ENT Factor Wiener Joe McElderry on music and makeovers WHY AMERICA’S GAY TEENS NEED TO KNOW LIFE GETS BETTEREXCLUSIVE X Factor winner Joe McEl ‘on music an UGLY BETTY VANESSA AND MICHAEL URIEONLIFE Somes ae ie Ss y Why buy Digital magazines? v Dynamic Content. State-of-the-art page turning technology, with page sliding and quick find functionality. v Value For Money. Cheaper to buy than the printed version in the shops. v Fast Delivery. No need to sean the shops and shelves to see where the newsagents have put your favourite magazine this month! v Socially responsible. No carbon, no trees, no fuels or chemicals were used in the creation of this digital magazineGT magazine is now available for iPad & iPhone Gay Times can be downloaded to your device easily as a subscription, single issues or back issues. For more details visit GAytiMES.CO.UK and click on GT iPad or search for Gay Times on the App Store. WW MagazineCloner msTHE GT FACTOR 87 ‘ ~s Ai First Features C © style a 12 itty atthe front 80 Sweetie, darling? 7 Eegontiale Q Ben Cohen Topless, Growl Another ex-Mods employee, Handme my leather ¢ DL FS 16 vanessa Williams Michael Urie, pops by GT Towers 88 London Fashion Week netamesti imeoe Lots andes of ver pleasant Siitrick orks Wo say hello tothe Ohmpics Clothes. (Andan interview) Lf sporting chap 42 Belesor Slotere 5 sereen 46 Joe WeEWdery Neighbours (nt tray interview. Whatever The Irepressibles. We're not 0 World AIDS Day worthy Sixnomal otng 4s ~ one proving that you never can DWC Sis Bachan has a right old gossip with GT How one man was cursed with dry cumming Travel 59 RGete Better 112 Canada What exactly f gong on with ‘Shout you se a bea our teenage gay brothers across screams head off n Vaushal” the pond? 116 Bruseette The pace to go for he best chips Regulars 21 Seott ts Hes abusy chap. Wiha website 20 Manhunt The pes of onine dating re aly wanted to wite "Penelope Pitstop" there) oo Fit Wank yourse heat. Speaking cof which, topless Gavin Henson Last 104Mr Sock A sock that answers yout problems {68Gay hall of fame Absolutely Fabulous, we salute (and stil quote) you yoContess Yean.Oh Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to break Up? ml ayes 0 uka BOLD... UNIQUE... FASHIONABLE... GLAMOROUS LIKE YOU ol MUR ce) eeINBOX ‘As World AIDS Day approaches, I've been wracking my brains for something new to write about HIV. While there is “news” ‘and developments every day, there is no dramatic breakthrough to report, no new message to trumpet. Of course, that makes it more important that we discuss the virus, that we think about it and that ‘each one of us commits ourselves to being part of the fight against it. In the 80s we all hoped for a silver bullet, a complete cure. We now realise that fight- Ing the virus in the human body is mas- sively complex and tackling the prejudice, stigma, confusion and misunderstanding that fuels It in soclety Is no more simple ‘What we do all know ~ you, me and the real ‘experts —is that each one of us can be HIV's ‘worst enemy or best friend, In this issue we preview GMFA's new campaign which asks all of us to make a few basic commitments; to test regularly to stay informed, to refute prejudice and stereotyping and to protect ‘ourselves. It's an approach that could make ‘a dramatic difference to fighting the spread of the virus. ‘Also in this issue we asked some positive ‘and negative guys to flash us some flesh and talk about HIV in thelr lives. Working with THT we wanted to highlight that positive people could lead otherwise healthy, full lives and that you couldn't tell someone’s status just by looking at them. Itwas no surprise that the issues they ralse In our short interviews are closely reflected in the GMFA strategy. We hope that their comments get us all talking and thinking In this month leading up to WAD ‘on 1 December. also hope you enjoy the rest of this December issue, from our interview with the charming and sexy Shayne Ward to our ‘workout which will help you get biceps just like his and all the rest. m Teery Gee has surgins pop degree mart tran simaditely 04 by Sexand pon thetact he asthe and 595 DvDeolctonct a immarealy.” Wl bvousy! EDITOR Scott aeyan a ceurery boy wh eevee igh eared Demag tate Onn scorT Sigs Ronen Eee LEE NAAT mpg) sytimes co.ukSubscribe and never miss Get 13 issues for only Only £3 a copy Delivery is free and discreet and your copy will arrive before it’s in the shops To subscribe visit www.gaytimes.co.uk/subscribe and quote GT387, call our subscriptions hotline on 0844 856 0637 or simply fill in the form below [1 YES | would tke to: .omecr cee DIRECT mpg)“ ° Cq BEES SOAR Con to So ao ec ae ee oa Lc ree ee ca LaOut inside Ive just read the article in Novem- bar's iesue, trom Simon Eddisbury’s book about being gay in prison, ‘Some wil say that the article dos not convey the atmosphere of prison, butitis an extract of a much larger book, which | am eure gives @ fuller picture. Gays do have to tread carefully inmost prisons, but! can ‘say that here in Whatton a pro-2c- tive attitude against homopho- bia is underway. Ive run a group called Real Voices” for gay or bisexual inmates which is well supported and at tended ('m not saying that Just because I'm the secretary) and we try to meet twice a month wher staffing levels allow. There ae sila tow problems now and again though, mostly rom the ‘group we call“plastic gangsters" in prison. The prison population is a ‘rose section of males in society, and Its my opinion that most, I not all men, have abi-cuious sce to them, | idnt become active unt | was in my 40s and was amazed at the number of men who use tolls, ‘woods, carparks ete for sexual ‘contact. By far the majority are what would be termed normal men, heterosexual and often married, but who need intmacy wth other men, ‘The same applies prison, andin | any gtoup of men, such asthe armed forces. You would be surprised, (or | then again maybe you wouldnt) at the number of men in prison who hide their sexuality and amongst them ‘are some who are the most openly verbally homophobic, that's usually a {good clue asto theirtrueteslings. | WW Taylor, Nottinghamshire ero f the month ecr We didn’t realise Inthe November issue of GT! believe have spotted a typo inthe Heather Small article, One of Heath- ers answers reads "What people don release is that for my entre career Ive had dentures” Surely it should have read "What people don't realise is that for my entire career, I've had dentures: Heather Small then clearly points cut that's a joke, ls the speting ‘error ajoke also or a poor job by your proof reader? Maurice Patrick Crossley, Aberdeenshire Editor repios: We are sorry for the error We're wanted Can | just say, you guys never {all to impress when itcomes to ‘making sure | get my pretty boy fix. Those Wanted boys ae FIT. It anyone wants to pass my details onto Nathan I could most definitely ‘make space for him in my if (even it's just for one night). And | promise not to post any pictures on Twitter tke that git a! Peter, via email X marks the spat Is Jos McElderry being sabo- taged? Last Saturday night onthe Ewitter GayTimestiag: Just HetttkerUK: Ara Golden Gaytine: ‘Shere ie xy ana ‘On gaytimes.co.uk forums... resargaraver ‘stocking BEC arte 93) menare unable of HV ana ype expesance at staal ison tbe dso550 Anonymous: have Maypoitstertho agente eee fromtanighest thateven noun rected group, bat re. you thoughts? done out omer disses hasnatieg Anonymeue Sragntandgay Isatowedto gine up people Petal roa soyearcs equality sytimes co.uka.) comedy gold vl get closer hmvcomX Factor something happened lings" that rose my venom, i wich set the alam bls fn Watsons ace, we secher | my head concerning Joe. Two row protaim gay babiesfhiron aise were glen songs to perom es ho ults new accoe which werein dre compet sory who pleases mummy and fen with Joes new single forthe daddy nis perfect mannerisms, number one spe and betheongs _leatiness and abitytobe "ine | Were ahead cfhininthechrts at macuistely behaved ever dnner the pot of common. a tocande Locate” irae simply nenplcable. What She eels his egument nthe tte ne chances hettwo songs tc that now prensa ovng chosento be perfomed ould be uncondtonally and toaly open head ofoeinthechar? The and accepting. remining ‘heme frthe week was music Shane na similar letter the very heroes. Duck Soupand Bun fat is empty. fabulously mane Ners, |sk you. the bgger pont need behaviours totaly even by wasnt so seis f would be very condtionl and nen-aaing | laughable. parenting that wi lad to avery Tet nore are altel sutsinthe depressed cha ie oro Ans business who have young gay Dectan Hayden, via emai | sted eevee ts nee ass onthe books tat hey wl oncnscrte ct pbc rot want folowing Joe's example. bin(eeepage 166) year ast spend Joe has to fail sothat they can turn Wouldntit be just peachy f, inthe cout na most of Chistes aroundtothem and say"you cont very las episode ofthe TV seis, craotaitme Saar -want to end up like Joe McEiderry. ‘Merlin, that handsome hunk Prince finbow on But TE Haskin 0 you? Ana Pendragon, hte i eeoae. Anne, via email ‘throne, announces to all the people James C That's quite a or Camatt that ne wit mayen : otoepcunze nen Chnstnas Eve? Andthat hs bnieto | cot cei Ceaeeeal Anaricleinthe Sle magazine __bewilbenone ther han his pretty Sent peer Cte Sunday Ties (17 Oe) manera rin. Wey we, | fern twit Meyer ‘dew meto eral you. itis Shane weal beleveinfarytales dont we? ee ea Wisonsarileon-itieGayDar Michel Russel, Winchestor mt Sahevtete, gt? het oy x ‘The Editor, GT, Spectrum House, Unit M, 32-34 Gordon House Rd, London, NWS 1LP. 020 7424 7401 edit@gaytimes.co.uk gaylimes.co.uk/interact tacebook.com/gaytimes. ‘witter.com/gaytimesmag Crea tuk eis te tune be Dornan Rep’ runbet ane osingrum casa neh, b8 (900 wards ot es) and cater wl be edi fr lng, Namal adie an be wit upon reve. Next month’s issue: Out 1 December The Naked Issue ee eee ee eer een Eee Coton ee ere net areas 10 sytimes co.ukar iis a MISSED AN ISSUE?st what you want welcoming you, whether it be at the start, of a magazine or (preferably) at home ~ Ben Cohen in not very many clothes. Well now you can, every day. Not that we're being stalkerieh or anything, he's done one of those calen- dare where In some months hopefully the warmer ones — he's letting his ur ly nthe wind, ‘And i you want to meet the man Inthe flesh hell be signing the calendar in the London Prowier store (prowler.co.uk) on 20 November at pm, at ‘aytines.co ukWe either overlooked The Kixx in our boyband round-up a few issues ago or they're SO NOW that we're practically lining up to a future cover. Or at least trying to get them naked. They're four 19-year-olds from Reading - Dave, Robbie, David and Jack to be precise - and the chances are you’ve maybe not seen them “in action” yet given that they've just finished a tour of, err, schools. Still, if it’s good enough for screaming adolescent girls... Ever wantoto tak one of Sipping gt renes ot Sewcinae » ‘Whetever you make the ~ oc tetlcan ‘them on God, week days are rubbish. What are you supposed to do when the X Factor isn't on? I don't know about you, but I'm whipping iy hair back and forth. Who do you think you are, Willow Smith? You're not exactly first inline for the Wil-Smith's-daughter-lookalike- contest. Or passing for a gil who is nine years old, Even if you make that dog years, *Starts whipping hair* La la la! Fine, if you're not going to listen to me, Il just sit here and entertain myself with a Muppet mash up on YouTube... “slows down whipping™ Didn't they do lewd things with Katy Perry? If they havent it’s only @ matter of time. As is a shouty out of tune cover by the gurning Cher Lloyd on X Factor. Oh my god, we're another five minutes closer to the next Live Final. Where's my weave? sayties.coukice to meat you NFIRST secr She’s been the voice of Belle from Beauty and the Beast since the beginning and now she paints for Disney — but how much of a princess is Paige O’Hara? Dieney princesses follow thelr hearts and not thelr heads, gving up their voice to get a man, ell ing their sou tothe dvi to save aman, and Belle fling for an tlghtfoot monster. Do you tnd to follow your head or your heart Inte? Oh, that's a hard one. | tend to follow my heart, just Because I'm ‘a sole whan it comes to my family ‘and my friends —to the point where ‘my husband Michael isthe opposite and he says "Ok, Paige, you can't ive up your whole ie to take care of your family 5/5 ses ustke Bale SHRIEK It you had to choose between the muscled, good-looking and primeval Gaston or the Beast who ‘would you choose? Oh, the Beast! He's so charming and wonderful ang has a beautiful soul You only know that now. (Laughs) | ‘mean Gaston maybe for a nigh 5/5 Tats what we want hes Do you ever catch yourself singing around the house and Ifo are they from Beauty and the Beast? Of course. Absolutely Beauty and the Beast not so much Human Again sometimes. | sing a lot of Judy because Im worklng on ‘a musical based on the life of Judy Gatland right now. i's been in the process fortwo years and i's actu ally petty dan good. 