Parent Unit 9

Table of Contents
Selecting Behaviors to Change..................................................................................................................1

Changing Behavior........................................................................................................................................1
Preconditions for Behavior Change...........................................................................................................1

Rewarding Behavior......................................................................................................................................1
Rewards versus Bribes..................................................................................................................................1
Children’s Rights and Privileges..................................................................................................................2
Using Rewards Effectively...........................................................................................................................3

The Tools of Treatment Parenting...........................................................................................................3

Motivation Systems.......................................................................................................................................4
Behavior Contracts.......................................................................................................................................5

Interventions to Support Behavior Change............................................................................................6

Proactively Managing the Environment....................................................................................................7
Proximity........................................................................................................................................................8
Prompting......................................................................................................................................................8
Redirection.....................................................................................................................................................9
Directive Statements with Rationale..........................................................................................................9
Clear and Specific Choices....................................................................................................................... 10
If - Then Statements................................................................................................................................. 10
Selective Attention..................................................................................................................................... 10
Treatment Parent Profile.......................................................................................................................... 11
Time-in........................................................................................................................................................ 13
Time-Away.................................................................................................................................................. 14
Teaching through Imposed Consequences............................................................................................ 15
Selecting Consequences............................................................................................................................ 15
Restitution................................................................................................................................................... 16

Stages of Change Model........................................................................................................................... 18

Proactively Managing the Environment Worksheet......................................................................... 19

Select Your Strategies Activity................................................................................................................. 20

Homework..................................................................................................................................................... 22
Exercise 1: Selective Attention................................................................................................................ 23
Exercise 2: Behavior Contracts................................................................................................................ 25
Sample Behavior Contract ....................................................................................................................... 29
Exercise 3: Managing Consequences...................................................................................................... 30
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Parent Unit 9

Changing Behavior So, how do you pick and choose which

behaviors to target for change? Merely
changing a child’s behavior to make them
Congratulations on continuing you your role
easier to live with may not adequately prepare
as a Behavior Detective! You have collected
the child for success in their future living
the right clues, asked the right questions, and
situations. Here are some considerations
solved the big mystery of “Why does this kid
that help identify why and when to tackle
behave that way?” With the hard work over,
behavioral goals.
you can now easily go about the business of
changing the child’s behavior for the better,
Health and Safety Concerns
right? That is a difficult question. Changing
• Behavior that is an immediate threat
behavior, whether it is our own or someone
to the safety of the child or other
else’s, is hard work. We would argue that we
people (running away, drug/alcohol
can’t actually change someone else’s behavior,
use, self-injury, improper medication
but we can certainly facilitate behavior change
consumption)
through effective interventions, teaching and
• Behavior that is injurious on a long-
motivating.
term basis (smoking/chewing tobacco,
alcohol use, obesity)
This unit covers treatment parent tools
• Behavior the promotes physical and
needed to support behavior change. And like
emotional health (exercise, good
all tools, the outcome depends on the skill
nutrition, proper hygiene, stress
with which they are selected and used. But
management)
first, we need to determine which behaviors to
target for change and where to start. One way
Impaired Functioning
that we decide which of a child’s behaviors to
Inability to participate in required and
change is based on how the child’s behavior
desirable activities for a given age across the
affects other people:
life domains of:
• Social
Examples include:
• Family
• For teachers, paying attention,
• Mental health
completing assignments and not
• Medical
talking out of turn may be the most
• Educational / Employment
important behaviors to achieve
• Recreation
• Your neighbor’s list might include
playing quietly and being in the house
Achievable
by 9:00pm
• Start with something where you and
• Treatment parents might target
the child can experience success
expressing feelings appropriately, using
• Pick behaviors that increase the
good hygiene, improving social skills,
chances that children will experience
and discussing conflicts with authority
rewarding social and material
figures
consequences
• Remember to check your assumptions
A child may have their own desires, such as
and expectations about what children
improving grades in school, having more
at certain ages should be able to do
friends, or learning to ride a bike.

