Judgment A One Act Play by Steven C. Shaffer: Woman

Judgment Woman
A One Act Play Then you claim that your rules are unreasonable?
by God
Steven C. Shaffer No, of course not - my rules are very reasonable - I ask so little of my
(Copyright, 1995) creatures...
The scene is the gates of heaven. God stands at a podium in front of a Woman
crowd, referring to a large book which says in large letters on the front: Then an appeal to reason is appropriate, since you claim reasonableness.
“THE BOOK.”. Characters exit and enter from behind a curtain on
stage, dressed in various kinds clothes, indicating their lot in life. One by God
one, the characters enter and stand before God to be judged - he points to (Unsure)Well...
his right and says "heaven" or to his left and says "hell." For the purposes
of full effect, God must be a man, and should resemble as much as Woman
possible the “standard” white-robe and beard concept of God. Let me ask you this - do you have a rule because it's good or is a rule good
because you have it?
God
Hell, hell, heaven, hell, hell... God
(Each one goes where he or she is told. Woman comes to the head of the All of my rules are good rules.
line...)
Hell. Woman
(Woman doesn't move.) That avoids the question. What I’m asking is: is a rule good only because
Hell, I said! you say it is, or is there another principle by which to measure it?
Woman God
I want an appeal! Let's put it this way: what I say, goes.
God Woman
An Appeal? I'm God, dammit! Who are you going to appeal to? Then your rules are arbitrary?
Woman God
I wish to appeal to reason. Indeed not!
God Woman
Reason? What does reason have to do with it? I'm GOD, I make the Then what are they based on?
rules.
God
Judgment by Steven C. Shaffer, copyright, 1995 page 2
My infinite wisdom - you do not have the capacity to understand all that I Let me ask you this - does a cow long to kill a deer and eat it?
know...
God
Woman What? Of course not!
I am not wise enough to comprehend your rules?
Woman
God Why not?
That's right.
God
Woman Because it is not in the cow's nature to eat meat.
Then they seem arbitrary, although they are not?
Woman
God Does a robin burrow beneath the ground to make a nest?
(Hesitating)
Uh, ... yes! Just so! God
No. That also would be against the robins nature.
Woman
Then you have stacked the deck! You have given us only the choice Woman
between hell and contradiction - we were doomed from the start! Then why does man seek the answers to the universe?
God God
What do you mean? (Pauses, stumped. Then he brightens) Because of his arrogance!
Woman Woman
You gave us a brain - more than that, you gave us a mind. A mind that It is man's nature to be arrogant?
searches for order in chaos. You gave us the equipment to search for a
solution to the jigsaw puzzle, but you hid several of the pieces. Why God
would you create us so flawed? Did you make a mistake? Yes! Well, no. But alot of them are.
God Woman
Of course I didn't make a mistake! I created human beings with a brain to Why?
allow them to survive - every species has something given to them which (God is stumped.)
makes them special - and able to survive. It's you who have tried to make
the brain into something it was never intended to be. Your brain was
never meant to unlock the secrets of the universe!
Woman
Woman Then you know what we will do before we do it?

Either we are arrogant because you made us that way and wanted to, or we
are arrogant because you made us that way by accident. Which one is it? God
No, I see what you do at every moment of your existence - but constantly.
God
I did not make man arrogant. But I did give him free will. Woman
I don't understand.
Woman
Ahh - so there is non-determinism in your design. God
(Arrogantly)
God Of course not! But I'll try to explain: Imagine if you could peer into the
Excuse me? past. You would see an event - Booth shooting Lincoln, for instance. But
the fact that you witnessed it doesn't mean that you had any effect on it.
Woman
If there were no free will, it would be pointless to judge mankind. If Woman
everything that we did and said and thought were determined before we Yes, but those events have already happened.
were born, judging our actions would be like blaming lightning for hitting
a house - it would be pointless. God
To me, every event in the universe has already happened.
God
Exactly! Woman
But isn't that like reading the last page of a mystery novel first? What
Woman interest is there in a creation for which you already perceive the ending?
So man has free will?
God
God Very little. But it is even worse than you imagine.
Yes.
Woman
How so?
Woman
Then tell me: do you always know what will happen before it happens? God
Because, not only do I perceive the beginning and end of this creation - I
God also perceive the beginning and end of an infinite number of creations!
I live outside of time; I see things as they happen - but without the
limitation of time.
Woman
Woman God
Oh, my God! No - only now exists. The past is an illusion, as is the future.
God Woman
Exactly. We have no future?
(Pause)
God
Woman Well, (chuckling) - you certainly don't! Next! (pause) I've changed my
All at once? mind, though - go to heaven.
(Woman doesn't move.)
God
The phrase "at once" is a problem. It assumes that time exists; it doesn't of God
course. Well, what are you waiting for? You won! Go on to heaven!
Woman Woman
Time doesn't exist? No - I'd rather not just yet.
God God
No of course not. You - mankind - made it up. What do you mean? Why not?
Woman Woman
If time doesn't exist, then why do we perceive it? I still have one more question.
God God
It is a trick of your mind - because you have a memory, you think that You don't need the answers to your little questions - just run along to
things exist which do not. heaven and be happy!
Woman Woman
What things? I will never be happy without the answers to my questions.
God God
Those things which you perceive to be "in the past." Since you remember Is it that important to know?
them, you think that they exist.
Woman
Woman Yes. Understanding is more important than anything else.
Then the past doesn't exist?
I see - so our concept of fairness is an illusion also?

