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    17 views9 pages

    Stark Just Me PDF

    Uploaded by

    Federica Bueti

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    of 9
    -COLCTED WRITING 1 Just me me me A sree in smow will probably go repeatedly unnoticed Instead Tse just me me me cand noting’ there etren us The frst German F who spoke to me true ‘ea in English trambaton led but 0 ew He sad tots of things lowercase {can’t remember sand fr the sake of going capital Strid bard 10 last December Little laid there and complained her brain was breaking. Always befor ic was her so-called heart but ehat at lease had caused great bursts of energy, “Brin breaking isa physical handicap = I mean broken brain ie’ physiological ‘hing 1 can fel ie malfunctioning or misficing noe fring. Tes torlly acked up (you hear tears hers) I swear {Tam so stupid and I used eo be smast I am so stupid [can't remember anything! Not even ‘What matters to me most, said I. ‘Come ON!" said ‘he. Total sobbing ensued. There were tissues and talk of Nietzsche. The Use Abn of Hitory ‘hich Tread at least three times and was using as he cenral inspiration for a litle something wanted to write for you about forgetting. it Stars off and there ate these cows and he's tcying {9 up this notion of non-historicty of having no sense of pastor future and so he describes these bovines and how they chew theie cud and fare quote unquote happy as they forget one ‘moment and then the next. Ie'scotally youthful and idealistic i's like the greatest ~s0 enyway he describes ~ three types of historicity and ies $e fucked up i1 could remember three cigs it should be these and I don't and ... He says ‘Ifyou don’ remember ie Nietzsche's faule noe Yours, iit was good or worth remembering you'd remember." No way, ic was worth remembering but I'm no good, I cannoe rctain the information, T think Ihave a use for this business of forgetting, ‘an angle on it, a reason for it, but obviously Fm, an ioe because I don'r remember an definitely ddon'e feel the happiness of the cows and that’s the part of forgetting ehae was so attractive at the oursee! Forgetting something and saying quite amatber sed baving no words Seried for ber merber Mano, she leaded, at last won't yon kil me Or buat me till senseless or till ease again thrills me ‘The brain aflicted with Attention Deficit Disordet (A.D.D.) likes co linger an liebe because because because because because — becanse ofthe wonderful things it does. Ici the only thing i knows ~ che basis of pious illusions — sading the same thing over end over but ‘ot reading ic really, i mean tally really reading, just consuming and never knowing anything ‘ew: Ie alli knows this uncontrollable i, it's all this uncontrollable i knows...iis serious here this i knows ao thing. Oh no to go outside of Self delight and vague impeesions and crippled analysis, not easy, not easy for i a all, cannes think with ibis dseare 0 felling nighely to my knees, but praying not ist fal of curse sand stupid emp rhyming vere “ say poor me and sh my god ‘my brain reuires a lightning rod cand if 8 srack me yo eal se ‘ow things would flow more easily ‘ike word: and names ‘or dates and places bardly have traable with people's faces) To think and spk clear and eomcie wba perfect bis, it'd bes nice ‘The brain ficted with A.D D. likes to linger on love because because because because because. its cern remembering gescue, i wants 10 sy ‘remembering exercise but realizes that has too healthy a connotation, i wants to doa lot of things so do with whar they don't really have fon account of noc being able co fully thae exist outside of its infection, Seflection. i doesn’t get so far i has already che topic was love, Fora brief moment sehich fle like being touched was “eb buc wich a capital |. Love, asi was saying, in remembering geseure, which isn't elly, better or correct, rather, to say love fa certain remembering gesture that is Jike fingets to a chin or through some OF like shoppers to a store —a habit ehat or hateless or both, depending on the ‘of the harmer or nonharmer, depending on