A quick dream come true is somehow very much like a trick.

The boy was so often put in a corner that he was raised by spiders.

Nikita Dzhigurda's photo expels the weaker evil spirits from the house!

People who buy cigarettes by the piece do not know that Smoking kills.

The less you think, the more like-minded you are.

To whom Kaspersky is Elon Musk, to whom Baskov is John Lennon.

Never use the toilet in your sleep... This is a trap!

My wife and I go to the theater, and my wife and I go shopping.

God, why are there so few lazy fools?

Reading is the most enjoyable way to ignore life.

How would we be treated if it weren't for the Internet?

q

Dwarfs-giants almost do not stand out from the crowd.

It's better to be crazy about a woman than a natural fool.

Badger is a dog eatery.

As you know, we have two troubles. And one goes too fast on the other.

Who in childhood wetted manta rays, the coronavirus is not terrible.

The deal of the century: the savings Bank has bought themselves at our expense.

A contract is someone who steals dogs.

"What's the English word for 'search'?"

- That's google.

The elite are those who are at the trough.

Being an astronaut means working remotely.

q

The moral of the fairy tale "Kolobok" - you need to eat while it's hot!

Nikolai Valuev has eight charging holes in the Nokia.

A weather vane on the roof of Chuck Norris ' house shows where the wind is blowing.

Any tableware can be disposable, if you are rich enough.

If you buy 50 kg of rice, it will last for 4 years, if for free then for 2 years.

The first rule of the Cosmonaut club is not to tell anyone that the Earth is flat.

The only method of protest available to the slave is to do his work badly.

I don't have my own bath, and I don't care.

If the pessimist is happy, then he has stolen something.

It's a shame when the enema was already done, but the operation was postponed...

q
The wife of an auto instructor gives birth not prematurely, but in advance.

Winter will end in three menses.

You look like you're on a promotion.

The fight against dissent should begin with the prohibition of ellipsis...

Every parasite dreams of becoming a dependent.

Everyone who has graduated from the school of life is awarded a marble diploma.

The Antichrist came and turned the wine into water.

What happened was what everyone expected, but no one expected.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets...

I've learned to read other people's minds here. Nothing to read. I studied for nothing.

q
It is pointless to search for black boxes in the Black sea.

What kind of scum should I be to throw a person's number with a screenshot?

Information-fools, that oxygen for fire.

In Moscow, Lenin woke up because of the abnormal heat.

Disbelief in Santa Claus is childish atheism.

Russian roads are deeply affected by caries...

Fools pretend to be smart, and smart people make fools of themselves.

For the creators of T9 in hell there is a special goat

It's better to go skydiving than scuba diving.

"How was your day?"

- Irrevocably.

q
- I after all why before angry was. Because I'm still angry...

In the framework of import substitution and the French kiss will be replaced by Kostromskoy and
Adyghe.

The results of the year: eye twitches

The only thing creative about me is the crisis

As a child, my mother forbade me to associate with people like me.

My wife and I decided we didn't want to have children. We'll tell them about it tonight.

What is the inscription on the money "Ticket of the Bank of Russia"?

Are we going somewhere or flying?

A lie is most unpleasant when it is a verb.

The father had three sons: two smart, and the third bassist...

When Oleg dropped the bottle

he was not an invalid yet
q

Buzova sold her soul to the devil in exchange for talent, but the devil threw her

If the airline is called Pobeda, why do you fly there as a prisoner of war?

The door was knocked 40 times…

Was it a centipede?

In Jogging, the main thing is not to lose your joggers!

The inventor of T9 has died. His tombstone has the epitaph: "Rest with the MIME."

"I've always considered myself indecisive. But now I'm not so sure...

There are worms in the quiet vegan.

Black woman in 45-Baba-prunes again!

Vulgar people joke below the waist, gentlemen-above the knees.

I decided to reconsider my views. I liked everything again.

q

Tourists were intoxicated not so much by hikes as by halts.

A drunk friend decided to weigh himself. I don't have a robot vacuum cleaner anymore.

If society consists of 90% fools, then the remaining 10% are considered fools.

We don't celebrate Halloween. We live in it.

I'll go to the gym when they come up with running couches.

Humanity could consider itself free as long as the phones were tethered.

A stork that can't fly raises its own children.

Sensational!
The car mechanic's wife gave birth to a gear!

If learning is the way cheating is a cross - section of the path.

q
Honest people steal less.