God
More important than heaven? God
Yup - Off you go!
Woman
Yes. Woman
(To the crowd)
God Once again, we see that God is completely arbitrary!
So - if I answer your question, you will go to hell gladly?
God
Woman You know, you shouldn't say stuff like that. Show some reverence, for
Not gladly, but I will go. Christ's sake!
God Woman
(Sighing) all right - what do you want to know? Why? What are you going to do? Send me to hell?
Woman God
I want to know: What was the point? (Sighing)
I'll give you one more chance to go along peacefully to heaven, or learn
God the truth.
The point of what?
Woman
Woman (Pausing - wary)
Everything. Why did you bother? Why the universe? Why people? Why I'll take the truth.
the stars?
God
God Please try to understand - it's not that I don't want to tell you the truth and
Why not? let you into heaven. It's just that you can't have both.
Woman Woman
That's not an answer. What do you mean?
God God
I said I would answer your question. I didn't say that you would like the I mean that once you know the truth, heaven can not exist for you.
answer.
Woman
God
Woman So, by that definition - God is not alive.
So, ignorance really is bliss? (Silence)
God God
No, ignorance is heaven. Understanding is bliss. I can not re-create myself. I am God, but there is one thing that humans
(Pause) can do that I can't: reproduce.
(Pause)
Woman
I'm ready. Tell me. Woman
I guess that's why we were always so into it - in fact, we often say "Oh,
God God, Oh, God!"
Think back to your high school biology classes.
God
Woman You have no idea how often I've heard that and envied you.
You’re not going to ask me to cut up a frog, are you? I hated that.
Woman
God You envied us? Envy? I thought that envy was a sin or something.
No. Now, listen: what was the one thing that separated things that were
alive from things that were not? God
You keep forgetting - I make the rules; I'm allowed to do anything I want
Woman to.
(Thinking)
Hmmm - things that aren't alive can't die! Woman
Except speak to a peer.
God (Pause)
Okay - what was the one other thing?
God
Woman (Sadly)
Uh,..., eating, digesting, uh,...reproduction! Yes. You can't imagine how lonely it is. I tried several times to create
beings to be my friends. You humans were one attempt - It would be a
God contradiction for me to create a second God, so I created you with the
Right. Things that are alive are able to reproduce. ability to learn, hoping that you would grow into the job. I failed
miserably, of course.
Woman
Okay. So?
Woman
Woman But, before I do, I want you to look into what I call the future to see what I
Have we been such a disappointment? call out, then jump back and tell me.
God God
Oh, not entirely. Several of you have been outstanding. But, of course, I Okay.
always know how a conversation is going to end before I have it. You are (God flips the coin.)
bound by time, I am not. Somehow, I just can't stop myself from jumping
to the end to see how it comes out. God
You'll say "tails"!
Woman
So you know how this conversation will turn out? Woman
Heads!
God (The coin lands and everyone watches it roll to a stop.)
Well, not yet. I've managed to control myself up till now.
God
Woman You should have listened to me.
I have a suggestion. Do you have a coin?
Woman
God No - don't you get it? You told me what I was going to say, but you were
What a question to ask God! What are you going to do, parlor tricks? wrong!
Believe me, I've seen them all. Any particular country or year?
God
Woman I wasn't wrong - you changed your answer!
A United States quarter circa 1994 will do nicely, thanks.
Woman
God How could I change an answer that I hadn't given yet?
Here.
(God hands him a quarter, which seemingly comes out of nowhere.) God
Well, that's free will for you! Even confounds God. That's why you folks
Woman are so damned annoying.
No, you keep it. In a moment, I want you to toss it, and I'll call either
"heads" or "tails." Woman
There's that term again. You say we have free will. Did you give it to us?
God
Okay.
But how is free will implicit in the ability to learn?