scare even, maybe, i mean the state with @ Seal 5, but i can’t touch chat topic. i has «0 stay from capitalized words. Good good because i seriteen name or title) is actually derived this ertor in capitalization due to American ‘on a German keyboard (where the sife key be isa lesser-than sign, which looks like “wacever comes before che subject i less chan i ‘ecaning iis greater than such and such oF so and “s2). But chat’ t00 involved, i’ really all in ihe way i looks; less than, with no capital, and fot great at all. Good. Good god my iis no good. “good maybe only in the way of possibilities, ss in ‘sounds good, $0000, s0 much for i and its selacion to capital “The research says an A.D.D.-eris likely to be creative because in spite of his general condition ‘of lack of focus he is capable of brief spells of lucidity and concentration. ‘The weight ofthe wow never did know Ibu it pushed down the branches outside They droap but arn’ falling thir resistance appalling! (0b 1 with hat the forest wold die “The research says chat an A.D.D.-er often speaks impulsively with lieele consideration for context fr consequence, Wieveil kostec diese oder that comment? That's whae i never even stops to consider, kost, koneext or Konsequence. P sai tof TM call you tventy ase yore Hk a toenty buck whore ‘yore smarter ad all than a booker It Ureally can’ afford shat mach more “Twenty, why cheap? Lm unfit to discs my eomonic 6 social satis ‘inily guide me to your sec apparatas 1 fas 9 goad to kre te sore ‘went for tenty, chy ask for mare? ‘At a dollar por year, i's all mine forme 1 fall ease the economy “Toenty isa reduction and a projesion shes to times toni the worng direction When I mer n0ony never once did I consider the notion of payment would always stay with ber Shes cheap itt fact and ete, ce was ‘bu wo one will love ber unless for cause But you can’ fel sorry ‘She os wba she's doing ve bard that she's good cand well-worth puraaing Bus she cries everynight till a quarter past wine ‘ose she os it ain't trae Sede Fras awn shin sein ‘Aber mein, aber nein Du birt mich nich screen ih bin sch, ic bin cbr ‘Shots totally lying! (Ad, du dks das ist wabr ? ‘Du bist boveand schlech. ‘Ach, br plight is 00 common ‘Stet som die of melee! ‘She may say she's pretty Is that's not enough bis poor wayusard child lacks the nourishing staf i SUSE ME MEE 085 6 COULECTED warns m Well 1 by ber our any day ofthe wok and for that should get atleast just a pak st my bosom or bottom theyre bth 35 inches Will that's way to small for the boys in the trenches Afford it mot (can) you say Unaffordable this way, ok? Accot me not can't you say noah? Nie ader Nein, say both taday Accrae Acorue is what you do can't afford the cat of you A coursty love could grow anew ink nas the cos of what you do cursed dit are nt nate wed ‘bat interest in your love bestowed 4s money fr my Banat heart «4 piggish bank, ot dollar smart Conflate conflate, 1 must myself recascitate ‘The eradication ofthe F and or [factor is supposed ‘0 allow for me to behold myself to myself and or see myself being seen of held A person cannot bear this despair fora lifetime... ‘hae’ litte variation on what I heard someone say the other day...1 wouldn't wane my kids to have co suffer as I have, that’s what he said, Drobably alot of people say that bue maybe 4 lot of people arc talking about suffering with finances, or prejudice or political injustice...but he's talking here, 'm ealking here, bout just Plain day to day self-loathing. Suffering Suffering ‘We think is bad and one second of objectivity ‘reveals is not s0 bad, but SUBJECTIVITY ‘pow that tells a different story. That is why love is such a good antidote because there is some objectivity, subjectively speaking...chac takes a load off the subjectively disadvantaged subject. Ts been feeling sory for iself all its life. Mostly because Is ugly...and ifnoe exactly ugly, jase ‘not exactly preety. Now chis I doesn’t want to be round people even though I's want o be around people, because Is rather be preety around People than be ugly around peope...and being around people most ofthe time