Forgive

and Forget

By

Jordan Savior Meche

Introduction


Twenty One year old Amelia Morsen has dealt with more pain than she
could ever possibly imagine. Her home wasn’t safe anymore, family didn’t
care for her, the only thing she could think of doing was move in with her
sister. The days go by as she still had her childhood in the back of her mind,
not wanting to let go… even if she tried. Losing her father, losing her family,
friends, boyfriend, she wasn’t too sure what her purpose was for living
anymore. Until she meets Nicholas James, owner of a very popular bar
minutes from her apartment. Something about him made her want to know
more. Sure enough, he wanted to know more about her as well. He carries a
dark past just like her that he can’t seem to move past from, but she sees him
for something else. She helps him and he helps her. Together they create a
bond they didn’t know was going to be this good, this addictive. But, will her
past forever haunt her, not letting her get too close… with anyone?



Chapter One

It wasn’t really that hard to find something black to wear, heels on the other
hand, now that was a problem since I had to steal my sisters’. Dressing up for
special occasions wasn’t for me, especially growing up... I hated make up. As
I’m getting ready I look at myself in the mirror to tell myself everything will
be okay. You can do this, I say in my head, but the thing was I didn’t even
want to do this, the fact that my mother was making my sister and I go upset
me.
My mind takes place somewhere else… my hometown. I haven’t been to
Franklin, Tennessee in 2 ½ years. The thought gave me bad anxiety. As I’m
fixing my hair I hear my sister call me from the other room. “Amelia hurry up,
mom’s blowing up my phone making sure we’re awake.” Ugh. I cringed when
she mentioned our mother. She was the last person I wanted to see. “We have a
long day ahead of us you know?” She says interrupting my thoughts, but her
impatience was really ticking me off. “You think I don’t already know this…?
It’s a 4 ½ hour drive. I could care less about this day or about even going.”…
“HE DIED!” She shouts. I stopped getting ready when she interrupts me.
Opening the door I see my sister standing in the hallway looking at me, as if I
was someone crazy.
“Look, I’m sorry Am.” Wow, she said Am. She used to call me that when
we were little girls. “I’m sorry.” She continued. “I know this day is going to be
hard for you, I know how you’re feeling.” “No, you DON’T know how I’m
feeling.” I interrupted. “Don’t you dare say you know how I’m feeling Brye. I
don’t even want to go to this funeral. I don’t care to see my family. This is
honestly the worst day of my life.” Crying wasn’t something I normally did,
but I couldn’t help it. Tears fell before I knew it; thankfully I hadn’t put my
makeup on just yet. Brye walks on over to me and gives me the biggest hug. I
needed that.
“I shouldn’t have said that, I know, I was dumb. I’m trying to understand
your pain and how you feel. Please don’t hate me.” I could hear the pain in her
voice. She never wanted to see my upset. “I could never hate you B. Hating
you would be the dumbest thing I could do, since, you’ve been there for my all
along, when no one else was.” I say to her as I watch the mascara run down
her face. “I guess I was the smart one with no makeup on just yet.” I laughed
as she reaches up to wipe her face. “oh shut up.” She paused. “You might
drive me crazy at times, but you’re my little sister and I’m always here for
you. I’ll be right here by your side today.” “Thanks sis, you can’t pick family,
but I’d always pick you.” I say with a sarcastic smile.
Brye was laughing and rolling her eyes. “Oh, whatever… Now you’re just
trying to kiss my ass.” She says, moving back towards her room. “Let’s finish
getting ready; we need to leave in like twenty minutes.” Gosh, did I really
have to go? ”Ugh, alright.” I tell her as I walk away and head for my room. I
hated getting ready. Especially for a day like this, but the sooner we leave, the
sooner this day will be over and done with. “Yes, let’s hurry and get this day
behind us so we can lie up on the couch and eat ice cream. Maybe Netflix and
chill?” I say trying not to laugh. As I walk into my room I stop to look at
myself in the mirror. You can do this, I breathe and say to myself one more
time.




Chapter Two

It was twelve o’clock in the afternoon, on our way to Tennessee, riding in
Brye’s new Mustang our grandmother had gotten her for passing her biology
exam. So yeah, I guess since she’s the oldest she’s still a spoiled brat. She’s
been in college at Georgia State for four years now to become a biology
teacher. I didn’t realize college took over your entire life, maybe that’s why I
haven’t went yet… still trying to figure out what to do with my own life. So,
maybe I shouldn’t be so ugly. I should at least give her credit for doing
amazing in school. Being proud of her would be an understatement.
I was leaning over the passenger door, looking out the window when my
sister interrupts my thoughts. “Hey don’t fall asleep on my now; we just got
into the car.” She really did drive me crazy sometimes. “Brye, I’m tired. I’ve
been up all night preparing myself for this day. Plus, mom had to text me at
eleven last night saying “don’t forget about coming to Franklin”. I said in a
annoyed voice. “Sounds like something mom would do.” Brye replied. “Go to
sleep than sis, I’ll scream when we get close.” She looked over at me and
laughs. “Wow.” I say. “Sounds exactly like something my sister would do. “ I
say mocking her for what she said about our mother.
I leaned over the passenger door again and finally dozed off into a much
needed nap. I dreamed about my dad. God knows how much I missed him. He
passed away when I was six years old and Brye was nine. We found out about
his death when we were in school… That’s when our mother checked us out to
bring us to the hospital to see him one last time. The doctor’s told us he had a
heart attack from all the medication he was on. I believe he took them once in
a while, because my mom drove him absolutely insane. Hell, she drove us all
crazy, it wasn’t just him. If I ever got the chance to tell him how much I loved
him it would have been that day. I remember leaning down to give him a bye
kiss when he came in… my uncle. Why was he here? Who called him? I
looked around as if nobody even cared. That was my dad’s brother, but who
gives a shit? They know what he did to me.
“Amelia, Amelia wake up we’re almost there.” She says, waking me up.
My eyes started to open as I lift my head. There it was. It was the “Welcome to
Franklin, Established 1799, number one smallest town in Tennessee.” A
strange cringe feeling came to my stomach and nausea formed in my throat.
“Am, are you alright?” Brye asked looking over at me as if she’s seen a ghost.
“You look pale; do I need to stop somewhere to get you something to eat, or
maybe a margarita?” I looked at her with a grin on my face. “Hey, I’ll take up
on that offer, but maybe when we get back home in Atlanta.” A drink really
did sound amazing since I’m legal to buy my own alcohol and don’t need my
big sis to help.
That sign doesn’t lie though; Franklin really is the smallest town here in
Tennessee. It was everything I had remembered, the big bright green colored
trees; the buildings were very tall, stacked together one by one. I felt a hint of
home sick the minute we arrived here. The thing was, this wasn’t my home,
and I did not miss this place one bit. I missed Georgia. Before I knew it we
were pulling up in Downtown Franklin. We use to come here a lot with our
father for the festivals and always the Franklin theatre. The thought about him
made me sad again… so I tried to think about something else. “You thinkin’
bout Dad, huh?” Brye says looking over at me again. She needed to focus on
the road and not me. “I’m fine, stop looking at me like that.” I tell her
furiously, but mostly I was just aggravated about this whole entire day. I didn’t
need to take it out on her. “Sorry.. “ I whisper under my breath. “But, yes, I
miss him so much.”
“Well I do too Amelia, plus you know if he was here he’d give you the
biggest hug and tell you everything will be okay.” The thought made my chest
burn. I looked over at her holding back my tears, I wasn’t sure the words could
come out without me crying, but luckily no tears came out. “He was the only
one who believed me… besides you.”



Chapter Three


A couple miles later we were pulling up at Waters Funeral Home. Before
we got out of the car I pulled down my visor to see myself in the mirror.
Looking back through the mirror I see a girl who’s scared, nervous, betrayed,
innocent, worried, uncomfortable, someone who has been through enough and
could barely go on anymore. Why did I have to be here? Why are they making
me do this? I feel my palms get sweaty as I rub them together. I feel my
breathing change as if I was going to pass out. I looked over at Brye trying to
keep myself together. “Ready?” I say softly, as my voice cracks. “Right beside
you.” She replies as she reaches over to give me a quick hug. I needed that. I
seriously just wanted to freeze time right now. Did I really have to do this? I
ask myself over and over again.
Brye and I step out of the car and make our way up the steps into the
funeral home opening the front doors. Walking in slowly I look around and
can’t find anyone, thankfully, until I see someone in the corner of my eye.
There she was…. our mother. She was standing to the side talking to our Aunt
Flora. As soon as they seen me I saw fear in their eyes, as if I made them
nervous. Yet I thought I was the nervous one. “My girls are here.” She shouts
making everyone turn around. Great. My mom runs up to Brye first, as usual,
and gives her the biggest hug. As I’m standing there like the black sheep of the
family, I look around to see my cousins, grandpa and especially my
grandmother all looking at me with disgust. My mom startles me by pulling
me into a big hug as well. “I really have missed ya’ll.” She whispers in my ear.
“I wish the feeling was mutual.” I say under my breath almost hoping she
would hear.
Next my grandparents come over asking Brye how school was and how
much she’s enjoyed her new Mustang. “Oh, school is almost over… thank
goodness, because I’m about ready to rip my hair out.” She laughs then
continues. “Also, my car is wonderful, thanks for everything, even though you
didn’t have to do that.” “Oh, don’t even go there B, we will always be here for
you.” My grandmother says to her holding her hands, but then looks over at
me like she was trying to rub it in my face. I looked back at her with... What
do they call it? Resting Bitch Face, yeah that’s it. I wasn’t going to let her get
to me. Not today. She then decides to walk on over to me to ask how I’ve been
doing. “Fine, I guess.” I tell her very short and sweet. “I’m surprised to even
see you here.” She says in a hateful tone, looking at me up and down. I was
ready to punch her in her damn face. “Ha, that’s funny; because I’m surprised
we’re having a funeral for this man.” I said a little louder than I should have.
Once I said that the room got quiet and I see everyone turn to look at me. They
looked at me as if I was crazy.
“Let’s just go ahead and say out goodbyes.” My mother interrupts the
quietness trying to take the attention off of me. I was actually thankful for that.
One by one, each person went up front towards the coffin and I couldn’t help
but feel sick, that weird cringe feeling came again in my stomach. I wanted to
puke. Brye was in front of me and I could tell she was nervous also. As I’m
walking behind her I hear my aunt and grandmother whisper to one another as
they stand off to the side. “I can’t believe she’s even here.” “You know what
she did to this family.” Hearing those cruel words I felt warm, my cheeks were
starting to burn, my throat started to get dry. I couldn’t believe what they just
said. They really thought of me like that? What did I do to this family? As
soon as their eyes met mine I acted like I didn’t hear them. They were not
about to see me fall. Frustration over came me as I got closer and closer
making my way to the front. Screw this, I was so ready to just go home and
crawl into my bed.
Once Brye was done she looked back at me and nodded her head like she
was trying to tell me “you can do this” how our father would say. Making my
way to the coffin, I slowly reached up to hold on as if I was about to faint,
looked down, and seen the man who hurt me. My uncle. Someone I looked up
to. Someone who I trusted. Someone who I thought would never hurt me. My
eyes started to burn just looking at this pathetic man. I was furious. I started to
think about what my aunt and grandmother said about me just now. I couldn’t
take it anymore. I don’t care about this day, I don’t care about any of them,
just like they don’t care about me. I thought about my past as I stand there
looking down at him. He ruined my childhood, but yet I’m the one who ruined
this “family.” I was done and didn’t give two shits anymore. As I’m standing
there trying to compose myself from the tears about to run down my face, I
say my final goodbyes to him for everyone to hear. “I hope you burn in hell.”



Chapter Four


Once I said that I noticed the whole room went quiet. I turned around to see
everyone looking at me with that disgust look again. I couldn’t help myself; I
wasn’t going to let my family treat me this way anymore. Brye is next to me
holding her mouth like she couldn’t believe what she just heard too. She’s
been by my side since day one and I think she knew this was going to escalade
soon. Was I ready for this? I was feeling emotionally and physically drained, I
wanted to give up. Next thing I know my mother walks up to me very calmly.
Watching her slowly I was wondering exactly what she was thinking. Now
she’s standing right in front of me, looks me in the eyes…. I could see the
hate. Tears start to build up in those big blue eyes of hers; this wasn’t going to
be good. As I’m standing there anxiously waiting for her to say something, she
hits me, hits me very hard.
I think the whole room heard that slap. Lifting my head I now realize she
slapped me in the face. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Brye screams, she
was not happy. I appreciated her taking up for me, but she didn’t have to be in
all this mess. This was my battle; I knew this day would come sooner or later.
Holding my face I look back at my mom like she had lost her mind. This is
exactly why my father took medication. “I think its best that you should
leave… both of you.” She says looking at Brye, then me. “Especially you.”
Everyone else didn’t want us here, well preferably me. My cousins, aunt and
uncle, grandparents, they all hated me. “You’re the one who made us come;
this is exactly why I didn’t want to be here.” The tone in my voice never
changed as the words came out. Being here made me feel weak. “And don’t
worry, I’ll never come back.” Looking over at Brye, I nod my head as we both
turn and head for the doors. Walking out of that funeral home was like a breath
of fresh air.
I barely said a word in the car as we were on our way back to Georgia. I
pull the visor down to look at my face in the mirror. My cheek was stinging as
if a bee stung me. Damn she hit me pretty hard. “Let me see.” I turn my cheek
to the side to let Brye look. “It’s just a little red and stings pretty bad.” I tell
her as I rub the side of my face. “Yeah, it’s not too bad as I would have
thought, but, she did slap you pretty hard.” She says, looking back onto the
road. I wasn’t sure what to say, I couldn’t believe my own mother hit me like
that, in front of everyone. “I’m so sorry what happened today Amelia. I should
have told mom we weren’t coming, and left it at that.” The pain in her voice
had me distracted, I thought she was about to cry. “You’re my little sister and
I’m supposed to protect you…” “B, please don’t be upset over me.” I interrupt
her, leaning over to hold her hand. “You have always been there for me and I
thank you so much for that, you’re my best friend. My only friend.” The
thought was pretty painful hearing that come out of my own mouth. She was
my only friend.
It was 5:15 after leaving the funeral home and all I wanted to do was go
crawl in my bed. I was mentally exhausted. Days like this, is why I sometimes
hate life, and maybe that’s why I always tend to myself. But, instead of being
all in my feelings I lean my head back to close my eyes, hoping a four hour
nap ride back home will help. Again, I dreamed of my Dad and for some
strange reason, I dreamed of… him. I was seven year old all alone in my room
with him, but I didn’t want to stay in there anymore. I see myself standing in
the corner covering my ears and squeezing my eyes shut. Now I’m screaming,
tears are pouring down my face. He’s coming towards me, but I can’t leave.
I’m trapped, there’s nowhere to go, and nobody can hear me. I can feel my
body tremble, shaking, now I’m sweating.
“Amelia, wake up, are you alright?” I quickly open my eyes when I feel
Brye shaking my arm. I look around wondering what the hell just happened.
Pulling myself together I then realize I’m in the car with my sister, on our way
back home. Looking over at her I can tell she’s worried about me. “Are you
okay?” She repeats, trying to focus on the road, but I can tell she was
concerned. “Yeah… I’m fine.” I tell her slowly as I try to catch my breath. “I
had this weird dream, I don’t know why. I just hope that never happens again.”
Fear came flooding through my cheeks, I was scared. Scared I would dream
like that more often. “Well, you don’t look okay, do you want to stop and get
something to eat?” “No, I don’t think I can even eat anything right now, unless
you are hungry.” Food didn’t even sound good anyways. “We’re about to be
home in like 30 minutes, I can wait.” Said B. “Gosh, we’re almost home? I
was asleep the whole ride back?” holy crap. “I’m sorry B, I’m sure the drive
was boring with me passed out.” Brye looks over at me and laughs. What was
so funny? “It was a honor to listen to you snore for four hours, it really was.
You kept me entertained.” My mouth dropped open with embarrassment. “I do
not snore.” I said loudly, looking at her with my pout out. Laughing with my
sister always made me feel better. I look out the window and a calm, relaxed
feeling came to me… we were home.



