BLACK MAGIC RAIN SAPARDI DJOKO DAMONO No2 Academic Session 1994/95 ISBN 9971-62-353-6 Department of Malay Studies National University of Singapore iSapardi Djoko Damono BLACK MAGIC RAIN Translated by Harry AvelingFOREWARD T.am delighted to write this short foreward to introduce the poems of Sapardi Djoko Damono, one of Indonesia’s leading modern poets. This is the second volume of poems produced under the Department's Literature Series started in 1993 - the first being a collection of poems by Sutardji Calzoum Bachri. ‘The Literature Series serves to make available literary works written in Malay and Indonesian to a much wider audience than hitherto possible. ‘The production of this volume, it is hoped, will further inform Singaporeans of the Indonesian literary scene. In this connection, the Department is deeply appreciative of the efforts put in by Mr Harry Aveling for translating and arranging the poems found in this volume. Finally, as in the case of the Department's Seminar/Occasional Papers Series, the views expressed in this volume are those of the author(s). July 1994 Tham Seong Chee Professor & Head Department of Malay StudiesPREFACE Sapardi Djoko Damono is a major contemporary Indonesian poet. He was bom in Solo, Central Java on 20 March 1940, and graduated from the Universitas Gajahmada, Yogyakarta, in English language and literature in 1964. Since then, he has taught at a teachers’ college in Madiun (1964-1968), the Universitas Diponegoro, Semarang (1968-1974), and the Universitas Indonesia, Jakarta (from 1974). He has been involved with the editorship of the major literary ‘magazines Basis (1969-1975) and Horison (from 1973). Sapardi’s first volume of poetry was published in 1969 under the title dukaMu abadi, the eternal sadness of God (Jeihan, Bandung). This is a tightly structured volume. It includes two sections, poems from 1967 and those from 1968. Both sections deal with human love and the nature of death, set against a mythical background of the exile of Adam and Eve from heaven. Perhaps there is a God, Sapardi muses, although why He should treat us so badly is hard to tell. In any case, we are alone in the world and must patiently endure the suffering which is now ours to bear. The imagery of the poems is based on contrasting patterns of life, day and light, and the passage into death, night and darkness. In 1974, Sapardi published a further two volumes, Mata Pisau (Knife Edge), and Aquarium, which have recently been reissued by Balai Pustaka under the one cover (Mata Pisau, 1982), Balai Pustaka have also published the collection Perahu Kertas (Paper Boats), in 1983. The poems in Mata Pisau deal with personal themes, some set overseas, especially in Hawaii where Sapardi studied in the early seventies. These poems maintain the gentle melancholy of Sapardi’s first volume, with an added note of wonder at the beauty (and the cruelty) of nature, as well as the further complexity of human relationships. In Perahu Kertas, Sapardi experiments with the prose-poem form, found in some pre-war Indonesian poetry but neglected after the move to a more "modern", harsh and cynical style of writing at the hands of authors such as Chairil Anwar (1922-1949), ‘The poems presented here derive from a volume published in Malaysia, Sihir Hujan (Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka, Kuala Lumpur, 1984). The volume was awarded the "Second Putra Poetry Prize" in 1983, in a literary competition sponsored by the Bank Bumiputra Malaysian Berhad, and organised by GAPENA, the Malaysian National Writers Association. Unfortunately the volume is now out of print and there are no plans to reprint it in Malaysia. (Some of the poems have also appeared subsequently in Perahu Kertas).* The poems in Black Magic Rain (Hujan Sihir) represent the distinctive beauty, strength and understatement which is most characteristic of Sapardi’s poetry. Most of the poems are very short, often only four lines. They move within the controlled range of imagery and themes which are especially his: the splendour of nature, the mystery of love and the brevity of human existence. The underlying tone is still melancholy, yet it is also deeply reverential. Unlike DukaMu abadi, there is little concern with God, although His presence is marked again by the simple pronoun% “You". Despite the continual changes one must endure, life itself is sacred, without the help of confusion of the othe realm “there" somewhere. The understatement, which sometimes moves to humour and even sometimes now to cynicism, only serves to underline this affection for everyday reality. In the poem “Time is Meaningless (Yang Fana Adalah Waktu), Sapardi writes: "Time is meaningless. We are eternal. "One would like to think that the best art is eternal, but even the best poetry quickly falls out of print. I am grateful that Hujan Sihir may continue to work its mystery in this form, Harry Aveling Department of Malay Studies National University of SingaporeTHREE OF US there are three of us in the room: myself, a knife, and language - you know, a knife is only a knife after it has blood on the blade my blood or the blood of the word KAMI BERTIGA dalam kamar ini kami bertiga: aku pisau, dan kata - kalian tahu, pisau barulah pisau kalau ada darah di matanya tak peduli darahku atau darah kataEAR "Come into my ear, he pleads tempted to enter his own ear so that he can hear everything precisely - each word, each letter, even the sighs and the explosions which create sound, "Come in,” he pleads. ‘Madness! Just to understand what he whispers to himself TELINGA “Masuklah ke telingaku, bujuknya. Gila: ia digoda masuk ke telinganya sendiri agar bisa mendengar apa pun secara terperinci - setiap kata, setiap huruf, bahkan letupan dan desis yang menciptakan suara "Masuklah," bujuknya. Gila! Hanya agar bisa menafsirkan sebaik- baiknya apa pun yang dibisikkannya kepada diri sendiri. j pXY IN CHILDREN’S HANDS In children’s hands, paper becomes Sinbad’s boat unconquered by the waves, become a bird whose calls open flowers in the forest; in children’s mouths, the word is Sacred. “Hey mister, please leave-my game alone." DI TANGAN ANAK-ANAK Di tangan anak-anak, kertas menjelma perahu Sinbad yang tak takluk kepada gelombang, menjelma burung yang jeritnya membukakan kelopak-kelopak bunga di hutan; i mulut anak-anak, kata menjelma Kitab Suci. “Tuan, jangan kauganggu permainanku iPAPER BOAT ‘When you were a child you made a paper boat and set it on the river’s edge; the calm strong current carried your boat quivering towards the sea “It is sailing to great cities," an old man told you. Delighted, you returned home with multicoloured pictures in your head, You waited for news of the boat and never forgot it. Finally the old man, Noah said, "I used your boat. There was a big flood. I left it on top of a mountain. PERAHU KERTAS ’ Waktu masih kanak-kanak kau membuat perahu kertas dan kaulayarkan di tepi kali; alimmya sangat tenang, dan perahumu bergoyang menuju lautan. “Ta akan singgah di bandar-bandar besar," kata seorang lelaki tua. Kau sangat gembira, pulang dengan berbagai gambar warna-warni di kepala. Sejak itu kau ‘pun menunggu kalau-kalau ada khabar dari perahu yang tak pernah lepas dari rindumu itu. Akhirnya kaudengar juga pesan si tua itu, Nuh, “Telah kupergunakan perahumu itu dalam sebuah banjir besar dan kini terdampar di sebuah bukit.”% BLACK MAGIC RAIN The rain knows the trees, the roads, and the gutters - recognises their voices; you will hear it, even after you shut the door and the windows. Even after you turn out the light. The rain, which knows, falling on the trees, roads and gutters - weaving spells so no one complains as it touches your deepest secret SIHIR HUJAN Hujan mengenal baik pohon, jalan, dan selokan - suaranya bisa dibeda-bedakan; kau akan mendengarnya meski sudah kaututup pintu dan jendela, Meskipun sudah kaumatikan lampu. Houjan, yang tahu benar membeda-bedakan, telah jatuh di pohon, jalan, dan selokan - menyihirmu agar sama sekali tak sempat mengaduh waktu menangkap wahyu yang harus kaurahasiakanFLUTE The bamboo flute reveals the man playing it, covering and freeing the holes, creating a prince and a princess in a distant kingdom of unfathomable beauty... ‘The man searching for the holes of his own being. SERULING Seruling bambu itu membayangkan ada yang meniupnya, ‘menutup-membuka jubang-lubangnya, menciptakan pangeran dan putri dari kerajaan-kerajaan jauh yang tak terbayangkan merdunya... Ta meraba-raba lubang-lubangnya sendiri yang senantiasa menganga.a) OUTSIDE THE DOOR outside the door: shadows of moonlight silent in the grass. The sudden light inviting him to go leaving everything silently behind him DI DEPAN PINTU di depan pintu: bayang-bayang cahaya bulan terdiam di rumput. Cahaya yang tiba-tiba pasang mengajaknya pergi mengulur jarak dengan sunyiI STOP THE RAIN I stop the rain. Now the sun wants me, lifts the fog slowly - something throbs inside of me: