The Secret to Becoming More
Confident
How did I build my confidence?
The real answer:
I faked it.
That’s right. At first, I pretended to be
confident. But I didn’t really FEEL
confident yet. I just ACTED the way a
confident person would act…
And what happened? Over time, I started
to feel more confident, too. And before I
knew it I became the confident person I
always wanted to be.
And that’s the secret…
I call it the A-B-C Method of building
confidence:
First you just ACT confident.
Then you BELIEVE you can be confident.
Finally, you just are… CONFIDENT.
It worked for me. And there’s science to
prove that it will work for you. For
example…
When you force a smile with a pencil in
your mouth you actually FEEL happier.
Why? Because your body tells your brain
you’re smiling.
Or as Amy Cuddy revealed in her
awesome Ted Talk: Simply standing in
“power poses” can lead to changes in
hormone levels and make you feel more
powerful.
(Note: Below you can see the power poses
and other body-language hacks for more
confidence.)
The point here is:
Just by going through the motions, you
can change how you feel.
Now…
You probably have TWO questions:
#1 How do you know how a confident
person acts?
#2 What if you don’t have the
confidence to fake it?
And I’ll answer both questions.
First, I’m going to show you the mindset
of a confident person. Why? Because
that’s how you’ll get yourself over that
first hump.
Second, I’ll share 13 ways to build your
confidence every day. Until you are the
confident person you’ve always wanted to
be.
The Confident Mindset
I remember the first time I joined a gym.
I was 19 and I was standing on the scale
like the hunchback of notre dame!
So, the trainer who showed me around,
told me to pay attention to my posture
and make sure I stood up straight.
Why do I remember this exact moment?
I remember it because then he added
something else…
He said:
“There’s nothing wrong with putting
your chest out. It’s the proper way to
stand.”
And it stuck with me to this day.
So remember, being confident is the
NATURAL way to be.
And that’s GREAT news because it
means…
Everyone is born with unstoppable
confidence. It’s not a just a “gift” that
some people have. It’s a skill anyone can
practice and (re-)learn. And for that, I’ve
included 13 insanely-practical ways you
can build your confidence below.
But let’s be clear about something else:
Most ADULTS struggle with confidence.
So while confidence is natural, as we grow
up, almost everyone loses it. At least to
some degree. It’s hard to get reliable
stats on this, but I’ve seen numbers as
high as 80% of adults.
And it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s
accurate. The point is, the overwhelming
majority of adults don’t feel as confident
as they would like. So, if you’re feeling
insecure, you are not alone.
Finally, there’s one more part to a
confident mindset…
It’s a-ok to look like a fool sometimes.
Look, I know about myself that I’m 99%
useless, but…
…that 1% when I’m not, I’m dangerous.
Aiming for perfection is the ultimate
confidence killer, because if you aim for
perfection, you’ll always fall short.
Yes, you can aim for excellence, but you
should accept this now:
You’ll have lots of bad ideas, say many
dumb things, and regularly make a fool
of yourself.
Like that one time when I was driving and
I stopped behind a car, because I
thought traffic was backed up. Turns out,
it was just a row of parked cars. LOL.
The old insecure me would have been
ashamed. The new confident me thinks
it’s hilarious. Because…
Confident people aren’t right all the
time. The difference is, they’re not
afraid to be wrong.
And that’s why today, I don’t take myself
too seriously:
It’s counterintuitive. But it’s an amazing
insight:
If you want to be more confident,
start by not taking yourself too
seriously.
So now, let’s get into all of my favorite
ways to build confidence…
13 Amazing Ways to Boost Your
Confidence
Some of these tips will give you an instant
boost of confidence. Some are small
practices you can do every day to build
confidence over time. Some are little
hacks and tools that automatically put you
in a confident mindstate.
All of the techniques come from my
personal experience of going from
confidence level 0… to 100. Most of the
techniques are backed by science, too.
You can – but you don’t have to – use them
all at once. Some will work better for you
than others. I do suggest you give them
all a try, though. Because…
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action
breeds confidence and courage. If you
want to conquer fear, do not sit home and
think about it. Go out and get busy. – Dale
Carnegie
As I explained above, confidence both
breeds and stems from taking action.