It's hard to be humble if you're the best.

Before the ban on the balcony do not get stoned!

I'm not fighting for anyone's rights. I'm just so ugly.

Went on a photo hunt. Filled up three of the horizon.

Honey, you're not fat, you're just ready for winter.

The winner is the one who gets up one more time than he falls.

Every night you sit at home at the computer to meet your fate...

"Hello, are these women?" And make another Indian summer, please.

Do crabs think that fish can fly?

q
A plastic Cup is a weapon of the proletariat.

I really want to Wake up famous, but not before lunch

Subordinates in their boss did not smell the soul.

Guide for teenagers: how not to become the next husband of Alla Pugacheva.

I often voice answer vidocom where a word text typing.

Shampoo for "weakened and damaged" I apply all over myself.

Live as if your life depends on it.

Was modest to the point of disgrace. And after the outrage, he's modest again...

We ate a night of Kherson watermelon and found out why the city is so called.

The know-how of Russian television is a pre-recorded live broadcast.

q
The rats move off the ship by themselves.

Chemistry textbook-a dream book that explains Mendeleev's dreams.

If you get depressed, then you are a tributary of it.

The further away relatives are, the closer they are.

I'm so good in bed that I don't even want to Wake up.

She realized that the date didn't work out when he came with his wife...

The best thing that money can do is not to think about it all the time.

The smartest birds stay in warm places for the summer.

My parents put a lot of effort, time and effort into my upbringing.

On the mortgage, you buy one apartment for yourself, the second-the Bank.

q
The masochist in your life be happy.

The subscriber does not respond or is in the MegaFon network coverage area...

Good always wins over evil. Means who won - the and good.

Few people know that a hundred years ago, the history lesson was a little easier.

The apartment bill came in. I'm beginning to regret that the End of the World has not come!

Bowstring, you're overreacting.

It is somewhat surprising when people who drink moonshine are convinced of the harm of palm oil.

The main rule when meeting exes is to start pointing and laughing at the first one.

The pathologist has accumulated a lot of urgent bodies.

Fat makes you mad – it's when you're fat, and it makes you mad.

q
I don't have any enemies, so my wife hamsters my dinner.

"Call boys" are professionals for women on an Amateur basis.

I hate dentists since one of them killed Pushkin.

I don't pay taxes because it is not economically profitable

"I was very tired once, and now I can't get back to rest.

I didn't do a damn thing today, like I planned.

If he lived without meaning, he did not die in vain.

The mosquito net only keeps well-fed mosquitoes indoors.

Strange, but "I don't advise you..." — advice.

The ideal form of a dead end is a closed circle.

q
A Doberman is a kind person.

Diminutive forms are not my horse.

He was such a rare creature that he came to the ark alone.

Briefly about myself: sometimes I blink, I like to breathe.

According to VTSIOM, 75% of Russians have a bad without good.

The lion's share is most claimed by lionesses.

Even if the knowledge is distributed for free, you still need to come with your own container.

"If the blind wear dark glasses, why don't the deaf wear headphones?"

Boys look under their skirts, girls look in their wallets.

Masochist Andrey was bitten by a mosquito: a small thing, but nice.

q

The refrigerator is an introvert air conditioner.

- A lot of people are afraid of heights. And some, like me, are afraid of latitude.

Ivan as one of two generals removed...

The donor drove to the hospital with two transplants.

There are losers in the dope who didn't manage to take power.

For KAMAZ in traffic, a convertible is an ashtray.

Without a pond, you can't catch fish with difficulty.

Zombies eat brains. Many people are safe!

Americans think that hunger is when you eat canned food.

I'm going on my annual lamented vacation.

q

In Mongolia rapidly growing network of conidering.

There are 645 churches left until the New year!!!

Russian pop music will be ruined by oil workers with many children.

People are divided into owls and those who prevent them from sleeping....

What does advertising for non-alcoholic beer lead to? It leads to the store behind the real one.

The official who said "Here I am a moron" was jailed for disrespect to the authorities

The fish rotted from the head... If anything, I'm talking about the fish.

The next President of the Russian Federation is named-this is the daughter of Alsu

I'll give it all, but where can I get it?

You'll get to know me better soon... Sorry in advance!

q

All life is quantum mechanics, and you are a humanitarian in it.

People don't change, you just get to know them better.

Those who don't know their history are most proud of it.

Decided on the choice of a man, it remains only to breed.

I love may. May - it's like that Friday.