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Parent Unit 9
Culturally Relevant
• Select behaviors that match the
child’s family of origin, based on its
values, traditions, parenting styles, and
household rules, when possible
• Consider behaviors that will enhance
a child’s understanding/appreciation
of their ethnicity. Identify behaviors
and skills that are highly valued in their
ethnic group
• Target behaviors that are likely to
increase a child’s self-esteem about
their culture and racial background
• Remember to make no assumptions or
judgments about a child from a family
that is multi-racial or multi-ethnic.
Instead, learn the child’s preferences
for primary identification of race and
ethnicity
These are all important considerations when
selecting behavioral targets for change.
The child’s treatment team will work with
treatment parents to assure that identified
treatment goals are selected with these
considerations in mind.
To increase the chances of successful
behavior change, there are a number of pre-
requisites that first need to be in place.
Preconditions for Behavior Change
• A clear and complete description of
the behavior to be changed
• An understanding of the contexts
in which the behavior occurs (when,
where, with whom) and the needs that
are being met by the behavior
• A clear and complete description
of the new or replacement behavior
desired
• Positive relationships with the people
involved
• Commitment to a collaborative
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effort (i.e., a partnership to make the
behavior change happen)
Behavior change can occur without all of
these preconditions in place, but know that
each one increases the odds of success and
decreases the length of time needed to change
behavior. With a clear understanding of these
preconditions, we are now ready to begin
using treatment tools in support of behavior
change.
Rewarding Behavior
Before we can change any undesirable
behavior, we must first be successful with
rewarding a child’s current “good” behavior.
This is necessary to develop a strong and
healthy relationship from which a teaching
relationship can begin. No matter how
troubled a child may be and regardless of how
many inappropriate behaviors she has learned,
we must be able to reinforce and build on
her adaptive and useful behaviors. The key is
using the right reward for each child.
Rewards versus Bribes
When we reward children for doing various
things, people sometimes wonder if we’re
“bribing” children to get them to behave.
The answer to this question really depends on
whether we are using rewards as a teaching
tool or as an attempt to control their behavior.
Bribery is typically a reward given to stop a
negative behavior from occurring, like giving
a child some candy so he will stop crawling
around and whining during church service.
Bribes can be described as:
• Usually attempts to coerce or
manipulate behavior
• Short term rewards
• Stopping a negative behavior that is
happening
• Having the potential to encourage
situational negative behavior
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Rewards are planned and given to a child
who has behaved in a desirable way, such as
giving candy to the child who is already sitting
quietly during church.
Rewards can:
• Acknowledge and reinforce a child’s
accomplishments
• Promote long term effects
• Support a child’s efforts and behavior
in a new way
• Promote positive motives and
messages
We also recognize that outside of a treatment
home, people are not always rewarded for
their good behavior. Our overall treatment
goal is to teach and prepare children to live
successfully in the real world after they leave
our treatment homes. To accomplish this,
we “prime the pump” at first to support
children while they learn and practice new
skills so these become old habits. Then, as
children make enough progress, we fade out
our artificial rewards in a planned way and let
more natural consequences take over.
Children’s Rights and Privileges
When thinking about rewards that can be
provided to children as motivation for their
behavior, it is important to always be clear
about the difference between privileges and
rights. Privileges are those things given
because they were earned or are due to the
generosity of others.
Privileges may include:
• Choice of a favorite meal or dessert,
preferred restaurant, snacks, and treats
• Allowance, coupons, stickers, tokens,
tickets, gift certificates
• Preferred activities such as watching a
movie, swimming, going to the mall, a
basketball game, playing video games
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Rights, on the other hand, are those things
that are guaranteed and do not have to be
earned. Children in the state’s or county’s
care are guaranteed specific rights, such as the
areas we previously reviewed in Professional
Parenting.
These rights include the areas of:
• Confidentiality
• Medical, psychiatric, and dental care
• Food, clothing and shelter
• Religious practice
• Contact with family members and
caseworkers
• Freedom from physical punishment,
sexual exploitation, and emotional
abuse
Detailed descriptions of these rights are
found in the Policy manual. When selecting
items and activities that children may earn,
it is imperative that rights are never used as
rewards.
Successful treatment parents always remember
that with consequences, one size does not
fit all! The consequence that rewards one
child may feel like punishment to another. A
simple example of this is a consequence of
time spent reading alone. For children who
really love to read without interruptions, this
is a reward they will work for. For children
who don’t enjoy reading and may have
negative experiences with reading in school,
this is a consequence to avoid.
Using Rewards Effectively
Once treatment parents have identified those
things that an individual child finds rewarding,
the next task is for them to use these rewards
in ways that promote learning and a child’s
sense of competency. To assist you in doing
this, here are six rules for using rewards
effectively:
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1. Reward immediately: The sooner the
reward is received after the behavior, the
stronger the reinforcement to continue to
repeat the behavior. Immediate rewards
also make the connection between a child’s
behavior and its consequence easier for
him to see.
2. Reward consistently: You want the child
to know that his good behavior in the
morning is good behavior in the evening
and tomorrow. Being consistent allows
you to teach the child that rewards are not
based on how you feel at the moment, but
rather rewards are based on her behavior.
3. Describe the behavior you’re rewarding:
As with all of our treatment parent skills,
precise communication helps children
learn more quickly what is expected of
them.
4. Have a variety of rewards: Too much of a
good thing loses its appeal. Think about
how you feel about eating turkey right
after the Thanksgiving meal? Work from
a “menu” of options that the individual
child prefers, and change the presentation
of these rewards often.
5. Don’t be stingy with the rewards: It
should appear to the child that the adult is
happy to deliver social rewards, allowance,
or extra video game time, and that she is
proud of the child’s behavior.
6. Reward frequently when a child is
learning a new skill: Rewarding children
to keep their behavior going is important,
but it is especially critical for them to
experience immediate success when they
are attempting to add a new skill into their
behavior repertoire.
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Let’s say your TFC child just did something
wonderful. As discussed, there is always time
for a quick and immediate social reward in
any situation to show your appreciation and to
motivate her to do the wonderful thing again.
Let’s also say that you really want this behavior
to increase and decide to give her a privilege
reward of staying up later that night to watch
a television show she loves. But she did this
wonderful thing at 9:00 a.m., so how do you
adhere to the “first rule of effective rewards”
by giving her this privilege immediately? Or
let’s say you promised her a new compact disc
if she got all A’s and B’s on her report card,
but on report card day you don’t have time to
take her to the store to buy the CDs?
The Tools of Treatment
Parenting
The solution to the problem of being able to
reward immediately while using a variety of
interesting, desirable, and highly motivating
rewards is to give some kind of “token”
along with the social reward as soon as the
desirable behavior occurs. The token, then, is
exchangeable later for privileges and rewards.
Our society operates on a giant token system
when we get paid for working. The little
metal coins and green pieces of paper we get
for working are important only because we
can exchange them for lots of privileges and
material rewards that we want.
Motivation Systems
The Motivation Systems is one of the tools
available to reward positive behavior and
teach children healthy ways of meeting their
needs. With motivation systems, tokens are
given immediately after desirable behavior
and are exchangeable for other kinds of
rewards later. Physical objects are used as
tokens, especially for younger children who
have difficulty understanding the concept of
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Parent Unit 9
numbers. In that case, stickers, smiley faces
or games pieces can be used as the tokens.
Creative TFC Parents have used a picture
of a bike (or some other big reward) cut up
into small puzzle pieces. As a child performs
appropriate behaviors at the right times, she
earns a piece of the bike and builds more
of the puzzle. The bike is earned when the
