Paul, BR

|Barkley and Robin, Your defiant Teen

YOUR DEFIANT TEEN: 10 STEPS TO RESOLVE CONFLICT AND REBUILD

YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Russell A. Barkley and Arthur L. Robin. New York: Guilford

Press, 2008, x + 325, Paper $16.95, cloth $40.00.

Barkley, professor in the Department of Psychology and Behavioral Science at the

Medical University of South Carolina, is a prolific contributor to the behavioral literature

regarding ADHD and behavior management of children and teens. Robin, Professor in

the Dept. of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neurosciences at Wayne State University School

of Medicine, whose specialty is problem solving and communication, joins him in writing

this book aimed at parents dealing with a defiant and oppositional teens. Christine Benton

also joins the writing team of Barkley and Robin.

Targeting defiant and oppositional teens cuts a wide swath in that, at one time or

another, virtually all teens might fit into that category. Regardless, they do try to limit

the field to teens whose behavior is causing significant emotional distress within the

family, those whose behavior has altered such that they are no longer functioning

effectively and to teens whose behavior seems much worse than their peers. A 10 step

remediation program is presented, with the caveat that sought after behavior may never

be restored to what it was when children were preadolescent. These 10 steps comprise

the second part of the book. Part one deals with increasing understanding the of factors

that may have contributed to the breakdown of communication and relationships within

the family. The authors recommend at least two weeks per step and note that the book, if

followed, requires 4-6 months of intervention to complete.

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|Barkley and Robin, Your defiant Teen

State vs trait issues are discussed together with a section meant to assist in helping

parents determine what is normative and what is, in fact, defiance that is excessive.

Behaviors are categorized into verbal, physical, aggressive and noncompliance areas for

evaluation and explanation. Symptom frequency and severity scales are provided as well

as tools to interpret these scales, which may help parents appreciate that the book may or

may not be enough to deal with the level of the problem identified. When consultation

with mental health professionals might be needed, it is specified.

Defiance is posited as a four-factor behavior which develops over time. Parenting

style, environmental stressors, and both parent and teenager characteristics are examined

as factors contributing to the problem. The process of teenage individuation as a parallel

process to opposition and defiance is explained. Helping parents determine which rules

are negotiable and which are non-negotiable is covered together with discourse on

reasonable expectations, picking battles, giving choices, labeling and recognizing that a

better behavioral path exists. How parents, on occasion, inadvertently reinforce negative

behavior, including defiance, is well explained. Hereditable factors, such as ADHD and

certain aspects of temperament, which can contribute to family struggle, are discussed.

The contribution of social, financial and marital issues as well as parenting style, health

problems, consistency, how attention is administered and some family dynamics are all

covered. Parent communication and problem solving skills and whether expectations and

beliefs are realistic are explained and developed. Skills which focus on positive outlook

and good communication, appropriate use of positive and negative consequences,

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|Barkley and Robin, Your defiant Teen
development of “bottom-line” house rules, involving teens in negotiating solutions,

maintenance of supervision, respect for family structure and facilitation of appropriate

independence behaviors are all discussed.

The 10 steps developed in part 2 of this book are 1) making one-on-one time a

habit, 2)developing specific, consistent balanced behavior management, 3) using token or

point economies, 4) developing skills for realistic negative consequences, 5) using the

above skill on hard and challenging behaviors, 6) addressing homework and school

issues, 7) development of problem solving skills, 8) learning and practicing

communication skills, 9) dealing with unreasonable beliefs and expectations, and 10),

relapse prevention.

Barkley and Robin note that as, opposition increases, verbal and attentional

interactions between parents and their teenager can become increasingly negative,

therefore, their step No. 1 is replacing negative attention with positive one-on-one

interaction. This chapter focuses on increasing parental management style, decreasing

lecturing and reducing judgment. Scheduling quality one-on-one time is strongly

suggested and the caveat is given that this time should not be used as a reward in order to

reduce the likelihood that it might be removed as a negative consequence, which would

be counterproductive. Training in ignoring minor misbehaviors and in using praise is

suggested and included.

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|Barkley and Robin, Your defiant Teen
Step 1 focuses on the positive. Step 2 focuses on strategies meant to decrease

negative interactions. The authors counsel that one way to decrease negative exchange is

to increase the accuracy of commands and requests. In so doing, they explain the need for

commands and consequences to be specific and for consequences to be consistent and

immediately applied. They show how many parents substitute too many words for precise

actions and believe that in so doing many children are subtly taught to not listen. In the

section on giving more effective commands they note that parents should not give a

direction unless they are prepared to enforce it, that directions should be given in a

businesslike tone rather than phrased as a question or as a request to “do me a favor”.