People rarely want to get married - more often they want to get married.

"Apple spas" - a workshop for fixing iPhones.

In Russia, everyone is free to say what they think!

Any disease is fatal if you Google it correctly.

What has risen before: the chicken or the egg?

q

In Russia, everything that is NOT done is for the best!

Why do I need "on the plane" mode in my phone for 5000 rubles?

Stop rocking the boat! It's time to drown!

In Vladivostok, traffic was blocked, he and Eun arrived!

Couriers are waiters with a very long range.

In 30 days it will be a month since I don't drink.

New toilet paper "Zeva". Now with the smell of the Trud newspaper!

A true patriot does not seek the benefits of selling his homeland.

Our man consists of three substances: the soul, the body, and the soul.

q
I watched the wedding video last night, but rewind it. I cried a lot when I saw how I took the ring off
her finger, left the registry Office and went somewhere far away...

The new education reform and its slogan "free to study - free to work!".

Modesty that adorns a person is called costume jewelry.

Wisdom is when you understand everything, but you are no longer upset.

Good people are needed to make bad people live even better.

Nutritionists earn their bread by teaching customers not to eat flour.

Remember - when you wash your feet, you wash your hands at the same time.

Oh and hot pepper, in the stew you do not want!

The American mole got a little carried away and became an Australian mole.

I, of course, am not an actor, but I gained 25 kg for shooting just in case.

Q
Scientists have found that the main reason for longevity is an incorrect birth certificate...

If your children are dancing at the pole, be glad that they are not in Church.

Spring... Wherever you step, it's all about money.

Your whole life was predetermined by a picture on your kindergarten locker

Well, what, we live once, or we think with our heads?

Most often, a real friend gives you a paw instead of a hand...

An optimist evaluates good anecdotes, a pessimist evaluates bad ones!

He wasn't an awkward person, just surrounded by unreliable things.

Russia has joined the sanctions against Russia.

Corrected to believe. Cosmetologist.

q
Family is talking to a person who is sitting in the toilet.

I bought a pistachio-colored jacket, and I can't unbutton it.

Yesterday, Facebook fell by 2 Yandex.

Choose a business that suits you, and you will never get a normal salary.

In a pub, you can even be silent with foam at the mouth.

The deeper a person sits in the shit, the higher they hold their head.

Skoda cars should be forgiven for minor offenses.

After all, making a petting zoo out of an apiary was not the best idea.

February 23 and March 8 are a cycle of 1000 rubles in nature.

What to cook if there are only iron bars and mayonnaise in the refrigerator?

q
I didn't make my first million.

I know my own price and now I'm on the stock.

Work from home? I don't even work from work.

The 1st year of Philology is a Muslim Paradise. 72 virgins.

I'll pay for you. Give me the money.

- Are you here to demand a salary or do you want to work with us again?

All German cuisine is sharpened under one sauce - beer.

I'm so skinny that when I go to the pond, the ducks throw me bread.

It is still good that the earth is flat - if it were round, the officials would hand over the earth's axis for
metal.

There are times when working for three people, you get paid for an internship.
Q

The need to constantly divide many cells has made them nervous.

On TV, they started advertising men's silicone implants for wallets.

q forty five
Comment

A yawn is a silent cry for coffee.

You can't make all the money because they're constantly being printed.

If there is a drinking yogurt, there must also be a technical one.

The faithful go to the left only for love.

Life is like a box of chocolates, and you have diabetes.

But now the Russians will dance better...

The year was 2036, and the stores were selling packages of half an egg.

To keep up with the trend, the Faberge Museum removed one exhibit from the exhibition.
q

If all people are brothers and sisters, it means that every day there is a worldwide incest.

The economic spurt was so powerful that one egg came off

If you are making children, and you do not succeed - log in under the admin.

The boy Vitya can't sleep, because he is afraid that his mother will wash him down the toilet like
sleeping fish.

But once, when there were no social networks, only the family knew that you were a fool.

"Citizen" is when horse dung smells like a circus to you.

If your daughter changed her gender, she's a daughter now.

In any sphere, I feel like a fish in water: shoal after shoal.

Residents of Kamchatka were the first to meet the VAT increase.

q
Guests are people who make it difficult to go home without underwear.

Semyon studied in such a bad school that his certificate was pinned on his back.

Idiots don't need to unite - this is already their planet.

My vision is still one hundred percent, but it's just a different distance now.