picture is complete.
The motivation system can accelerate learning
because it allows treatment parents to:
• Reward behavior immediately with
tokens that can be exchanged later for
other privileges or goods, and very
importantly;
• Be confident of always having effective
consequences at your disposal, because
the tokens will “buy” so many different
things that are valued by the child.
• Break down big rewards into little
pieces, that can be earned immediately
and eventually result in the big reward.
• Keep track of each child’s daily
progress through the number of
tokens gained.
• Provide children with predictable
rewards for their behavior.
• Extend home-based motivation to
influence a child’s behavior in other
settings (school, church, neighbor’s
home, etc.)
• Reward a child who doesn’t yet care
much about our approval, praise, and
respect as rewards.
In addition to an extensive body of research
that has been conducted over the past 40
years, we know from our own experience
with many TFC children that token systems
are effective ways to change behavior. This
teaching tool is another way that children
learn that the consequences of their behavior
will be fair and consistent, and they will know
about them in advance.
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Examples of behavioral goals that can be
included in a motivation system are:
• Expressing strong emotions in a
socially appropriate manner
• Being ready to leave the house on time
in the morning
• Completing homework assignments
and study time
• Resolving conflicts in acceptable ways
• Maintaining good personal hygiene
• Exercising and eating a healthy diet
• Reporting events accurately
We know that treatment parents vary in many
ways in their dealing with their TFC children.
The treatment parent and the program staff
work together to decide which behaviors,
tokens, and privileges make sense to include in
a motivation system so that it fits each child’s
cultural background, developmental level, and
treatment goals.
Over time, the motivation system can be
revised so that it includes more of the child’s
input and accurately reflects a child’s progress.
New behavior goals can be added, particularly
if the behavior change is something the
child initiates or desires. As a child masters
a skill, the motivation system can be used to
shift from artificial rewards to more internal,
relationship-based and real world forms of
rewards.
Behavior Contracts
Another form of motivating children is
through a behavior contract. A behavior
contract can solidify the agreement between
parent and child that a specific behavior will
result in a specific reward.
A contract is a good way of increasing low
frequency or even “forgotten” behaviors,
like completing homework, walking the dog,
or being on time. It is ideal in cases where a
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Parent Unit 9
child already has the skill to perform a certain
behavior, but lacks the motivation to do so.
Contracts also can apply to a child who uses a
skill in one situation but not another. Sharing,
but only with certain people or with a low-
valued item, is an example where a contract
could help transfer behaviors to other
situations and people.
Like any contract, this is a written, public
agreement that can be negotiated by all parties
involved. It must be fair, it must focus on
positive accomplishments and it must be
immediately rewarding. It can be formal or
informal, but should always be specific.
Here are the steps for drawing up a behavior
contract:
1. State the child’s name.
2. Specifically outline what behavior must be
done in a measurable way; that is, when
and how well it must be done in order to
receive a particular reward. Include when
the agreement is to take effect. Remember
to state what the child will do, as opposed
to what the child won’t do or will stop
doing.
3. Add specifications concerning what she
is willing to do to help the child fulfill
the agreement. In most cases, contracts
work out best when one or more adults
are directly involved in its successful
completion.
4. List the reward that is to be earned,
including the amount that can be earned
and how often the consequence will be
awarded. If there are choices available, list
the options and who is to choose these.
5. As an option, in the contract include what
consequences will be used for inadequate
or incomplete performance.
6. Specify, in advance, how data will be
collected and who will be keeping
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track. Is the child capable of “policing”
himself, or do parents have to monitor his
performance? Indicate how disputes will
be resolved.
7. Have the contract dated and signed by all
parties.
As can be seen from the blank contract at
the end of this unit, it can be very simple
and used with even young children. The
nice thing about a behavior contract is that
once it has been negotiated, it can be posted
somewhere so that the child can see it and
always have a reminder of what he has agreed
to do. A contract also reduces arguments
because adults and children sometimes
remember the agreement differently.
Tips for Effectively Using Behavior
Contracts
• Teach children what a contract is and
how it may be used.
• Invite children to give suggestions
for a contract they are interested in
making. This increases the child’s
“buy in” motivation to successfully
complete the agreement. It also shares
the power since children as well as
adults can initiate a contract.
• Review the child’s progress and
accuracy of the contract frequently.
Not only will this provide an
opportunity to remove any barriers to
the child’s success, but it also allows
treatment parents to praise and reward
the child’s efforts for trying.
• Be sure to phrase the behavior goal
of the contract in a positive and
motivating way. Instead of writing
“Maria will lose all weekend privileges
if she does not meet her evening
curfew,” try “Maria will earn full
privileges on weekends when she
returns home by or before curfew.”
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Parent Unit 9
• Use behavior contracts as a way to
test and establish greater trust in your
child. The outcome of using this tool
skillfully is a strong and meaningful
relationship.
Interventions to Support
Behavior Change
It’s great to teach by emphasizing the positive
things that our children do, but the fact is
children will behave inappropriately on any
number of levels. As we found out in the
unit covering normal child and adolescent
behavior, negative behavior and testing
boundaries is actually a necessary part of
learning and growing up. But whether that
inappropriate behavior is part of a normal
developmental phase, such as not wanting to
share toys or a more harmful or destructive
behavior such as skipping school or physically
harming others, it still must be dealt with head
on.
We first introduced the idea of catching
children being good in the Developing
Healthy Relations unit, and have continued
to stress the idea of teaching by emphasizing
the positive things that our children do. And
we also found out in the unit covering normal
child and adolescent behavior that negative
behavior and testing boundaries is actually a
necessary part of learning and growing up.
So, we should expect that children would
behave inappropriately on any number of
levels.
We will look at several intervention strategies
that are designed to weaken that behavior or
decrease the odds that some specific behavior
will occur again. Keep in mind that the
right intervention as with the right reward
depends on the individual child and his or her
emotional age. A 15-year-old could have the
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mental capacity of an 8-year-old or a 10-year-
old might be very advanced. Maturity must
always be considered. And also like rewards,
discipline must be checked for effectiveness
with each child. A disapproving glance might
be all that’s needed when dealing with a very
sensitive boy while his brother seems virtually
unaffected by all but the strictest of discipline
options.
We also must recognize that the road to
behavior change will not be smooth or
straight for you and your child. We cannot
expect that one successful intervention will
lead to immediate and lasting change in a
child’s behavior. Change happens in stages,
and these stages occur in different time
frames for every child. We can think about
how change typically occurs using the “Stages
of Change Mode” (Gold 2006).
A child can move (back and forth) through
these stages:
• Pre-contemplation of change
• Contemplation of change
• Preparation for change
• Taking action
• Maintaining the change
• Relapse to old behaviors
• Achieving stable new behavior
Successful behavior change work includes
tracking and acknowledging the small steps
toward change while keeping an eye on the
long term goal.
Proactively Managing the Child’s
Environment
Once we become aware of situations, people
and other issues that create stress for our
child, we can begin to proactively make
changes before these interactions occur.
Our aim is to reduce or eliminate the stress,
and therefore reduce troubling behaviors,
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Parent Unit 9
by carefully changing or controlling the
environment.
Some areas for consideration when looking
to support a child through managing the
environment are:
• Physical settings (home, school)
• People who interact with the child
• Environmental stimulation such as
sound, light, smells, temperature,
personal space
• Routines, schedules, activities
Some examples of how a parent could
proactively manage their home environment
include:
• Where conversations take place
• Where a child does homework or other