thrusting through the wet earth; a bitterness conceived by the rain and the sunlight. T cannot stop the sun demanding 1 create flowers. KUHENTIKAN HUJAN Kuhentikan hujan. Kini matahari merindukanku, mengangkat kabut pagi perlahan - ada yang berdenyut dalam diriku: menembus tanah basah; dendam yang dihamilkan hujan dan cahaya matahari. Tak bisa kuhentikan matahari memaksaku menciptakan bunga-bunga.» I WAIT FOR YOU 1 wait for you, as cotton flowers harden on the sterile trees of summer as june folds on june within me, then fades, all quietly noted, all silently released small clouds'pass over the bridge, I wait, the season is ash on my eyelids T hear an endless wave breaking across the sky here is desire, here is naked passion, the stars grow restless, thin summer has fallen; suddenly silence hangs across the cotton flowers and the herbs, I wait, perhaps, on the other side, there will be fewer clouds and nothing to wait for, not even you AKU TENGAH MENANTIMU aku tengah menantimu, mengejang bunga randu alas, i pucuk kemarau yang mulai gundul itu berapa juni saja menguncup dalam diriku dan kemudian layu yang telah hati-hati, tapi diam-diam terlepas awan-awan kecil melintas di atas jembatan itu, aku menantimu musim telah mengembun di antara bulu-bulu mataku kudengar berulang suara gelombang udara memecah nafsu dan gairah telanjang di sini, bintang-bintang gelisah telah rontok kemarau-kemarau yang tipis; ada yang mendadak sepi di tengah riuh bunga randu alas dan kembang turi aku pun menanti barangkali semakin jarang awan-awan melintas di sana dan tak ada yang merasa ditunggu begitu lama, kau pun tiadaLINES black lines slide across golden colours; in which season must we part without formal leave-taking? as the light cracks the sky is suddenly filled with harsh voices; are You, rainbow dust, the mystery of my own being? and sharp lines (sometimes returning, sometimes rejected) run across the golden screen showing that I am pregnant. You leave GARIS meluncur garis hitam atas warna-warna keemasan; di musim apa kita mesti berpisah tanpa membungkukkan perpisahan? sewaktu cahaya merekah ruang tiba-tiba penuh suara parau; Dikaukah debu bianglala itu abut diriku? dan garis-garis tajam (berulang Kembali, berulang ditolakkan) atas latar keemasan pertanda aku pun hamil, Kautinggalkan 107 THE ROOM You seem to understand: there is no space for air in this locked room. A bunch of plastic flowers on the table, an ash-tray filled with cigarette butts, and a book opened at the first page; I search for footnotes, there are none RUANG INI Kau seolah mengerti: tak ada lubang angin di ruang terkunci ini. ‘Seberkas bunga plastik di atas meja, asbak yang penuh, dan sebuah buku yang terbuka pada halaman pertama; aucari catatan kaki itu, sia-sia.9, MORNING when the morning breeze came, we briefly vanished, leaving only the shadows of our love - last night’s taunting riddle among the chairs, the table and the window. The room faded. We had been there hour after hour, saying nothing and now we were not. When the morning breeze came, neither asked: "Where are we?” ‘We began separately walking again love following in the footsteps of Love the continuing, endless riddle PAGI ketika angin pagi tiba kita seketika tiada di mana saja. Di mana saja bayang-bayang gema cinta kita yang semalam sibuk menerka-nerka di antara meja, kursi, dan jendela. Kamar berkabut setiap saat kita berada jam-jam terdiam samai kita tiada seketika. Ketika angin pagi tidak tak ada “Di mana kita?" masing-masing memulai kembali berkelana cinta yang menyusur jejak Cinta yang pada kita tak habis-habisnya menerka-nerka 12om, MY HEART IS A LEAF my heart is a leaf, flying, falling on the grass; leave it, let me briefly lie here; I want to see something, something long gone; the moment before you farewell your morning guest is eternity. HATIKU SELEMBAR DAUN hatiku selembar daun melayang jatuh di rumput; nanti dulu, biarkan aku sejenak terbaring di sini; ada yang masih ingin kupandang, yang selama ini senantiasa luput; sesaat adalah abadi sebelum kausapu tamanmu setiap pagi. 13METAMORPHOSIS Something strips you of your clothing, piece by piece, sits you in front of the mirror, and forces you to ask, “whose body am I wearing?" something silently writes the story of your life, decides when you will be born, and wity you will die - something which silently changes into you METAMORFOSIS ada yang sedang menanggalkan pakaianmu satu demi satu, mendudukkanmu di depan cermin, dan membuatmu bertanya, “tubuh siapakah gerangan yang kukenakan ini?” ada yang sedang diam-diam menulis riwayat hidupmu, menimbang- nimbang hari lahirmu, mereka-reka sebab-scbab kematianmu - ada yang sedang diam-diam berubah menjadi dirimu» AFTER CONVERSATION after brief conversation the colours shift to white. Outside is a pic-nic ‘we cannot attend SEHABIS PERCAKAPAN sehabis percakapan pendek, warna-warna menyisih ke putih. Tamasya yang di luar sia-sia menungguTHE ROOM when I entered the room it recognised me my footsteps, breath, the touch of my fingertips and now - we meet beyond time, by chance one afternoon no words are necessary no hard breathing no “is it morning already?” only cold lips cutting through my memories KAMAR ketika kumasuki kamar ini pasti dikenalnya kembali daku suara langkahku, nafasku dan ujung-ujung jari yang dulu menyentuhnya dan kali ini - pertemuan ini tanpa jam dinding begitu saja di suatu sore hari sewaktu percakapan tak diperlukan lagi tanpa engahan-engahan pendek tanpa “malam begitu cepat lalu!* dan kulihat bibir-bibimnya beku mengiris kenanganku.NOTES FROM CHILDHOOD He never asked anyone why two times two was the same as two plus two but one times one was less than one plus one althought three times three was more than three plus three. None was always his favourite number. And each time he added two plus three times four take away two he thought of the night his mother was sick and his father was away and he-heard his dead grandmother’s clogs walking in the yard and he had wanted to piss but he was afraid to go to the toilet because it was near the well so he had wet hhis bed instead. Nothing was the only number he could trust. CATATAN MASA KECIL Ia tak pernah sempat bertanya kenapa dua kali dua hasilnya sama dengan dua tambah dua sedangkan satu kali satu lebih kecil dari satu tambah satu dan tiga kali tiga lebih besar dari tiga tambah tiga. Sejak semula ia sayang pada angka nol. Dan setiap kali ia mengerjakan dua tambah tiga kali empat kurang dua ia selalu teringat waktu terjaga malam-malam ketika ibunya sakit keras dan ayahnya tidak ada di rumah dan di halaman tedengar langkah-langkah bakiak almarhum neneknya dan ia ingin kencing tetapi takut ke kamar kecil yang dekat sumur itu dan lalu kencing di kasur. ‘Sungguh, sejak semula ia hanya mempercayai angka nol.ry CONVERSATION what shall we talk about (the whispers of the clock shake the room, words have already been emptied. ‘The trees outside grow more green after ast night’s rain; the roses under the window more red; the fog only makes us forget) after the rain, as we try to remember names, the sound of the clock slowly turns white. PERCAKAPAN lalu ke mana lagi percakapan kita (desah ‘jam menggigilkan ruangan, kata-kata yang sudah dikosongkan. Semakin hijau pohonan di luar sehabis hujan semalaman; semakin merah bunga-bunga ros di bawah jendela; dan kabut, dan kabut yang selalu membuat kita lupa) sehabis hujan, sewaktu masing-masing mencoba mengingat-ingat nama, jam semakin putih suaranyaA POEM IN THREE PARTS 1 The night is cold. Shall I return to you? Colours suddenly fade into White. Leaving only breath I As I wait, you told me, the sound of bamboo rustling cuts me into tiny pieces; if you are untrue to me, I might just kill myself. m0 intoxicated by the cold stars I repeat your name. intoxicated by the sharp wind, I repeat your name intoxicated by the smell of wild grass, I repeat your name T have wanted to kill you for a long time, this might be the way SAJAK DALAM TIGA BAGIAN I Dingin malamkah ini yang kukembalikan kepadamu sepenuhnya? Warna-warni mendadak gaib dalam Putih. Tinggal senga I Di balik suara rumpun bambu itu aku tersayat menunggu, begitu katamu; ah, kau menggodaku untuk bunuh diri kalau kali ini pun palsu m bintang-bintang yang dingin itu telah membuatku mabuk menyebut-nyebut namamu angin yang tajam itu telah membuatku mabuk, menyebut-nyebut namamu bau rumput liar itu telah membuatku mabuk menyebut-nyebut namamu ternyata sudah sejak lama aku berniat membunuhmu, kekal padamuBITTERNESS bitterness mile after mile along the road the road to You as if yu were really waiting the sky carefully listening words never spoken a never-ending road mile after weary mile DENDAM. dendam berbatu-batu menikung menikung lagi ke arah-Mu seperti pasti Engkau menunggu angit yang mendengarkan dengan cermat kkata yang diucapkan tak sempat seperti tak habisnya menikung semakin berbatu-batu 20PASSING Something passed .. You rushing endlessly, never