Chapter Five


Home was exactly where I wanted to be. Georgia was a great escape to the
pain I had in Tennessee. After I graduated high school, I wasn’t sure what the
next step was for me in this life. My sister knew when she was little; she
always loved science and wanted to teach it. Me, on the other hand, I didn’t
care for school too much. Of course, I had friends back then, but it all changed
once the word got out about my uncle. Even my ex boyfriend Lance of 10
months couldn’t look at me anymore, or so that’s how I felt. He said he needed
a break. The attention he got was “too much” for him. After that happened I
couldn’t handle it anymore, so I moved in with my sister and I’m so glad I did.
We pulled up into our apartment complex, Brentwood Village. They king of
looked like town houses, about 10 buildings stacked up beside each other. We
lived upstairs, and I’m glad we did. I’d hate living on the first floor hearing the
neighbors above us with their loud feet. The feeling amused me and had me
laughing. “What’s so funny?” “Oh, I was just thinking of how you have loud
feet and people would hate you being their neighbor.” I open the car door to
get out as B get’s out also. “Oh, please. They probably hate me already.” She
snorts. I loved her laugh, it always cracked me up. We walk up the stairs to our
little perfect apartment, at least it was perfect to me, and opened the door. Here
we were… finally.
“Ahh, home sweet home.” Said B. “Maybe I should have taken up on your
offer for food.” I was starving. “Don’t say I never try.” She looked at me
shrugging her shoulders. I rolled my eyes at her, I hated when she was right.
“Why don’t we eat something here and you can take up on my other offer.”
She says with a huge smile on her face. She was getting excited… “Oh, yeah,
and what offer is that?” I had no clue what she was talking about. She then
holds her hands up like she’s holding shot glasses and starts singing “shots,
shots, shots, everybody.” She puts her head back and everything. I cross my
arms scolding her like a child. “Wow, you must have had your fair share of
those…. Have you done those before?” She really hated when I was a
smartass. “Oh, shut up Amelia and go get dressed after we eat real quick. You
know you could use a drink.” Boy was she right.
We ate some leftover spaghetti, as I’m chowin’ down I realize that would
not be cute coming up later if I drank too much. So, let’s hope that doesn’t
happen. After we finish eating, Brye and I head to our rooms to start getting
ready and I had no idea where we were going. Going through my closet I
decide on wearing my favorite pair of skinny jeans with a black leather jacket.
I’m not someone who wears heals, that would be my sister, so I put on
converses. My skin complexion was very fair; keeping a tan was difficult with
my pale self. Standing in front of my mirror I brush my long brown hair one
good time, and put on just a little bit of makeup. Makeup sometimes just
wasn’t for me. I decided to wear some red lipstick, why? I don’t know, change
of heart. I wanted to try something different. As I’m touching up my lips I
notice how light my hair was, it use to be so dark.
Out of nowhere Brye busts up in my room opening the door, thank God I
was dressed. “I could have been naked. You can knock you know.” I turn
around and stood where I was standing… my sister looked absolutely
gorgeous. She was wearing this short blue dress just below her knees, her hair
was down like mine, except hers is a little shorter that fell right on her
shoulders. Her heels were killer heels, so I called them. “Wow, you look so
good B, you put me to shame.” I saw looking down at what I was wearing.
“Aw, thanks sis, but you look great too. Are you really wearing lipstick?” Her
shocked expression didn’t surprise me. I never wore lipstick or anything on
my face for that matter. I roll my eyes and turn back to my mirror. I added a
few more touches and I was ready. I turn back around towards her, letting her
look at me one last time. “Does it look bad, look too much?” She then looks at
me like I’m crazy. “No, Am you look hot!!!” I roll my eyes. She had to be
lying. “Stop rolling your eyes at me, I’m serious you look really good. You’ll
be getting more attention than me.” “Whatever Brye…” I say shaking my
head. “Who would look at me honestly?” I asked getting a little upset. “If
you’re thinking about Lance I will seriously hurt you myself. He is a jerk who
didn’t realize how lucky he was.” She walks on over to me holding my hands.
“We’re going out and having the time of our lives.” She says smiling. She
always made me feel better. Even about myself. “Okay.” I say softly with a
smile, or at least trying to smile. We get the keys off the kitchen table and head
for the door. Tonight I was going to have fun and put the past 14-15 years
behind me.



Chapter Six

I had no idea where she was taking me. Since she’s been in Georgia longer
than I have she claims she knows all the good places. Restaurants, clubs, bars,
bowling alleys, mini golf, theatres… you name it, she knows it. I couldn’t
believe how late it was. It was 10:30 and yes, that’s pretty late for me since I
go to bed usually around 9. I don’t get out much. One thing I loved about
Atlanta though was the scenery, at night the whole city was lit up with bright
lights. From buildings, highways, the moon. I loved this place. I hardly was
paying attention to where my sister was taking me, but next thing I know we
were pulling up to this huge building and for some reason I was getting
nervous. Would I fit in… in a place like this? Excitement also rushed through
me for a change. The building was tall with a distressed look to it. There was
an engraving I noticed as I looked through my window. The engraving was on
the side that said “NJ”. It was very small, you could barely see it by the front
entrance of the building, hell I’m surprised I even noticed it.
We park around the back of the place since it was so packed. We get out of
the car and make our way to the front. I almost tripped trying to keep up with
Brye, she wouldn’t slow down for nothing. “Damn, sis, wait for me. You must
really need a shot of something as fast as you are moving.” I tell her really
annoyed. Brye turns her head to look back at me. “It’s calling my name. You’ll
love this place; just wait until we get inside.” Her excitement made me laugh.
We made it to the front door and I didn’t even trip anywhere. Yay. I noticed
the engraving again on the side as I touched the letters with the tips of my
finger. Who could NJ be, I ask myself. Following Brye inside while she opens
the door was pretty difficult, because there were people everywhere. Once we
were in my mouth dropped, I couldn’t help but stop and check this place out.
“Hello, welcome to Emotions.” A lady greeted us as we made our way in.
She was tall, blonde, and simply gorgeous; I could tell why they hired her.
“Thank you.” I reply back, but then had a puzzled look. “This place is called
Emotions?” “Yes, it is.” She says back to me, looking at me up and down.
“And ‘this place’ is called a bar.” She smarts off then turns her heels in the
other direction. “Yet, her personality doesn’t quite match her looks.” I tell
Brye with a disgusted look on my face. What the hell just happened? “Let’s
just go find us a seat somewhere.” She laughs. Despite the rude hostess I
couldn’t help but enjoy the view, this place was amazing. We find our seats in
the back around the bar. Once we get there Brye was already asking for vodka
shots. Good grief she could be embarrassing sometimes. “So, I’ve been here a
couple times, who cares, this bar would have to be my favorite.” She says,
than continues. “Over there up front…” She points. “They have karaoke; it’s
hilarious when drunk people go up there.” Wow, the thought was pretty funny.
There was a group of girls singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun along with the
song that was playing through the laptop as the lyrics were on the screen. You
could tell they drank way too much, slurring their words, could barely stand
up. I started getting embarrassed for them.
“Do you want anything, miss?” I jump as the bartender distracts me from
those girls on stage. He was cute, but maybe more of B’s type. She was a
crazy fool for green eyes. She says they are cute and also dangerous to the
heart. I look over at her who is already on her third shot. “Uh yeah, I’ll take a
shot with my sister.” He looks over at B and winks, then looks back towards
me and nods. There were so many drinks behind that counter; I didn’t know
half of them or what they were called. He puts two shot glasses on the counter
in front of us and fills them up with vodka. I didn’t realize how dry my mouth
was, maybe alcohol was calling my name after all. Looking at Brye, who’s
sitting right beside me, I raise my glass to hers. “What should our toast be?”
Brye holds her glass up beside mine. “To mom.” She pauses then continues
when she sees the pissed off look on my face. Mom? Really? “To one crazy
bitch who could really use a drink.” What she said put an awkward smile on
my face. She had a point. “To one crazy bitch.” I reply laughing. We clamp out
glasses together and even spill a little on the counter. Tipping my head back I
start to feel the cool, burning liquid run down my throat. Vodka wasn’t my
favorite, but this time it didn’t bother me and I wanted more.
Once I tilted my head back up I notice this man staring at me from a far
distance. He was sitting off in the back with a group of guys. It was a little
dark in this bar so I couldn’t really see his face, only his eyes. “What’s
wrong?” Brye asked tapping on my arm. But, I ignore her. I ignore her just for
a second as I try to figure out who this man was. I can see my sister in the
corner of my eye staring at me crazy. “Earth to Amelia.” She says loudly.
“What, yes, I’m here. Sorry.” I say quickly hoping that guy takes his attention
off of me. I get distracted as I hear those same girls up on the stage singing,
they kept getting louder and louder. One of the workers walks up there to try
and get them off. “Alright, alright I think ya’ll are done, thank you, thank
you.” You could tell he was irritated. “Let’s see who our next singer will be.”
He holds the microphone to his mouth. He looks around trying to find
someone and I see him stop to point at Brye. Oh gosh. The light shines down
on her, making her eyes squint. She wasn’t mad, like I would have been. She
looks at me with a huge smile on her face. I smile back, I couldn’t help but
laugh.
“Good luck.” I tell her as she gets up to walk on stage. “And what is your
name ma’am?” He asks holding the microphone to her mouth. “Brye.” She
says looking around the room. “Nice to meet you Brye, I’m Daniel, let’s see
what song you’ll get to sing tonight.” Okay, so he does have a name. Daniel
taps on the laptop hitting the shuffle button. Next we hear Run It by Chris
Brown play and the whole crowd in the bar starts applauding. I could tell this
would be fun. Daniel gives her the mic before he walks off the stage. I cover
my mouth with laughter when she starts singing along to the lyrics. “Is yo girl,
on the floor? If she ain’t, let me know. Lemme see if you can run it, run it. Boy
indeed I can run it, run it. “So she changed the words a bit, but once she did
that some of the guys started whistling, clapping their hands, and getting on
their feet. They loved it as they made their own little crowd in front of her,
cheering her on. “I got friends and you got friends. They hop out and you hop
in. I look fly and they jockin’. The way you drop, drop – makes me wanna
pop.” She repeats the chorus again and is just having the time of her life up
there. The crowd gets louder and everyone is dancing. Screw sitting up here at
the bar all by myself. I get up on my feet and join everyone else. I make my
way to the front to wave at her, making her smile and wave back. I was so glad
I came out tonight with her. This is exactly what I needed.



Chapter Seven

As I’m singing along with Brye and the rest of the crowd I hear a lot of
commotion coming behind me. Turning my head to look I see an older man,
probably in his late 30’s, with a lady about the same age, it looked like they
were arguing. She was all up in his face pointing while he was hollering back
at her. You could tell they both had a little too much to drink, no tellin’ what
they were fighting about. Then out of nowhere she slaps him in the face,
making him punch her right back. I feel my face get hot and my palms sweat
again, I was pissed and didn’t believe what I had just seen. She’s crying now,
as she holds her face where he hit her, but he’s showing no concern. He didn’t
care about what he had done. Running up to him this guy pulls him by his shirt
and knocks him right back in the face making him fall on his ass. I hear Brye
stop singing trying to figure out what’s going on just like everyone else, as
they stop to stare also. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” He asks
standing up on his feet. “I think I’m the guy who owns this fucking bar.
You’ve had too much to drink, so you need to leave. Now.” He turns his head
to see the lady covering her eye, than looks back towards him, but this time he
gets in his face. “And let me tell you something… you don’t EVER put your
hands on a woman.” The guy looks around to see everyone looking at him
with pure disgust, we all wanted to kick his ass. After he left a couple of girls
run up to the lady to make sure she was okay. No offense, I was worried about
her also, but I couldn’t stop looking at the owner. Now that I knew who owned
this place, I was even more interested.
“Well, that was crazy.” Brye says holding onto my arm. “He’s the owner.” I
say to B, not taking my eyes off of him. It was still a little dark so I couldn’t
make him out clearly. “Yeah, I’ve heard he’s a total badass, but can also be a
dick.” It starts to get crowded around the bar and the stage for karaoke. My
claustrophobia started to kick in, I needed to get some fresh air. “Wanna get
out of here? It’s starting to get too much for me.” Looking around I start to
panic, people were piling in from left to right. She nods to me, grabs my hand
to lead the way. We try and squeeze through about 80 people. I couldn’t
breathe. B turns to look at me. “You okay?” “Yes.” I say very stern. “Let’s just
go.” Once I said that I felt someone watching me, and this time Brye saw him
too. He was off in the back again… I knew who he was now. “Was he staring
at you earlier when you didn’t answer me?” She stops, looking at him when
she realized something. “Sis, that’s the owner.” I could finally see him face
and boy was I in trouble. Our eyes met as they both weren’t blinking. It was
like he could see right through me. His thick dark brown hair touched the back
of his neck and his jaw line had me standing awfully funny. Out of nowhere
Brye pulls my arm and heads for the front door to leave, but I wasn’t ready
anymore. I wanted to go back in there.
As we make our way through the door I could feel a sense of relief, a breath
of fresh air as the wind hits my cheeks. Relaxation came to me, but I was still
standing funny as my legs felt like jell-o. There was something about him.
Why was he staring at me all night? Was there something wrong with me? I
was exhausted once we got home. It was almost 12:30 and all I wanted to do
was go to bed. “Well, that was fun. Did you have a good time?” Brye asks as
we walk through the kitchen. “Yeah, I really did, we should do it again soon.”
I say, than stopped once I heard my cell phone ring. I pulled it out of my purse
and seen the caller ID, it was my work. My job called me constantly wanting
me to cover shifts. I’ve been working at Harlington Foods for about a year ½
now and I absolutely hated it. What could they possibly want now? Holding
my phone I click answer and put the phone on speaker. “Hello?” “Yes,
Amelia, I’m sorry to do this over the phone, but since you’ve been absent for 2
days we’re going to have to let you go. “ I recognized the voice, it was my
boss, and all I could do was stand there. Was I about to get fired? “This isn’t
school.”Brye says loudly, but I cut her off by waving my hand, she was not
about to handle another one of my many problems. “I told you the day before I
left for Tennessee that it was family related and I was already scheduled to be
off tomorrow.” My voice cracks as I reply to her on the phone, started to get
upset actually. “Again, I’m sorry Amelia.” She says one last time than hangs
up. “That’s bullshit, I can’t believe she just did that. You told her you needed
today off and she was fine with it, but now she isn’t?” Brye was furious. All I
could do was stand there, I didn’t even move. Did this really just happen?
“I don’t understand…” I start to say… except the words couldn’t come out.
“I’m going to bed.” I turn towards the hallway, heading for my room. Closing
the door behind me with my back up against it, I start to sink to the floor.
Tears started to burn my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall. I hated my job, yes,
but what was I going to do now? I helped my sister with bills, I’m lucky
enough she put a roof over my head. Our mother doesn’t help us with
anything, only our grandmother, well, she helps Brye… Once she graduates in
a couple of weeks she’ll have a great job, but what about me? I felt like a
failure, like the whole world was caving in on me. I sit up, walk on over to my
bed, alcohol wasn’t the only thing calling my name. That night I had another
nightmare…. and it wasn’t the last.



