BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART 

SYMPTOM FAULT ACTION

Glass being held at Rotate glass so that open
Feet cold and wet.
incorrect angle. end points toward ceiling.
Stand next to nearest dog,
Feet warm and wet. Improper bladder control. complain about house
training.
Beer unusually pale and Get someone to buy you
Glass empty.
tasteless. another beer.
Opposite wall covered with You have fallen over Have yourself leashed to
fluorescent lights. backward. bar.
Mouth contains cigarette
You have fallen forward. See above.
butts.
Mouth not open, or glass
Beer tasteless, front of your Retire to restroom,
applied to wrong part of
shirt is wet. practice in mirror.
face.
You are looking through Get someone to buy you
Floor blurred.
bottom of empty glass. another beer.
Find out if you are being
Floor moving. You are being carried out.
taken to another bar.
Room seems unusually Confirm home address
Bar has closed.
dark. with bartender.
Taxi suddenly takes on Beer consumption has
colorful aspect and exceeded personal Cover mouth.
textures. limitations.
Everyone looks up to you You are dancing on the Fall on somebody cushy-
and smiles. table. looking.
It's water. Somebody is
Beer is crystal-clear. Punch him.
trying to sober you up.
Apologize to everyone you
Hands hurt, nose hurts,
You have been in a fight. see, just in case it was
mind unusually clear.
them.
Don't recognize anyone,
You've wandered into the
don't recognize the room See if they have free beer.
wrong party.
you're in.
Your singing sounds Have more beer until your
The beer is too weak.
distorted. voice improves.
Don't remember the words
Beer is just right. Play air guitar.
to the song.