Love During a Pandemic

With the coronavirus keeping everyone at home, couples are

struggling to find ways to maintain healthy relationships.

April 13, 2020

By Kiah Beachler

Amongst the daily flow of catastrophic coronavirus information, one piece of news both
saddening and worthy of a wry smile (in astonishingly equal parts) stuck out from the crowd.
Seemingly overnight, divorce rates in China spiked ​just​ as a mandatory lockdown was lifted.
Divorce is, of course, not exactly a humorous subject, yet one can’t help but imagine (dare I say,
relate with) countless couples trapped in close quarters with no one but each other for days until
they’ve just had enough. It’s like how at the beginning of a romcom the protagonist gets fed up
with their partner when something like the power goes out, only to lovingly embrace once
everything returns to normal. One can’t help but laugh.
According to the Milou City’s People’s Government in Milou, China, their local
Municipal Marriage Registration Center experienced their “divorce registration up to 206” cases
in one month or “18 a day”.
And that’s only in Milou.
“Sometimes the staff has no time to drink water,” the Center told MSN News with
exasperation.
Circumstances seemed so dire that the Center gave some advice to young couples,
reminding them that “a family environment full of love needs to have tolerance and
understanding.” But what exactly sustains a marriage? What kind of secret formula exists to keep
love alive? These aren’t new questions. Entire professions are dedicated to the science of
romance, or helping keep relationships afloat. It’s a topic that I, a sixteen-year-old, could only
hope to understand so early on. But human curiosity gets the better of us all, so I chose to speak
with the people who I’ve learned the most about love from: my parents.
It’s quite a weird thing to do, sitting your parents down to talk about their marriage. I had
prepared a few questions about what made their relationship work and advice they would give to
quarantined couples, but I had never really known if their relationship was as smooth as I’d
perceived. Did I really want to know? I quietly added at the end of my introduction that they
could keep their answers as simple as they’d like. When I first asked what made them fall in love
with each other, my dad’s short, four word answer, “um she was very understanding,” elicited a
quiet scoff from my mom and a cringe from me. “What? I’ve got more!” he corrected.
Throughout my childhood I’ve been fortunate enough to be in the home of parents who
always laughed around each other and leaned on one another for support. They’ve had full time
jobs for most of my life, and I never thought about how their dynamic might shift when
everyone’s in quarantine. “Not much has changed, but it’s forced us to be a lot more flexible. For
example we all need our own spaces sometimes,” my mom remarked. I’m an only child, so my
family’s dynamic could be listed as one of the simplest. But what about other families and other
types of relationships?
Unfortunately, coronavirus makes interviewing in person challenging, but when thinking
about other relationships my wonderful neighbors came to mind. Marriage also often proves a
touchy subject, so I thought it best to ask those who, I think, already trust me.
Two doors down from my corner-street home live a family of first generation immigrants
and their daughter. Their elderly parents, Elena and Lev Matveev, come to live with them for
long intervals before they have to return to their home in Russia. “It is much easier for us to be
quarantined in America,” they said, “in Russia the restrictions are much harsher and the economy
is in much worse shape.” Looking back on their marriage Elena remembered the fond times of
early love. “I was very young (20) and grandpa was very handsome,” she said, I can only
imagine with a smile. In the 55 years of their marriage she said that “it still takes hard work, you
need to know how to forgive, to wish to bring happiness to a family.”
This immediately paralleled my parent’s discussion. They recommended working hard
and putting in effort to ensure the happiness of one another, citing “marriage counseling” being
“one of the ways that helped us to focus and be more understanding.” My mom emphasized that
sometimes spending time independently is part of working through a relationship, telling those in
China and around the world to “get space from one another in safe ways.” Elena and Lev also
recognized that “waiting out the quarantine can be very trying for some married couples” but to
“generally have patience, [and] maintain trust in your partner.”
Some of the best advice, I thought, would come from those who already live life only
together 24/7. Retired and married without kids for 43 years, seven months, and four days (they
made no mistake), my neighbors Neil and Lanna Ray are perfectly used to living the life that it
seems many couples in China can’t stand. Neil says that quarantined life has not changed their
daily routine much, though “Lanna’s… regular escapes to stores” have lessened, leaving time for
“baking loaves of rye bread from scratch, something she hasn’t done for many years. Yummm.”
I have always admired the relationship my two neighbors have, and their lovely answers to my
questions only confirmed my sneaking suspicions that they were meant for each other. It would
be no hard task writing an article just on them. “Did I mention that the first time I met him I
heard his warm, resonant voice before I saw him and thought, wow, I’d like someone like that in
my life? You can hear and see his depth and warmth right away,” Lanna added.
As great as their marriage is, they empathized with those finding quarantine difficult.
Lanna remembered that “transitioning into retirement was challenging. I had a friend at the time
whose husband had retired before Neil and she said, ‘just be prepared to say 'Oh Well', more
often’. I find that helps.” They also repeatedly mentioned that their daily meditation sessions
were key to helping them be more in touch with both themselves and each other. Proof that even
in the confines of home you can still find ways to spend time apart with, potentially, the added
bonus of bonding even more.
No two relationships are the same, but all of the ones that I spoke to mentioned some
form of valuing communication, patience, and trust. The need for which all become amplified
during the stress of quarantine. I finally spoke with one of my peers, Gina Geraghty, who has
found that her blissful highschool relationship has become long distance of sorts. Even she,
younger than I, listed “communication and trust” as the two most important ways to get through
tough times. These are by no means a certain solution, but seem to be tried and tested. “I like the
idea that love is a verb, not a noun. It’s action, not feeling. It isn’t enough to say ‘I love you’ it
needs to be felt by the other person, and that takes doing,” Lanna concluded.
Not all hope seems lost in China, however, and the Center reported that “some couples
decided to remarry within hours.” So, even during hard times, trusting one another and working
hard for love triumphs.

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