Chapter Eight

Everything about this dream was how I had remembered. It was the first
time he hurt me. Seven year old pure, innocent, young girl, not understanding
what was going on. I told him to come in my room to have a tea party. He
joins me after looking around to make sure nobody could see us, than shuts the
door. Blaming myself for what had happened is what I have been telling
myself all my life… It’s all your fault… a voice says in my dream. He moves
in closer to me covering my mouth so I wouldn’t be heard. During this
nightmare I could feel my palms sweaty again with my face burning on fire,
but I couldn’t wake up. My uncle then touches me in a way no man should
ever touch a little girl. Covering his mouth with his finger, he then tells me
“Shhh, be quiet.” I wake up with my bed soaking wet from sweat. Why was I
reliving the past and why can’t I put it behind me? As I wake up and come to
my thoughts I can’t help but ball my eyes out. I did not want to think about
this man anymore. My face feels puffy and burns from all the tears.
So, I get out of bed to go straight to the restroom… I really hoped B wasn’t
awake. Thankfully, she was still in her room. Looking at myself in the mirror I
couldn’t recognize who this person was anymore, I looked miserable. Hell, I
was miserable. Cheeks were burning from all the wiping, my eyes were red,
hair was a mess, and this girl just needed a bath. Running the bath water, I try
to be as quiet as I can to not wake my sister up, since it was around 3 in the
morning. As the water is running, I slowly lay my head back and relax for
about 20 minutes. My head races with thoughts of my uncle, the dream, my
job, this pathetic so called life of mine. I start to freak out again. My chest was
hurting, head starts pounding, my stress and anxiety is through the roof.
Feeling like I was about to break, I didn’t see why I was here anymore.
Nothing good was happening for me, the only one who cared for me is my
sister. B, what would she think if I didn’t something stupid to myself? She’s
the main reason I try in life, but I didn’t want to feel like this anymore.
Reaching up I grab my head, the tears would not stop… I was breaking.
Laying back down I reach onto the sides of the tub to lower myself down
further. Next, I’m under water for maybe 2 minutes not realizing I could hold
my breath that long. What was I doing? Water starts splashing everywhere as I
start to feel lightheaded, but something in me just wouldn’t give up. Laying
there with my eyes closed I immediately get pulled up from the water and hear
my sister screaming at me. “What the hell is wrong with you, huh? Were you
trying to kill yourself?” Gasping for air I start coughing my lungs up, I wasn’t
sure what to tell her. Opening my eyes I see her and the concern on her face
was not good… she was pissed. “I’m not sure what I was doing. I’m tired of
feeling like this. I just lost my job, my family hates me, I have no friends.
What purpose do I have being here?” I yell back at her. “How do you think I
would have felt, coming in here to see my sister dead in our bath tub?” She
says not holding anything back. She was upset, mad, angry, hurt, and her
crying didn’t help. I hated seeing her cry. I start to say something then shut my
mouth, I really hurt my sister. Standing up, Brye walks out of the restroom and
slams the door right behind her.
We didn’t talk for 4 days. She went to school, went to her work as a
waitress part time at Barbara’s, a great restaurant a couple miles from our
house, than came home. Unlike me on the other hand, I stayed at home with
nothing to do with my life, like a bum. I tried speaking to her a few times, but
she didn’t want to listen at my excuses for what I did. Not having my sister for
those few days really sucked. I was wrong for not realizing how much I
needed her. Crying in my room I hear her opening my bedroom door, she must
have been off today since it was early for her to be here. “Amelia, can I come
in?” “Yes.” I say softly. She enters, but doesn’t really say much for a moment,
just looks at me. I knew what she was thinking, I looked horrible. “You’ve
been going through things that I can’t even help you with. I found this group
activity class I want you to go to and I’ve already signed you up, so you can’t
back out. The class is tonight.” She says. You could tell her playing ‘the mom’
role was hard since she’s never had to do that. I didn’t argue with her… I
simply nodded as she turns for the door, but then looks back at me with a
small smile. She wanted me to get better and for that I should be thankful.



Chapter Nine


Pulling up to where the group activity class was I start getting anxious.
Would there be other people in the same situations as me?... Or would they
have other issues that they have a hard time with also? “You’ll be ok.” B says
grabbing my hand. Looking down at my hands I didn’t want to leave, what if
they thought of me as ‘disgusting’, just like everyone else did back in
Franklin. “The class should last for an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours, but I’ll
be right here to pick you up.” I don’t say a word. I just look at her and show a
small grin on my lips. Getting out the car, I make my way towards the front
door of the building. It was a small place, no bigger than a shell station. Once
I’m inside I see a few people sitting around making a circle… this must be the
class. Walking in towards the group, I find myself an empty seat and sit beside
a young boy, probably around 16, and he was wearing lipstick. Maybe I wasn’t
the only one nervous and uncomfortable, because I seen him twirling his
thumbs and shaking his legs. Across from me there was a girl who looked
around my age. Her bleach blonde hair fell right on her shoulders, it looked
like a long bob haircut, and she was very attractive. I also noticed these cut
marks on her ankles which were very bright- you couldn’t miss them. Taking
my attention off I quickly looked in the other direction. I didn’t want to stare
and make it awkward.
Hearing the door open I turn my head into that direction to see an older
man joining us holding a binder. He must be the teacher. “Hello everyone,
sorry I’m a little late.” He says looking at us all. “My name is Base Thiels, I’ll
be your counseling teacher… thank ya’ll for coming to this recovery group. I
usually only get one person so I’m glad to see more than just one this time
around.” He pauses to look at us three. “Any questions?” The boy beside me
raises his hand, but not too high, you could tell he didn’t like the attention on
him. “What will we be going over today?” The boy says very softly. “We will
be discussing our past, our present, and our future.” My throat gets very dry. I
did not want to talk about my uncle. Out of nowhere the door opens again and
a familiar face joins us. It was him… from the bar. He walks on over very
calmly and finds his seat, right across from me. I did not want him staring at
me again. Gosh he was beautiful. The lighting in here was perfect, I could
finally see him. Every single detail. His think dark brown hair rested just
below his neck as it flipped out with a little bit of curl to it. Ugh. I wanted to
play in his hair so damn bad. My knees felt weak and I wasn’t even standing.
I’ve never said a word to this guy and I’m already shifting in my seat.
“Hi, thanks for joining us, my name is Base Thiels, I’ll be your counselor
today.” Our teacher repeats to the mystery man whose name I don’t know.
“Let’s start by introducing ourselves.” He points to the young boy first. “Uhm,
my name is Samuel, but you can call me Sam, I’m 15 years old.” Okay, so I
was pretty close to his age. As the minutes go by we each tell each other about
ourselves. “I’m Lauren Peters, just turned 23.” Next was me. Great. “My name
is Amelia Morsen and I’m 21.” Looking up I noticed him looking at me…
once again. Damn, he made me nervous. I look at him as if he’s crazy, letting
him know it’s his turn. He then shifts in his seat once he realized what he was
doing. What a creep. A cute creep. “Hey, I’m Nicholas James, 26.” I froze in
my seat once he said his name. Nicholas James… Nicholas James, I repeat in
my head. Those are the initials I saw engraved on his building. ‘NJ’. Finally, I
can put the pieces together. “I know you, you own the bar Emotions.” Lauren
said, right beside him with a huge grin on her face. Guess it wasn’t just me he
drove crazy. “Yes, I do.” He replies looking back at me. I wish he’d stop doing
that. “Okay, great.” our reach interrupts us. “You all are here for one reason
and that reason is guilt. We can’t get over some things that happened years
ago, months ago, maybe even days ago, out guilt is eating us alive, which
makes it harder to deal with or even move on. I don’t know the situations
you’re in or stories you might have, but I do know one thing that each one of
you has in common… strength. You might not feel strong, but you never know
how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”
Goosebumps filled my arms once he said that as I rub them up and down.
Looking around at each other, the four of us all kind of show a small smile.
Maybe Mr. Thiels was right.
The rest of the day we were formed in 2 groups, 2 sat over here, and 2 sat
over there… just my luck I got stuck with Nicholas. Mr. Thiels told us to tell
each other what makes us happy. “Yellow.” Nicholas says very short. “The
color?” I ask with a confused look, I wasn’t expecting that. “No, the band.”
Okay so he was a smartass. “Alright…” I say looking at the others. They were
both laughing and having a good time, us on the other hand, it was getting
pretty weird. “Things that make me happy… my sister.” I say with a sweet
smile. My sister is my only motivation right now. I notice his cheek bone
move and there was that jaw line again. I was literally about to drool
everywhere, what was this? I wasn’t 3 years old. Get it together Amelia.
“Do you always stare this much?” He was kidding right? My mouth drops
open a little bit; I couldn’t believe what he just said. He’s the one who can’t
keep his eyes off of mine. “Do you?” I reply back very stern. He shrugs his
shoulders not answering the question. “Okay then, what makes you happy?” I
say trying to change the subject. “If you’re going to bring up your sister, than I
would have to say my mother.” I pause as I knew exactly what he was about to
ask. “Doesn’t your mother make you happy?” “No.” Quickly replying back I
could see the confused worried look on his face, he wasn’t expecting that.
“She’s not my happy, she doesn’t make me happy, and she never will.” “Why
would you say that about your own mother?” He says very low… I can’t tell if
he was concerned or if he was getting angry. “If we’re going to play 20
questions then I’m not doing this.” “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you.
What else makes you happy?” I felt horrible for snapping at him but speaking
of my mother wasn’t something I wanted to do.
Continuing this conversation I was going to say my Dad, but Mr. Thiels
stops us from where we’re at and says we will continue in the next class. I
wasn’t sure when the next class was though. “Mr. Thiels?” “Please, call me
Base.” “When’s our next class?” “Next week, you will meet here every
Tuesday at 6.” So, this was a once-a-week thing. “Okay, thanks, have a good
night.” I say to him as I pick up my purse. “You too, Amelia.” Walking
towards the door I step outside to wait on my sister and that’s when I seen him
outside too. He was standing by the steps with his hands in his pockets,
looking out onto the street. I stood there watching him, wondering just what he
was thinking. I feel my breathing change like I was trying to be quiet and not
make a sound. “Nice meeting you.” Lauren and Sam say to me once they were
out the front door. I simply smile back so I would remain quiet and him not
hear me. He turns his head back and I immediately froze. Maybe it wasn’t just
me, because I could tell he was trying to say something…. Was he nervous?
“Hey.” “Hi.” I quickly reply back. “I wanted to introduce myself to you.” He
says walking slowly towards me. “I’m Nicholas James, guess you got all of
that from the class…” He smiles. Holy crap, his smile was contagious. “I
remember you from my bar. Did you have fun?” “Yes, I did. Best night I’ve
had in a while.” “Oh wow, that’s good. Would you be coming back soon?”
“Oh… so you can stare at me some more?” I smile at him and start walking in
the other direction. “Sorry, about that, I see a lot of people in my bar and
you… I’ve never seen. Plus, you don’t seem like the drinking type.” “And
how do you know what my type is?” “Guess you’ll have to come back one
night so I can figure it out.” My breathing starts changing again. Was he
flirting with me and was I flirting back? Gosh I was an idiot. He probably
thought I was one too.
Headlights shine on my face as the car pulls into the driveway to park,
looking around I realize it was my Brye. “That’s my sister, maybe another
night.” I tell him very sadly. I did not want to leave just yet. “Yeah, maybe so.
I’ll see ya next Tuesday.” He says with the same expression as me. “Bye…” I
say slowly walking down the steps to get into B’s car. He simply waves and
remains standing there watching me as I leave. “What the hell? Is that him?”
She asks as I make my way into her car. “Unfortunately…” I say buckling
myself in. “He wants me to come back to his bar one day.” “Then let’s go.”
“We will, but not tonight. I’ll see him again next Tuesday.” “Well, how was
the class and on another note, what’s pretty boy doing in there?” The thought
made me wonder.. Why was he in the class? What was he going through? I
wish I knew exactly. “The class was good, I’m glad you signed me up for it.
Thank you.” Reaching over I give her a big hug. “Now, let’s go home. I’m
starving.”



