A Term Paper on

RELIGION_INTRO_AND_DIVORCE

For partial fulfilment of the requirements of the course GNS 301

Instructor: Mr Adediran

Submitted by
name
matric

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RELIGION_INTRO_AND_DIVORCE

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PAPER CONTENTS:
ABSTRACT
INTRODUCTION
DETAILED CONTENTS
CONCLUSION
Reference

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 CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
1.1. Definition of Terms

In today’s society, divorce has become a normal thing in our lives.

Married couples today are getting a divorce due to many different
reasons, either because a spouse having an affair, a loss of romantic
feelings, conflicts in the marriage, and other types of problems. Most
divorces have children that are really young and due to their age they
don’t have any idea on how to deal with the type of situation. All of us
here live in the state of Kansas, we all go to Olathe South High School,
and we all have a friend or know of someone who has dealt with divorce.

We have all experienced this or know how it works in some way whether
going through it ourselves or not. Children are the ones who are normally
affected the most; they will have to learn to deal with their parent’s
divorce at such a young age, affecting them in a positive or negative way.

Although, divorce really is not a good thing, sometimes it can be positive

such as; children being happy, parents being happy, and allowing them to
mature. Parents being separated can be better for the kids because then
they do not have to deal with the parents fighting. If they are put in better
and stable environments, it can affect them in positive ways. Sometimes
it is also better for the child if they have been in the environment of

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abuse, such as; parent, brother, sister, or themselves being abused. If
parents are happy then more than likely the kids are happy, because the
children look up to the parents. Better communication skills in the long
run will help parents and children be more understanding with one
another. Not many divorces end well or even start off good but it can be a
better thing for everyone in the family depending on the situation.

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 CHAPTER TWO

REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE

A. Literature 1
Does Divorce Have an Effect on Children?
Ashley Richard

The Issue:

The topic I chose for my paper was divorce and whether it leads
to long-term negative consequences for children or not. I found this topic
very intriguing because I am actually a child of two divorced parents and
have always wondered why I dealt with my parents’ divorce differently
than other children of divorced parents. Also, I found this to be a good
subject to research because of the large number of divorce that takes
place in our country. If we knew the answer to this question, in the future
we could help parents of broken marriages use the correct approaches
when dealing with their divorce.

Major Findings:

After all my research on divorce and its long term effects on

children, I have realized now that there is no simple answer. The outcome
of the divorce varies per family and because of several different factors.
However, after reviewing my journal source, I realized that the marital
status of being divorce, the amount of control the parents have, and the
quality of the parenting skills are the factors that directly cause the largest
amount of negative effects on a child’s behavior. Furthermore, the sex of
the parent with custody, the economic strain in the household, co-parental

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conflicts, and the custodial parent’s difficulty in coping with their
multiple roles are the factors that indirectly cause a smaller amount of
negative effects on the child. I also learned that when children experience
negative effects from divorce they experience it in two different ways, by
internalizing and externalizing behavior. When a child is internalizing
they seem to have too much control over t heir emotional state and
express it by being shy or by depression. When a child is externalizing
they don’t have control over the emotions they are feeling and they will
express them by being aggressive and acting out. Therefore, while the
effect divorce has on children varies family to family, sibling who
experience the same divorce would most likely have the same effects
since they come from the same family circumstances. Also, depending on
the age of the child, they may experience different ways of dealing with
the divorce and then these ways can turn into other outcomes after years
pass. For instance, females seem to adapt to divorce easier than males but
when they get older they are the ones that are most impacted by the
divorce when it comes to their own intimate relationships.

B. Literature II
Divorce and its Effects on Children
Marcus Johnson

Does a divorce between parents have long lasting effects on children? If

so, in what ways are they affected? Coming from a family of divorced
parents, I have always been interested in what research says about this
topic in comparison with my own personal experiences. It is important

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for these questions to be answered so that we are well aware of what our
children go through in the event of a divorce.

There are a lot of aspects in a divorce that affect children in ways

that aren’t always apparent. For instance, one of the most important
things that a child feels while being raised in a happily married family is
a sense of security. It’s difficult to maintain this sense of security during
the traumatic events that take place during a divorce. Also, a divorce can
cause children to become vulnerable when dealing with relationships of
their own. Children of divorce have a desire to be wanted or appreciated,
and may gain a skewed image of a healthy relationship. Finally, one of
the most noticeable effects a divorce has on children is a gaining of
resentment towards the parents. Often feeling cheated and caught in the
middle, kids will often act out in ways that they would not normally do.
These actions are all considered to be direct results of a divorce.

