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7 Answers How does someone change their passive

aggressive behaviors?
Teguh Li, studying psychology
Answered Sep 18, 2017 · Author has 695 answers and 827.7k answer views What prompt people to passive aggressive
behaviors?
Originally Answered: How can I change from passive aggressive to assertive?

Short answer — The way I see it, if what you’re aiming for is assertiveness, one How can I change my introvert behavior?

way to start is to start being honest with yourself. This includes being honest What are some powerful exercise behavior
change?
with your own emotions, and create clear personal boundaries.
Can someone be prone to both rage and passive-
Long answer — As far as I understand it, passive-aggressive behaviors would aggressive behavior?
usually stemmed from a feeling of either dissatisfaction or contempt, masked
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beneath a calm (passive) surface that is there only to serve as a smokescreen to one’s
true intentions, which is, making a point with action (aggressive).

People who demonstrate a passive-aggressive pattern on their behaviors might have

learned to do that as an indirect effect of certain emotional suppression during
childhood—especially here in Asian culture, many parents would often discourage
young people to fully express their emotions—especially negative ones. So, instead of
teaching them how to deal with their emotions upfront and with open eyes, these
kids would then bottle up and suppress their emotions so they won’t get yet another
scolding for expressing their dissatisfaction.

Of course, throwing tantrum every single time you don’t get your way is definitely
not the solution to any emotional distress, but often times many parents could be just
as inexperienced themselves on dealing with negative emotions, let alone to provide
their kids with the necessary tools on how to deal with their own negative emotions.
Thus, leading them to find other ways to express those negative feelings without
being “negative”, leading to a passive-aggressive behaviors.

That being said, from the way I see it, the core of passive-aggressive behavior is
dishonesty about one’s true feelings. If you feel that you’re stuck in a certain
cycle of some dishonesty with one self, you have to recognize your own boundaries,
and start to grow a courage to say NO, if you feel that you are not agreeing on a
plan, or something people tell you to do. Because to do otherwise—saying yes while
your feeling says no—things would be difficult not just for yourself, but for other
people as well. But mostly, it’ll be difficult for yourself.

For example:

Instead of saying NO when given a nonsensical task from a co-worker, one

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performance.

Instead of refusing to go along with friends to some place, one might be

compelled to “just go along” while demonstrating uncooperative behaviors
throughout the trip.

Instead of leaving a party when things get a little uncomfortable, one might
feel bad for leaving early, while feeling totally overwhelmed by everything
and everyone, leading to deliberate anti-social behaviors when approached.

Now, those are just few mundane examples where passive-aggressive behaviors
might take place. On those scenarios, you will notice that by being over-compliant to
other people’s plans, you are subjecting yourself to an emotional dishonesty,
suppressing it in the process rather unsuccessfully, which eventually lead you to
subtle, negative behaviors that “leaked out” of yourself without you really realizing it.

So at the end of the day, I’d say, it would certainly be much better for you to just say
NO when you feel you really have to, without being forceful about it. That is, the
essence of being assertive—you know where your boundaries are, and you make
it absolutely clear for other people to know where they are. This way, not only you’ll
feel good about yourself, people would usually respect your boundaries more too.

However, if by any chance you encounter a situation or someone who take your
assertiveness for granted, it is then no longer your problem anymore—it’s theirs.
It’s just the best decision you’ll ever make to avoid people who couldn’t understand
the idea of personal boundaries altogether.

I hope that helps. Good luck.

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Related Questions More Answers Below

What is your favorite passive aggressive behavior?

How can I change my malicious behavior?

How do I fix my own passive aggressive behavior?

Can you give a few examples of passive-aggressive behavior?

Someone online keeps complimenting me and telling me that I'm his favorite person. At first
I thought it was to make me less insecure but he c...
Ask New Question

Ron Whitaker, Lots of life

Answered Sep 16, 2017 · Author has 2.8k answers and 1.5m answer views

Originally Answered: How can I change from passive aggressive to assertive?

Still have a question? Ask your own!
There is need to try. No need to make changes with effort.
Ask

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behaviour. Next one needs to understand that one raised to be passive sees most
other behaviours as aggressive or pushy.