God
It's sort of implicit in the design. It's not like fluoride or fabric softener - I God
didn't add it on purpose. Look. Let's say you have a choice to make. If you were all-knowing,
you'd already know the answer, right?
Woman
But what is free will? Woman
Right.
God
It's the ability to do whatever you choose. God
So you wouldn't need to make a choice, right?
Woman
But that's circular! How do we choose? What are our choices based on? Woman
Okay.
God
Your experiences and your ability to learn. God
So, you only ever need to make a decision when you lack information.
Woman
So you designed us to learn and you gave us free will? Woman
Uh huh...
God
Yes. God
If you can learn, then that means there is always some information that
Woman you lack.
Do you have free will?
Woman
God Oh, I get it! So, free will is the ability we humans have to make the
No, of course not. wrong choice!
Woman God
Because you can't learn? Exactly!
(Pause)
God
Right - I already know everything. Woman
Well, why would we want that?
Woman
God (recovering)
Good question. I know who you are. So you really were the son of God?
(Pause)
Son
God Not "the", "a". There's a difference.
Look, its been nice, but I really have to get back to work...
Woman
Woman You mean that there's more of you?
Well, to tell you the truth, I don't feel satisfied. I'm almost embarrassed to
be a human. Son
Of course! Christ, you don't believe all of that b.s. from Paul, do you?
God
I don't blame you. Having never been human, I really don't know how to Woman
help you. I can't imagine how you must feel to be so flawed. pause Wait! Well, no. But I thought that you did.
Here comes one of my sons - he was human once, maybe he can help.
Son
(Son comes on stage. He is tall, gaunt, bearded, in his fifties or older. He (Raspberries)
wears a bathrobe (showing bare legs below the knees) and fuzzy slippers. No way. That was all Paul's doing. I had a simple message, he took it and
He walks with a shuffle.) twisted it for his own purposes.
Son God
Hi, Pop! What's going on? Well, I've heard this story before - (To Son) Lock up when you're done,
eh?
God
I was just discussing human nature with this creature here. She's getting Son
quite depressed, though, and I thought maybe you could help her. Okay.
Son God
I'll try. What's your name? Oh, and toss this one into hell before you leave. (Woman is aghast) Just
kidding! Hah, you're so gullible! That's what I like about you humans!
Woman
Um, a... Son
(laughing)
Son He's such a kidder!
Hi, Uma. I'm ...
Woman
And what was the message?

Woman
This is too much...am I dreaming? Son
How much plainer could I have been? "The kingdom of God is within
Son you!" I said. "Be one with God as I am one with God" I said. But did
How the hell should I know? And if I did know, would you believe me if I anyone listen? No.
told you?
Woman
Woman What does that mean?
I don't know what to believe...
Son
Son Each of God's creatures participates in the divine; you - we - are all part of
He that believeth me shall never perish. God. "The eye with which I see God is the eye with which he sees me."
Woman Woman
Isn't that: he that believeth in me shall never perish? I'm God?
Son Son
Nope; it got messed up in the translation. Damned oral traditions! Don't let it go to your head - but, yes.
Woman Woman
So its okay that I didn't believe in you? And so are you?
Son Son
Sure - no skin off my back. Well, there was, but I'd rather not talk about Exactly!
it...Anyway, I never wanted people to believe in me, I just wanted people
to believe me. Woman
And my mother-in-law?
Woman
What's the difference? Son
Well...(pause)...yes.
Son
People who believe in me are missing the point; I was the finger pointing Woman
to the moon, not the moon itself. Too many people concentrated on the (Shudders)
messenger and not on the message. Not my idea of God, that's for sure.
Woman
Son Woman
That's because you want to make God in your own image. There we go again with the "you poor limited humans" argument again...
Woman Son
Isn't that backwards? I said that God was beyond imagining; I didn't say that God was beyond
your imagining. Stop being so sensitive.
Son
Right. That's your problem. You want to make God into what you think Woman
God should be, rather than recognizing the reality of God. Sorry. But, if I am God, then how can God be beyond my imagining?
Woman Son
That guy that just left... There is nothing in creation which understands its own nature. You don't
expect it of a slug, or even of your pet dog - why should you expect it of
Son yourselves?
That "guy that just left" isn't really a "guy" at all. You saw him, it, in that
guise because that is what you expected. Woman
But we humans have the capacity of thought...
Woman
You think that is what I expected God to be like? Son
(Grandly)
Son Oh, big deal. Big, bloody deal. So what? What do you think thought is?
Well, more or less. No one's perfect.
Woman
Woman I've already been down this road with your father...
Well then, what is he - it - really?
Son
Son Then you should know better.
It has no form, it has no color, it has no personality...
Woman
God (Head in hands, reeling)
(Offstage, over microphone) I'm really getting overwhelmed. I don't know what to think!
I resent that!
Son
Son Exactly!
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. Anyway, God is beyond
imagining.
By saying "point," you are presupposing a goal. The answer is,

