The ANC had apologized, for instance, because there had been civilian casualties in its landmine

campaign, which was ended for that reason, and for the Church Street bombing in Pretoria. The ANC
had also admitted that some of its women members had been sexually abused in its military camps
in Angola and elsewhere and the leadership had accepted moral responsibility and political
accountability in a most exemplary manner.

The top echelons of the party hierarchy had carried this principled stand to its logical conclusion
when it applied collectively and symbolically for amnesty. This was a noble and commendable
gesture, saying eloquently that they were not deserting their foot soldiers but were ready to take
the rap. Unfortunately, there was no provision in the law for such a corporate and collective
application—but the motive behind the gesture was highly commendable.

Thus, we did not expect any trouble whatsoever from that quarter. The acting chairperson of the
commission, Dumisa Ntsebeza, entered into extensive correspondence with the ANC, pointing out
that all those who had received notices had been urged to respond in writing if they wished to
communicate with the commission on any issue relevant to the matter at hand. He pointed out that
the ANC was wasting precious time and ought to get on with the business of providing the
commission with its written reactions. He labored under the impression that the matter had now
been dealt with amicably because the ANC secretary-general promised to supply the commission
with the party's written response. However, the ANC missed both our and its own deadlines for
delivering its response, eventually providing it at the last moment, after the report had gone to the
printers. While all this was happening Dr. Boraine and I were in the United States, having taken up
university visiting professorships, he at the New York University School of Law and I at Emory
University's Candler School of Theology in Atlanta. We were due to return in time for a final
commission meeting prior to the climactic event of the hand-over.

This was intended to be a grand occasion at which representatives of the victims as well as the
diplomatic community and representatives of the faith and NGO communities would be present.
The SABC was going to broadcast it live on TV, and with direct live radio. Thus, the TRC was going
out with a real bang. Our last meeting should have been a routine business meeting. It would
probably have been very emotional as the last formal meeting of a group of people who had grown
close together, who had been through a grueling time, and we should have had a fair degree of
nostalgia as well as a tinge of bereavement.

It was also a meeting at which we announced that two commissioners serving on the Amnesty
Committee had been appointed as deputies to the new National Director of Prosecutions, very
important posts for which they were warmly commended. Other more mundane announcements
were made. Then, like a bolt from the blue, one commissioner suggested reopening the issue of the
ANC's request for a meeting, as some of the commissioners felt that such a meeting should in fact
take place. The matter was reopened even at that eleventh hour. I and other commissioners tried
to point out that it would be disastrous in the extreme to do any such thing because it would be
interpreted as kowtowing obsequiously to the governing party—no other individual or organization
had been granted a similar concession. Some commissioners urged that we should consider the
ANC's out-of-time representations—this two days before a five-volume, 2,700-page report was to
be delivered by printers and presented to President Mandela. Considering the ANC's last-minute
representations, made after the final specified period of grace, could have led to even more
disastrous consequences.

Even if they had presented cogent and rational reasons why the commission should amend its
contemplated finding, the end result of changing the report would have been that nearly everybody
out there would have said that here was proof positive that the Truth and Reconciliation
Commission was a lackey of the ANC, and that the whole process was an elaborate charade set up
to do the ANC's bidding. It all seemed so obvious, but those colleagues urging the reopening of the
whole matter remained unmoved and adamant that a meeting with the ANC should happen or that
its representations should be considered, even on the very eve of the hand-over of the report. I
really could not believe what I was hearing. The integrity and credibility of the commission were so
obviously on the line that no right-thinking and sane person could ever have wanted to risk vitiating
all that extraordinary work and jeopardizing the crucial work of trying to heal our nation. I suppose
a blind spot is called that precisely because it is a blind spot—what seems so obvious, sticking out
like a sore thumb, is invisible to those who will not or cannot see it.

I had a hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach as I saw the whole enterprise sinking without
trace. It would have been the most awful trick ever played on the hapless victims, who had been so
generous and so dignified in their willingness to forgo their rights for the sake of our nation—and
now we were ready to spit in their faces as our thanks for their magnanimity. We had usually not
voted much on issues. On this occasion we had to put the issue to the vote in a very tense
atmosphere. The vote for granting the ANC an audience narrowly lost. Then we voted on whether
to consider their representations. The votes for were seven, and those against seven. A deadlock. I
had never before had need to use my casting vote and on this occasion, I voted to say ‘No’ to the
ANC. It had been a very close call at our final meeting, which should have been a more amicable and
certainly a noncontroversial affair. It seems that some of our colleagues were privy to the ANC's
decision to take us to court in the event of our refusing to grant the party an audience, and it may
be they wanted to avoid that particular embarrassment. I was devastated by the news that that was
what the ANC had done the day before the scheduled presentation of the report—they applied to
the High Court for an interdict to stop us from publishing any part of the report that implicated them
in human rights violations until we had considered their submissions.

It was so surreal. Mr. F. W. de Klerk had also filed a court application to have the finding against him
removed. His behavior we could understand and even say it was in character. But the ANC, which
had been so supportive of the process—this was totally unexpected and thoroughly out of line with
its character and attitude. I was heavy-hearted as we left Cape Town for Pretoria, where the
handing-over ceremony was due to take place.

Our legal department and other lawyer commissioners worked furiously through the night to
prepare the relevant papers for the court. We continued with preparations as if we did not have an
enormous sword of Damocles hanging over us. Venues were prepared where journalists from all
over the world would be locked away so that three or four hours before the actual event, they would
have had a preview of the five-volume report so as to prepare their copy to meet their various
deadlines. When the court verdict came through that the ANC application had been dismissed with
costs, and we could hand over and publish our report, our celebrations were very muted. I was
thankful that we had not let the victims down and the ceremony, though tinged with a great deal
more sadness than would otherwise have been the case, was a wonderful blend of solemnity and
celebration, sadness and joy, tears and dancing.

The President and I danced what has come to be called the ‘Madiba shuffle’ to the melodious sound
of one of our premier choirs, Imilonji kaNtu. I was deeply thankful as I handed President Mandela
his leather-bound volumes—thankful that God had been so good to us, that we had survived some
difficult and testing times; thankful that we had been able to uncover as much truth as we had;
thankful that we had been the agency to bring some closure, some healing, some reconciliation;
thankful that we had indeed looked the beast in the eye; thankful for the tremendous colleagues
God had given me; and above all thankful for all the wonderful people who had come before the
commission and generously stripped themselves before us and the world, making themselves
vulnerable, helping us to regain our humanity as they had their dignity rehabilitated. We were frail
and fallible, veritable earthenware vessels as St. Paul puts it, so that it would be clear that the
superabundant glory belonged to God.