Thus it amounts to a learning what is passive behaviour. You know you do it but how.
What are the exact mechanisms creating your passive behaviour. It's a learning effort
of watching your own behaviour very intently and very carefully.

As you watch and learn, seeing in fact how and when you react passively, you get to
see triggers and signs. You get to understand in depth how you do it.

There it is the whole solution, done finished.

Of course you are now going to object and say “how do I change”?

If you continue to watch and observe you will further notice less and less passivity.
It's naturally going to change. Watched observed behaviour, if observed closely with
depth and intensity will naturally be modified.

Just watch and learn.

171 Views · View 1 Upvoter

Marty Abdon
Answered Sep 16, 2017 · Author has 634 answers and 301.9k answer views

Originally Answered: How can I change from passive aggressive to assertive?

(the following is from www.psychcentral.com )

5 Tips for Communicating Assertively without Being Passive-Aggressive

All of us are passive-aggressive. That is, we use a mild form of passive-

aggressiveness: “saying yes when we mean no,” according to psychotherapist Andrea
Brandt, Ph.D, M.F.T.

However, some of us use passive aggression on a regular basis.

Brandt defined passive aggression as “a coping mechanism people use when they
perceive themselves to be powerless or when they fear using their power will lead to
bad outcomes.”

We learn to be passive-aggressive as kids. This often happens in households with one

dominant parent and one subservient parent, said Brandt, author of 8 Keys to
Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness . “The child learns that powerful and volatile
people can’t be approached directly, but it’s OK to lie to them or keep secrets to get
what you want.”

A better approach is to be assertive. Assertiveness helps you communicate honestly,

cultivate authentic relationships, better understand your own feelings and get your
needs met.

Assertiveness entails having a strong sense of self-worth and establishing healthy

boundaries, Brandt said.

Assertive communication is clear, direct, has no hidden agenda and acknowledges

thehave
Still other person, she
a question? Asksaid.
your own!

However, “direct, emotionally honest, assertive communication” is key.Ask

It is “the best

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Here are five ways to communicate assertively.

1. Allow yourself to feel anger.

The biggest obstacle to assertive communication is the belief that anger is bad and
expressing it in an assertive way is “unseemly,” said Whitson , also a school
counselor and national speaker on bullying prevention, anger management and crisis
intervention.

However, anger is a normal and natural emotion, she said.

It isn’t a bad emotion, and people aren’t bad for feeling angry, Brandt said. “People
need to learn that they deserve to have their feelings whatever they are.”

Brandt suggested using mindfulness to process and express anger. She’s recently
written a book called Mindful Anger: A Pathway to Emotional Freedom, which
explores how to use mindfulness. (Here’s our review , and a helpful exercise
from the book.)

2. Make clear, assertive requests.

An assertive request is straightforward and doesn’t deprecate the other person,

Whitson said. This is in contrast to passive-aggressive requests, which are asked in a
“roundabout way, adding in backhanded jabs that are plain enough to hurt, while
covert enough to be denied.”

For instance, according to Whitson, a passive-aggressive request is: “After you get
your pedicure or do whatever it is you do all day while I’m at work, would you mind
picking up my dry cleaning for me? That is, if you are not too busy.”

If the other person gets angry, the passive-aggressive person responds with: “What? I
wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. I was just saying that you might be busy doing
other things. I didn’t know you’d be so sensitive about it. Geeze.”

This response lets them be a victim, “passive-aggressively musing about why the
other person can’t take a joke.”

However, an assertive request is simply: “Will you please pick up my dry cleaning for
me on your way home tonight?”

3. Validate the other person’s feelings.

This means understanding “their feelings and where they’re coming from,” Brandt
said. Validating feelings, however, doesn’t mean that you agree with them, she said.

Brandt gave this example: “Lisa, I understand that you’re upset because you have to
switch work days in order to get this project done; however, it is very important to
me and I appreciate your doing it.”

4. Be a good listener.

Being a good listener includes maintaining a “very respectful and open nonverbal
attitude and posture while listening to [the person] and [restating their] words,”
Brandt
Still have said.
a question? Ask your own!

You also maintain eye contact, and manage your own emotions and thoughts,
Ask so you

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5. Be collaborative.

Being assertive also means working together. It means being “constructive and
collaborative [and] look[ing] for ways to achieve a situation where both people are
happy.”

