Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India

Mila Tuli'

INTRODUCTION

In the investigation of parent-child interactions, studies on parent-child relationships, parent

attitudes, discipline methods and their impact on children's development have been the
primary areas of research. Developmental researchers in various cultures have over the
years focused much of their attention on accounts of socialization pattems and the overt
behavior of parents (what parents do) with limited attention to their thoughts as parents
(what parents believe). Parental behavior has been the preferred pathway to understanding
development. The formal study of parenting beliefs, ideas or cognitions is seen by some to
have begun in the 1950s in research that interviewed parents to gather information about
socialization practices, the home environment and parent child relationships (Rubin and
Mills, 1992; Sears et al., 1957). Later this trend was reversed with objections being raised
about the validity and accuracy of reports and recall made by parents, the weak correlation
between beliefs and behavior and the feeling that much behavior may not have any salience
for parents and hence they may not be able to comment on it. So for a long period, parental
ideas were not the focus of research. The revival of interest in parental cognitions and ideas
is a recent development (Kagitcibasi, 2007).

All parents have some ideas about the manner in which children ought to be raised, about
what they feel must be an essential part of their children's lives, about the goals and values
that they consider important about children and childhood. These culturally shared ideas
that parents have about children and their development are referred to as beliefs. They
include parental explanations and understandings of everyday events, childcare customs
and choices and are often implicit; "taken for granted ideas" about the "right" way to think
or act.

Parental ideas or beliefs have been labeled differently by researchers: parental cognitions,
psychology of the caretaker, beliefs or belief orientations, naive theories, ethnotheories
(Sigel, 1992). Each of these refers to the cognitive domain of parenting behavior; parents
thinking about parenting; the naive psychology that influences what parents do.

' Department of Human Development and Childhood Studies, Institute of Home Economics, University of
Delhi, MllOk, Model Town, New Delhi 110009, India.
 82 Journal of Comparative Family Studies

THE SIGNIFICANCE OF PARENTAL BELIEFS

Parental beliefs are of value because they acknowledge the cognition of parents and recognize
them as thinking beings. Additionally, these beliefs guide parental behavior and activity.
Because of their link with parental goals and values, parental beliefs influence developmental
outcomes directly or indirectly. Parents' beliefs are expressed in the manner in which the
everyday lives and activities of children are organized. These routine activities are the
visible representations that serve to convey beliefs to both parents as well as children. In
their model of the developmental niche. Super and Harkness (1986) refer to the culturally
determined customs and practices followed by parents as the "cultural scripts" for parenting.

The link between parental beliefs and behavior and from behavior to the development of
children is a tenuous one. However, "beliefs as parts of the parents'psychological system
are systematically linked to parental action and different forms ofthat link may have different
consequences for the life-worid of developing children" (Lightfoot and Valsiner, 1992: 395).
Parental beliefs are constmcted from the collective cultural resources to constitute the personal
beliefs of parents. Definite cultural variations are also reflected in the fact that each cultural
group determines for itself the manner in which parents bring up their children. These cultural
scripts influence the different beliefs and practices of parents as well as the goals parents
work towards. Despite intra cultural homogeneity, the variation in parenting beliefs must be
recognised. Parental beliefs comefromindividual experiences, interactions with family, friends
and professionals as well as through cultural messages. Diverse cultural and familial positions
contribute to the multiplicity of beliefs held by parents. Personal experiences such as education,
occupation, socioeconomic considerations and "the availability of experis" make each
parenting experience a unique one. The bidirectional flow of cultural messages implies a co-
constmctionist perspective in the development of parental beliefs. Parents and children are
both receivers as well as a source of culture (Goodnow, 1988; Harkness and Super, 1996;
Valsiner, 2007).

