T H E A RT O F

C O N V E R S AT I O N
TW E L V E G OLD E N R UL E S

BY

JOSE PH I NE TURC! BA ! E R
A U T H OR OF

CORR E CT E N G LI S H S I M PLI F I E D G RA M M A R
T H E CORRE CT S T AN D A RDI Z E D PR ON UN CI A TI ON
D I CTI ON A RY
AN D E D I T OR or TH E M AGAZ I N E

CORRE CT E NG LI S H H OW T O U SE I T

PUBLISHED BY

CORRECT E NG LI SH PUBLI SHI NG COMPANY

 THE ART OF CONVERSATI ON

TWELVE GOLDE N RULES

G OLD E N R UL E N U M B E R I
A v oi d unn e ce s s ary d e t ai ls .

He .
—
you know that What you say alway s
Do
interests me ?
She That is because we are su ch goo d com
.
— ~

rades .

He .N ot altogether I think th at i t is b e
—
.

caus ! you n e v e r dwell up on details .

She Th e n one i s interesting in convers a

.
—
,

tion according as one omits details ?

He .Unnecessary details
—
.

She I remember that Wh e n visiting some

.
—
,

friends Whom I had not seen for several years ,

my ho stess said to me E v e r sin ce yo u r ar

“
,

rival I have been tryi ng to dis cove r Wh y you

,

5
6 A RT OF C ONVER S A TION
are so interesting in conversation and I have ,

decided that it is because you omit u nnecessa ry

det ails I felt th at my hostess had paid me a
.

high compliment .

He Yes ; but one that you deserve N ow

.
—
.
,

even in telling this incident you we r e direct , .

“
The bo re wo u ld have side tracked and -
,

wo uld have told innume rable and irrelevant

’
details I don t believe you co uld bo re a
.

pe rson if you we re to try .

She I am qu it e s u re that I co uld L isten to

.
—
.

“
this : Seve ral years ago fo u r years ago j ust ,
—
,

this last Ju ne ; no it was only three years

—
,

ago because I remembe r now that fo u r year s

,

ago I did not attend the alumnae reu nion of

o u r colle ge and so it must have been three
,

years ago I was the gu es t of one of the mem

,
—

bers of my class I was attending the annu al,

—

r e u nion of the al umnae of ou r college almost ,

—

eve ry year I attend the alum nae reun ion of

‘

o u r colle g e and on this occasion I was the

,
—
,

gu es t of one of the membe r s of my cl ass She .

had not b een at tending the r eun ions and so I ,

h ad not seen her for several years fiv e years ,

-

at least and ,

He Pardon my interruption but you axe a

—
.
,

s uccess .
 T W EL VE G OLD E N RULE S 7

She .
—
b o re ?
As a
He
. N o ; as an imitator I think that y ou
—
.

sho u ld h ave b een an actres s .

She Yes ; I think that N ature intended me

.
—

“ ”
for one ; and I c ou ld have acted I ndeed I .
,
"

u s u ally fin d it di ffi cu l t not to act ; that is I fin d ,

it difficul t to be myself .

He. Like Sensational Tommy in Tom

“ -
“

”
my and G rizel ?
She Yes ; in a way
.
—
.

He.
—
An d why were y ou not an actress ? Was
i t becau se y ou did not know that y ou had talent ?
She From an opposite reason I had so
.
-
.

“
many talents that like the woman in Mothe r ,
”
G oose , I hardly knew what to do .

He.
—
That so unds modest Y ou prob ab ly .

wo ul d have been a great actress .

Sh e . I mi ght not have b e e n

—
Sometimes .
,

y o u kno w persons who are ve ry gifted seem to

,

miss the best that l i f e has to o f fer .

He. I have de cided that y ou are i nteresti ng

—
,
“ ”
not b e c au s e y ou do not sidetra ck but b e ,

cau se y ou have such a s t up e n do u s amo u nt of

conceit Y ou seem to be fully aware of what
.

y ou possess It i s delightful
. .

She My t al e nt or my concei t ?
.
—

He. Both
—
.
8 AR T OF C ONV ER S A TION

Sh e . sure that if any one else possessed

—
I am
m y talents I sho uld not hesitate to speak of
,

them Why sho uld I not speak of m l n e ?

.

He . That is one way to look at i t

—
N ow I .
,

suppose if I were to tell y ou that y o u were very

gifted y ou wo u ld say Thank you ; I think that
, ,
”
I am too ,
o r words to that e f fect
,
—
.

She Yes ; I think that I sho u ld respond in

.
—

some such way Why sho u ld I not ? Why .

’
shouldn t I reco gnize my gifts and be thankful
for them ?
He . Well u su ally you know when any one
—
, , ,

receives a compliment h e is apt to regard it as , l

flatt e ry ; and to treat i t accordingly ; o r if h e .

thi nks the praise is merited his words are apt ,

to belie hi s thoughts .

She -Yes but that bro oks of insincerity

.
,
.

However we are a long way from our subj ect

,
.

“
We were wondering why some persons bo re
an d why some do not We decid e d that one .

m ust u nde r no circumstanc es enter into too

many details .

He . They are rui no u s I f a person is very

—
.

p olite h e will fei gn an interest that he does not

,

fe el O ften however he betrays by an absent

.
, , ,
“ ”
e xp ression that the , details have done their
“ ”
de adly work Y ou always seem i nterested I
.
,
 T WE LVE G OLDE N R ULE S .
9

n oti ce ev en when the narr ator has wandered

,

from the main road into innume rable by paths -

.

