“Quasi-Death Experience: A Panel Discussion”

Introduction to the Third Resource Person/The Third Share

Mr. Raphael Leysa

A student of Bachelor of Secondary Education Major in Social Studies at LSPU-

SPCC who is aspiring to become an educator, explore and travel the world

Speech:

Hello, Good afternoon people. How are you today? Are you all alright, alive?

Wait, I would like to ask you a question. Do you want to die? To those people who

wanted to die, raise your hand. Alright, how about those people who disliked to die? How

about the others, undecided?

So, why did I ask that question? It is because one day, in a blink of light, in a split

of millisecond, days, months, and years; all of us are going to die. No jokes aside, all of

us will eventually die. We might die later, in the next minute, or hours, day, week, or

decades; right? No one will live forever. So why am I saying all of these? It is because

we are lucky for we are living our lives to the fullest; we are enjoying the life that is

bestowed upon by the Lord and drop it unto us. We are lucky, right?

So, what is the reason why am I standing here today? I know that the word

“bullying” was very open to us now; bullying and discrimination. Yes, I am a proud

member of the LGBT QIA+ community. You were all probably wondering of what is the

significance of those things that I have mentioned earlier here in the Quasi-Death

Experience.
 I was bullied by my classmates ever since I was in elementary. No one will be

able to notice it because I was always smiling and I tend to laugh a lot. I always throw

jokes and look oddly weird sometimes. I always wear a mask, a mask that shows the

good side of me even though on the inside I was much wrecked. Yes, my heart is like a

glass but mine was already powderized. That is how painful it was, I was always

offended, bullied physically and emotionally to extent that you wanted to withdraw

yourself out of this world that is full of misery and depression.

You can’t see not a single sign of depression in me right? Look at me, I am just

standing here. It is really painful on the inside and the only way for it to end is to die. I

grew up not having my Father by my side, one that shall tell me to become straight. We

are an all-girls family. Most of my cousins were girls. I have my grandmother and my

mother by my side. My grandfather was in abroad. So, I don’t really have a Father figure.

That made me think that I am like this because I was like this, and I act like this.

In school, I was a softy, a gay perhaps. But the feeling was different when it’s you

who was getting stepped on by people. Sometimes I just avoid it and think of the purpose

as to why I am here today. I told myself, “I don’t want to die.” If I die, I will no longer be

capable to do all the things I aspire to do. Yes, it’s true because when you die, you’re

nothing but just a skeleton that gets withered and be eaten by the ground. So what will

happen when you die?

One time, I thought of taking my life and making my death possible. It happened

years ago when I was in Senior High School. It was the time where I was bombarded by

things that stressed me out. Maybe my classmates had no ideas. Most of my classmates
are here in CAS. They don’t know anything about it and I am not planning on telling

them. I am only saying these things today because I finally went out of my comfort zone.

I want to speak in front of you.

On that day that I decided to take my life, I don’t remember what I took. All I

know that it was enclosed in a bottle and it was already expired. I don’t know what it was

called. I was greatly influence of the shows I watched back then. They just drank

whatever there is inside the bottle. So I did it as well. Was there person in their right state

of mind who will do that? No one, it was only I. After I did that, I lay in my bed with my

rosary on my chest and played as if I was dead.

Suddenly, I felt like the thing that I drank has an effect on my body. It felt like my

soul was being pulled out of my body and I see darkness. I saw a dark atmosphere that

feels really light; there were also sparkly lights that made me feel like I was in the outer

space. I was floating in nowhere and it felt good. I felt no pain on those times that I felt

like I was being stepped on by other people. I was like, “was this heaven already?”

Some say that when you took your life, you will go straight to hell. I don’t know

but it felt light as if I was already in heaven. I stayed a bit on that state but suddenly I

asked myself why I ever did that. I wanted to be a teacher and I f ever will not be able to

my normal state; my dreams will be shattered just like my heart. Luckily, there was a

voice that whispered on my ear that says, “You can do it. You can surpass your feelings

and emotions. You can be better. You can be the better version of yourself.” No matter

who you are yesterday, when you attain success, no one will step on you anymore. No,
you’re not going to be the one who shall step on others but you will feel very satisfied

like you already served your purpose in life.

I prayed to the Lord, “I want to go back, if you’ll allow me.” then it happened.

My sister was waking me up and then all of it felt like I just woke up from a dream even

though I slept for about 24 hours. It felt like I came back in my body. If we will say

death is evil, death is pain, no it is not. Death is the lightest thing that can happen to us as

humans because after we did all of the things that we needed to do, we can die

peacefully. We can’t think of anything but our legacy that shall live on when we die.

I am thankful that I was speaking and sharing this experience because I believe

that death is not that bad. Death is somewhat we call a blessing because there is more of

us when we die. And I think that the Lord will welcome us in his home, in his hands, and

in his love. Just like what I mentioned earlier in my introduction, after I graduate I will

teach and I planned to travel the world to tell my experience and tell others that death is

not bad, it is good.

That is all, thank you and may God bless us all.