Woman unequivocally, no. There is no point, no goal, no reason. So what?
What?
Woman
Son (Incredulous)
You don't know what to think! Stop thinking for a second, will you? So what?
Woman Son
But I want to understand... Yes. So what?
Son Woman
Who cares what you want? Your desires are your problem! Give up your If there is no point, no goal - there is no reason to live.
desires - people always think that its good to give up sex, or alcohol, or
those little chocolates with the fudge inside - mmmm, I love those! Son
Anyway, people always think that its good to fight off the desire for those Yes...and?
things, but okay to have other desires: for companionship, for knowledge,
a shrubbery, or whatever. But it isn't the object of the desire that makes it Woman
bad; its the desire itself. Desire roots you to an imagined universe where But...I don't want to exist in a meaningless universe...
such things as goodness and justice exist.
Son
Woman I repeat: Who cares what you want? As I said, it is your desires that are
Don't they? confusing you.
Son Woman
No, of course not. What has father been telling you? But why did you come to us to deliver this message? And how come I
never heard this before?
Woman
I don't know - I'm confused. What sense is there to a universe where Son
goodness and justice don't exist? I delivered the message because it needed saying. You never heard it
because your race couldn't stand to hear it. They distorted it beyond all
Son recognition.
None whatsoever.
Woman
Woman But...but...(pause)...wait a second - you said I was God, right?
Then there is no point to existence?
Son
Son Why weren't you more explicit? Why have you let your message be
Yup. perverted? You could have saved me! If only I had known...(she falls to
his knees in anguish).
Woman (Pause)
Then, as God, I can make a meaning for the universe, can't I?
Son
Son There is one piece of good news, though.
(Beaming)
Exactly! You make your own meaning! Stop looking for it elsewhere. Woman
Happiness - the Kingdom of God - is within you. Someone else put it a (Looking up hopefully)
different way: you are already the Buddha. It is this knowledge itself that What is it?
makes it so.
Son
Woman You can stop feeling sorry for yourself - because your self doesn't exist.
Then what was the meaning of my life?
Woman
Son (Holding head and screaming)
You tell me. Please! No more! I can't take any more of this!
Woman Son
(Breaking down - beginning to cry) Okay, suit yourself. But you've come this far, you might as well hear the
I'm afraid that there wasn't one. I spent so much time looking for the whole truth.
meaning elsewhere that I never got around to creating one...
Woman
Son No! Stop! I don't want to hear any more!
Then you truly have been damned. As I said, "he that believeth me not
shall not see life." Son
Okay - I have to go anyway. See ya...
Woman
This is terrible... Woman
Wait! What am I supposed to do now?
Son
Yes, It always is. Son
It doesn't really matter. What do you want to do?
Woman
(Crying out)
Woman on - he is dressed like an oriental sage. Woman doesn’t seem to recognize

(Pauses) him, though.)
I want to go back to the way I used to think.
Old Master
Son Headache?
Well, then, go ahead.
Woman
Woman (Looking up, startled)
How can I do that? I already know too much! Who are you?
Son Old Master

(Sneering) Do you always answer a question with a question?
Oh, please!
(Pauses) Woman
What's the problem? You were fooling yourself before, why not continue What kind of answer is that?
to fool yourself now?
Old Master
Woman What kind did you expect?
But I didn't know I was fooling myself before; now I know. I can't erase
that. Woman
(Sighing)
Son I have no energy for such word games.
Hmmm. Sounds to me like your S.O.L.
Old Master
Woman Why not?
S.O.L.?
Woman
Son I've just been told that I don't exist.
Let’s just say you’re out of luck.
Old Master
Woman Don't believe everything you hear.
Thanks alot.
Son
Well, see ya!
(Son exists. Woman is on stage, alone, head in hands, rocking back and
forth. Old Master appears. Old Master is really God with a poor disguise
Woman Really? Should I pray for the answer?