Sh e I appear interested because I am inter

.
—
,

e s t e d for I am continually on the alert to fin d

,

out j ust how he i s going to get back to the main

road I fin d however that in the maj ority o f
.
, ,
’

cases he never gets back H e i s lo st in such a

,
.

labyrinth that as compared with it the G arden

, ,

of Versailles and the ma ! e of Hampton

“

Court are as naught ; and j ust as these wo rld

famed networks have a kind of attraction f or
the curious so I fin d i t interesting to follow the
,

bore as he goes from one intricate passage into

another in his endeavor to fin d an exit But I .

must leave him to hi s fate or I too shall be lost , , ,

“ ”
in a ma ! e and shall not be able to find the
'

main path .

He . Then Golden Rule Numbe r I i s : AV OI D

-
,

UN N E CE SSARY D ETAI L S I shall try to remember

.

th e rul e and p rofit by its signifi can ce

. .
 GO LD E N R UL E N U M B E R II

Do n ot as k q u e s ti on n u m be r t wo u n t i l n u m be r

o n e h as b e e n an s we r e d .

He . Since our last Vi si t I h ave b een noticing

— ~
,

the faults of my fri ends i n conversation and I ,

have conclu ded that the most glaring fault one

can have i s to ask questions and then not wait
for the answers I have one friend in particular
.

who wh e ne v e r h e meets me asks in the most

‘

, ,

soli ci tous way about my family my health etc , ,

.
,

and then before I have an opportunity to re

sp on d he proceeds to tell me about hi mself his
, ,

family his ills and the like

, ,
.

Sh e I know the species very w ell

.
—
In fact .
,

I have bl assifie d my friends according to their

respective merits as listeners .

He . An d where h ave y ou pla c e d m e ?

—

She At the hea d of the li st

.
-
.

He . A s the gr e atest o f fender ?

—

She N o ; as the least Y ou always wait until

.
-
.

I answer one questi on be f ore y ou ask another .

10
 TWE LV E GO LD E N R ULE S .
11

He . Thank y ou D o I ask many questions ?

—
.

She Not too many Y ou may have noticed

.
—
.

that there are as many persons who ask too few

q uestions as there are who ask too many .

He . I must say that I had never thought of

—

that.

She To ask many q uestions o ften indicates

.
—

an u ndu e amount of curiosity on the part o f the

q uestioner ; to ask too few a lack o f interest ,
.

The reason why some persons are so very

pro saic and uninteresting is that they are e n
t i re l y absorbed in themselves ; i n conse q uence ,

they ask f e w or no q uestions whatever sho wing ,

that they are not in the least concerned in what

interests their friends There is a h appy mean
.

where one shows neither curiosity nor dis

interest .

He . I n asking q uestions we are apt to stir

—
,
’
up a hornet s nest so to speak for our friends
, ,

sometimes respond at such length that we are

inclined to wi sh that we ha d shown less interest .

She That i s where it is so necessary to re

.
-

membe r the g olden rule that we spoke of in our

last co nversation namely AVOID U N N EC E SSARY
, ,

DETAI LS .

He . Yes ; and as I have already told y ou

—
,
12 ART OF C ONV E RS A TION .

that is why you are always interesti ng ; y ou

never bore one wi th a long story
“ ”
.

Sh e I u su ally try to treat all my fr i ends as

.
—

ca reful ly as if each one bore a tag marked ,

TH I S I S M Y B U SY DAY ; M A! E I T S H ORT .

He . Yes ; or I F Y OU H AVE AN Y TI M E T O ! ILL,

“ —
,

! ILL Y OUR OWN

”
A t what a rapid pac e we live
.
,

anyway Peo pl e i n the country the p easant

.
-

class are never in a hurry They talk slowly

—
.
,

eat slowly and work at the same laggard pace

, .

She I n other words they exist but do not

.
—
, ,

live They do not enj oy what we enj oy A d aily

. .

fe ast is spread before them but they do not par ,

take o f it Wh at do they know of glowing sun

.

sets and o f moonlit waves ; of shaded walks

through pathless woods ; of narrow streams in
"
w alled with t re e s I The s unset tells the peasant
;

only of what the weather will bring to his crops ;

the stretch of velvet through which the stream
let winds of green pastures for his fl ock s But
,
.

I have gotten away from my subj ect In other .

“ ”
words like the bore I have side tracked
, ,
-
.

He Only what y ou say does not bore

.
—
.

She Y ou mean not y ou

.
-
,
.

He . N or any one else

—
.

She Thank yo u
.
-
.

He . I sho u ld thank y ou instead N ow I am

—

,
.
 T WE LVE G O LDE N RUL E S 13

to rem embe r firs t that Golden Rule Numbe r I

, ,

is : AVOI D U N N E CE SSARY D E TAI L S Rule Nu mbe r

.

II : D o NO T AS ! ! UE STI O N N U M B ER r wo U NTIL
! UE S TI O N N U M B ER ON E H A S B E E N AN SWE RE D ; and
,

furthermore one must be neither too curious

,

nor to o disinterested ; that is o ne must not ask

,

t o o few nor too many questions ; j ust eno u gh .

I fear that I shall fin d it d ifficu l t to observe this

rule but I shall try to acquire the tact that is
,

necessary for one to have M ay I practice the

.

art when with y o u ?

She Th at will be charming and y ou may
.
—

begin at once .
 GO LD E N R UL E N U M B E R III
Do n ot i n t e rru pt an o t h e r whi l e h e i s s p e aking .

He .
—
we agree that the greatest faul t that
So
a person can have is to ask questions and then , ,

without waiting for the answers to plun ge at ,

once into a detailed account of his own doings .

I have dis covered another faul t and one I fear , , ,

that I too possess ; that is to ask questions con

, , ,

cerning the welf are of my friend and of hi s fam

ily and then after he has gotten fairly u nde r
,

way in the recital of his woes to interrupt him ,

with irrelevant remarks .