school work
• Who sits next to whom at the dinner
table, in the family room, etc. . . .
• How family chores are decided
• How family members share use of
the TV, computers, the telephone and
other technology
You can use the worksheet on page 19 to
review many areas of typical household
interaction.
Proximity
Managing the environment can also include
our “proximity”, or nearness, to the children
we serve. When children are having difficulty
handling their emotions, completing a task,
or interacting appropriately with others,
sometime our close presence can give them
the needed support to stay in or regain self-
control and make good choices.
As a supervision strategy, we use arms-length
supervision when we know we need to
maintain a great deal of control over a child’s
actions and behavior. When used effectively,
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our proximity to a child struggling to maintain
control can reduce their stress level and de-
escalate a potentially difficult situation. The
better our relationship is with a child, the
more our proximity will be seen, and felt, as a
supportive intervention.
Prompting
Prompting is the technique of signaling to
a child to either begin a desired action or to
stop an inappropriate behavior. This can be
done verbally or non-verbally. Some examples
of prompting are:
• Telling a child that an activity time is
almost over
• Telling a child to check his daily
planner for school assignments
• Giving a child a glance or nod to
remind them of what is expected in a
certain situation
• Putting a finger to our lips to indicate
a child should become quiet, or talk
more quietly
When used effectively, prompting is a
supportive, non-threatening way to help
children focus and remember appropriate
behavior, manage transitions from one activity
to another an remind them of tasks, schedules
and responsibilities.
Prompting is most effective when we observe
and learn the areas where children need the
most help in remembering what to do or
focusing on what comes next. Eye contact,
facial expressions, hand gestures and a cough
can all be used to remind children of what
they should be doing.
Some additional rules to follow for effective
use of prompts are:
• Prompting should only be done once
or twice
• Prompting is not nagging
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• Prompting is not a threat
• Prompting should be given as
pleasantly, calmly and privately as
possible
Redirection
Redirection is an intervention used to divert
or shift a child’s attention away from a
potentially stressful interaction or undesirable
situation to a more desirable or less
stimulating activity.
Some examples of redirection are:
• Changing the activity
• Moving the child from one room to
another
• Using humor to change the focus of a
situation
• Giving the child a new, enjoyable task
to do
• Asking the child a question about a
new topic
The goal of using redirection is to reduce or
stop undesirable behavior and help the child
regain self-control, behave appropriately,
or successfully move to a new activity or
interaction. Remember that in most cases, we
are causing a child to change their focus or
move to a different activity, subject or place.
We are usually not redirecting them back
to the same activity or interaction that was
causing the stress and undesirable behavior in
the first place.
Directive Statements with Rationale
A very normal and typical way of weakening
a child’s inappropriate behavior is the use of
verbal instruction by the adult. The adult
first tells the child to stop doing that which
is inappropriate, such as “Don’t touch the
stove!” or “Stop fighting over the phone!” We
may laugh at the idea of a frustrated parent
then using the old stand-by follow-up of,
“Because I said so!”. An evasive answer such
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as that, however, teaches nothing.
Instead, parents should follow their
instructions with a clear and concise rationale
explaining the consequences of children’s
actions including the advantages of stopping
or disadvantages of not stopping. “Don’t
touch the stove,” for example, would
be followed by pointing out the natural
consequence we talked about earlier, “It’s hot
and you could get burned.” An instruction
to stop fighting over the phone would be
followed by the logical consequence, “If you
two can agree on how to calmly share the
phone, you can both use it. If you continue
fighting, neither of you will have phone
privileges tonight.”
The idea is to interrupt the child’s
inappropriate behavior and redirect her to
some other desirable behavior, and then add
a clear and concise rationale. The rationale
usually contains either a natural or imposed
consequence. The final step of this technique
is a social reward once children have complied
with the direction and are back on track.
Steps of Directive Statements with
Rationale
1. Clear verbal statement to stop some
behavior
2. Clear verbal statement to begin another
behavior
3. Short rationale explaining the advantages
of stopping
4. Social Reward for complying with your
direction,
When to Use Directive Statements
The Directive Statements with rationale
strategy works best when the parent is aware
of what is going on and is able to intervene
before the situation gets out of hand. Telling
two teenagers to calmly share the phone or
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Parent Unit 9
neither will have phone privileges is certainly
easier to deal with than bloody noses and
black eyes after the situation comes to blows.
Allowing a situation to escalate can also take
the focus off the true problem. A fistfight
turns the problem into teaching two children
non-physical way to solve conflicts versus
teaching two children way to share and
compromise.
The strength of Directive Statements is to
direct away from inappropriate behavior back
to a desirable behavior, then top it off with
a social reward once the children are back on
track.
Clear and Specific Choices
When children are under stress, they often
feel helpless to change their situation. Their
problem solving abilities, creativity, and focus
are very low. They are struggling with their
emotions, are not thinking clearly (or logically)
and may see only one option, or one way out
of a situation (often not the best way). We
can begin moving children back to a state of
“thinking” instead of emotionally “reacting”
by helping them consider the choices they
may actually have, but may not see or
understand. Some examples of giving clear
and specific choices include:
• Do you want to talk about this here, on
the back porch, or in the family room?
• I know you are too upset to talk right
now, so you can go take a walk in the
back yard, sit here quietly by yourself,
or go up to your room and listen to
some calming music. Which would
you like to do?
• Would you like me to see if I can help
you with your homework, or would
you like to call a friend in your class?
Once you have stated the choices, give the
child as much space and time as possible to
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consider their options. Even on good days,
many children cannot make decisions quickly,
so when their emotions are high, they will
need more time to weigh the options and
make the best choice.
If – Then Statements
Using If-Then Statements is a way to help
children think about how positive choices
can bring positive results. As with clear and
specific choices, If-Then statements help
children focus on behaviors and choices
that will get the best outcome – what they
want, but may have forgotten about in the
emotional heat of a situation. Some examples
include:
• If you will talk to me about what
happened in school today, then
perhaps there will still be time to go to
the store as we had planned.
• I cannot understand what you are
saying. If you will stop yelling and
cursing, take a few deep breaths and
quiet down so you can talk to me, then
I can understand what is upsetting you.
• You agreed to do your homework and
clean you room this morning. If you
can finish those two tasks by 1:00pm,
then we can still go to the movies
today.
By using this intervention, you can help
children understand and/or remember what
they need to do in order to get the things
they want, even when everything hasn’t gone
exactly as planned.
Selective Attention
When a child has become accustomed to
receiving social rewards and praise, she’ll
certainly notice when she doesn’t get them.
Selective Attention from adults accomplishes
this by applying plenty of attention for
desirable behavior, and withdrawing attention
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Parent Unit 9
for inappropriate behavior in a planned and
deliberate manner. This technique consists of
two different treatment parent skills:
• Providing positive adult attention to
children for their desirable behavior
• Ignoring children while they are
engaged in undesirable attention-
seeking behavior
Selectively applying and withdrawing your
attention to a child’s behavior works in two
ways. First, if she is able to easily obtain
attention through her “good” behaviors,
then she has less of a need to act up to get
your attention. Second, Selective Attention
also takes away the reward for a child’s
inappropriate behavior: that is, your attention.
While this may sound perfectly simple, it is
not so easy in real life. Consider the example
of a child throwing a temper tantrum
in a store to get attention. To avoid an
embarrassing scene, parents will often “give
in” by buying something for the child, trying
to distract or rationalize with the child, or
simply react with angry words. Any of these
parent responses may get the child to be quiet,
but this is only a temporary solution and the