Chapter Ten


The whole weeks goes by very slowly, it was miserable, I was miserable,
and on top of it I couldn’t stop thinking about him… Those blue eyes, that
smile, and let’s not forget about those baby curls in his hair. I haven’t looked at
a guy like that since I was with Lance, but I never looked at him the way I
look at Nicholas. I saw him twice and he made me feel crazy, nervous, and
breathless. Was it stupid of me to feel this way? Getting ready for the second
week of class I decide to wear my favorite skinny jeans, I knew B would say
something about it, and my white sneakers. Going through my closet I pull out
a Beatles shirt, brush my hair a bit, fix my face, and I was ready. The Beatles
were my Dad’s favorite band, so I wanted to wear it since I’ve been missing
him a lot lately. Before I left my sister picked on me for my jeans again, which
I knew she would. This time I wasn’t making her be my chauffeur again, so I
drove my 2001 Mazda 626. Actually it was Brye’s, but when out grandmother
got her the Mustang she gave it to me.
On my way to the group activity-counseling-class, whatever it was called, I
told myself I was going to be okay. Things were going to be better from now
on and I wasn’t going to worry myself about the little things in life anymore.
At least, try not to. It took me about 15-20 minutes to get there and when I
walked in I realize I’m the last one to join the group. Same four faces stare at
me as I walk in to find my seat. The only seat available was one right next to
Nicholas, how ironic. “Welcome Amelia, nice to see you again.” Base says to
me. Smiling, I nod back to him, trying to not let my shyness interfere. “Today
we’re going to talk about a difficult time we have all been through. Telling me
how you felt will help you open up to deal with the pain.” I take a deep breath,
shifted in my seat, I wanted to run for the hills. “Since I’m the teacher I’ll go
first... About 3 years ago I was taking care of my mother for quite some time
now due to her being diagnosed with Leukemia. I had to work late one night
due to a conference and that’s when I got the call from my sister, she called to
tell me my mother had passed away. She was all alone at her house, nobody
was there for her. Now I have to live with guilt of not being there for her, for
the rest of my life.” My heart just broke for him as he tells us his story. You
could see the pain in his voice as he tells us about his mother. I thought of my
dad. “I’m very sorry.” I tell him softly, I wanted him to know he was not
alone. “My father passed away too when I was a little girl, so I understand
completely.” “Thank you..” Base says as he wipes the tear from his face.
“And, I’m very sorry to hear that as well.”
He looks at us three and calls on Lauren to go first. She didn’t seem angry
or upset, I genuinely thought she just didn’t want to be here. “Growing up I
was told I’d never be good enough. Last spring a Doctor told my mom I had
been suffering with schizophrenia and said mainly my brain chemicals were
imbalanced. I remember things as a kid like me talking to the wall, and at
school the kids thought I was ‘retarded’ and ‘mental’. So, I’ve been dealing
with this my whole life since I was maybe around the age of ten.” She started
getting nervous as her cheeks got red and so did her eyes. Reaching down, she
grabs the bottom of her jeans to show us the cut marks on her ankles. “I’d cut
myself every single night. As crazy as this sounds the pain helped, I liked the
pain.” Sitting back, I knew she was done talking. She didn’t want to go on
about this anymore. “Thank you for sharing that Lauren. You should never
feel embarrassed for that. People deal with things differently and I think you’ll
be just fine, but, if I may ask. When’s the last time you’ve cut yourself?”
“About nine months ago.” “Really, wow, that’s great to hear. You are making
progress.”
Base turns his head in the other direct to look at Sam. He instantly froze.
“What about you Sam, anything you would like to share from the past?” He
was wearing light pink lipstick again, had spiky hair and the cutest freckles by
his nose. “Well, you can see I’m different. I like make up. Just like Lauren was
saying I get called ugly names too. I also got bullied a lot for dressing different
and not looking like the other… boys. My mom thinks it’s just a phase… and
my dad, he wants nothing to do with me.” He says looking down at his
thumbs, he was so uncomfortable. “Well, what do you think?” Sam instantly
looks up at him, he wasn’t too sure on what to say. “I don’t… I don’t know…
not sure.” Sam replies as he shrugs his shoulders. “Well, how did those people
make you feel?” “Sad… I guess. I just got over it.” He was being very quiet,
he didn’t know what else to say and Base kept asking questions over and over
again. Sam wasn’t standing up for himself. He looked so helpless as Base was
trying to get under his skin. I wasn’t having it. “He’s done talking.” I say
loudly making the room go quiet as they all stare at me. “You see him shutting
down, he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.” “Amelia, this is my job.
I’m not trying to upset anyone.” He seemed too pushy with Sam; I think that’s
why I was getting very annoyed. I just sit there really pissed off holding
everything back.
“I apologize Sam; I won’t get into this anymore with you, only when
you’re ready to share.” Base says to him as he writes in his binder, keeping
notes on us four I guess. “Well guys, I have to cut our time today short, I have
another class to teach tonight about 45 minutes away.” Base tells us standing
up as he gets his things together. I guess I was glad class got cut short today…
I was ready to leave. Getting up I try to make myself out when Nicholas stops
me. “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” The deep tone in that voice of his had
me on edge. “What did you have in mind?” I say tucking the hair behind my
ears; I think I was even blushing for a moment. “Let me figure out exactly
what your type is…” He says smiling and I couldn’t help but smile back.



Chapter Eleven


The drive to the bar felt like the longest fifteen minutes of my life. As we
were leaving our class he tells me I’m riding with him in his truck, and not by
myself. I didn’t argue as I seen his truck in the corner of my eye, it was huge.
It was so jacked up, I couldn’t barely get in as he lifted me up to get in. I was a
little embarrassed. At least he was amused about it, we both couldn’t stop
laughing. On our way there we didn’t say a word, I was often wondering if
maybe he was nervous too. Pulling up to his bar I wasn’t ready to get out, the
thought of people seeing him with me made me uncomfortable. Why would he
want to bring me here? Why does he want to spend time with me? He walks on
over to my side and opens the door for me… I couldn’t help but smile. “Thank
you... but you didn’t have to do that.” I tell him nervously waiting on his
response as I jump down from the truck. “You’re right, I didn’t want to, but I
wanted to.” Looking in the other direction, I try to take my mind off of him.
He was so damn hot. “No boyfriend of yours ever opened any doors for you?”
“Ex boyfriend… his name was Lance and no he wasn’t like that towards me.”
He got quiet once I said that. I quickly looked at him and seen the concern on
his face. He was pissed. “Well, he’s an idiot. Let’s go inside. I could use a
drink or two.”
As soon as we walk in every single eye was on us. I was right; I knew
everyone would make a big deal out of this. Was it because of his looks,
because he was the owner, or because he was with me? “Uhm, is there a
problem?” Nicholas says loudly for everyone to hear. “If you work for me get
back to work.” His employees moved their feet quickly once he said that. We
find our way through the crowd and get a seat up at the bar by the karaoke
stage. Tonight there was an older man singing along to Country Boy Can
Survive and I’ll be honest I enjoyed it, he was actually very good. Sitting up at
the bar I pull out my phone to text my sister. ‘Hey I’m out with Nicholas. Be
home later’ one thing I loved about her was that she didn’t take a year to reply
back ‘ok have fun, keep your hands to yourself’. All I could do was smile at
my phone, she knew how to make it awkward for me. “What would you like
to drink?” Nicholas says making me distracted from my phone. “Uhm,
Margarita?” He sits there smiling at me, then asks the bartender for what I
wanted. “Hey Alex, yeah can you get her a margarita on the rocks and I’ll take
a beer.” “Yes sir.” He says nodding his head. Alex was very tall, light blonde
hair that curved to the right side, not bad looking at all.
Watching Alex fix my drink I couldn’t get over how fast he was. He was
fixing not only my drink, but maybe five others as well. “Wow, he’s really
good.” “I know, he’s my best employee, been here since I first opened.” “How
long have you been open for?” I asked reaching for my drink Alex hands me.
“Almost 3 years now.” He says putting the beer to his lips as I watch him
trying hard not to stare like a freak… those lips. “Can I ask why you named
this bar Emotions?” He laughs once I asked. “I get that a lot, I don’t really
know. Everyone has emotions running through their body. Nerves, adrenaline,
fear, aches… I figured this place could have a lot of meaning to it with certain
people that come in. Certain people that make you stare.” There I go again
shifting in my seat as the words fell out from his mouth. He was talking about
me. I start to take a sip of my drink again so he might take his attention off of
me. Sorry I asked, shit. “So, what are you in that class for?” Looking down at
my hands I freeze up. I did not want to talk to him about my past right now,
especially not in his bar with a bunch of people. “Isn’t that what the class is
for… to talk about our problems?” “Fair enough, I just wanna know a little
more about you. You seem… guarded.” He says looking at me, with that look
again. Like he could see something more deep down about me, and sure
enough he was going to figure it out. I stop talking as I stare back at him and
once I realized I wasn’t breathing I hurried and looked the other way. How was
I going to explain to him what happened to me? How was I going to explain to
him about something that traumatized my life?
“My family is all screwed up. They don’t care about me and I don’t care
about them. It’s a real fucked up situation. They hurt me way too many times,
too many times to even count. Plus, about a week ago my mother slapped me
in the face… so there’s that.” Reaching for my drink, I take a long hard sip,
almost finishing the entire glass. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He says drinking
more of his beer too. “Well, whatever they did I hope they realize they lost a
great girl.” The expression I had on my face was pretty obvious, he was full of
shit. “No offense, don’t take this the wrong way, but you know nothing about
me.” “And whose fault is that?” He smiles giving me that look again as my
cheeks get hot. Looking up through my lashes I see him still staring at me…
he has got to stop doing that. “Ok then, what would you like to know?”
Opening his mouth to speak I quickly interrupt him. “No, you tell me
something about you first. I’m not the only one with secrets.” “Fair enough
again…” He says smiling again, damn; I could look at that smile every day.
“My mom told me about this counseling therapy-whatever class and said it
would help me with my ‘holding grudges’ issue. I’m not really fond of my
dad; he’s an alcoholic who treated us like shit. She says he’s been sober for
like six months now and that I should try to get over it and move on. The thing
is… I don’t know how to.” He looks over at me again, I could tell he was a
little embarrassed as he takes another long sip. You could hear the pain in his
voice and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. “I don’t really know how to
move on from my past either. So, maybe we have more in common than we
thought.” We get quiet for a few minutes as we watch the man on stage
singing.
“So…” He says wanting me to tell him more about myself. “Okay okay,
uhm. I’m originally from Tennessee, I had a family ordeal that caused me to
move in with my sister about 2 ½ years ago, I recently lost my job, and had a
nervous breakdown/depression that also made me suicidal, so my sister put me
in that class.” Shifting in my seat I feel my anxiety building up, I hated talking
about my pathetic life. “You know you don’t ever have to feel embarrassed
around me, my life is just as screwed up.” He laughs, making me laugh with
him. He was right, maybe I wasn’t the only one dealing with bullshit. “Thank
you.” “Anytime… but on a serious note, you lost your job?” “Yep.” “Then
why not work for me?” You’ve got to be kidding. “Work for you?” “Yes, you
can work with Alex.” I look over to see Alex in the corner behind the counter,
looking at Nicholas like he was crazy. You and me both. “Are you sure? He
doesn’t seem happy it about it and plus, I don’t know anything about
drinks…” “Yes, I’m serious. Alex can get over it, he’ll do what I tell him to
do.” He says leaning up in his chair, he wanted me to hear him loud and clear.
“Nicholas, I appreciate it, but you really..” “Amelia, quit being so hard headed
and listen to me on this. I want to help you, let me help you.” He interrupts me
by grabbing my hand. As his hand touched mine I couldn’t help but feel this
weird tingle in my stomach, and when he said my name… I wanted him to
same my name over and over again. He was right, I was hard headed, I just
never had someone treat me this way before, he was being so nice and
understanding, but why? Why me? Gosh, he made me act crazy.
I quickly pull my hand away to place it in my lap, I wasn’t sure how to
even act right now in front of him. It was getting warm in here…. or was it
just me? “I think I’m done drinking, I don’t wanna get too drunk. Can you
bring me back to my car?” “Okay, sure.” He seemed sad and confused, like
you didn’t want me to leave. Trust me, Nicholas, I didn’t want to leave either,
but being around him, I can’t think straight. Plus, these dirty thoughts about
him in my head wouldn’t go away, I had to go. I tell Alex bye and that it was
nice meeting him while I get up from my seat, making my way for the door.
Once we were outside I feel the cool breeze wash over my face again as I
finally catch my breath. I felt a shiver go down my spine when I realized it
was him touching my back. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” The
tone in his voice made me sad, I had upset him, but I didn’t mean to.
I take a deep breath then turn around to see this beautiful man’s face; I had
to face my fears. “I’m fine.” I say calmly as I stare in his eyes. I could get lost
in them. “It’s been a long time since anyone’s looked at me the way you do.
You look at me like you know all my secrets, like you wanna figure me out,
and I know that because I look at you the same way. The way you touched my
hand, you make me uncomfortable, and sometimes I forget to catch my breath
or even breathe. You make me nervous. I’ve only seen you a couple times,
which makes this crazy, but I can’t help myself. I get all awkward around you
and I never know what to say. I’m sorry.” Looking up at Nicholas I see him
smiling at me, just standing there, which kind of irritated me. “You think this
is funny?” I say really annoyed. “No… but I think you’re really cute when you
get mad.” I roll my eyes and shake my head, trying to ignore the fact that he
just called me cute. “I’m not mad, I just… I just told you how I feel and all
you do is smile at me.” “I’m smiling because, well, maybe I feel the same
about you.” He says slowly, not taking his eyes off me. I wanted to faint.. that
was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. “Really?” I say quietly,
almost nervous like I didn’t want anyone to hear. “Yes, but please take the job,
Alex can teach you, and I know you’ll do great.” The concern in his voice sent
me over edge… he cared about me and that really made me happy. I hardly
ever feel happy, about anything. “If you want me to that bad, then fine.” I say
with a small smile looking down awkwardly, I couldn’t help but be awkward
around him. “Good.” He laughs. “Let’s take you to your car.”



Chapter Twelve

After I get home I couldn’t take the smile off my face for nothin’, I was so
happy. When I opened the door to our apartment Brye cornered me asking a
million questions. “So, did you have fun?” “What did ya’ll do?” “Did you kiss
him?” “Did he kiss you?” “Brye shut up, nothing happened.” I say trying to
make my way around her. “But, I do have a job tomorrow night.” “What? Oh
my gosh, that’s awesome Am. Wait… he gave you a job?” She says very
shocked. I know, I couldn’t believe it either. I stand there nodding back at her
in return; I was so tired that I just wanted her to stop talking. “Okay, I can tell
by your face you want me to shut up… I’m happy for you.” “Thanks, I’m
going to bed.” “You and me both, I’ve been up studying for a test I take Friday
and then graduate next Thursday… Hallelujah!!!” She screams with
excitement, almost busting my eardrum, but who could blame her? I was
happy for her too. My face turns from happy to sad, angry, upset when It
dawned on me. For her graduation our family will be there. I was dreading that
day of seeing them again. “What is it?” Brye asks when she sees the
expression on my face. “Mom and grandma.” I say looking up at her slowly.
“They will be in town for your graduation.” I tell her looking down again as I
stare at my fingers, I couldn’t look at my sister without crying. “Shit, I didn’t
even think about it until now, I’m so sorry sis.” “It’s not your fault, just going
to be hard, but it’s your day.” Looking up I find my way to Brye and without
letting my tears fall I tell her goodnight then head for my room. Just when I
thought I’d finally be happy I end up being in the same situation all over
again. This depression sucked… I take off my shoes, lie down on my bed, and
then cry myself to sleep.
Throughout the night I’d wake up every other hour with those same weird
dreams I had before. This time it was me and Brye playing in her room when I
kept telling her over and over again ‘he won’t leave me alone’ ‘why me’. We
were probably around nine – ten years old at the time and I still remember it
just like yesterday. He always went after me, but never Brye, he said she
wasn’t as sweet as I was. “Who won’t leave you alone Am?” Brye asks
holding onto my arms, she could see the pain and fear in my eyes. “Uncle
Kip.” I tell her quietly so he wouldn’t hear me. The walls started caving in on
me; I get paranoid looking around the room. Was I going crazy? I was scared
for my life. “Amelia, calm down.” She says grabbing my face letting me hear
her. “NO!!!” I shout at her. “HE’S COMING…. I CAN HEAR HIM… HE’S
COMING.” I wake up from this terrible nightmare with pouring sweat all
down my face. Barely catching my breathe I look around the room trying to
figure out where I am.
“Oh my God.” I tell myself. I wipe my forehead trying to get all of the
sweat off when B comes storming through the hallway and into my room.
“What the hell, are you okay?” She asks standing there with her pj’s on and
hair on the top of her head. I must have woken her up too. “I’m sorry, could
you hear me?” “Well of course I could, I’m sure the whole complex heard you.
You were screaming in your sleep.” My mouth drops in horror… I’ve never
screamed in my sleep before… as far as I knew. “Brye, I don’t know what’s
happening to me. These dreams keep coming back about Uncle Kip and I
guess I just lost it. We were back in your room and I was telling you he
wouldn’t leave me alone.”
Brye walks on over to me and sits on the side of my bed. “I remember that
day…” You could barely hear her say those words as they fell out of her
mouth; it was like she didn’t wanna bring it up. “It was the worst day of my
life hearing you tell me everything he did to you. As your big sis it’s my job to
protect you from everything… and that day I felt like I failed.” The hurt in her
voice made me reach up to hold her in my arms. “Brye, it was never your
fault. Don’t ever think that.” I could feel her tears running down my shoulder;
I really hated seeing her upset… over me. “I think you should open up to your
teacher in the therapy class or even tell Nicholas.” Brye says lifting her head
up to wipe away her tears. “He’s the only one you’ve gotten close too over
these years, I see something about you two, but I can’t describe it. Ya’ll have
some kind of connection, it’s like you understand each other and where both of
you come from.” “Tell Nicholas? Then what will he think of me?” “That’s
what you’re afraid of? What people will think of you? What he will think of
you?” I look away not wanting her to see me, I was angry… but not at Brye, at
myself. Moving on from my past was hard, it was always going to haunt me,
but maybe she was right. If Nicholas can open up to me about his issues, than I
should be able to do the same. Looking back at her I smile and nod, letting her
know she was right. “If you can open up and deal with the past you might be
able to move forward Amelia. Please tell me you will.” “I will B. It’s going to
be hard, but I will.” Tonight may be the night I tell him everything. I want him
to know the real me.



