Revised Book Proposal

Summary of Feedback

The feedback for my proposal was helpful and touched some major key points that even I
noticed when reviewing it again. One of the editors focused on bringing more of myself and
emotion into the proposal. Considering the fact that the story is about love and emotions, it
makes sense to get the editor to feel the emotions that I want them to experience while
reading my book. It was also mentioned that I should omit phrases like “I think” and doing
this will make me sound more confident as a writer and about my story. I wasn’t sure if I
should keep it more informal or formal in this situation. I’m so used to writing academic work
focusing on arguments and the best ways to frame them. Sometimes it’s a bit difficult
getting out of that mindset.

I failed to include headings in my proposal as well. I wasn’t sure if that was a hard
requirement or not so I ultimately chose not to use them. This was mentioned in both
reviews. I understand that it would have helped with understanding and identifying specific
parts of the proposal. I assumed it would be understood that I was following the template,
but I can’t assume the editor or reader understands my choices as I do. Other specifications
included providing a time and setting for the story. It would make the story more well-
rounded and give the reader a better understanding of the atmosphere in the story. This
could also translate to my title. One of the editors mentioned that while the current title
gives the reader a broad sense of what the story is about, it left him wondering too much.
This could be a negative aspect because a potential reader may not be drawn in enough
based on the simple title. A subtitle would clear up the confusion, if any, and grab more of
the readers attention.

Description of Revisions

The first thing I revised was the title. I chose to keep For Family, For Love and included a
subtitle with it Love in a War-torn Country. It’s a simple revision and probably wouldn’t be
the last. I moved on to revise the hook. In an attempt to give more context, I included the city
and country the story is set in. I named the tribe in which the story is taking place also. More
details regarding what religion and the reasons why the war started was included in the
revised description following the hook. I added some clarification on what the goal of the
book is at the end of the description.

Since audience is one of the most important aspects of writing a book and publishing, I tried
to broaden my idea of what the book’s audience would be. The book wouldn’t only be sold
in the young adults section, so I basically included the audience for specific parts of the
book. Some people may be interested in the culture aspect of the book, the religious aspect,
the love, and so on. I made sure to include headings for the reader as well.
Explanation of Goals and Decisions

My overall goal with my revisions was to add more detail and draw the reader in a bit more.
This was the consensus that I got from the feedback.

A subtitle was added with the title because it draws the reader in more by providing them
with a clear explanation of what they can expect from the book. I understand that the
original title was interesting, but a bit vague. As mentioned before, it could probably use
more work and future work on the book would may change it completely. For now, I believe
the addition is a positive change.

I really liked my hook and description. I didn’t want to change it much. But I did realize that
there wasn’t much to it. Very little background and context. I added a physical setting to the
hook and tribe names for a concrete connection to the real world. The city and country is a
real place and the tribes are real and active in that part of the country. Personally, whenever
I hear a story about real people or place I go right to Google to search and see what the
people looked like and what the places look like. This addition adds clarity regarding the
people, culture, and geography. This was further backed up by the description of the book. I
realized that I needed to explain why the fighting began and who is on what side.

One of the feedback documents mentioned the fact that even though The Twilight Saga
was read most by young adults, there were people in their 20s and 30s who read the books
as well. My audience was originally very limited. When I think of books sold in the young
adults section, I mainly think about teenagers. It would be a disservice to myself as the
writer and the book if I only thought of them as readers of my book. I wanted to make sure I
included those who we don’t typically assume would read a book such as this one. The book
relates to culture, religion, and family dynamics among other things. All people deal with
issue in these areas at all stages and ages of their lives. My revision to the audience is an
attempt to be more inclusive.

My final revision was to add headings. This seemed to be a negative impact on the proposal
based on the feedback. I want the readers or editors to be able to follow the proposal the
way it should be, with little confusion. Clear sections can help them better understand what
I’m trying to say.