next trip to the store will very likely result in
another scene.
When this technique is done in a planned
manner, it can prevent accidentally or
unintentionally rewarding children with your
attention when they behave inappropriately.
It’s important that the child is getting a lot of
positive reinforcements in the first place, so
that she doesn’t purposely behave negatively
to force the parent’s attention. In that case,
the adult’s attention, even though it appears to
the adult to be negative attention, is actually
rewarding the behavior. Remember from the
last unit of training that all behavior serves a
function or meets a need? This is especially
true with undesirable behavior, like a child
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11
who is throwing a temper tantrum in a store
to get attention.
Treatment Parent Profile
Treatment parent Barb McDermott is
shopping with her 6-year-old foster child,
Nicholas. Her neighbor, Betty, is at the same
store with her 6-year-old daughter, Natalie.
Both children begin acting up when their
pleas for junk food were turned down.
“I want Honey Bunches of Marshmallows
cereal!” Nicholas screams from Aisle 4.
“I want Ninja Power Dinosaur Spaghetti!”
Natalie screams from Aisle 7.
Both women decide to ignore the tantrum.
Barb McDermott remembered from her
treatment parent training that she would
have to stick to the plan. Nicholas sits on
the floor and screams as Barb pushes her
cart around the corner. While the child
continues screaming, she continues shopping,
a little embarrassed by the noise but carefully
watching for his safety with sly, sideways
glances. Barb also deliberately begins an
animated conversation with another shopper
about what to serve for dessert at dinner
tonight. Tuckered out and convinced his
efforts were going nowhere fast, Nicholas
gives up and trots off to rejoin Barb.
Meanwhile, Betty’s daughter is still kicking and
screaming in the pasta aisle. Natalie noticed
that her mom is watching her and takes full
advantage. “The Young Child’s Guide to
Throwing a Successful Tantrum” says that if
mom looks at you, scream louder and watch
what happens.
Betty’s embarrassment and anger get the
better of her quickly today. “Stop screaming
right now or you will not come shopping with
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Parent Unit 9
me again!” Betty tells the little girl. While that
might have been a reasonable consequence
to point out to the child, it only adds fuel to
the fire and Natalie continues screaming with
renewed energy.
At first glance, one might believe that these
children were acting out solely to express
their disappointment at not getting their
favorite snack. When thinking in terms of
children’s needs, it’s easy to see that getting
some attention and no cereal is better than
getting nothing at all. Be aware that a parent
who responds to such a tantrum by repeatedly
asking the child to calm down or using verbal
threats is reinforcing the behavior by giving
the child attention he craves. Instead a parent
can weaken inappropriate attention-seeking
behavior by withholding social contact so that
the “pay off ” is eliminated.
Selective Attention: Tips
Here are a few tips on effective use of
Selective Attention:
• Identify the child’s inappropriate
attention-seeking behavior in advance.
• Plan how you will withdraw your
attention while still monitoring the
child.
• Plan how you will get other people to
withdraw their attention if needed.
• If the reward for the child’s behavior
is not your attention, then use another
technique.
• Plan what you will do to tolerate
disruption of any on-going events and
activities.
• Withdraw your attention only if the
child’s negative behavior will not cause
harm to the child, another person, or
to property.
• Be sure to “catch the child being good”
with positive attention just as soon
after withdrawing attention as possible.
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12
• Carefully assess whether your
withdrawal of attention is decreasing
the child’s negative behavior over time.
Withholding your attention is an “all or
nothing” strategy and that’s why it needs to
be planned. The child, who senses even the
slightest bit of attention including eye contact
or small gestures like a smile or frown, will be
tempted to continue behaving inappropriately.
In our shopping example the treatment parent
stuck to the plan and, although it took a few
minutes and a few disapproving looks from
other shoppers, Barb taught Nicholas that
throwing a tantrum would not get him what
he wanted. If the behavior were to get out of
hand, however, she was also prepared to stop
and use another technique.
Withholding attention takes time and
patience. While it may be hard and often
embarrassing to overlook inappropriate
behavior, particularly in a public place, you
must be determined to ignore the child until
he is again behaving appropriately for selective
attention to be effective. Note that even if
you withhold your attention, getting attention
from someone else in the environment may be
enough to reward the inappropriate behavior.
An example of this situation is the child who
belches loudly during dinner to get attention.
Even though you ignore this behavior, the
laughter or reactions of other family members
can reinforce the child.
Be forewarned that withholding attention
often leads to worse behavior before it gets
better. Think about your own experience as
a case in point. At one time or another you
may have put money in a vending machine
without getting the item you wanted. You
jiggle the coin return and nothing happens.
Then maybe you use more force and hit the
machine. Nothing, nada, zip. The machine
just isn’t responding to your angry/frustrated
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Parent Unit 9
efforts. In one last attempt you kick or
shove the machine a bit. Only when you are
absolutely convinced that your money won’t
be returned do you quit fighting and move
on. This same principle holds true for a child
whose parent is ignoring her temper tantrum.
Smart treatment parents know that clear
communication is essential when children
experience strong emotions. To shorten the
time it takes for the child to realize that her
inappropriate attempts to get your attention
won’t work, you can deliberately re-direct your
attention to others, especially other children,
by using Social Rewards for their “good”
behavior. Seeing the behavior that is getting
your attention will signal the child, who will be
watching you for signs of your attention, to
shift from negative attention seeking to more
appropriate behavior.
As has been mentioned, a child must
experience your positive attention before they
can quickly and clearly recognize that you
have withdrawn it. The time-in skill is a great
way to be sure that your Selective Attention is
effective with a wide variety of children.
Time-in
When you think of spending “quality time”
with someone, what characteristics come
to mind that distinguish this interaction
from any other time spent with someone?
Characteristics such as highly interactive
conversation, focused attention, compliments,
active listening, expressed interest in what
is important to the other person, laughing
and doing fun activities, and mutual respect
probably come to mind.
The end result of quality time is an enjoyment
of another person’s company, and as we have
seen, this is a building block of developing
healthy relationships. The technique of a
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13
time-in is really just deliberately engaging in
quality time with your child.
It is nice to believe that highly satisfying
interactions between adults and children
just naturally happens each day based on
familial relationships. In reality, however,
the time pressures, activities, stressful events,
and wide array of chores we all face often
compete with “quality time.” In order for
Selective Attention, time-outs, and many other
treatment parenting tools to be effective, a
time-in is an absolutely necessary ingredient
in daily life. Children really must be able to
experience a clear difference between the
presence and absence of your attention.
Time-In Tips
Here are some tips for ensuring that time-in
with your child happens:
• Participate in activities that your child
prefers and use lots of Social Rewards.
• Deliberately plan, and make time for a
fun activity/interaction with your child
each day.
• Intentionally take advantage of time
spent driving in the car to use Active
Listening skills.
• Ask your child to teach you how to
play their favorite games with them.
• Develop a “bad day response” where
you and your child spend a little time
doing something fun, even if neither
of you feels like it.
• Remember that with teenagers who
don’t want to talk much, spending time
with them without conversation is
meaningful.
• Ensure that a time-in is used at least as
often as the time-out technique.
• Do not take your foster child’s
discordant behavior personally!
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Parent Unit 9
A time-in may be thought of as “relationship
glue,” and can be used to acknowledge a child’s
growth and development in as many ways
as there are children. In addition to making
Selective Attention effective, experienced
treatment parents use time-ins to prevent
emotional crises when a child really needs close
and supportive contact with an adult.
Time-Away
Another way to handle undesirable behavior,
particularly if other interventions prove
ineffective, is through a technique known as a
time-away. Traditional “time-out” was intended
for younger children, usually under the age of
eight, but has often been misused with older
children and with inappropriate time frames,
locations and intentions. We want to move away
