Chaar Kahaniyan*

Role of E-Media in Redefining Gender Relationships

*Inspired from real stories

He was young and lonely—a perfect target.

Gaurav had switched his village life for a city job. City of Dreams, they called it. It
was crowded out here, yet most people here were loners. No motivation for
conventional dating nor enough time. They and Tinder, it was a perfect match.

The app let the user discover akin people at the swipe of a finger. There were
endless possibilities. Something for everyone.

WELL, not everyone really.

Online dating was a glamour business, a place where good looks were sold.
Gaurav was an average looking, but desperate man. He decided to use the pictures
of a lesser-known model as his own. “Sr Manager- Flipkart” his bio read. Less than
an hour later Gaurav had seven matches, but one special than the others- Priya, a
high-profile serial killer.

Gaurav’s bluff was called off when Priya and gang kidnapped him for ransom. He
was ultimately killed.

The dynamics of a modern family are fast changing. The marriage age in
millennials has significantly delayed compared to the last cohort. With growing
cities and drifting families, young adults are becoming busier and shorter in
attention span. This has also increased the need for quick, instant pleasures over
constant companionship. Social media is carrying the baton of this transformation.

As the time invested in relationships is decreasing, media has fast-forwarded the

relationship-building process by providing direct online channels like Facebook and
Tinder. Once considered a taboo, casual relationships are becoming ‘cooler’ among
younger generations. With reduced time, the natural course of gradual trust-
building is being replaced by instant selection based on macro variables such as
looks, status and pedigree.

The need for physical validation is often met with deceit. People use editing apps,
even fake pictures and put up false information. A delicate balance holds the
demand for online dating channels and their decreasing credibility together.

Reviving the era when letters conveyed verbal emotions, modern relationships rely
heavily on textual communications. WhatsApp chats, and Facebook stories are
integral channels for emotional exchange. The effect of social media is so
paramount that the frequency, length, time and tone of messaging has become
reflective of one’s relationship status.

Devendra saw her at the metro station. It was love at first sight. They didn’t know
each other, but he was used to uncertainty. In what Shah Rukh Khan remembers
as his only negative role, Devendra saw persistence and commitment. He
remembered his idol from fifteen years ago- Rahul Mehra, from Darr, and started
stalking Preeti.

Miles from Delhi’s hustle, in a lesser-known town Roorkee, Asif was filing an FIR
against his wife.

Less than five hours ago the newlywed couple were watching Sonam Kapoor
starrer Dolly ki Doli. The groom was a prominent farmer living with his widowed
mother. Apart from a loving mother-in-law, Shabana had also inherited Asif’s
family legacy- gold jewellery worth fifteen lakhs.

The marriage was perfect. Until Shabana decided to flee with the jewellery.

Back in Delhi, Preeti was in Devendra’s confinement. Devendra had confessed his
love for her and was now planning to marry her and elope to Nepal. He wanted
her to remember him as a hero who rescued her from her disloyal husband.

The duo had even onboarded the train when Preeti borrowed a passenger’s phone
and told the police. Devendra was arrested. “I don't want to live any longer... what
is life without her? She will be mine one day.”, he said.

In Roorkee, Asif and the Police were still searching the “newly-fled” wife.

Of numerous love crimes inspired by popular media, only a few have been reported.
Films fulfil the mass desire for pictorial realism. But popular media and screen stars
are seldom just two-hour movies. Bollywood actors and their mannerisms sub-
consciously influence the viewer’s mind. The cheering audience in the movie hall
validates the hero’s actions. The viewer starts to justify non-consensual advances
and responds to rejection with unwarranted persistence.

Movies also instil the hope of a “happy ending” in real life and overemphasize the
voice of one’s heart over their mind. Relationships inspired by movies, are often too
unrealistic to survive the real-world.

Nil had done it! He had cracked into IIT Roorkee, one of the country’s finest
institutions. With less than ten days until joining, it was a bittersweet time for the
mum and son who’d been each other’s confidant ever since Nil’s father had
expired.

It was suffocating him. He had never kept a secret from his mother. “Have you told
her yet?”-the text from his boyfriend said.

It was movie night, mom son's Saturday ritual for more than ten years. Like every
alternate weekend, it was Nil’s turn to choose the film. He settled on a classic- “Call
me by your name”, a coming to age romantic movie.

While his mother had turned herself to the movie’s Italian landscape and seamless
melody, Nil’s was busy gauging his mother’s expression as she saw the queer love
story unfold.

“So, how was it?”-Nil asked.

“Disappointing.”

Nil’s heart skipped a beat. In the brief silence that followed, he could feel his eyes
got wet, until…

“I would’ve loved it if Elio and Oliver would’ve ended together”, She said.

Nil pulled his mother in a tight hug and finally told her of his interest in men. The
film had bought them even closer.

Gender relationships at the societal level are challenged by the popular media.
With its influential characters and convincing storylines, media moulds our
judgement and understanding of human nature.

“It gives insight”- During a two-hour immersive experience such as a movie, media
puts us into a story, we might never live in real life. Movies like Queen, Vivaah,
Satyam Shivam Sundaram tell us how complicated relationships evolve. They
educate us on issues we find difficult to discuss- polyamory, sexuality, gender bias,
casual relationships.

“It inculcates thought and inspires action”- Our favourite characters do not only
challenge our thought process but also motivate us to act. Movies like Gadar- Ek
Prem Katha have pushed people in love beyond religion. There have also been
movies like Darr who’ve inspired hate crimes.

Media often cultivates unrealistic expectations that’ve empirically been deemed

detrimental to real-life relationships. They often hardcode idealistic behaviour such
as “soul mates ” and “love at first sight”. But whether it leads to a fulfilling end or
not, media endorses faith in love and romantic relationships.
“It gives a medium for the expression”- Media validates emotions and relationships
that exist but aren’t emphasized. It voices the bond between a father and son, a
mother and her in-laws, a brother and his sister. It often becomes a household
metaphor, like Baghban. People convey thoughts by exchanging films, and songs
instead of explicit messages.

In its entirety, media not only affects the nature of relationships, as we perceive it
but also drives how relationships start and evolve.

Yash Shinde