Paper Presentation

Subject: Marriage and Family Counseling

Topic: Pastoral Care and Counseling through Crisis and Change
 Addiction problems
 Sexual problems in marriage
 Parenting issue and childless families
Lecturer: Mr. James Swu
Presenters: Duanchuingam, Hinokali Yeptho, Obekali, Aloli, (B.D3-B) Thang Cin Hmung,
Senyale Kent, Kalito Awomi, and Obed Newmai (B.D3-A)

Respondents: Kughaka, Sentimongla, Kaholi, Agahatoli, (B.D3-B) Selica, Kaliho, Laichung,

Projesh(B.D3-A)

Introduction:

The word ‘Pastor’ in its adjective form ‘pastoral’ refers to the life and work pertaining to tending and
caring in general.1 For instance, pastoral care and counseling is the utilization of a variety of healing
(therapeutic) method to help people handle the problems and crisis more growth fully and thus
experience healing of their brokenness.2 Pastoral care and counseling implies people caring for others
in a manner where individual’s growth is seriously danger or blocked by certain kind of crisis. So this
paper will be briefly dealing on the various crisis and challenges faced by individuals addiction
related problems especially on substance abuse and will also explore some of the conflict faced by
married couples and families through providing care and counseling to this issue.

Addiction:

The word “addiction “has different meanings and connotations e.g., habit, liking, fondness for certain
thing etc. it is explained as a habit to take an intoxicating substance.3

An addiction is a state of being in a person’s life where they have dedicated themselves to something.
Most people have an idea of someone who is struggling against being addicted to drugs and alcohol. 4
The word addiction has two basic meanings. The first definition, and the one most of us are familiar
with, is “to cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming
substance”. The second definition of addiction is “to occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in
something habitually or compulsively”.5 Addiction can develop from what may be seen as fairly
innocent or at least common social habits. Drinking alcohol, gambling, eating, having sex and using
the internet can all turn from what is considered a common activity, to a darker, more destructive

1
Ezamo Murry, An Introduction to Pastoral Care and Counseling (Delhi: ISPCK, 2005), 232.
2
Howard Clinebell, Basic types of Pastoral care and counseling (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1984), 25.
3
Benjamin S Suwartic, Dangerous drugs drinks and tobacco (Delhi: ISPCK, 1998), 63.
4
Michael L. William, “Key Bible Verses for Counselling about Addictions”
https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/key-bible-verses-for-counseling-about-addictions/, (19/07/2019).
5
Got Question, “How should a Christian view addiction?” accessed February 14, 2019,
https://www.gotquestion.org/addiction-Christian.html, (19/07/2019).

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compulsion. Addictions may come from the way these activities and habits make people feel, both
emotionally and physically.6

Some of the causes of addiction:

 Gradual slackening of parental control

 Erosion of moral values
 Frustrations arising out of socio-economic problems
 Large scale westernization
 Affects of films and pornography
 Lake of recreation
 Chronic pains7
 Genetic factors
 Poor coping skills for dealing with stress
 Negative thinking, such as an all-or-nothing approach to life
 Underlying anxiety or depression.8

Addiction Problems:

Addiction of various compulsive behaviors that do not necessarily involves chemical substances, or
physical withdrawal symptoms, such as gambling or sexual activity. An addiction involves an
overwhelming craving for a substance, characterized by disregard of negative consequences
associated with its use. Most person do not desire to become addicted, but experience addiction as an
unintended consequence. Addicts lose the capacity to choose freely use or cessation, but are
physically and emotionally compelled to use the substance for the desire effect or delay withdrawal
symptoms.9

Pathways to addiction are widely varied, yet often involve attempts to seek solace from physical and
emotional pain such as loneliness, existential emptiness or alienation from self, others and God.
Recovery from addiction frequently involves social support, self- introspection, interpersonal
honesty, and the development of skills that enable coping with existential anxiety without the use of
chemical substance. Pastor can address various social, ecological, and psychological issues
associated with addiction by anticipated in public meetings intended to discuss solutions. Most
pastors may not become experts regarding addiction and recovery processes, but all need to
knowledgeable About the basic symptoms of addiction and the potential relationship between
spiritual growth and wholeness that can be beneficial part of life.10

6
“Addiction(s) Counselling & Therapy-Counselling Directory” https://www.counselling-
directory.org.uk/addictions.html, (19/07/2019).
7
Ezamo Murry, An Introduction to Pastoral Care and Counseling (Delhi: ISPCK, 2005), 232.
8
“What is Addiction? Definition, Signs, Causes, Consequences” accessed September 23, 2018,
https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/what-is-addiction.html, (19/07/2019).
9
William M. Clements, “Addiction”, The New Dictionary of Pastoral studies, ed., Wesley Carr (Michigan: W.B.
Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2002), 6.