2018 first was like a stroke with the little finger on the leg of the bedside table.

"But when the deaf see you yawn, do they think you're yelling?"..

Yesterday, driving around a hole in the road, I stopped in another city.

As soon as a Russian person begins to understand something, he immediately gets drunk.

In the cell, a prisoner named "Raccoon" soon became "Baby Raccoon".

A girl who had had fish all her life cried when the dumplings came up.

q
Real life is what happens while your phone is charging.

I threw out the trash five times a day until I got the boomerang out of the bucket.

If you look through rose-colored glasses, the blood becomes invisible.

If it hurt to get fat , we'd all be crying around the clock!

I will go to any meanness to prove my decency

After installing the intercom, it turned out that one of their own was pissing in the entrance.

When there was a lot of defective and not high-quality products,then came up with marketing.

Oh, if I hadn't dropped out of school in 1990, I'd be in the 38th grade right now.

If there is a self-cleaning tablecloth, then there must be a self-cleaning toilet.

As music not sort, and folder "miscellaneous" create will have.

q
Sometimes you want to pretend to be a budget so that a rich MP will take you to the Maldives.

Taking care of the smartphone screen is simple: I licked it and rubbed it with my sleeve.

Sometimes I go to the library and whisper to people that movies are better.

You should not be afraid of aliens, but of people who have seen them.

Hearing on TV the phrase "bear with the Cossack-ataman will be" little Masha taught her doll the
phrase " bear with the goat, and then you will be a mother"

In response to criticism about her poor performance at school, Masha answered briefly: "all claims
against the manufacturer"

Fantastic creatures and why they don't turn on their turn signals.

A boy who looks very much like his mother goes to parent-teacher conferences on his own...

The main advantage of fools is numerical

The power of the Apocalypse is only four horsepower.

q

An Estonian dog barks at thieves when they are already in court.

One of the achievements of modern fashion underwear has become a top

Thanks To The Internet. He showed me that most people in the world are dumber than I am.

According to the news, only Ukraine is freezing in Russia.

As a result of a brilliant, victorious foreign policy, the ring of enemies has narrowed.

The Orthodox rocket should not fly higher than the bell tower.

Jealousy-the suspicion that you are cheating not only on you, but also on you.

- Do you like natural or instant coffee?

Nastya didn't have any enemies, so she made her own dinner.

If the enemy is invincible, you must find another enemy.

q

The homeland is where you live, and the state is how you live.

Don't store a duck, egg, and needle in the same hare!

At the world Cup of tea by the end, everyone just wrote with boiling water.

Yesterday was 151 years old, as Alaska was lucky.

Due to the length of the investigation of the crime, cognac from the evidence has become elite.

Chinese weightlifters don't have narrow eyes.

I never praise myself for nothing. I'm so good.

The worst type of unemployment is a non-working head

Dad insists Rowan on cognac. I call him father Abbot.

The vegan top will come and bite the zucchini.

q

The beauty of armpits is that they are always at hand.

Pen pals.

I will love my children no matter what. I don't want to work in my old age.
q

Financial condition: I learned to spread "thank you" on bread.

A Satanist is a believer who has defected to the opposition.

Somehow, my wife's phrase is alarming: "I put it on, go eat while it's hot."

Autumn is when you smoke and drink, but always in warm socks. Health should be protected.

Since you will not please everyone, we will limit ourselves to ourselves.

Inexperienced mushroom pickers often have dinner, but rarely Breakfast.

- Now you are already big, and you will not go to kindergarten, but to the adult forest.
q

Life hack: socks will last twice as long if you tear off one of your legs.

"Honey, your eyes are like a weekend, there are two of them, too.

Take care of your dress when you're young, and save it for your teeth when you're young.

They say there is no separate cauldron in hell for introverts

- Will you please lend me $ 100. In ten copies.

History is the only science that cannot be studied in official textbooks.

Statistically, you don't have to worry about what your first wife's mom looks like.

I don't like working before lunch, and I hate working after lunch.

I don't like audiobooks. My inner voice freaks out when he doesn't read the books to me.

q
A bad theorist is hindered by reality.

It is better in a small dugout than in a spacious Martian.

Properly organized government life in the country, this is when the population has no debts, no
money.

The most dangerous fishing is fishing for facts from the wife's past.

If my life was a song, it would be Russian rap.

The sooner you like it, the sooner you get out.

Mood-to leave after the second lesson. But I'm at work.