’
She I am sure that y ou haven t thi s faul t
—
.
,

although it is very common I t is based u pon .

the principle that people as a rule are vitally , ,

concerned only in what concerns themselves I .

have a friend who maintains that no one r eall y

enj oys listening to what another has to say H e .

says that the in terested listener is interested

o nl y in having the other person fini sh in order
that he may h ave the Opportuni t y to tell his
s tory .
 T WE LVE GO LD E N RUL E S 15

He —
note however that as a rule people
I
recite their woes and not their w
.
, , , ,
“ ”
eals But , .
,

of course that depends upon the individu al

,
.

Some persons always have a har d lu ck story ; ” ‘

others dwell upon the bright happenings in

their lives .

She I thi nk we each c an r ecall some friend

.
—

whose greatest pleasure is to pose as a martyr ;

another who no matter what are hi s ills has
, , ,

always something of interest to im part pertain

ing to some good fortune fancied or otherwise , ,

which has befallen him .

He . Speaking of our faul ts I thi nk that the

—

best way to correct them is to notice them in

our friends and then to try to avoid them But
,
.
,
’
of course y ou haven t any .
,

Sh e Any friends ?
.
—

He . Any faults of course

-
,
.

She I fear that y ou are not a good cri ti c

.
—
.

He . I may not b e ; but y ou certainly have

—

none of the bad habits that we have enumerated

.
—
’
She O h ! y ou co uldn t see them if I had .

He . From sheer stupidity ?

—

She Hardly ; o nl y as f ar as I am concerned

.
—
,

y ou have become accustomed to thi nk o f me as

did D i ck of M aisi e in Th e Light that Fail e d
“ ”
,
“ ”
that The ! u e en can do no wrong .
16 A RT OF CON VERS A D '
W
'

He .
—
That
reminds me I have j ust finish e d —

reading Th e Light that Failed and I am sure ,

that I shall never get away from the awful nes s

of i t the awfulness o f having the light go out
—

forever .

She ! ip1ing makes one se e it all so vivi dly,

.
—

where he says
’
I shan t
‘ ’ The voice rose in a wail Mx
.
‘
,
’
Go d ! I m blind and the darkness will never go
,

away H e made as if to leap from the bed but

.
,
’
Torpenhow s arms were a ro u nd hi m and To r ,
’
penhow s chin was on his shoulder and hi s ,

breath was squeezed out of him H e c o uld o nl y .

gasp Blind ! ’ ‘
,

He An d again the picture th at ! i pling

—
,

draws of the blind man who su ddenly find s him

self unabl e to do that which he has been ao
customed to do I have the book with me : .

A wise man ( who is blind ) will k eep his eyes

‘

on the floo r and sit still F or amusement he may .

pick coal l ump by l um p out of a light scuttle

, , ,

with the tongs an d pile i t i n a l i ttle h eap by th e

,

fender keeping count of the l umps whi ch m ust

, ,

all be put back a g ain one by one an d very care , ,

fully H e may set himself sum s if he cares to

.

work them out ; h e may talk to himself or to the ,

eat if she ch oose s to vi si t h im ; and if his trade

 TWE LVE G O LD E N R UL E S 17

h as been th at of an ar t ist he may sketch i n the

air with his f o re fin ge r : but that is too much like
drawing a pig with his eyes shut H e may go .

to h is bo okshelves and count his books ranging ,

them in order of their size ; or to his wardrobe

an d count out hi s shirts laying them in piles o f
,

two or three on the bed as they suff er from ,

frayed cuff s or lost buttons E ven this ent e r .

t ainm e n t wearies after a time ; and all the times

”
are yery very lon g , .

I suppose that this portrayal is true to life .

She Undoubtedly in a way ; but I h ad a

.
-
,

novel experience when traveling E ast thi s sum

mer While on the train I saw a gentle m an
.
, ,

who was trying to interest a little boy who did ,

not respond to his advances I heard him ask .

the child whether he was a little boy and how ,

old he was I saw then that the gentleman was

.

blind an d thinking that he might pre fer to talk

,

with me I introduced myself to hi m and fo u nd

,

him a most delightful conversationalist H e told .

me that he had become blind very s u ddenly fiv e

years ago but that his work had not been inter
,

rupt e d for a day since His position as man

.

ager of a large corpo ration necessi tated hi s f rs

quent j ourneyi ng i n railroad trains but h e h ad ,

continue d to trave l as be for e so me t ime s with ,

13 AR T OF C ON VERS ATI ON
hi s secretary an d sometimes al on e H e was
,
.

alone when I met him H e was certainly delight .

fully cheerful and entertain ing ; and withal he ,

was fully inf ormed on current topics of interest .

I t seemed almost im po ssible to realize that he

was blin d .

He Hi s case i s e xt raordinary; but of

.
—
,

cour se he was not an artist as was poor D ick

, ,
“
before the light went out .

I have j ust discovered another reason why

y o u are so very interes t ing I t is because y o u .

always have some novel experience to recount .

She Yes ; but you know we decided that

.
—

people di d not care as a rule to hear others , ,

tal k .

He Well I shall retract my decision I have

.
—
,
.

conclu ded that we u su ally lik e to h ear other s

talk if they have something interesting to tell
, .

She Yes ; we are al l children in a sense

.
—

,
.

T ell u s a story and we will listen provided the

, ,

story teller knows how to tell i t

—
.

He D o you kn ow what I have b een thin king

.
—

of while you were tell ing me this incident ?

She That we had g otten a long way from
.
—

our original sub j ect ?