from older views of “time-out” as a forced
separation or punishment for the child. We
also want parents to acknowledge that time-
away is appropriate for both children and adults.
Treatment parents can model for children that
it’s ok to remove oneself from emotionally
charged situations, and take time to calm-down
and regain self-control.
Allowing children to go to a quiet area when
they are upset or being adversely affected by
others can be an effective support intervention
and a way to help children build self-regulation
skills.
Younger impulsive children may just need a few
minutes away from over stimulating situations
to calm their emotions, be reminded of
expectations and then re-engage in activities.
Older children may need more time away to
calm down, regroup, and think about what
happened. They will often need our help to
process the experience and plan how to better
handle similar situations in the future. This is
another opportunity to use your active listening
and problem solving skills.
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14
Here are some guidelines to follow when using
time-away:
• Observe and note behaviors where your
child is emotionally overwhelmed, and
where time-away could help them calm
down and regain self-control.
• Work with your child to designate
a safe time-away area. The child’s
developmental level and supervision
needs should always be considered. The
time-away area should never be a kitchen
or bathroom, nor should it ever be a dark
or locked area. Make sure there aren’t
any potentially dangerous objects nearby.
• Time-away should be given consistently
in a direct, but caring way, without
scolding, nagging or lecturing. As your
child learns to trust and appreciate your
consistent and effective use of this
intervention, you may be able to develop
a “signal” or sign that tells the child they
need to change their behavior or take
some time-away.
• Prior to having a child take time-away,
perhaps an early reminder may be enough
to help a child correct their behavior or
voluntarily remove themselves from an
escalating situation.
• The length of a time-away depends
on each situation, or an overall
understanding of the time it usually takes
a child to regain self-control. The greater
a child’s ability for self-regulation, the
shorter time-away can be. But, children
must also realize they will have to re-
enter life (with their family and friends)
and will often have to discuss the reasons
for their stress or loss of emotional
control.
• Identify and discuss the behaviors a child
is expected to exhibit during time-away.
For some children, this may mean sitting
quietly in a designated area. For others,
it may mean listening to music, being
appropriately physically active, or calling
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Parent Unit 9
a friend to talk about the situation.
• Minimize any interruptions and
distraction during time-away.
• If children are unable to self-regulate
their emotions, sending them away to
be alone may create further escalation
or unsafe conditions. These children
will most likely need your support to
accompany and stay with them in a
private, quiet area. A calm, respectful
tone of voice, validating the child’s
feelings, and supportive use of silence
can help reduce overwhelming emotions.
• Time-away does not mean isolation,
seclusion or banishment. It means
getting away from the situation that is
creating stress for your child and getting
the support needed to bring emotional
control.
• If the child does not comply with your
request to take time-away, remind them
what the expectations are and provide a
rationale for complying. If safe, you can
leave the area and let the child remain
alone. You will work with your program
staff to develop a planned response for
children who have difficulty taking time-
away.
• Document the frequency and duration of
time-away for use in treatment planning.
• When time-away is over, allow your
child to return to normal activities. If
your child is still experiencing strong
emotions, use active listening to help
your child reflect on the cause of their
stress, the feeling created, and what to do
to regain self-control.
• Be sure to catch your child “being good”
as soon as possible after they return from
time-away. Use social rewards and other
positive re-enforcements.
Teaching through Imposed Consequences
The better the match or fit of the selected
Parent Unit 9
15
consequence to the new behavior, the more
likely it is that the behavior change will endure
and transfer to other situations. A child should
be expected to pay restitution to replace a
neighbor’s window broken by his baseball or
change the sheets on her bed after she has
urinated on them during the night. In each of
these examples, there is a direct relationship
between the behavior and the consequence it
produces.
Just like naturally occurring consequences,
imposed consequences should also teach
something about cause and effect. But
unlike natural consequences, they do not
automatically happen and must be engineered
by someone. This is the “treatment” work
treatment parents do when they purposefully
provide consequences to change their children’s
behavior. When treatment interventions are
poorly designed or implemented, however,
they can limit learning or even teach unwanted
responses. An example would be having a child
change bed sheets because she was not quiet
during naptime. This consequence is neither
natural nor directly related to her behavior; it
is instead an arbitrary consequence that does
not reinforce the learning of a socially adaptive
behavior.
Selecting Consequences
It is not uncommon for adults to find
themselves faced with a situation where they are
not sure of a fitting consequence for a child’s
problem behavior. Where a motivation system
rewards good behavior, undesirable behavior
can be weakened by implementing consequences
which “fines” a child by taking away rewards
or privileges for inappropriate behavior. The
effectiveness of consequences depend on not
overusing it (avoid “bankrupting” the child) and
using it in conjunction with plenty of positive
reinforcements so the child has a “savings” of
rewards from which fines can be deducted.
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Parent Unit 9
The rules of applying consequences are
simple, but adherence to them is critical
for this procedure to decrease undesirable
behavior. The first rule is to be certain that the
consequence is reasonable. In the case of a
child returning home 15 minutes past curfew, an
appropriate response cost might be to deduct
30 minutes (which would be a loss of 2 minutes
for every 1 minute of curfew violation) from the
following night’s curfew.
We want children to learn from receiving
consequences, so a wise parenting tip when
using this discipline strategy is to be careful
not to “over charge” the child with excessive
or impossible fines. When consequences are
set too high, kids react with feelings of anger,
retaliation, or hopelessness. A signal that a
consequence might be excessive is when a child’s
behavior deteriorates in other areas that were
not intended to be affected by the consequence.
If, on the other hand, fines are set too low, the
consequence will not be unpleasant enough
to reduce the unwanted behavior. The child
will feel as if he or she can “afford” to be
bad. Before jumping to the conclusion that
a consequence is too low, treatment parents
should use caution. Children often behave as
though the consequence “is no big thing” as a
face-saving way to accept the consequence. To
avoid additional anger, it is always better and
easier to progressively increase a fine with each
offense if necessary, rather than backing off of
an excessive fine.
The real test of the adequacy of a consequence
is if the behavior decreases over time. Your
program staff will work with you to ensure that
your consequence procedure is working toward
both effectively reducing problem behaviors
and teaching your child new skills. She may also
suggest combining discipline and motivation
techniques together into an individualized
system for a particular child.
Parent Unit 9
16
In this way, treatment parents can help children
change their behavior as quickly as possible by
both motivating the child’s use of appropriate
new skills while decreasing the undesirable
behavior with behavior support techniques.
Restitution
The essence of restitution is to restore
relationships and the environment to the
condition that they were in before the incident
occurred. In addition to learning the cause
and effect relationship between behavior and
consequences, restitution plans teach children to
be accountable for their behavior.
Examples of types of restitution include:
• Returning an environment to its original
condition (such as fixing, painting,
cleaning, etc...)
• Writing and developing a formal apology
to all person affected by the child’s
behavior
• Payment of any costs associated with
the child’s inappropriate behavior. This
may be paid from earned allowance or in
exchange for services provided.
• Engaging in community service activities
such as working at the local animal
shelter, senior’s home or homeless
shelter.
There are a few Dos and Don’ts to ensure
that this form of consequence is a successful
learning experience.
• Do make sure that the requirements
match the developmental age and abilities
and of the child (Unit 5).
• Do check that the child has the needed
skills to fulfill the restitution plan. If she
does not, then make sure that she gets
the needed skill teaching.
• Do include a way to know that the child
successfully performed the restitution.
• Don’t create consequences that humiliate
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Parent Unit 9

