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    Unknown Author - Sookie Stackhouse 101 - A Very Vampire Xmaspdf PDF

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    Men, Love & Life e original short story! A Very Vampire _Spysuna hadbepn walking the earth ine before there ea coldlist Tage th Christnas, so she regarded the modern December hlideysnson anu posing Fes it cosing ae epee cy To Dahlia dlgust even tnevarpired inhernestintheupper Midwestern cy of Rhodes hed begun grog gis one tawtheron December 25 esp rec thiggbe leony soaifeoaree Ca practice The only person Deh realy Thedtoshopforwas Dalia Tonight ahe was visting ashopping mall at the insistence of her friend Taffy. "ay (hos original pace was Tap ronla) had been considered a giantess inher time. ven now at 7 Tay was perhaps eight inches taller than dimin- ttive Dalia Tay was ao generously corvaconus and much more reared in herattiudetolife~and, wel jut about everything than er best end ablias human bisth name was slmost unpronourceable by a mod- a Gen tongue end ched adopted Dahlia "i Tinley Chivers when she vas lvingin ; . Englandinthe1940sandhadneededan ‘entity change during the Bl. Shed ‘ had many” Continued on net page @ ‘ ha 212 GLAMOURCOM DECEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY ARTHUR BELEBEAU Men, Love & Life « original short story! aliases and learned many languages in her long life. hespoke American English per- fectly—maybealittle too perfectly. Asthey browsed through thebrasat Vie- toria’s Secret, Tafly said, "Thad my name legally changed. Ina human court” “To what?" Dahlia was considering a pale pink brassiere decorated with black lace and black polka dots. It would be a bore to learn to call Taffy something else, but she'd make the effort. Nesting vam- pires, who lived together in a large house under the guidance of aterrtorial leader called a sherif, had to work together. Taffy had just changed her name from Taffeta, the moniker she used during her stint as amusic hall performer. Surely that was onlyashort time ago? Wall, maybe 0 years. APFY LOOKED alittle self conseions. “Taffy Swift foot shesaid, and became _unconvineingly interested inazebra-stripednegligee. “Ichanged my lastname? “Swiftfoot?” Dahlia said, her arched brows drawing together. “Myhnsband’s name Tay said ‘Tffyshusband, Donald Swittoot, was awerewolt, Though Tay wasnt as old as Dahlia, over the centuries she'd been mar- ried more than once, and Don was her favorite mate. WerewolE-vampire unions ‘were held in ome contempt by both super- natural groups, so Tafly had fought a few battles—and Dahlia had backed her upall the way, not eeause she was so impressed ‘with Don, butbecause"Taffy washer friend. “Taffy Swiftfootisa good namey Dablia said, after along pause. “And we've looked atthis lingerie long enough. Time to get to ‘work! What gifts doyouneed to purchase?" ‘Taffy rooted around inher large, expe sive hobo bag and produced a Tong list of names on a torn envelope. Dahlia’ list (on a pale green sheet of notepaper headed “Dahlia” in ivory cursive) was much shorter, butitineluded what might be termed Dahlia’ soft spot. Dalia had Aecided to find something nice to send to | 84Company,theworkstationofthelhaman firefighters who had rescued her when the ‘vampire hotel called the Pyramid of Gizeh exploded the year before, blown up in a hhate-crime attack. The firefighters had pulled heroutofthe depths ofhote debris, 214 GLAMOUR.COM DECEMBER 2010 andoverthemonthsshe'dgottento know them al."Theyall eat meat” shetold Taff: “Maybe Ishouldsend themabutchered cow?” Taffy bit her lip and turned away “Tmamusingyou?"Dablisasked frostly She saw nothing humor- ous in wanting to give the fire- fighters what she thought was a practical item. “Letsstophy the Hickory Farms stall? Tay suggested. “Thelieve their meat is already processed and ready to ship. Perfect for your..it- flebuman pets?” Dahlia back stiffened until she looked atleastan inch taller. "You're the one who goes to bed with a dog she muttered, but she stalked on her ridiculously high heels toward the stall. Dahlias scowling paper- white fae larly frightened theattendant, ‘who whipped across out ofher blouse. For moment Dahlia thought the girl would cut and run. She smiled slightly in antici- pation, Dahliawas impressed andabitdis- appointed when the young woman faced thetwovampires with abravestance. And after Dablia took out her long shopping list, the girl abandoned her chin-upraised heroism forthe moreprosaictaskoftaking a truly huge ordet. She was smiling by the time Dahlia puther credit card back into herPradabag, ‘After Dahlia marked Engine 94 