a few months ago, i joined a student exchange program (named FLEX, if anyone's familiar with it)

and the results are finally in. i'm on the stupid waiting list. i've been crying for hours and i can't
stop. it's better than nothing, i know, but it's not as good as being a finalist. going to the us has
been my biggest dream since i was in kindergarten, especially studying there, because the
education system in my country sucks. ass.
 
i wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that i didn't submit the results for my TB test on time,
but it was seriously impossible to do so because the deadline was way too soon and tests like
this take a while. i told the lady from flex beforehand and she said it was okay. what if i had a
chance to be a finalist if i had submitted the results on time? the deadline was may 6th, i
submitted them today and today we were told if we got in or not or we're on the waiting list.
 
i can try again next year, but it's going to be complicated, because when i leave (if i leave), i'll be
in 12th grade and i have important exams and the school i'll be studying at may not allow me to
take those exams in the us, which results in me having to repeat 12th grade in my country.
 
anyway, i wanna disappear.
 
the only good thing that came out of this was that i was crying so hard, i couldn't manage to stay
at school and i called my mom and asked her if i could go home. surprisingly, she said yes.