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Addiction Counseling:

Counselor or pastor can also use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in their process of counseling
which is widely used today. Though many Christians are leery of psychology in general, CBT seems
to be more in sync with biblical principles. This therapy says that human difficulties stem from
thought. It is not the event that causes emotional disturbance. The goal of this therapy is to challenge
irrational thoughts and help clients separate their self – evaluation from their evaluation of their
behavior – that is, to differentiate one’s identity from one’s actions. Rather than being what you do,
you are a being who does things. This therapy aims to help clients to accept themselves in spite of
imperfections. Roman 12:2 and 2 Corinthian 10:5 are supportive biblical texts for Cognitive-
behavioral approach. God instructs us to guard our thoughts. Satan is the “father of lies” (John 8:44);
if our mine are not firmly grounded in truth, then we are more susceptible to deceptions. James 2:14
also speaks of how our beliefs affect our behaviors.11 CBT also helps to address any underlying
problems that often co-occur with an addiction. This is important in helping the clients understand
the cause and take the steps in overcoming and coping with their issues.
Essentially, by interrupting the self-perpetuating cycle of an addiction, counseling provides a new
way for people with addictions to think, feel and act - removing the troubled thinking and helping
them to view difficult situations in a new light.12

Sexual problems in marriage:

What is a Sexual act?

Sexual act is considered a sacramental act to complete humanity, to make whole the estranged
creation. The word sex comes from a Latin word meaning completion or union. In this sense, sex in
Christian understanding is God’s gift, sacred to be expressed within the marriage structure. Its abuse
has no place in Christian understanding. According to Reuel Howe: “A holy sexual relationship is
one in which the interrelatedness and wholeness of function and being are preserved and honored in
thought and act. In holy love the lover ‘loves, honors, and cherishes’ his beloved as a person… in this
sense is sexual sacramental, for the act is an outward and visible sign of the mutual union between
two person in which functions serves its s real purpose.” On the theology of sex, Howe affirms that
there are only two sexes, man and woman, “there is man who is not complete within himself, and
female who is not complete and sufficient within herself…i.e. woman was made to complete man
and man to complete to woman, anatomically, biologically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.” 13

Causes of Sexual Problem:

Some of the issues that led to the rise of sexual problems in marriage are mention below:
10
William M. Clements, “Addiction”, The New Dictionary of Pastoral studies, ed., Wesley Carr (Michigan:
W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2002), 7.
11
Got Question, “What is cognitive-behavior therapy, and is it biblical” Accessed February 14, 2019,
https://www.gotquestions.org/cognitive-behavior-therapy.html, (15/07/2019).
12
“Addiction(s) Counselling & Therapy-Counselling Directory” https://www.counselling-
directory.org.uk/addictions.html, (15/07/2019).
13
Ezamo murry, An Introduction to Pastoral Care and Counseling (Delhi: ISPCK, 2005), 227.

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  One spouse controls the frequency of sex
 Spouses withhold sex
 The marriage becomes sexless
 Spouses are too busy or too tired for sex
 Spouses have differing attitudes about porn
 A spouse dislikes sex with their partner
 A spouse cheats.14

Sexual problem in marriage counseling:

Sexual dysfunctions cause extreme stress in marriages and self-doubt in individuals. Sexual problems
are amenable to change through education, and sex therapy. The goals of sex therapy are to distract
the anxiety, remove demand, eliminate negative or failure experiences and feelings and build new
pattern of sexual relating, both verbally and physically. These goals are: by becoming knowledgeable
about one’s own and each other’s bodies and how they function; by developing awareness and taking
responsibility for one’s own needs and feelings; by opening effective communication within partners
about the sexual.15

Parenting issues and childless families:

What is parenting?

Parenting means nurturing and bringing up the children which is of paramount importance. Parents
are the most important person in child nurture. The home has always been the primary place of
nurture and growth for the child. However, many parents are finding it more and more difficult to
manage their own children, in the sense, that nurture and bringing up are greatly impaired due to the
fast changing situation of the times in which parents find difficult to deliver a relevant approach to
child nurture and upbringing.16

Issues:

Parenting Issues are any difficulties or concerns that parents face in raising their children. These
include decisions about childcare, schooling, discipline, household chores, daily routines, finances,
work-family balance, and so on. Parents may also need to resolve conflicts between siblings, between
themselves and a child, or between themselves and another parent. For example, dealing with a
moody and withdrawn teenager is a parenting issue that can cause stress. Another example is a
married couple struggling to find enough quality time for their relationship as well as for their
14
Christine Gallagher, “7 ways sex can kill a marriage” updated April 3, 2013,
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/7-ways-sex-can-kill-a-mar_b_2506541, (15/07/19).
15
C.J Penner, “sexual dysfunction and sex therapy,” Dictionary of Pastoral care and Counseling,
edited by Rodney J. Hunter (Bangalore: Theological Publications in India, 2007, 1147.
16

Razouselie Laseto, I Toshi Jamir and Woba James, eds., Nurturing Children in the Tribal Society of North East
India: A Search for Value (Jorhat: ILEMA, 2014), 4-5.

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children.17 The parents who have unresolved intense social and phobia caused by the sexual abuse
provide negative model for their children to imitate and grow. 18 Parenting is also a huge problem in
term of divorce couples and single parenting.