FAMILY AND CHILDCARE IN INDIA

India is a nation characterized by cultural diversity and plurality at many levels. Heterogeneity
is a salient feature of social reality. In India, the family is a key social institution that exerts a
definitive influence on the lives of all its members. The family is central to all levels of social
interaction and individuals are identified by the family they belong to, by their fathers and
their forefathers. The family is the hub of all activity from the day a child is bom. With a large
majority of families having a joint stmcture, the identities of members also take on collective
hues. Roland (1989) proposed that the deeply group-oriented nature of Indians can be aptly
described as having special leanings towards their families labeled as the "familial self." It is
not surprising that most research on Indian famiUes has described the unit to have a collective,
interdependent orientation. However, there is also adequate argument to suppori the serious
limitations of this viewpoint (Gupta and Panda, 2003; Tuli and Chaudhary, 2010).

Children in India grow up in a network of multiple interactions with members from within and
outside the family. Despite the pivotal role played by mothers in the lives of their children,
the raising of children has often been a shared experience with family, friends and others in
the neighborhood (Chaudhary, 2004; Kakar and Kakar, 2007; Keller, 2007; Seymour, 1999).
 Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India 83

This inclusive arrangement is especially prevalent in the case of joint families and in mral and
semi-urban communities.

In urban nuclear households, the experiences of childhood and parenting show a great deal
of diversity making it difficult to provide a single prototype. However, education and global
interface has provided parents with new ideas about childcare and development which they
integrate with traditional wisdom and practices to a lesser or greater extent as and when
required. The smaller family size has also modified but not eliminated the involvement of
extended kin members. Even though families are becoming smaller in size and essentially
nuclear in structure (especially in urban metropolises), the ethos of the family continues to
be characterized by "jointedness." There is a high value on being connected and the network
of relationships is sustained across distances and changing aspirations, occupations and
lifestyles. In the realm of family and childcare, changes due to urban mobility are visible in
the altered pattems of family interaction, evolving role expectations and renewed ideas
about motherhood and fatherhood (Bhatia, 2006; Uberoi, 2007). When mothers go out for
work, arrangements of childcare and household management are bound to change.

With rapid urban influences several cbanges have been documented in the stmcture and
functioning of famihes in India (Bhatia, 2006; Kakar and Kakar, 2007; Sharma, 2003). Increased
global and modem influences have initiated many changes in gender and class equations as
well as in family dynamics. The plurality and contradictory nature of Indian social reality is
vividly illustrated by descriptions of changing family structure and roles. The family in India
continues to be at the centre of social organization. And yet, despite providing a point of
anchorage, the role of the family is continually being altered. Its approval is less important
and its disapproval is gradually becoming less significant.

Parental Beliefs

Parental beliefs mediate between culture and behavior. Parental beliefs and practices provide
the developmental context of the family by creating the backdrop for the unfolding of everyday
roufines of childcare. The following sections of this paper will focus on some aspects of
parental beliefs that have emerged from the study of select families in India.

The paper is based on data from the author's doctoral study titled "Beliefs on parenting: An
ethnographic study of Indian families" (Tuli, 2008; Tuli and Chaudhary, 2010). Thirty families
with children in the age group 3-6 years, in the city of New Delhi, India, were selected using
"Contact Sampling" (Tuli and Chaudhary, 2008). Mothers were the key respondents of the
study. Six fathers and five grandmothers also participated. While identifying the families,
family stmcture and SES (socio-economic status) were used as descriptive rather than as
selective criteria. Instead, residential areas and descriptions of the homes were used to
assess the economic situation of the families. However, all participants could be described as
coming from a range of middle class families. Of the 30 families that participated in the study,
11 mothers worked outside the home and 19 mothers stayed at home. Of these 19 mothers,
five mothers had given up working after their children were bom, one mother worked from
the house and one was in the process of going back to work. The study was designed using
a qualitative framework. Extensive interviews with the participants of the study, observations
of family routines and interactions and family mapping exercises were used to constmct an
84 Journal of Comparative Family Studies

ethnography of parental beliefs. In all, 112 home visits were made for interactions with the
mothers with each visit lasting between 2-4 hours; fathers and grandmothers were interviewed
separately.