distinguishing ‘coming from going, arriving from departing, today from tomorrow, here from there YANG LEWAT Yang baru saja lewat itu? ey Engkau ‘Yang tak putusnya bergegas tanpa bisa membedakan berangkat atau kembali, sampai atau pergi, kelmarin atau nanti, ke sana atau ke mari No 21. WITHIN MYSELF a long river flows within me, called blood; a large lake stretches within me, called soul; rivers of sould ripple within me, called life! and because life is beautiful I weep DALAM DIRIKU dalam diriku mengalir sungai panjang, darah namanya; dalam diriku menggenang telaga darah, sukma namanya; dalam diriku meriak gelombang sukma, hidup namanya! dan karena hidup itu indah, ‘aku menangis sepuas-puasnya 22 Because the sky is blue It makes me cry (The Beatles) Because the sky is blue It makes me cry (The Beatles)ry SPLASHES OF LIGHT splashes of light. Green returns again, eaves become butterflies, singing children ppass by the window - then the light again, my heart this morning PERCIK-PERCIK CAHAYA percik-percik cahaya. Lalu kembali hijau namamu, daunan yang menjelma kupu-kupu, ketika anak-anak bernyanyi ‘melintas di depan jendela itu - lalu kembali cahaya sebutanmu, hatiku pagi ini 23A LYRIC TO ACCOMPANY JAZZ IMPROVISATIONS “my distant love: I don’t know how many times T have walked around this park Jain on the grass, among scraps of paper, dew, and broken bottles; cloaked myself in starlight and the long-breathed wind; I've never slept, waiting for you. An old man, who often passes by, spits and asks the time, tells me you never break your promises; but the village dog, with sleepy eyes, never comes when I call." He walks in a huge circle, unable to find a bench. LIRIK UNTUK IMPROVISASI JAZZ “sayangku yang jauh: entah berapa kali telah kukelilingi taman kota ini; telah bergolek di atas rumput, sobekan- sobekan kertas, embun, pecahan botol; telah bermantel sinar bintang-bintang dan angin yang panjang nafasnya; aku tak pernah tidur, menungeumu. Si tua yang suka lewat, meludah, dan menanyakan waktu itu selalu mengatakan kau tak pernah mengingkari janjimu; tapi anjing kampung yang matanya selalu ‘mengantuk itu tak pernah menyahut siulanku!”” Ta merasa seperti menyusuri lingkaran tak menemukan bangku panjang. 24FOR EXAMPLE if, for example, the vanished light rose on the surface of the letter, it would say goodbye. But Raden Panji will still sing (whether for the roots in the ground or the lightning in the sky) in the name of Anggraini’s dead body MISALNYA SAJA misalnya saja cahaya yang hilang timbul di permukaan surat adalah selamat tinggal. Tetapi Raden Panji kan terus jua bernyanyi (entah bagi akar di bumi atau kilat di langit) atas nama bangkai si AnggrainiTWO LIGHTS ON A TRISHAW two lights on a trishaw, singing softly in the harbour, lanes unfolding in the dark while the driver sleeps until the fog lifts they continue to sing, afraid that in the silence the beautiful flowers which yesterday fell from a coffin will suddenly blossom, enter the pores of his body and flow in his blood, making him feel like an ascetic in a cave, tempted by a thousand nymphs in inviting him to the heavenly Suralaya, then - hey! goodbye world SEPASANG LAMPU BECA ada sepasang lampu beca bernyanyi lirih di muara gang menjelang tengah malam sementara si abang sudah tertidur sebelum gerimis reda mereka harus tetap beryanyi sebab kalau sunyi tiba-tiba sempurna bunga yang tadi siang tanggal dari keranda lewat itu akan mendadak semerbak dan menyusup ke dalam pori-pori si abang beca atau mengalir di sela-sela darahnya sehingga ia merasa sedang bertapa dalam sebuah gua digoda oleh seribu bidadari yang menjemputnya ke suralaya dan hai selamat tinggal dunia 26THE PROBLEM Eve, what did the snake really say? Adam, what poetry did you hear in your wife’s weeping Snake, did you mean witat you said. Perhaps we owe our present condition to your lies. APAKARH... Hawa, apakah sesungguhnya yang dibisikkan ular itu? ‘Adam, apakah kaudengar yang lancung dalam isak isterimu? Ular, apakah sebenarya kau hanya melucu? Soalnya, mungkin kami kini begini hanya karena kalian tipu. 27SEED "My love for you," said Rama, "is as broad as the sea which has divided us for years, as high as the sky which has sheltered us, as plentiful as the monkeys in Kiskanda Cave. But..." Pregnant, Siti listened in silence. “... you have lived in that cruel king’s palace, you have slept in his bed, he knows all your secrets." Pregnant, Siti listened in silence: bewitched. “But the Giant is your father, the seed that created you, the seed which may have impregnated you, perhaps...” Pregnant, Siti listened in silence, as she tried to understand the will of the gods. BENIH “Cintaku padamu, adinda," kata Rama, “adalah laut yang pernah bertahun memisahkan kita, adalah langit yang senantiasa memayungi kita, adalah kawanan kera yang di gua Kiskenda. Tetapi..." Sita yang hamil itu tetap diam sejak semula. *... kau telah tinggal dalam sangkar raja angkara itu bertahun lamanya, kau telah tidur di ranjangnya, kau bukan lagi rahasia baginya." Sita yang hamil itu tetap diam: pesona. “Tetapi, si Raksasa itu ayahandamu sendiri, benih yang menjadikan-mu, apakah ia juga yang membenihimu, apakah..." Sita yang hamil itu tetap diam, mencoba menafsirkan kehendak para dewa. 28ws HANDKERCHIEF ‘Someone has deliberately dropped a handkerchief in the middle of this muddly lane. Unfortunately it is midnight and the town lies under a spell and has turned into a forest, so the handkerchief struggles trying to tell Rama of the plan... SETANGAN KENANGAN Siapakah’gerangan yang sengaja menjatuhkan setangan di lorong yang berlumpur itu. Soalnya, tengah malam ketika seluruh kota kena sihir menjelma hutan kembali, ia seperti menggelepar-gelapar ingin menyampaikan pesan kepada Rama tentang rencana... 29THE MESSAGE Please tell my brother, Raden Sumantri, that his arrow has accidently hit me in the heart. We love each other, and no line divides deliberate from not deliberate. If you see him, please tell him that I bear him no malice, and that when the war begins, I will... PESAN Tolong sampaikan kepada abangku, Raden Sumantri, bahwa memang kebetulan {jantungku tertembus anak panahnya. Kami saling menyinta, dan antara nr disengaja dan tak disengaja sama sekali tidak ada pembatasnya. Kalau kau bertemu dengannya, tolong sampaikan bahwa aku tidak menaruh dendam padanya, dan nanti apabila perang itu tiba, aku hanya akan... 309 DOVE You shot a dove. The dove showed no surprise. Some feathers fell, perched on the fingers of the wind, a few briefly collided, then lay on the leaves of grass. "Got it!” you said. One feather tried to reach the river so that it could be carried to the sea but the wind only dropped it near the bank. “Where has the bird gone?" you grumbled. A few drops of blood few through the air; some landed on sticks of sunlight, merged into the brilliant red rays, then fell onto some small flowers in the grass. “What a beautiful call," said a small girl passing by, suddenly feeling she had been carried to a lovely garden. TEKUKUR Kautembak tekukur itu. Ia tak sempat terkejut, beberapa lembah bulunya lepas; mula- mula terpencar di sela-sela jari angin, satu-dua lembar sambar-menyambar sebentar, lalu bersandar pada daun-daun rumput. "Kena-kena!" serumu. Selembar bulunya ingin sekali mencapai kali itu agar bisa terbawa sampai.jauh ke hilir, namun angin hanya meletakkannya di tebing sungai. "Tapi ke mana terbang burung luka itu?" gerutumu, Tetes-tetes darahnya melayang: ada yang sempat melewati berkas-berkas sinar matahari, membiaskan warna merah cemerlang, lalu jatuh di kuntum=kuntum bunga rumput. "Merdu benar suara tekukur itu," kata seorang gadis kecil yang kebetulan lewat di sana; ia merasa tiba-tiba berada dalam sebuah taman bunga. 