FACULTY OF ARTS AND LETTERS

UNIVERSITY OF SANTO TOMAS

A.Y. 2019-2020

GOZUN, Claudette A. November 21, 2019

ELECA4-1

Review: Mcgraw, J. G. (1995). Loneliness, its nature and forms: an existential

perspective. Man and World, 28(1), 43–64. doi: 10.1007/bf01278458

Loneliness, defined as the “problem of modern times” and “universal affliction”,

was the subject of John Mcgraw in this paper. He tackled the different causes of this

phenomenon and enlisted all its forms and nature. He formed the paper by connecting

different studies of other known philosophers such as Kant, Sartre Nietszche, et al. This

paper focuses on loneliness which was found to have different forms that suggest

different causes and solutions. His objective upon writing this paper was to establish the

concept of loneliness in the society and for the people to know that although complex,

this malaise and its ubiquity is natural and considered as the truth that makes us all truly

human. This paper is enlightenment for all those who have only known loneliness as

mostly negative, an affliction, sometimes, even a nuisance. This paper will familiarize us

to the concept of this phenomenon which makes it more bearable and acceptable.

In his Mcgraw’s study, loneliness was defined as the result of spatial

separateness from other beings. Since we are all social beings, isolation is the main

reason why we feel loneliness. He stated that “it is the feeling of apart and not a part of

them”. According to Mcgraw (1995) loneliness can come from; the unachieved desires,

absence of something which a person is longing for, mourning for loss in the past, and,
the lack of some qualities in an object or being that the person has a relationship with.

Accordingly, he observes that “loneliness is not usually because of the absence but

because the presence is felt during the absence”. He stated that this loneliness affects

the person’s sense of self-worth because it makes the person feel like there is a void,

the nothingness of his being, his intrinsic worth being lessen or sometimes even gone.

This void would then manifest to the person not only physically (feeling fatigue,

stomachaches and weariness), but more so, mentally (loss of connection to the outside

world). Nevertheless, he also explained the idea of solitude, where the separateness

from other beings has a positive connotation, the idea of solitude as a form of relaxation

and rest away from the rest of the objects in the world.

He has categorized the forms of loneliness and gave their causes together with their

possible solutions but he noted that these given concepts are not exclusive in nature.

Their longevity and their impact is differentiated according to their types. Some of the

types are connected and interrelated and sometimes, one is the cause of the others.

The first one was the metaphysical loneliness. This was defined as the most

comprehensive form of loneliness because it is the root of all loneliness. It is the internal

and external separation from others that was formed because of the theory of

individualization which is the reason why there is no connection among beings. People

who are experiencing this feel distant to all the existing matter and space, living or non-

living, and have their own world where they are alone. Since people were born to

connect, there is an emotional longing which causes the negative feeling. Metaphysical

loneliness happens because there is an isolation of beings and there is a division on all

of beings. His proposed solution was intimacy or relationships for that would cause unity
and monism. This is to fight the emotional longing and the feeling of being disintegrated

to one another. This type of loneliness, because of its profound nature, had been the

theme of many great literatures.

The second type was epistemological loneliness that explained how loneliness is a

necessary principle to the people and that consciousness is the root of all loneliness

because this consciousness is the one that is creating a void in all human beings. This

type also nullifies the claim that intimacy, such as love, is truly the solution of

metaphysical or epistemological isolation (which is the cause of loneliness). Love was

found to be the solution of isolation because it seeks for eternal union, nevertheless, it

was said that the failure of love will cause greater loneliness than that of which the

actual metaphysical or epistemological isolation causes. Sartre, a known philosopher,

views love as an absurd concept because it strips away each individual’s objective

being. Therefore, it was agreed here that intimacy is just a temporary solution of

loneliness because it is not certain and it is subjected to many changes.

This type of loneliness also comes when the person is too secluded that he is removing

his opportunity to know his own self and the others to know who he truly is. When a

being is too secluded, his other unknown qualities will not be shown to his cognition and

those will just be buried under his unconscious. These buried and unknown qualities in

the unconscious plays a major role to the person’s belief to the fact that other people

will never know who he really is, and it is not just because he is unknown but he is

actually unknowable.
Epistemological loneliness is also not just about feeling worthless; it is also felt when the

person is being ignored by another being or when they treat the person as if he is

invisible. According to Husserl (1965), loneliness comes when the transcendental Ego

does not belong to anyone. Comparing to metaphysical loneliness (which happens

because the person has spatial separateness or no total intimacy from another being),

epistemological loneliness happens because a person could not receive the amount of

intimacy or recognition he wants from another being.