He N o ; I was think ing of how much you
.
—

h ad sai d i n comparatively few words and that ,

 G O LD E N R UL E N U M B E R I V

h ot co n t radi ct ( mo t h e r, e s p e ci al l y wh e n the
su b j ect un der di s cu s s i on i s o f t ri v i al
i m p o rt an ce .

He t
—
We always seem to drift back to our
f avorite topic H ow not to bo re
,
A t least we
“
,

discuss it so frequently tha t I assume we are ,

mu tu ally interested .

She I assure you that I am very much inter

.
-

e s t e d in everything that assists me in making

myself m ore pleasing to my friends .

He .
—
I f you wo u ld not regard my compli
ments so du bio u sly I should say that that wo uld
,

be impossibl e .

She Another case of the infallibility of the

.
—

qu een ? B ut to go b ack to our subj ect I often ,

wonder whether this pleasure that we take in

receiving the approval of others is not virtuall y ,

the root of all good I t is certainly mo st f o rt u

.

nate that we do care for the g ood Opinion of our

fellow beings an d especially where we strive to
-
,

merit it .
 T W E LVE GO LD E N R UL E S 21

Somehow we never seem to outgrow o ur

,

childish love for rewards I suppose that if the .

truth were told much that we think we do

,

for the sake of culture is really done f or th e ,

sake of D ame G rundy Of course I do not mean .

,

as applied to vain self gl o rificat ion but rathe r -

,

to ou r higher aims an d purpo ses Most of u s .

,

for example think that we make great eff orts

,

along the lines of self improvement for the so ul -

satisfaction that ou r eff orts may give u s ; but I

wonde r how steadfastly one wo uld work each —

at his chosen calling if one were on a desert —

“ ”
island remote from all the haunts of men
, .

But to return to o u r subj ect you say that yo u r ,

latest discovery is that even grown persons con

t radi ct o n e another I thought that only chi l
.

dren had this fault .

He S o did I ; but my attention was called to

.
-

this a few days since when visiting my sister .

While she was telling me something of great

interest to u s both her little daughter contra
,

dicted her several times in the course of ou r con

versation Partly because I was annoyed an d
.
,

partly be cause I wished to teach the child ales

“
s o n I s aid t o my sister Have you ever noti ced
*

, ,

how frequent ly children contradict thei r elders ?

I t i s certa inly one of the greatest faults that a
22 A R T OF C ON VE R S A T I ON
“
chi ld can have Yes she answered but
.
, ,

many grown persons have the same faul t And ’ .

“
when I expressed surprise she added I f you , ,

are in clin ed to doubt the truth of thi s assertion ,

j ust try to tell somethi ng in the hearing of

others who are fami liar with the story and you ,

will soon discern that the faul t is not confin e d to

”
chil dren An d then I discovered thi s fault not
.

o nl y in others but also in myself,

.

She O h dear ! maybe I too am guilty of the

.
-
, , ,

same off ence .

He .
—
I am sure that you never contradi ct any
one in the way that I me a n I t is certainl y very .

embarrassin g to make a statement and then to ,

h ave it contradicted even though the matter is ,

of li ttle consequence .

She How many rules have we learned so

.
—

far ?
“
He .
—
Golden Rul e Numbe r I is : Avom U H .

N E CE SSARY D E T AIL S
” “
Ru le Num be r I I
. D o NOT .

AS ! ! UE S TI O N N U M B ER T W O U NTI L N U M B ER ON E
H AS BE E N A N S WE RE D D O NO T B E T OO C URI O US N OB
,

T OO DI SINTERE ST ED ; that is do not ask too many ,

ques tions nor too few ; j ust enough Rule Num .

ber I ll : D o N OT IN TE RRUP T ANOT H E R W H I LE H E

I S SP E A! IN G .

She And our new rul e Golden Rule Number

.
—

,
 TW E L V E GO LD E N R UL E S 23

IV . : DoON TRAD ICT A NO TH E R E SPE CIAL LY

NO T C ,

WH E N TH E SU BJE C T U N D ER D I S C U SSI O N I S ON E o n
T RIVIAL I M P ORTAN C E .

He S o if Mr s V an Stretcher tells u s that

.
—
,
.

M rs D e Waters has crossed the o cean a do ! en

.
‘

“
times in as many years we are not to s ay Par , ,

don u s only six as she goes abroad only once in

, ,

two years which makes j ust O h yes ! j ust

,
—

,
”
twelve times .

She Yes the person who contradicts f re

.
—

quently restates the matter me rely in another

way .
 GO LD E N R UL E N U M B E R V

D o N at do al l t h e t alk i ng ; g i v e y ou r t i re d li s t
en e r a ch an ce .

He .
—
Y ou ’
haven t asked me about my golden
di scovery .

She Oh dear ! is there still an ot h e r ru l e t o

‘

—
.
,

lea rn ? You kn ow we have already had fo u r

,
.

He .
— l ’
N o ; thi s isn t a rul e I have about com e .

to the conclusion that people are charming in

pro po rtion as they can rise above the co mmon
place Of course they must observe all o u r gol
.
‘

den rul es but thi s observance alone will not

,

make them interesting in conversation L ast .

ni ght for example I was never so greatly bo red

, ,

as when talki ng with a yo un g lady to whom I

had been recently in tr oduced She was so well .

bred that she observed all the golden rules from

A to Z and yet she was tiresome beyond e u
,
’
durance simply be cau s e s h e h adn t a s ou l S h e
, .

was a Philistine of the deepest dy e I must s ay .

245,
 TWE LVE G O LD E N RUL E S 25

that I am so conventional in a way that I

"

, ,

eschew Bohemianism but an out and out Phi ,

- -

listine give me a Bohemian every time

,
—
.