'm hoping | ccan bing something special tot. It's for Broadway; t's called Judy ‘The Musical. | grew up idolising her, and ve done tributes to her in my act for years Do you believe in true love and “happily ever after”? Yes, Id. Lrealy do. We have our troubles ‘and our fights, but Ive been wth Michael now for 22 years. | ad a horrible marriage before Michael and that made me pretty cyni calfor a while, but wth Michast | wasn looking. | was ata friend's partment and we were singing cover a piano to Kurt Weill~ One “Touch of Venus and ironically i was my ex husband that hired him [Wichael. So, that was the best thing my ex husband ever di. 5/5 Teal tepgy hock up and acoupict ‘wipes atthe x Love Het Have you ever wished upon a star as an adult? | did when I was Ite, when | loved the movie Pinoc ‘’hio. I would dream of being inthe theatre, and why not? It you could wish upen a star now, what would you wish for? Do you sill do thar? Maybe | shoul ‘get back to that. You know what, | do need to get back to that 115 vouras wistingona’ Your father hae decided to Invent something and name it fter you, ‘what would you wish for it to be? (Pause) | can’t think of anything that would help world peace. My biggest agony is what's going on wth the warn Afghanistan and poverty and homelessness. | just wish there was some magic cure, 3/5 wore talng princoseos not boauty agearts Page What can a princess never be without? Her lipstick (aughs). Dar ling, she's gotta have her make-up, 45 Aimost is actunly apne wih a You've invited us to be your guest ata lavish dinner party, what ‘would you (or a talking candle stick) serve? | couldn't serve the {ood that | te. ma vegetarian and | eat very strange food. Id serve wat I'd think you would tke: multiple ‘courses of diferent meate, vageta- bles and sweets, and fantastic wine. But would defintely have a sido dish of my whole-wheat pasta 3/5 st pve uth boty uly {alkoy te end ot ne evening anyway. 30/40 \We dort actuaty care what she scored, we gotto TOUCH Bale Hom Beatty ar ‘he Beast Arem. whichis ot row a8 8 Diamond Eaton cn Disney Oeule Psy sytimes co.uk121doc.o.uk Getting treatment has never been so convenient At 12Adoc, there's no need to wait weeks for an appointment, or worry about the embarrassment of talking to your dactor face-to-face about personal health issues. (Our online doctors can diagnose your condition and prescribe genuine branded medication in complete confidence. Our pharmacy dispatches medication via overnight delivery so that you can start your treatment as soon as possible. We even offer same-day delivery within the M25 circular. 121doc offers treatments for: Impotence Obesity Genital herpes ‘Smoking cessation Male pattern baldness Premature ejaculation To treat a sensitive health problem or to find out more about 121doc's treatments, please log on to www.421doc.co.uk or call our Patient Services Team on 020 7186 0092. 121doc private healthcare ontneIt's fate ona Friday ight. Im lying on my bed surrounded by pages ofthis very edltion of GT when the phone rings, i's Wilhelmina Slater trom rival publication Mode, Exceptit's obviously not Wil. helena, given that | have to reluc- tantly agree that she's afctional character from Usly Betty (We Will Not Forget, but rather the actress behind our inspiration, Vanessa Wiliams. And hey, how many other ‘gays getto reply to that creariest cof questions “what did you do last right” with "you know. the usual, chatted to Vanessa Wiliams” loan deny that we hounded her - we even got Michael Urie to forward what was basically an ‘email declaring our love to her. ‘What can we say? We learned all our tactics from Mode, And here we are — she's on her way to Memphis to film the US version of ‘Who Do You Think You Are, taking ‘break from the show she's just Joined, our other favourite gay-but- ot-actually-gay show Desperate Housewives. She's playing Renee Perry, former college frend of Lynette Scavo. And we've heard she's abit ofa vixen. "You could say she’s Wilhelmina te," Vanessa chuckles. “She's not {85 devious, not as fashion forward and certainly not as diabolical. But she tries to bring her New York style to Wisteria Lane and she gets Imo abit of rouble, but i's not at a level | was used to on Ugly Betty, It's allon a very suburban level” she laughs again, ‘She thinks for a moment when asked it Renee is as fun to play as the Meade's arch-nemesis, W's completly diferent. Wihelmi na was such a joy, The cast was Incredible, my surroundings were Impeccable, my wardrobe was be- yond creative and up-to-date, having Pat Fields atthe helm. | was realy working in an alternate universe With that character. This is as much ‘a dose of realty as | could possibly get, even though Renee is someone who has money and doesn't realy, saytines.couk Work hard at much of anything,” she chuckles once mare, “I's completely aitferent and 'm enjoying myself on Wisteria Lane” | ask if shes stil surprised at Ugly Batty being cancelled "Oh yeah, we all are. But the Person that made that decision is. no longer at the network so just was an unfortunate time for us as fa show. | know that we were not ready, we had many stories to tll | knew we ware nat clase ta the fond by any means. That was a decision that we're al still scratch- ing our heads over, We miss each ‘other terribly, we talk to each other allthe time. We text each other, Michael [Ure] and I, Beck [New- ton] we were at her baby shower @ couple of weeks ago, she's due in 1 couple of weeks.” ‘She stats listing allthe cast and it {quickly becomes apparent that the network didn’ ust fnish an incred- ible show, they broke up a family The cast, tturns out, didn't even get to keep any mementos “No, the tragedy" she groans. “The network wouldn't lt us take anything, wardrobe or furniture, Which was really kind of heat: breaking because there were ‘a couple of leone pleces that | wanted for my house, especially ‘rom Wilhelmina’ fice and apart ment, which I couldn't get because the network wanted to sell them. | don't even know i they made mon- ey back. Leaving witha really bad taste after we were cancelled and we couldn't. We were wiling to pay for the things that we wanted 1 purchase and we were told no, so that was. ot great. We realy felt badly about that” Bt don't let that rule out the chances ofthe cast reuniting “Ive head nothing,” she admits We'd all ove o dot in a second, in ‘heartbeat. But I've heard nothing and they destroyed everything They ripped athe sets down, hich again was heartbreaking, | dont even know whether i's being stored anywhere, We had a great FIRST time while it lasted for four years. ‘She laughs when | ell her that, ridiculously, the show defines alot cof what we do, | ask what her most ridiculous moment on the show was. “Have you gotten tothe water fight vith Wihelmina and Claire yet? “That was the most ridiculous thing, being able to have a catfight in the water ft was the most un day that wa had together. twas hilarious, that’s insane” ‘Speaking of insane ~two off.the- ‘sale gay moments crop up during ‘our chat, Fitstly ~ she's appear Ing as a judge on season three ot FuPaul's Drag Race. “Iwas great, | got a chance to ‘mest all the contestants and see them prepare. And then, oh my god I've gat to say the two contestants ‘end up doing their ypsych-off to one cf my songs, so that was lovely, it was great” Secondly, she's just finished a Broadway run of Sondheim on Sond- heim, which, when she reveals she might gett perform in London, elicits ‘an audible gasp trom yours truly. “heard that they're actually about to star the same production that we {id over In London so | was tying to get over there fr atleast a six to eight week stint but | don't know whether they're going to hire Brits ori theyl allow us to come in of ‘ot. Butt can do that inbetween the hiatus on Housewives Id love to ‘come over tothe West End and do Sondheim, that'd be great.” ‘The GT campaign to get Vanessa to the West End starts now. With all this chat of how increaible Ualy Betty was (UK viewers will see the final episode air on 22 December) | askifit was strange being the new hhousewite on Wisteria Lane. “Well! actually end up getting into ‘a catfight with Eva Longoria in one of ‘our episodes coming up..” AMAZING. Vanessa laughs hard, “Exactly. So {quess I'm carrying on the theme! Desperate Hounewivs and Ualy Betty eon (Channel 4 Sundayshappened to nearly everything rightcatches up PST] and Kelly Rowland By the time you read this, | wil have tlown to Uganda for a BBC documentary 'm filming about how ‘gay people are persecuted there. At thetime of wring, |have never been 0 soared in my ite. It's easy to take for granted the liberty and freedom we have in this country, Yes, the fight for complete ‘equality must continue, but if we look around we can see just how far the gay movement has come. Here gay clubs exist, same-sex partners can have envi partner- Ships and have children, laws are being changed and challenged to protect gay people and uphold their equal rights, there are support ‘groups for gay youths, gay people in the media, ay pride marches. How lucky we are. In Uganda, not only ist legal to be gay. gay people can be killed fort. I we were the victim of homophobia here we could go tothe police. To do the same there you would end up in prison Eatler today | interviewed a man ssyimes 00k called John, he was driven out of Uganda and sought refuge in Por ‘smouth, His face was printed on the front of a newspaper, much inthe ‘same way a paedophile or murderer ‘would land on tabloid front pages here. He was named and shamed for being gay. He then became the viet of hate crimes, abuse, vio- lence, his family rejected him and, should he ever eetuin, he will most Cofinitaly be killed He advised ma, as a young white ‘gay man, not to go there, as matter of ite or death, He said the ‘natives wil balieve | am trying to “inflict the disease of homosexual ity on thom It makes you realise just how lucky we ave and how we must ‘continue touse our voices to fight for our brothers and sisters all over the world whe do not have the freedom we have. I've never really Involved myself in the gay rights movement before, but | think now ivetime | dia Wow, the last month has been jampacked with celebs ‘coming onto my Radio 1 show. My favourite has been Rihanna. When she enters the room you know immediately that you are Inthe presence of a worldwide megastar. She looks flawless, her features are so stiking she's lke a cartoon, particulary with hher new bright red hai (Wilma Flinstone, anyone?) She's great tolinterview, gives a great insight into that jet set, uber-glar, pop star testyle we all dream of. For ‘example, she told me about how Katy Perrys her best friend and, COLUMN for her ben night, a gang of them went o Vagas to partay. Who wouldn't want a night out in Vegas with those two? | also attended a playback party for her new album, Loud. Ive been to many ofthese before, but never cone where the arts is actually there, She was sat on a stage, ‘observing everybody in the room for their reactions ta each song. It's quite an awkward