I's feeling ugly and if nor ugly thea not exactly peeey...and ‘nor exactly being bue thinking about being... and chinking that being, ain just being, is the ‘optimum stae...whereas thinking about being is 8 way of aoe being anything but a thinker of What Lis noe. Mostly ics the shape | imagines its making...a shape with surfaces both of which, surface and shape, are muddy and istegular. sither there's a film of fileh over the sueface or a littke excess shape...or there's an ok shape with 4 cleaned up surface which loses i's shape causing the surface to distore after the loss. How docs an ok shape change, or lose, so that i is ‘or ok...I'm not sue, People are sick and dying. and Iis sick and noe dying and ot even sick, asin cellulrly sick, just sick a in wholeularly. Conflason isthe tack (at hand) Condensing, larving venlie a man ‘inst person fir third person arks 1s tbs tbe omy light in whic you banque? Soy to say itis this way sand mentered critics I dn’ display 1 take to task the tenble at hand of ery man and woman and thir land =~ only show me, me and mine sand how they wallow quite supine jin ansloed problems ofthe heart ‘ut from this should 1 san depart? sand take upon a larger daty perance approach the literary? But bjore that lap L mast confess the work | flan is jast a mess sand fx it om (nos na!) or never are words Utell myelf forever aca Us and tern at night cand bore you with my appetite amy work's ot done my bra’ ot right ‘the page is blank and ips are tighe R Dear me is all sere soma 1 be swith no Lack of inarvculate poetry ists and confessions reveal an intention dus mot bow 00 relive a banal obsession relax, the ebymes will bold tight any green meandering insight which may or may not produce «a plan with which t reintroduce 4 wosnded subject sa crippled ain and Thought or thoughts which evar, amspectactlar whenever ‘derail its own train And 0 ‘Te foreign obj looms slow Demeas a curvacsos borizon which be cannes know in the forging zome ona logics ine drawn eve inward ~ the spiral of ‘mine and mining what’ mine isa womanich task 1 write out ofa circle is 0 Utne 1 ask with ach trite petition is ic pusible ra signal the sck-suveres in crit ofthe rpeatd initial Ob sis spiraling mess will amravel but slow just cut and glue lines together fol fr sow ‘Ae sboing or showy “Emre trade I can do it for me bt i this for bi B Dear Me! — 1 shoulda's have said it Am acumnlation of testers «a now! com make a newness aspiring 10 gi and to take if omy nat omce it comgeas in the middle the sentees Lang the thoughts, slightly lle dot little or nota bigmes develops cand winks at the author whose ope it enedopes and enloed or discord the contents delight us return for a viss thon dip just thie wt, Ifa equals b sand then b says 10 me stop refrting toa ‘who you rally mean me ‘thea L say toa 0 1b or whomever ve compleely lest rack Pm not all that clever Then a rays and says «a if they wore singing were one inthe same we avi’ deciving Wall fre yom say ome thing and then its another or a sinple equation yore rally a batho ‘The cleaver she lgic the border totter the mecning which binds these 1 laters sogesber Research also says that the A.D-D. afflicted person often finds respite in focusing concentration fn a love object. Ob research said ic becer chan ican, Should it read ruserch she, or research demonstrates iostead of research says ot rusarch states ~ can research say, maybe i likes for research to say instead of state, show or demomrate. Often ‘cimes i likes alot of things that juse don'e sound right. i likes the way i brings attention to itself «00, this kind of attention getting just isn’t right, research says, or will one day, because ’s A.D.D. is here to stay. If A.D.D is here 10 stay TUL ry 10 tart anew today cand since Ucan' go out 10 play 1 sew bere in my disarray Although my brain so broken be still you are you and Tans me and sorry 1 cannot form the we usr ME 07 (088 COLLECTED Waring 1 to whom Lowe tht misery No 1 won't send any of this (8 it ir ted to that afd Mss ‘and that isthe anchor that olds ms still ‘me, my words andthe time 1 hill For "Bliss