the child or lead to decreased self-esteem.

• Don’t allow the restitution to stretch
over too much time. Consequences are
most effective when they immediately
follow the behavior (Unit 7).
• Don’t bankrupt the child of all her
desired resources.

Summary
This unit provides many skills and interventions
that treatment parents can use to help begin
and advance the process of behavior change.
Remember that changing a child’s established
behavior patterns will take time, patience,
and consistent use of the right interventions.
Your treatment team will help you determine
which behaviors to address first, and which
interventions to use for each behavioral
challenge.

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Parent Unit 9

The Stages of Change Model

Defining the Stages of Change

Pre-Contemplation: A child has little or no thought/intention to change their behavior in the near
future.

Contemplation: A child is aware of the negative consequences of their behavior and knows that
change needs to occur, but is not committed to changing their behavior.

Preparation: A child decides to change their behavior and makes a plan (this is the decision making
stage).

Action: A child is committed to and follows through with their plan.

Maintenance: A child works to sustain their new behavior.

Relapse: A child falls back into old behavior patterns. They must re-commit to their new behavior
and re-start their action plan.

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Parent Unit 9

Proactively Managing the Environment

Instructions: In the Stressors column, write down things you observe about these situations, times
of day, interactions and activities that create stress for your child. In the Changes column, write down
how you could change (manage) the environment to reduce or eliminate the stressors.

Challenging Environments Stressors for Your Child Changes You Can Make
PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT:
• Cleanliness
• Furnishings
• Lighting and noise levels
• The child’s bed room
• Number of people in the home
• Play areas
RELATIONSHIPS:
• Bio-Parent – Child
• Foster Parent – Child
• Siblings
• Peers at School
• Friends in the Community
ROUTINES:
• Morning Routine
• Bedtime Routine
• Mealtimes
• Homework
• Chores
• Weekends
ACTIVITIES:
• Television
• Computer / Tablets
• Video/Computer Games
• Phones
• Community Activities
• Family Trips / Activities
HYGIENE:
• Washing Hands
• Shower / Bath
• Brushing Teeth
• Toileting
• Using Deodorant
• Using Cosmetics
OTHER:
•
•

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Parent Unit 9

Select Your Strategies Activity

Directions
For each of the following situations, answer these questions:

1. What behavior(s) do you want to decrease?

2. Select one or more of the intervention strategies. Describe how you could use that strategy to
decrease the child’s undesirable behavior.
3. Name one or more appropriate behaviors that could replace the behavior(s) you want to
decrease.
4. Describe how you might reward the replacement behavior(s).

