Assignment 3 Instructions

Prompt 1: Take a moment to reflect on your scores on the Conflict Styles Inventory, and
respond to the following questions:

a) What was your highest score? Do you agree with the assessment? Name the style and
discuss your perceptions regarding this style with respect to your own thoughts
regarding how you approach conflict situations. Provide an example from your own life
of your experience with this style of conflict (either using the style yourself, or as
employed by someone else in a conflict situation). Be specific.

My highest score is integrating, which seems pretty spot on with what I would have
classified myself as. Integrating to me is someone who is self-motivated but also one that
can see they need their peers and team to come along for them to fully succeed. When
thinking about this I see it very clearly being shown all the time in my work environment.
My position is always trying to find new ways to solve budget gaps and we are
incentivized to do so personally and as a team. While I push through with my ideas and
plans to finish first, I also have to ensure I am bringing my team along with me to hit the
other half of my incentive. There are times where I have to accept that the ideas my peers
are bringing to the table could work towards closing in any gaps. This show integrating
when having to take into consideration the full thoughts and feeling from my team and
myself to find a solution that works for both to be successful.

b) What was your second-highest score? Was it very close to your highest score, or
significantly lower? Do you agree with the assessment? Discuss your perceptions
regarding this style (and any interactions with your highest score) with respect to how
you approach conflict situations. Provide an example from your own life of your
experience with this style of conflict (either using the style yourself, or as employed by
someone else in a conflict situation). Be specific.

My second highest score was really close to the first one and only off by .4 and is
dominating. To me this is not fully accurate as to my life and how I lead within the
organization that I work in. The dominating style cares little about relationships and
more on personal goals and development. When thinking about my life I would think
that this is untrue in that I believe I will only succeed if my team is successful as well.

c) Discuss one thing that works pretty well about your preferred conflict style; in other
words, what is one advantage for you about it?

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 I would say the advantage of integrating is that it makes both parties full examine what
their position is. For me it opens up a line of communication where there is the ability to
see things fully from both perspectives. When this happens it is easier to come up with a
solution where neither party is compromising and feeling like the were not heard or
valued.

d) Discuss one disadvantage you’ve found in using your preferred conflict style.

One of the biggest disadvantages with integrating is the time that it takes to get things
accomplished and resolved. When you have to slow things down and think about the
logic from both sides it can take some time.

e) Finally, what is one specific way you could improve your general approach to conflict?
(This answer might include incorporating more of one of your lower scores, etc.)

Personally what I would like to work on would be bringing up my lowest score and
finding ways to bring accommodating to life. I feel like having such a huge gap between
my top score and my bottom score could hurt me in my professional life moving forward.
There are times when being accommodating could be very beneficial to work
relationships and I find myself being closed off and not wanting to give in.

Prompt 2: INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following five scenarios (a – e), identify at least
one of Gibb’s categories of defense-arousing communication (McCann textbook, page 257-
260). Then rewrite the original statement in a way that replaces the defense-arousing
statement with more supportive language. Then add two of your own scenarios (f – g)
following a similar format, based on experiences.

Following are Gibb’s categories:

Evaluation vs. Description
Control vs. Problem Orientation
Strategy vs. Spontaneity
Neutrality vs. Empathy
Superiority vs. Equality
Certainty vs. Provisionalism

Example: Girl to her older brother: “You don’t have a life. All you do is play on the
computer!”

Types of defense-arousing communication: evaluation, certainty

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More supportive way of communicating: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been playing
on your computer several hours a day lately. I’m concerned that you might be neglecting
the other aspects of your life. Can we talk about this?”

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a) Girl to her ex-boyfriend: “You’re never going to graduate from high school, and you’ll just
end up in a blue-collar job for the rest of your life!”

Types of defense-arousing communication: evaluation, certainty

More supportive way of communicating: “I’ve noticed that you are having some trouble with
your school work, what can I do to help you succeed?”

b) One person to coworker: “You keep whining about missing your girlfriend, and we’re tired of
listening to you. Why don’t you just move to Arizona so you can be with her?”

Types of defense-arousing communication: Neutrality, control

More supportive way of communicating: “I know you miss you girlfriend, distance can be
such a hard part of a relationship. Have you thought about moving closer to your girlfriend
in Arizona?”

c) Girl to her brother: “If I thought about business half as much as you do, I’d be 10 times more
successful than you.”

Types of defense-arousing communication: Superiority, Neutrality

More supportive way of communicating: “I love how excited you are about business, what
are you plans for the future?”

d) One person to her brother: “All you do is party. You’re wasting the money
Mom and Dad are spending to put you through school.”

Types of defense-arousing communication: Certainty, Evaluation

More supportive way of communicating: “I’ve noticed you have been having a really fun time
at school. Are you still maintaining good grades, to show mom and dad that you appreciate
them spending the money to send you?”

e) A boss to an employee: “You’re always taking time off work to take care of your baby. I’m
going to have to let you go if this continues.”

Types of defense-arousing communication: Neutrality, Certainty

More supportive way of communicating:

“I’ve noticed you’re having to take a lot of personal time lately; is there anything I can do to
ensure you have a better work life balance?”

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f) Your Example 1: A boss to an employee: “You are not getting things done fast enough for the
needs of the business.

Types of defense-arousing communication: Certainty, Evaluation

More supportive way of communicating: “I’ve noticed you’ve missed some deadlines, what
can we do to help support you and your work?”

g) Your Example 2: Parent to child; “If you drop out of college, you will be stuck in a dead end
job. Is that the life you want for yourself?”

Types of defense-arousing communication: evaluation, certainty

More supportive way of communicating: “what makes you want to stop taking classes, do
you think it will help you to succeed in life if you finish school?”