They believe commands are best given one at a time and the teens would best be told

what to do rather than what not to do. Wisely, they counsel that parents make sure that

they have their children's attention prior to speaking to them. These and other helpful

hints are provided.

Step 3 reviews Contracts and Point Systems as well as contingency management.

Discriminations are made between rights and privileges. Step 4 focuses on use of

negative consequence and making the punishment fit the offense. Barkley and Robin

strongly warn against any form of physical confrontation as well as using what they term

“emotional blackmail”. Throughout, hints are given in little boxes with the caption “think

ahead”. These “tip boxes” are full of common sense and current wisdom regarding

management of teenagers. Dealing with lying is covered together with use of grounding

and other forms of contracting. Step 5 adds to the previous chapters by expanding use of

rewards and penalties and looks at typical problems that parents may encounter. They

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|Barkley and Robin, Your defiant Teen
develop solutions to common “snafus”. Anger management is introduced together with

keeping the privilege list fresh and interesting. Pragmatic use of strategies to enforce

chores and household rules are reviewed. Poorly defined contract goals, unanticipated

problems and the reality that, at times, contracts may resolve one behavior while allowing

a second to emerge are explained and suggestions given to resolve such issues.

Step 6 focuses on addressing defiant behavior in school as well as conflicts over

homework. Establishing an effective homework contract and reducing defiant behavior in

the classroom via home-school reporting systems are developed. An example of an

effective homework contract is presented, including detailed specification of the targets,

the expected behaviors and rewards.

Step 7 is aimed at developing problem solving skills. They review what they term

problem solving communication training which includes gradually increasing dependence

behaviors and trust, distinguishing negotiable from non-negotiable issues, involving the

adolescent in problem solving negotiable issues, developing reasonable expectations and

maintaining positive communication. A problem solving worksheet is presented with

examples of well defined versus poorly defined issues. Possible solutions are analyzed in

terms of efficacy, pragmatism and usability. An Issues Checklist is presented in order to

assist parents in gaining perspective regarding which problems are most pressing and

which are of lower intensity.

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|Barkley and Robin, Your defiant Teen
Step 8 addresses learning and practicing communication skills. Barkley and Robin

present their principles of good communication together with strategies to increase

recognition of negative communication styles. Parents are then encouraged to integrate a

positive communication style into problem solving sessions. The authors note that parents

would be wise to use the “10 words or less” rule. They believe that parents, on occasion,

nag and do not always attend to making their statements concise and precise. They truly

believe that " silence is golden " and, that parents must actively listen as well as teach in

order to have good communication. They present a negative communication checklist to

assist both parents and teens in recognizing many negative communication styles and

provide alternatives to such negative communication habits.

Step 9 focuses on parent’s unreasonable beliefs and expectations. This chapter

briefly reviews many cognitive behavioral concepts, beginning with the identification of

negative beliefs and expectations. Typical unreasonable beliefs and expectations held by

parents are outlined together with reasonable beliefs advocated by the authors. This is

followed by typical unreasonable beliefs and expectations held by teens, again coupled

with more realistic beliefs. Strategies to replace unreasonable beliefs with reasonable

alternatives and incorporating these more reasonable beliefs into communication and

problem solving are then developed.

The last step, 10, is entitled “keeping it together” and is a review of when and

how to use the tools, skills and strategies presented. This is coupled with developing a

plan for diffusing crises. Emotion calming responses, as well as other diffusion strategies,

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is presented. An Intervention Outcome Checklist is presented reviewing their 10-step

system and rating its efficacy, enabling further problem solving based upon an analysis of

what is and what is not working. Sample problem solving worksheets are presented. The

book ends with an Appendix on how to find a therapist and a section on various formal

resources for parents.

The authors have much experience in dealing with Oppositional and Defiant

teens. They have included in this self-help book many practical and useful hints, ideas

and strategies that many parents may find helpful. They're trying to discriminate which

level and sort of problems may need professional help and which can be tackled by

simply using this book is a plus. That being said, the literature on self-help books in

general, does not necessarily attest to their efficacy and some increased focus on

utilization of professional guidance might be more helpful. As it stands, this book can be

recommended to parents who are struggling with their children's adolescences. It does

contain proven strategies and develops them in a logical and appropriate presentation. It

is felt that it can be a positive adjunct to therapists working with this population and

provides parents an additional resource to consult between therapy sessions. It is a good

example of a targeted book that can be recommended. The $16.95 paperback cost is

reasonable, thereby increasing the likelihood that parents would follow the

recommendation to obtain and read this 10-step plan.

Howard A. Paul, Ph.D., A.B.P.P.

Book Review Editor

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