Chapter Thirteen


My mind was spinning the whole day preparing myself for tonight. Getting
ready I decided to wear jeans shorts, since the weather outside was getting
crazy hot, with a black tank top and Sperry’s. I put my hair in a high pony and
throw on just a tad bit of makeup. One good thing about his bar was that it was
country as all get out, you didn’t find anyone in heels… mostly boots, tennis,
or even flip flops. Nicholas is always wearing wrangler jeans with his Ariat’s,
which also made him super sexy, but what’s crazy is I’ve never been interested
in country boys before. He sure did prove me wrong. When I’m done getting
dressed I tell my sister bye and head for the bar. My nerves were getting the
best of me, but I wouldn’t let them get in the way.
Pulling up I see the parking lot crowded, I could barely find a spot to park.
It was only Wednesday night, I didn’t think his bar would be this crowded.
Making my way through the door I see the same tall blonde from the other day
greeting everyone, she was a real bitch. I look the other way trying to walk
past her when I feel her grab the back of my arm. “Well, well. I see you came
back to ‘this place’.” She says with a sarcastic smartass look. What was her
problem with me? “Let go of me.” I should back at her as I jerk my arm away.
Who the hell did she think she was? “She works here now you idiot.”
Someone says from across the floor as I turn my head I find Alex looking back
at me smiling. “You work here?” She says with a confused look. I don’t even
look at her or acknowledge her, I just laugh on the inside.
I turn my heel and head for the bar to find Alex. “Sorry about that you’ll
have to ignore her, it’s what I do.” He says cleaning the glasses and wiping
down the counter. “She always like that?” I ask taking a seat at the bar.
“Unfortunately, she’s only been here about 3 months though. There was a
rumor she slept with Nicholas and he never called her back or would even talk
to her. Honestly, I wouldn’t talk to her either, she’s bat shit crazy and super
jealous, won’t even leave him alone.” I take a deep breath as his words go
through my head. “But, don’t worry, I don’t think anything happened between
them. She’s had a thing for him since she first started… he was never into her
though.” He winks as he continues to clean the counter. Was it obvious I had a
thing for him also? Guess so.
“Nicholas doesn’t bring a lot of girls here, yeah he has a lot of girls all over
him, but you… you’re the only one I’ve seen. So, I’d say he’s pretty into you
also, and crazy ass can get over it.” He says looking over at crazy bitch again
making me laugh. Alex was pretty cool and I appreciated everything he was
saying. “Okay and what about you? You bring a lot of girls up here?” I ask
winking back at him. “Honey, the only female I brought up here is my mother,
and… I don’t sleep with girls.” He says leaning back against the counter. I
look at him confused when reality set it. “You’re gay?” Holy shit. I would
have never guessed. “Took you long enough.” He laughed. “I know I know, I
don’t seem like someone to be in that ‘category’, as people will call it… but
what our society needs to understand it looks can be deceiving.” I nod back
towards him agreeing, he had a point. “I mean am I right? Look at me.” He
stands there all proud with his hands on his hips, grinning from ear to ear. I
couldn’t help but laugh with him, he was cracking me up. “Okay Alex, let’s
not flatter ourselves.” “Fine.” He says grabbing some glasses from the top
shelves. “Come around here so we can get started. I need to show you how to
make a couple drinks before the 7 o’clock crowd comes. Why 7? I have no
clue.”
I get down from the bar stool and walk around the back to meet with him.
Excitement hit me as we were about to make a few drinks, I was enjoying this
night so far and couldn’t wait to get started. Twenty minutes later go by and he
has me making drinks I have never even heard of. We made this one drink
called the Green Ghost, it had gin, chartreuse, and lime juice, which tasted tart
for me, but he loved it. He had me filling cocktail shakers with ice to make
martinis and margaritas. We mixed Malibu and pineapple juice to make pina
colada. He shows me under the counter where the vodka, tequila, and whisky
were. Above the ice chest full of miller lite, budlight, and coors light there was
different kinds of wine on the shelves. I didn’t realize just how many alcohol
drinks there were. “You’ll be fine, don’t stress yourself too much.” Alex says
bumping his shoulder against mine as he fixes more drinks. I guess he could
see the puzzled look on my face, because I didn’t know what the hell I was
doing. I give him a sarcastic laugh trying to not let my nerves get the best of
me, which they did all the time.
Before I knew it, it was 7 o’clock and that’s when the crowd started pouring
in. He was right, they were pretty busy around this time. About ten people
came up to the bar asking for drinks. Some were easy to deal with especially
the ones asking for beer or shots, but some weren’t so nice. “I’ll take a dirty
martini, but not dirty, I’m tryna stay pure.” This older gentleman says on the
other side of the bar, as he leans over the counter. He then winks at me like he
was trying to be cute. “Excuse m..” “I got it.” Alex shouts making me not
finish my sentence. “Watch your little attitude girl.” He whispers in my ear.
“Customers are going to flirt and some may be weird about it, just deal with
it.” He laughs handing the older guy his dirty martini. “Got it. Sorry.” Looking
around I wasn’t too sure what to do, so I stand there watching him for a while
and step back. “What would you like?” Alex says to a lady who looked like
she was in her mid 30’s. Her hair was a mess, she wore this horrible brown
color lipstick, and her lashes were about to fall off her eyes. “I don’t know…
something good.” She tells him snobby, taking a seat on the bar stool. He turns
quickly around towards me and rolls his eyes. “That’s the most annoying and
ignorant order, because it’s NOT a fucking order.” He says with disgust, then
makes her a gin and tonic, which is pretty simple and quick to make, it’s
literally two shots of gin with tonic water. “Here you go.” He says putting the
drink on the bar for her. She smiles, with an irritated look and walks off.
I couldn’t help but hear these two guys up on the stage singing to Cold As
Ice by Foreigner, brought back memories since it was one of my dad’s favorite
songs. “Ma’am?” Someone calls from the bar, but I was completely out of it,
like I couldn’t focus and tuned her out. “Ma’am?” She calls again making me
jump. “Uh, yes, I’m sorry.” I reply to her trying to focus. That song just took
me in a place with me and B. Our dad took us to school every morning before
he went in for work at the Lumber Company, and he would always play that
song, letting us all sing together with him. It became our favorite also. “Can I
have a glass of Pink Moscatto?” The lady says with a soft smile. She didn’t
seem upset or annoyed with me for not paying attention, so that was good.
“Sure.” I smile back, and then reach up for the wine bottle on the shelf. An
hour passes; I wanted to sit down as my feet were killing me. I can’t count
how many times Alex stepped on my feet or me tripping on him, but I didn’t
screw up any orders or make any messes… so I was proud of myself. “You
can take a break Amelia, you’ve done great your first day.” Alex says holding
onto my shoulders. “You sure?” “Yes, I’ll make you a screw driver, take a seat
and relax.” He moves me into the other direction and laughs. “Ok. Ok.” I say
laughing with him. He fixes me the drink setting it on the counter as I find my
way to the bar stool. Who would have guessed I would like pineapple juice
with vodka?
I sit at the bar taking a long hard sip of my drink, it was very good. I feel
someone behind me as their body heat makes me shift in my seat, the little tiny
hairs on the back of my neck stands up, and I could hear someone breathing
hard in my ear. They were so close. Turning slowly to the seat beside me,
shockingly, it was Nicholas. He was smiling, taking a sip of his Coors Light.
“So, how did you do?” He says holding his arm to the back of my chair. This
breathing problem of mine I had with him needed to stop. Damn. His cologne
smelled amazing and he was looking hotter than ever. He was wearing a
baseball cap that made his baby curls flip out in the back, had a white polo
shirt on with jeans and tennis. Usually, he’s dressed as an everyday southern-
country boy, but tonight, damn tonight, he was casual and so sexy. I had to
stop staring, so I turned towards my drink to take another hard sip, almost
getting a brain freeze. “Get it together Amelia.” I say to myself.



Chapter Fourteen


I felt paralyzed as I sit there continuing to drink my drink, honestly, it was
because I couldn’t even remember what the hell he just asked me. I was such
an idiot. “What was the question?” Looking back at him feeling embarrassed.
He spits out his beer making a mess on the floor and a little bit on his pants, as
he laughs at me. As soon as he did that I quickly move back a bit, avoiding the
nasty beer spit, hoping he wouldn’t get any on me. “Glad I could amuse you.”
I say smiling, couldn’t stop if I tried. “Sorry, I can’t believe I just did that. All
I did was ask a question, then next thing I know you can’t even speak.” I roll
my eyes quickly, getting annoyed, but he was right and I hated that. “I guess
I’ll ask again, how did you do?“ “I think I did pretty good, working with Alex
is a lot of fun.” Looking over at Alex I smile once he sees me, making him
smile back. “Good, I knew you’d do great.” Nicholas says as he gently tilts his
head to look over at me. Not moving, I look at him too… wondering what he’s
thinking. Then I remember what the whole purpose of tonight was… to tell
him everything, everything about my past. I sit up straight trying to focus, still
holding onto my drink and slowly opening my mouth to speak. It was so much
harder than I thought.
“What is it?” He could tell something was wrong, something was bothering
me. He slowly sits up with me, trying to read my lips. “There’s… a lot you…
a lot you don’t know about me.” I say softly, almost whispering, scared
someone would hear us. I look down once I felt my hear racing. Why couldn’t
I do this? I was afraid he’d leave me too, just like everyone else. He’s the one
person I’ve gotten a close relationship with lately. I was scared I would lose
that. I was scared I would lose him. “I can see it’s hard for you to tell me…
and that’s okay…” He says moving down towards my face so I could hear
him. “Whatever it is, I don’t care.” I slowly look up meeting his eyes. They
were light brown, almost hazel like. “I want to tell you everything Nicholas.” I
say reminding him he wouldn’t back out from this; it was my turn to tell
secrets. “Okay.” He nods. “But, maybe we can talk somewhere else, without
all these nosy people.” He says looking around.
 Moving down from his seat, he stands up holding out his hand for me to
take it. Where was he taking me? I wasn’t sure. I look up at him clueless, but
reaching for his hand I quickly get up and follow him. Walking through the
crowd wasn’t as bad as before when I first came here. Nicholas had a firm grip
on my hand not wanting to let go, which was sweet, because I didn’t wanna let
go of him either. As I’m following him I notice he’s making our way to the
stage for karaoke. I see the same guy from the other night, Daniel, up on stage
trying to pick another song when he stops and sees Nicholas. “Are you
serious?” Daniel says excited as he puts the mic to his mouth. “Everyone, this
doesn’t happen a lot, but the owner of Emotions is going to sing ya’ll.” The
crowd claps and cheers, whistling him on stage. He turns his head around to
look at me and smiles. What was he doing? “There are things you don’t know
about me either.” “I’m not going up there!” I say trying to pull my hand away,
but he wouldn’t let me go. He walks me up to the stage with him to talk to
Daniel for a minute, and then sits me down telling me he’ll be right back.
Great. He left me on stage for maybe two minutes, but it felt like an hour with
everyone staring at me, I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. Nicholas finally
comes back with a guitar and takes the seat next to me. I didn’t say a word, but
just watched him. Maybe it was my stage fright that kicked in or it could be
just me being curious as to what he was doing.
“Hey guys, I hope everyone is having a good night tonight.” He says
through the mic making the crowd cheer some more. “I’m Nicholas James.”
He says with a big smile. Gosh, he was so cute. “Yes, Daniel’s right, I don’t do
this a lot, but maybe some things need to change.” He stops to look over at
me, making me blush. I couldn’t move even if I tried, I was so nervous, and I
wasn’t even the one singing. I notice no music plays through the computer…
Nicholas starts to play and sing alone. The way he played his guitar and held
on every note was impressive. He must have been playing since he was a little
boy. When he opens his mouth to sing, I was wrong, he playing wasn’t the
only thing impressive, his voice was too. Opening my mouth in pure shock I
hurried and closed it before anyone could see. I could listen to him sing all
day.

“Honey load up your questions
and pick up your sticks and your stones
and pretend I’m a shelter for
heartaches that don’t have a home

Choose the words that cut like a razor
and all that I’ll say is…

Fire away
take your best shot
show me what you got
honey, I’m not afraid
rear back and take aim
and fire away

Well I wish I could say
that I’ve never been here before
but you know and I know
that I’ll always come back for more

Your love might be my damnation
but I’ll cry to my grave…

Fire away
take your best shot
show me what you got
honey, I’m not afraid
rear back and take aim
and fire away”


When he finishes the song everyone cheer his name, even the customers at
the bar stood up on their feet making their way to the stage. He deserved all
the attention he was getting, because damn he was amazing. I was even
clapping in my seat and smiling at him. “Thank you.” He says in the mic, then
stands up to put the guitar away. I quickly step down from my seat and make
my way off the stage when I see ‘crazy blonde bitch’ in the corner with her
arms crossed staring at me. I couldn’t figure out if it was me she was staring
at, or Nicholas, whoever it was she knew how to make them uncomfortable.
“It’s me she has a problem with, not you.” He says making his way beside me.
“Did you sleep with her?” The words fell out of my mouth before I could stop
them. Quickly shutting my lips I shake my head trying to put some sense into
me. “That’s what I heard… plus it’s none of my business if you did.” “No,
Amelia. I didn’t.” He tells me very short, did I make him mad? “I took her out
to eat one night, because she told me she was broke and was hungry. After that
night she wouldn’t leave me alone. She gets crazy over pretty girls like you
that come here, that’s why she gives you a hard time.” Not even caring about
what the hell he just said, all I heard was ‘pretty’. “You think I’m pretty?”
Asking quietly with my head down like I was in junior high again. Really?
“No..” He says very short again, making me pick my head up. “I think you’re
beautiful.” Gosh he knew how to make my knees weak and my cheeks hot. “Is
it getting hot in here to you?” I say fanning myself with my hands. Nicholas
laughs holding out his hand again for me to take it. I grab it letting him lead
the way, once again.