She Then I suppose that Golden R u le Num

.
—
,

be r V wo u ld be ! AC ! U I RE A S O UL A N D A SS U M E
!
‘ —
.
,

ON E I F Y OU H AV E I T N OT .
”

He . suppose it is innate
—
I which —
’
one s so ul ,
’
to me stands f o r one s love of the beautiful for —

the ideal You see whatever you speak about

.
, ,

you lift out of the commonplace L ife seems .

“ ”
quite worth the while when I am with y ou ,
.

All the inspiring things books music paint —

, ,

ing take on a new meaning when we talk about

—
t

them L ast evening my newly made acquaint

.
—

ance and I di scussed these subj ects but they did ,

not interest me Julia M arlowe whom she had .

,

j ust seen was me rely a pretty woman who

,

dresse d perfectly ; the latest book was some

thi ng that bo red but that had to be read because ,

eve rybody else was read ing it Music was an .

u nknown quantity What shall we do with Phi .

listines like this ?

She L eave them to their idols They wi ll
—
. .
'

not be alone f or there are many t o keep them

,

company Th e trouble with many persons is

.

that they do not c ultivate an admiration f or the

beautiful be autiful pi cture s a exquisite m u si c
-r —
l
26 AR T on C O NV ER S A TIO N
delightful books They live in a wo rld of m a
. p

t e ri ali sm Handsome houses exquisite paint

.
,

ings well fil l e d libraries are to them mere pos

,
-

sessions valuable because they are the em

—

bodied insigni a of wealth Th e person of hi gh .

ideals delights in the beautiful because it brings ,

him into harmony with that perfection f or which

he strives In a beautif ul pain t ing he sees the
.
,

reachi n g out of the arti st to p rodu ce not what is ,

but what sho ul d b e ; in a great literary p rodu c

tion the master intellect that can mold words as
,

wax in the hands of an arti s an ; in beaut iful ~

music the so ul of the composer who can make

,

one feel all that he has felt when unde r the

magic sway of harmony ; an d so beautiful , ,

thi ngs are loved not alone f o r themselves but

, ,

f o r what they represent ; f o r nothin g beautiful

has ever existed without its master creator the —

powe r behi nd the throne where the monarch —

beauty is at the b e ck and call of that giant

intell ect .

He Then if we are to belong to the class

-
,

wh o love the beautiful o r what it represents we ,

are to cultivate our souls that part of u s which —

brings u s e h rapp o rt with the di vine in the uni

verse . We are not to be sordid ; we must not
wish simply to possess we must cul tivate a —
 ART OF C ONVE RS A TION .

She I thi nk we should add Golden R ul e

.
—

Numbe r V to our list namely D o NOT D O ALL

.
, ,

T H E TAL ! IN G ; G IVE Y OU R TIR E D LI S T E N ER A H o p p o n

T U N I TY T O S P E A ! .

He . I am sure that I woul d rath er listen than

—

talk while you are wi th me .

She I am half inclined to believe you for

.
—
,

you are certainly perf e ct as a li stene r

—
.
 GO LD E N R ULE N U M B E R V I

Be u o t con t inu ally t h e h e ro y ou r own s t o ry ;

o f
an d, on t h e o t h e r h an d, d o n o t l e av e
y ou r s t o ry wi t h ou t a h e ro .

Ships that pass in the night and speak ,

e ach other in passing ,

Only a signa l shown and a distant voice in the

darkness
S o on the ocean of life we pass and speak one
,

another ,

Only a look and a vo i ce then darkness again ,

”
and a silence .

She And what recalled the p oem ?

.
—

He . I was thinking of the people whom we

—

“ ”
meet and wh o speak u s in the passing
,
.

People whom we may never meet again but ,

whom we never can forget .

She That intangible something which makes

.
—

u s wish to b e come mo re closely associated with

our newly made ac quaintance what is it ? It

—
,
—

is in de finabl e We meet some one at the theater

.
,

29
30 AR T OF C ONVER S A TION .

at the cl ub at the social fun ction and there

, ,

lin gers with u s for many days the remem ,

brance of the few brief moments in which we

“
f elt that we were as twin spirits movin g musi
’
cally to a lute s well o r de r ed law
’ Strange as .

it may seem we live in a wo rld of people

, ,

people to the right of u s people to the left of ,

us ,
everywhere about u s and o nl y here and ,

there a kindred spirit in whose mo ral and men

tal atm osphere we bask as in the rays of sun
shi ne T hi s something that makes u s feel that
.

only the element of t irhe is nee ded to make of

our newly fo rmed acquaintan ce a friend that
-

shall last through life what is it ? A wa rm ,

—

hand clasp a frien dl y wo rd and in one brief

, ,

moment that mysterious somethi ng that clo u ds

the so ul is thrown aside and in our sky a new
, ,

star appears as fix e d as Polaris in the heavens .

When we have an experience of this kind ‘

although we may have interchanged but few

words with our new friend we feel intuitively ,

that we co uld spend many hours together and

that we should never tire of exchanging ideas .

He —
Y e s ; but does this not presuppose a
“ ”
mi nd stored with those treasured thoughts
about which we were speaki ng in our last con :

"
y e rs at i o n ;2
 T WE LVE GO LDE N RULE S .
31

She Possibly in a sense but first of all it

.
—
, , ,

presupposes harmony of taste o f feel ing of , ,

i deas This does not mean of course that each

.
, ,

shall agree with the other in all essentials but ,

that each shall have the same b road and in t e ll i

gent way of looking at a subj ect and a con si d ,
’
e rat ion each for the other s opinions .

