Concise Writing in the Workplace

Group 1: Aracely Valdez, Stephany Rios, Priscilla Hernandez, Jacob Rubio

May 13, 2020

Mr. Wile E. Coyote

 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Table of Contents

Table of Contents.....................................................................................................................ii
Executive Summary.................................................................................................................1
Introduction..............................................................................................................................2
Analysis.....................................................................................................................................3
Concise v. Wordiness............................................................................................................3
Impact on Personnel..............................................................................................................5
Impact on Reputation............................................................................................................5
Financial Impact...................................................................................................................6
Recommendations....................................................................................................................7
Grammar and Structure........................................................................................................7
Digital Media........................................................................................................................7
Conclusion................................................................................................................................8
References.................................................................................................................................9
Bibliography...........................................................................................................................10
 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Executive Summary

To prevent ACME Industries from experiencing further legal and financial consequences, this
paper highlights the issues that wordiness can cause in the workplace, and how it can be solved.
Concise writing has the purpose of providing clear information as briefly as possible. There are
cases where writers include unnecessary words which contribute nothing to the overall message,
wasting the time of the readers. Such “wordiness” can cause misinterpretations and confusion,
which can negatively impact a business. These issues can create a rift between employees and
employers, causing a disruption in a company’s functioning. Not only can poor writing affect a
business internally, but customers will form unfavorable perceptions as well. A business should
have the goal of maintaining internal synergy and customer relations, which unconcise writing
can deteriorate.

Concise writing affords the company financial stability. In the past, a lawsuit against ACME
Industries provided the evidence of negligence in writing of instructions for its products. Due to
this lawsuit there was a loss of thirty-eight million seven-hundred fifty thousand dollars. It has
been proven that when a consumer or partnering agency wrongfully interprets labels it causes
loss in business relationships and sales. Our recommendation for the company is to provide
concise writing trainings for the employees. These trainings will highlight the term “wordiness”
and will be available through digital media presentations. Personnel from each department will
be encouraged to attend the presentation where grammar and structure workshops will be
completed. By promoting concise writing at ACME Industries, the employees will gain skill and
therefore increase the firm's profitability.

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Introduction

On February 19, 1990 ACME Industries suffered after losing a lawsuit against Mr. Wile E.
Coyote. Due to the company’s negligence and discursive labeling, Mr. Coyote suffered severe
injuries and experienced financial distress. As a result, he sought compensation from the
company. Additionally, Mr. Coyote acquired ACME Industries after winning the product
liability lawsuit. Because of his experience, he wishes to improve ACME’s employees’
workplace writing skills.

Based on the results of surveys and analysis of other businesses, this white paper offers
recommendations to correct the problem of discursive writing, also known as wordiness.
Throughout the company, wordiness can be seen in product labels, memos, emails, and business
reports. Wordiness in business documents have also caused conflict in the internal
communication of ACME Industries.

Through current research, it has been discovered that similar manufacturing and distributing
companies, within the same industry, have suffered a loss of revenue, poor customer satisfaction,
and a negative reputation. In this paper, we will be presenting the impacts of wordiness on a
company’s personnel, reputation, and economy. By introducing this rhetorical issue and its
consequences to ACME Industries, we hope to resolve the issue at hand before it exacerbates.

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Analysis

Concise v. Wordiness

To provide a general understanding for what unconcise or “wordiness” looks like, the following
lists will showcase improper sentences and their correct solutions. These suggestions and
examples were provided by Greavu (2019, pp. 61-65).

Some of the showcased examples in this section have “proper” versions of sentences with more
words than their “improper” counterparts. Conciseness means to provide sufficient information
with minimal word count. If the words contribute meaning, having more concrete than abstract
words is preferred.

 Adjectives with meanings in the noun they precede.

o Foreign imports, first priority, group meeting, personal opinion, future plan, etc.

 Adverbs with same meaning as the verb they are used with.

o Repeat again, perfectly clear, cooperate together, etc.

 Adverbs that contribute nothing and weaken accompanying words.

o Decidedly, admittedly, needlessly, basically, undoubtedly, etc.

o Improper: “Admittedly, he was aware of the benefits of the use of purposefully

aimed productivity bonuses.”

o Proper: “He was aware of the benefits of productivity bonuses.”

 Nonconcrete words offer little information and lean towards persuasion rather than facts.

o Rather, little, almost, sometimes, maybe, enough, probably, etc.

o Improper: “The new price strategy had quite a positive impact on sales in recent
months.”

o Proper: “The 10 percent price reductions increased sales by more than 25 percent
in the past six months.”

 Modified nouns and adjectives (very, highly, extremely, etc.) are interpreted on a scale
and weaken meaning, while unmodified nouns are interpreted categorically for a clear
understanding.

o Improper: “Tom made it very clear that he thinks we are perfectly capable of
solving this extremely complex problem.”