One of the sources that I found useful when doing my research

was an article written by Alan L. Frankel, L.C.S.W, called Divorce and
its Effects on kids, which outlined some of the things that children
experience when dealing with a divorce. Also a book called, Children of
Divorce, by Craig A Everett provided information about the role that
children play in the family that is dealing with a divorce. Finally, one of
my favorite sources was an interview with Robert Hughes, Jr, PhD, titled
Divorce and Children. It provided answers to specific questions
regarding the responses by children who go through a divorce. These

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and many other sources provided information from different perspectives
that helped me gain understanding on the subject of divorce, and the long
term effects it has on children.

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 CHAPTER THREE

CONTENT AND DISCUSSION

Positive and Negative factors of divorce

Divorce is hardest on the kids is not just an empty phrase (Kent Bebor d,
1997). For children, the home and the daily strong presence of mom and
dad is their whole reality. That home is all they have known since birth
and when it is suddenly torn apart by divorce that can turn into the
biggest trauma of that child's life (E. Burciaga interview, 2012). So it is a
good idea for both parents to think through how they will help the kids
come out of the divorce process with a little negative impact as possible.
Communication is the key to help your kids deal with the effects on
children after divorce. The actual negotiations for how the divorce will
conclude including the property and visitation rights should be done
primarily by the adults. But if you let the kids tell you their feelings,
positive and negative about the divorce, that can do a lot to ease the
transition (E. Burciaga interview, 2012). Those talks can also be used to
assure the children that they did not cause the divorce and that they are
still totally loved by both parents. There is a lot of insecurity children
feel when parents split up because they need to know who is going to
take care of them. So use then see times of regular talks as a family with
mom and dad there and with individual kids one on one to reassure them
that they will never be away from someone to care for their need as much
as possible, do not let the children experience any change in lifestyle due
to the divorce. But both parents should be sure that the children do not
have to sacrifice for this change (Kent Bebor d, 1997). As adults, better

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you just deal with the awkwardness so that you minimize how much the
divorces will impact the lives of the children.

Since the children will spend time with each parent individually, each
parent must make it a top priority that the youngsters never hear about
the tension that the divorce may be causing. Do not criticize the other
parent or complain about them in the presence of the children. If
questions come up about the divorce, you can minimize the negative
effects on children after divorce by having a soft and loving answer so
they do not feel at risk because mom and dad are apart (E. Burciaga
interview, 2012). They should never hear about budget problems and
they should never hear mom and dad fight (E. Burciaga interview, 2012).
These will be hard rules to keep but they should be top level rules so that
the emotional effects on divorce children are kept at a minimum. One of
the best ways to make sure your kids experience positive effects of
divorce on children is to keep them connected to treasured family
members including aunts, uncles and their cousins. (Kent Bebor d, 1997).

Short-terms and Long-terms of divorce on children

Short-term effects

Various factors lead to negative effects towards children who feel

abandoned and they feel that they have greater responsibilities as they are
less cared for. The other factor that comes is non-custodial parent
(Richard Corliss and Lisa Mclaughlin, 2002). This is where the parent
most likely the father disengages with time with their children after

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divorce both physically and emotionally. Father Child relationship is
paramount for long development of the children failure to which the
children experiences emotional frustrations and confusion in their life.

Some of specific short-term affects those children experiences are anger.

The child may experience difficulties in controlling his/her temper after
divorce. They also have difficulties in controlling their sadness. They feel
solemn due to what happened in their lives unable to contemplate what
they are supposed to do. Most of the due to prolonged sadness and anger
may develop depression. Others tend to be impulsive. “After divorce the
affected children are constantly in interpersonal conflict with each as they
become non-compliant to many issues that may cause conflicts
Furstenberg” (Richard Corliss and Lisa Mclaughlin, 2002). They may
experience economic hardship as they may receive low parental
supervision. This may lead to dismal performance in their education in
school.

