center around the needs cussion, avoid extensiv a shar the th them to bring reasurane, to deep senate chin up.”” 1 leave, they are ways of wishing ght go wel more commonly used ‘*benedictions”” religious roots. To say * of “God be with y« good-by’ acted en secular Hang in there,”” and “Keep your chin up’ of the per 1m the farewel though person were responsi Christian bene .d. They are professi of God. God’ diction: ““T Jesus Christ . . .”” “The peace of God 123SHARING A BLESSING. expressions 0 5 y A benediction God has you in well-being. I \d the bestower in charge. . There might be other lessing is inappropriate, Ask ‘ed? Would a blessing be appropriate tous a bene by saying, “Before Igo. if you you share it. You nd , pat your hand arm. Your tuch can be a natural expesion of Y the two of you share at that momen you ready to receive the gift of hs cre. ouch i Tor those hove other senses might be GA BLESSING 125 Your reluctance The Form of the Blessing You have a broad range of options as 10 you use, and your choice can using this res« he speci to another. As e, you might want 19 write out one or more t Mark them in your Bible if you carry one, |, memorize several You can be formal or inform instance, the fan ‘be a great comfort to the person who has heard e close of worship services. Here the more fort find opportunities to use ‘© The Lord bless you and keep you: The L ke is to you: The Lord to shine upon you, and be grac (Num. e upon you, and give you peac: Jus Christ and the love of Gi the Holy Spirit be with you |, which passes your minds in @ Now may the God of peace who brought again fron 1e sheep, by the ‘great shepherd of everything good dead our Lord J gt blood of the etern int, equip you with that you working in you that whiSHARING A BLESSING ESSING share with you one of my favorite me because of his sight, through Jesus Christ mi Now I would like and ever. Amen (Heb. 13:20.21) bene aphasis. I ask this ye that appeals or you now ty yor spt Sh sol and bay Be Sep sound and ‘four ord Jes chs He ama he wl doit (1 Thess. 523-24) ay you harlotte, may God shower you wi begin your new Presence be with you always. 1orter blessings occa: God be with y. God bless yo Peace and joy to you. "s needs, and your own preference ice of be veniently When you yourself are assured that the person he hands of God, th essing you speak.18 Celebrating Results Helping peo or resolve prob| caring to sy invest hersel accepted To discuss results in a book ab caring is risky, because i Its can be nonproductive ‘ve—for both caregivers and care n Many of my clients in psychotherapy toward results when th tasks as caregiver, espe: Overemphasi iat it’s worth pro- iming as a rule: results start happening when you stop push ing for them Goals are helpful 38 CELEBRATING RESULTS 139 book, your main focus as a jividual needs to be o \e process of caring rather Process Goals vs. Results Goals ls as verbs differ f is a result, tively in the po. In your cating for directly even prevent it What might be some process goals vs. results goals for Jennie? Process Goals 1. Providing a comforting 1. That Jennie would no and accepting situation; longer feel her loss as a raw helping Jennie talk openly about her husband’s death toexpress 2. That although Jennie her feelings of sadness, hurt, mourns, her anger would or anger.CELEBRATING RESULTS 3. Relating to Jeni car 3. That Jennie would know ing and consistent fashion. 4. Encouraging Jennie to her fears Jennie would get out socialize, and part nunicating to Jennie iat Jennie would work it is both acceptable and er grief. Note that each of the process goals ‘one of them implies the passage of time. Al |, but each comes at the end of a process. ns with a verb. Every the results ic team has failed because the players w e championship game whil \ ying When they lost that gam impionship. The good coach does all he or she can to digect the players to focus only on the game at hand and do their best job playing one game at a time. Even in a single game, the coach who excels will try to keep players” attention score. The focus needs to be on the CELEBRATING RESULTS 141 ins that make up a good game: for exampl requires good dribbling, g, playing tight defense, and m process Theological Implications The issue of process orient ion isa resolve by examining the Bible. The Scriptures As God works in your life, things happen. Through faith in Jesus Christ, you experience new birth, The apostle Paul says that “the old has passed away, bbehold, the new has come" (2 Cor. 5:17). The characteristics F newness in Christ include a relationship with God, the for- a God-pleasing life, the and day-by-day trust ly what God accom- plishes. Yet God wants you individual properly using what he has given you. He puts goals in fro of you to work toward. Paul states, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus you result-ori- ented, focusing on what God has done and will do for you and through you. However, the fact that God has given you goals implies that you haven't arrived yet. God has made us his saints, yet we remain sinners, people who do not always in accordance wfear and tremb! yy the re f your mind (Rom. 12:2). you do be done in love (1 Cor. 16:14), ot promised us a rose garden ourselves w' Is process. ‘The theology of process and results has several implications. First of in helping and exi in his living providence. Second, because you realize that God is the one who ore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorow will be anxious for . (Matt. 6:34). Given the assurance of God's loving presence and healing power, you are free to give yourself completely to the caring a part of God's process of he: of identity for the person gi Distinctive Results stronger ties actively becomes