how fo... ask good questions | 1. Think before you speak An essential question is the one you want answered (eg ‘Will you marry me?’); everything else is a means to get the answer 2. Clarify Using questions to clarify what the other person has said shows that you are listening, prevents misunderstanding and often helps the other person realise what they are saying themselves | 3. Start broad Start an enquiry with broad questions, as these will help you find out more about the subject and the other person 4. Build rapport | If you are trying to gain rapport, use questions that build on what the other person has said (eg 'How did you feel about that?’) 5. How not what | How you ask the question can be more important than what you ask, There are at least ten different ways of asking: ‘What do you want?, each with a different meaning 6. Hypothetically speaking... Tangential and hypothetical questions help get a conversation out of a rut and encourage creative thinking, but if used too often people | might think you can’t focus or are trying to be too clever 7. Take a break If a question is not answered, let it go for the moment. Come back to it later from a different angle rather than turn ‘t into a big issue 8. List-o-rama A list of questions helps organise a discussion. Agree what needs to | be answered and debate each question in turn. It is easier to get clar- | ity where there is consensus 9.Try again Good questions lead to good answers. If you don't like what you've heard, think of a different question before you blame the answerer The Mind Gym: Wake Your Mind Up is published by Time Warner Books (£12.99). Visit: www.themindgym.com