Long term effects of divorce to children

The long term consequences of parental divorce for adult attainment and
quality of life may prove to be more serious than the short-term
emotional and social problems in children. As a result of sleeper effect,
children are capable of recovering quickly from the effect of divorce
especially with regard to short term effects (www.childeranddivorce.com,
2007). But an s a result of self-denial, there are possibilities of feelings
with regards to divorce re-emerging later in life. “It has been established
that most of the traumatic experiences at childhood for instance physical
abuse or sexual assault/abuse are usually forgotten in the short while but

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later manifest themselves when one grows up” (Rachel Cusk, 2012 p.
101). Additionally, children feel a strong feeling of sorrow regarding
their parents. It is worth noting that there are incidences that the children
hold the opinion that their life is even much better since they have come
out stronger and independent as a result of their parents divorcing.
However, in their words, it was clear that they had some bitterness; this is
attributed to having gone through poorer physical health (Kent Bebor d,
1997). On the same note they had persistent problem with; fear of
betrayal, rejection and abandonment, low life satisfaction, anger and
hostility, depression in early adulthood, increased level of anxiety in their
late teenage years and a reduced psychological health.

In terms of social; being, individuals were poorly adapted to socializing

resulting to decline in capabilities of creating, nurturing and maintaining
a stable and supportive friendship and dates, high risk of divorcing in
adulthood, engaging in sexual activities at a very early age, daughters
from divorced families get married early, give birth out of wedlock and
divorce, these children have no or very little trust on their partners, not
fully committed and intimate (Rachel Cusk, 2012 p.89). Additionally,
these group of children with regards to their parents, they are less
affectionate to them, less or no contact at all and turn to be more
conservative adopting a more traditional approach to marriage and
family.

How does divorce influence children’s social development?

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As children grow up, there are many aspects of their lives which
influence and affect their development and behaviors (Heather
Havrilesky, 2006). One of the most important facets during this time
period of development is the parental figures in their life. They play a
large role in the social and emotional behaviors a child will possess
during childhood and later in life as well. The way a parent socializes
may have a slight amount to do with their genetic makeup, but due to the
child's interactions with and observations of, the parents contribute more
to the social and empathy related development than heredity does (E.
Burciaga interview, 2012). Children form very strong emotional feelings
about themselves and once they have made up their mind, it is very hard
to convince them otherwise. If parents tell their children that they are
stupid, that is what they're going to believe because they don't know any
better (Heather Havrilesky, 2006). They have grown up listening to their
parents and trusting what they say. A parent, who shows concern and
compassion for the child, will help their child develop a high level of
self-esteem. “A national longitudinal study on adolescent health found
that parental connectedness (including feelings of warmth, love, and
caring from parents) was protective against many adolescent health risks
including emotional health”. (Richard Corliss and Lisa Mclaughlin,
2002). It has been proven that children feel better about themselves when
they know their parents are interested in their lives and what they do. In
the same experiment, these researchers found that family variables are
associated with diagnoses of Major Depression, Conduct Disorder,
(Richard Corliss and Lisa Mclaughlin, 2002). The way a parent behaves

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around their children has a large part in how children's emotions will
develop and how they will see themselves.

How divorce influence the financial well-begin of children?

“Divorce is not only an emotionally trying experience, but it can be a

financially devastating one, as well. Married life generally means two
incomes. And if one spouse is in charge of staying home and caring for
the house, the other spouse's income is generally large enough to
compensate for the split in responsibilities” (Linda J. Waite and Maggie
Gallagher, 2009). When you get divorced however, everything changes.
You are left with one income and all of the responsibilities in the
household (Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, 2009). This means if
you were previously responsible for taking care of the house and the
children, you now need to find a job. And if you were previously
responsible for paying all the bills, you may now need to cut back on
your work hours in order to care for the house and children.

Divorce is a long and difficult process, both emotionally and logistically

(Rachel Cusk, 2012). It can also do great financial harm to both parties.
While no time is ideal to get a divorce, certain times are better or worse
financially than others. Divorce becomes exponentially more complicated
when minor children are involved. Custody issues must be worked out
and financial support arrangements put in place (Heather Havrilesky,
2006). If you and your spouse will have less combined income with
which to support the children, as you will each have separate living costs.
When the children are involved, their well-being should be both parents'

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primary concern. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Spouses
paying child support sometimes feel that the custodial ex-spouse is
squandering the child support money, or that the child support is
exorbitant (Richard Corliss and Lisa Mclaughlin, 2002).