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

o Proper: “Tom made it clear that he thinks we are capable of solving this complex
problem.”

 Excessive use of adjectives, adverbs, abstract nouns, prepositions, and other long
expressions which could be reduced.

o With regard to (regarding, about), at this point in time (now), in spite of the fact
that (although), in many instances (often), etc.

o Improper: “The state provided funds for the purpose of research.”

o Proper: The state provided funds for research.”

 Phrases which slow down the reader and should be eliminated.

o There is, it is important, it is interesting to note, before we begin, I can assure you,
etc.

o Improper: “It is notable that sales increased by more than 10 percent in the third
quarter of 2017.”

o Proper: “Sales increased by more than 10 percent in the third quarter of 2017.”

“Fluff” words only diminish meanings and credibility. Since business writing favors clear and
objective language, the use of cautious wording shows indecisiveness. Avoiding pretentious or
unnecessary language will promote a clear and quickly understood message.

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Impact on Personnel

Although the main problem is poor writing costing companies millions of dollars, there is more
to it than meets the eye. This problem directly impacts the company’s employees and personnel.
Two of the biggest consequences it has on the employees is a decrease in productivity and
performance. If a company’s procedures or directions are written poorly, it can create confusion
and misunderstandings for the employees. This can lead to employees being unable to complete
their tasks in a timely manner, as well as causing them to create mistakes in their work. (Ahmed,
2019). A decrease in performance can then be seen when there is poor communication between
the company and its employees. The lack of proper communication between the two results in
the employees creating poorly written work, as well as “get in the way of their core functions”
(Ahmed, 2019).

Impact on Reputation

Poor writing skills will not only affect ACME Industries’ personnel, but also the company’s
reputation. In the article, Strengthening Writing Instructions for Students in Educational
Administration, it is stated that the administrator’s writing might expose more to their audience
than the administrator intended (Lehr, 1999, p. 4). While analyzing a document, the audience
will form an unfavorable or a complimentary impression about the company and their
employees. Once an employee reveals poor writing skills such as lacking purpose or the message
is unclear, “the credibility of the writer may be immediately questioned or challenged” (Lehr,
1999, p. 5). Documents that lack conciseness will also exhibit how work is completed in their
professional setting (Lehr, 1999). Although this paper emphasizes conciseness, there is a
potential drawback which can affect customers and employees. Limiting words can create
unintended rude writing. Such writing can harm relationships between businesses and customers,
as well as between employees and employers. In the case of the business and customer
relationship, a sense of insincerity will decrease the likelihood of them spending their money, all
because of poor communication.

When running a business, first impressions are critical to maintaining customer relationships.
Content that slows readers down or intimidates the motive to initiate reading will disinterest a
reader. People want relevant information immediately. Poor writing diminishes the potential trust
customers had. Another general study conducted by the University of Northern Colorado
suggested that 40 percent of white-collar workers think poor writing reduces credibility of a
business. They admitted that they would refrain from doing business with an organization that
uses poor writing.

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Financial Impact

Communication is the greatest asset a company can have in its toolkit. Communication within
the company and between its customers, oral or written can be the cause of money loss or money
gain. As previously stated, a lawsuit was filed against ACME industries, because the company
did not provide the customer an efficient instruction manual. ACME industries lost a total of
thirty-eight million seven hundred fifty thousand dollars in that lawsuit. As a secondary effect
the board of directors dismissed the CEO and the managers of each department of manufacturing
due to negligence.

In the case of the employee and employer relationship, fractured relationships lead to decreased
trust and wasted time on explanations. Interpreting poorly written language in business wastes
workhours, which results in lost money. Extended writing that wastes a reader’s time and does
not answer their question will likely prevent future consideration, leading to a decrease in
potential sales. According to a Global Lingo study of 1,029 UK online purchasers, 59 percent
would not use a company that showcased writing issues on their websites.

There is disagreement among the Board of Directors of ACME Industries, whether it is worth for
the company to train its employees, for fear of other companies poaching their highly trained
employees and reaping the rewards. According to Human Capital Investment in the Wiley
journal (1999), a study made on employees of the UK and the financial return formal
qualifications bring to the institution increase over time (p.11). If the company decides to create
more trainings to improve its employees writing skills at all levels, there will be an increase in
the employees' salaries. This will lead to a small or large increase in the firm's profitability,
depending on the skill emphasized in the training (Blundell, Dearden, Meghir, & Sianesi, 1999,
p. 13).

Part of the information for this analysis was gathered from 294 Minnesota’s International
Business companies that focus on imports and exports (Prestwich, Ho-Kim, 2009, p. 153).
International business companies are ranked as IB1 or IB2. IB1 companies differ from IB2
because the employees obtain higher skills, they will apply in their field of work. Companies
ranked as IB2 do not provide the same amount or training for their employees. Companies who
ranked as IB1 are more inclined to provide a budget and trainings for their employees (Prestwich
and Ho-Kim, 2009, p. 156). A company willing to train its employees believes the Knowledge,
Skills, Ability (KSA) trainings will increase their human capital worth. The time and money
spent acts as an investment, where 22 percent of IB1 companies and 33 percent of IB2
companies are willing to train their employees for better writing skills (Prestwich, Ho-Kim,
2009, p. 157).