He . I think though that as a basis for har

—

, ,

m on i ou s intercourse there must be an elimina

,

tion of self N o one who is thoroughly s e l fi sh

.

can interest any one but himself It seems to .

me that the ideal relation between friends pre

supposes an entire elimination of self .

She Not necessarily so O ne of the most

.
—
.
.

tiresom e persons that I know is a gentleman ,

who never refer s to himself to his aspirations , ,

or to his plans and for this reason he fails e n

,
-

t ire ly to waken in his listener any interest in

his personality whatsoever H e is the antipode .

of the person who talks o nl y of what interests

hi m. Th e person who uses discretion will not
avoid all reference to himself nor will he con ,

t in u all y make himself the hero of his own story .

I t behooves u s all to examine ourselves and if ,

we have either one of these faul ts to rid ou r

selves of it at once I n directing the trend of
.

co nve rs ation the tactful perso n wi ll c h o ose top

,
32 O NV ER S AT I ON
ART OF C

ics of m u t u al interest P eople are interesting.

not in proportion as they recount their personal

experiences but as they evince a b road general
, ,

interest in what concerns others .

He . We might add another golden rule to

—

our list G olden R u le Numbe r VI : B E NOT CON

,
-

TI N UALLY TH E H E R O OF Y OU R OW N S T ORY n on ON ,

T H E O T H E R H A N D no NO T L E AV E Y OU R s r onY W IT H
,

O UT A H ER O I n other words it is fatal to one s

.
’
,

success as a conversationalist either to el iminate

oneself entirely or to appear sel f centered - .

She You might say to be self centered Sel

—
.
-
.

fi sh n e ss is one o f the mo st disagreeable trai ts

that a person can h ave and he who has this to a ,

marked degree should try to eradi cate i t Some .

“
one has said I f we had to count our ills we
, ,
” “
wo ul d not choose suspense we might add I f , ,

we had to choo se our faults we s h ou ld not choose

”
s e l fi sh n e s s A p e rson may observe all the gol
.

den rul es that we have enumerated but i f he is ,

at heart a se l fish person hi s co nversation will ,

lack the charm that emanates from the who l e

so ul e d individual whose first thought is to inter
est and entertain others L et u s cultivate an un .

s e l fi sh spirit for wi thout this our words w i ll be

, ,

but as s ounding brass and t inkling cymb als

“ ”
.
 GO LD E N R UL E N U M B E R V I I
Ch oos e j
s u b e ct o f m u t u al i n t e res t .

He —
. And here we are again at one of yo ur
“ ” '

charming at homes and I as u su al um the , , ,

only guest .

I t is delightful of you to select for my v i s it s

those evenings where there i s no possibility o f
our being interrupte d whi l e discussing our f ay
o rit e top i c .

She I f I were not at home on these o c

.
—
.

c asions we sho u l d have ve ry little opportun ity

,

t o talk abo ut the subj ects in which we are m u

‘

t u al l y interested I t is decidedly parado xical

.
,

is it not to be at home under the circumstances ?

,

He .
—
I t is to say the least deci dedly pleas
, ,

ant ; f or otherwise how sh o uld you be abl e to

, ,

t each me that delightful art the Art o f Con —

ver s ation ? I am j ust s e l fish enough to exul t in

my being th e o nly dipl om at at yo u r salons
“ ”
.

She Wh at i s that line about conversation s

.
- ’
be ing like an orchestr a whe re all the in st ru
33
34 AR T OF C O NV ER S ATION
ments sho u ld bear a part but where none sho u ld
,

play together ?
He.
—
To my thinking conversation is most
,

delightful when it is most unlike an orchestra .

For my part I prefer those charming du o s

,
'

“
where the sweet voice of the soprano rises far
’
above the organ s swell .

She Conversation is mo re often like an

.
-

orchestra where all the instruments play to

gether and where no particular one can be
,

heard I see that a conversation in which many

.

take part is not to yo u r liking .

He
. A s in music so with my friends I prefer
—
, ,

to follow the individual ; to come into ha rmony

with his thoughts and feelings The trite saying .

that corporations have no soul s can be applied

with equ al propriety to a body of individuals at
“

a social func tion where the bored look on their

,

faces shows that they have failed to fin d a sub

j e ct of general interest and are in consequence
,

suf fering in durance Vi le .

She Conversation is enj oyable only when

.
—

the participants are equ ally interested in the

subj ect under discussion ; and while it is not dif
fi cu l t for two persons to fin d topics of mu t u al in
t e re s t it is not so easy for several individuals
,
“
to hit upon some topic in which all are e qu al
”
36 AR T OF C ON VE R S ATION
to fin d what we are interested in so as not to ,

h inge the conversation on politics when it sho uld

be on potatoes or on poetry .

She The whole secret of pleasant social con

.
—

’
verse lies in the participant s fin di ng subj ects of
mutual interest Why I have heard t wo per
.
,

sons di scus s by the ho u r the feasibili ty of rais

ing ducks as a means of livelihood ; others that
of manuf act uring a washi ng machine that would
-

wash and boil clothi ng at the same time S o .

’
you see it doesn t matter whether the topi c is
,

po li ti cs or poetry ; the lat est wo rk in science or

in ficti on ; whether it is music or painting ; the
main po int is that the subj ect shall be of mutual
interest to those di scussing it .

He . Then we may add another rul e to our

—

lis t G olden R ul e Number V I I : CH o osn su n

— .

JE CTS OF M UTu AL I N TE RE S T
’
D on t di scuss poli
.

ti c s when you sho ul d be talki ng about poetry ;

fact instead o f fi cti on ; science instead of s un
, ,

s ets.

She Y e s and be sure that both are equ ally

.
—

interested or else one or the other will have that

bo r e d lo ok to which you referred a sho rt tim e
s i nce .

