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The Book of Forgiving The Fourfold Path To Healing Ourselves and The World by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu Excerpt PDF
The Book of Forgiving The Fourfold Path To Healing Ourselves and The World by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu Excerpt PDF
Forgiving
Desmond M. Tutu
and Mpho A. Tutu
Edited by Douglas C. Abrams
the book of forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World.
Copyright © 2014 by Desmond M. Tutu and Mpho A. Tutu. All rights reserved. Printed
in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in
any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quota-
tions embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information address HarperCollins
Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022.
first edition
Tutu, Desmond.
The book of forgiving : the fourfold path for healing ourselves and our world / Des-
mond M. Tutu and Mpho A. Tutu ; edited by Douglas C. Abrams. —FIRST EDITION.
pages cm
ISBN 978–0–06–220356–4
BJ1476.T88 2014
179’.9—dc23 2013033890
14 15 16 17 18 rrd(h) 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 Why Forgive? 15
2 What Forgiveness Is Not 31
3 Understanding the Fourfold Path 45
Resources 226
Acknowledgments 227
Notes 230
caused harm and those who have been harmed is not clear
either. Each of us stands at one moment as the one who has
been hurt, and at the next moment as the one who is inflicting
the hurt. And in the next moment we straddle the boundary,
lashing out in pain and rage. We all cross these lines often.
Wherever you stand, whatever you have done, whatever has
been done to you, we hope this book will help you.
Together, we will explore each aspect of the Fourfold Path
of forgiving: Telling the Story, Naming the Hurt, Granting
Forgiveness, and Renewing or Releasing the Relationship.
We invite you to join us on this healing, transformational
journey. It doesn’t matter whether you are having trouble
moving forward from the wrongs that were done to you, or
whether you need the courage to admit the wrongs you have
done. Forgiveness is nothing less than the way we heal the
world. We heal the world by healing each and every one of
our hearts. The process is simple, but it is not easy.
I am writing this book with my daughter, Mpho, who is a
fellow priest. Mpho has worked deeply with parishioners and
pilgrims in their search for forgiveness and healing. She is
pursuing a doctorate on the subject of forgiveness and brings
a wealth of knowledge to this collaboration. She also brings
a very personal story of her own journey along the Fourfold
Path, and shares her struggle to understand and forgive.
This book is an invitation for you to walk with us on
the path of forgiveness. In it, we will share our personal
stories, along with the stories of others who have inspired
us, and what we have learned about the process of forgiv-
ing. We have seen this process work to transform situations
and restore relationships among family, friends, strangers,
those who need forgiveness must also forgive the harm that
was done to them. This is not an excuse or a justification
for what we have done, just recognition of the harm that
gets passed along from hand to hand and generation to gen-
eration. No one is born a criminal; no one is born cruel.
Each of us is born whole, but that wholeness can so easily be
shattered.
In South Africa, we chose to seek forgiveness rather
than revenge. That choice averted a bloodbath. For every
injustice, there is a choice. As we have said, you can choose
forgiveness or revenge, but revenge is always costly. Choos-
ing forgiveness rather than retaliation ultimately serves to
make you a stronger and freer person. Peace always comes
to those who choose to forgive. While both Mpho and I
have seen the effects of drinking the bitter poison of anger
and resentment—seen how it corrodes and destroys from the
inside out—we have also seen the sweet balm of forgiveness
soothe and transform even the most virulent situations. This
is why we can say there is hope.
We do not enter onto the path of forgiving blithely, nor
do we travel without some trepidation that it may not go as
planned. Forgiveness is a conversation, and like most impor-
tant conversations, it needs a language that is clear and honest
and sincere. This book will help you learn the language of
forgiveness. Along the way, we will offer meditations, exer-
cises, and rituals to guide and help you as you walk along the
path. Some of the exercises will, we hope, offer comfort and
solace, as well as inspire your compassion. We imagine that
some of the exercises will also challenge you.
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