Another type of loneliness is called communicative loneliness which happens due to; a

person’s low socialization and communication skills, his inability to communicate and

get his desired intimacy, and more importantly, his inability to admit all his negative

feelings. The reason why some people do not communicate their negative feelings is

because loneliness, in some cultures, is a symbol of weakness. Because of this, some

people think that admitting that you are lonely is shameful. Furthermore, when a person

is said to be too lonely, the loneliness makes his communicative capacities weak which

makes him unable to speak. According to Fromm-Reichmann (1980), sometimes,

people do not speak of the reasons and causes of their loneliness because the memory

is so severe that they are scared of refreshing the experience into their memory. This

incommunicable loneliness would not only make a person feel alone but it will make him

believe that he is the only one who is suffering. The proposed solution to this type of

loneliness is to share or communicate the negative feelings to another person. Poetry,

writing or any form of expressive art were said to be a way to communicate the severe,

incommunicable type of loneliness.

Ontological loneliness happens from within the person, hence also called as

intrapersonal loneliness. It is the intimacy within oneself that is lacking that is also

caused by the absence of intimacy to another. Nietzsche would oftentimes ssay how

dangerous for one person to lose his own self and this will be proven true because of

the concept of authenticity. A person will only be authentic if he experienced self-

actualization and that will only happen through interactions with another being.

Ontological loneliness occurs due to the fact that the person was neglected by another.

That person will struggle to the process of self-actualization losing his authenticity. Then

he will struggle with his self-identity, therefore causing to question his self-worth, his

self-integrity. This type of loneliness, the intrapersonal loneliness, has a more serious

impact on a person’s state of mind for cases are oftentimes pathological. It moves the

person’s state of being lonely to the state of being depressed, a mental illness. It is said

that this ontological loneliness is the alpha of all mental disorders and is present and

even the greatest contributor to psychosis, neurosis and schizophrenics. Family

relationships are said to be the greatest factor that affects one’s self-identity and

vulnerability to loneliness.

Branded as the most fearsome and terrifying form of loneliness by de Balzac, ethical

loneliness is the one that comes from your inherent responsibility as a person. All of us

are given the gift of freedom but along this comes the ethical loneliness of always

having to choose to do the right thing. People are always expected to be good and to

display morality because according to Sartre, one must not just exist but must have an

essence. Nietzsche also claimed here that one must not stop with loneliness but it is the

self’s responsibility to turn its own loneliness to solitude. He believes that a person who
is able to survive both the truth of his loneliness and solitude is too great to calculate

and that their hardships must be praised.

Existential loneliness is, from the word itself, the loneliness that comes solely because

we exist. This just basically means that loneliness exists, is unavoidable and even

ineradicable because the journey of life itself is subjected to go through stages of

separation (this is why death exists). This existential loneliness explains that loneliness

is an ultimate reality and a necessary phenomenon that one must go through because it

defines who we are and it is needed for our growth and development, and to find our

authenticity. The concept of death is an existential loneliness because it is an ultimate

reality. Death is feared by many because none of us has control over it so it emits

loneliness to us. Nevertheless, the very fact that death is natural means that loneliness

is also natural to our existence.

All of these forms of loneliness obviously begin with the deficit of intimacy or the sense

of belongingness from another person. This longing for connection is categorized into

two main types: the emotional loneliness which is mainly referring to the loss of intimacy

in relation with sexual and romantic desires, and, social loneliness which refers to, the

word itself, loneliness in not being able to socialize with peers and other people.

Intimacy is a positive aggravating circumstance of all existence and the absence of it

will affect each and every one of us.

The loneliness that is a product of socio-cultural conditions such as being a part of the

minority or a group which it is not considered as a norm in the society is called cultural

loneliness, which is another form of loneliness. This pertains to the lack of sense of
belongingness to the place where you currently are and feeling homesick to the place

where your culture is the norm or welcomed at. Mark Leary’s continuum of

inclusion/exclusion defines this form of loneliness. In terms of inclusion, these are the

different stages: (1) maximum inclusion: it is when you are accepted; (2) active

inclusion: it is when you are welcomed yet you are not looked out for; and, (3) passive

inclusion: it is when you are just there and they are allowing you to join them. When

other people do not care if you are there or not, it is called ambivalence. As for stages of

exclusion, there are: (1) passive exclusion: it is when you are ignored; (2) active

exclusion: it is when you are intentionally avoided; and (3) maximal exclusion: it is when

you are not allowed to join and you are not totally accepted. Loneliness comes when the

person feels excluded from the majority. This might be felt by immigrants or foreigners.

Lastly, there is cosmic loneliness which states that this human world is full of hardships,

ugliness and perils which contributes to the loneliness of all human beings. Since the

world is not attending to human needs anymore and the people are feeling the sense of

abandonment (the feeling of the universe is conspiring against them), hence it is

resulting to an overwhelming loneliness. To extinguish this loneliness, one is expected

to return to God, who is the cure for cosmic loneliness, all forms of loneliness. This

loneliness can be cured with the greatest intimacy of all and that is the intimacy with the

Person of persons, the Thou, or simply, God.