Which is great news. Because when you
take action once, you’ll set in motion a
cycle of positive reinforcement.
Now, the first time you do anything, is
usually the hardest. That’s why I’ve got
one more useful tip for you:
Practice when there’s nothing at stake.
I’ll explain…
As an example, every time I would walk up
to a cashier or server, I would take that
opportunity to pretend to be confident. I
knew they were paid to be nice to me,
so I thought, “Why not practice on
them?”
I’d walk up and say, “Hey, how are you?”,
begin to make small talk, and speak like I
was the most confident person on earth.
Confidence Booster #1: “It’s not free
today?”
Confidence Booster #2: The Eye-Color
Test
Whether it’s a job interview, a date, or a
conversation with a friend, people who
make proper eye contact appear more
confident.
(Not only that; Research shows that when
you look people in the eyes, you also
appear more likeable and trustworthy.)
But there’s a fine line between making
good eye contact and, well, a creepy
stare. And that’s why I like the Eye-Color
Test.
Here’s how it works:
The next time you interact with someone
face-to-face – whether it’s a stranger or
a friend – look at their eyes just long
enough to notice the color of their eyes.
Simple, right? You can do it throughout a
conversation, too.
Just remember to regularly break eye
contact. And when you do look away, look
to the side, NOT down. Looking down
communicates low confidence.
Confidence Booster #3: Proper Posture
Studies have shown that body language is
60% of communication. At a minimum. And
posture is the first thing people notice
when you walk into a room. So fixing it
can give your confidence – and your
perceived confidence – a huge boost.
Luckily, I stumbled on a simple trick to
drastically improve your posture…
I noticed one of my friends has great
posture. So one day I just had to tell her,
“You walk so straight, it’s amazing!”
She laughed and said, “Yeah, I always
hold in my stomach.”
Lol.
The funny thing is, it works. Just tighten
your stomach muscles. You’ll notice your
posture improve instantly.
Start by doing it every time you walk
from one place to the other. Then you can
start doing it while seated, too.
Bonus tip for better posture:
When you’re walking, don’t look at the
ground right in front of you. Instead, look
straight ahead, further into the distance.
This way you’ll automatically keep your
chin up – and look and feel more Confidence Booster #5: Listen to Some
confident. Music

Funny story…
A friend of mine used to go skiing a lot as
Confidence Booster #4: The Power a kid. And he wanted to be a ski racer.
Pose So, he always tried to go as fast as
possible. What did he do?
Apparently while he was skiing, in his
Speaking of posture… head he would sing along to the most
Let me show you Amy Cuddy’s Power
badass song he knew…
Poses that I mentioned above.
Cuddy’s research suggests that standing
in one of these poses for just 2 minutes
Listening to the song made him feel more
will give you a boost of confidence.
confident.
You can see the poses here.
There’s interesting research about this,
So let’s say you’re about to have a job
too:
interview. Take a moment before you go
Researchers from Northwestern
in and stand in a power pose. Your body
University’s Kellogg School of
will tell your brain to feel more confident.
Management found that people who listen
(Side note: Cuddy’s research has recently
to “high-power” music are more proactive.
gotten some critique. I suggest you try it
In the study people were asked to go
and see if it works for you.)
first or second in a debate. And in fact,
And of course, you can also use the poses
after listening to high-power music,
simply to appear more confident to
people were almost twice as likely to be
others. Remember, when it comes to
proactive and go first.
confidence, “fake it ‘til you make it” is
So, it’s not a coincidence athletes listen
actually a good strategy.
to music right before they compete.
Also, don’t worry too much about the
If you need an instant boost of
exact pose…
confidence, listen to music that gets you
All you need to remember is that “open,
fired up.
expansive” postures (taking up more
The high-power songs that were used in
space) express power and confidence.
the study are:
Whereas “closed, contractive” postures
 Queen – We Will Rock You
(taking up less space) express
 2 Unlimited – Get Ready for This
powerlessness and low confidence.