31I HOLD THE FLOWERS Thold the flowers tightly as the children swoop, my husband, Who knows, when they have gone, there may still be a few for you KUGENGGAM ERAT kugenggam erat-erat setangkai bunga ketika anak-anak menyerbu, suamiku, Siapa tahu setelah mereka reda ia masih tetap di tanganku, untukmu 32“ DRAMA, 1 the red spotlight still burns; the caretaker is asleep, he forgot to turn it off six hundred empty chairs watch the silence, more powerful than the cry of a tiny bat some microphones hang over the stage, listening to the unspoken words which rise from among the shouting prisoners: “Was I convincing as a dumb guard, my Lord?" the words seem to grow louder SANDIWARA, 1 masih ada sebuah lampu panggung menyala; jaga malam itu tertidur, lupa mematikannya enam ratus kursi kosong menonton sepi yang lebih perkasa dari cicit kelelawar beberapa mikrofon yang tergantung di panggung seperti mendengar kalimat yang tak boleh diucapkan di tengah-tengah para tahanan yang berteriak-teriak itu, “Apakah sudah meyakinkan permainan-ku sebagai sipir bisu ini, Paduka?" seperti semakin keras juga- 33oy DRAMA, 2 First we see an old man, sitting in a rocking chair. A table, chairs, cold coffee, an electric light, and some letters scattered across the floor. He rocks backwards and forwards. He rocks, cursing several people whose names mean’ nothing to us, swearing at the table, the chairs and the letters - and we laugh. Suddenly he stands and leaves. Off stage we hear him shouting various names. No one answers him. The chair continues rocking. Why are we laughing? Even as his voice rises and the lights fade, the chair continues to rock. We, the audience, must go home, even though we have not yet finished laughing. SANDIWARA, 2 ‘Mula-mula adalah, seorang lelaki tua di panggung, di atas kursi goyang. Meja, kursi, kopi yang sudah dingin, lampu gantung, dan surat-surat bertebaran di lantai, Bergoyang-goyang. Ia bergoyang sambil mengutuk beberapa nama yang tak kita kenal, mengejek meja ‘kursi dan surat-surat itu - dan kita ketawa, Mendadak ia berdiri dan masuk - dari dalam ia memanggil-manggil nama, tanpa sahutan, Kursi masih bergoyang-goyang. Tetapi kenapa kita ketawa? Bahkan ketika suaranya terdengar semakin serak dan lampu semakin redup - kursi itu tetap bergoyang. Kita, penonton, harus pulang, sebelum sempat lagi ketawa,DRAMA, 3 a red spotlight on the bed, a pale green spot on the pistol on the wall, and a blue spot on the main actor’s face good, a white spot on the woman endlessly circling the stage dressed all in white and the black spotlight on you - he is still searching for you, in the audience, among those dazed by the play my job is simple; when I hear you scream - I am in charge of the lights - I have to turn on every light in the theatre, because now I have found you at last - that’s what the director told me SANDIWARA, 3 sorot merah untuk tempat tidur, sorot hijau remang untuk pestol yang tergangtung di dinding, dan sorot biru harus tepat di wajah lelaki aktor utama baiklah, sorot putih untuk perempuan itu yang tak letih-letihnya mengitari panggung ‘mengenakan serba putih dan sorot hitam memang untukmu - ia tengah mencarimu di tengah penonton yang sedang terbius sandiwara ini sedangkan tugasku sederhana: kalau terdengar jeritmu tiba-tiba, aku - petugas tata lampu - harus segera menyalakan lampu seluruh gedung sebab sudah Jautemukan kau - ini sesuai dengan petunjuk sutra-dara 35fy HELLO SUN! hello sun! You who give colour to the sea and the forgotten fields as the ship’s sail talks in its sleep of flowers spreading in the tall grass SALAMKU MATAHARI salamku matahari! Yang membagi-bagikan wama di laut, di padang-padang yang dilupakan ketika layar perahu mengigau tentang bunga ilalang panjang 36MIRROR, 1 the mirror never screams; it never shouts, sobs or cries, no matter what happens, inverted within itself; perhaps it only asks: why you seem so silent? CERMIN, 1 cermin tak pernah berteriak, ia pun tak pernah ‘meraung, tersedan, atau terisak, meski apa pun jadi terbalik di dalamnya; barangkali ia hanya bisa bertanya: mengapa kau seperti kehabisan suara? 37MIRROR, 2 suddenly you melt into the room, as you search inside the mirror; but the mirror still reflects you, wherever you are, if you are mist you will cling to the glass, if you form drops you will spray everywhere and the mirror will hold you, you cannot escape CERMIN, 2 mendadak kau mengabut dalam kamar, mencari-cari ry dalam cermin; tapi cermin buram kalau kau entah di mana, kalau kau mengembun dan menempel di kaca, kalau kau mendadak menetes dna terpercik ke mana-mana; dan cermin menangkapmu sia-sia 38ry ON A ROCK he sits on a rock and throws gravel into the creek he swings his feet back and forth, making ripples, he looks all around: at the sun as it appears and disappears in the gaps of the quivering leaves, the path climbing water’s edge, the two dragonflies - he wants to be sure he is really here DI ATAS BATU ia duduk di atas batu dan melempar-lemparkan kerikil ke tengah kali ia gerak-gerakkan kaki-kakinya di air sehingga memercik ke sana ke mari ia pandang sekeliling: matahari yang hilang-timbul di sela goyang daun-daunan, jalan setapak yang mendaki tebing kali, beberapa ekor capung - ia ingin yakin bahwa benar-benar berada di sini 39EXPLOSION the firework explodes. Silence (Say something, you whisper) slowly opens in the folds between your breath. I think of a dragonfly caught on a spider’s web, silhouetted against the sun MAKA BERPECAHAN maka berpecahan bunga api. Diam pun (katakan sesuatu, bisikmu) meretas di antara berkas-berkas nafasmu. Kubayangkan si capung di jaring laba-laba, pada silangan-silangan cahaya 40TIME IS MEANINGLESS Time is meaningless. We are eternal: picking moment after moment, threading them like flowers until one day we forget why. "But, time is meaningless, isn’t it?” you ask, We are eternal. YANG FANA ADALAH WAKTU ‘Yang fana adalah waktu. Kita abadi: ‘memungut detik demi detik, merangkainya seperti bunga sampai pada suatu hari kita Iupa untuk apa. “Tapi, yang fana adalah waktu, bukan?" tanyamu, Kita abadi. 41® YOU Mister mystery, aren’t you? Just a moment, I'm out to lunch. TUAN Tuan Tuhan, bukan? Tunggu sebentar saya sedang keluar. 42=) I GUESSED I guessed you were coming. I’ve seen this before, like two fish circling the bait, little by little, rubbing themselves against the rocks, moving, around and around in tiny circles, moving, crazily flinging themselves against the rocks. I guess the fisherman is still asleep on the river-bank. By himself. SUDAH KUTEBAK Sudah kutebak kedatanganmu. Seperti biasanya, kau berkias tentang sepasang ikan yang menyambar- nyambar umpan sedikit demi sedikit, menggosok-gosokkan tubuh di karang-karang, menyambar, berputar-putar membuat lingkaran, menyambar, mabuk membentur batu-batuan Kutebak si pengail masih terkantuk-kantuk i tipu sungai itu. Sendirian. 4BTHE WIND "If I wasn’t..." But you are the wind! You must keep moving from one corner of the room to the other, through the shutters, and over the mountain top. “If 1...* But you are the wind! Almost breathless from trying to tell me of the quarrel between the sunlight and the colours of the flowers. “If ..." But you are the wind! Don’t shout: I am deafened by your perfume. ANGIN “Seandainya aku bukan ..." Tapi kau angin! Tapi kau harus tak letih-letihnya beringsut dari sudut ke sudut Kamar, menyusup celah-celah jendela, berkelibat di pundak bukit itu. “Seandainya aku..." Tapi aku angin! Nafasmu tersengal setelah sia-sia menyampaikan padaku tentang perselisihan antara cahaya matahari dan wama-warna bunga. “Seandainya ..." Tapi kau angin! Jangan menjerit: + semerbakmu memekakkanku," PARTY it was the usual boring party. A few tears, a few lies; the smell of the flowers trembling on the clock, trying to take you to places you only see in you dreams... at the well, the Murderer washes his hands, and his face, and his feet PESTA. pesta berlangsung sederhana. Sedikit tangis, basa-basi itu; tinggal bau bunga gemetar pada tik-tok jam, ingin mengantarmu sampai ke tanah-tanah sana yang sesekali muncul dalam mimpi-mimpinya... di sumur itu, si Pembunuh membasuh tangan, muka, dan kakinya 451 AM THE LAKE am the lake: sail the boat; sail through the tiny ripples which stir the lotus flowers; sail watching the gleam of their fragrance; then, when you reach the other side, go on - I will keep watch over it. AKULAH SI TELAGA akulah si telaga: berlayarlah di atasnya; berlayarlah menyibakkan riak-riaknya kecil yang menggerakkan bunga-bunga padma; berlayariah sambil memandang harumnya cahaya; sesampai di seberang sana, tinggalkan begitu saja - perahumu biar aku yang menjaganyaISENT YOU I sent you a postcard, dear wife, par avion: with a picture of a park, grass, flowers, benches, and a few old men, some doves, and the endless sky Of course, I’m not in the picture. Although I'am. KUKIRIMKAN PADAMU kukirimkan padamu Kartu pos bergambar, isteriku, ar avion: sebuah taman kota, rumputan dan bunga-bunga, bangku dan beberapa orang tua, burung-burung merpati dan Iangit yang entah batasnya. Aku, tentu saja, tak ada di antara mereka, Namun ada. 479% SPREADING WINGS spreading insect wings scattered across the grass, and the flowers we leave the neglected park quickly our feet dreaming of the earth BERTEBARAN SAYAP bertebaran sayap-sayap serangga terserak atas rumput, atas bunga-bunga kita bergegas meninggalkan taman yang ditelantarkan ini sementara kaki kita bermimpi tentang bumi 48Ke) BLACK SAID Black said to white, “If Lun, I will spoil you." Black sank into white and white, Lord God, changed black - forever! HITAM BERKATA Hitam berkata kepada putih, “Aku luntur, kau tahu, dan kau kena hitamku." Hitam tenggelam ke dalam putih dan putih, ya Allah, menjelma hitam - membatu! 497 ENDLESS SILENCE endless silence: tongue and nostrils silence like the forest: trees falling animals rotting beside a dry river, hunters searching for the imprint of the senses... SUNYI YANG LEBAT sunyi yang lebat: ujung-ujung jari sunyi yang lebat: bola mata dan gendang telinga sunyi yang lebat: lidah dan lubang hidung sunyi yang dikenal sebagai hutan: pohon-pohon roboh, Margasatwa membusuk di tepi sungai kering, para pemburu mencari jejak pancaindra... 