The Confidence Code

The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What

Women Should Know
Katty Kay and Claire Shipman
Copyright © 2014 by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. Published by arrangement with
HarperBusiness, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers
232 pages
[@]

Rating Take-Aways

7
7 Applicability • Women are making great strides in business, politics, economics, sports, and more.
Studies show that more senior women at a company means more profit.
6 Innovation
8 Style • Yet many women, regardless of their level of success, lack confidence.
• Women often underestimate their abilities and undermine themselves by attributing
their success to luck or fate rather than to their own hard work and perseverance.
 
Focus • Confidence is often more important than competence, especially in the workplace.

• Women hesitate to negotiate for better salaries and, when they do, they ask for less
Leadership & Management money than men request.
Strategy
Sales & Marketing
• Confidence is partly genetic; environment also plays a role.
Finance • Society encourages boys to take risks and explore, and encourages girls to be quiet and
Human Resources well behaved.
IT, Production & Logistics
• Build children’s confidence by encouraging them to take risks in small steps.
Career & Self-Development
Small Business • Men and women have slightly different wiring. Women are prone to ruminate.
Economics & Politics
Industries
• To build self-confidence, “Think less. Take action. Be authentic.”
Global Business
Concepts & Trends

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getabstract

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Relevance
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What You Will Learn
In this summary, you will learn:r1) Why women lack confidence; 2) How women can build self-confidence;
and 3) What methods you can use to help your children, especially your daughters, build confidence.
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Review
Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, journalists and authors of Womenomics, interviewed successful women in a range of
fields including sports, politics and business – and discovered that many, even the most successful, lack confidence.
The authors investigate whether men really have more confidence than women. They find that confidence trumps
competence at work. For example, women often lack the confidence to voice their opinions, even though such
reticence hurts their chances for promotion. Women prove especially reluctant to negotiate for better salaries and often
ask for less money than men request. After interviewing geneticists for insight, the authors report that confidence has
a strong genetic component, though environment also matters. While much of their treatise is discouraging, it does
offer hope. With effort, you can become more confident. Boost your confidence by speaking up and taking strategic
steps; do not overthink your decisions. getAbstract recommends the authors’ insights and research to women – and
men – who struggle with a lack of confidence, and to parents who want to instill confidence in their children.
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Summary
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Social Confidence
Despite women’s great societal strides, their self-doubt persists. Women believe that hard
work and effort pay off, even though that isn’t always the case. Many women have seen
less-competent men receive promotions and higher earnings. Confidence seems to trump
getabstract competence; research found that “success correlates more closely with confidence than it
“The Economist...called does with competence.”
female economic
empowerment the most
profound social change In some arenas, like basketball, you can’t fake confidence. Monique Currie and Crystal
of our times.”
getabstract Langhorne, forwards for the WNBA’s Washington Mystics, are commanding on the court.
But Currie admits to struggling with a lack of confidence. As she says, “You have to believe
in what you can do and you have to believe in your ability.” Langhorne feels each loss and
hates to let her fans down, but adds, “With guys, if they had a bad game, they’re thinking,
‘I had a bad game.’ They shrug off the loss more quickly.”

The Mystics brought in coach Mike Thibault to invigorate the team. Having coached both
men and women, Thibault has a unique perspective. He finds that “the propensity to dwell
getabstract on failure and mistakes” creates female players’ “biggest psychological impediments” and
“Women earn on
average 77 cents for often will “directly affect performance and confidence on the court.”
every dollar earned by
a man. Four percent of
CEOs in the Fortune
The military demands confidence. Consider Officer Michaela Bilotta, one of 14 classmates
500 are women. Twenty at the US Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, who served on the Explosive Ordnance
of the 100 United States Disposal (EOD) team. These specialists deactivate chemical, biological and nuclear
senators are women
and...that is celebrated weapons in hot spots around the world. Yet when researchers lauded Bilotta, she demurred
as a record high.” as if she somehow hadn’t earned her position, despite knowing that she did.
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United States Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao, who served under President George W. Bush,
emigrated from Taiwan to the US at age eight. While confident, she says, “My fear was that

The Confidence Code                                                                                                                                                                   getAbstract © 2015 2 of 5