 50 Cent – In Da Club
So…
And here’s a great high-power playlist on
Stop being excessively modest and
Spotify.
humble – don’t apologize for taking up
Now, I am personally a sucker for cheesy
space!
pop music; don’t judge. But whatever your
taste, playing a high-energy, motivating
song will give your confidence an instant
boost.
Confidence Booster #6: Look Your Best
They say, “Dress for the job you want,
not the job you have.”
Is it true? Does the way you dress make
a difference in how confident you feel?
New research suggest…
Absolutely.
Clothes change how we feel, as well as the
impression we make on others. And
specifically, wearing nicer clothes can
make you more confident.
But what can you do exactly?
The research suggests that dressing
more FORMAL is the key:
So, instead of a t-shirt and jeans, wear a
suit.
(What’s crazy is that the research
suggest this can actually increase your
abstract thinking ability, too.)
Now maybe wearing a suit is wayyy over
the top for your job. Or maybe you’re
just uncomfortable wearing extra formal
clothes…
Well, there’s another simple hack:
Wear black.
A recent survey revealed that black is
the color of confidence. This might be
the simplest way to give your confidence
a boost. Try it!
But looking and feeling confident is not
just about clothes…
First thing in the morning, I always jump
straight in the shower. Why? Because
when I feel fresh and clean, I also feel
confident.
And whenever I get a haircut, I stick my
chest out a little further even – I know,
it’s hard to believe… But seriously…
Do whatever makes you feel good about
yourself:
Get a haircut. Take a shower. Shave. Put
on some cologne. Get a manicure.
These small things can really make a
difference in how confident you feel. I’m
sure you’ve experienced it. So this is just
a reminder to take care of yourself. Cool?
Moving on…
Confidence Booster #7: The No-Effort
Conversation Starter
Confident people make small talk seem so
effortless, right?
Right.
Believe me, I used to struggle with this. I
was afraid to talk to anybody. Especially
strangers. How do you even get a
conversation started? And I mean
WITHOUT being weird and creepy.
Well, I’ve got a couple of ways to practice
making small talk like an uber-confident
person for you.
And this first one is what I call the “No-
Effort Conversation Starter.” Because
you don’t even have to start the
conversation when you do this…
Confidence Booster #8: Accept
Compliments
Whenever you get a compliment it’s a
great opportunity to practice being
confident. I’ll explain…
Everybody likes to get compliments.
However, back in my low-confidence days
I had no clue how to gracefully accept a
compliment.
Here’s what I used to do:
I’d either ignore it and move on with the
conversation – rude! – or I’d downplay it.
I’d say, “Oh it’s no big deal” or give the
other person an even bigger compliment
right away.
Why does this show a lack of confidence?
Because when you ignore or downplay a
compliment, what you’re communicating is:
“I didn’t deserve the compliment.” But
that’s NOT how a confident person thinks
or acts. So today, I handle compliments in
a different way.
And it’s very simple:
I just say, “Thank you!”
I acknowledge the compliment. I accept
it. And I show my gratitude.
And that’s what I want you to do: The
next time you get a compliment, just say,
“Thank you, I appreciate it!”
Assume the person giving you the
compliment actually means it. So you can
believe it, too. There’s no need to be
humble. It’s a great time to practice
acting and feeling confident.
Confidence Booster #9: Give
Compliments… to Strangers
What goes around comes around – so now
that you know how to accept compliments
confidently, let’s talk about giving
compliments.
Why is giving compliments a sign of
confidence? Because when you’re
confident, you don’t constantly feel
threatened by other people. That’s why
confident people are not afraid to give
others compliments, too.
But there’s one thing they never do…
They don’t give insincere compliments. So,
when you give someone a compliment
always be genuine.
Now here’s the BEST way to build
confidence by giving compliments:
Give compliments to strangers.
See someone with cool shoes? Tell them,
“Hey, cool shoes!” Or if you see someone
who’s working extra hard, tell them “I
like your dedication!”
Just try it once – you’ll probably make the
person’s day. So next time you’re walking
down the street or waiting in line, give
people genuine compliments. Just look for
one thing you like about them and say,
“Hey, I like your…”
To make this work, don’t think more than
3 seconds about what you’re going to say.
The goal is to get out of your head. Just
say the first thing that comes to your
mind.
