“I went “I was com- “After a

abroad my plaining to first date, I

junior year my friend decided it
of college about some- was okay
to Florence, one I was see- to let the guy
Italy. My ing. I kinda drive me
boyfriend went off… home. In his
came to visit talking about car, I saw
me. We how annoy- a stuffed
stayed in ing he was animal
a hostel and that he strapped in a
and took a wasn’t even seat belt in
shower that cute his backseat.
“I met this cute guy one night together.
There was a
and how he
had a habit of
I asked what was
going on, and
and gave him my number. I chair in the always nod- he said it was a
shower, and ding his head. high school
must’ve had one too many while we were My phone was graduation gift
drinks because I gave him my having sex on
it…it broke off
open to our
texts, and I acci-
from his sister
and he’s had it in
brother’s cell! (My brother’s and the wall! Before dentally every car he’s
we knew it, recorded a voice owned. He was
my number are the same except we were both note to him! He 27! I then said,
for the last digit.) I woke up on the ground,
laughing
heard every-
thing I said and
‘Okay, but why is
it strapped in
to an embarrassing text from hysterically,
with scrapes
replied, ‘WTF.’
I felt so bad!
like a child?’ He
said, ‘I’m not
my brother about a random on our backs. Safe to say, going to let her
Oops.” that’s the last just roll around!’”
guy flirting with him.” —RAFAELLA P., 22 time we spoke.” —JOCELYN S., 24
—LAUREL H., 23, TELEVISION PRODUCER, NEW YORK, NY —NICOLE D., 24

I hooked up with a dude in the back of my car, and for some reason, we decided to
turn the car off but leave the music playing and one of the doors slightly open. When we were
finished, the car wouldn’t start! We had killed the battery. We had to sit there in awkward silence for the
tow truck. Not to mention, it was January and freezing outside!” —LEXI G., 24

C O S M O P O L I TA N J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 8

21
 “I was a member of my school’s dance
team. Girls kept having trouble with a
halter top that was falling down. On
opening night, my friends and family
were in the audience. During the show,
I heard a snap. My top had fallen down,
and I was flashing everyone. I ran
offstage, tied the straps, and leaped
back on with a smile.” —OLIVIA W., 19, STUDENT, STANFORD, CT

“We were
set up on a
blind date.
The guy
and I met for
coffee and
had a great
conversation.
After the sec-
ond date, I
brought him
back to my
place, and we
had hot sex. All
was going well
until he started
to climax. It
was accompa-
nied by loud,
loud moans and
his screaming
‘Ooooh yeah’ as
he came. A short
time later, I
sneezed and
heard my neigh-
bor through the
wall say, ‘Bless
you.’ I was morti-
fied and never
invited him back
again.”
—AMBER S., 25

CELEB CONFESSION “At an event, I saw Chance the Rapper with some friends taking a photo. I thought it

C O S M O P O L I TA N J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 8

22
 TOO FUNNY!

Dates From Hell “I met this guy

at a bar, and
he asked me
to dinner the
next night.
He picked a
restaurant close
to his house and
told me to meet
him at his place
“He was late first. When I got
to the bar, there, he was
but I waited. pre-gaming
He showed with a bottle in
up and hand. I asked
talked about why he was
himself the aggressively
whole time. drinking, and he
The bartender said he didn’t
came over and want to have to
asked if we pay for ‘stupid
wanted drinks, girly cocktails.’
and the dude Then he tried
presented a to make me take
Groupon shots so I
voucher. Usually, wouldn’t order
I love discounts, drinks at dinner.
but not on a To make things
first date. At the odd when he “It was going well until he worse, he
end, he took out asked me to got too drunk
a package from pick him up, but I came over afterward and I before we even
his bag. He gave him the was showing him my left and ended
unwrapped it benefit of the up passing out
and said, doubt. When bedroom. He saw the printed “Soon after at 8:30, the time
‘They’re dates I got there, he cat pillow on my bed, the presiden- of our reserva-
for our date.’ said he needed tial election, I tion. I took the
At this point, I to go to the pointed to it, and said, ‘That went on a rest of the bot-
told him I had bank to deposit thing would scare any guy date with a tle and went to
a friend emer- money. We then guy who dinner with a
went to a coffee
away.’ Who says that to immediately friend instead.”
gency. I thought
he’d get the shop, where someone they just met?! After wanted to —LAUREN H., 21
he quoted mov- know if I fol-
point, but the that, I knew he wasn’t a lowed politics.
next day, he ies the whole
e-mailed me time! I had my keeper. No one’s gonna judge Then he asked,
‘Do you under-
and said he had mom call me me on my pillow choices. stand what’s
a voucher for with a fake crisis
a comedy show so I could bail.” Boy, bye.” going on?’ When
—SARAH V., 26 I assured him I
if I wanted —NICOLE K., 21
was up to speed,
to come. I told
he responded
him I wasn’t
with ‘Oh, so you
interested.”
know about the
—KAY A., 30
two parties and
who ran?’”
—NIKKI K., 21