Ideal publisher

For Family, For Love: Love in a War-torn Country could be characterized as a young adult
novel. The backgrounds of the main characters in the book are Africans so it could be
characterized as a book for people of the same community or the African-American
community. I would say Penguin Random House or Soho Press would be a good fit as a
publisher. Most of the books I read published by these companies have some of the same
themes as my story.

Soho, for example, has a number of authors who write stories for not just everyone, but
stories that also tell the black experience. Edwidge Danticat is a great representation of my
opinion here. Most of her stories are about personal identity in black communities and
dealing with tough decisions as it relates to that. My story has the same type of theme. It
seems that this particular company has published a number of books that focus on real
experiences and how people get through them.

The title and subtitle of your book

The title of my book is For Family, For Love and its subtitle is Love in a War-torn Country.
The main title gives the reader a overall idea of what the book will be about and the subtitle
gives a brief explanation of what connection is being made with family and love. All writing
is never really finished which means that all titles could always be made better. However, I
believe the title I have chosen will get readers interested. The use of words family and love
are relatable to most people and often times may get the reader to wonder how the story is
going to play out for both sides.

Description of the proposed book

Hook

A young man and woman fall in love in war-torn Accra, Ghana. A war in which their families
are fighting against each other because of differing religious beliefs and the young couple is
forced to either turn their backs on family or continue tradition as sworn enemies.

Description

The story follows a couple who meet not knowing the other was raised in their rival tribe.
What was once whole broke into two after their Muslim religious leader unexpectedly died.
They were once all simply Hausa, not separated by north and south. Tensions rose when the
people had to decide who they would follow. Differing opinions forced them to take sides
and a war began. The people would now be known as Northern Hausa and Southern Hausa.
One tribe split into two.

The woman’s tribe, Northern Hausa, believes that the other, Southern Hausa, has given into
secular beliefs, idolizing man which goes against their overall belief that there is no other like
their God. The southern tribe believes that northerners are a judgemental society that
considers them lower class and therefore not worthy of respect. For years they have been
at odds and the time in which the couple meets, it seems to be the peak of the war. They do
their best to keep their love a secret from their friends and family, but it is becoming
increasingly more difficult after a member of the woman’s tribe is killed by someone from
her lovers tribe. They are faced with the decision to either fight against each other or fight
for each other.
The book has intense aspects of a religious war and its intensity is an attempt to stray away
from a typical love story. The couple has to deal with a real issue that has a direct affect on
the future of their relationship with each other and those with their respective families.
Loyalty is a very important in their communities and the wrong decision could have a
lasting, negative impact. Even though their story is unique, at its core, it deals with the idea
that couples have to fight for their love to some degree. The goal is to get the reader to
think about how far they would go and fight for love.

Target audience

The target audience for the book would be the young adults reader community, culture and
history buffs, romance enthusiasts, and those who can relate to the idea of making difficult
decisions between their passions. The audience is not limited to a certain age, race, gender,
religious backgrounds. The story is one that can be told in a different time, country, and
under different circumstances. It is a love story that intends to get the reader to think about
what they would do in the same situation or how it could relate to their own lives.

Survey of related titles (“the competitive landscape”)

The author, Sister Souljah, wrote a novel published by Pocket Star called Midnight: A
Gangster Love Story. It follows a young man from Sudan who moved to New York as a child
with his pregnant mother. He is forced to grow up rather quickly because he is the only male
present to take care of his Muslim family. When he is around 16 he meets a Japanese girl
who works in the same area as himself. She speaks no English and he doesn’t speak
Japanese. Despite not being able to communicate properly, the fall in love and are
determined to be together. Her family is completely against the relationship, but his mother
is very accepting of her. The two adamantly defy her family’s wishes and continue their
relationship, but they hit a roadblock when the young girl is sent back to her home in Japan.
The climax of this story comes when the young man has decide if he will go to Japan and
fight for his love or stay home and let her move on. My story definitely has the same type of
theme as this authors story. The difference between the two are that the couple aren’t
burdened by not being able to communicate because they are essentially from the same
place. The intensity of the fighting in the story is different as well and for those living in
country such as the one in the story, this type of love story could be a real possibility. It
brings the character into what may be a new world for them, but there is a sense of realness
to it.