environment Imagine listening to one of your fa- ‘vourte artists, while theyre wateh- ing you listening. The new aloum is ‘maga. Listen out fora track called California King, t's @ power-pop ballad that is simply stunning and a career best sofa Tinie Tempah popped in. ma big fan, his aloum is biliant, Don't Gismiss this one as just another hit RnB wannabe, There are many ‘around but this guy is the real deal Out ofall of his contemporaries, he's the only one to have had a number one single AND album, and don't gee it asa fluke, He's a really rice guy to, fun tobe around. Kelly Rowland has been on my show again too. Bless her, she had ‘cold so came in with a snotty rose. But she's a survivor (ike the song says), she satin the studio pling tissues from one box and then aisposing oft into another bor, No tall of snot rags for Kelly, Despite this intricate tissue dispos- al arrangement, he's very down to earth and doesn't take herself too seriously, Could have done without her tickling me almost to death, but then she topped itoff by caling me “funny guy’. Hopetully, she meant itinagood way.FIRST We lke a challenge. So when Absolut told us to "make the present exceptional We asked “how?” Why, with their Absolut Limited Eeltion vodka of course, That bettie you've so frequently had a firm grip on has been ext into ‘8 work of art. This won't atop you trom partaking in the contents, obviously ~ artis to be enjoyed, no? mt Charitable feet Flashy socks often walk the fine line between style statement and foot faux pas. Fortunately, this collaboration between Giles Deacon and Happy Socks pulls them off, offering the sock obsessive a week's worth of wonder wear. Aminimum of 25% of sales will go to the Elton John Aids Foundation - the price tag isn’t exactly ‘stocking filler level, but the seven pairs come as a box set, and only 1,000 sets have been produced. = —a E apy Sec zor sytimes co.ukCalm down, calm down, Just pre- tend you're trading bananas.” ‘This one wasn't so much a WTF experience as a "What the fuck am I going to do?" experience, And while there may have been no physical danger involved in the undertaking of tis piece, it stil made me feel thoroughly nauseous (a i traction) In a sight change of pace | moseyed ‘on over to London's shiny Canary Wharf to ty out @ day in the feof @ Cty boy. Omit“a day in the ita of” from that sentence and Is have been lot happier, but hey, who am Ito look a git horse in the mouth “The experience came courtesy of Amplify Trading, a proprietary trading company that offers courses for people looking o get into trading 15a career. The company is based in an ultra-modern, eerily beautful building (you know the score, lots of metalic surfaces, giant flowers and floor to celing windows overlook ing water) in the capital’ financial district. | must say before I forget from the head hanchos right down tothe students, everybody | was in troduced to displayed a very human \warmtn ~ no frozen-faced robots or Michael Douglas in the 80s, money hungry, hyper-masculine types Sorry to disappoint. Anyway. | doubt itll come as a surprise to learn that 8 ahumble GT journalist | wasnt necessary well equipped to take on the challenge in question. | mean, thus far this job has bestowed on ime specialist knowledge on every ‘subject from Brent Corrigan’ naked body (he's quite short in the flesh you know) tothe gripping 80s drama TTenko, but when it comes to the world of trade, nada, But | assumed that was a given. | assumed I's be. ‘what's the word... mellycoddled canapés perhaps? Personalised business cards? Some tree money? | gasped in horror on leaming | was going to have to engage my brainto get through the day. We were given some sold training from the company’s co-founder Wiliam de Lucy, but every word he utered went in one ear and out ofthe other ‘on account of the fact that he was rather handsome and !m easily distracted, Betore knewit | was be- ing half dragged into a room full ot massive computers with sprawting, inexplicable graphs on them, to be: gin trading with the other students, | tiled to console myself withthe fee ‘sandwiches (stil no canapés), and made about three trips to the coffee machine before | even sat down in ‘an attempt to banish a esting I've nat had sinee | took my GCSEs. ‘You 208 kind of missed the memo that the whole thing was merely ‘simulation (du), Yes, that's right, have a good laugh at my expense why don’ you? I wae indeed under the deluded impression that | was ttading REAL ol, REAL money. Or, in my case, bananas. Ten minutes in, when I sawthe ook of calm on de Leys face ater already lost 10 ‘grand, | kind oftwigged it wasnt real, though that humilation only made me sicker And besides, eventuelly ‘Something clicked and | started to gett. Minute by minute, the sickness fell away to be replaced by something equally unheathy: ‘obsession. I became frantically ‘obsessed with the idea of clawing myself back into profit, of timing the buying and selling of my il (or bananas) just 50, in ight ofits ever fiuctuating value, as instructed to me by graphs and a chat room populated by other trading students ‘om all over the werld. Throughout the day, there was a lt of talk of how emotional an experience trad ing is, at which | snorted at first, but it true, So much so, many traders work closely with psychologists to maintain @ healthy frame of mind as itis such an intense protession. As much as 'é recommend the Ampliy “Trading courses to anyone looking to make themselves employable ‘enough to eam a tidy salary in the Cty, the process of losing and then ‘earning back £30,000 in one a noon proved a litle too stressful for rol. 'm sticking tothe day ob. saytines.coukAlso this month we'e giving away £200 worth of cloth- ing from indie clothing brane Aettex. You could soon find yourself sporting a sexy Aertex outfit perhaps a modaish polo te2 ora classic check shit, ail very This Is Englana '6. Just shave all your hair off for guaranteed results [ertex i known for its qualty and style and so wil the lucky winner of this months competition, who willno doubt become the eye candy allthe boys ae after. To be in with @ chance of winning, log onto gaytimes.co.uk. Closing date 20 December. ssyimes 00k FIRST We've teamed up with one of the UK's most luxurious hotels to offer one reader an exclu- sive winter weekend getaway ~a two night stay for two ina sea-facing, double or twin bed- ded room at Jersey's famous Radisson Blu Waterfront Ho- tel, plus breakfast and dinner on both days at the Waterfront Brasserie, as well as a free facial at the hotel's spa. Join- Ing forces with Radisson Blu Is leading low cost airline bmiba- by, who will provide two return flights to the island from either ‘Manchester or East Midlands Airport. Visit radissonblu.com/ hotel-jersey or bmibaby.com for more details. Date of stay and flights subject to avail- ability. Terms and conditions apply, travel must be taken by 31 March 2011. To be in for a chance of winning, log onto gaytimes.co.uk. Closing date 20 December. baby,auch ie) HIS GORGEOUS tetera PTT ay (ors CARL HESTER SHOWS US THE GLAMOUROUS WORLD OF DRESSAGEPt a having repre pies in the equestrian preparations for London As Hester the period beams of his ‘beaut old mil hous and an where he stan« “This is wher the leer C, They go around the arena, Cis Centre line. The letters have been used for hun Jor, nobody Ca informs v don't k e not quite au fait with the éressage routine and ever the (ont, Carl taks us through it. “The horse has thr aces, a walk, trot and a canter. I originated from ould turn quickly, spin to and didnt get stabbed to death by the been d s, dressage, much lke ice skating, is performed to popular music, appealing tothe mas His new fly on the wall TV show captures the wh with four weeks of Having not seen it neue of what to expect, though there atone about his lations. “There was reference toi (my sexuality in ita all” Cart of two years. exciting contimation of a“Sticly’ st with Kate Price, while we look fr cing hi ‘omfort of our own.COLUMN Tits) Se eee) SMUT 02 Oct Oh Gaydar, why do you attract such normal welL-adusted people? Everytime | go on there think, "Wow, gay people are co ‘warm, s0 supportive, with such @ ‘concern forthe health and well: ing of those around them” Clearly "nave never thought this. Mostly ust thin, “Delete your protle {you mental tit, ust Because you met the love of your life on here ‘seven years ago, don’ think thet will EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.” And then, five hours later, Ilog off. And ‘comfort at But today was special. Even by Gaydar's standards, | was tap ping away this afternoon, feeling ‘vaguely upbeat, chatting tothe ‘odd person, when a chat request ‘came up. He looked pretty hot, although without a face — but then who needs a head? So overrated and 50 accepted the invitation ‘and we stated taking, Wed only ‘exchanged a few lines when he ‘asked i do bareback. Now, there have been occasions where | send mcr people messages about thistling them to learn some self-respect. But today, I thought, why bother? 80 simply replied, "No, not for ‘me’ How Zen of me, thought. Be cause you know, you get what you put out there, Emit non-judgemen: tal vibes and the world won't judge you. That theory is, after today, officially nonsense. His reply? (And | stress, lam about to quote pre- cisely — verbatim — what he said) ‘$0, not only are you fucking uly, you're also fucking boring, Whaaaaaat? | stared atthe screen for afew moments, absor- ing the words in front of me and then started composing my reply ‘Oh you think Im ugly, do you? You ‘must be a supermodel given that you don't even have your face on your profile, And '™m so ugly that you want to put your cack up me ‘without a condom? Really? So, bareback sex, for you, is some kind of revenge on the facially aficted? I think not, But, you know, Itake your point about me being boring, ‘What could be more interesting than AIDS? Endangering your lite {and that ofthe person you're with 's, afterall ke, SO FUN. How ‘exciting! Look, were HIV-positive ‘now! Such an adrenaline rush having to take medication for the rest of our lives! The buzz! Oh and the side effects! The diarrhoea! ‘The mental heath problems! And ‘nothing quite compares, does it to sitting your family down and telling them you have a ifetheatening il ‘ese Iiterally cant wait. Youte so right, anyone who doesn't want that ‘must be the dullest person EVER! But didnt send any of that, Given that this person is actually dangerous | thought that perhaps sarcasm isnt the best tactic. Wouldn't, for example, tell someone waving a gun around in public: You're s0000 orginal. No one's fever done that betore” No. Instead, | came out o the chat box and sent him amessage saying: "There is nothing uglier than having bare- back sex. You are putting yourselt atrisk as wall as those around you, Please stop it" I then calmly went round to his house and stabbed him repeatedly. n my head) 06 Oct You'd think that after the ‘other day, I would have had my quota of numbskuls for the month, Apparently not. I went on a date tonight, which I had genuine high hopes for. A couple of days ago ‘weld had exceptionally good sex, the kind where you thnk, “I want to poke you every day forthe rest of mmylife” And when, ater sex, the kids on his estate stated banging ‘on the door, shouting, and one of them said “faggot I thought, “Wel, ifm going tobe homophobically murdered atleast when the police discover my body i wil be covered beautifully in semen So felt ike Weld shared a moment together, ‘coming through stronger as aunt. But that was before tonight's dinner Over the main course, the ‘subject of children came up. Out of nowhere he saidI don’ think gay people should be allowed to have children” My head exploded, But managed o ply: “Um, why?" To wich he sald, “Because then the children might grow up thinking being gay is normal." As | began to Pick the pieces of train and flesh up from the plate infront of me, he added casually, "And in any case, ‘gay people never have serious relationships anyway.” | don't think