He . People s om etim e s app ear in te rest ed

—

when they are n ot .

 TW E LVE G OLD E N RUL E S 37

She Yes ; but the keen observe r wil l detect

.
-

whe ther the s mi le extends farther than t h e

parted lips I f people wo uld be genuine and
.
,

less art ifici al after a pleasant evening spent in

,

social converse there wo uld linger with one a

,

memo ry as pleasing and as refreshi ng as is the

sweet fragrance wafted from count ry clove r
fie l d s t o the traveler on the dusty road I n our.

social intercourse with one another let u s om i t

all unpleasant top i cs and choose onl y those in
,

whi ch both are equally inte reste d .

 G OLD E N R ULE N U M B E R V I I I

Be a g o od lis t e n e r .

He And here w
.
—
e are again in you r bower
—
yo u r bower of roses and carnations It is .

always summer here for there are always flow ,

-

ers You wear them too as another wo uld

.
, ,
'

wear her j ewels .

She went by dale and she went by do wn , ,

With a single rose in her hair ’ .

She This is as I like my fl owe rs around

.
— -

me and about me Con se ryat o rie s have no .

charm for me for one cannot live in a conserva

,

tory I like my roses where as I sit and write

.
, , ,

I can inhale their f ragan ce and see their ,

wo n drou s be auty What is more beautiful than

.

a rose ?
He .
’
Wo uldn t The Woman with the Rose
“
-

make a nice title for a poem ?

She Y ou are really lacking in o riginality
—
,

You never w o uld have thought of it in the wo rld

38
 T W E LV E L
G O DE N R UL E S 39

“ ”
if The M an with the Hoe had not sug
gested i t .

He . O h ! I agree with you that I am not

—

original and that the title was suggested ; bu t

,
“
not as you think by Th e M an with the Hoe ’
, , .

.
’
She A ren t we wasting val u able time ? You
-

know we wer e going to discuss Golden R u le

’
m

Number VIII and we h av e n t e v e n decided

,

what it shall be .

He .
—
’
B e a g ood listener ! Wasn t it Addison
who said that the most skillful fl att e ry was to
let a person talk on and be a g ood listener ? But ,

somehow this has such a ring of insincerity

,
.

Now I am sure that I sho u ld not wish to be

,

beguiled into thinking that I was entertaining

my friend when in reality I was boring him , ,
.

She Yes ; but a person who observes all our

.
—

“ ”
golden rules will not talk on You know .
,
“
there are few persons who can talk on and ,

not bore their listeners Of course if peopl e .

,

were tactful and wo u ld observe Golden R ule

N umber VI I CH oo sn T OP I C S I N W H I C H ALL ARE
.
—

I N T E RE S T E D it wo uld not be necessary for the

—

“ ”
listener to feign an interest if he has it not .

He But what are we going to do when we

—

are in the society of those who do n o t observe

this rule ?
40 AR T OF C ONVER S AT I ON
She Sometimes we can enj oy the conver
.
-
,
!

s ation of others for reasons opposite to what

"

might be expected F o r example a few days .

,

since I was one of several gues t s at a luncheon

, ,

an d I was very much amused in noting how sub

j e ct s whic h in themselves seemed very prosaic

, ,

co u ld elicit so much enthusiasm in their di scus

sion For example the guests discussed th e

.
,

m aking o f salads and much enthusiasm was ex

pended over a mixture of fruit nuts and olive , ,

oil The subj ect was certainly hi ghl y relevant

.
,

as the very kind of s al ad in question was in evi x

dence calling forth enthusiastic encomiums

,

from all .

_
He I suppose you are often amused at t h e
.
-

amoun t of interest shown in trivi al subj ects .

She N o ; I too at times like to relax and

.
—
, , , ,

to talk about subj ects that w o uld seem f rivolo u s

to many Wh ile much of my time and close at
.

tention must necessarily be given to study for ,

thi s reaso n wh en there is any diverting in,

flu e nce I pre f er o c casionally to forget every

, , ,

thing o f a ser i ous nature ; and like the bee that ,

goes from fl owe r to fl ower to sip of each its

sweetness so I e nj oy passing from one sub j ect
,

to another discussing only lightly each in turn

, ,
.

S o you see wh ether i t i s salads o rpates 5 Mrs .

 T W E LVE GO LD E N RULE S 41

Cam pb e ll or Paderewski ; sh irre d gowns or

pleated the se subj ects at times may prove inter
,

esting and diverting .

He But when a person i s de e ply interested

‘

-
.

in some special study that counts I can not see ,

how he can find much sai sf act ion in the discus

sion o f topi cs so very foreign to his specialty .

She A s I h ave j ust implied the specialist

.
—
,

fin d s it necessary to relax I have i n mind a .

'

noted physician who spends many of hi s wak

ing hours and hours when he sho uld be sleep
,

ing either in h i s laboratory or with his patients ;

,

but immediately when he enters his d rawm g

r oom to greet a friend he forgets his wo rk u t ,

t e rl y for the time being and before many min

, ,

utes have passed his listener is convulsed with

,

laughter over some new story the l atest acqui —

’
s it i on to t h e D o ct or s stock .

He . D o you kn ow I ofte n w on de r why peo

—
,
’
ple don t cultivate the art of story telling I t -
.

’
seems to me that if one wo uld entertain one s
friends now and then with a good story it wo ul d ,

enliven what w o uld otherwise be a very dul l

occasion .