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Recommendations

Grammar and Structure

Cautious language might be important for some situations, but for business, a clear and evidence-
based writing style is what counts. Vague language implies a lack of confidence or the need for a
safety net, hurting the writer’s image. Having more focus on using verbs and nouns will improve
writing quality.

To effectively break away from any problematic writing habits, it is important to acknowledge a
set of rules which promote conciseness. Greavu (2019) does this excellently, and for more than
one writing problem. But in this context, only her explanations and guidelines for “wordiness”
will be highlighted.

The following is a list of avoidance principles provided by Greavu (2019) that promotes
conciseness:

 Redundant adjectives that precede nouns

 Adverb combinations with similar meanings or no contribution
 Hollow adverbs and adjectives that pad sentences
 Weak words of little meaning
 All-purpose words
 Vague sentences
 Unmodified nouns and adjectives that are interpreted categorically
 Excessive use of adjectives, adverbs, abstract nouns, and prepositions
 Phrases that slow the reader and add no meaning

Based on a literature review, “use of standard grammar is not the sole quality of a good writer,
but its use is seen as a mark of professionalism and intellegence” (Lentz, 2013, p. 475).

Digital Media

A solution to this problem can also be providing cost effective business-writing workshops that
will help employees receive hands-on training. Additionally, a company can hire and work with
a writing professional who can help revise and edit important documents, whether they may be
for internal communication or for the public (Ahmed, 2019). These business-writing workshops
can vary from videos to websites. We have created a digital media presentation as a form of
training for ACME Industries employees. This training will focus on correcting the problem
while providing examples. The examples will showcase improper sentences and their correct
solutions.

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

Conclusion

Concise writing requires the elimination of unnecessary words. Every word should have a clear
meaning and be universally understood so that the reader does not misinterpret a critical
message. As previously mentioned, ACME Industries suffered a great loss due to the company’s
negligence and discursive labeling. Because of this incident, we presented other consequences
that wordiness may have on a company. Upon Mr. Coyote’s request, we have introduced
possible solutions to eliminate wordiness in ACME Industries. We created a digital media
presentation in hopes of training ACME employees and resolving the issue at hand. We
encourage ACME employees to attend our training, as it will improve the workplace
environment and business prosperity.

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 Concise Writing in the Workplace - 2020

References

Ahmed, A. (2019). The effects of poor writing skills on businesses. Bizfluent.

https://bizfluent.com/facts-5243090-effects-poor-writing-skills-business.html

Bernoff, J. (2016). Bad writing is destroying your company’s productivity. Harvard Business

Review. https://hbr.org/2016/09/bad-writing-is-destroying-your-companys-productivity

Blundell, R., Dearden, L., Meghir, C., & Sianesi, B. (1999). Human capital investment: The

returns from education and training to the individual, the firm and the economy. Fiscal

Studies, 20(1), 1-23. doi:10.1111/j.1475-5890.1999.tb00001.x

Contact Hurley Write. (2017). 4 ways bad writing erodes productivity and costs U.S. companies

billions. Retrieved from https://www.hurleywrite.com/white-papers/id/3573342/4-ways-

bad-writing-erodes-productivity-and-costs-u-s-companies-billions

Greavu, Arina. (2019). An overview of business writing: Challenges and solutions. Studies in

Business and Economics, 14(1), 60–71. https://0-doi-org.lib.utep.edu/10.2478/sbe-2019-

0005

Lehr, A. E. (1999). Preparing School Leaders to Write Effectively: Strengthening Writing

Instruction for Students in Educational Administrations. Retrieved from

https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED439482

Lentz, P. (2013). MBA students’ workplace writing: Implications for business writing pedagogy

and workplace practice. Business Communication Quarterly, 76(4), 474–490.

https://doi.org/10.1177/1080569913507479

Prestwich, R., & Ho‐Kim, T. (2009). Practical skills in international business: Training needs for

workforce competence by Minnesota companies. Journal of Teaching in International

Business,  20(2), 149-173. doi:10.1080/08975930902827874

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Bibliography

Hesse, J. (2013). Poor grammar on websites scares 59% away. Real business. Retrieved from

https://realbusiness.co.uk/poor-grammar-on-websites-scares-59-away/

Frazier, I. (1990, February). Coyote v. Acme. The New Yorker. Retrieved from

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1990/02/26/coyote-v-acme

McCoy, J. (2017). What bad writing is costing you & your brand. Express Writers. Retrieved

from https://expresswriters.com/what-bad-writing-is-costing-you/

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