Ihave ever looked at someone with such dlsgust. We argued for awhile, I managed nat to shout, “insemalised homophobia’ repeatedly uni he ran tothe near ‘est therapist Instead, we finished the meal, and as | said goodbye he replied, "Vd realy like to see you again” | smiled, walked away and thought, “really like to meet ‘someone who dosen't hate himset, who has managed to transcend the ugliness of the world around us, who can evolve with me as a ‘couple inte something amazing beautiful, and magical But who, ‘above all, has a big cock. i sytimes co.ukBook your place online at www.gmfa.org.uk/national or call 020 7738 3712 (Lines slaty anne Saturday 06.11.2010 Saturday 13.11.2010 Saturday 20.11.2010, City ‘genes [tity ‘gency City ‘Age Birmingham THT Midlands & HGL Brighton THT South Leeds Yorkshire MESMAG London uF Bristol TAT West Manchester USF Plyouth Eddystone Tst Leoester Trade Newcastle MESNAG NE Liverpool Armistead Project Notingam Hol Sheffield cay Southampton HS (cons etna pestip th 7 _ < @ mesmac (=:Michael Urie, the actor behind Marc St James (a minion in Ugly Betty’s Meade Publishing empire) dropped by our own real life gay publishing house. He liked what he saw. And smelt. What's the best cure for a broken heart? Hmmm... Finding another person to love, | suppose... Time ‘The only cure fora broken heart is time. That's my answer IH you could be anywhere right now where would you be? Gay Times! | would be at Gay Times, doing this. imerview. Reeceeally? OF course. Drawing from the jar... whispers} orn bed Do you get chatted up alot? Yeah. | guess s0, Im also asked for crections Alot, have one of those faces, I itimportant to have beautiful things around you? Yes, | believe it Is, And lalso believe that colours In your homes and offices — ke you guys have this lovely orange and blue looks at our face] You dont ike it? Err. [think colours are really im: Pprtant, ike to have bright colours scr ‘around, | think it's stimulating, ‘What's your colour scheme at home? Wel, mines, | ve in the comer ofthe building s0 | have lots of win dows, which is really great. | think win dows are important too. The walls are brown, but have a green celling and ‘giant yellow surlower painted on my wal tat my dad did n New York have lots of windows and micrrs, which Is good because irefects the ight, IW you could have sex with yourself, would you? Yeah, | actually had @ ‘ream that | had sex with mysel one time, Itwas lke. Iwas awesome, Hot. Would you film it? Yeah but | ‘wouldnt show itto myselt Burial or cremation? Tough one. ‘That isa tough one. | think cremation. ‘What if you got it wrong? What it we do come back, and I need my body later? No, what if you weren’t actually dead and you're being cremated. That would be tertble. Did you see the A-Team? Theres this bit where Liam Neeson takes something that makes t seem lke he's dead, and then they stat to cremate him and he wakes up, lke Romeo and Julist, and he's ike "Uh! Gotta get out of here {Dips hand injar, picks of dity sweet) Ew, what is that? ‘That's Heather Small’ fault, don’t worry about it. Why is the sky blue? Isnt ita reflection of the water? No, technically the sky isn't always blue. Sometimes it's grey, sometimes it's just white, So the answer i. Because God has a colour scheme, Do you believe in sayties.couk“| actually had a God? mumbles eer ae) poop, but the natural ‘comically] Not sex with Tcl one baby smell. The smell especialy, ‘What's the best ‘tthe skin, that smell time. It was like... it RAbeeaiellenseing ‘smell in the world? was awesome” ‘Tube clip you've seen Honesty, this isnt the best smell, but the bathroom here smelis = ally nee. couldn’ believe it, \was like “oh how nice’ You're the only person who has ever sald that. Someone must've sven ita quick spritz before you Went in. On realy, did someone take ‘big douche before | went in? But was, like “Oh how nice!” Did it give you an Englieh accent?! [ropey mockney] "How lovely, What @ lovely smel. The best smell ~ babies smell prety good. Photow ‘Again, we've got to question your "es ites anewer there... Wel, not when hey saytines.couk this year? Marcel the shell with shoes on. Jenny Slate and her boyfriend, s0 amazing. She was on this HB0 show called Bored To Death ‘and | goto meet her at a New York Jets football game. I's iterally this tiny litle creature that's @ shell with shoes and eyes and the most ador- able itle voloe and... youve gt to watch it. I's s0 good, Has fame gone to your head? No, but there have been times when Ive gotten used to certain things... and then when it suddenly isn that way, there's this split second where Im “don't you know who lam?" Itdoesn't INTERVIEW, last, because most people don't know who | am. So, I'm not realy that fa ‘mous. mm way move famous here than in the United States, When was the last time you wore ‘someone else's clothes? Well, this shirt is someone else's. He gave it tome technically, & friend who gave me some clothes. And | wear Mare St James’ clothes alt. ‘Amazing. Did you get to sneak lots ‘of them off set? You know, some: times you borrow things and then shows get cancelled and you don't return them We'll take that as a yes then. What did you dream last night? | was actually ust trying to remember the ‘ream | had last night. | can't remem ber It wasn't the dream where | had ‘sex with myself I mean really we just fooled around, me and me,INTERNE W.INTERVIEW He’s the hottest X Factor export ever, and now he’s back album anew anew body and a new beard. Meet GT’s current Obsession, the absolutely stunning Shayne Ward “Get on your knees, Turn around so your back’ to me ‘Shayne Ward. Uttered this, To me. Yes he, oh perfect faced one, of X Factor winning fame. I's true, have iton tape. ‘And thanktully he didnt croon it at ime in is falsetto voice, (As much as Hove his falsetto voice) Oh na. He sid it with the gruff, serious tone his raw length of beard suggests, While Iying on his back, FACT. OK, fun over. A this point I must set the record straight | have not been seduced by Britain's answer to Justin Timberlake, except maybe in my imagination. The lish bom singer's in {act straight (duh) and has been with his long-term gitriend since betore winning the country’s biggest talent show back in 2005. Although the truth behind his and my flirting isnt wholly disappointing absolutely staggered a the sight of his lean, taut new body, | requested something of a personal training session with the handsome Mancu- nian, And to my ecstatic glee he was more than happy o oblige. That sald It's les personal training, more him working out as | watch intently (is back muscles are Immense) walle cccasionally offering myself up as @ prop. He bench-presses my entire 10 stone self as I make coy itl “woah” noises. i's true, | have it on tape. That's why he was lying on his back land demanded | drop to my knees, in case you were wondering. *Lfeel the best I've ever fe,” he tes ‘me warmly ang excitedly." enjoyed the taining betore but | was doing a g lu go to dance. But eet) D the back ed % a Tee tee rey Rone) deere Rete = Butit’s not the reason = you ‘ge A up” 4 M sayties.couk a llHe’s the pop star you want to take home to meet your parents and he’s only gone and made one of the best albums of the year. Darren Scott gets a bit motherly with X Factor winner Joe McElderry. “Typical, You wait months for an X Factor fty and then two come along ‘at once. Though that wouldn't be the word last year's winner Joe McElderry ‘would use to describe himea. In fac, he wouldn't describe himset at all Before we chat Im already aware that he's nt THAT kindof person. While he talks 10 to the dozen about his music and his X Factor experi- ‘ences =to the point of getting tongue- tied — he's clearly not gotten even remotely big-headed since becoming the sixth winner of Simon Cowell's Juggernaut singing contest. In fact the 19-year-old Is endear- ingly humble and ever so polite it just makes you want to hug him, That, from an interviewer that recoils at the thought of being tactile, is quite a statement, But his oy is adorably infectious, you cant help but be pleased for him, ‘The theme song forthe last scraps of ‘summer was undoubtedly his, with his top 10 single Ambitions taking Joe in ‘anew direction which he grabs with both hands on his debut album It's an album that wil surprise you. Wide Awake, which he worked ‘on wth producers Ray Hedges, Dallas Austin and John Shanks (google them, there's afar few big names they've worked with) has shades of Scissor Sister, Mika, ‘scr Pot Shop Boys and George Michael in there, Colour me shocked, as find myset excitedly teling Joe just how bri ‘Typically, he seems to not believe ime, "Do you lke it?" he checks, betore thanking me. Itell him t's @ pleasant surprise and he laughs. "Hopefully for everyone! You ~and possibly |~might have thought there'd be a collection of ballads headed our way, Not so, An album of upiting pop you say? | ask Joe ithe expected to be going down that particular path Nota all Im glad that we dia something lke that, | wanted to come out witha single and album and kind of ike, make ita bit ofa surprise. | wanted to do something that people weren't going to be ‘expecting and tresh and fun, Keep- Ing itas ask really, keeps things interesting,” he explains “I sald tothe label | want songs that | could go crazy with, you know lke, on stage I can have dancers, | ean da dance routines that | can get the crowd going. | wanted to do those type of songs, And they totally agreed so we went for it, and \we went to town with itand hope: fully pay of * He gracefully accepts comparisons to ther acts as a “huge compliment” ‘and points out that there's a George Michael sample on the album too, I's Fal Late Starter! want to discuss, vith the line "youll be kissing my ass Joe McElderty! What wil the fans think of his potty mouth! He bursts out laughing, "Well Im hardly swearing! I's not a swear word, 1m sure theyll get overt” he laughs again. "i's just abit of fun, that’s what | wanted todo, i's fun song.” From potty mouth to pouting mouth he got abit of modeling work under his belt inthe last year too. How does he feel about the makeover? “I haven't had a makeover!” he says incredulously. "Ive just kind of changed my har stye! | think people think that I've been put inthis machine and i's gone 'you will ook Ike tis. We did tis hairstyle on a 1 the album i, photoshoot, and | really kad itso | decided to keep itso that’s basically alltha’s happened” ‘Ah Joe, | suggest withthe tone ofa ‘gay Yoda — that's the press for you, declaring a makeover, comeback (Or inthe case of Joe, his first gay ‘experiences, “The night before our interview he id signing at G-A-Y bar in London (end then went out partying with The ‘Saturdays, as you do, hence some- thing of a hangover) and the press ‘were quick to say it was the fist ime hed been to a gay club, Or was that vet more rubbish? oe sighs, “No that's rubbish, I got ‘asked that the other day, Some- times | wonder wy | even do these interviews because everything | say is just reverted to another anwer ‘They asked us if Id been to one and | ‘sald yes I'd been to one but 'd never been to G-A-Y before. And then that ‘obviously go translated to ‘ve never been to one before | ask if that means he's been to Powerhouse in Neweastle, having had ‘some hazy nights out there myselt "Did you lke it? It's an experience...” he laughs. joke that I'm not one for Clube.