offher list with some satisfaction, she and Tay hegan the search for a suitable gift for their new sheriff, Joaquin. The Rhodes nest had changed since Joaquin had taken over Cellphones were ‘owpermitted—laptops, to. Every Satur- day night, 20volunteerblood donorseaine to the mansion, anticipating the bliss high of being bitten. Naturally, restraint ‘was necessary—it ook years of practice to Jeam how to eave them enough blood to survive—butno vampire would turn down a free meal- Living n the Rhodes mansion had never feltso modern, But Joaquin had rulesabout publiecon- uct, too. Though they were now legal ct zenslivingintheopen, discretion wasnec- essary. None ofthe Rhodes vampires were permitted to make themselves eonspicu- ‘ous—unless they had the opportunity to saveacrippled baby from acrashed ear or something equally nobleand newsworthy. Joaquin’s memo the previous weekread “In aseason humans regard as religious, take special eare not to cause ot permit a situation in which those ofthe supermata- ral community harm or upset the breath- rs. gnoremy wordsatyour peril” Unless Dablia was much mistaken (and Dahlia never thought she was mistaken), suchasituation, the very kind Joaquin had ‘warned against, was brewing right at this ‘momentin the Rhodes Marketplace Mall While Tafly had been eyeing some sil pajamas she hoped Joaquin might fanes, Dahliahadbeen scanning the crowd inthe inall center court. Christmas tines were pumping out over the sound system, the whole area glittered with holiday deco- rations, and children and their parents thronged Santa's Workshop to see the ‘human impostor dressed as Santa Claus and hist helpers “Tafly” she said very quietly. "Stop look- ingat those pajamas” "Why? Taffy sid, tuning iramabsorbed attention ofblue and white stripesto raise aquizzical brow. “Look—are those elves?" “Yes? "Taly explained patiently. “Amer- icans have this insane idea that elves are cutelitlesexless workers for Santa Claus, Weren'tyou listening during the briefing the humanclogy expert gavelast week?” “Realelves” Dabliabreathed “Oh, no!" Elves would eatanything, but they preferred fresh flesh. AS in, stll- breathing fresh. There was a reason elves ‘weren'tseen very often; inthe supernatu- ral world, vampires were encouraged to kill them on sight, though killing them was notoriously dificult. Taffy hunched her shouldersas she suddenly wanted to be inconspicuous, but the attempt was doomed to failure. Even ina sophisticated cityTike Rhodes, a tall busty vampire with bigblond hair and a white, wide-cheeked face stood ont, especially i she was with ‘tiny, busty, Contieuad on page 219 > : i i black-haired vampire in four-inch heels and a skintight skirt “Do they know we're here?” Tafly breathed, "Maybe" Dahlia said. “Who can tell how the air eurrents move ina place like this? ‘No matter how much Bulgati perfume I ‘wear, [smell like a vampire” ‘Santa had sixlitle helpers. They weren't so little, Dahlia realized now that she focused on them. “How are they able to be out in public?” ‘Tally sai. “They're wearing some sort of cheap magical spell” Dahlia said. “It works on ‘humans but noton us. Maybe they bought itoffa demon or arogue fairy” As Tafly peered at the elves, Dahlia said, “Ibeg your pardon,'to awell-dressed ‘woman hurryingby. ‘Thewomanstopped. "Yes?" shesaid, vis ‘bly nervous to be talking to the undead. She glaneed at Dablia’s Prada bag and relaxed abit "Do you see the elves helping Santa?” Dablia asked. ‘The women replied, “Yes, aren't they darling?” ‘Um, How do their teeth seem to you?" asked Tat ‘The woman gave Taffy a very odd look. “Just like.,teeth. Even, white, teeth,’ She hurried away. Dahlia and Taffy exchanged glances, ‘They saw teeth that were at least an inch long, needle-sharp and crowding the ‘mouths ofthe litle darlings, “Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" said a {quiet voice. Katamori was lithe and hand- some, his skin a strange pale gold now that he'd been out of the sun for so many decades, his hair inky black. He was also tireless and limber lover, as Dablia knew from a great deal of experience. Matsudo Katamori, who had once investigated crimes for the shogunate in nineteenth- century Japan, didn't live in the Rhodes nest. He had his own apartment. Dahlia, wasa frequent visitor “What shall we do?" Taf said. "Should Leal Don?” “What for?" Dahlia asked. “Surely, since itcalls for some subtlety and finesse, thisis job forvampires” Katamori smiled very slightly. “Yes, 1 ‘agree. Whatdo you think their plan is?” “Maybe they'e planningto killtheSanta Claus,” Dahlia suggested, “He smells old and slow and sick. He's big enough to bea ‘meal forthesixofthem” Men, Love &Life ¢ original short story! "Posing as holiday elves seems unnec- ‘essary to comer one old man,” Katamori said, “Tthink they've found younger, more tender prey, and plenty of it” He nodded toward the waiting line of children at the ‘entrance to the workshop being led up a ramp topretend Santaon his ake throne. “Whatever the elves intend, it'll be bloody" Dahlia said. "Weshould leave. fwe stay, we'll he blamed for this disaster” “That would be the smart thing to do” Katamori said, Without further discus ‘the three vampiressplitup,each headingin different direction. Dahlia glaneed back ‘to see that some of the elves were tracking her departure, their round facesimpassive, Others watched Katamori and Taf ‘Walking briskly to the nearest exit and emerging into the cold air, Dablia felt a niggling doubt that leaving the children, to their predators was the best thing todo, Doubt was nota feeling that sat easily in Dahlia’ gut. Herdecisions had alwaysbeen based on her chances of survival, and she ‘carried those decisions through. That was why she'd lasted aslongasshe had. ‘And yet. Dahlia tossed her purchases into the ear and slid into the driver's seat. While she didn’t have the exaggerated reverence for the sanctity of children that prevailed in modern society, she did feel abit uneasy about leaving so many prey creatures at the merey of killers they were too ignorant to fear. Until vampires had ‘come out, elves would never have dreamed of appearing in publie, With the success of the vampires’ emergence, other, more secretiveraces were beginning tn peer from the darkness that had concealed them, Stil, she was one vampire alone, Admit- tedly, she was a great vampire, Dahlia ‘thought: strong, quick, braveand resource- ful. But one vampire against a herd of elves—the outcome might not be in her favor. Shefumed. Stupid humans! Stupid humans who had saved her life after the Pyramid explosion, Stupid ‘humans who'd taught her to play Grand ‘Theft Autoat the firehouse. Stupid humans who'd posted pictures of their children all over their lockers, pictures she saw every time she visited. “Eiffing breathers!” She jammed her purseundertheseat, tucked thekeysin her bra, left the car and marched toward the entrance before she could reconsider, “Afterall” she said out loud, “fa group of childrenand parents vanish, who'stosay ‘thevampires won't be blamed anyway?” ‘Though Dahlia elt likean idiot for going, after the elves by herself, atthe same time she felt a frisson of sheer excitement. One ‘thing she missed about the old days was ‘that she didn't getto Kill oo many things anymore. Dahlia loved a good Sight, ACKINTHEWarmmall, she stopped at a store that had the dreadful spraying women atthe ‘entrance. She permit ted one of them to blow perfume over her ‘to mask her scent. She approached the central court carefully, using Christmas decorations and shoppers to stay out of theelves'sight, ‘The mall would be closing in less than ‘an hour. There was a flow of people exit- ‘ng, laden with shopping bags. Oddly, the crowd around Santa hadn't diminished at all. The line of children and parents was Justaslongasit had been, ‘There was no way for Dahlia totake out the elves without causing a very public "uproar, which she'd been forbidden to do. She couldn't make eye contact with every= ‘one there to compel them to do her will; vampire glamour worked only one-on-one, She stared at the elvesin frustration, They hadn't noticed her yet, but it was only a matteroftime. “Hierey'said a voiee,and someone thrust ‘achild'spufly purplecoatandapairofblack patent leather Mary Janes into herhand. “What?” Dahlia said, and looked up to seea transformed Tafly:her face made up to look almost human, a knit eap pulled overherblond hair, awoolly sear wrapped around her neck, “Tsaw you getting sprayed while [ was being transformed by the miracle of makeup,” Tafly said, deadpan, “I made a fewimpulse buys. You'll bemy little girl” Dalia understood instantly; Tafly had ‘come back to help the children too, but they'd need disguisestodoit. She pulled off her heels, stuck them behind a pillar and put on the Mary Janes. Taffy held the coat for Dahlia and stuck a matching purple bereton Dabliashead. "Youlookadorable?” “Tafly said, struggling to sound serious. “Way too pale, but cute asa button” “Whateverthat means.” “Let's get inline” Tafly said. “Come on, ‘sweetie. You know you want tosce Santa” Inamomentthey were within thecirele, ‘and one of the Continued on next page DECEMBER2010 GLAMOURCOM 219 Men, Love &Life © original short story! clves was motioning them forward. The elfseyes were ona