Through the interview schedules that were developed, beliefs about children's development
and childhood were investigated within the following domains: experiences during pregnancy
and childbirth; food and eating; regulating behavior; attributing agency to children;
development and leaming and parental values and aspirations. In the extensive interactions,
beliefs were sometimes directiy declared and sometimes had to be culled out. Parental behavior
was not within the purview of the study. The narratives of all the participants were coded and
analyzed using the ATLAS Ti 5.0 software for the analysis of qualitative data.

In the following sections, the data from this study (hereafter referred to as the study) has
been used to provide an overview of parental beliefs as expressed by the 30 families that
participated in the study. Only a summary of select beliefs is presented in this paper. This
sample of parental reconstmctions is aimed at providing a descriptive backdrop to the
concluding remarks on parental beliefs made at tbe end of the paper.

Mothers' Beliefs on Parenting

Beliefs about Pregnancy and Childbirth

Having children is a socio-religious obligation for couples in India. All participants of the
study, including the fathers and the grandmothers, expressed views to support the cultural
emphasis on having children. For the mothers, becoming pregnant was seen as an
accomplishment; a fulfillment of their social roles and was described by them as generating
a lot of goodwill and support from the rest of the family. Any time after 30 years was considered
"old" for the birth of tbe first child. Any departure from the expected time-table of "marry and
have children" raised comments from others, including sti-angers.

Beliefs about Food and Eating

Here too the belief was a unanimous one: that breast feeding was best for babies. This was
seen as inevitable and "the right thing to do." The average duration the mothers' breastfed
their infants was between 4-6 months with first bom children usually being breast fed for a
longer time than second bom children. Using the bottie was to be avoided at all costs.
Mothers (five) who were unable to breast feed for various reasons expressed strong feelings
of guilt and inadequacy.

As children moved away from breast milk, the mothers expressed the "sti-ess" of feeding
meals to the child. All mothers believed that their children did not eat enough. They felt that
their children were "fussy" eaters, ate too littie and mostiy ate the wrong kind of food. A high
level of regulation was reported by tbe mothers in the domain of eating. Although all mothers
expressed the belief that children should leam to eat by themselves, all but one mother were
still feeding tbeir children. They felt that tbis was easier, less time consuming and ensured
that a certain amount of food was consumed by the child. The need to regulate what children
ate, when and where and with whom was expressed by the mothers to varying extents.
 Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India 85

Beliefs about Behavior Regulation

Along with food and eating the domain of behavior elicited the expression of a high degree
of control. In the narrafives of the mothers' socially appropdate behavior and conduct were
under great scrutiny. That the behavior of children needs to be regulated and that children
leam from what they see around them were the dominant beliefs in this domain. Mothers
believed that the behavior of the child must be person and context sensitive with different
expectations of conduct for older persons as compared to younger ones. Mothers were
viewed by all as the key figures for behavior reguladon. Some mothers clearly articulated that
the involvement of too many people caused confusion for the child and should be avoided.
The role of fathers and grandparents in behavior regulation was reported to be secondary to
that of the mother, with fathers often being viewed as ineffective, last resort players in this
domain because of their minimal involvement in everyday family activity.

Many strategies were reported by the mothers to direct the conduct of their children such as
persistent repetition, offedng explanations, instilling fear, invoking guilt and negotiating
with rewards. Despite having expressed certain beliefs, mothers also shared the
inconsistencies in their own behavior and the manner in which beliefs about behavior were
often violated by them due to situational constraints.

Beliefs about Encouraging Independence

Value for children doing things "independently" or self-rehance was expressed by all the
mothers. However, on further elaboration of childcare activities it was reahzed that the beliefs
on autonomy (expressed by the mothers) were situation and domain specific. For instance,
food was non-negotiable when compared to TV viewing but more flexible when compared to
respect for elders. Although the choice for self-reliance was desirable (as expressed by the
mothers) it was not always feasible. Here too, situational constraints such as lack of fime,
convenience or practicality took salience in compadson to expressed beliefs.