“ preter ahouse party." he shrugs. So we can say's nonsense that he hasn't been to gay bars be- fore? “Yeah” ‘Does being famous mean he can really go out at all? t's a it more busier, going out, bit more crazier but yeah | can sil go ‘out. I dont lock myself away every nigh," he laughs, By the time you read this chan are you'l have seen Joe launch ‘album at the London elub (ang star rite of passage) Heaven itupon myseltto offer a bt friendly boy-to-boy advice ‘star to pop star, telling him t back rom the stage as Tom) IMeFly once told me “they pr ‘grab your balls" when you there, Joe roars with laughter ‘vows to remember. Sothen. The gay stuf Its2 that, unless you've been living ‘aock, youll already know. ShorINTERVIEW |INTERVIEW version: someone hacked his Twitter ‘account and announced that he was ay, He later said that this was what ‘macle him relies it was time to come fut, which he id in tabloi Whispers abound that it was oe himself thet posted the tweet he laughs of as “something | wouldn' do" Obviously im going to ask about coming out, but i's well known i's something he's said allhe has to say about. Let's face i, the boy wants people to like his music, yet ll ‘anyone asks him about is coming out ‘Ancther angle then —has he noticed his gay fanbase growing? “Etm.. I don’ know, | just found that everybody was really supportive you know I didnt ever think ‘oh god this fanbase ie growing naw’ you know? | just found everyone really ‘supportive, which | am realy, really appreciative about she then ready forthe attention it bring from magazines euch as ourselves? “Etm,.. dont know well see” In fact, did he even read gay magazines before? Yes, Im fishing to see it he's read GT. “Not relly mean um... You know... i's ust (stumbles) I didnt 90 ‘allright okay | came out now Imm going to start reading gay maga- zines" he laughs. “twas jst, you know, I'd ead itt found i iterest- ing but just havent really had the change to read one yet” ‘can tell he's slightly uneasy — he's not to know that being aware of how hes I'm not going to ask about boys. Hey, why would you trust a Journalist? Instead | consider how he copes with that line of question Ing given that people expect the personal lives ofthe famous to be public property. “Itgets annoying but |just con- centrate on the music and I try not to talk about my private ite ‘cos, you know, that is my privat fe. At the end ofthe day what | dois me job, andif I don't have a private ite then it’s pointless doing it, do you know what | mean? *S0 I don't talk about anything private, and when I get asked ‘these questions | just go ‘oh he trails off then laughs. *'s rather people speculated than me talking about everything, you know what | mean “If people want to make com- ments from me being private then that's fir enough but I rather that than have all my private ite splashed all over everywhere You know, Ican easly... tl spoke about everything then | could ‘easly spend my whole Iie in the ‘media spotlight, and I don't want todothat you know, | want to be able to go back to my friends and family, and just have @ party, and talk about things that | wouldnt necessarily tak about in the press, you know what mean?” ‘And why shouldn't you? | reply, sue- dnly protective again “Hove it, don't get us wrong | ove it, ‘ut Ido love my private lite as wel, Final | can‘ help but mention that ‘ur cover star, Shayne Ward, de- scribed Joe as lovely. Would he agree? “I dont really kind of tink about -myset ike that so I'm not going to answer that one!" he laughs. Sohe couldn't describe himsel then? “I couldn't describe mysett! You can describe myself. As long as it's nice’ | blurt out that m just going to use lovely again then, “That's fine!” he beams as | pluck Lup the courage to pass on something ‘alse Shayne said. That he would French kiss Joe. “He would what? Really? Oh well ‘ell him that | said thank you" Haugh and note that this quite a polite reaction “What would you like me to say?" he ‘asks cheeky before shouting in mock horror.“OH MY... GAWD! and then bursting out laughing ‘Ooh the scamp's played me at my ‘own game. | Joke that | wouldnt mind | Shayne Ward said that to me, Joe laughs again.“ send ‘im your way then!” a sayties.couk— SRS SUM es ere Meme N ans a A WINNER WILL BE SELECTED TO FLY TO CAPE TOWN IN MARCH FOR THE FINALS ERC a Tama ey the glen ARS AA Sea vero eee UY es)WORLD AIDS DAY BL) FEO SCM Plo le mCR crr T)o) with Terrence Higgins Trust to photograph negative and positive guys and speak Ee Purr c Pela Rel osetsayimes co.ukHIVWhat's the big deal about cum? That's ‘what | always wondered, “Cum on my facelchesvarse’ — been there, done it got tall over my t-shirt, But what is about the sticky goop that sends ‘so many of us into raptures? When | watch por, it always looks faintly ‘absurd when | see muscle tops hutt ing and puting for an eternity to be re- ‘warded only with atte spurt of white rmucusey stuf. Semen is the sign ot ‘good time, but 's also the sign that the good time is over, into, spunked ‘away. For me it can be a tum-on for ‘couple of seconds, but then Im left with the thought of ‘oh, and this jumpers dy-clean only as well ‘Asa gay man with no desire to procreate, cum always seemed tke ‘an extraneous appendage to sex, and {an inconvenient mess fo clean up. Wouldn't be handy to be able to put a Cork in t? No mare 2am sprints tothe petrol station for condoms, no search- ing for atissuefowelisock afterwards, no more having te avokd the wet patch Let me backtrack for a minute, 'm a ‘Quy n his early 20s, affable, reason- ‘ably educated ~ and | tater mysett that | don't look lke the arse end of truck. But a couple of months ago | got stuck. | mean, rally nanctally Stuck. I finished university at atime ‘hen the words “edit erunch” were ‘enough to strike fear into the heart of ‘any graduate, let alone banker. I got a Job in cafe, but wth 20 grand of debt hanging over me, desperate times called for desperate measures. And boy was | desperate, ‘One evening | explained my predica- ment tomy fiend Aaron over a pint"! feet realy rapped,| wailed. "| work all the hours that god sends, and money Just seems to slip through my fingers. need a cash injection ~ and fast" twas then he leaned in closer, and confided that held been doing a medical trial forthe past two months"! go every “Tuesday morning before work, sno big deal” he sad, smling at my hort fied expression. "t's just fr apainkiler ‘that's not on the market yet. | go into the clinicfor haif an hour a wesk— and | gettwo grand atthe end oft From that point it was acase of don: key-cartotstick, This could help me pay off my debts and put down a de- poeit or a new fat The next moming | was straight onthe phone to the clinic. = We have one clinical trial coming up, said the nurse, “I's a two-week live-in tial fora drug to aid urination. So you might find yourself needing to goto the tollet more frequently, o find t ‘more dificult to pes." For two grand | think can deal with that “There is another possibilty 00 — retrograde ejaculation." Excuse me?! “Well, the drug dilates the urethra to ‘make it easier to pee, so your semen might not actualy ejaculate, but go back into your bladder Is that all? Retrograde ejaculation sounded like 2 blessing —fa less messy when knocking one off before bed. All! could see were dolla signs. Walking through the doors ofthe clinic, the realty hit me: | was ving ina communal ward with sine other men fortwo weeks, and | was scared shitless. Looking around, Itook stock ofthe other guys ~ sloppy 20-some- thing student types and middle-aged men vino had spent years on the. dole, So fa, so John Doe, But then | caught sight ofa beary mountain of a ‘man lying onthe bed next to me, and suddenly | was all a-quiver. He was late-20s, had puppy dog eyes and a chestrug that could carpet a palace. [As anyone who knows me wil tll you, these are pretty much my dream boyfriend crteria. | don't remember his name, but to me he was always The Brute, He used to pace the ward, op: ping around in his trackie shorts, watch TV shows and talk loudly about how he wanted to shag Kate from Lost. In the absence of very much else too, | became mildly obsessed with him, m8] S ol Win carrg=re| for a medical octet al aoe eee cash but was — left unable to ejaculate sayties.couksaytines.couk | nad taken the drug, and was sven regular check ups to monitor its effects, but | fet as ft as a fiddle My only eal problem was sexual ‘rustration — which was getting more ‘acute every time | glimpsed The Brute ‘scratching his belly on the neighbour ing bed. | was as homy as hell, and though the only place of privacy was the shared loo, l couldn't wait to go ‘and have a good wank. The lilac walls and whiff of cisinfectant didn't make {or the sexiest setting, but, armed with thoughts of The Brute, | was hard, horny, and away. ‘Unnnngggh, uuuunangaghahh, tunnngggg! Aaaaaith— what? My cock pulsated asf ejaculating, but there was no semen in sight “Where did go?” | scoured the floor ‘ofthe bathroom and inspected my body and clothes for races of cum “No, really, WHERE dt go?" Ietared inthe mirror, sertinising my face for signs of semen. As 2 90s child, the soene from There's Something About Mary where Cameron Diaz mistakes en Stiler's semen for hair gol has a special place inmy heart but t's not something | ever want to recreate, least of alin a hospital environment. “Did | actualy have an orgasim?" | wondered. tried pumping my waning ‘erection ~ ow, kinda tender. | was defintely spent It slowly dawned on me that this was the “retrograde ejaculation" the nurse had been talking about | ‘could imagine my fate as The Boy Who Couldn't Cum: an anomaly the kind of lay who becomes an in-joke ‘among a group of friends, a conquest reducedto an anecdote. ve never wanted tohave chien either, but godldamit, | wasn't quite ready for the option tobe taken away. And Td never be able to come all over ‘someone's face again. Suddenly two ‘grand seemed like litle recompense, | went back to my bed, considerably ‘shaken, | couldn't even bring myself to look at The Brute, | had to tell some ‘one though. | went into the corridor land comered a male nurse, “Um, | dont seem to be able to ejaculate I blurted out. He stared at me with a blank expression, "Well the thing is, | just eame but | didnt actually cum.” Stil nothing. "What | means, just ‘masturbated but no semen came out!” “Oh, retrograde ejaculation” he knowingly said, half an eyebrow raised. "Well it's ike we told you —the ‘semen will have just slipped back nto yur bladder, and i'l probably come ‘ou in your urine without you even noticing.” "But when wilt go back to normal?” | anxiously asked. "As soon {as you stop taking the drug — pretty ‘much as soon as you get out ot here he replied. “Keep an eye oni, but ‘shouldn't think you've got anything to worry about” | wasn't wholly convinced, but his reassurance did go some way in abating my cold sweats. | spent the est of my days in the cline read- Ing, watching movies and counting down the days till was released. | ‘couldn’ bring myself to wank off —| Just couldnt, t was too depressing, | ‘missed my cum. Conclusion: Cum isa big deal, Al- though it can be messy and necesst tate washing your bedclthes more ot ten than is strictly convenient, a world vithout cum would also be @ world without money shots, facials and cum- my post-biow job making out. Forgive ‘me forgetting all Carie Bradshaw on Yyour asses, but in not being abe to cum, | realised what an important part (of my sex ite actually was. ‘The weekend! was released from the clinic | went to visit some old ttiends in Manchester. | met an adorable 19-year-old in a club, and ‘minutes after making out inthe sok ing area we were in a cab back to his place. | came all over his chest. never felt better. mtAmericans talk a lot. They talk a lot about gays. But rarely do they talk about gay teenagers. And they hardl ever talk about gay teenagers committing suicide. This autumn, suddenly, everybody’s talking. ‘The statistics have been grim for more than a decade: suicide is a ‘major cause of death among young people in the United States. Cutt the thousands of victims each year, queer and questioning youths are four times more likely than thei straight counterparts to attempt suicide — and, epressingly, more likly to succeed. ‘They report higher rates of depres- sion, isolation, rejection and anxiety, wile almost every student surveyed reports verbal or physical harassment ‘and fess unsafe in school Now, people around the world cant talk about these figures enough. And it's being driven by the recent deaths of several young “American teens: Raymond Chase, Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Bily Lucas and Seth Walsh and before them, in July, Justin Aaberg, ‘Thanks