Responses:

When parenting issues lead to stress, may manifest itself through worry, depression, irritability, or
anger. Some situation, such as the loss of a child or partner, may lead to grief, depression, or post-
traumatic stress. When these conditions go untreated, the well being of any other children may be
affected. Pastoral counseling can help address and treat these issues. Pastoral counselor is also likely
to encourage parents to make time for them whenever possible and maintain a self care routine.
Individual counseling may reduce the symptoms of an individual’s condition and can reduce in worry
in these areas as parents work to achieve wellness.19

Childless Families:

A childless family or childfree family is a group of people from all kinds of backgrounds and all
walks of life who, for whatever reason, have never had children. The increase in the childlessness
rate, along with the drop in the fertility rate, has led to increase in the proportion of women living in
households without children.

Reason for being childlessness:

a) Career derailment – some feel that having a child interferes with a career. Therefore, many
childless families choose not to have children because they concentrate on their career.

b) Health issue – some women or men who have illnesses like autoimmune diseases or other
condition that can be passed on genetically choose not to have a child so that a child will not inherit
the illness.

c) Rejection of parenthood- some people have thought long and hard parenthood and many have
concluded that it really was not right for them.

d) Social or biological force- those people who want to have a child but not unable to because of
variety of social and or biological interferes and result in unplanned childlessness.

Another possible cause behind the increased childlessness among highly educated women is
their reluctance to take on a partner who is less educated than themselves especially in Japan and
Korea.20

17
“Parenting Issues” https://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.php?term=Parenting+Issues, (15/07/19)
18
Holiho J. Yeptho Semy, The Psycho-social Problem of Sexually Abused Adolescents (Dimapur: HPH Books,
2016), 52.
19
Zartea Khiangte, Parenting Issues and Childless Families, 24th August, 2016, (19/07/19).
20
Zartea Khiangte, Parenting Issues and Childless Families, 24th August, 2016, (19/07/19).

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Responses:

As many couples have gone through many challenges due to childlessness, being a responsible
counselor or pastor may encourage a couple by making it clear that the pain of not having a child will
remain with most people for the rest of their lives. The choice to live childless is a forward moving
path moreover we can help a couple by reflecting some of the teachings of the Bible through which a
couple may find their spiritual and emotional help or relief. Resolve can help couple find support in
healing those pangs of hurt that arise over not having children.21

Conclusion:

In this paper we can see the problem of addiction create many serious issue with far-reaching effects
and so harmful that she/he needs special treatment or counseling to understand their own behavior.
We also see how pastor should help and counsel the couples who are in sexual problem in their
marriage to understand that sex is not limited to intercourse but it includes all enjoyment of each
other’s bodies. A pastor or counselor can plays a main role to response to all this issue and taking
into account of the present scenario of the modern society a pastor or church have a vital task to
response to this issues. We also understand that pastor care and counseling is necessary in the midst
of all difficulties to empower the couples or individual to handle their situations and bringing healing
to their brokenness. From the above discussion, we want to conclude that real counseling should
recognize that neither the counselor nor the client is the healer. Only God can truly heal. We all
understand that the deepest problem is in the soul, and only the Holy Spirit can truly transform that.

Bibliography

Clinebell, Howard. Basic types of Pastoral care and counseling. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1984,
25.

Clements, William M. “Addiction”, The New Dictionary of Pastoral studies, ed., Wesley Carr.
Michigan: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2002.

21
Ibid.,

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Laseto, Razouselie I Toshi Jamir and Woba James, eds., Nurturing Children in the Tribal Society of
North East India: A Search for Value (Jorhat: ILEMA, 2014), 4-5.

Murry, Ezamo. An Introduction to Pastoral Care and Counseling. Delhi: ISPCK, 2005, 227.

Penner, C.J “sexual dysfunction and sex therapy,” Dictionary of Pastoral care and Counseling,
edited by Rodney J. Hunter (Bangalore: Theological Publications in India, 2007.

Suwartic, Benjamin S. Dangerous drugs drinks and tobacco. Delhi: ISPCK, 1998.

Yeptho Semy, Holiho J. The Psycho-social Problem of Sexually Abused Adolescents (Dimapur: HPH
Books, 2016), 52.

E-source

“Addiction(s) Counselling & Therapy-Counselling Directory” https://www.counselling-

directory.org.uk/addictions.html, (19/07/2019).

Gallagher, Christine. “7 ways sex can kill a marriage” updated April 3, 2013 (21st July).
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/7-ways-sex-can-kill-a-mar_b_2506541/20/07/19.

Got Question, “How should a Christian view addiction?” accessed February 14, 2019,
https://www.gotquestion.org/addiction-Christian.html, (19/07/2019).

Got Question, “What is cognitive-behavior therapy, and is it biblical? Accessed February 14, 2019,
https://www.gotquestions.org/cognitive-behavior-therapy.html (20/07/19).

Khiangte, Zartea. Parenting Issues and Childless Families, 24th August, 2016 (21st July).

Michael L. William, “Key Bible Verses for Counselling about Addictions”

https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/key-bible-verses-for-counseling-about-addictions/.
(19/07/2019).

Parenting Issues” https://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.php?term=Parenting+Issues (21st

July)

“What is Addiction? Definition, Signs, Causes, Consequences” accessed September 23, 2018,
https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/what-is-addiction.html, (19/07/2019)

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