Chapter Fifteen


I wasn’t sure where he was taking me again, but I didn’t care. To just be
with him alone for maybe 5 minutes made my heart pound. We make our way
to the back corner of the bar that led to these double doors. Once he opened
them for me I see some old wooden stairs, not sure where they went up to, but
I followed him up there. As we reach the top I see another guitar leaning up
against the wall by a leather couch. There was also a huge kitchen, that was
bigger than my bedroom, and a medium sized picture of Nicholas standing
next to a man and a woman, I wondered if those were his parents. He looked
just like his dad if so… I see where he got his brown eyes from. “Is this where
you live? It’s incredible up here.” I say turning towards him. “Thank you, and
yes this is one of my happy’s.” He says smiling taking a seat on the couch next
to a huge TV, probably 70”, in his living room. His happy’s… just like we
discussed in our class. “And these are your parents?” Pointing at the picture on
the shelf, he nods. “Yep.” I could tell he didn’t want to talk about his dad,
which was fine, I wasn’t going to make him. Plus, I’m the one who needs to
tell him about myself, he already did that for me.
The flooring through his whole place was hardwood and the walls were
painted in this beautiful light brown, almost coffee color. “Want anything to
drink or eat?” Getting up, he asks as he walks towards the kitchen. “Uh, sure.
Anything is fine.” I say to him taking a seat on the couch. While he was in the
kitchen I take my phone out to see if I had any messaged from Brye and I
notice there’s one from my mom. Tapping on the screen I read her message;
‘I’m so sorry for everything… can we talk?’ I take a big breath reading what
she had texted me. Really mom? Now you want to talk? I quickly close my
phone with frustration when he walks in. “Everything ok?” Nicholas says
holding onto a plate of chips and dip as he sets it on the coffee table. “Yes…”
“You don’t look ok.” He always knew when something was wrong. He slowly
walks on over taking a seat right beside me on the couch. Damn, he spelled so
good. “It was just my mom. She had texted me saying she’s sorry and wants to
talk.” I say reaching up for a chip. One thing about me is that when I get
nervous I tend to distract myself with anything I can find, so right now it
would be chips.
“The mother that slapped you?” “Yep. That would be her.” I laugh
sarcastically. “What did she slap you for?” Looking up to meet his eyes again I
try to keep myself together. I would not cry in front of him. “I uh… we… we
were at my uncle’s funeral and I told him I hoped he burns in hell.” I almost
chocked on my words as I tried to spit them out. He then gives me a shocked
look, but then reaches over to get chips as well. “Are you not fond of your
uncle?” I wanted to throw up. Not ‘fond’ of him wasn’t even the word. More
like despised him. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted you to
know why I’m in the class were taking together, I want you to know my past
before Sam and Lauren find out.” Nicholas doesn’t say anything, but grabs my
hand and nods. “I know you hear me mention my uncle a lot, so I’m going to
explain to you why. He’s not a good person. When I was little he would come
in my room and do things to me.” I say slowly looking up from staring at our
hands, I didn’t want him to be disgusted of me. He had this confused/pissed
off look like he was trying to put the pieces together. I could feel my eyes
burning and a lump in my throat made it hard to speak. “He wouldn’t stop or
leave me alone.” There was no holding back, the tears just kept falling as I
continued to explain everything. “I tried to tell my mom, but she said to keep
it to myself or I would ‘ruin’ our family. The only ones who believed me were
Brye… and our dad.” I stopped talking so I could look at Nicholas and see
what he was thinking, but he wouldn’t say anything. “If you want me to go
then I’ll just go.” I say standing up from the couch when I feel him pull me
back down. “Why would I want you to go?” “I don’t know.” I say shrugging
my shoulders. “Maybe you think I’m disgusting and you wouldn’t want to be
around me anymore.” Looking down I feel him tilt my chin up to look me in
the eyes, I noticed we did that a lot.
“You don’t ever have to feel ashamed or unwanted for what happened to
you, and you don’t ever have to feel that way around me.” Those words
tugged on my heart. Nobody has ever been so compassionate or caring like he
has. He lets go of me to wipe away the tear rolling down my cheek. The back
of his finger stroked my face, making me get shivers up and down my arms.
“I’m very sorry you have to deal with that bullshit, and the fact that your
family doesn’t even believe you makes me sick. Makes me really fucking
angry. I can see why you’re so guarded, they made you this way.” “I just
didn’t want you to leave me… like everyone else did, besides Brye. My
friends back home stopped hanging around me when the word got out. I tried
to press charges against him, but his attorney’s called me horrible names,
cheap slut, whore, disgusting of a human. That’s what my ‘friends’ back home
also called me too, especially my ex boyfriend. He said the attention he got
was ‘too much’ for him. He didn’t want that title anymore.” I say shaking my
head with disappointment, he hurt me bad… but I got over it. Those were the
worst days of my life, I didn’t want to relive or think about them anymore.
“He wasn’t there for you during all of that? After he found out what your
uncle did to you… he just left?” He asked furiously, while I nodded back. He
then leans in closer to me holding onto my face to meet his. We both sit there
looking at each other, staring, he looks at me… like he can see right through
me, and that’s what I loved about him. He doesn’t care about my past; all he
cares about is me. “You don’t ever have to worry about me. I’m not going
anywhere.” He says as he gently strokes my top and bottom lips, then he leans
in to make ours meet. He kisses me. Soft at first, but then hard like he couldn’t
get enough. Reaching up I put my arms around his neck, then slowly take his
cap off to play in those baby curls of his. His tongue pushed through mine
letting me get a taste of him. He tasted sweet, almost too sweet. His kisses
were addictive, shit, he was addictive. He lets go of me and moves back like
he had something on his mind. I could barely catch my breath as I sit there
with my eyes closed waiting for him to return, but he doesn’t. I quickly open
my eyes when I see him in front of me smiling. Damn he was so cute. “I’ve
wanted to do that since I first seen you. Something about you, Amelia…
something about you makes me crazy.” “I’ve wanted to do the same.”
Showing a shy smile I look in the other direction trying to keep myself
together. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before. It was a good feel. A
happy feel. He made me happy. “I have a question.” “I might have an answer.”
His smartass mouth made me laugh. “My sister’s graduation is Friday and my
family will be there… would you like to come with me?” I ask trying not to
sound desperate. “Of course. Anything Amelia, anything for you.”



Chapter Sixteen


The next day goes by with work, work and more work. Oh, and let’s not
forget about working with Alex, who happens to tell me about his love life,
then bitches about a certain customer being- what did he call them? Right, a
dumbass. “Now Alex, that’s not how we talk to customers… watch your
attitude.” I laugh, mocking him for yesterday. “That only applied to you
honey, not me.” Lord, what was I going to do with him? “What can I get you
sir?” He asked the guy as he was taking a seat on the bar stool. I noticed as
I’m standing in the corner that he might have a thing for the customer. I
couldn’t stop laughing and Alex wouldn’t stop checking him out. “Surprise
me.” He says short and sweet, but Alex didn’t like that. He stands there
looking at the guy like he was an idiot. “Ok then.” He says turning towards the
bottom counter grabbing him a drink then slams it in front of him on the
counter. “Smirnoff Red Vodka, 1125 ml for ya. That’ll be $58 please.” Alex
shows a bitchy smile, showing no remorse, he was dead serious. I couldn’t
believe what I saw as I’m still standing in the corner, it was hilarious. The guy
stands up, looks at him like he was insane, then walks away. Hell I thought he
was insane too. “Don’t say surprise me… I’m gunna give you something to
surprise you with.” I was choking on my own spit from laughing so damn
hard, I couldn’t breathe.
“Shouldn’t you two be working?” Someone says from across the counter,
making me jump, until I realized it was Nicholas. “What are you… my boss?”
“Yes.” He says sharply making me tuck my hair behind my ears. I couldn’t do
anything but bite my lip, he was so damn hot. “Are you sleeping with him?”
Alex says whispering in my ear. I quickly turn to him and reply back. “What?
No!” Did he really just ask me that? “Mmmm, maybe not yet… you mean.”
“Go away.” I tell him pushing him in the other direction. Looking back at
Nicholas slowly trying to take what he just said out my head, I wanted to
compliment him on his singing. He was amazing. “Uhm, I never told you how
awesome you were singing last night, we got a little… distracted.” I say trying
hard not to bite my bottom lip. He laughs as he takes a sip from his beer Alex
hands him. “Thank you, and yeah we did… didn’t we?” I felt warm again as
my cheeks felt like they were on fire, shit… the things he did to me. “Chris
Stapleton, huh?” He looks up from his beer, as if he couldn’t believe I knew
who he was. “Whatchu know about Chris Stapleton?” “What, you think I was
born under a rock?” He laughs. “Well, no, but you don’t seem the country
type.” “Hey, I know more about country than you think.” I say with my hands
on my hips, getting defensive, and of course he laughs at me one more time.
“You seem like you know a whole lot about us country boys too.” I quickly
roll my eyes in embarrassment. He was referring to himself which didn’t
surprise me. “Well, maybe you can sing for me one day?” “Yeah, maybe.” He
smiles.
“Nicholas?” An older man calls from behind him. He looked familiar, like
I’ve seen him in a picture of something. Then it hit me, he had dark hair and
the same brown eyes as Nicholas, it was his father. He turns around slowly
from the bar; he knew exactly who it was just by hearing his voice. I’ve never
seen him so nervous before. “You look good son.” “Thanks, I can finally say
the same about you.” He says to him very short, you could tell he wanted to
get to the point of this conversation. “I just wanted to see you. Your mother
said I’d find you here.” “You talked to mom?” “Well, yeah. She is my wife.”
“Ex wife.” Nicholas corrects him. “Right, ex wife.” His dad replied with his
head down, and for some reason I felt sorry for him, he looked sad and
helpless. “I’ve been sober for almost 7 months now, I know it’s not a long
time, but for me... it is. I’m trying to do right and be a better dad. I just wanted
to see you.” I tried hard not to be nosy, but the pain in his dad’s voice kept me
on edge. I could see how hard it was for Nicholas, he was guarded like me.
“Well, you’re too late.” He says standing up from his seat. “I’ve spent the last
26 years dealing with an alcoholic father… I can’t do it anymore. You look
good, but you always do this and I’m tired of doing this.” Once his dad heard
those words come out of his mouth he just froze, as if he couldn’t believe what
he just heard. He simply nodded, turned around, and quickly head for the door.
Standing there, Nicholas sees his broken and upsetting past walk out the door,
maybe it was forever, for all he knew, but that’s what he wanted… him gone.
He then turns around to see me, not really sure what to say, maybe he didn’t
even really want me to see his dad. “You okay?” I ask as I lean against the
counter across from him. “Yeah, it’s just been about a year since I’ve seen
him. He got mad over I don’t even know what, but he tried to hurt my mother.
I seen him just punch this living shit out of her and I just lost it. Next thing I
knew, I was on top of him, it was like I blacked out. No man should ever lay
their hands on a woman.” I felt a lump in my throat, now I know why he
reacted the way he did that night here in the bar, he grew up trying to protect
his mother, seeing her get hit was like a trigger he couldn’t help or explain. I
also felt proud, proud of this man standing in front of me, he had a good heart,
a heart I might end up loving. Reaching up over the counter I grab his hands
and smile, he needed to know how special he was. “Your mother is very proud
to have a son like you.” His thumb plays with mine as he looks up to see me.
Gosh, I could get lost in those eyes. “Thank you.” He whispers then slowly
leans in to meet my lips. He mouth was warm and this time he tasted like
peppermint. I tried to hard not to reach up and grab those curls of his. I needed
to control myself.
“Yeah, baby.” Alex calls from behind me. He was trying to be funny and I
couldn’t help but laugh in Nicholas’s mouth. “Sorry.” I mouth as we open our
eyes. He shakes his head while he laughs with me. “I’ll meet you at Georgia
State tomorrow?” I nod. “Yep, and thank you again for coming with me… for
being there.” He winks then turns to make his way through the crowd. Guess
that was my cue to get back to work, even though my mind was somewhere
else. Just thinking about tomorrow had my blood pressure boiling. I was not
looking forward to tomorrow, but I’d put a smile on my face for Brye, she
deserved it.



Chapter Seventeen


“Graduation day! Graduation day! I’m free at last! Woohoo.” I hear Brye
scream from the living room as she wakes me up. Slowly opening my eyes, I
check the alarm clock beside my bed and I read 9 a.m. What the hell Brye? We
don’t even have to be there until 1. I make my way towards the living room to
see my sister dancing in her pj’s , listening to Ludacris as he plays through our
stereo system. ‘Move bitch, get out tha way, it’s graduation day, bitch get out
tha way’. Standing up against the wall with my arms crossed I see her shaking
her ass, jumping up and down, almost falling over from dancing so hard, I lost
it. Tears were rolling down my face from laughing so damn much, I couldn’t
breathe. “Amelia!!!” She hollers once she seen me in the corner laughing.
“Shut up.” “Hey, you woke me up, but don’t let me stop you.” I say throwing
my hands up. I was wide awake now, thanks to my sister, so I might as well
fix me something for breakfast.
Today was going to be a long one, I could feel it. Hours go by as B gets
ready; wanting me to fix her hair, after about 30 minutes I finally go in my
room to get ready as well. I wasn’t sure what to wear, but B had to get there an
hour early to be with her classmates, so I had to hurry. Looking out the
window I seen how beautiful it was, the sun was out with no cloud in sight as
it shined down on the trees as they were blowing with the wind. I decided to
wear my hair down, more mascara than what I usually wear, and a spaghetti
strap white dress, which was a little short just above my knees. Dresses really
aren’t my thing, but I wanted to do something different with myself, plus
Nicholas would be there, maybe I wanted to look nice… for him. Walking out
my bedroom I immediately freeze as I see him outside my door with his hands
in his pockets, leaning his back up against the wall. What the… “Ugh, how did
you… when did…” I was so confused, you could hear it in my voice as the
words wouldn’t come out, and also by the shocked look I had on my face.
“Your sister texted me to ride with ya’ll, she told me where ya’ll live. Hope
that’s okay.” Brye texted him? When did she get his number out of my phone?
“No, that’s fine, just wasn’t expecting you here.” I say looking down putting
my bangs behind my ear; I wasn’t too sure what to say really. He slowly walks
towards me making me lift up my eyes to meet his, my breathing changes
once again, I hated when he did this to me. “You look very beautiful.” He
whispers in my ear. “No one has ever told me that before.” Shyly I reply,
looking the other way, almost embarrassed. B has, but a guy… no, not even
Lance. “Seriously?” He scratches his head, almost confused, pissed really.
“You don’t know just how beautiful you are, do you?” Shaking my head
continuing to look down, I couldn’t believe the things he was telling me, they
were sweet, but hearing those words were hard for me to believe sometimes or
it could just be my hard headed self. Looking up I see him still staring at me,
go figure, but the way he kept moving his bottom lip had me standing funny
again. “Thank you.” I say, slowly leaning in to kiss him when Brye interrupts
us.
“Well, well.” She stops in the hallway with her arms crossed. I lick my lips
with frustration, shit I wanted to kiss him so bad. “Nice to see you again.” She
tells him smiling. “You too, you both look very lovely.” He says looking at
both of us. B was wearing a yellow strapless dress with heels; her light
brown/blondish hair was pulled up in a messy bun, which was very cute. She
could pull off anything. Me, on the other hand, my dark hair was so think I
could barely do anything with it. His compliments made us both blush, but he
should look in the mirror if he wants to see something good. He was wearing a
light blue button up shirt that was unbutton just a bit below his neck so I could
see his chest, and he had his wrangler jeans on with boots. Damn, he looked so
good; I don’t think he could ever look bad.
“Why thank you, Nicholas. I’m glad you could join us, on my special day.”
She giggles like a little kid, she was so dumb, but I was very proud of her.
Nicholas laughs making his way through the apartment, admiring everything.
Following, I see him pick up an old picture of my dad. He was fishing, holding
up a 22 pound bass, smiling. That was the last memory I had with my dad.
“This your Dad?” “Mhm, last memory I had with him, I was too scared to
even get close to it, so I just took the picture. I’d give anything to just touch
that fish now.” I tell him with a fake smile, I missed my dad so much. “You
look a lot like him.” “I got that a lot growing up, but you should see my
mom.” Oh shit. The thought of me seeing her, him see her. That strange
feeling in my stomach came again, I wanted to puke. “Okay, we need to leave
now. Come on, hurry up.” Brye shouts running through the house like a
maniac. I turn to Nicholas and roll my eyes; there was never a dull moment
with my sister. He then bites his bottom lip and smiles while reaching out for
my hand, goodness he drove me crazy.