50THE ASCETIC Do not disturb me: I am a warrior, meditating in a cave, or an egg, or a word - all are the same. One day, when I am wrapped in vines, I will become a seed, I will know what it means - do you still dare greet me, Brother? PERTAPA Jangan menggangu: aku, satria itu, sedang bertapa dalam Ce sebuah gua, atau sebutir telur, atau sepatah kata - ah, apa pula bedanya. Pada saatnya nanti, kalau aku sudah dililit akar, sudah, merupakan benih, sudah mencakai makna - masih beranikah kau menyapaku, Saudara? 51”) OTHER DEPARTMENTAL LITERATURE SERIES AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE AT S$$3.00/- PER COPY Sutardji Calzoum Bachri, Black Soup (tx by Harry Aveling), No 1, 1992/93.BLACK MAGIC RAIN Sapardi Djoko Damono (transl. Harry Aveling) Preface Sapardi Djoko Damono is a major contemporary Indonesian poet. He was born in Solo, Central Java, on the 20th March 1940, and graduated from the Universitas Gajahmada, Yogyakarta, in English language and literature in 1964. Since then, he hhas taught ata teachers college in Madiun (1964-1968) the Universitas Diponegoro, Semarang. (1968-1974), and the Universitas Indonesia, Jakarta (from 1974). He has been involved with the editorship of the major literary magazines Basis (1969-1978) and Horison (from 1973). Sapardis first volume of poetry was published in 1969 under the title dukaMu abadi, the eternal sadness of God (Jeihan, Bandung). This isa tightly structured volume. It includes two sections, poems from 1967and those from 1968. Both sections deal with human love and the nature of death, set against a mythical background of the exile of Adam and Eve from heaven. Perhaps there is a God, Sapardi muses, although why He should treat us-so badly is hardto tell. In any ease, we are alone in the world and must patiently endure the suffering which isnow ours tobear. The imagery ofthe poems is based on contrasting patterns of life, day and light, and the passage into death, night and darkness. In 1974, Sapardi published a further two volumes, Mata Pisau, Knife Edge, and Aquarium, which have recently been reissued by Balai Pustaka under the one cover (Mata Pisau 1982) Balai Pustaka have also published the collection Perahu Kertas, Paper Boats, in 1983. The poems in Mata Pisau deal with personal themes, some set overseas, especially in Hawaii where Sapardi studied in the early seventies: These poems maintain the gentle melancholy of Sapardi’s first volume, with an added note of wonder at the beauty (and the cruelty) of nature, as well as the further complexity of human relationships. In Perahu Kertas, Sspardi experi- ments with the prose-poem form, found in some pre-war Indonesian poetry but neglected after the move toa more “modern”, harsh and cynical style of writing at the hands of authors such as Chairil Anwar (1922-1949). ‘The poems presented here derive from a volume published in Malaysia, Sihir Hujan (Dewan Bahasa dan Pustake, Kuale Lumpur 1984). The volume was awarded the “Second Putra Poetry Prize” in 1983, in a literary competition sponsored by the Bank Bumiputra Malaysia Berhad, and organised by GAPENA, the Malaysian National Writers Association. Unfortunately the volume is now out of print and there are no plans to reprint it in Malaysia.” (Gome of the poems have also appeared subsequently in Perahu Kertas.) ‘The poems in Black Magic Rain /Hujan Sihir represent the distinctive beauty, strength and understatement which is most characteristic of Sapardi’s poetry. Most of the poems are very short; often only four lines. They move within the controlled range of imagery and themes which are especialy his: the splendour of nature, themystery of love,and the brevity of human existence. The underlying tone is still melancholy, yet it is also deeply reverential. Unlike dukaMu abadi, there is little concern with God, although His presence is marked again by the simple pronoun “You”. Despite the continual changes one must endure, life itself is sacred, without the help or confusion of the other realm “there” somewhere. The understatement, which sometimes moves to humour and even sometimes now to cynicism, only serves to underline this.affection for everyday reality. In the poem "Time is Meaningless” (Yang Fana Adalah Waktu), Sapardi writes: “Timeis meaningless, We are eternal. “One would like to think that the best artis eternal, but even the best poetry quickly falls out of print. Iam grateful that Hujan Sikir may continue to work its mystery in this form. Harry Aveling i% Three of Us there are three of us in the room: myself, a knife, and language — you know, @ knife is only a knife after it has blood on the blade ‘my blood or the blood of the word Kami Bertiga dalam kamar inj kami bertiga: aku dan kata — tahu, pisau barulah pisau kalau ada darah di matanya ‘tak peduli darahku atau darah kata Ear "Come into my ear, he pleads, Madness tempted to enter his own ear so that he can hear everything precisely — each word, each letter, even the sighs and the explosions which create sound, “"Come in,” he pleads. Madness! Just to under- stand what he whispers to himself, Telinga ““Masuklah ke telingaku, bujuknya. Gila: in digoda masuk ke telinganya sendiri agar bisa mendengar apa pun secara terperinei — setiap kata, setiap huruf, bahkan letupan dan desis “Masuklah,” bujuknya, 1609 Gila! Hanya agar bisa menafsirkan sebsik- baiknya apa pun yang dibisikkannya kepada diri sendici. In Chil iren’s Hands In children’s hands, paper becomes Sinbad’s boat tunconquered by the waves, becomes a bird whose calls open flowers in the forest; in children’s mouths, the word is Sacred. “Hley mister, please leave my game alone.” Di Tangan Anak-anak Di tangan anak-anak, kertas menjelma perahu Sinbad yang tak takluk kepada gelombang, menjelma burung yang jeritaya membukakan Kelopak-kelopak bunga di hutan; 4i mulut anak-anak, kata menjelma Kitab Suci. ‘Tuan, jangan kauganggu permainanku ini.” Paper Boat When yois were a child you made a paper boat and set it on the river's edge; the calm strong current caried your boat quivering towards the sea “Ie is sailing to great cities," an old man tld you, Delighted, you returned home with multicoloured pictures in your head. You waited for news of the boat and never forgot it Finally the old man, Noth, said “I used your boat. ‘There was a big food, I left it on top of « mountain.” Perahu Kertas Waktu masih kanak-kanak kau membuat perahu kert kaulayarkan di tepi kali alirnya sangat tenang, ddan perahumu bergoyang menuju lautan. dan 161"Ia akan singgah di bandar-bandar besar.” kata seorang lelaki tua. Kau sangat gembira, pulang dengan ber- bagai gambar warna-warni di kepala. Sejak itu kau pun menunggu kalau-kalau ada kabar dari perahu yang tak pernah lepas dari rindumu itu. Akhirnya kaudengar juga pesan si tua itu, Nub, “Telah kupergunakan perahumu itu dalam sebuah banjir be- sar dan kini terdampar di sebuah bukit.” Black Magic Rain ‘The rain knows the trees, the roads, and the gutters — recognises their voices; you will hear it, even after you shut the door and the windows. Even after you turn out the light. The rain, which knows, falling on the trees, roads and gutters — weaving spells 20 no one complains as it touches your deepest secret Sihir Hujen Hujan mengenal baik pohon, jalan, dan selokan — suaranya bisa dibeda-bedakan; kkau akan mendengarnya meski sudah kaututup pintu dan jendela. Meskipun sudah kaumatikan lampu. Hujan, yang tahu benar membeda-bedakan, telah jatuh 4i pohon, jalan, dan selokan — menyihirmu agar sama sekali tak sempat mengaduh waktu menangkap wabyu yang harus kaurahasiakan Flate ‘The bamboo flute reveals the man playing it, covering and freeing the holes, creating 1624 prince and a princess in a distant kingdom of unfathomable beauty. . ‘The man searching for the holes of his own being. Seruling Seruling bambu itu membayangkan ada yang meniupnya, ‘menutup-membuke lubang-lubangnya, menciptakan pangeran dan putri dari kerajaan-Kerajaan jauh yang tak terbayangkan merdunya, . Ta merabe-raba lubangelubangnya sendiri yang senan- tiasa mengange Outside the Door silent in the grass. The sudden light inviting him to go leaving everything silently behind him Di Depan Pintu di depan pintu: bayang-bayang cahaya bulan terdiam di rumput. Cabaya yang tiba-tiba pasang mengajaknya pergi mengulur jarak dengan sunyi Stop the Rain I stop the rain. Now the sun wants me, lifts the fog slowly — something throbs inside of me: thrusting through the wet earth; a bitterness conceived by the rain and the sunlight. 