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 the newspapers would have blaring headlines like: ‘Elaine Chao Failed, Disgraced Whole
Family’.” Chao arrived in New York speaking no English , so she was an easy target for
teasing. “Some adversity, if it doesn’t break you, does make you stronger,” she says.
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“Ruminating drains
the confidence Confidence and Coin
from us. Those In 2011, researchers at the UK’s Institute of Leadership and Management asked British
negative thoughts and
nightmare scenarios women how confident they were in their professions. Fifty percent reported feelings of
masquerading as self-doubt compared to fewer than a third of the men interviewed. American women don’t
problem solving, spin
on an endless loop.” fare much better. Carnegie Mellon economist Linda Babcock, author of Women Don’t Ask,
getabstract discovered that men negotiate their salaries four times more often than women; and when
women discuss their salaries, they ask for 30% less than men request. Professor Marilyn
Davidson of England’s Manchester Business School found similar results. She surveyed
her students about their expected salaries five years after graduation. Her male students
think they deserve to earn far more than her female students anticipate earning. “Women
effectively believe they are 20% less valuable than men believe they are.”
getabstract
“The confidence gap In 2009, Cameron Anderson, an expert on overconfidence who teaches at the University of
is a chasm, stretching California, Berkeley, asked 242 students about historic events and names. Some were real;
across professions,
income levels and others, he made up. The students who misidentified the most made-up people or incidents
generations, showing as actual were those with the “highest social status.” This indicates that “when people are
up in many guises, and
in places where you confident, when they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually
least expect it.” are,” it affects their “nonverbal and verbal behavior.”
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Confidence also can explain why some employees are promoted more quickly. In
Anderson’s study, lack of competence didn’t seem to matter. His most-confident students
didn’t alienate their classmates even when they made mistakes because they genuinely
believed in themselves.

Confidence and Genetics

getabstract Neuropsychologist Steve Suomi of the US National Institute of Health has spent more than
“Confidence is
not...feeling good 40 years studying nature-versus-nurture issues by tracking the personality traits of rhesus
about yourself, saying monkeys. Like humans, monkeys exhibit a range of emotions. Humans share 90% of their
you’re great and can do
whatever you want to
genes with monkeys, but one of these shared genes particularly fascinates researchers: the
do.” serotonin transporter gene, SLC6A4, which “directly affects confidence.” Serotonin is a
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hormone that influences mood and behavior, and having higher levels of it produces more
calm and happiness. This gene comes in different forms. A gene with two short strands
links to poor processing of serotonin; a gene with one long strand and one short strand is
better, but not great. A gene with two long strands processes serotonin most efficiently.
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Those monkeys with longer strands of SLC6A4 were more social, took more risks and
showed leadership traits. Monkeys with shorter strands were less social, more fearful and
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“Of all the warped afraid to take risks. In studies of how much environment affects these monkeys, Suomi
things that women placed monkeys whose genes indicated they’d be anxious or fearful with nurturing foster
do to themselves
to undermine their
mothers, and the monkeys overcame those negative traits. These monkeys were “genetically
confidence...the pursuit challenged,” but they did well when great mothers raised them.
of perfection [is] the
most crippling. Nothing
kills confidence like Suomi and other experts, such as Kings College, London, behavioral geneticist Robert
perfectionism.” Plomin, agree that confidence partially links to genetics. Plomin asked students to complete
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15,000 sets of standard IQ tests, and tests in math, writing and science. He then asked them
to rate their confidence levels in each subject. “The students’ self-perceived ability rating,
or SPA, was a significant predictor of achievement, even more important than IQ.”

The Confidence Code                                                                                                                                                                   getAbstract © 2015 3 of 5

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 Genetic research into personality traits like confidence is in its infancy. Finding a gene that
relates to confidence is unlikely, but gene combinations can create different cocktails of
personality and intelligence traits. Confidence also involves cognitive function. Apparently,
what matters is not whether people can do a task, but whether they believe they can do it.
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“When praised, Suomi’s research confirms the “orchid theory” – that some monkeys and humans
reply, ‘Thank you. I develop sensitized genes and become more sensitive to their environment. Developmental
appreciate that’.”
getabstract psychologist Bruce Ellis and developmental pediatrician W. Thomas Boyce compare
children to dandelions that can withstand any environment. New research suggests that
adults should view “nondandelion children,” in effect, “as orchids: trickier to raise,
but if nurtured in the right environment, able to excel beyond even their sturdier
dandelion counterparts.”