It’s very low-risk. So it’s a great way to
practice being confident in social
situations.
Confidence Booster #10: “What Would
… Do?”
When I get in a confidence-slump, here’s
what I do:
I ask myself, “What would the most
confident person in the world do right
now?”
But actually, you should pick someone
specific. It could be a public figure, a
friend, or an acquaintance with
UNSTOPPABLE confidence. And then,
“channel” that feeling. What I mean is:
Just pretend to be them for a moment!
For example:
What would Sheryl Sandberg say in this
situation? How would Muhammad Ali walk
down the street right now? How would
Mark Cuban react? Would Marie Forleo
think like this?
I know – this technique sounds like woo-
woo. But you don’t have to analyze every
little thing this person does to copy their
confidence. Next time you walk into a
room, or you’re just walking down the
street, just pretend what it would feel
like to be that person.
Try it.
Confidence Booster #11: Prepare and
Get Better
Remember, a crucial part of being
confident is the belief that you have the
SKILLS to succeed. And it’s a lot easier
to believe it, if it’s true.
In other words:
Competence breeds confidence.
And that’s why working at getting better
at what you do – by practicing! – will take
your confidence to the next level.
For example, let’s say you’re giving a
speech and you feel insecure about public
speaking. What’s the best way to feel
more confident?
Simple:
Prepare and practice your speech.
Same goes for an important meeting. A
job interview. A date. A networking event.
When you show up prepared, you’ll feel
and act more confident.
But there’s another advantage of working
on your competence…
Confidence Booster #12: Learn a Life
Skill
I am a TERRIBLE swimmer. As in, I used
to barely stay above water…
I liked jumping into a pool. But until a few
weeks ago, there was always this sense
that I COULD drown.
But then something changed. I finally
learned how to float in water. I’m still not
a good swimmer. But at least now I know
hot to not drown! And I feel much more
confident in water.
Makes sense, right? Competence breeds
confidence. But there’s a more general
lesson here.
When you learn a new “life skill” it’s not
just about that particular skill. You also
prove to yourself that you’re capable of
learning ANYTHING. Which makes you a
more competent – and more confident –
person overall.
“Everything is figure-out-able.” – Marie
Forleo
For example, you could…
 Do your taxes by yourself.
 Learn how to replace a tire.
 Volunteer for an after-school
program.
Or learn how to not drown, like me.
Whatever it may be, when you learn a
small life skill, watch your overall
confidence level go up.
What’s a life skill you could learn?
Confidence Booster #13: Get to Know
Yourself
Finally…
To be confident in yourself, you need
to know yourself.
I realize that “knowing yourself” is easier
said than done. What I do know is that
it’s as much about “what you ARE like” as
it is about “what you like.” I’ll explain…
A buddy of mine has a weird hobby. He
likes to bake bread. I say it’s weird
because it’s uncommon. I actually think
it’s awesome! And the bread is delicious.
The point is: He FULLY embraces his
interest in baking bread. And when he
talks about it he exudes confidence.
But embracing your interests and knowing
“what you like” is just one part of knowing
yourself. It’s also about having clear
principles – and sticking to them. So it’s
also about what you ARE like.
One principle I try to stick to is this: I
don’t sugarcoat my opinion. I always say
what I mean, and I mean what I say.
Of course, this part of self-confidence
doesn’t develop overnight. It’s made up of
your whole life experience. And it might
change over time.
What I suggest you do is this:
Write it down.
Write down your principles. And answer
the question, “What are the rules I want
to live by?”
Just remember, you’re not doing it to fit
into anyone else’s expectations. These are
YOUR rules.
When you fully embrace your interests
and have a strong sense of the rules
you want to live by, you can finally act
with 100% confidence – in everything
you do.
Now…
I’ve got some homework for you…
Use these simple ways to build your
confidence. Even if you have to fake it in
the beginning, like I had to…
You’ll notice quickly:
When you’re confident you’ll get more
done and you’ll feel happier.
And with practice you will BE more
confident every day. And before you know
it, your confidence will be through the
roof.
Once you master your confidence, think
about how easy it will be to meet new
people. For business and pleasure.