If the divorcing couple has young children there are additional costs
which can be substantial (Rachel Cusk, 2012 p. 128). If one spouse
simply abandons the family and disappears, the other spouse gets full
custody but also has to assume the full cost of raising the children, the
court may require the absent former spouse to pay child support, but it is
generally up to the spouse with custody to track down the former spouse
and provide that information to the court before the civil authorities will
enforce the ruling. (Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, 2009) The cost
of finding and collecting the money generally falls on the spouse seeking
the support. If both spouses are present and one gets full custody the
other will often be given visitation rights “as well as usually having to
pay child support” (Rachel Cusk, 2012 p. 129). If the couple lives in the
same city the financial cost is small as it usually simply amounts to
paying for a little extra gasoline by one or both to pick-up and drop off
the children for the visitation rights. (Linda J. Waite and Maggie
Gallagher, 2009) However, if they live in different states this can result
in flying the children back and forth which is considerably more
expensive. In hostile divorces where one or both spouses continue their
fighting which led to the divorce, visitation rights often become another
area of dispute which frequently end up in court with both having to
incur attorney and other fees.

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 CHAPTER FOUR

CONCLUSION

Divorce is draining emotionally, psychologically and financially for

children and for the single parent. Children have emotional scars from the
tragedy which they will most probably carry over to their next
generation. Also the consequences of divorce involve a financial impact
in the families but especially at parents in the way of supporting their
children. They have seen that rather than live in a regular bickering
conflict ridden relationship it is better to separate, and also if the parents
can solve their family problems they can try to prevent their divorce. In
the end one thing is for certain divorce is on the whole bad for the parents
and harms children who are the hardest hit.

In conclusion, divorce certainly brings detrimental effect on children

emotionally, psychologically and financially, and the effects are long-
term. Couples with troubled marriages, especially those who already
have children should try all means to make the relationship work. In
circumstances where divorce could not be avoided, parents should
consider keeping the child out of the conflicts that takes place between
them. A positive adult role model should surround the child at all times if
possible during the divorce and the period right after the divorce to
provide the child with good vibrations and support (www.ces.ncsu.edu).
The child should be constantly comforted that he or she is always loved
despite the divorce in order to avoid the child from developing a feeling
of guilt that they had caused the divorce.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

 Children and Divorce. (n.d.). Retrieved May 30, 2007 from

Pennsylvania Dutch Country Welcome Center Web site:
http://www.childrenanddivorce.com
 Corliss, R., Mclaughlin, L. (2002, January 28). The family and
divorce. Does divorce hurt kids.MagazineTime, 127, 11-12.
 Cusk, R.,(2012) Aftermath: On Mariage and Separation: Life After
Marriage. Divorce is only a darkness. Retrieved august 9, 2012
from Discovering Collection database.
 DeBord, K. (1997). Focus on kids: The effects of divorce on
children. North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service.
 “Figure 1. The Effects of Divorce on Kids over time, MI by
Google (2007).”
 Havrilesky, H., (2006, July 6). The Divorce Delusion. New York
Times. (New York, NY), p 1B Retrieved February 28, 2007 from
Lexis-Nexis Universe/General News database. Waite, L.,
Gallagher, M., (2009). What are the possible financial
consequences of divorce?, 43, pp. 89-130.
 328 Valarie King, “The Legacy of a Grandparent’s Divorce:
Consequences for Ties Between
 Grandparents and Grandchildren,” Journal of Marriage and the
Family 65 (2003): 176. 329 Paul R. Amato and Jacob Cheadle,
“The Long Reach of Divorce: Divorce and Child WellBeing

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 Across Three Generations,” Journal of Marriage and Family 67
(2005): 191. 330 Paul R. Amato and Jacob Cheadle, “The Long
Reach of Divorce: Divorce and Child WellBeing
 Across Three Generations,” Journal of Marriage and Family 67
(2005): 201. 331 William S. Aquilino, “Later-Life Parental
Divorce and Widowhood: Impact on Young Adults’
 Assessment of Parent-Child Relations,” Journal of Marriage and
Family 56 (1994): 918. 332 Between 1960 and 1990, there has
been a 41 percent decline in marriage. The number of
 always-single persons has risen from 21 million in 1970 to 46
million in 1996. At the same time,
 cohabitation has jumped from 430,000 in 1960 to 4.25 million in
1998, an increase by a factor of
 10. The literature also shows that cohabitation itself is linked to an
increased likelihood of
 divorce: those who cohabit before marriage divorce at twice the
rate of those who do not. Also,
 40 percent of cohabitors separate before marrying; these former
cohabitors, when they finally
 marry, divorce at twice the rate of those who marry their first
cohabiting partner and at about
 four times the rate of those who do not cohabit before marriage.
See: Larry L. Bumpass,
 “What’s Happening to the Family? Interactions Between
Demographic and Institutional

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