Ian Pancho - Revision Matrix

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I made How this change
WP submission: question I received to what I initially impacts my paper:
(Note which WP) (from wrote:
whom/where?)

WP2: Rachel: Expand on Communication is the This global change

Communication is the the relationship spread of ideas from added more content
spread of ideas from between psychology one entity to another to my paper and
one entity to another and communication. through messages, elaborated on the
through messages, visuals, or sound. One connection between
visuals, or sound. can clearly notice the psychology and
These disciplines are interconnected nature communication. It
layered with different between these two provides substance
levels of complexity because the to the topic and
for scholars to communication of contextualizes it for
analyze, which ideas can affect human the reader to grasp.
ultimately creates behavior in various
discourse ways. An instance of
communities. this is someone
communicating to their
friend that a chocolate
chip cookie tastes
better with a glass of
milk, thus prompting
the friend to try out
this theory for
themselves (ultimately
affecting their
behavior). Essentially,
psychology and
communication
possess a cookie-milk
relationship. These
disciplines are layered
with different levels of
complexity for
scholars to analyze,
which ultimately
creates discourse
communities.

WP2: In this essay, I Rachel: Rearrange In this essay, I will This local change
will discuss the your thesis to shorten discuss the intertwined involved me
intertwined the introduction and relationship between changing the
relationship between create a new psychology and placement of my
psychology and paragraph. communication, thesis. It was a part
communication, specifically marketing, of a lengthy
specifically while simultaneously introduction
marketing, while comparing their paragraph, so I
simultaneously respective discourse moved it and
comparing their communities’ way of followed it with a
respective discourse organizing and new paragraph at
communities’ way of expressing research. “Researchers mainly
organizing and Researchers mainly make up the
expressing research. make up the population…”
population of these This was an attempt
communities in order to make my original
to further society’s introduction shorter
understanding of and create a
psychology and transition between
communication. the revised
introduction and the
new paragraph

WP2: Both of my Rachel: Since this is a To provide an This surface level

articles present their topic sentence of a introduction, both of change transitions
claims in an abstract, new paragraph, add a my articles present between the
to provide an transition at the their claims via an previous paragraph
introduction. beginning. abstract, a brief and the new one in a
summary that includes coherent manner.
a generalized claim.

WP2: Chang, Lu, and Me: Change the Chang, Lu, and Yu’s This local change
Yu’s abstract states, citation style to abstract states, “This shows that I wanted
“This research something you are research investigates to change my
investigates how familiar with how persuasive citation style from
persuasive messages… can lead Chicago to MLA
messages… can lead internet users to click because I was more
internet users to click like and share familiar with MLA.
like and share messages in social I initially used
messages in social media marketing Chicago just to try it
media marketing activities” (Chang et out.
activities”^1 al. 777)
(footnote)

WP2: Ultimately, her Rachel: Elaborate on Ultimately, her This global change
representation of the “scientific-driven analysis of her shows that I added
psychology discourse theme” because this is psychological clarity to what a
community is vague. experiments causes her “scientific-driven
bolstered by her to draw conclusions theme” is by
analysis of her from her data, thus mentioning that
experiments — which showcasing a experiments were
showcase a scientific- scientific-driven theme conducted and
driven theme among among the psychology conclusions were
the community. discourse community. drawn from those
experiments.

WP3: Another was Rachel: Provide an Academic articles were This global change
that I did not know anecdote on your a new concept to me was to provide a
how to access them. experience with prior to my writing better context on my
finding academic class because there reflective essay. It
articles was not a way for me also showcases my
to easily find peer- experience with
reviewed articles academic articles
without any help. and how I grew my
However, when my interest for them.
writing class taught me
how to use the UCSB
Library Database, I
was exposed to
multiple discourse
communities and peer-
reviewed pieces.
Eventually, while
working on a project
builder for one of my
writing projects, I
found an article that
blended my majors,
Psychological and
Brain Sciences and
Communication, in a
perfect manner.

WP3: This article Rachel: Fix the Nenkov’s article This surface level
gave me insight on surface level details offered me insight into change polished up a
the fields of here; fix the the fields of sentence that was
psychology and grammar. psychology and near-perfect in my
communication while communication while opinion. I think this
simultaneously acting simultaneously acting sentence provides a
as a vessel for my as a vessel for my clean jumpstart for
intellectual curiosity intellectual curiosity the rest of the essay.
and career-orientated and career-orientated
goals toward goals toward
marketing. marketing.

WP3: My Rachel: Add Following from this I made this global

infographic’s purpose examples of realization, my change in order to
is to concisely relay infographics you infographic’s purpose showcase how I
Nenkov’s findings in found that shaped is to concisely relay understood the
order to make them your understanding of Nenkov’s findings in infographic genre
presentable in a the infographic genre. order to make them and use its
meeting. presentable in a conventions in my
meeting. I found genre translation.
examples of
infographics online to
give me a jumpstart on
how to create my
piece. These examples,
such as infographics
describing the
psychology of color or
how to engage in
effective content
marketing, exposed me
to the infographic
genre.

WP3: Furthermore, I Rachel: Add a better However, I couldn’t This local change
think it is vital to transition into this include a definition or shows a clean
mention that I was sentence. reference to every term transition into a
forced to leave out used in the paper. For setback I
the concept of high example, I was forced encountered when
and low level to leave out the creating my
identities from my concept of high- and infographic.
infographic. low-level identities
from my infographic.

WP3: Through the Rachel: This is The infographic can Taking out “through
collective efforts of passive voice — easily be utilized for the collective efforts
these conventions, the make sure to fix the persuasion in a of these
infographic can easily rearrangement! business meeting while conventions” and
be utilized for it simultaneously replacing it with
persuasion in a discusses the “the” shows that a
business meeting psychology of local change can
while it persuasion in simplify a sentence
simultaneously marketing messages. and relay the
discusses the infographic’s
psychology of purpose in a
persuasion in straightforward
marketing messages. manner.