Double Standards and Self-Sabotage

School is where girls learn to “keep their heads down, study quietly and do as they’re told.”
While school rewards girls for being good, staying calm and not fighting, it encourages
getabstract boys to be messy, explore and take risks. Girls shun “making mistakes and taking risks,”
“Confidence that is
dependent on other though that behavior is crucial for building confidence. Boys chalk failure up to a lack of
people’s praise is a effort; girls tend to think they lack skills.
lot more vulnerable
than confidence
built from our own Research praises the confidence-building benefits of sports. In 1972, the US passed the
achievements.”
getabstract Title IX law to ensure equal funding for male and female athletic programs in public
schools. Studies of the law’s impact found that “girls who play team sports are more likely
to graduate from college, get a job and be employed in male-dominated industries.” The
research uncovered “a direct link between playing sports in high school and earning a higher
salary in later life.” Today, more girls play high school and college sports than ever, but
they also quit more quickly than boys do. Because teenage girls often experience low self-
esteem, they’re more likely to drop out of athletic activities. This is “a vicious circle: They
lose confidence so they quit competing, thereby depriving themselves of one of the best
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ways to regain it.”
“By failing a lot...when
we’re young, we...are
better-equipped to think
The world of work not only doesn’t reward women for being polite and quietly working
about the big, bold risks hard, it actively punishes them for being aggressive. Linda Hudson, president and CEO of
later.” BAE systems, the US division of the global defense contractor, says that if women enter “the
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boss’s office with unsolicited opinions, speak up first at meetings and give business advice
above our pay grade, we are either disliked or…labeled ‘a bitch’.” People assume men are
“competent until they prove otherwise.” This assumption works “the other way around”
for women. Psychologists Claude Steele and Joshua Aronson call Hudson’s dilemma the
“stereotype threat,” a phenomenon they researched in the mid-1990s while investigating
why African-American college students underperformed compared to white students. The
same bias affects women, especially in science and math, in which, stereotypically, women
don’t do as well as men.
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“The beauty is that The Cost of Likability
when you fail fast or Women often sabotage themselves at work because they want to be liked. This quest for
early, you have a lot
less to lose.” likability is costly, resulting in a $5,000 pay gap between young men and young women
getabstract in their first five years of work after college. Because women hesitate to negotiate for
better salaries, their pay gap widens over the years. Women tend to overthink situations.
This rumination affects their professional and personal lives. Most women can relate to
dissecting fights with friends or lovers or second-guessing simple decisions, such as getting
a new haircut.

The Confidence Code                                                                                                                                                                   getAbstract © 2015 4 of 5

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 “The New Nurture”
Other cultures take a different view of parenting than Americans, and often encourage more
independence and risk taking. Jane Wurwand, the British leader of the Dermalogica skin
care company, walked home from school alone at age four and a half. Christine Lagarde,
the French managing director of the International Monetary Fund, babysat her younger
getabstract brothers when she was four. Both say their parents’ early confidence helped them. To give
“We may not realize children confidence, those who nurture them need “to toughen up, to shake off that warm
it but we all give
confidence inordinate and fuzzy image.”
weight and we respect
people who project it.”
getabstract For 20 years, the self-esteem movement has preached that everyone is wonderful and
deserves a prize. But parents bolstered their kids’ self-esteem so much that children began
to fear failing. Parents have conditioned kids to believe they can do anything, and so they
run into problems as adults when reality collides with that perception. Gradually exposing
kids to risk builds confidence, says University of Michigan psychologist Nansook Park.
He advises parents to talk to their kids about their successes and failures, and to encourage
them to court risk in small steps. When they fail, ask what they learned and how they can
improve their results next time.

getabstract Children learn more from seeing your example than from being told. Don’t fall into the
“What it means to be
confident – and what trap of rewarding “good girl” behavior. Girls quickly pick up subtle clues that being quiet
it does for us – that’s and neat wins your approval. This can lead to low self-confidence and an overreliance
the same for women as
it is for men. Doing, on external approval. High-achieving girls can be prone to perfectionism. To diminish
working, deciding and perfectionism, offer moderate, specific praise. Don’t hide from your mistakes; laugh at them
mastering are gender
neutral.”
and show them to your daughters.
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Boosting Your Confidence
Boost your confidence by failing fast, stepping out of your comfort zone, not overthinking
and by reframing negative thoughts. Failing fast, a business strategy that’s popular in
technology circles, applies to everyday life. Instead of trying to perfect a single product,
put a bunch of products out there to see what consumers buy, and trash the rest. Take action
even if it means opening yourself up to failure. Overanalyzing every word, sound or gesture
won’t change a situation’s outcome. Realize that most people focus on their own drama and
getabstract aren’t worrying about what you do.
“Even if your daughter
likes the pink Legos or
lacy ballerina dress, Avoid “negative automatic thoughts,” such as, “That dress was too expensive. Why did I
there’s no reason you
can’t steer her toward waste my money?” or “I’ll never finish this project; I knew I wasn’t up to it.” Write down
math and science at the your automatic negatives and reframe them in a neutral or positive way. Reframing will be
same time.”
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awkward at first, but practice until it becomes a habit.

Build confidence by meditating, being grateful, breaking larger tasks down into smaller
ones, getting more sleep, exercising and socializing. At work, practice taking “power
positions,” like sitting up straight, nodding your head, and taking a seat at the table rather
than in the corner of the room. Finally, be yourself. Be authentic.
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About the Authors
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Katty Kay is BBC World News America’s Washington, DC, anchor and contributes to NBC’s Meet the Press. Claire
Shipman covers international affairs and women’s issues for ABC News and Good Morning America. They wrote
Womenomics: Work Less, Achieve More, Live Better.

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