C O S M O P O L I TA N J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 8

23
 TOO FUNNY!

Expectation vs. Reality

Smooching the LIAM HEMSWORTH Swearing off Fireball
one you love AND MILEY CYRUS shots forever

Midnight,
Jan. 1, 2018

Warm-and- JENNIFER Wake me up

cozy cute LOPEZ when it’s spring.

H E M S W O R T H , C Y R U S , S M A L L S , W O R K I N G O N YO U R FI T N E S S R E A L I T Y: B AU E R G R I F FI N O N L I N E .C O M . M I D N I G H T R E A L I T Y: A L A M Y S T O C K
P H O T O. T EI G E N , LO P E Z : S P L A S H N E W S . YO U R W I N T E R A E S T H E T I C R E A L I T Y, E A R LY- M O R N I N G E R R A N D R U N R E A L I T Y: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
Your Winter
Aesthetic

It’s not Early-Morning

loungewear.
It’s a #Look. Errand Run

JOAN Lift, chew,

SMALLS roll over,
repeat.

Working
on Your
Fitness

Lift,
balance,
CHRISSY stretch,
TEIGEN repeat.

C O S M O P O L I TA N J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 8

24
©2018 L’Oréal USA, Inc.
 TOO FUNNY!

#CanYouNot Crazy
Situation
Working
Your Last
Nerve?
Vent
Here!

1 2
“It bothers me
when someone
walks up next
to me and hits
the elevator or
crosswalk button.
I’m not just
standing here for
fun. #PetPeeve”
—@VONBAER, VIA
TWITTER

“People are doing

yoga in the airport
in the middle of
the boarding
area.... #ICant”

3 4
—@GBERG88, VIA
TWITTER

“Dear fellow gym

goer who chose

# C A N YO U N O T E N T R I E S M AY H AV E B E E N E D I T E D F O R L E N G T H , C O N T E N T, O R C L A R I T Y.
to forgo hand
washing after
bathroom time....
1 2 3 4 Ya nasty. Get back
in there. It’s cold
Not Okay… Comfy, Dude? Really? Ugh... season.”
“When I ask for “Sure, why “#CanUNot “Is this supposed —@SOPHISTICAIT18,
VIA TWITTER
a large fries, not use a table communicate to calm people
open the bag, as a bed? only with emoji down while “Men, when has
and this #CanYouNot” and actually they wait? This an unsolicited
is what I get…? —@MOLLY
SHINGLETON,
send a word looks horrifying. dick pic actually
#Why” VIA TWITTER or two in #Dentist” worked???
—@1KUNAI,
VIA TWITTER
response??!!!” —@MARKMAUSZ,
VIA TWITTER
Why do y’all do it?”
—JILL S., —@LAURYNFL,
VIA INBOX VIA TWITTER

GOT A GRIPE? Tweet or ’gram what’s bugging you with a photo (hashtag: #CanYouNot) or e-mail
Inbox@Cosmopolitan.com (subject: #CanYouNot). You might see your handle here!

C O S M O P O L I TA N J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 8

26
©2018 L’Oréal USA, Inc.