Interventions to Support Behavior Change:

• Motivation Systems
• Behavior Contract
• Managing the Environment
• Proximity
• Prompting
• Redirection
• Clear and Specific Choices
• If-Then Statement
• Selective Attention
• Time-In
• Time Away

Situations

1. The children are in the family room yelling and threatening to hit one another because they
cannot agree on what television show to watch.

Behavior to decrease:

Intervention strategy:

Replacement behavior(s):

Reward for appropriate/replacement behavior(s):

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Parent Unit 9

2. It’s dinnertime. Dad asks Jeff to go back into the kitchen and get some iced tea. Jeff says,
“That’s girl’s work” and refuses to move.

Behavior to decrease:

Intervention strategy:

Replacement behavior(s):

Reward for appropriate/replacement behavior(s):

3. You receive a phone call from 15 year-old Tom’s school teacher, who reports that Tom was
caught smoking in the bathroom. When Tom gets home, you tell him about the teacher’s call.
Tom denies having smoked in the bathroom.

Behavior to decrease:

Intervention strategy:

Replacement behavior(s):

Reward for appropriate/replacement behavior(s):

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Parent Unit 9

Homework
1. Read the unit on Changing Behavior and make a list of questions.

2. Complete Exercise #1: Selective Attention

3. Complete Exercise #2: Behavior Contracts

4. Sample Behavior Contract

5. Complete Exercise #3: Managing Consequences

6. Call your trainers if you have any questions before the next session.

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Parent Unit 9

Exercise 1: Selective Attention

Treatment Family: _______________________________ Date:____/_____/_____

Using Selective Attention

1. Please describe a situation in which you used, or should have used, Selective Attention.

2. What was the inappropriate attention-seeking behavior to ignore?

3. Who was seeking your attention? How do you know this?

4. Where did this behavior take place?

5. Did this person receive attention from someone other than you? Who?

6. What was done (or could have been done) to have other people withdraw their attention to this
particular behavior?

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Parent Unit 9

7. What were some appropriate behaviors performed by this person that you positively attended to
before and after the negative behavior? Did you attend (could you have attended) to someone
else’s behavior while ignoring the person?

8. Did you plan out your use of this technique ahead of time? Should you have? Why or why not?

9. Were there any safety concerns about withholding your attention?

10. What was the immediate outcome of your response to this person? What would the outcome
likely be over time?

11. What other discipline technique did you use (or could you have used) if this person’s behavior
escalated beyond what you could ignore?

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Parent Unit 9

Exercise 2: Behavior Contracts

Treatment Family: _______________________________ Date:____/_____/_____

Using Behavior Contracts

Directions: Complete contract items for each scenario.

Scenario 1

Donna, age 14, dreams of owning her own company and making a million dollars by the time she
is 25. She is overweight due to inactivity and really wants to be more physically fit. She has a hard
time with self-management and just doesn’t get around to her exercise program. She asks for your
help to get motivated to exercise daily. She really wants a fairly expensive dress she saw at the mall.

Donna will:

Rewards for successful completion:

Consequences for unsuccessful completion (if any):

This contract will be reviewed on ____/____/____ and is effect until ____/____/____.

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Parent Unit 9

Scenario 2

Tyrone, age 16, is a very popular kid who has lots of friends. He participates in lots of activities in
his community and is invited to his friend’s homes frequently. Although there is a definite curfew
of 9:00 PM on school days and 10:00 PM on non-school days, Tyrone is often late in returning
home by curfew. He is willing to contract and has been looking for a way to earn money.

Tyrone will:

Rewards for successful completion:

Consequences for unsuccessful completion (if any):

This contract will be reviewed on ____/____/____ and is effect until ____/____/____.

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Parent Unit 9

Scenario 3

Lee, age 12, is an average student in the 6th grade. He proudly describes himself as a “Nerd,” likes
science fiction, and playing video games. Recently his teachers have reported that he has not been
completing his homework assignments and that he is in danger of receiving failing grades. Lee is
highly motivated by playing his Play Station 2 and getting the latest video games (which cost $50
each).

Lee will:

Rewards for successful completion:

Consequences for unsuccessful completion (if any):

This contract will be reviewed on ____/____/____ and is effect until ____/____/____.

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Parent Unit 9

Scenario 4

Jessica, age 10, is a shy child who suffers from episodes of depression. She attends outpatient
therapy and, even though she likes her therapist, Jessica has a difficult time expressing her feelings.
She agreed to write about her feelings in a daily journal for her therapist, but hasn’t been very
consistent about doing this. Jessica really likes burning her own music CDs, and is always looking
for blank music CDs to use.

Jessica will:

Rewards for successful completion:

Consequences for unsuccessful completion (if any):

This contract will be reviewed on ____/____/____ and is effect until ____/____/____.

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Parent Unit 9

Sample Behavior Contract

I, __________________________________, will ______________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Rewards for successful completion:

Consequences for unsuccessful completion (if any):

This contract will be reviewed by the undersigned on ____/____/____ and is effect until
____/____/____.

Child: ____________________________________________ Date:____/_____/_____

Parent: ___________________________________________ Date:____/_____/_____

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Parent Unit 9

Exercise 3: Managing Consequences

Treatment Family: _______________________________ Date:____/_____/_____

Designing Consequences

List at least two possible consequences for these negative behaviors. (Remember: Natural, Imposed,
Logical, Restitution)

1. Your child leaves dirty clothes and wet towels lying in a heap on the bathroom floor.

Consequence:

Consequence:

2. Your child skipped the 2nd half of school today.

Consequence:

Consequence:

3. Your child arrives home after the stated curfew.

Consequence:

Consequence:

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Parent Unit 9

4. Your child knocks over and breaks a lamp while running through the living room.

Consequence:

Consequence:

5. Your child lies to you about her whereabouts.

Consequence:

Consequence:

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