Maybe the college life was never meant for me, maybe I was just not the type

of person that should

enter college.

Trevor was mad and devastated when he knew I didn’t get accepted. It was the dream for this year,
1980. We planned everything together. The plan was to graduate high school and enter college but I
never really made it which led me to having part time jobs to sustain my needs since my mom left me
for her boyfriend.

This year was supposed to be the year of making dreams happen, but I guess it’s just not for me.

Trevor left earlier than I expected, he said he needed time for his self since I’m not coming with him and
said he needs to adjust by his own. Which leaves me no other choice but to stay here and continue
living.

I do hope he comes home by October, I have something to tell him. Something I’ve been keeping for the
past two years.

When you meet new people you’d like to think that you’d be close right away but that’s not how things
work.

To make things even worse, Henry came back earlier. His parents told me, with excitement, that he was
coming home for good this October but he’s now here. Alive and breathing in my house.

Henry is Trevor’s cousin that I liked before in middle school, he was a senior back then and was ready to
join the navy since their dads are navy officers.

He was one of those guys that made you think twice about how you should ruin your life. Also when my
dad was still alive we were really close despite the age difference. He was 4 years older than me and
Trevor.

When henry left after graduation he never told me about leaving for a long time, he just told me he had
to go and work somewhere far away, and that was it. After our talk he left and never not even once
came home, not even on Christmas.

He never even wrote a letter asking if I was okay. I mean we weren’t dating but we were close, it was
like he was my 2nd best friend.

When I remembered everything, I realized that I was still mad at him.

He tried to do small talk but I guess he realized I wasn’t having any of it that was why he asked what the
problem was and I just answered with a shrug.

I don’t want to talk right now, I’m having mixed emotions. I didn’t get accepted in the university, Trevor
left not even talking to me. And now Henry’s here. I don’t know why this has all happened right now. At
this time, day, month and year!

He must have realized I wasn’t having any of it so he left me with a note.

Meet me at the diner later, okay?

Why should I?

Am I obligated to go?

Am I even allowed to go?!

Ugh, I hate this.

I was preparing my car keys, ready to go to the diner when I realized it was Henry’s birthday. That’s why
he came home? What the hell!

When I arrived we were the only customers and the place was quiet. He was drinking coffee.

“Since when did you like coffee?” I asked annoyed by the sight of him.

“Just now.” He said calmly and started to talk again.

“You know, I really liked you back then. Your dad knew I liked you that was why we were close. I left
after my graduation because I knew your dad had cancer and I knew your mom cheated. I didn’t want to
be there during those times. I didn’t want to see you sad and mad at me for not telling you.” He said all
of that like it was just nothing. Coward.

He said all of that without being sorry about it. And just when I was about to say something I didn’t
realize that I was already crying.

“Coward.” I said with pure anger and left him there.

A month has passed and henry was still outside everyday trying to talk to me. Telling me how sorry he
was and how pathetic he was. I’m glad he knew how pathetic he was.

The next day someone was knocking and calling my name.

“Oli? Oli? Are you there? Henry told me you were here. Oli? Can I come in?” His voice was familiar and
full of worry.

“Olivia? I’m coming in. I don’t care if you’re naked or hiding. I know you’re here. Henry came by and told
me he heard the television on.”

It’s Trevor.

Why is Trevor here? Why is here?

I ran towards the door just in time for him to open it and tried to close it back again.

“Hey, let’s just meet at the diner later. Okay? I was cleaning. I mean I still have to clean. You can go now.
Byeeee!” I said sounding stupid while trying to close the door.

“You have to tell me everything that happened Oli. I was so worried. Henry drove from here to the
university just to tell me that you weren’t feeling good. You better tell me everything!” He said.

I was trying to register what just happened. Trevor came home for me. He cares for me?!
The thought of him caring for me made my heart skip a beat. And that’s why I hurriedly took a bath and
went straight to the diner.

“Hey!” I called out to Trevor which was sitting next to someone who looked familiar. And then I realized
it was Henry sitting beside Trevor.

“I’m glad you came, Henry was worried about you. The both of you should talk.” Trevor said.

He was ready to leave when I told him not to. I told him.

“No, you stay there. I have something to talk to you about. Henry you stay at the other side. I don’t want
you to hear any of it. But stay there because I have something to say to you too.” I said trying to act
tough.

Henry just nodded and headed to the other side of the counter and sat drinking coffee.

I was wearing my favorite dress. The red one. The dress that I should wear when I confess to Trevor. And
yet here I am, wearing it. Looking like a fool.

“Trevor, let me talk first, okay? I like you ever since high school, you were always there for me. I don’t
know if I’m doing this the right way or if I’m just being stupid but I really do like you. That’s all.” I said
trying to hold my breath.

God. I hate how this feels.

He just looks at me and says something that made me mad and confused.

“I’m gay Olivia. I thought you knew about it.” He said trying to hide the sadness in his face.

“Are you kidding me? I never knew about it! How should I know when you never told me about it? You
didn’t even tell me about Henry coming home, you never even opened up to me about it. We are friends
right? The least you could do for me is tell me that you’re gay. You should’ve just told me!” I was
shouting this time and tears were already flowing.

Trevor didn’t look at me until Henry came and got mad.

“Why are you mad?! Don’t you know he was trying his best to let you know through his actions! And
also you should be that one person who isn’t mad at him for being gay. What’s wrong with being gay
anyway? Are you even his friend? I was expecting so much from you.” Disappointment was heard
through his voice.

After that happened I never saw the both of them even though we live in the same neighborhood.

I’m mad at myself. For not understanding how Trevor must’ve felt after what happened. I’m mad at
myself because I was supposed to be his friend and I was selfish. I never really tried to think it through
but now that Trevor told me about his sexuality I understood how some moments were really off. Like
how I tried to kiss him during prom and he told me that I was drunk.
But I wasn’t, I was sure that I wasn’t.

This year was supposed to be the greatest year. This year was supposed to be the best year for me and
Trevor but I ruined everything.

Everything that happened.

It wasn’t in the plan.

The plan that I made for myself. For me and Trevor.

Henry was never meant for me. Although we liked each other back then, he was someone who tried to
be mine but eventually lost his way towards me because of how complicated things were.

When I was about to turn my engine on someone knocked on my window.

“Want to start over?” He asked smiling at me like nothing happened.

I got out of the car, hugged him and said,

“YES! Why are you even asking me? That’s the most stupid question I’ve ever heard.” I said laughing
while crying.

I guess things don’t really happen the way you want them to be. I guess we were all busy expecting and
giving ourselves high hopes when we should just live life as is it wasn’t unfair or crucial. And I guess it
was all my fault that this happened. Life to me is just complicated that I choose to be unselfish of my
feelings, accept heartbreaks and accept the people who I love.