163SS J cannot stop the sun demanding I create flowers Kuhentikan Hujan Kuhentikan hujan. Kini matshari ‘merindukanku, mengangkat kabut pag perlahan — yang berdenyut dalam diriku: rmenembus tanah besah; dendam yang dihamilkan bujan dan eahaya matahari. Tak bisa kuhentikan matahari ‘memaksaku menciptakan bunga-bunge. I Wait for You 1 wait for you, as cotton flowers harden on the sterile trees of summer as june folds on june within me, then fades, all quietly noted, al silently relessed small clouds pass over the bridge, I wait, the season is ash on my eyelids hear an endless wave breaking across the sky here is desire, here is naked passion, the stars grove restless, thin summer has fallen; suddenly silence hangs across the cotton flowers and the herbs, I wait, perhaps, on the other side, there will be fewer clouds and nothing to wait for, not even you Aku Tengah Menantimu aku tengah menantimu, mengejang bunga randu alas di pucuk kemarau yang mulai gundul itu berapa juni saja menguncup dalam diriku dan kemudian layu yang telah hati-hati kucatat, tapi 164awan-awan kecil melintas di atas jembatan itu, aku menantimu ‘musim telah mengerabun di antara bulu-bulu mataku ikudengar berulang suara gelombang udara memecah nafau dan gairah telanjang di sini bintang:bintang gelisah telah’rontok kemarau-kemarau yang tipis; ada yang mendadak sepi di tengah riuh bunga randu alas dan kembang turi aku pun menanti barangkali semakin jarang awan-awan melintas di sana dan tak ada yang merasa ditunggu begitu lama, kau pun tiada Lines black lines slide across golden colours; in which season must we part without formal leave-taking? as the light cracks the sky is suddenly filled with harsh voices; are You, rainbow dust, the mystery of my own being? and sharp lines (sometimes returning, sometimes rejected) run across the golden screen showing that I am pregnant. You leave Gari meluneur garis hitam atas warna-warna keemasan; di musim apa kita mesti berpisah tanpa ‘membungkukkan perpisahan? sewaktu cahaya merekah ‘ruang tibsctiba penuh suara parau; Dikaukah debu bianglal itu Kkabut diriku? 165dan garis-garis tajam (berulang Kembali, berulang ditolakkan) atas latar keemasan pertands aku pun hamil, Kautinggalkan ‘The Room You seem to understand: there is no space for air in this locked room. A bunch of plastic flowers on the table, ‘an ash-tray filled with cigarette butts, and a book opened at the first page: I search for footnotes, there are none Ruang Ini Kau seolah mengerti: tak eda lubang angin i ruang terkunci ini Seberkas bunga plastik di atas meja, asbak yang penuh, dan sebuah buku yang terbuka pada halaman pertam: kaucari catatan kaki itu, sia-sia. Morning when the morning breeze came, we briefly vanished, leaving only the shedows of our love — last night’s taunting riddle among the chairs, the table and the window. The room faded, We had heen there hour after hour, saying nothing and now we were not. When the morning breeze came, neither asked: “Where are we?” ‘We began separately walking again love following in the footsteps of Love the continuing, endless riddle 166Pagi etika angin pag tba kita seketika tada 4i mana saja. Di mana saja bayang-bayang gema cinta kita ‘yang semalam sibuk menerka-nerka i antara meja, kursi, dan jendela. Kamar Derkabut setiap saat kita bera‘ jam-jam terdiam la seketika, Ketika angin ssampai kita pagi tiba tak ada “Di mana kita?” ‘masing-masing memulai kembali berkelana cinta yang menyusur jejak Cinta yang pada kita tak habis-habisnya menerka-nerka My Heart is a Leaf ry heart isa leaf, flying, falling on the grass; leave it, let me briefly lie here: I want to see something, something long gone: the moment before you farewell your morning guest is eternity Hatiku Selembar Daun hatiku selembar daun melayang jatuh di rumput; nanti duly, biarkan aku sejenak terbaring di ada yang masih ingin kupandang, yang selama ini senantiasa luput; sesaat adalah abadi sebelum kausapu tamanmu setiap pagi. Metamorphosis Something strips you of your clothing, piece by piece, sits you in front of the mirror, and forces you to ‘hose body am I wearing?” something silently writes the story of your life, decides when you will be born, and why you will die — something which silently changes into you 167Metamorfosie ada yang sedang menanggalkan pakaianmu satu demi satu, mendudukkanmu di depan cermin, dan membuatmu ber- tanya, “tubuh siapakah gerangan yang kukenaken ada yang sedang diam-diam menulis riway t hidupmu, me- nimbang-nimbang hari lahirmu, mereka-reka seb sebab kematianmu — ‘ada yang sedang diam-diam berubah menjadi dirimu Alter Conversation after brief conversation the colours shift to white. Outside is @ pic-nic we cannot attend Sehabie Percakapan sehabis percakapan pendek, ‘warne-warna menyisih ke putih. Tamasya yang di luar sia-sia menunggu The Room when I entered the room it recognised me my footsteps, breath, the touch of my fingertips and now — we meet beyond time, by chance one afternoon no words are necessary 168, :ro hard breathing no “is it morning already?” only cold lips cutting through my memories Kamar ketika kumasuki kamar ini pastidikenalnya kembali daku suara langkahku, nafasku dan ujung-ujung jari yang dulu menyentuhnya dan kali ini — pertemu tanpa jam dinding Degitu saja di suatu sore hari sewaktu percakapen tak diperlukan lagi tanpa engahan-engaban pendek tanpa “‘malam begitu cepat lalu!” dan kulihat bibir-bibirnya beku smengiris kenanganku Notes from Chil hood He never asked anyone why two times two was the same as two plus two but one times one wasless than one plus one although three times three was more than three plus three. None was always his favourite number. And each time he added two plus three times four take away two hhe thought of the night his mother was sick and his father was away and he heard his dead grandmother's clogs walking in the yard and he had wanted to piss but he was afraid to goto the toilet because it was near the well so he had wet his bed instead. Nothing was the only number he could ever trust Catatan Masa Keeil Tatak pernah sempat bertenya kenapa dus kali dua hasilnya sama dengan dua tambab dua sedangkan satu kali satu lebih kecil dari satu tambah satu dan tiga kali tiga lebih besar dari tiga tambah tiga. Sejak semula ia sayang pada angka nol. Dan setiap kai ia mengerjakan dua tambah tiga kali empat kurang dua ia selalu teringat waktu terjaga malam-malam Ketika ibunya sakit 169keras dan ayahnya tidak ada di rumah dan di halaman terdengar langkah-langksh bakiak ‘almarhum neneknya dan ia ingin kencing tetapi takut ke kamar kecil yang dekat sumur itu dan lal kencing di kasur. ‘Sunggub, sejak semula ia hanya mempercayai angka nol. Conversation what shall we talk about (the whispers of the clock shake the room, words have slzeady been emptied. The trees outside grow more green after last night's rain; the roses under the window more red; the fog only makes us forget) after the rain, as we try to remember names, the sound of the clock slowly turns white. : Percakapan: lalu ke mana lagi percakapan kita (desah jam menggigilkan ruangan, kata-kata yang sudah dikosongkan. Semakin hijau pohonan di luar sehabis hujan semalaman; semakin merah bunga-bunga ros di bawah jendela; dan kebut, dan kabut yang selalu membuat kita lupa) sehabis hujan, sewaktu masing-masing mencoba -mengingat gat nama, jam semakin putih su nya A Poem in Three Parte 1 The night is cold. «Shall I return to you? Colours suddenly fade into White. Leaving only breath 170n AAs I wait, you told me, the sound of bamboo rus ccuts me into tiny pieces; if you are untrue to me, | might just kill myself uM intoxicated by the cold stars, I repeat your name intoxicated by the sharp wind, I repeat your name intoxicated by the smell of wild grass, 1 repeat your name have wanted to kill you for a long time, this might be the way Sajak Dalam Tiga Bagian 1 Dingin malamkah ini yang kukembalikan kepadamu sepenubnya? Warna-warni mendadak gaib dalam Putib. Tinggal sengal 1 Di balik suara rumpun bambu itu aku tersayat menunggu, begitu katamu; ah, kau menggodaku untuk bunub diri ka Jaw kali ini pun palsu m bintang-bintang yang dingin itu telah membuatku mabuk, menyebut-nyebut namamu langin yang tajam itu telah membuatku mabuk, menyebut-nyebut namamu bau rumput liar itu telah membuatku mabuk, ‘menyebut-nyebut namamu ternyata sudah sejak lama aku berniat membunuhmu, kekal pedamu amBitterness bitterness mile after mile along the rosd the road to You as if You were really waiting the sky carefully listening words never spoken a never-ending road rile after weary mile Dendam dendam berbatw-batu menikung rmenikung lagi ke arah-Mu seperti pasti Engkau menunggu langit yang mendengarkan dengan cermat ‘kata yang diucapkan tak sempat seperti tak habisnya menikung semakin berbatu-batu ing Something passed ...? You rushing endlessly, never distinguishing coming from going, arriving from departing, today from tomorrow, here from there Yang Lewat Yang baru saja lewat itu? Engkau ‘Yang tak putusnya bergegas tanpa bisa membedakan berangkat atau kembali, sampai atau pergi, Kemarin ateu nanti, ke sana atau ke mari 172Within Myself a long river flows within me, called blood; a large lake stretches within me, called soul; rivers of soul ripple within me, called life! and because life is beautiful, I weep Dalam Diriku dalam diriku mengalir sungsi