Been off the radar for a while even I started to wonder what I have been upto.

Busy crossing thresholds these days!

Don’t you wonder if threshold could have an extra ‘h’ like pinterest could make more sense
with an extra ‘in’.

But all of these unyielding thoughts were worth a quarter when these were just words (not
the latter but).

Words when turn to existing scenarios, phonetics by far is least of the concerns.Thresholds
are no longer a word.

And it is exhaustively and beguilingly silent, the ever roaring monstrous sea of ambition in
my gut. A lull which I would happily agree to if it is the one before the storm but this isn’t.
The glaring flame of overturning the world counter clock-wise on its axis is surprisingly low
these days. I guess its the summer or the erratic monsoons.

Or the ‘PGS’-post graduation stress. And the threshold is its official symptomatic alarm.
Cross it,it says!

I wonder who first came up with them?

The Aryans maybe,who apparently labelled everything into neatly stacked compartments
,separate for dirty and clean laundry!The four stages of human life which sort of
accommodated its way into today’s modern approach , a bit more relaxed in time frames but
still constraining.

Am I against framing time and bracketed life phases? Of course, I am supposed to rebel
against any social claims and age-old paradigms, I am 23.

Already in the post threshold zone,I should be practicing my maneuvers for the next two
years .After which I should be settled and layered with concrete to support a family on. Here
I am still whining about starting to think. Preposterous!

Hey! this is no obligation,but.

We have all the success stories of great people beginning their careers post a lot of
conventional threshold limits but all that seemed real fruity a month ago in college, now it
tastes like cardboard. Spending a while at home after a fancy graduation is a very
illuminating experience. A sudden rush of reality settles on that diaphragm, like an ounce of
mercury.

They say the youth today ,very little patience. However virtuous it may sound the word
when implied in terms of indecisive youth loses a bit of that sanctity.

Patient youth/indecisive bum,here has its own price to pay like handling that look of
uncertainty, threats of bearing all responsibility for your own risks, delayed performance of
social duties, shirked family obligations.Not that this is too hard to bear ,a lot of young
people face a lot more than ideological conflicts per se in their lives but you know like
Einstein said ‘you have got your problems,I have mine.’

Fear,another stimulating factor prohibiting the sacramental crossing is raising its hands like
an over prepared kid in class.Fear of what? Fear of not falling into the pristine order, fear of
failing,of not taking down the fortress of ambition you’ve been dreaming of, fear of not living
up to expectations which your body language somehow emitted like cosmic rays and were
imprinted on the minds of your peers and relatives of thy neighbors. Nevertheless Fear it is.

Inertia,always very fond of the word. Who’d not cherish a scientific explanation to lethargy
and non responsive behavior. But here it gets serious. Inertia is a deadly state of incessant
addiction to remain in the lowest state of energy and to not nudge from there. All this while I
was an independent bohemian chic wannabe-no responsibility of action – rich in the
beginning of the month and still sustainable by the end of it-luxuriously ignorant of
exceedingly parasite like dependence on family money-busy making to do lists of Kafkas
and Nietzsches- obliviously inclined and indulged in harmless flirting and obscenely internet
occupied. And today I am a graduate and it is time to execute. Its not that straining all
together I have earned some time leveraging my unpreparedness against it for a while and
all the above mentioned paraphernalia remains the same.

But the precincts have change. Like the wallpaper has been swiped clean and all those
scattered folders are significantly conspicuous. Suddenly that hidden insecurity and puzzle
about what the next step is going to be ,is a part of the daily news. Everybody can make out
that you have no plan B. And the worst part about having no plan B is that others would
start making them up for you.

Most of the wrong is done by those who can’t choose between evil and good. So the next
member of the defending defiance propaganda list is ‘Being the too good to be true and not
really that good from within character’. That one nerdy chap in the family who scores the
best grades and says his prayers before each meal but hides a playboy under the mat. Well
this is a morality issue. I mean you don’t really disagree with what the society has to offer
but it turns into a vicious venom spitting monster curse the moment it falls on you. But that
conflicts with the angled headed halo-ed image of yours which you have unknowingly
strengthened all this while,owing to your good boy shenanigans. (This para is mostly
pertaining to the M word,I don’t say it out loud, its like the Voldemort of Youthwarts)

This threshold is going to be testing a lot of ‘patience’ and some of that glossy images might
have to suffer little dentures here and there,Fear like they all say will have to be overcome
(nothing new self assuring thought has come across in the fear domain) and inertia could be
transcended to the higher energy level and kept there.

Writing things down from the heart makes one so transparent. I fear judgement on the part
of the readers and fear of revealing what’s there beneath. But some one said ‘you write of
what you know’. So this is all I know right now.

Cheerios