The author tackled each forms of loneliness thoroughly and precisely. This topic is very

vague and it is hard to be able to make sense out of it but this paper was enlightenment.

Although we all feel it, some people would often just think of it as either a feeling that

will just pass, or is forever there. However, McGraw was able to deconstruct the word
loneliness into many shapes forms. He was so precise of the how’s and why’s and most

especially was able to remind us about the truth of its existence. Such phenomenon is

so ubiquitous that no one dares to unravel the uncertainties; therefore, finally having a

guideline to its concepts would help the society lessen the social disintegration that is

caused by it. Loneliness being defined as purely a lack of connectedness with one

another already gave out tons of solutions to fight for it. If lack of connection is the

problem, then the solution would be to socialize more and to communicate more with

one another. Nevertheless, we should not risk our objective purpose as individuals and

we should be able to fulfill them. The realization of these upon reading the journal is

what makes it interesting.

There is a problem, however, on the author’s sources. Being a philosophical journal, the

author’s based the entire paper on a collection of philosophical theories which are

subjective beliefs depending on which writer he cited. Philosophers usually have

opposing ideas because their means of explaining is purely subjective and not

objective. The paper being based on these theories and none of the facts being based

on actual statistical analysis and data makes the paper subjected to many types of

errors and corrections. This being said, some of his arguments that are found

questionable and was already proved wrong by science.

The first wrong argument is that people base their intrinsic worth solely on their sense of

belongingness to a desired individual. This is not the case. According to Robins (2005),

self-worth is changing and is based on age-related experiences. Self-worth goes way

beyond the approval of a certain person. It can actually be built up through life changing

experiences and accomplishments and can be lessen through disappointments that are
not necessarily from other people. It was pointed true, however, that self-esteem that is

based on external sources, like the approval of others, leads to a serious mental illness

(Dittman, 2002).

Another problem was the assumption on the concept of ontological loneliness that

lonely people have parents who are remote and untrustworthy. That is not usually the

case. According to Henwood & Solano (1994), loneliness among family members does

not mean that the family is bad. Although it is a factor of it, loneliness that transcends

from parents to children might also mean that the parents passed the genetic influence

to their children. Another factor such as economic status and social status also plays an

important role in the presence of loneliness in the family.

The final shortcoming of this paper is the assumption of God being the panacea of all

forms of loneliness is very controversial. According to research, in 2013, statistics show

that there are approximately 450 to 500 million of non-believers (Keysar & Navarro,

2013). If the assumption on the paper that the only way to vanquish loneliness is

through the Supreme Being called God, then it is assumed that these 500 believers will

never treat their cosmic loneliness and will forever feel a void. I think it is not true

because if they actually feel loneliness all throughout their lives because they don’t

believe in God, then none of us will be non-believers because nobody would want

eternal loneliness.

In conclusion, the well-being of our society should be given priority. The topic of this

paper is a major step towards it. We all agree that loneliness is an essential feeling for

us to be human beings. It is not just entirely negative but as a matter in fact a requisite
for our growth and development. It is also essential for us to find our authenticity and

uniqueness. It is a reality that we have to understand because it affects not just our

physical and emotional wellness, but also our social beings; our relationship with one

another. As a matter of fact, severe loneliness that causes depression, anxiety and

other mental illness has become so rampant in our country that it is one of the most, if

not the most, common sickness. In order to be able to fight these diseases, we must all

understand where it came from and how it works. John G. McGraw’s take on loneliness

is not only a tool of information but also a solution to these severe mental illness

brought by it. Being able to endure with this loneliness will make us indestructible

beings.
References

E. Husserl, in Mijuskovic, p. 79

F. Fromm-Reichmann, “Loneliness.” In J. Hartog et al., eds. The Anatomy of Loneliness

(New York: International Universities Press, 1980), pp.-435-346.

Henwood, P. G., & Solano, C. H. (1994). Loneliness in Young Children and Their

Parents. The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 155(1), 35–45. doi:

10.1080/00221325.1994.9914756

IN BRIEF Self-esteem that's based on external sources has mental health

consequences, study says. (2002, December). Retrieved from

https://www.apa.org/monitor/dec02/selfesteem.

J.-P. Sartre, The Files, in No Exit and Three Other Plays, trans. S. Gilbert (New York:

Random House, Vintage Books, 1955), p.123.

Keysar, A., & Navarro-Rivera, J. (2013). A World of Atheism. Oxford Handbooks Online.

doi: 10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199644650.013.011

Mcgraw, J. G. (1995). Loneliness, its nature and forms: an existential perspective. Man

and World, 28(1), 43–64. doi: 10.1007/bf01278458

Robins, R. W., & Trzesniewski, K. H. (2005). Self-esteem development across the

lifespan. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14(3), 158–162. Retrieved from

https://escholarship.org/uc/item/9bc5r8nd