(the following is from www.getselfhelp.co.uk )

Beliefs

Eyes

Posture

Hands

Consequences

Still have a question? Ask your own!

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Julia Yeckley, Have schizoaffective disorder

Answered Sep 16, 2017 · Author has 2.3k answers and 444.2k answer views

Originally Answered: How can I change from passive aggressive to assertive?

You need confidence. You need to know what's right. But you have to be alright with
saying no as well. Then you have to be able to communicate effectively, and also
need to come to a common agreement to fix the agreement to fix the problem. And
hopefully they adhere to this mutual agreement. Because in this mutual agreement,
you both give up some sort of sacrifice to make common ground to reach a solution
to help better either a relationship or community or apartment or war. The term is
looking the battle to both win a larger war and odds that might be stacked against
you both. Say you both have issues cleaning up. Now if you both can't do this
consistently and are honest about it- see what a maid would cost. Or hire a friend. Or
something. Things can be fixed. You don't necessarily have to be “aggressive” or even
really “assertive” if you try to fix a problem rather than just complain about it, or talk
about it. Because if you just complain about this said problem with passive aggressive
notes or even aggressive or assertive ones, its just not going to work either way you
look at it. So, instead try to find an honest solution with somebody. Talk to them.
Don't just leave them a note and leave it as their problem. Your a neighbor. Be the
change you want in the community right? I think that is something we need more of
instead of assertive or passive people. I mean obviously you need to have gall and Be
assertive when you want a raise, but I think that's more working your butt off making
sure you deserve that raise more than somebody else, and learning more and let your
superiors know without a doubt you've earned that raise, and there's nobody else but
you that deserves it more than you do. And do your research on your company. Even
if its on your superior. Make sure you know what who your up against and obviously
your competition. And what you will be getting into when you get that raise. You will
need it!

89 Views · Answer requested by Daniel Ajekwe

Joanne Law, NLP Master Practitioner and observer of human behaviour

Answered Sep 23, 2017 · Author has 382 answers and 137.4k answer views

When you are being passive agressive you are not speaking up about your needs,
interests and values.

Understand your self and why you are not speaking.

Is it a legacy of your childhood and you are now in a situation where it would be safe
for you to express yourself more? If it is then practice saying what you think instead
of holding your opinions back or pretending to agree.

Are you in a situation where it would be dangerous for you to speak up and be
assertive? Probably not but pay attention. Ask your self what might happen if I say
what I think? What’s the worst realistic consequence? Can you live with that? OK say
what I think.

If the consequence is unacceptable rather than focusing on being assertive maybe

you need to focus on changing your situation so that you are safe to speak.

124 Views · View 2 Upvoters · Answer requested by Daniel Ajekwe and Andrea Summy

Still have a question? Ask your own!

Bhumi Jain, studies at Trinity Convent Senior Secondary School, Vidisha (2019)
Answered Sep 16, 2017 Ask

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happened you cant change it .however you can change your outlook towards it .if
something bad has happened instead of blaming yourself or others ..stay silent for a
minute and ask yourself that what this situation has taught you .now whatever you
are feeling write it on a piece of paper .smash bottle ..plastic one ..than when your
anger has finally calmed down ..talk to another person .listen to their side .instead of
telling them they are wrong .listen their full side first than politely say or begin with
“look i understand what you did .i believe you .it is okay .i am thankfull to you for
explaining it to me .but for a second please listen to me .i am not angry .i just want to
explain my side .our bond is precious for me to loose “

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Alan Davidson, Psychotherapist, writer, teacher. Please click 'follow'.

Answered Sep 17, 2017 · Author has 980 answers and 403.6k answer views

There are courses on assertiveness, Daniel. But it’s important that you deal with the
underlying causes of passive-aggressive behaviour.

There are two likely causes. You may feel uncomfortable with the idea of getting into
conflict with others because you fear that assertiveness will cause problems (it tends
to do the opposite, as you’ll discover on a course). Or else you’ve learned to behave in
this way because of past role-models (often our parents will have behaved in this
way).

There are other possibilities, but whatever may have created this behaviour pattern
it’s important to uncover it. If you can’t resolve this yourself then it would be a good
idea to see a therapist about it.

Good luck.

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