Beliefs about Development and Leaming

Beliefs expressed included that each child was unique, leamt differently, had different
capacities and should be treated differently. At the same time the mothers' felt that the
environment of the house and the mothers' own responses were key influences on what
children leamt. The belief that it was their "duty" as mothers to provide their children with
inputs and expedences at an early age was something that was declared by more than one
mother. This was coupled with the belief that it was important to provide children with the
"dght information." The belief that children can be "molded" highlights a deterministic
standpoint; that parents need to determine the direction of the child's development. Exposing
children to specific expedences, keeping them away from some, and guiding them towards
others, understanding the limitations exerted by individual innate nature, and in one case
also the use of medication: these were some of the ways through which mothers believed
that they could make a difference to their child's development. While the role of the mother
in this process was repeatedly highlighted, the individual position of the child in seeking out
expedences was not commented upon.
Beliefs about Gender
 86 Joumal of Comparative Family Studies

There was a predominant belief in the essential or basic difference in the nature of boys and
giris as shared by the mothers. The belief that girls and boys were inherently different and so
must be treated differently was expressed by 13 mothers. Fourteen mothers believed that the
manner in which the behavior of boys was regulated was different from that for girls. Eight
mothers expressed the view that while this difference existed and they too had experienced
it while growing up, they themselves do not subscribe to it with their own children.

Beliefs about Family Relationships

In the narratives of the mothers, the pivotal location of the family was expressed repeatedly.
Within this unit, physical proximity and contact through activities such as eating and sleeping
together were encouraged. From an exercise on family mapping as well asfromthe descriptions
of the mothers about everyday activities in the family it was evident that a clear distinction
was made between core (mother-child-father) and peripheral (grandparents and others)
relationships within the family. However, these boundaries were not static but were constantly
changing to accommodate situational demands and personal needs. The fluctuating positions
of relatedness and independence in the interactions within the family demonstrate the fluidity
of interpersonal relationships among the families in the study. This dehberate expansion and
contraction of self-other boundaries in the mothers' relationships with others as well as in
the children's interactions has been termed "elective interdependence" (Tuli and Chaudhary,
2010).

Mothers were reported to be tbe primary figures in the lives of the children. Interactions with
others (even the father) were routed through the mother creating a "triangulation of
relationships." However it is important to note here that the primacy of the mother in the lives
of her children was not exclusive but co-existed with interactions with others. Value for being
a "good mother" was commonly shared and feelings of guilt were expressed by 15 mothers
for not doing the "right thing." Gender and role speciflc pattems of parenting were the norm
among the families in tbe study. Shared parenting on a daily basis was found only in three
families.

Eatbers' Beliefs

In the beliefs articulated by the fathers, the primary responsibility for childcare was seen to
lie with the mother. Fathers felt that the mother was the one who guides and influences the
child. Fathers found themselves more involved with their children than their own fathers.
They also shared how their involvement increased as children grew older. The difference in
parenting styles between mothers and fathers was another signiflcant theme. Like the mothers,
the fathers too believed that children leam from what they see happening around them and
so the atmosphere of the house was a significant influence. Autonomy for children was
encouraged within prescribed boundaries. The interactions with the fathers displayed the
doubts and contradictions in beliefs that were prevalent.

Grandmotbers' Beliefs

The beliefs of the grandmothers emphasized the relational nature of Indian families. They
shared how the value for interpersonal interactions was declining. All the grandmothers
believed that the mothers have a primary position in the lives of their children. They also
 Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India 87

explicitly stated the need to change with the times. Expanding on this they shared that
because of diverse demands and requirements, it was imperative to deal with children today
in a different manner from when they raised their own children.

When given a choice, all six grandmothers.said that they preferred a living arrangement
independent of the joint household. Despite the cultural norm for maintaining strong bonds
within the larger fatnily network, it seems that the desire to build a unit around the conjugal
relationship may be far stronger than is usually believed. The reference to extended family
members was frequently heard in the conversations with the grandmothers.

DISCUSSION

An Overview of Parental Beliefs

In cultural research, it is extremely difficult to conclude about a group of people, even within
the same culture. The families in the study came from a diverse range of social, economic and
situational positions. Despite this diversity there were some cross-cutting themes that
characterized the expressed beliefs about child care. The beliefs expressed by the three
groups of caregivers in the sample displayed some overlap as well as some distinction.