tothe inlrnet, responses to these have developed quickly i's been only a few weeks since acvice column ist Dan Savage festured the catalytic letter about Billy Lucas, a 15-year fldin indiana who took his ie ater homophobic bullying. The leter-wrter, signing off as “Gay Bullying Victim Who Survived” noted that hate messages hag appeared in an onine memorial to the teen and asked Savage one ques tion:"What the hell can we do?” ‘Almost immediatly, Savage set up 2 YouTube channel to host a video of him and his husband taking dtectly to gay adolescents — and encouraged thers to ad their own. Readers ‘wit posted links tothe column, the channel or the video as Facebook, Gmail or Twitter updates. “wish I could have told Bly that it gets better” said Savage “I ish | could have told him that, however bad things \wote, however isolated and alone he was, it gets bette. Why are we wating for permission to talk to these kids? We have the abilty to tak directly them Fight now. We dont have to walt for permission to let them know that gets batter. We can reach these kid: Rapidly, what Savage had called the it Gets Batter Project was being dis- cussed widely. Meanwhile, newspaper and television stations were startingto collate other reports of suicides. A day before Savage's column was posted, an 18-year-old college freshman, Tyler Clementi, was thought to have jumped from a New ‘York bridge ater his roommate allegedly streamed a viral video of him having gay sex. ‘ter that, every national dally news- paper and major television network ran features on gay youth suicide, ranging from special reports by CNN anchors Anderson Cooper and Latry king, to day-time television discus- sions by Ellen DeGeneres and Dr Phil, ‘clinical psychologist who previously sparked controversy for his treatment of gay issues. Many other networks ran multiple stores, including pieces acknowledging National Coming Out Day, Safe Schools Week and Anti- BBulying Month, al of which take place ‘annually in October. Atte time of going to press, the Gets Better YouTube channel was hosting thousands of videos that co lectvely received 1.6 milion views, ‘The videos have included songs, ‘messages in American sign language, discussions between parents and children and, interestingly, one made by out employees at Google. An ‘emotional 12-minute speech by Joel Buins, acity council member in Texas, was re-posted across the web. ‘They've come from openly-gay celeb- ries such as blogger Perez Mion, Tim {Gunn of Project Runway, Gene Robin: s0n, the bishop of New Hampshire and Chris Colfer of TV show lee. know what i ked tobe bulled ‘and teased every single day, and | know that may seem lke there's no chance of happiness lft, but | promise that there's a world of acceptance and love just wating for you to find i,” Cot cer said inhis video, “Know that despite such a cutent challenging time, there's ‘so much to look forward to, and | ook forward to sharing it with you. | promise that it gets so much better” And if there was any doubt about the extent to which this has been em: braced as a national cause, on 19 Oc- tober the channel had a new upload — from Secretary of State Hillary Caton coor Clinton tal viewers to “hang in ther land spoke ofthe social changes that she had seen in the United States during her itetime ‘Similarly, Education Secretary Arne Duncan had previously issued a state- ‘ment on homophabic bullying, and the subject was also addressed by atop ‘White House official, Valerie Jaret, atthe annual dinner of the Human Fights Campaign advocacy group, ‘And wile the chatter isnt slowing yet it wl, leaving questions about ‘what, anything, willbe diferent Many ofthe videos have directed teenagers to groups ike the Trevor Project, which runs an around-the- clock telephone help tervention. The telephone line already fields 20,000 cals a year, but upto 20% of te callers first ind ite number through the internet, The group's \Webete also features an onine chat service and question-and-answer forums, and cartes advice for friends, parents and teachers on recognising the warning signs of suicide. "The visibly is realy remarkable, said Charles Robbins, the group's ‘executive director, who said he hopes the messages would resonate with both teenagers in immediate danger {and those who might need them in time. “Youth who find out about our services will each out inthe future” Like many suicide prevention organ: Sallons, the Trevor Project calls on the ‘media tobe careful about how they cover the issue: presenting sulcide as Widespread risks making it seem com- ‘mon, normal or acceptable, they say. "It'S fine ine between awareness ‘and normalising,” said Robbins." We want people to know that there are re- sources... that depression is treatable and suicide is preventable” The pres sures on gay teenagers are complex, ‘meaning that getting a message out about intervention isthe easiest way of preventing deaths, he sald Butthe coverage has also prompted a discussion about clamp- ing down on bullying, and tougher ‘measures that schools could adopt, such as explictly banning homo- phoble harassment or guidelines for for suicide in- teachers about stopping it Last year, the Gay, Lesbian and ‘Straight Education Network ran an _avertising campaign encouraging teenagers to "think BaU speak” and ‘drop the phrase “that's so gay." Actor Hilry Dutt and comedian Wanda, ‘Sykes flmed television spots ask- ing "do you realise what you say? knock it off” An accompanying website featured stories trom young people about what they thought the language meant, and gave them the ‘chance to submit ltemative words The campaign, however, received ‘only lied attention GLSEN recently said ina statement, ‘as coverage ofthe ating of euicides was growing, that "These horrific ‘stories across the country reflect on ‘schoo! bullying culture and how it ‘can lead to tragedy, Such cases are not new, but actually do reveal portant trend the public is becoming ‘more informed and in-tune tothe re- alties that adversely affect our youth However, itis now up tothe public to not just be aware, but tobe active in ‘changing this realty” The group called on supporters to lobby their representatives about bill which would require publily-tunded ‘schools to adopt anti-bullying policies The Sate Schools Improvement Act hadnt got much traction inthis Con- ‘gress before representatives returned {othelr dstrics forthe elections fate row looks shaky f Republicans take back contol ofthe House of Repre- ‘sentatives in November, though US lawmakers wil have to tackle education reform again next year, andthe issue ‘could be included in those debates. GLSEN says the response trom President Obama's administration has been deafening in comparison with ‘what it heard from his predecessors, “We couldnt even get within afoot ‘ofthe White House," said Anthony Ramos, a spokesman forthe group, about the eight years in which George W Bush was president For many gay adults, the attention to the struggles of teenagers has been clanging reminder of what has and hasnt changed since they were In sayties.couk. WELCOME | s being held:for all of the LGBTQ youth who have ever Been bullied, harassed. or have died from suicide. Tonight we are specifically remembering: Asher Brown(age 13) Tyler Clementi (age 18) | Raymond Chase (age 19) Ifyou are a US youth who is feeling alone, confused or in crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR for immediate help. If you are in the UK, call the ‘Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. saytines.couk NEWS FEATURE ‘school. nthe 1990s, some of them were trying to fina way to Watch Elen DeGeneres’ Coming Out episode on ‘television eet in thelr living room, ot ciscreety access a gay website from & family computer or in public brary. Sins then, there have been revolu- tions in television, with queer char ‘acters atthe heart of most popular ‘shows, onthe intemet and privately ‘accessible in social media, where ‘everyone seems tobe linked tit seemed that everything was ‘easier years ago, the suicide cover ‘age has been a loud wake-up call for {98y adults in the US. It's also boen a reminder of what the youth advo: cates have been saying for several years: that teenagers are coming out younger, but that this doesnt mean Its always safe for them todo so, Inthe run-up tothe micterm ‘elections, when campaigners only ‘expected to be talking about gaye ‘serving openiy in the military or same~ ‘sex marriage, they've instead found themselves making videos, arranging for a national day of wearing purple in soliday, or organising fundraisers for groups lke the Trevor Project The events are also starting conver sations among gay adults who don’ usually see themselves as activists, People ike you and me. [Ata recent fundraiser in Washington 6, the invitation sent out was a com peling reminder that we = and them were all once like the five teenagers who recently killed themselves, “We made iit read. “As teenag: fers, most of us struggled to imagine a future lke this for ourselves. Whether you knew a struggling teenager in high school or were one yourset, these tragedies deserve more than a passing thought. This weekend is full ‘of happy hours, dance partes, bith- day blowouts, a black-tie dinner, and too many ater-parties to count “Let's all come together ~ members cof the gay community and our allies ~ for an event supporting the kids who don’ beliove thelr lives wil ever be celebrated [And by doing so, perhaps we can ac- tually prove that does get better. mtMARTIN POPPLEWELL’S BIG DEBATE Should the age of consent be lower? Romeo and Juliet, the enduring love story of an adolescent couple, might be one of Shakespeare's greatest legacies but it’s also a reminder of different attitudes to the age of consent in different countries, different times and different cultures. Juliet was 14 years old when she fell in love with Romeo. At that time sex and marriage were allowed at 14. Today Pm asking: should the age of consent be re- duced from 16 to 142 Sex for anyone below the age of 16 in the UK Is totally illegal. Not just fucking. A blow job or alittle fumble between a couple both aged 15 Is illegal. How many of you broke the law? | did. The theory is a good one; to protect young people from abuse. The trouble is the law is, ‘out of touch with the real world. Most people have sex with people who are of a similar age ‘and a huge number of young people are being made criminals. Sex Is not without its conse- quences. We have one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe. Many other countries have an age of consent which is lower. ‘An age of consent which didn’t criminalise such alarge number of people might lead to them to seek and get better advice helping them avoid the risks of pregnancy and HIV transmission. There Is of course still the question about teenagers being abused, There Is a sim- ple answer. A graduated ‘age of consent where perhaps a 14-year-old ‘would not to be allowed to sleep with anyone ‘over the age of 18. Join the debate at gaytimes.co.uk. waar says Gert Hekma, a Sociology and Anthropology ral Teenagers below the age of 16 will ten get explcity sexual forall kinds of social and biological rea- sons. Sometimes children as young 2s eight wil play sexual games. At the same time many societies set a higher age of consent. This is done to protect the young trom abuse by adults, But should we forbid teenag- rs from enjoying sex , particularly itis with someone of a comparable ‘ag6? There are sexual dangers out there our teenagers are apparently ret prepared for. But a better solu tion isto teach them about those desires they are already exploring and give good sexual education Teenagers have to learn about the facts of ite but not only the negative themes of unwanted pregnancies, STDs and sexual ‘abuse, We shouldn't ignore the possible delights, historical back {grounds and social contexts. What they now learn about sex comes through the warnings of schools ‘and through insults of peers that are directed agains faggots, sis ses, sluts, whores and the lik. Young people are