totinoveralssitting on Santals lap, and he was tying so hard not to droolthathe didn'tgivethe neweomers theonce-overheshould have “Say cheose, sweetheart!" called a hhappy voice, and Dahlia glanced over to see Katamori standing outside the picket fence cirele, a camera heldto his face. She smiled, Taly beamed proudly, they both ‘waved, and thecamera lashed. Tilrip outhis throat ifhe docsr’tdelete that photo, Dablia thought, her smile never wavering. Dablia didn't know much about kids, but she did have the benefit of centuries cof observation, and she'd never seen such a.calm crowd. The lin rept forward, but none ofthe children complained or wept. ‘Then an elf slapped a sucker into her hand; Dahlia acceptedit, though she kept her face down as ifshe were bashful. She ‘was tall fora child of an age to see Santa, and she didn't want to press any more alarm buttons. She could tell the elf had gotten a whiff ofthe vampire smell he was Jooking around suspiciously. “Taffy scooped her up easily.“ going to tell them you're disabled” she whispered, “They won'tlookatyouashard” “Here, hones; et mecarryher” Katamor ssid cheerfully from right behind them, “Taffy handedheroverto him. “Fat your candy, ite gir said an elf, noticing thestill-wrapped sucker Dahlia obediently unwrapped the candy andhelditupsoshecouldsniffit. “’sdrugged; she whispered in Katarno- risear.“Explainshow quiet theyare” “The parents too?” “Maybe theyrejust exhausted” ‘That seemed more than likely. Some ofthe families were stumbling out ofthe workshop after their kids had their turn with Santa. But selected children were shooed int alitleherdby the largest re. “Ifyou stay, you geta special gift when Santa’ finished” female elfsaid persua- sively. She patted little gel on the head, and when the mother turned to lead the child away, the hunger in the elf’s eyes ‘was absolutely chilling Dahlia compared those urged into the herd with those allowed to walk away. She noted thatthe escapees—who had no idea hhow lucky they were—were the skinny kids litle bags of ones. Michelle Obama ‘ould have included this deterrentin her ‘eampaign against childhood obesity: "Stay slim oryoumay becaten by elves 220 GLAMCURCOM DECENBER 2010 “There are six of them,’ Tafly said. “Six cutellitte elves” “We get two apiece, Katamori said, still carrying Dablia in his arms. Taffy adjusted the purple beret on Dahlia’s head, and Dahlia glared at her. "None of them can survive,” Taffy said, planting a quick kiss on Dablia’s cheek, “Not a problem,’ Katamori whispered, a whisper almost imperceptible to the human ear. “And I don’t think there'll be many witnesses, if we can glamour the parents. Look around” ‘The central court wasalmost empty, the fewremaining shoppersscurryingout with their purchases, the shopkeepers locking up and departing. Dahlia began to hope that they could delay their attack on the elves until only afew families remained, But when they were two parties away from Santa, they were discovered, sor rime nnveshad been edging loser and closer to the three vampires, per- haps smelling them out or alerted by Dahlia’ pallor Theelfbared his altering teeth at Tally, who grabbed him ‘ithhandsasswiftaslightning-Thehuman ‘mom in front ofthem sereamed, especially ‘when Taffy gripped theelshead with both hhandsand swunghim aroundikeshe was snapping theereases from asheet. When she dropped him, you could see the creature as he really was: no sweet child but a red-haired, yllow-eyed ado- lescent elf with teth as sharp asice picks. “Ohmy God amothershrieked, “Getthem away from the children!” The remaining elves, their disguise blown, yanked off their jingling hats and sreen coats and began grabbing as many children as they could, Dablia leaped out of Katamorisarms and dived for the near- estone, who had tucked acherubie toddler under onearmandwas tyingto tearabsby from itsmother with the other. Elves are combative, but this group hadn't come prepared to fight anything more formidable than humans. Dahlia shoved the bby and its mother out of the ‘way and tackled the elf, wresting the tod dler from his muscular arms and tossing the child to safety Pinned down by the elf, Dablia tried to squeeze her hands around his neck, but he snapped at her and she heard a hone in her arm erack. The pain was terrible, but she'd felt worse, and she ‘would heal quiekly. The elf made the mis- take ofloosening his grip momentarily,and Dahliaeaped into the air, landinghard on his skull. The crunching sound was music to awarrior’s ears, Her Mary Janes, how- ‘ever, night neverbe the same, Dahlia heard a clang. Through the ‘throng of panicked bodies, she glimpsed a female ef