Unmasking our Grief Mickey Aronoft explains how puppets can help cicren to express their rit for their own and others illness or impending death you lok up “bereavement” inthe detonary you'll find efition such us loss by death ofa relative or frend. Bereavement can begin before death however, I canbe the unseting realisation that you will, ‘ontive the dog you've loved since it was a puppy, or itean be te harsh and empty realty of the foreseeable less of « loved one Who 16 Bereavement can besboutany iredeematlelossthat holdsmeaning-loss ‘of body limbo funtion, loss of your grandmeher's wedding ing los. ‘of home through fr. Insomecultares death is eated as an integral part of tccyee of ie {inthe wes the subjects taboo as are the Feelings engendered by i 1's viewed at a fighiening topic and “quiet respect” may be our anly sanctioned, protective Fesponse, ‘Keeping death at em’s length denies fecling, which means denying living. Emotional health is stengthened when we can say our unsaid goodbyes, pologiesavowalsof love. Te social expression of grief and {fy isour universal connection. When someone we oveis nearing death ‘or seven a the point of deut, we needa language in which to express ‘our los, whether that ules the form of keening or highly conrlled and ‘organisa sat funerals Puppets offer all fs lst language. For thousands of years they'We ‘been used sera many cultures as a spvimal guides, as storytellers, as diatrs between gods and people. “Today in the west peychologists speak of a puppet acting as a “wanstonal object’, which means serving asa symbolic plaything or as. soy which ean act ut for us some of our deepest feelings in asafe non {kreateing way. Puppets release the voice that ells the series children ‘need tell in order to share the pain of thir loss. They ae transitional object ina tine of transition. Puppets can express anger, sorow and need for atlention, just as ‘bumens can throogh text and through movement. They can cover, hit ‘yell, bite, whimper and run. They exa als express joy. With puppets uldken can roars feelings, paving the way forthechoiceto ‘own and express them directly. ‘When no other avenues exist o expres grief, whet can children do but play? Pla is the natural language ofthe child. Puppets allow children ‘Rommallyexchided atthe time of deat to parteipae inthe business of| sieving and wo grow with the experience. (Children aswell as adulis nocd the lghte that is pact of is the release and relief fom tension, from sadaess, from anger. Chik-ceaized ‘epproaches, with non judgemental acceptance of feling,elst those feelings end give soope for reflection of them. For chidren with life threatening nesses, esues may arise with puppets tha ele to fears shout hospitlsarion, suck as mutilation cx ‘death, Brothers and sisters may also aeod to work out the guilt of ‘seahivalent feelings or magical thinking (fea that wishing death upon 2 brother or a sister has caused that death. Working with puppets in ‘oups helps o share the pain Thnve used puppets to prepare children wit cancer for ss ofits. ‘Thesechildrenhaveused my puppets io speakabout ther fiends who bad died before them CT onl she could give us a sign, said one child's ‘Puppet. have son ‘mini rehearsals” of death with poppet: one child ike tobe buried under my entre collestion of soft poppet 13 yearold Diane was facing the thireenth shontrevisiono her hea, Pic Mickey Aronott Puppets release the voice that tells the stories children need to tell s0 as to share the pain oftheir loss. During pr-opemive puppet pay he dovtor puppet ifermed ny patat poppet tat it would dic soont My puppet ily tumbled troop fevingrof denial, anger, arpkning, Sadness enafinalyscecpace Her poppet told me, “Whea Ihave paten's who ae dying Tean'teat. have {ocrpalens dyingnow sod starving! Shewtacked be as thoog tbe lfelTinningspprosch of homout. ‘Pappets work well in tandem with oer expressive at herepes. Aa 11 year-old toy wi edema, deserted by his non-cping fal to ‘wes before he died, hed earicropened up emotionally With popets ‘ed in preparation fot invasive, diagnostic When Tee's Tezly rene with ends andl dat Would ep them bear his death thee dae before the eves: The hoy was ready. ‘Usingpupgetscrow-trlly isonet witgeupc whose mits include so fen atbough ti eaesial Yo repent boos in poppet ‘Sarnceiantion and io beware of rec stereotypes. Ths by angange ‘ofthe poppet alo provics a good weicioof expression for chien fer ‘Som Engh fn bel fost langage nay Beha only way to deal wi death isto dl with if These seeming opposites ee realy a pert of coctinuum and se inexsicably iservinl If ere severe hope foranczntouallybealiy soley, sis of sorrow must not be Dried bat should beta oagsie sos offer Mickey Aronaff is the Special Needs Puppetry Consultant ar the Scottish Mask and Puppet centre, Glasgow. ‘Seotiah Child December 1884anuar 1985 11