considered to be unable to consent to sex, but there seems to be no problem that they are forced to behave along preconceived and unrealistic mod: tls of gender and sexuality: tough uys who are sexual subjects land good gile who are passive ‘objects, Variation is often explicitly fejected and abhorred. Theyre denied their preferred expressions but forced into gender and sexual ‘nocmalty” Lessons about sex are good for discovery ofthe self and curiosity about others and also for under: standing what it means to be a ‘sexual ctizen, Sexuality not only atfects your deepest feelings but ‘also how to deal with sexual issues in families, in sport clubs, in schoo! yards, on strts and at work. I's better to teach youngsters as early as possible how to say yes instead ‘of noto sexual pleasures because ifthey know what they lke and how to say yes, they will also know how better to say no and reject insults oF ‘abusive proposals from family mem bers, peers or strangers. Fortis ‘eason | think a lower age of consent ‘could actually protect many. Because of age limits, young queers have great dificuty access: ing gay and lesbian bars, internet ses of organisations. despite desperately needing them. Unike children from ethnie minorities, thelr parents don’ give them examples of ‘gay and lesbian lite so they have to find them themselves, Teenagers need a good know ‘edge ofall matters to do with sex ‘and should be allowed to do what ‘comes naturally to them rather than have arbitrary ages of consent, We should foous on better prosecution (of Sexual abuse than consensual relations of youngsters with peers ‘or slightly older lovers. Let us celebrate youngsters sexual and gender diversity instead of forcing ‘outdated norms upon ther. sayties.couksays Stel) Drfelare)} director of Brook Advice. In 2000 the age of consent in Englana was equalised to 18 forall young people, gay or straight. | was involved In lobbying to get the law changed. ‘Through that tie | received a sizeable numberof abusive ema ‘and calls from those who oppose hhomosenvaity.| wil never forget the ‘Stonewall celebratory party where | talked toa fairly elderly man whose feelings and ove had once been ile gal" and he was so delighted the age fof consent was 16 and equal at last The age of consent should stay at 16 because the majority of young people and professionals suppor it Brook had direct contact with over £260,000 young people last year and evidence tells us that over two thirds ‘of young people walt until they are at least 16 betore they nave sex. ‘Any considerations about changing the law on age of consent mustin- volve young people over whether they want i changed. And I don't currently have evidence that they do, Ihave talked with young men and women — gay and straight ~as well as the pro saytines.couk DEBATE {essionals that work with them about the age of consent. The overwhelming | consensus isto leave it as itis itis a useful marker to create social norms ‘about sexual activity and sexual rla- The facts The age of consent in the UK is 16, tionships, as well as a good negotiat- regardless of "There re couse sre bus gender or sexual Firstly, those under 165 who are orientation. sexually active ~ where this is. genuinely consensual sex without any exploitation — must net be pros- fecuted. And let us be very clear, the Sexual Offences Act in England (2003) is not designed to criminal- ise these young people, although of course the law is a blunt tool and can be used badly. Under 185 must also have access to contraceptive ‘and sexual health services and feel confident using them, Secondly, as adits we must take responsibility for ensuring young people have the confidence and Skil to consent and take control ot their sexual choices. For this to be Possible there needs to be @ seismic The lowest age in Europe is 13 in Spain, with the highest being 18 in Malta and Turkey. “Romeo and Juliet” laws in Canada mean 14 or 15 year olds can have sex with a partner less than five years older, and 12 or 13 young people's sexually and sexual year olds can have development and how we educate sex with someone them about sex. Too many young less than two people tela protessional they are {gay to be met with cries of “let's find you a counselor” rather than post tive affirmation oftheir sexuality. All the evidence tells us that sex and re latlonships education focuses on the biological and is often exclusively or laegely heterosexual Lowering the age of consent probably won't help young people develop confidence in thei elation- ships and sesual choices soin my view itisnt helpful. Let's focus instead on challenging and changing ur culture to eracieate hornopho: bia, and making sure young people, whatever their sexualty, get good like Chile, still have ually sex and relationships educa | a different age of aaa | consent for gay and straight sex and some distinguish [Brook Advice gives youne ie Sel between lesbian feathetves em i and gay male sex. years older. The UK equalised the age of consent for gays, lesbians and straights at 16 in 2000 but Northern Ireland only lowered it from 18 in 2008. Some countries, confidence and se belt to make active choices about the sex they want and with whom, ibecause men and women will always be different Wellman® is a range of advanced supplements, tailored to the specific nutritional and lifestage requirements of men. Each product offers unique support to help you achieve optimum performance whether in the office, on the sports field or out on the town. So why not try the UK's No.1 supplement for men today? ~~ wellman ota vitamin 8 mineral srt mats nsond Wellman = Ic ECCS AN) Vitabiotics © sya las VITABIOTICS 4 rates Vasrn suppor may benolt ona nana) aie‘You might have miseed the fact watch Ru opening her post ‘Those with the following atiSCREEN Let Me In Cinema When you hearthat one of Sew CivOVO——_Hausleas oF The the most original, idiosyncratic horror movies. STC witboars alloy Of Ths of recent years has been remade, it's tempting xx tsicige Amar wasayusie to reach for the garlic. Fortunately, Let Me In is sn NYC?Check ‘lemme James an entcly faith, effective reteling of Let The Usminona.Cameunsoe. Right One In (2008), transposing its bleak Swed- Porsonainee ce Myacak Nausicaa Iah setting to snow-swept New Mexico. Iedtomesine = but The film depicts the touching, tragic friendship :T8S*"TR? letra scone between Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) alonely, chess sony” Sromantya saat bullied boy and Abby (Chi Moretz), a reclusive haniod motaphers? dosay Now outon Git caughtin an abusive relationship with her SM Naty tiaam “father” (Richard Jenkins) The twistis she's a cainncaces” Saas vampire, and daddy has to go out each night to wiht bow? imatrare mmurder her some supper. This revelation mat- wheat bt ters less to Owen than you might think iroretonslter FE DVO/Cnema ‘A story lke this lives or dles byits casting, oa == ignaiyace ‘and MePhee, who was so good In The Road, 's fetes eerie, elf, and heartbreakingly believable, _@y i ores while Moretz (Hit Girl in Kick Ass) brings dy Fieerusely engaging, fun wath inbinaingy ihe real edge and presence to the role of a lel who seems older than her years. Let Me In contains several sud- den, suspenseful moments of terror, but the film's horror ‘comes from the stomach- Sathorn clenching menace of the he heed mn oo locker-room bully, the lin- gering disquiet of an unhappy, broken home and the banality of Its drab, early-80s setting. many tes, anyway er The Girl Who Kicked The Horner's «Cinema The Millennium Trilogy ‘concludes with aneat cick. Initially meandering and downright leisurely paced it skflly knits strands from the preceding episodes into a tense series of climactic events, I's talkier and a lot less violent than the ‘opening chapters, but the perma: lowering Lisbeth Salander is more ‘convincingly flashed out. The queue ‘of shining knights trying to save her ‘grows ever longer as a background ‘character from previous entries steps inte the spotight. Ifyou haven't seen part two, the slightly disappointing The Gini Who Played with Fir, i wil make ltl sense, but for fan this ie ‘satisfying stuff indeed, Hmm Loose Cannone Cinema Set amidst the picturesque Italian countryside, Feman Ozpetek’s good natured farce combines ood, feuding aries and us. Tommaso (Riceardo Scamarcio) ries to out himself 0 his. ‘overbearing father, but his big brother beats him toi, and in the confusion ‘dad has a heart attack, So Tomasso has to play it straight and take over the famiy pasta business, But then his gay best friends artve forthe ‘weekend, and they've packed thelr ‘Munk... Sweet stuf, with a touching performance from laria Occhin as Tommaso's “loose cannon” grand- mother, butthe gaye get tiresome uick, and the hotehpoteh ending is @ disappointment mm sytimes co.ukCy i (’ Dare tv love: him! Ln Meas AAT UOO OUT NOW CdDead aT TET Hideous monsters chasing you through the heat - we'll let you decide whether we mean Sex and the City 2 or Predators as we let you loose on the GT Grid clumsy innuendo and mad-nunt couture ‘makes the insttutionlied ropression ddaiogue. zenegger classic has the clunky tea! brings an certain intent to proceed Inge, but deept a coupe of twats his ever CGI movie, but today, you stp int a muti without pping over cardboard standee of @ {eae to Pixar to show the est how It's done, with hie unexpectedly grip Now that Lifeboat, Phone Booth find Pani Room have used up the ‘obvious locations, Tes. butthe veriginous setting lends tot ars 3) woosings But pre lar he Have youseeN hen was young He ateep ng ‘pany and rest wes sing Tans reatang tm net to got ht byasucide intone rale rindbogaing| tuattoye any owe chatted up byonine Being rapped alone ‘ys and rag dl coos totay fim, agar? HD The simplest {ideas are usually the best, and What could be mare straightfor- ward than air trafic contro? (Brain surgery and artificial insemination excepted). Now out on PSS, this |Phone hit hae you draw paths to guide planes towards colour coded runways, The crisp, colourtul graphics look great in HD, anc the departure lounge muzak gives ‘jaunty feel to even the worst mid-air colision. Best of al, Flight Control supports Move, Sony's new wwaggle-wand, There's also a 3D ‘mode — OK the telly wil cost you a ‘grand or so, but the game's under £4, so quit your bitchin’ Now know row my THIS is why they ruched lon Naas. trcamparison wth mnecty.tdsnt My alone wo. DBepto ‘ef genure Theclose-upot sage pang er panisiemindesme andthe fetta lat apanese 127 Hours, bt ‘eommats atop, sytimes co.ukAt the age of 21 James Mason is jumping in at the deep end with his first acting role. As teenager Chris Pappas he’s playing the first major gay character in the 25-year-history of Aussie soap Neighbours. No pressure then. Did the producers tell you from the very start that Chie was go- Ing to be gay? Yeah that’s corect, | spoke to my agency and they said | bad an ausition for Neighbours and the characteris gay, $0 | would be playing the frst male gay charac- ter on Neighbouts. So said yeah ‘and it sounded pretty unique and luckily enough | got the role. Ws a pretty major thing for Neighbours —the first proper gay ‘character they've had, Is that a lot of pressure? Definitely getting an ‘opportunity to do something 60 pre- cous you want to take as much time and effort to geting itright because you only get one chance and people ‘will remember that, especialy as i's such a diferent thing, ‘What guidelines, hints or tips did anyone give you to play 99y? Alot oft was realy through ‘my own interpretation and | sup- ose | got alt of help trom the script. Some ofthe sexpt writers Who wrote it themselves went through similar experiences, sot was good to get genuine know! edge written inthe script ‘So what's the public reaction been like In Australia? I'm so saytnes.couk pleased at the reaction. Soar it's been almost 99.9% postive. | personally havent heard any nega tive feedback, which fe good, and it ‘can only show that people ae king what's going on. {Are you finding that more guys are hitting on you now? No, | haven't ‘actually and ci think that could be a factr.