with rough black hair opening drainage grate in the middle of the court. She was holding a plump little boy in her arms, and he was shrieking with terror. ‘Theelfand her captive dropped down into theblack opening ‘The boy's father, a muscular guy with a shaven head wearing a Chicago Bears Jacket, jumped down into the dark hole in pursuit, but Dahlia didn’t imagine he hhad a chance against an elf. The child's scream came up from the darkness, Dalia plunged in like Alice in Wonderland fol- lowing the White Rabbit—though Alice, if Dahlia remembered correctly, hadn't landed on an irate human. Dablia’s abrupt descent knocked the wind outof Bears Guy, andinthe momentof silence that followed, Dahlia said, “Pm hereto getyourson back” Offshetook, moving a silently as possi- Dlethrough the darktunnel. Theflat Mary Janes were turning out to be unexpect- edly convenient, though she would never admit that to Taffy. And then she ran full into something solid. “Oof the elf said, and then said a lot more in her whistling, popping native ‘tongue. Dahlia felt the elfs sharp finger- nails stab into her chest. Going for the ‘heart, she realized, and grabbed the elf’s bony wristand thrustitaway from herwith all her strength. Her leg brushed against something in the awful, snarling struggle Shethoughtit was the litle boy. After what seemed like an hous, Dablia, hhadsmashedallthebonesinthe eshand, and the elf was making pain noises. But Dahlia was growing tired, and theelf was still disconeertingly full of fight. Suddenly Dahlia wasstartled tofeel someonehuman ‘moving up behind her. From his scent, she could tell Bears Guyhad arrived, Dahlia said, "Get the child and go," in her most commanding voice. Instead, a ‘warm hand felt her face, then traveled down her arm to fx the location of the elf, Dahlia smelled the gun and knew what ‘was about to happen. The explosion was terriblein the confined space. ‘Theelfhowled and before itcould make another move, Continned on nest page > “dont see a gif” Dahlia said. “suppose have to search you to find it?” Dalia ippeditshead off She collapsed to the loorheside the body After asecond’srest, Dahlia made her- selfsitup against thewall."Doyouhave the boy?” sheasked wearily: "Yes, have Darryl” Bears sai, his voice soineredibly relieved and tender twas ll ‘even Dahliacould donotto weep. *Good you were armed.” Dahlia said “Though ofcourse l would've beaten her” “No doubt ofthat, sister. Tm an off duty cop. malvayscarrying” Dahliahadlostalotof blood. When she tried to stand, she almost crumpled back tothe floor but she knew it wouldbetwice asharda second time. She followed Bears, ‘who was carrying Darr. They made theft ‘way through the dark tunnel and toward thestream oflight where theentrance was located and where all kinds ofnoises were pouring through the hole Dahlia felt absolutely grumpy at the prospectofbeingseenso disheveled, wear ing the awful puffer coat, shredded and bloodied. The wounds were beginning to heal, though notasfastas they might. She ‘needed blood, and sheneeded itsoon Dahlia passed Bears to leap through the hole. She reached down behind her to pull himand Dareyiup. Whenshestraightened, she foundfive guns pointingather. “Put those things away” yelled Bears. “My ki'dbedeadifit wasn tforthislady. Dahlia Tooked so small and so injured that it was maybe a litte easier for the police officers to believe him. ‘There were dead elves—in wholeandin part—littering the entire oor ofthe cen- tercourt Santa wason stretcher with an ‘oxygen mask strapped tohis face. Families huddled in semihysterical clusters, talk- ingtomeninuniforms-Thingshad moved swiflly while Dablia was underground. She turned to find her friends. Men, Love &Life ¢ original short story! “Wait,” said a deep voice, and Dahlia paused in midstride. Bears stepped in front of her. "Dar- ryl wants to thank you.” The little boy held out his arms. He wanted = Dahliatopickhim up. With the police watching, Dahlia had no option but to take the child. Her mouth started watering immediately. Darryl smelled so good, and she was so hungry. Her fangs popped out. She smiled with a closed mouth and didn't try to say aword. “Cold,’said the little boy, touch- ing her cheek. She nodded. She ‘was always alittlless than room tempera- ture. “Thank you, the child said, and then he was more than ready to go back to his father. ‘You smell funny” he told Dahlia, when he was safe in his father’s arms, and ‘though Bears looked appalled, she knew itwas true. She smelled like vampire and blood and elf and the dreadful purple uffercoat. Shepulled the garmentoffand

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