Following the same theme, author Ken Follett wrote a book titled A Column of Fire. It does
have quite a bit of similarities to my story. He tells the story of a young man and women
who are forbidden to be together because of their differing religions. A bloody war is
keeping them apart from each other, but their love is so strong that they are considering the
unthinkable and that is to leave their fighting families behind in order to be happy with one
another. Both stories are about a religious war keeping lovers apart. One main difference is
the race of the characters in the story. As I am sure there are probably thousands of books
that tell stories such as this set in an African country or in an African-American community, I
have not found a large number of them in the books that I have found. The types of
characters in both books have a different experience. For Family, For Love seeks to show
how the “other side” lives and represent them in an accurate way.

Edwidge Danticat’s The Farming of Bones is also a good example of a related title. In it is the
story of a Haitian girl who moved to the Dominican Republic seeking a better life than the
one in her home. While there she meets a man who she intends to marry, but their plans a
derailed when genocidal violence breaks out. She is forced to return to Haiti. The story
chronicles her experience of finding love and building a better life for herself and how
violence has forced to lose everything she had. While there is the element of a love story,
the characters in it are not faced with fighting each other. One is not forced to fight against
the other family. The angle of the story I’m writing is quite different from this example for
this reason. I think the fact that the couple has nowhere to flee to as in The Farming of
Bones brings a bit more intensity to the story. They are forced to confront the issue and
that’s what makes it so difficult for them and makes the story seem more intense.

Brief Outline of Book

For the most part, the book will be written in chronological order. It will start with a brief
history of the war between the two tribes and give the reader an idea about why the main
character’s families are against each other. The book will continue in this way switching
from the male character’s point of view to the female character. Periodically, there will be
flashbacks to key moments in the character’s pasts. These moments are important because
it makes the decision harder for the couple. Family members have been hurt and killed on
both sides. I would like the reader to feel the intensity of the decision just as much as the
characters.

Table of Contents

Part 1

Chapter 1: Breakaway - Death of Community Leader

Chapter 2: The Rebels - A Rebellion Begins
Chapter 3: Turning Point - Battle of Two Leaders
Chapter 4: Lost Ones - Death in a Family

Part 2

Chapter 5: Bazaar District - The First Meeting

Chapter 6: Secrets - A Forbidden Love
Chapter 7: Ritual - Together Discreetly
Chapter 8: Secrets Revealed - Discovery and a Death in the Family
Part 3

Chapter 9: Locked Away - Missed Meeting

Chapter 10: Underground - Reconnecting Lovers
Chapter 11: Family - Battling Tribes
Chapter 12: Love - Lover’s Choice

Design and Special Features

This book will be hardcover with a paper book jacket. The title and author’s name will also
be printed onto the actual book cover and spine. The book jacket will also include an about
the author section. It will be around 200 pages depending on editing. The book will be a
typical 5 x 8 trim size. The cover image will be of the side profile silhouettes of a woman and
man facing each other. The title will be centered between the two. Authors name will be
below the image and title. The color scheme of the book jacket will be red, grey, and black.
There won’t be any images within the book. It will consist of written content only.

About the Author

Tiffany Davis is an Arkansas native who grew up in a very religious southern black family.
She had a rough start to life living with a mother who was lovestruck by a drug addict. At
age 9 she was adopted by her grandmother who committed to raising and molding her into
what she considered to a the perfect example of a woman. In her teen years she had a hard
time dealing with the tug of war between being a “good girl” and wanting the follow the
crowd. This followed her into adulthood until she made one of the biggest decisions in her
life. She married a Muslim man from Ghana, Africa at 22. He was not the man her family
would have chosen for her. It only lasted two years, but those years were the most
formative of her life. She went from one controlling family to being the wife of man who
ruled with an ironfist. When it was evident her marriage was over she made the decision to
choose what she wanted for herself. She left home and didn’t look back. She hopes that her
story will help others make those tough decisions in their lives with positivity and little regret.