Prompt 3: INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following five scenarios (a – e), identify two
different ways you could respond non-defensively to the speaker – then add two of your own
scenarios (f – g) following a similar format, based on experiences. (Adapted from Activity
10.4, page 265 in the second edition of the textbook).

In your responses, choose from the following non-defensive response styles:

Ask for specifics

Guess about specifics
Paraphrase speaker’s ideas
Ask what the critic wants
Ask about the consequences of your behavior
Ask what else is wrong
Agree with the critic’s perception

Example: A boss says to an employee: “Don’t ever treat a customer that way again!”
One type of non-defensive response: Ask what the critic wants
How you could say it: “What would you like me to do differently next time?”
Second type of non-defensive response: agree with the truth
How you could say it: “You’re right; I lost my temper. I’m sorry.”

A- A mom says to her daughter: “If you move in with those other girls you’ll just end up
fighting with them because you have a hard personality to live with.”

Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

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 How you could say it: “What things do you think would be big enough for us to fight
over.”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the critic’s perception

How you could say it: “You’re right we all have hard personalities, maybe moving in
together isn’t the best idea.”

b- A husband to his wife: “Must be nice to have a day off to just do whatever you want.”

Non-defensive response type: Ask what the critic wants

How you could say it: “Is there anything you would like to me to do today?”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with critics perception

How you could say it: “we do both work hard and earn our vacation time, today I will be
relaxing”

c- A guy to his girlfriend: “You spend way too much money on clothes.”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the critics perception

How you could say it: “I do spend a lot of money on clothing, I have been making sure to
watch my spending in other areas.”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the truth

How you could say it: “You’re right I have been spending too much money lately and
should cut back.”

d- One roommate to another: “You’re neurotic!”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the truth

How you could say it: “You’re right, lately I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety from
work.”

Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

How you could say it: “Can you provide some examples of how I am acting neurotic
around you?”

e- A girl to her boyfriend: “Your life is out of control—you have no direction!”

Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

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 How you could say it: “Can you provide some examples of how I am acting out of
control?”

Non-defensive response type: Ask what the critic wants

How you could say it: “In what ways would you like to see me change to better my life?”

f- Your Example 1: You are not getting things done fast enough for the needs of the
business.

Non-defensive response type: Ask what the critic wants

How you could say it: “ What can I do to ensure that you I’m am meeting all of the
expectations that you have for me.”

Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

How you could say it: “What projects or deadlines have I not made satisfactorily?”

g- Your Example 2: “If you drop out of college, you will be stuck in a dead end job. Is that
the life you want for yourself?”

Non-defensive response type: Agree with the critics perspective

How you could say it: “You’re right I should stick with it and get my degree.”

Non-defensive response type: Ask what the critic wants

How you could say it: “ what do you think I should do?”

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 CONFLICT STYLE INVENTORY (For Prompt #1)

PART 1
INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following statements, choose a number between 1 and 7 that
represents the degree to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
(1= strongly disagree, 7=strongly agree)

1. I generally try to satisfy the needs of my peers. 3

2. I try to work out a compromise that gives both of us some of what we want. 3
3. I try to work with my peers to find solutions that satisfy our expectations. 5
4. I usually avoid open discussions of differences with my peers. 6
5. I exert pressure on my peers to make decisions in my favor. 5
6. I try to find a middle course or compromise to resolve an impasse. 2
7. I use my influence to get my ideas accepted. 6
8. I use my authority to get decisions made in my favor. 5
9. I usually accommodate the wishes of my peers. 4
10. I give in to the wishes of my peers. 3
11. I bargain with my peers so that a middle ground can be reached. 2
12. I exchange information with my peers to solve a problem together. 6
13. I sometimes bend over backwards to accommodate the desires of my peers. 1
14. I sometimes take a moderate position so that a compromise can be reached. 3
15. I usually propose a middle ground for breaking deadlocks. 3
16. I negotiate with my peers so that a compromise can be reached. 5
17. I try to stay away from disagreement with my peers. 2
18. I avoid conflict situations with my peers. 3
19. I use my expertise to make others decide in my favor. 5
20. I often go along with the suggestions of my peers. 2
21. I try to give and take so that a compromise can be made. 3
22. I try to bring all our concerns out in the open so that the issues can be resolved in the best
possible way. 5
23. I collaborate with my peers to come up with decisions acceptable to us. 5
24. I try to satisfy the expectations of my peers. 3
25. I sometimes use my power to win a competitive situation. 4
26. I try to keep my disagreement with my peers to myself in order to avoid hard feelings. 2
27. I try to avoid unpleasant exchanges with my peers. 4
28. I keep disagreements with my peers to myself to prevent disrupting our relationship. 2
29. I try to work with my peers for a proper understanding of a problem. 6

Source: Deborah Cai and Edward L. Fink, “Conflict Style Differences Between Individualists and
Collectivists” Communication Monographs 69, pp. 67–87. Copyright 2002. Reprinted by
permission of Taylor & Francis and the authors.

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PART 2: SCORING

INSTRUCTIONS: Score your inventory by adding up sets of numbers as follows:

A. Add up your scores for 1, 9, 10, 13, 20, and 24; then divide the total by 6.
This is your Accommodating Score. 2.16
B. Add up your scores for 2, 6, 11, 14, 15, 16, and 21; then divide the total by 7.
This is your Compromising Score. 3
C. Add up your scores for 3, 12, 22, 23 and 29; then divide the total by 5.
This is your Integrating Score. 5.4
D. Add up your scores for 4, 17, 18, 26, 27, and 28; then divide the total by 6.
This is your Avoiding Score. 3.16
E. Add up your scores for 5, 7, 8, 19, and 25; then divide the total by 5.
This is your Dominating Score. 5