The narratives from all three (mothers, fathers and grandmothers) emphasized the centrality
of the mother as the primary care giver for her children. Her involvement and her influence
were unquestionable. At the same time, other adults in the family, namely the father as well as
the grandparents, were involved at differential levels. The acceptance of culturally guided
roles was evident in the beliefs. Perhaps this was one reason why very few fathers were
reported to be involved in the daily routines of their children.

Grandmothers' beliefs displayed an acceptance of intergenerational differences and the

need to keep up with changing times. In many ways, the grandmothers in the study
acknowledged recent developments in childcare as well as the changing attitudes and
involvement of parents. They even offered to rationalize current practices and trends in
parenting behavior on the basis of a changing environment.

Sources of Parents' Beliefs

The beliefs expressed were complex, domain-specific and future-oriented. For the parents in
this study, their beliefs came from a variety of sources, both personal, familial as well as
cultural and were incorporated into the everyday cognitions of the caregivers with or without
modifications. Doctors were most frequently referred to'as a source of beliefs on eariy
childcare, perhaps a reflection of the urban milieu of the families. This however did not imply
an exclusion of traditional sources'from within and outside the family. Frequent references
were made to traditional practices during pregnancy and childbirth as well as to the use of
home remedies for curing minor ailments. The comfort with accessing multiple and often
"seemingly contradictory" sources of beliefs was a reflection of the heterogeneity and
multiplicity within the culture.
88 Journal of Comparative Family Studies

Characteristics of Parents' Beliefs

The parent-child relationship is embedded in the socio-cultural, economic and historic location
of the family and the community. The interface between parents and children emerges from
their experience in culturally loaded interactions and from parents' own cognitions. Parental
behavior is therefore greatly influenced by the beliefs that people subscribe to. Some salient
features of parental beliefs from the families that participated in the study are summarized
here.

Heterogeneity of Beliefs

Beliefs are heterogeneous even within a culture. Intracultural variations in beliefs (and the
manner in which these enter the interactions of parents and children) stem from the multiple
experiences of families in very different cultural contexts even in the same culture. Parents'
educational, economic and historical situations all contribute to the cumulative experiences
of individuals as well as of families. In urban communities, with rapid global exchange, the
exposure to eco-cultural change occurs to greater or lesser extents, resulting in the variations
in beliefs across families from apparently similar cultural backgrounds (Miller, 1988; Palacios
and Moreno, 1996). For Rosenthal and Roer-Strier (2006:517), parents' understanding of
what is "adaptive" and how it is attained will differ on the basis of their personal experiences.

In the beliefs that emerged in the study, a similar heterogeneity was visible. Often, ideas and
understandings about children and their development were modified in the face of more
pressing circumstances.

Multiplicity and Contextuality of Beliefs

The Indian sense of heterogeneity has a peculiar character that can be linked to contextuality
and subjectivity. Any mle will always become subordinated to when, what, where and with
whom.

Beliefs were articulated at multiple levels. Mothers expressed beliefs about many different
domains related to care giving and even beyond. At the same time, consistency in beliefs
across parenting domains was uncommon. Mothers, fathers and grandmothers were found
to frequently change their views within and across domains. While at first glance this could
be seen as instability in their ideas, it was in fact an expression of multiplicity and a response
to specific situations. There seemed to be a high tolerance of ambivalence and even
contradiction in ideologies, as has also been reported by Kakar and Kakar (2007) regarding
the use of mulfiple forms of health cures.