was this! but thie is wot «a bliss that grows or gees a lt sand in its neufound gravity is just its and sare at me 1S nt inside oF up wnder rarely a word, a painful Blunder Tsai it nee and that war enough no let's ove on £0 ore sensible staff Goodbye. Hello. You say Goodbye and I say ‘hello — and do you know where hell is? Hall is in hello. Oh not Oh know, and that brow is with a K as in 0b mo, I dow’ know oF what DOI knw? A question asked a hundred times 4 day, hey you, I go, you non-knower mega hiello-sayer, hey you (that’s me) [ ask, what dp ou brow wail casual waddayabnow mutates into the most horrific instrument of masochistic ‘orture, I muse stop calking to myself before ie's ‘00 late. So, Hi, I'll sy, hoping there's no ‘trace of hell there and my arm will seetch out and well se that’s my handae the end of it attempting co perform a generic gesture of affection: A touch isn’t much! Confined t0 sou through lighs and wire ‘the distance lends to tit desire thtration bolds the 2d promise that words on pages can transcend xs A book is nce or is blood beser? ‘it rushes through must evry letter ‘but eters booked may stop the beart ‘that purps men's boa 0 every part cand bleadless parts area sre sign ‘that somone’ beart will nt be mine! Angry I lok at me looking at my melancholy sce i's just the same as before ‘next utterance will end with ‘man’ sand more ges fr the times I Ui, the words 1 read, ‘he damned rspite those promises unpromited, promivad 0 quench a thirst that came down on xs But yon drank a differen drink, your glass balf empty atthe sink — Td Ue 10 know just what itis hat yon bave sipped and whet U did 1d ike to nw Ud lke to bow Pd lke to now Vd lie o brow Some poems as you bow ‘ead painful and slow ‘ut they flirt with war's wickdly fast ‘the brain lle that wiggle sommes when a giggle equates what is felt with a fact conetng is copious thing ip a bay from it wing «4 wing from the bady is mor usual staff ther way re pluck i rough cand so batterfly's mow butter stupidly series to flutter ‘Ici all over with me’ wrote Goethe's young, Werther. Goethe's Young sorrowful Werther sti cannor beat it any longer. Today I sat by (Charlotte. She was playing on her piano all Sorts of melodies. With such expression! ‘Tears came inco my eyes. I leaned down, and saw Charlocce’s wedding ting; my tears fell — and as if by chance she began to play that favorite cune, chat sweet ait which has so ‘often enchanted me. I fele comfort fom & ‘recollection of the pas, of those bygone days when [ heard that melody; and then I recalled all ehe sorrows and che disappointments which I had since endured ~ and then — {walked up and down the room, my heart choked with painful emotions. Finally, starting toward her with an impatient outburst, 1 Said, “For Heaven's sake, stop i!" She stopped playing, and looked at me. Then she said, ‘with a smile which went deep to my heart: “Werther, you ae il; your dearest food is distasteful 0 you. Go, I ask you, and ery 10 calm yourself: And so young Werther tre himself away and said to himself "God, Thou seest my torments, and wilt end them! And my Usaye 20 itl Wold hw mersy-msurder me sed moe going verily 10.4 place bot with beacon ald with bellic bubs even Ts sill, Diseased isl into corr, to pare its, appease itself While lying om top ofa tall ching Below me Tf its complaint it seems eager to thine me ‘ur ‘thro is tw strng cand ‘it is, well, wrong 4 there sme way t8 determine sebetbor oF wae 1 belong — ce wate om the wait ofthis serous blonde ance ead Werther’ srw sell play ot tomorrow ou op of a ill with ome gruss on what's eon saddir is lcerature's Mader am aly leah in your pants 1 id's dit ays dards poet teh’ eager 0 write off romance eben your ace lets yom dow and grammar can’ be found thats when you with Charlotte dare smacb your bead with a pipe bus pernaps ome Last kiss before all of tit ends me wen in the facet my grave I won't complain ofthat band in my death if i's avoking my suffering brain JUSTE ME ME 089 1 Reese ace mae ea mere Une eons Fem treme 12007 2 orion Fr ee a See

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