(Brightens; stands up)
Then I do exist? Old Master
All prayers are answered...
Old Master
No, of course not - its just generally good advice. Woman
Thank God!
Woman (Kneels, folds hands)
(Slumps back down) Please God - I beseech thee; grant me the comfort of full understanding...
Great. Sage advice turns out to be vacuous platitudes - Jesus! (Long pause while waiting for something to happen)
(Speaking to Old Master)
Son Well?
(Off stage - over microphone)
What? Old Master
All prayers are answered - though sometimes the answer is "no."
Woman
(Loudly, responding) Woman
Sorry! Never mind! (Standing, disgusted)
I've had enough of this!
Old Master
Well - don't worry - everything works out for the best. Old Master
No you haven't - you've had too little.
Woman
(Again interested - stands) Woman
It does? (Really angry now)
What are you talking about? Could you please make just a little bit of
Old Master sense?
Well, except that one last thing that usually does you in.
Old Master
Woman Sensibility is not in the speaker, but in the listener. It is up to you to make
Why are you doing this to me? All I want are a few straight answers. sense out of what I say, not for me to speak sensibly.
Old Master Woman

Ask, and it shall be given you. But if there is no sense in what you say, how can I make sense out of it?
Woman
Old Master universe as revolving around themselves. This is an illusion, because the
There is no statue in a lump of clay, and yet an artist can bring one forth "self" is an illusion.
from it.
Woman
Woman But how can I not exist? I feel, I hear, I taste, I think - therefore I am.
But an artist creates the statue from the raw material...
Old Master
Old Master Verbal chicanery. A trick of words. You say "I think" and therefore there
As you yourself make sense from the raw material of your senses...usually. must be an I that thinks - but if I said "the heffleumps are coming," you
You are rapidly losing this ability. wouldn't take that as evidence that they exist, would you? Why should
you accept that you exist just because you hear yourself talking? What
Woman you call your "self" is just a sound in one corner of the universe - an echo.
Am I going mad?
Woman
Old Master An echo?
No, your going sane.
Old Master
Woman An echo.
Why do I feel as though my entire universe is slipping out from under me?
Woman
Old Master It is?
Because it is. Your universe has been like a cocoon around you for your
entire life; it is breaking away now, and you are beginning to glimpse the Old Master
reality beyond. It is necessarily a very disturbing event. It is.
(Pause)
Woman A bat can tell its position by bouncing sounds off of its surroundings. In
But what is this new reality? one sense, the bat gets a sense of "self" by interpolating the intersection of
the echoes. "Where the echoes meet, there is me," so to speak. We are all
Old Master just the intersection of the universal echoes.
The reality where you don't exist.
Woman
Woman I don't feel like an echo.
That's what the other guy said...
Old Master
Right. The hardest thing for a human to do is to imagine his own non-
existence. All humans are basically solipsistic; they see the entire
Old Master the board. Woman stumbles forward, lands on her knees. As she stands,
This is a learned behavior. When you were an infant, you interacted with we see a beatific expression on her face - she has made the leap.
your environment directly, like an animal does. As you learned to speak, Triumphant music is sounded, a light appears around her. She smiles and
you learned to symbolize things - soon the symbols became more stretches out her arms in a gesture of love for the universe. Old Master
important than the things they symbolized. Eventually, you developed the removes his mask, revealing God. As the music subsides, God removes
ultimate symbol - your self. And this symbol is more important to you robe, ceremoniously handing it to Woman, who accepts it with great
than any other. dignity. As Woman takes hold of the robe, God leaps toward her and
pokes her with his finger.)
Woman
But how can I use this knowledge? Even if it is true, what good is it? God
Tag! You're it!
Old Master (God runs off stage - lights go down.)
You can use this knowledge to obtain happiness. Once you understand
that your highest goal is to be like water, you will let go of the pain.
Woman
Why should I be like water?
Old Master
Water is the ideal symbol. It flows, it is supple. It occupies the lowest
places and yet nothing can live without it. And, most importantly, it
reflects.
Woman
Why is that good?
Old Master
The highest state is to be a reflection, an echo, of the universe. Don't let
your ego hinder the flow of the universe through you. Filtering the
universe through the ego does nothing but distort it. The universe is
distorted enough already - don't add to the mutilation. Let the universe be.
(Woman steps away, turning his back, unable to make the leap. Then she
turns, brightening, but she turns away again. She is conflicted. She
repeats these turns several times, during which time the Old Master
retrieves a large wooden board, unnoticed by Woman. As Woman stands,
still conflicted, Old Master hits her hard across the back of the head with

Judgment A One Act Play by Steven C. Shaffer: Woman

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Judgment A One Act Play by Steven C. Shaffer: Woman

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Judgment Woman

Woman Then you know what we will do before we do it?

I see - so our concept of fairness is an illusion also?

But how is free will implicit in the ability to learn?

And what was the message?

By saying "point," you are presupposing a goal. The answer is,

Woman on - he is dressed like an oriental sage. Woman doesn’t seem to recognize

Son Old Master

Woman Really? Should I pray for the answer?

Old Master Woman

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