more receptive to given unity of that group. those problems use of the human condition. Th hurt, or anger, but ‘greater realism. Forgiveableness Forgivableness does not mean that people have somehow become worthy of forgiveness, but rather that they are able to accept forgiveness and grace from Gc144 __CELEBRATING RESULTS e, especially as it flows through thers. In short, people will have learned to receive. Forgiv fed to take ad. a person might sreased level of trust, which can be foun- other growth in the fullness of Jesus Christ. Who x is there to trust in A New Relationship with God ing leads a person to trust in the love of God. Through distinctively Christian caring who has not hi experience th his Word and the caregive A person can be “born fror rebirth, God, working through creates trust in the care receiver. above’ We all fall short of God's will for us. When we be a long time before we permit God to raise us up aj Sometimes we get angry with him receiving Christian care, people who hi God for how much God st ind cares but he does not for us, our lives eis both in the present and for the future. The ope is the knowledge that Jesus is with “yesterday, today, and forever."” The person When you base your foundation than any other. As the solid rock Istand. All other ground is alone is the foundat tic stabi Christ-Centered Self-Image the person with wh ly believes that he temple of the Holy Spirit, th Id of God and nuch. Peace As a result of Chr t e. Such peace is rely the absence of hos. inner contentment; rather, it is the peaceCELEBRATING RESULTS connoted by the Hebrew word shalom. As people experience Chris ce, their relationships become who plete ers, with God, and with themselves. Perspective on Results vely Chris- s of caring that depression, or re ducing one’s any 7 mer Another result of Christian caregiving accrues to you the ithas to do with the strengthening of your own ‘good repair. Results are great, but they belong to God, who chooses to Jet you share in the pleasure of them. Don't stalk them; let God send them to you. Desire them, but don’ Expect results, but don’t concer mn them. C but don’t cerebrate them, Be glad when they come, but don’t spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to make them he Lord’s sense of timing ings new."" Now that’s what I call results! 19 Hope-Full Caregiving ‘One of the most distinctively Christian resources yet to be considered is hope ies in its he responsibility yours, but God’s. Paul speaks of unb hope and in the world ntimat and rests securely in God. ‘Another feature of Christian hope Christian hope is both now and in the future. It is both of the at once, and so our reasoning breaks down when we consider it. This is clearly demonstrated in Jesus’ raising of Lazarus: Jesus said, *“Take away the stone."" Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has bes her, “Did I not tell you that if y would see the glory of God?”” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. 1 know that thou 1471 opportunity tant 0 pr i$ to how to go about it why they sh to pray, what the ayer in caring situations. Why Pray with Others im by means of prayer. God also specific people to approa: They are unsure others, when to pray, how where to pray of prayer in terial will chapter “Pray for one another."” The reference is to two or more people Not only do we pray for each other we also pray together bec: to shared prayer: Again I say 0 yo g they ask, it will be done for them by my Father en. For where two or three are am 1 in the in a caring relationship, the person with whom you d to listen to you at quests. Thus, jets extends far beyond the Another reason for ‘on your relation secrets are hid, n with each other. AS yo naturally draw closer to each otherER nacy that grows as a res dom experienced in conte: Jesus said: pray, go into yy 10 your Father wi sees in secret will re Some people think th be very private and person the person. Th When to Pray When It’s Natural ould + cannot be programmed b the proper moment to pray. That person's ieeds, not yours. In other when you ar o pray, but when the other person is ready Ip you asceriain when propriate, Your goal is for prayer to be a conversation, not an intrusion or d, The person wention prayer, because it Remembs magically makethe expressed jidden needs. How to Pray 1g Prayer God in prayer idual with a choice. 2 Fesponse if itis to be true prayer. ‘ays No extens prayer vely sho For example, jer and paint 10 10 prayer because they prefer toWords nd expectations 0 Cho wge that the other person understands which he or she is © e. While the age of the person can affect your choice of words, you need not use are unfamiliar with, like slang with a tee 1oose words that are nat possible to be excessively critical of language or style. yoursel ng for words Consequently joing. Neither God nor others ate co wther’s first prettied-up piety. Note 0 God: ayer and renders it more other person. Both you and theis? Here is one way and fears. Is there anything this prayer?” When you say this, Mrs. I know they are very worried On the bi ther response, you ca confident that it will speak to Building a Prayer One prayer process e person dis what needs to go in the prayer start to pray. As you build a prayer, yo by asking open-ended ques! his orher real et Mrs. Thomp- who is facing surgery. Y el might go some- ng like this: Before we pray, are some of your thoughts and 18s right now? care of my ‘ou’d like us to pray at worries that something 1 RAVER h. Is there anything else yo God in prayer? might be something re Ido, I ‘dlike you to by Others of the praying I have T think we couldPRAYE ‘ate prayers quickly persi the individual adding an imper © The Psi become f id your ‘own personal medi fumbling around.