Not everyone reaches 30 without a mortgage, loans and children...

Drinking beer is a hidden desire to drink vodka.

The electorate was divided into two groups: "column number five" and "ward number six".

q
If you come home from work late and leave early, the apartment will always be clean.

The scales showed that the bone became 8 kg wider.

The only person you should compare yourself to is you in the past…

The most powerful organization in the world is morons, they have their own people everywhere.

In a cafe where napkins are divided into four parts, nothing good will be served, I think.

The most difficult thing in the morning is to endure 5 alarm clocks, and then sleep quietly on.

Damn, it's so cool that Russia has no visa with Moscow!

Mom, give me money for a new "I did it all on my own"tattoo.

"God, make me live like a fairy tale.".. Oh, my God, not this one!

Life is like a photograph: it's better when you smile.

q
I wear mint so I don't have to worry about turning off the iron.

An unprecedented Scam in Ryazan! Criminals under the guise of pliers was sold to the citizens of
pliers!

Have you noticed that supervillains want to change everything, and superheroes want to leave
everything as it is?

Some conversations I call " not worth taking out your headphones."

I'm adapting to global warming - I'm going bald...

I'm Libra by horoscope, so fat people hate me.

If everyone gives dinner to their enemy, no one will be left without dinner.

As my 80-year-old grandfather told me every day: "I'm afraid to become a bore When I get old."

As it turned out, the rain Zhiguli washes, and foreign cars-dirty!

People who hurt You always think That your social media posts are about them.
q

The Formula 1 driver came fifth to his wife on their wedding night.

I wonder what kind of drama happened to Gogol,that he decided on a penalty.

When you reach the ceiling, you begin to understand that someone's floor begins higher.

The more literate a person is, the more interesting it is to find out what he is still a fool.

I begin to suspect that love and more money I wanted INSINCERELY

Humanitarian-this is when it constantly seems that cheated with money.

Designers expelled from art school come up with patterns on linoleum.

At the international Congress of pessimists, they decided not to meet again.

Some games are more interesting to run on Linux than to play them

q
It would soon be cold enough to sit at home. And then you sit at home all summer and somehow
restless.

I often find myself wondering if I've seen the same pigeon twice.

In families of pavers, children are born with dimples on their cheeks.

You work like Papa Carlo, and you get paid like Pinocchio.

Katya saw in his amorous eyes that she could take everything from him.

Divorced-horns off your shoulders!

Unexpectedly found treasure disrupted the funeral...

The dog of Vasilieva and Serdyukov knows all the commands, except " Sit!»

Extreme vegans eat meat every day.

In a cannibal country, only vegetables survive.

q
Financial situation: Products without promotions immediately go to hell.

It's time to admit that a dream job is a lot of money and not work.

Many people have a cross on their neck and a zero in their heart.

The idea for a small seasonal business is to take out the Christmas tree anonymously.

Why take drugs after 30 years, when you can just stand up abruptly.

I treat jokes like men - I love them, but I don't remember any of them!

Here's the paradox-we live in the Outback, and constantly on the rocks…

Russia is when it's cheaper to drink than to eat.

Do you have statistics on how many people died because they said the last one, not the last one?

Semyon realized that he was lost when the Apostle Peter began to show him the way.

q
For the second week, Pinocchio sat facing South. He was growing a beard...

I want to buy something for mosquitoes, for example, a house in Iceland.

Girl, can we have Breakfast together?

"Come on!"
"Should I call you or Wake you up?"

Before electric stingrays, there were internal combustion stingrays.

My girlfriend has a very bad habit of living with me.

As I passed the captcha, I realized that I could hardly distinguish a storefront from a garage

How come a Parking space earns more per hour than I do?

It's a shame when you sprayed yourself with deodorant "Protection 24 hours", went out on the street,
and you immediately broke in.

"I tried to grow my own food once. But I didn't find any shish kebab seeds anywhere...

q
First rule of the media: it's Better to lie first than to tell the truth second.

I have tremendous willpower – I can stop working at any time.

Are you sure you don't want my opinion? It's just better than yours.

Why do all my girls pass on to me from someone else? Am I a level boss?

A new book "how to get a girl to give you a loan on the first date" has been published.

Stop putting up with it, let's put up with something else.

The Magadan biathlete immediately runs penalty circles, because he is not given a rifle because of a
criminal record.

Sign: if a person praises their neighbors, it means that they are going to sell the apartment.