Chapter Eighteen

Pulling up to Georgia State my anxiety kicked in. I wasn’t even the one
graduated to be nervous, I was only nervous to see my family. “You nervous
B?” I call from the back seat, sitting next to Nicholas. “Hell no. It’s been 4
years now, I’m so ready.” “I’m very proud of you sis.” She looks in her rear
view mirror to see me and smiles. “Aw, thanks Am.” Am… I loved when she
called me that. She’s called me that since I was like 2 years old. The three of
us make our way to the front of the building, there were people everywhere.
The college was huge with a million windows; I couldn’t get over the scenery,
it was beautiful. “Okay Amelia, I have to go get ready with my class. You and
Nicholas can go right there to the auditorium, I’ll see ya’ll later.” She says
pointing the way then wave’s bye.
Looking at him I quickly smile as we make our way through the auditorium
doors until I hear someone call my name from behind. It was my mother. Not
wanting to turn around I had no choice, but to do just that. I could see
Nicholas staring at me in the corner of my eye, he knew something was
wrong. “Amelia.” My mother says walking towards me with my grandmother.
Great. “Mom, Grandma.” I nod, barely speaking, showing no concern. “Well,
you look… nice.” She continues looking at me up and down, she was such a
liar. I couldn’t help but stare at what my mother was wearing, what was she
thinking? She was dressed in an awful fuchsia colored long dress right above
her feet with a huge ass ‘tea party’ hat. Though, my grandmother didn’t look
too bad at all as she stood there with dress pants and a nice top. Wow.
“And who might you be dear?” oh no, my mother was talking to Nicholas. I
just wanted her to go away. “Her boyfriend.” He says very calm, reaching
down to grab my hand. Boyfriend? I didn’t look at him; all I could do was
stand there and just stare at my mother. “Boyfriend, huh?” I could tell by their
faces that they were surprised, trust me I was too. “You didn’t tell me you had
a boyfriend.” “Yeah, I don’t tell you a lot of things.” Shaking her head I knew
she wanted to slap me again. “Alright, alright. So, boyfriend do you have a
name?” My grandmother asks stepping in. “Yes ma’am, Nicholas James.”
“Nicholas, nice. You have manners. Amelia, take notes.” She says making eye
contact with me. I squeezed his hand with anger trying to control myself. “No,
I should be taking notes from her. I think she’s great.” He says looking over at
me. I appreciated him saying that and taking up for me, but he was just
picking his battles with her. With both of them. “Ha, that makes one of us.
Come Ashley, it’s time to find our seats.” My grandmother says to my mom as
she holds on to her arm, they both slowly make their way to the front entrance
when I could finally breathe.
“I’m so sorry.” I apologize to him, it was the only thing I could think to do.
“This is why I needed you here today. They hate me so much because of the
past; everything is my fault… in their eyes.” “Don’t apologize.” He says
grabbing my face to meet his. Tears started to burn my eyes again, trying to
look the other way but he wouldn’t let me. “I see why you need me, and I’m
okay with that. Let me be okay with that. Don’t you worry about me okay? I
want to be here with you… for you.” His words were like a tug on my heart
that made my head spin. Reaching up to hold his face, I kiss him. I needed to
kiss him. His kisses, that kiss, made this whole day better. “I could do this all
day, but we really do need to go inside.” I smile wiping his top lip. “You’re
right.” He nods. “Right behind ya.” He says reaching his hand out for me to
grab, this time letting me lead the way.
The ceremony lasted about an hour and a half. I wasn’t sure where my
mom and grandmother went, but I didn’t care. Sitting beside Nicholas and
only Nicholas was perfect for me. As they call each student they finally call
my sister, she was so excited by the look on her face. She’s been waiting for
this moment for a long time now, since she was a little girl. I was so ecstatic
and proud of her as I screamed on the top of my lungs to cheer her on.
“Bryson Marie Morsen” they call as she walks across the stage to receive her
diploma. Laughing on the inside I couldn’t help it, the fact they used her first
name, she was going to kill them. She hated her name so much. Once the
ceremony was over everyone found their way outside celebrating, taking
pictures. “I want a picture of my girls.” My mom says pulling out her camera
from her purse, which surprised me, I thought she’d only want a picture of B.
We smile, and then we laugh and hug. I was honestly enjoying myself until I
see my grandmother staring me down. She was such a miserable person.
Walking slowly away from taking pictures, I just had to get away, so I made
my way towards Nicholas to stand by him. I was ready to leave.
“I’m so proud of you Brye, you’re going to do big things in life. I just know
it.” My mother says to her as she continues to take more pictures. I swallow
hard, hearing those words made me a little upset, because she use to say the
same thing to me growing up. “You ok?” He whispers in my ear. I quickly nod
not making eye contact with him, he knew something was wrong. He always
does. “You’re lying.” I shake my head. “Just ready to go.” I say looking up at
him. He could tell I was hurting, and he didn’t like that so much. “Thank you
for coming mom.” B says giving our mother a hug. “You too grandma.” She
waves her bye. “Ready?” Brye looks at me with a ‘let’s get the hell out of
here’ face. “Why so fast, I missed you… both of you.” She says looking at
both of us. “I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow mom. I need to apply at
schools and get my career started.”
“Okay.” She breathes, and then peeks over to look at me. “Can we talk now
Amelia?” My mom walks on over towards us. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
I say very cold. “Yes there is… and I would like to speak with you alone.” She
says looking directly at Nicholas. “No.” I reply holding onto his arm. “He
knows everything. Whatever you need to say, you can say in front of us.” She
looks confused as to what I actually meant by ‘everything’. “I wanted to
apologize for my actions at the funeral, it wasn’t right of me.” She stops
looking down like she was ashamed of herself, good she should be. Trying to
continue to speak my grandmother walks up, putting her 2 cents in. “What do
you mean… he knows everything?” Damn, she really knew how to make my
blood boil. I open my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. I froze,
went solid, I couldn’t move. “Well?” She repeats, almost getting into my face
when Nicholas jumps in.
“I know a lot more than you think.” He says taking the attention off me.
What was he doing? “I’ve only knows her for about a few weeks now, but I do
know that she has been through a lot. More than what a normal twenty-one
year old should go through. She has a family who doesn’t give 2 shits about
her and they don’t even believe what he uncle did to her. The only ones who
were there for her was her Dad, Brye… and now me.” He stops to look at me
and holds my hand close to his chest. “I think she’s an amazing girl who
deserves much better.” I could see the annoyance in my grandma’s eyes, but
my mom, she just stood there looking lost and helpess, not saying anything.
We lock hands then walk past them making out way to B’s car. My heart
felt so full, I couldn’t believe what he did for me. The smile on my face
wouldn’t leave and I believe this was when my world was looking up. I think I
just fell in love with Nicholas James.



Chapter Nineteen


“Well, that was awesome Nicholas.” Brye tells him as we pull up to our
apartment complex. “Nobody has ever stood up for her like that, besides me of
course.” She laughs. “I’m just glad she has you.” He replies back as we park
and get out of the car. “I’m taking a nap, ya’ll have fun.” She says yawning
walking up the stairs. She was exhausted from today, I could tell, so was I. “I
do want to thank you again for earlier. It meant a lot to me.” I say crossing my
arms, leaning my back against the car. “I meant every word I said, I do think
you’re amazing. You’re kind, thoughtful; never think about yourself first,
caring, loving, passionate…” He stops to tuck the hair behind my ear. His
touch always made me shiver down my spine, my heart rate increased as he
slowly get closer to me, making out breathing loud as we could hear every
heart beat.
“I don’t know what it is about you, but I’m so glad you walked into my bar
that night.” He breathes, leaning in, just inches away from our lips to meet, he
looks up at me and then down at my lips. The anticipation was killing me. I
could barely keep still. The way he looked at me though, it wasn’t just any
regular look, it was like he saw me… for me, not for my struggles. Finally, our
mouths find each other, slowly kissing like we didn’t want to stop. His tongue
finds mine again, which I loved. He tasted so good. He grabs my waist
pressing our bodies against each other. Boy, I knew I was in trouble when I
first seen him. He breaks away to rest his forehead on mine, closing his eyes
like he didn’t want this moment to end. “Come to my bar tonight, will you? I
know you’re not scheduled to work, but I have a surprise for you.” As if I
wasn’t nervous to begin with… a surprise for me? “Okay.” I say smiling. “Call
you later.” He says walking away towards his truck. I stand there watching
him drive off… Whatever this surprise was, I was excited, but what to wear?
Hours go by until I realize it was around eight before Nicholas called me. I
quickly get ready and decide to wear these ripped skinny jeans of mine, I
haven’t worn since high school, with a white V neck top. Shoes weren’t a
problem for me as I grab my converses and headed for the door. ‘ I have a
surprise for you ‘ What Nicholas says plays in my head over and over again.
What could I be? What was he up to? I get there maybe 10-15 minutes and the
first thing I noticed were no vehicles in the parking lot. What the hell? Was he
closed today? He usually stays open until about 12 everyday, except Sundays
and Mondays. Getting out of my car, I make my way towards the front door,
slowly opening to a pitch black building, only a few lights were on. I then get
shined on by a bright ass light, trying to see when I barely seen someone on
standing up on the stage… it was him.
He was dressed casual again, which I loved, he was in a plain white t-shirt
like me actually, weird, wearing jeans also with a baseball cap. Yum. “Sorry.”
He says through the mic laughing. “It’s okay.” I yell, walking to the stage to
meet him. “You closed tonight?” “Yes, I’ve been closed all day. I wanted it to
be just us.” My heart skips a beat again. “Oh?” He reaches behind him to grab
his guitar. “I wanted to sing again, but this time for you… just you.” He tells
me smiling, and then points to a chair for me to take a seat in. He was going to
sing for me, but this time alone, just us two. This was the sweetest thing ever.
Sitting down I realize what song he was fixing to sing as soon as he started to
play his guitar. Elvis Presley.

“Wise men say only fools rush in
but I cant help falling in love with you

Shall I stay
would it be a sin
if I can’t help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
darling so it goes
some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life too
for I can’t help falling in love with you”


Next, were at the bar taking shots, laughing and cutting up, talking about
our fears and goals in life. “How can you be afraid of lizards?” He says wiping
the vodka from his lips with the back of his hand. “Because, they remind me
of little tiny snakes with legs, they freak me out.” I shake my head with
embarrassment. I’ve always hated those things growing up. “What about you,
huh?” I say watching him laugh at me. I wasn’t the only one afraid of
something. “What are you afraid of?” He slowly looks up his drink. “You
really wanna know?” “Yes.” I whisper. He turns in his seat towards me, sitting
up so I could hear him. “Love.” That one little word. He was scared of that out
of all things. I swallow, not really sure on what to say. “And, why are you
afraid of love?” I was scared to even ask. “Love makes you do crazy things.
I’m scared to get my heart broken. I’ve seen my mom hurt way too many
times, I don’t want that to happen to me. Maybe that’s why I try hard not to
get too close with anyone.” I swallow again, I felt hot again like I was burning
up. “Like you are with me?” The words fell out my mouth before I could even
think. “Especially you.”
“I need another shot.” I tell him as I jumped down from the bar stool and
walked behind the counter. Bending down to grab the vodka from the bottom
shelf, I sit back up setting it on the counter when I stop right where I’m at… I
could feel him behind me. His body heat drove me absolutely insane and I
could hear his breathing change, or was it mine? I feel him get closer, pressing
up against me. I then feel him plant little kisses along my neck and up my ear.
I felt instantly weak like I was going to pass out. My eyes rolled in the back of
my head, holding onto the bar for support. “Nicholas…” I whisper. I wanted
him to know how good he made me feel. He quickly spins me around, picking
me up, and sets me up on the counter. “Please don’t break my heart Amelia,
please don’t break me.” He looked lost, vulnerable, and so sexy. “Nicholas…”
Reaching up for his face to hold in my hands, I gently stroke the facial hair on
his cheeks. I could tell my touch had the same affect on him. “I would never
hurt you.” I continue. Those words were exactly what he was waiting on, what
he wanted to hear, as he kisses me hard, passionately, making me fall on my
back.
My hands find their way to his hat as I take it off to grab his hair. Those
curls again, they were my favorite. He sits me back up, picks me up, and
carries me upstairs to his house… throwing me on the bed and making love to
me is what I wanted ever since I first seen him. Sex with Lance didn’t nearly
compare to with what I had with Nicholas. I didn’t love him, sure I cared
about him, but Nicholas makes me feel so alive, he makes me a better person
and reminds me to always love myself. If only I waited for this man instead.
As the night went on we both laid there, curled up to one another. Right here is
where I was meant to be, this man is who I’m supposed to be with, this man is
exactly what I needed. I think I even loved him.