panjang, darab namanya: dalam diriku menggenang telega darah, sukma namanys dalam diriku meriak gelombang sukma, hidup namanya! dan karena hidup itu indah, aku menangis sepuas-puasnya Splashes of Light splashes of light. Green returns again, leaves become butterflies, singing children pass by the window — then the light agein, my heart this morning Because the sky is blue It makes me ory (The Beatles) Because the sky is blue Ie makes me cry (The Beatles) 473Pereik-pereik Cahaya percik-percik cahaya. Lalu kembali hijau namamu, -anak bernyanyi daunan yang menjelma kupu-kupu, ketika an melintas di depan jendele itu — lalu Kembali cahaya sebutanmu, hatiku pagi ini A Lyric to accompany Jazz Improvisations “my distant loves I don’t know how many times Thave walked around this park Jain on the gr of paper, dew, and broken bottles; cloaked myself in starlight and the long-breathed wind; I've never slept, waiting for you. ‘An old man, who often passes by, spits and asks the time, tells me you never bre among scraps your promises; but the village dog, with sleepy eyes, never comes when I call.” He walks in a huge circle, unable to find a bench. Lirik Untuk Improvisasi Jazz “sayangku yang jaub: centah berapa kali telah kukelilingi taman kot telah bergolek di atas rumput, sobekan- sobekan kertas, embun, pecahan botol; telah bermantel sinar bintang-bintang dan angin yang panjang nafasnya; aku tak pernah tidur, menunggumu. ‘Si tua yang suka lewat, meludah, dan menanyakan waktu itu selalu mengatakan 174kau tak pernah mengingkari janjimus tapi anjing kampung yang matanya selalu ‘mengantuk itu tak pernah menyahut siulanku!” Ta merasa seperti menyusuri lingkaran tak menemukan bangku panjang, For Example if, for example, the vanished light rose con the surface of the letter, it would say goodbye. But Raden Panji will tll sing (whether for the roots in the ground or the lightning in the sky) in the name of Anggraini's dead body Misalnya Saja misalnya saja cahaya yang hilang timbul di permukaan surat adalah selamat tinggal. Tetapi Raden Panji kan terus jus bernyanyi (entah bagi kar di bumi etau kilat di langit) atas nama bangkai si Anggraini ‘Two Lights on a Trishaw two lights on a trishaw, singing softly in the harbour, lanes unfolding in the dark while the driver sleeps until the fog lifts they continue to sing, afraid that inthe silence the beautiful flowers which yesterday fell from a coffin will suddenly blossom, enter the pores of his body and flow in his blood, making him feel like an ascetic in a eave, tempted by a thousand nymphs inviting him to the heavenly Suralaya, then — hey! goodbye world Sepasang Lampu Beca ada sepasang lampu beca bernyanyi lirih di muara gang menjelang tengah malam semen- tara si abang sudah tertidur sebelum gerimis reda 175“ mereka harus tetap bernyanyi sebab kalau sunyi tiba-tiba sempurna bunga yang tadi siang tanggal dari keranda lewat itu akan mendadak semerbak dan menyusup ke dalam pori-pori si ‘bang beca lalu mengalir di sela-sela darahnya sehingga ia meras {gua digoda oleh seribu bidadari yang menjemputnya ke suralaya dan hai selamat tinggal dunia sedang bertapa dalam sebuah ‘The Problem Eve, what did the snake really say? ‘Adam, what poetry did you hear in your wife's weeping? Snake, did you mean what you said, Perhaps we owe our present condition to your lies. Apakah. . Hawa, apakah sesunggubnya yang dibisikkan ular itu? ‘Adam, apakah kaudengar yang lancung dalam isak isterimu? Ular, apakah sebenarnya kau hanya melucu? Soalnya, mungkin kami'kini begini henya karena kalian tipu, Seed “My love for you," said Rama, “is as broad as the sea which has divided us for years, as high. the sky which has sheltered us, as plentiful as the monkeys in Kiskanda Cave. But. Pregnant, Siti listened in silence. “, have slept in his bed, he knows all your secret Pregnant, Siti listened in silence: bewitched. “But the Giant is your father, the seed that created you, the seed which may have impregnated you, perhaps . .." Pregnant, Siti listened in silence, as she tried to understand the will of the gods. you have lived in that cruel king's palace, you Beni “Cintaku padamu, adinda,” kata Rama, “adalah laut yang pernah bertahun memisahkan kita, adalah langit yang senantiasa memayungi kit adalah kawanan kera yang di gua Kis- kenda, Tetapi. ..” Sita yang hamil itu tetap diam sejak semula, “. . kau telah tinggal itu bertabun lamanya, kau telah tidur di ranjangnya, kau dalam sangkar raja angka bukam lagi rahasia baginy: 176Sita yang hamil itu tetap diam: pesona. “"Tetapi, si Raksasa itu ayahandamu sendiri, benih yang ‘menjadikan-mu, apakah ia juga yang membenihimu, apakah. ..” Sita yang hamilitu tetap diam, mencoba menafsirkan kehendak para dew Handkerchief Someone has deliberately dropped a handkerchief in the middle ofthis mudaly lane. Unfortu- nately itis midnight and the town lies under a spell and has turned into a forest, so the handkerchief struggles trying to tell Rama ofthe plan Setangan Kenangan Siapakah gerangan yang sengaja menjatuhkan setangan di lorong yang berlumpur itu. Soalnya, tenga malam ketika seluruh kota kena sihir menjelma hutan kembali, ia seperti ‘menggelepar-gelepar ingin menyampsikan pesan kepada Rama tentang rencana, .. ‘The Meseage Please tell my brother, Raden Sumantri, that his arrow has accidently ht me in the heart, We love each other, and no line divides deliberate from not deliberate Ifyou see him, please ell him that I bear him no malice, and that when the war begins, Iwi. Pe Tolong sampsikan kepada abangku, Raden Sumantri, behwa memang kebetulan jantungku tertembus anak panahnya. Kami saling menyinta, dan antara disengaja dan tak disengaja sama sekali tidak ada pembatasnys Kalau kau bertemu dengannya, tolong sampaikan bahwa aku tidak menaruh dendam padanya, dan nanti apabila perang itu tiba, aku hanya akan . Dove You shot a dove. The dove showed no surprise. Some feathers fell, perched on the fingers of the wind, a few briefly collided, then lay on the leaves of grass. "Got it!” you said. One feather tried to reach the river so that it could be carried to the sea but the wind only 7dropped it near the bank. “Where has the bird gone?" you grumbled. ‘A few drops of blood flew through the air: some landed on sticks of sunlight, merged into the brilliant red rays, then fell onto some small flowers in the grass. “What a beautiful call,” said a smal girl passing by, suddenly feeling she had been carried toa lovely garden, Tekukur Kautembak tekukur itu. Ia tak sempat terkejut, beberapa lembar bulunya lepas; mula-mula terpencar di sela-sela jari angin, satu-dua lembar sambar-menyambar sebentar, lalu bersandar pada daun-daun rumput. Kena!” serumu. Selembar bulunya ingin sekali mene angin hanya meletakkannya di tebing sungai. “Tapi ke mana terbang burung luka itu?" gerutumu. Tetes-tetes darahnya melayang: ada yang sempat melewati berkas-berkas sinar matahari, membiaskan warna merah cemerlang, lau jatuh di kuatum-kuntum bunga rumput “"Merdu benar suara tekukur itu,” kata seorang gadis kecil yang kebetulan lewat dis ‘merasa tibactiba berada dalam sebuah taman bunga. ai kali itu agar bisa terbawa sampaijaub ke hilir, namun I Hold the Flowers Thold the flowers tightly as the children swoop, my husband. Who knows, when they have gone, there may still be a few for you Kugenggam Erat kugenggam erat-erat seiangkai bunga ketika anak-anak menyerbu, suamiku. Siapa tahu setelah mereka reda ia masih tetap di tanganku, untukmu 178Drama, 1 the red spotlight still burns; the caretaker is asleep, he forgot to turn it off six hundred empty chairs watch the silence, more powerful than the ery of a tiny bat some microphones hang over the stage, listening to the unspoken words which rise from among the shouting prisoners; "Was I convincing as a dumb guard, my Lord?” the words seem to grow louder Sandiwara, 1 masih ada sebuah lampu panggung menyala; jage malam itu tertidur, lupa mematikannya ‘enam ratus kursi kosong menonton sepi yang lebih perkasa dari cict kelelawar beberapa mikrofon yang tergantung di panggung seperti mendengar kalimat yang tak boleh diucapkan di tengah-tengah para tahanan yang berteriak-teriak itu, “Apakah sudah ‘meyakinkan permainan-ku sebegai sipir bisu ini, Paduka seperti semakin keras juga Drama, 2 First we see an old man, sitting in arocking chair. A table, chairs, cold coffee, an electric light, ‘and some letters scattered across the floor. He rocks backwards and forwards. He rocks, cursing several people whose names mean nothing to us, swearing at the table, the chairs and the letters — and we laugh. ‘Suddenly he stands and leaves. Off stage we hear him shouting various names. No one answers him, The chair continues rocking. Why are we laughing? Even as his voice rises and the lights fade, the chair continues to rock. We, the audience, must {go home, even though we have not yet finished laughing. Sandiwara, 2 Mula-mula adalah seorang lelaki tua di panggung, di atas kursi goyang. Meja, kursi, kopi yang sudah dingin, lampu gantung, dan surat-surat bertebaran di lantai. Bergoyang-goyang. 