| get more people approaching ime in the street and asking questions lke ifm really gay What do you say when they say ‘are you really gay?” | say no and I'm actually straight, some people are pleased and some people arent pleased It's aleo quite good that the ‘characteris into sports and that Chris doesn't appear to bea ‘stereotype. Well think that people {gt too caught up wih stereotypes ‘andit can be inappropriate. Itcan ‘also come across as being not real ‘as itdoesn' necessarily mean that all gay people ar tke that Because the characteris into ‘sports does that mean that you ‘spend a lot of time working ‘out? I play Australian football so ''m quite sporty myself but when itcomes to basketball Im actually not too flash and| probably need to work on my basketball skils a bit more, Chris hae a crush on his friend Andrew ~ does that evolve into anything between you? Yeah it doesnt really workout in Chris's favour and Andrew, being a straight male who hasn't had any gay tends, doesnt rally know how to take it Will you know what the gays say, “the difference between a gay man and a straight man is four pints of lager”. You can try that ‘one on Andrew. Is Chris going to get a boyfriend do you think? It depends on the reactions here in Australia and the UK. it also de- ends on the network and what the network want to allow. Unfortunately itis a sensitive topic and there are ‘scenes that can't be shown espe- Co] oe Saree) 10) ES 5 aE err aa oeMessy Little Raindrops That nmand Vom difficult-second-album-by-someone-going-solo- aN sore from-one-of-the-biggest-groups-of-the-moment. B25 wsrain = Lets then, for a second, compare this to Rachel "darker ana Stevens’ masterpiece Come And Get It. It's better than the first album. It's more electro ‘and pop. There's a definite 80s theme running throughout. Actually, we have to stop there tary conver ot because Chery's offering Is covered with rap. Detas re ney There are some brilliant, briliant moments ‘t= ewdnan fon Messy Little Raindrops (see Waiting, which tseaecate Aphrodite Kylle fans will probably explode ‘iscos mmm ‘over, and Yeah Yeah) but more often just when the tunes really get going up pops some unnecessary rapper. The only exception is ‘when Cheryl herself raps on the album's best track, Let's Get Down, which is obviously fabulous. Not that it's exactly shoddy to be working with people like Dizzee Rascal and Wil..am, ‘even if it does make you sound too much like Black Eyed Peas. Elsewhere there's vocoders and hints of rock, i's all very Cher (that’s the good Cher, not the Mrs Overall one on X Factor). It's an almost perfect pop album - we can even excuse some of the dodgy lyrics. Fingers crossed album three Is going to be the gay electro classic we're all waiting for. Poor Rachel ssyimes 00k Black Hole fate auger ch atesteseun pa Insatiable She of ot indecipherable accent and "The Voice" of Girls Aloud, has finally emerged from the music industry widerness since Britain's best girl band felinto ‘coma, and is unleashing her solo effort exclusively to Tasco shoppers to buy along with loaves of bread and ‘Munch Bunch yogurts. Those lungs are stil in full working order, and Coyle rather dramatically storms through the tracks with a mixture of bolshy bravado and sensitive crooning. I's all perfectly pleasant, and probably worth the cash along with your weekly shop, But wo'e stil secretly wishing that [Nicola Roberts had released an album first though, ~. | osicueRr(. co) NV crenem aceite: © - cohol or having stimulants ike nicotine when you do dropoff, there are four distinct phases of sleep which ‘ean be seen by monitoring brain wave patterns. Firstly you feel drow- ind become sy, you can get jerking limbs (knows ‘as myoclonic jerks) and hallucina tions. Our muscle tone drops as does ‘ur heart rate and breathing rate, ‘Ourbrain waves change from alpha waves (seen when awake) to theta waves. We lose consciousness, Next our brain waves change ~ we have no awareness ofthe environ- ‘ment. Then you enter deep slow wave sleep. This s where sleep- walking, sleep-talking and night terrors can occur ‘The fourth phase is REM or Rapid Eye Movement Sleep ~so called because our eyes tick ‘around, Our brains are incredibly active but we are paralysed. This is when we dream. The dreams can be incredibly realistic but the ‘body patalysis means we can't act them out. REM sleep makes up about 25% of our sleep. We move through these four stages through the night and oscillate be- tween REM and Deep Sleep four to five times a night [And to answer the age-old question How much sleep you need depends fon your genes, age and gender, but the average is six to eight hours. It you are stuggling o get enough, there are alot of simple things you ‘can do to improve your sleep ~see the box on the right fr my top tps. It that al fas then there are arange: of treatments available, Firstly there are complementary therapies, such as scented pillows using herbs. Medical treatments include relaxs- tion techniques, psychological coun- selling and Cognitive Behavioural “Therapy ~ usetul for dealing with your anxieties, understanding your thought patterns, and changing your thinking, Finally there are a number of drugs available on prescription. Some are very useful for short-term use EG to (get over jtlag. Some are for longer term use. They do have side-etfects ‘and not all of them sult everyone. Your GP can advise you The most important thing isi you ‘are suffering from insomnia, then dont suffer in silence, Go and get help. There's lots of tout there! mt ‘aytines.co ukGTSTORE POWERED BY www.prowler.co.uk Htyou haven't thought about Christmas gifts this year, don't worry, you can rest assured we have. No matter who's on your list, we can help you find the perfect Christmas gift. From hot calendars, festive DVDs, exclusive designer underwear to hilarious Secret Santa fun, we have it all! Check pee © outour full range now at wwww.prowler.co.uk Yuletide Gay DVD” 29.99 | Puffy The Eye Bag Slayer Revitalising Eye Mask £3.00 OUCH! Morning After Cool Pack £5.99 Diese! 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I's a shame that traditional dishes like the latter are stil not popular choices, despite the revival of interest in British food, because they really can be excellent. Roast beef (£14.50) arrives with a Yorkshire pud and crispy roasties - very nice. The roast ‘option varies each day, with lamb, pork and duck on offer, depending on when you visit. We also tried fish and chips (£13.50), fine if a litte soggy in the crumb-coating department. ‘Things perked up with home-made vanilla ice ‘cream and shortbread (£4.50) and an apple ‘crumble (£5.75) with a topping to rival mums. Canteen delivers good, filing food but Isa bit bog-standard at times. We know there’s a recession on, but can't pizzazz be free? And with four branches already and Its own British cook book on sale, we hope It concentrates on food quality rather than “business development” in the future. Baker Street, London, W1 and three other locations In the capital, canteen.co.uk, 0845 686 1122. There are some occasions when only good old-fashioned traitional British fare will do, and where better to expet- fence it than at England's number fone fish and chip shop? All the food is reshly cooked to order and the chips are fried in beef cripping ‘The battered cod, chips, mushy peas and homemade tartar sauce (85) is areal teat vith thick wete tender flakes of ish in ight exispy {golden batter. You can also tuck Into hearty cassics lke sausage ‘and homemade mash ora famous Mad O'Rourkes pie. For the more health conscious they offer afresh ‘seasonal menu including a delicious sealood chowder (24.50). Broadway Plaza, Birmingham, 0121 456 5955. ‘Since opening in 2007, Mya Lacarte has picked up a slew ‘of honours including 50th place in the auspicious National Restaurant Awards 2010, And its co-owner, Yasmina Siadatan, famously won last year’s Apprentice. Not bad going ‘The menu is fabulous: Bricham crab, Hampshite beet carpaccio (£6.50) and Witshire lamb (€18.95) make regular appearances. Autumn stand- outs include stutfed pheasant breast land a caramaliced apple canele, “There is also a good-value set menu, (Quay, ethical and seasonal food served beautiuly. Prospect Street, CCaverstiam, Reading, 0118 9463 400, syalacarte.co.uk stil ou favourite London pub for food, the Coach and Horses is tun by a charm: Ing, weleorning couple who are pas: sionate about quality ingredients and ‘keto see them eerved simply. The ‘menu is entirely unpretentious and refreshingly free of pub food clichés ‘You can snack on the best scotch egg youll ever taste (£3.95) and chips in the bar o tuck ito a confit breast of lamb (£13.95) in the main restaurant It's somewhere you'd never discover unless you had been told about it, but will alvays retutn to, Ray Street, Lon don, EC1, 020 7278 8990, thecoach- andhorses.com sayties.coukChristmas food‘The welcoming committee at Vancouver's Rocky Mountaineer terminus had been waiting a long time, They expected to greet us at the end of one of Canada’s most ilustious travel experiences seven hours earlier, but somewhere past the thundering Hell's Gate waterfall we had come toa standstill | feel almost treacherous for men: tioning it. Breakdowns on the Rocky Mountaineer occur so rarely, and in the company’s 20-year history the problem that had immobilised our ‘rain —a faulty sensor on the track that had interfered withthe laco- motives reset suitch —had never happened before, But happen it did ‘and | mention it partly due tothe way the company dealt with what could 50 ‘easily have turned into a crisis and partly because ofthe response of thei passengers I's fairto say thet the Rocky Mountaineer attracts alot ‘of customers of advanced years, the kin of people not shy in coming fo ‘ward to register their complaints. Yet, despite being trapped in an Alpine wilderness for clase to fll work- ing day — and despite rumours that the company’s CEO was on board availabe to take the full brunt of any iscontent~ I barely heard a squeak of discord, Infact, whan the train's ‘manager came round afering com pensation, the majority tuned it down, expressing complete satisfaction We'd been kept preoccupied by an army of onboard attendants provid ing a stream of witty banter, party games and an endless supply of refreshments, The kitchen below our GoldLeat Dome Coach had mustered Lupa delicious emergency meal and brought ito our seats, Outside was a grandiose landscape that, if you were going to pick a place to get stranded, would be atthe top of many a place: to-get-stranded ls. Ithad started two days earlier, back across the Continental Divide at Banff, staying at Faimont’s Chateau Lake Louise hotel. Bant isthe fst place | ever travelled to independ: ently as a teenager. Back then, con a more restricted budget, had ‘camped in the woods of the Bantf National Park and drove a battered Honda Civic along the Iefields Park \way, not immodestly promoted as “the most beautiful road in the worl | had cooked beans over a camplia, instead of having bison tenderloin ‘cooked for me in the gentleman's, Club-tke atmosphere ofthe Cha- teau's wood-panelled Wallser Stube restaurant. And | had eyed the cam: around’ "Beware of Bears” sigh as more of a promise than a warning. It as a promise unfulfilled. Today, | ‘am wiser | have been on safaris and ‘cuba dives and know that willfa doesn’ always oblige; that you can hang around acacia trees, know. ing them to be the preferred diet of iratfes, and never get a glimpse; or ential; it's a retreat favoured by the stars after all, But being true profes: sionals, none ofthe staff would re peat any names. Although we heard ‘murmurings of GT favourite Heather ‘Small performing there a couple of years ago. “Travel details trom ¢700 per person pls VAT ar incues ‘rcv uno te caste, te compate slit luna, attemoontaa ad inet Reema tominute dive om Mick apt (gost be cette ae dropped ef again, ‘Probably bya Range oer, when i aczes- ‘Siettom Eaneuigh and Aberseen atpons combckergitoner corns