Chapter Twenty

The next few days went by with work, Nicholas, and more Nicholas. He
was addictive; I couldn’t control myself when I was with him. Before I knew
it, it was Tuesday, which was my counseling/therapy class. Surprisingly I
missed it. I missed Sam and Lauren, even Mr. Thiels, well Base. The night
goes by and I’m back sitting around Base, next to Nicholas with Lauren and
Sam across from us. I knew today would be about me this time, I was nervous,
but I knew I’d be okay. “Good to see everyone.” Base tells us as he takes his
seat. “I believe it’s your turn now miss Morsen. Please begin when you are
ready.” Taking a deep breath I feel Nicholas putting his hand on mine showing
support. I was so happy he was here. “Uh, yeah. Well, I’ve dealt with a family
who was never there for me growing up, besides my sis and Dad. I told him
the problems I was going through at the time, especially my mother, but she
wouldn’t listen. She called me a liar while my grandmother said I would be a
failure to this family and that I should just keep my mouth shut. So I did just
that. For years.” I say holding onto his hand still, my legs started shaking, my
face felt like it was on fire.
“What happened?” Sam says looking very concerned. I noticed he wasn’t
wearing lipstick anymore, and Lauren looked very healthy this time. She
didn’t look sick or bothered, she looked great. “Amelia..” Base says making
me jump as I wasn’t paying attention. “Whatever it is, we’re here for you. This
is why you’re in this class, we’re here for each other.” I smiled looking at him
and the others, they all were smiling and nodding showing that they cared.
“My uncle, he would mess with me a lot when I was little. I was around 7
when it first happened. He would come in my room, tell me how pretty I was,
and that I deserved to be touched. I had nightmare’s almost every day since I
moved here from my hometown in Tennessee. I couldn’t eat, I was suicidal at
one point, and on top of all this mess my own mother made me go to this
fucking funeral, just seeing him one last time, thinking of everything he did to
me.” I looked down trying to hold my tears back, but I had no control of them
anymore. I quickly wipe the tear from my cheek, then look up slowly to see
Lauren crying with me. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Your own
uncle.” I simply nod, agreeing with her. She was right, my own uncle. “You
need to know that you’re not the only person in this cruel world we live in
going through that alone. At least 3 million children are molested before they
turn 13. It also happens a lot in families. Some children will never tell,
because they feel ashamed or they are protecting their abuser, because he or
she is a part of their family. Children also protect members of their family, to
save them from the pain of knowing. You don’t want to blame yourself for
ruining your family, but you didn’t ruin anything. He did Amelia. You must
know that. It’s not okay what he did to you, but you can move on from this.
The past makes you the person you are today.”
I never really thought of it like that. I was the victim. I didn’t commit this
crime, he did. I’ve learned so much from this class, I’m so glad B made me
come here. I knew molestation happened a lot, but learning that I wasn’t the
only one dealing with so much pain, made me a feel a whole lot better about
myself. “Thank you. All of you.” I tell them smiling as I continue to wipe my
face. “I needed this. I was in such a bad place in my life, but I’m so glad I got
to meet each one of you.” I squeeze his hand, letting him know I definitely
meant him too. Before it was Nicholas’s turn to talk about his past a phone
rings out of nowhere, until we realize it was his as he pulls out his phone from
his pocket. I could tell something was wrong when I seen the look on his face.
It was as if everything pure and great in his world got taken away. He doesn’t
say a word, he barely looks away from his phone in his hands…. He then
jumps up from his seat and storms out of the building. I sit there confused as
to what just happened, we all do. The class goes by an hour before we leave
and I couldn’t concentrate on anything, but him. I needed to know he was
okay.
Pulling up to Emotions as fast as I could, I quickly got out of my car and
ran for the door. Making my way to the bar I find Alex, “You okay?” He says
holding two beers. “Where’s Nicholas?” I ask him trying to catch my breath
from running. “I’m not sure, I just got here. What’s wrong?” I don’t answer
him, I hope he didn’t think I was being rude, but I had to find him. I run to the
back door, go up the steps when I stop as I heard someone crying. Walking up
slowly I seen him against the wall in his kitchen… knees curled up to his chin
with his face hiding in his hands. My heart instantly broke as I stand there
watching him cry. I walk on over to him, bending down to sit beside him.
What could possibly be wrong? “Hey…” I whisper as I touched his arm.
“What happened?” He lifted his head up, wipes his face, and then opens his
eyes to see me. His face was so red and puffy, eyes were swollen as if he’s
been crying for hours now. “My Dad… he died.” Oh no. My eyes got big once
he tells me what happened; my mouth opens in pure shock before I quickly
close it with my hands. I couldn’t believe what he just said.
“I’m so sorry Nicholas.” “Don’t be. This is all my fault. All he wanted was
a relationship with me, and I blew him off. Then he gets killed in a car wreck.
How could I have been so hateful?” He screams as he punches the wall.
Sitting there right beside him, watching him fall apart, I’ve never seen this
side of him before. He was upset… his heart was broken. “Look at me.” I tell
him reaching up to grab his face as he tries to move away from me. “Look at
me damnit.” The tone in my voice changed making him stop and listen to what
I had to say. “I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way with my Dad, I
didn’t get to tell him how much I loved him. Please don’t hate yourself for this
for the rest of your life… we can get through this together. Let me be here for
you this time.” The pain was all in his eyes, he was hurting… I wish there was
something I could do to take his pain away, but there wasn’t. I felt so sorry and
helpless as I sat there next to him. He couldn’t breathe from crying so much.
“I’m here okay… I’m right here.” I tell him trying to wipe the tear from his
face when he screams back at me. “JUST LEAVEEEE.” Sitting there, I wasn’t
too sure what to say, his face changed as if he hated the world right now.. as if
he hated me. But, I wasn’t backing down. He would hear just how much he
meant to me and that I wasn’t leaving. “I’m not going anywhere.” I tell him,
just like the day he told me the same thing. “I love you.” The words came
flying out. He needed to know just how much I loved him. “I love you so
much Nicholas. You’re the only guy to ever make me feel worth of something,
worth of living again. Meeting you… you changed my life.” I stop as the tears
started rolling down my face, but I didn’t care. “I’m never leaving you.”
Telling him how I felt made me feel better, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. He
wasn’t too sure on what to say, he gets quiet, just staring in my eyes. “I love
you too, baby.”



Chapter Twenty One

Friday came, which meant it was time for his dad’s funeral. Getting ready
for my second funeral this year isn’t what I planned on doing, but life doesn’t
always go as planned. I wore the same thing I did at my uncle’s ceremony. A
simple black dress with black heels, even though I hated heels. Walking into
his bedroom I see him put on a long sleeve button up shirt, looking absolutely
handsome. He stops fixing his shirt when he sees me through the mirror as I
walk in. He admires me, looking up and down. I wondered what he was
thinking. “What is it?” You could hear the concern in my voice. Did I look
okay? “You are so beautiful.” He says turning around to face me. The lump in
my throat came back, he was so damn sweet. “Thank you.” I tell him giving
him a quick hug. I was so lucky to have him. “How are you feeling?” I ask
looking up to see him. “A lot better, today’s going to be hard, but I’m glad you
will be there with me. Thank you, for the other day, thank you for not leaving
me… I’m sorry I yelled at you.. I was just..” “I know. You don’t have to
explain.” I stop him with my finger on his lips, and then gave him a soft kiss.

We pull up to Murray Brothers Funeral home an hour later; I could see how
nervous Nicholas was as I stop to hold his hand. I notice a lady meeting us
outside by the front door. She looked in her late 40’s, maybe early 50’s. She
had short blonde hair and was wearing a lovely black dress like mine, except it
was longer to her feet. “Amelia, this is my mother.” He stops to introduce us.
Wow, this mother, she was very pretty. “Hello, ma’am. It’s very nice to meet
you.” I tell her as I shake her hand. “You too Amelia, please call me Amy.”
She says with a soft smile. “You look lovely son. How are you doing?” “So do
you mom, and I’m okay.” You could hear it in his voice, he did not sound
okay.
We make our way inside and down the hall to find his room. There weren’t
many people here, besides us, and the rest of his family. Nicholas introduces
me to his Aunt Helen, father’s sister, then his grandparents. As the minutes go
by it was our turn to walk up to see his dad. He had a huge cut on his neck,
which made it hard for Nicholas to look at, but he kept himself together. His
mom joins us while she tells us his cut was from the glass on his windshield
that shattered. I felt sick to my stomach. “Was he…?” He tries to speak when
his mom stops him. She knew where he was going. “No son, he wasn’t drunk.
There was no alcohol in his system the doctors said.” I saw a sign of relief
when he hears her tell him that. One thing he didn’t want to hear was his dad
drinking and driving. A few minutes go by as everyone says their goodbye’s
when Nicholas walks up front to make a speech. I didn’t know he had this
arranged.
He takes out a piece of paper from his pocket, then begins reading. “My
father and I didn’t have the best relationship. Growing up I’ve seen sides of
him that I wish I didn’t see. There were days that I hated him, hated coming
home, but then some days I liked him… just for being nice to me for once.
Was he a good dad? No… but he was my dad regardless and even though he
hurt me and my mother many, many times, I still loved him and I always will.
I just wish I could have told him sooner.” He stops reading as he looks up
from the piece of paper, seeing everyone’s eyes looking at him, nodding in
acceptance. They understood. “If it wasn’t for this wonderful young lady I
have in my life right now, I don’t know where I’d be.” Looking at me, I look
back, not smiling, just understanding each other. Understanding how much we
needed one another. His mother was sitting next to me crying, I could tell it
was hard listening to that and bringing up the past. I reach over to her and grab
her hand as she squeezes mine and smiles. After we laid his dad to rest, we
walk on over by his mom to tell her goodbye. She gives me a huge hug,
thanking me for looking after her son. “I love you Nicholas. I’m so proud of
the man you’ve become, of the man I raised. Your dad is very proud of you
too.” She says holding onto his face. “Thank you, that means a lot.” We both
watch her leave as she walks to her car, waving us goodbye. “I like her. She’s
nice.” I say turning towards him. “She likes you too, but not more than I do.”
He says locking his hands with mine. “What am I gunna do with you Nicholas
James?” He rubs his thumb on mine as he slowly looks up, and brushes the
hair off my face. Something was on his mind, I could tell. “Marry me, Amelia
Morsen.” The words fell off his lips as he bent down to kiss mine.



Chapter Twenty Two


20 Years Later

“Come on, son. You’re going to be late!!” Nicholas says standing at the
bottom of the stairs. He then looks at, shaking his head in amusement. “He
must get that from you… procrastination.” I smack him against his arm. “He’s
trying to look good for the ladies… he must get that from you.” I say as we
both laugh together. “But seriously, hurry up. We need to leave. Like now.” I
yell. “Alright mom.” He says walking down the stairs in his cap and gown.
“Oh my goodness. I think I’m going to cry. Coleston James, you look so
handsome.” Reaching up to pinch his cheeks, he moves my hands away, that’s
one thing my son always hated. “No crying, you promised.” Coleston says
pointing, scolding me like I’m an animal. “Okay okay, fine. Let’s go.”


The auditorium was full of people here at North Atlanta High School. As
Nicholas and I try to find our seats I seen my sister wave us down. I haven’t
seen her in maybe 5 years now, since she moved back to Franklin. “Brye!!!!” I
say giving her a big hug. I’ve missed her so much. “How’s life?” “Life is
good. Husband is good and being a chemistry teacher is great.” She says
smiling, then hugs Nicholas. A few minutes go by as everyone makes their
way to their seats. Nicholas’s mom finally shows up taking a seat beside us,
me and her have gotten very close over the years, since she’s like a mother to
me now. “I can’t believe my nephew is graduating high school.” B says.
“Don’t remind her or she’ll start crying.” He jokes as we all take our seats.
“You nervous to go up there?” He whispers in my ear. “A little.” I say as the
principal walks on stage.
After he’s done giving out diploma’s and scholarships, which our son got,
and I was so proud, the principal then invites me up on stage… in front of
everyone. “A lot of students this year took a survey for a senior project on
sexual harassment, sexual abuse, rape… and we were really shocked at the
results we got, which remained anonymous, but you wouldn’t believe some of
the answers we received. Today I wanted to invite a fellow student’s mother
up here to tell us her story. Would you please welcome Coleston Taylor
James’s mother, Mrs. Amelia James.” Taylor, we named him after my father
and it also happened to be Nicholas’s dad’s middle name as well. Apart of
them lived in our son. The crowd claps for me as I walk on stage. I was
literally shaking; I thought I was going to pass out. Talking in front of
hundreds of people wasn’t my thing, but when Coleston asked me to speak on
this topic, I had to do it. I had to do it for him and everyone else.
Standing up on stage in front of everyone was hard for me to even speak
through the mic, but then in the crowd I seen Nicholas blowing me a kiss and
mouths ‘you can do this’… made me think of my dad. I finally found my
voice. “Years ago I took a therapy class with three others, we were all going
through our own issues at the time and our teacher helped us overcome them,
and try to move on from the past. Mine was dealing with nightmares on
certain occasions that happened. A family member hurt me; he took advantage
of me, my young pure, innocent self. One day, I couldn’t be afraid anymore, I
was not going to let him keep doing this to me, so I told my own mother… and
my own mother, didn’t believe me. My own grandmother called me horrible
names like attention whore and a slut… sucks huh? I know, it did. Tell that to
a 9 year old, that’s how old I was at the time. He was messing with me for 2
whole years until I said something, but that didn’t stop him. He would still
come in my room like it was nothing. Still, to this day my mother and I don’t
speak, but that’s okay. I did my part as a child, she didn’t do her part as a
mother. So, I had to run away, run and move in with my sister. My school
found out, got called horrible names their also, my friends couldn’t look at me,
and my current boyfriend at the time thought I was disgusting since I ‘let him’
touch me. It’s still a touchy subject for me, but now I’m married. The guy I’m
married to today was in the same class with me… he helped me with my
struggles and I helped him with his also. He picked up the broken pieces that
were in my life and put them back together. He showed me what love was,
told me I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself, because it wasn’t my fault… it
never was. I was nervous to come up here today, but now I’m not. We don’t
get to openly talk about things like this. Molestation happens to almost 3
million kids before they turn 13, that’s what my teacher told me. I want to tell
you students that if you’ve been hurt like me, touched inappropriately,
harassed, raped…. do not be afraid and don’t hate yourself for the rest of your
life. Forgive and forget. I’m not saying to forgive your abuser, I’m saying to
forgive that part of your life that is always in the back of your mind… every…
single… day. It brought out the person you have grown to be, the person you
are today. You can move from this and look past it. I know, I have. It’s not
okay what disgusting human beings can do to us, but don’t be scared. Tell
someone, and parents listen to your children. I’m so protective of my son now,
because of what I went through. We’re all beautiful inside and out the way we
are. The way we were born. Believe that. I’m Amelia Morsen James, and I
was sexually molested by my uncle, but I WON’T let that define me!”

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About the Author

I’ve wanted to write a book like this for a long time now. This book had a
lot of similarities with my own life as well. I was also sexually molested by a
relative when I was younger. Not every detail in the book is the same as mine,
but the hurt and pain the main character was receiving is how I also felt. I
wanted to write this book to let others know about molestation. You are not
alone!!! I want to help others move on from their past, let others know
everything will be okay. I’ve learned from it, dealt with it, for many many
years, but like my book says ‘it made us the person we are today’, and I think
we’re all pretty damn great. Forgive & Forget is mainly about forgiving your
past, not forgiving your abuser, but forgiving a part of your life that was never
your fault to begin with. Forgetting will be hard, I deal with it every day, but I
try putting that part of my life away so I can be the person I’ve always wanted
to be. I was molested, but like Amelia said ‘it will never define me.’

- Jordan Savior Meche