1a bergoyang sambil mengutuk beberapa nama yang tak kita kenal, mengejek meja kursi dan surat-surat itu — dan kita ketawa, ‘Mendadak ia berdiri dan masuk — dari dalam ia memanggil-manggil nama, tanpa sahutan, Kursi masih bergoyang-goyang. Tetapi kenapa kita ketawa? Bahkan ketika suaranya terdengar semakin serak dan lampu semakin redup — kursi itu tetap bergoyang. Kita, penonton, harus pulang, sebelum sempat lagi ketawa, 179i) Drama, 3 «red spotlight on the bed, apale green spot onthe pistol on the wall, and ablue spot on themain actor's face good, a white spot on the woman endlessly circling the stage dressed all in white and the black spotlight on you — he is still searching for you, in the audience, among those dazed by the play my job is simple: when I hear you scream — I am in charge ofthe lights — I have to turn on ‘every light in the theatre, because now I have found you at last — that's what the director told me Sandiwara, 3 sorot merah untuk tempat tidur, sorot hijau remang untuk pestol yang tergantung di dinding, dan sorot biru harus tepat di wajah lel baiklah, akan serba putih dan sorot hitam memang untukmu — ia tengah mencarimu di tengah penonton yang sedang terbius sandiwara ini ktor‘utama rot putih untuk perempuan itu yang tak letih-letihnya mengitari panggung mengen- sedangkan tugasku sederhana: ki -—harus segera menyslakan lampu seluruh gedung sebab sudah kutemukan kau — ini sesuai dengan petunjuk sutradara 1a terdengar jeritmu tiba-tiba, aku — petugas tata lampu_ Hello Sun! hello, sun! You who give colour to the ses and the forgotten fields as the ship's sail talks in its sleep of flowers spreading in the tall grass Salamku Matahari salamku matahari! Yang membagi-bagikan warna di laut, di padang-padang yang dilupakan ketika layer perahu mengigau tentang bunga ilalang panjang 180Mirror, 1 the mirror never screams; it never shouts, sobs or cries, ‘no matter what happens, inverted within itself; perhaps it only asks: why you seem so silent? Cermin, 1 cermin tak pernah berteriak; ia pun tak pernah ‘meraung, tersedan, atau terisak, ‘meski apa pun jadi terbalik di dalamnya; barangkali ia hanya bisa bertanya: ‘mengapa kau seperti kehabisan suara? Mirror, 2 suddenly you melt into the room, as you search inside the mirror; but the mirror still reflects you, wherever you are, if you are ‘ist you will cling to the glass, if you form drops you will spray everywhere ‘and the mirror will hold you, you cannot escape Cermin, 2 a ‘mendadak kau mengabut dalam kamar, mencari-cari dalam cermin; ‘api cermin buram kalau kau entah di mana, kalau ‘kau mengembun dan menempel di kaca, kalau Kau mendadak menetes dan terpercik ke mana- ‘mana; dan cermin menangkapmu sia-sia On a Rock he sts on a rock and throws gravel into the ereek he swings his feet back and forth, making ripples, 181 ihe looks all around: at the sun as it appears and disappears in the gaps of the quivering leaves, the path climbing water's edge, the two dragontlies — hhe wants to he sure he is really here Di Atas Batu ia duduk di atas batu dan melempar-lemparkan kerikil ‘ke tengah kali ia gerak-gerakkan kaki-kakinys di air sehingga memer cik ke sana ke mari in pandang sekeliling: matahari yang hilang.-timbul 1n setapak yang mendaki tebing kali, beberapa ekor capung — ia ingin yakin bahwa benar-benas berada di sini di sela goyang daun-daunan, Explosion the firework explodes. Silence (say something, you whisper) slowly opens in the folds between your breath. I think of « dragonfly caught on a spider's web, silhouetted against the sun ‘Maka Berpecahan maka berpecahan bunga api. Diam pun (katakan sesuatu, bisikmu) meretas i antara berkas-berkas nafasmu. Kubayangkan si cspung 4i jaring labo-laba, pada silangan-silangan cabaya Time is Meaningless ‘Time is meaningless. We are eternal: picking moment after moment, threading them like flowers until one day wwe forget why. “But, time is meaningless, isn't it?” you ask, We are eternal, 182Yang Fana Adalah Waktu Yang fana adalah waktu. Kita abadi: rmemungut detik demi detik, merangkainya seperti bunga sampai pada suatu hari kita lupa untuk apa, “Topi, yang fana adalah waktu, bukan?” tanyamu. Kita abadi You Mister mystery; aren't you? Just a moment, T'm out to lunch. Tuan ‘Tuan Tuhan, bukan? Tunggu sebentar saya sedang kelu I Guessed | guessed you were coming. I've seen this before, like two fish circling the bait, little by litte, rubbing themselves against the rocks, moving, around and around in tiny circles, moving, crazily flinging themselves against the rocks. I guess the fisherman is still asleep on the river-bank, By himself. Sudah Kutebak Sudah kutebek kedatanganmu. Seperti biasanya, kau berkiss tentang sepasang ikan yang menyambar- ‘nyambar umpan sedikit demi sedik 183 aay rmenggosok-gosokkan tubuh di karang-karang, ‘menyambar, berputar-putar membuat lingkaran, ‘menyambar, mabuk membentur batu- batuan, Kutebak si pengail masih terkantuk-kantuk di tepi sungai itu, Sendirian ‘The Wind “If I wasn't .. .” But you are the wind! You must keep moving from one corner of the room to the other, through the shutters, and over the mountain top. “If...” But you are the wind! Almost breathless from trying to tell me of the quarrel between the sunlight and the colours of the flowers. “If...” But you are the wind! Don't shout: I am deafened by your perfume. Angin “"Seandainya aku bukan . ..” Tapi kau angin! Tapi kau harus tak letih-letihnya beringsut dari sudut ke sudut kamar, menyusup celah-celah jendela, berkelibat di pundak bukit itu, “Seandainya aku . . .” Tapi kan angin! Nafasmu tersengal setelah sia-sia menyampaikan padaku tentang perselisihan antara cahaya matahari dan warna-warna bunga. “Seandainya . ..” Tapi kau angin! Jangan menjerit: semerbakmu memekakkanku. Party it was the usual boring party. A few tears, a few lies: the smell of the flowers trembling on the clock, trying to take you to places ‘you only see in your dreams at the well, the Murderer washes his hands, and his face, and his feet 184,Pesta pesta berlangsung sederhana, Sedikit tangis, basa-basi itu; tinggal bau bunga gemetar pada tik-tok jam, inigin mengantarmu sampai ke tanah-tanah s riimpi-mimpinya 1a yang sesekali muncul dalam 4i sumur itu, si Pembunuh membasuh tangan, muka, dan kakinya Tam the Lake Iam the lake: sail the boat: sail through the tiny ripples which stir the lotus flowers; sail watching the gleam of their fragrance; then, when you reach the other side, go on — I will keep watch over it. Akulah si Telaga akulah si telaga: berlayarlah di atesnya; berlayarlah menyibakkan riak-riak kecil yang menggerakkan, >bunga-bunga padm: berlayarlah sambil memandang harumnya cahays inggalkan begitu saja — sku yang menjaganya sesampai di seberang sana, perahumu bi TSent You I sent you a posteard, dear wife, ‘par avion: with a picture of a park, grass, flowers, benches, and a few old men, some doves, and the endless sky. Of course, I'm not in the picture. Although I am. 185Kukirimkan Padamu kukirimian padamu kertu pos bergambar, isteriku, ‘par avion: sebuah taman kota, rumputan ddan bunga-bunga, bangku dan beberapa orang tua, burung:burung merpati dan langit yang entah batasnya ‘Aku, tentu saja, tak ada di antara mereka, Namun adi Spreading Wings spreading insect wings scattered across the grass, and the flowers wwe leave the neglected park quickly our feet dreaming of the earth Bertebaran Sayap bertebaran sayap-sayap serangga terserak atas rumput, atas bunga-bunga kita bergegas meninggalken taman yang ditelantarkan sementara kaki kita bermimpi tentang bumi Black Said Black said to white, “TET run, I will spoil you.” Black sank into white and white, Lord God, changed black — forever! m Berkata Hitam berkata kepada putih, “Aku Tuntur, kau tahu, dan kau kena hitamku,"” 186Hitam tenggelam ke dalam putih dan putih, ya Allah, menjelma hitam — membatu! Endl Silence endless silence: finger tips cendless silence: eyes and ears endless silence: tongue and nostrils silence like the forest: trees falling animals rotting beside a dry river, hunters searching for the imprint of the senses Sunyi Yang Lebat sunyi yang lebat: ujung-ujung jari sunyi yang lebat: bola mata dan gendang telinga sunyi yang lebat: lidah dan lubang hidung sunyi yang dikenal sebagai hutan: pohon-pohon roboh, ‘margasatwa membusuk di tepi sungai kering, para pemburu mencari jejak pancaindra . ‘The Ascetic Do not disturb me: I am a warrior, meditating in a cave, or an egg, or a word —all are the same. One day, when I am wrapped in vines, I will become a seed, 1 will know what it means — do you still dare greet me, Brother? Pertapa Jangan mengganggu: aku, satria itu, sedang bertapa da- Jam sebuah gua, atau sebutir telur, atau sepatal kata ~ ab, apa pula bedanys, Pada saatnys nanti, kalau aku sudah dililit akar, sudah merupakan be- ‘ih, sudah mencepai makna — masih beranikah kau menyapaku, Seudara? 187