From the study it was found that the participants did not demonstrate the presence of over-
arching, grand beliefs about children. What was believed was found to be negotiable
depending on the situation. This too contributed to the shifting or fluctuating position of
beliefs declared by the parents. When adults articulate beliefs they seem far more stable and
homogenous (at least within domains) than when they talk about the actual interactions with
children and the situational constraints. There was evidence in some mothers' discourse that
displayed feelings of guilt about not living up to one's beliefs, but they were clearly declared.
 Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India 89

This comfortable multiplicity or negotiability of values is a common feature of the Indian

culture (Sen, 2006), and it was clearly prevalent in the responses. Sensitivity to context
among Indians in their thoughts and practices has also been reported by Ramanujam (1977).
Many authors bave described this as an issue peculiar to the increasing demands and sti-ess
of urban living. Commenting on what they find are peculiarly Indian traits, Kakar and Kakar
(2007:124) feel, "we should not underestimate the Indian affinity for tradition and for
contextualization, the latter constantiy amending the former in service of pragmatic ends."

Perhaps the urban situation places specific demands and the daily schedules require families
to respond to time related cues. At such points in time, the belief did not necessarily disappear.
Nor was it altered; it seemed as if it was placed as the ideal form of behavior that is owned
because it is valued, but due to certain factors, could not be adopted in that situation. In
such circumstances, whether because of time constraints or simply temperamental ones, it
was not uncommon to find mothers choosing to do exactiy what tbey had said they did not
believe in. Having done so, they would also express regret and guilt saying that at that point
they did not know what to do. This was particularly evident with reference to disciplining
and behavior regulation.

It almost seems that negotiability is a feature of tbe belief itself, since it was found to always
depend on the person, the relationship, the circumstances and the domain about which one
is concemed. Eating, family relationships, and respect for elders were some of the domains in
which negotiability was comparatively lower. Perhaps it is possible to speculate that the
more prized tiie domain for tbe family, the lower the flexibility for contextuality.

Ideology and Practicality: Belief to Behavior

Research in thefieldof parenting beliefs has demonstrated a limited belief-behavior connection

(Palacios et al, 1992). In this study too, a one-to-one correspondence between belief and
behavior was unusual. Since behavior was not observed, tbis conclusion is based on the
responses of the adults. The articulation of a belief did not always ensure that it would be
directiy visible in the behavior of the parent. Despite having a strong belief about a particular
issue, parents would also not do what they said or do something that was conti-ary to a
declared belief. Beliefs expressed by mothers in the study were often compromised due to
situational or circumstantial constraints. The constraints to ideology existed as circumstantial
constraints as well as interpersonal and temperamental ones. Typically lack of time, the
presence and even absence of "others" at the moment, inconsistent priorities and even "in
the beat of the moment" were most frequentiy cited as the consti-aints in everyday parenting
choices. From tbe narratives it was gathered that there were distinct levels at which the
discussions proceeded. At the level of explained reality, adults were far more coherent and
homogenous in their views, at least within specific domains of cbildcare. However, when
speaking about practical constraints a compromise in beliefs expressed earlier was evident.
It is important to note, however, that tiiese departures from articulated beliefs were most
often picked up for discussion, displaying a very common sense of guilt, or doubt, or
sometimes even helplessness at the situation.
 90 Joumal of Comparative Family Studies

CONCLUSIONS

The data presented here and the discussion that followed suggests that there are some key
features about the beliefs of parents in India. It is important to recognize and work with the
fact that beliefs about parenting do not necessadly consist of a clearly articulated, consistent
and uniform understanding about children. The beliefs held by parents are likely to be
complex, heterogeneous and domain specific. Parental beliefs were found to change while
addressing different domains of parenting and childcare. Therefore, expecting consistency
across domains is impractical when dealing with families and children.

Parents usually present a funcfional, activity based descdption of everyday routines. Food
and conduct were found to be the most central concems for parents in the study. Academic
categories (such as feeding, weaning, toilet training) which are used frequently when
researching childhood and childcare practices can be misleading since they are likely to
misrepresent parents' real pdodties. Parenting as a joint acdvity did not find any reference in
the narratives of the participants. Evidently the roles of mothers and fathers were distinct.

Living in urban circumstances creates specific demands for children, parents and families.
These shiffing pdoddes coupled with the rapid changes in Indian culture indicate the need
to renew ideas about parenfing and childhood in India, without losing sight of the persistent
pattems.

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