.
—
r ;
She Story t elle s good story tellers are
- - - —

p robably b o rn not made ; and yet the person

, ,

who i s not especi ally gifted in this art m ay sue ,

42 ART OF C ON VE RS A TION
ce e d in entertaining his listeners provided that ,

he has wit enough to remember the point “ "

,

and to couch his language so that the d e n ou e a

ment is not surmised for surprise is an impor

,
*

tant element in the telling of a story .

He . O ccasionally I hear a good story an d

—
, ,

one that I wish t o remember but I can neve r ,

trust myself to repeat it for fear that I shall -

“
commit the fl agran t sin of missing the point ,

and that omission wo uld of course be u npar , ,

donable .

She I think you migh t become a very suc

'

—
.

ce s sf u l re co n t e u r if you wo u ld give som e atten

,

tion to the art in question Of course the im .

,

portant thing to remember is what are the e s ,

s e n t i al s to omit all unnecessary details to keep

, ,

the listener in suspense and above all n o t t o ,

o m i t t h e p oi n t We can not all be Charles

.

L ambs nor Sydney Smiths bu t we can each ,

“ ”
have o ur little store of f unn y ci sm s from
!

which to draw when the occasio n is opportune ,

or the story relevant .

He . We ll I suppose we must decide that

—
,

one must be a good listener at all h azards an d ,

that one must fin d something of interest in the

conversation of others even though the sub j ect
“ ”
may be salads when it sho uld be suf frage ,
44 ART OF C O NVER SA TIO N
And our latest acquisition Golden Rule Num
ber VIII B e a g oo d li s t e n e r
,
.

She You have done rema rkably well to re

.
-

member all these ru les .

He .
-’
H aven t I earned a reward ?
She What shall it b e l
.
-

He . Th e rose in yo u r h air
—
,
 GO LD E N R UL E N U M B E R I X
M ak e y ou r s p e e ch i n h arm ony wi t h y ou r su r

un din gs
ro .

He .
—
L et u s w alk along the shore away from—

our friends at the hotel Th e night is far too

.

beautiful to spend in di scu s sm g the merits of

biscuit and honey compared with those of straw
berri es and cake .

She A nd with such a sky and such a scene

.
—

before them ! And the day ho w perfe ct it has —

been I

blu e sky
Th e
L eaned silently above and all its high
,

An d azure circled roof beneath the wave

-
,

Was imaged back and seemed the deep to

With its transparent beauty .

He .
—
’
O h ! they re not thi nking of the sea
nor
b f the sky Al though when I saw one of
. the
la di es gazing intently at the moon I thought ,

that she like you and me h ad succumbed to the

, ,

infl u e nce o f i ts ma gic beam s ; but I v e ry soo n b e

45
46 AR T OF C ON VE RS A TI ON
came disillusioned for I heard her s u dd enl y
,

exclaim O h I wish I had some Welsh rarebit !

, ,

I am so ve ry fond of Welsh rarebit ”

.

She Her thoughts were evidently relevant

.
—
,

as the moon p robably suggeste d to her green ,

cheese and f rom that it was only a step to the

, ,

toasted a rticle I dislike to hear a person ex

.

press a fondness for food I k now that it is co r .

” “
rect to use fond in this way ; but to me fond
‘

”
ness sho ul d be used only wi th reference to
’ “
one s friends ; but to be fond of Welsh rare
”
bit ! I sho uld prefer t o use another expression -
.

He .
—
’
Of course you aren t fond of anything
but flowe rs and books and m usic O h ! and the
, , ,
-

moon .

She An d people ; they come first

.
—
.

He . E ve rybody 2?
-

She N ot eve rybody only a few

.
—
,
.

He . Including
—

She I think that we sho u ld go back to our

.
—

friends .

He . An d discuss
—
“
Welsh rarebit ? L et u s
”

”
take this boat and glide over the silvery lake .

We can fin d mo re interesting subj ects to talk

about than edi bles ; and if we cannot we can at , ,

least be sil ent and let the glo rio u s night speak
for u s .
 T W E LVE G O LD E N R UL E S
-
47

She Because of j ust such nights I come

.
-
,

here every year .

He . But the moon like the sun shines every

—
, ,

where for all .

She Yes but not everywhere alike Ther e

.
—
, .

must be trees with branches outspread to catch

its silvery beams and giant hills in the distance
,

to fo rm a heavy background Th e fu ll moon .

shining on our great L ake Michigan is a glo r

i ous sight but that which is needed to make the
,

scene perfect is not there But here nothing is .

-

wanting .

beauteous L ake ! O
How radiantly dost thou wear thy j ewels
Upon thy bosom fair made fairer still ,
-

’
B y Luna s silvery beam s .

He .
—
poet is
Th e interpreter H e ’
nature s .

expresses what we feel ; what we sho uld wish

to say were We able to express our thoughts in
,

poetic language But sometimes he does not

.

’
i nterpret t ruly Wasn t i t Browning who said
.

N ever the t ime and th e place

”
And the loved one altogether ?

She .
—
’
I don t see the relevancy of the q uota
48 A R T OF C ON VER S A T I ON
tion We must go back to the hotel O ur friends
. .

will miss u s .

He .
- ’
But you haven t heard my les son yet ,

as we used to in school I have to reci te all .

the golden r ul es and add our new one Wh at , .

sh all it be i
She Rule Numbe r I X : ON E s SPEE CH
.
—
’ .

’
S H OULD BE IN H AR M O N Y WI T H ONE s S URR O U N D

m es .

He other words a person sho uld not talk

.
-
In ,

about cheese when the moon wo ul d be a m o re fit

ting topic .

She Or when i t m i ght be m ore fitt in g to

.
— ~
,

remain silent .

“
He Some one has said
.
—
Silence is the ,
”
virtue of the feeble but it is p robab ly as often
,

the virtue of the wise .

“
She I t was Ca rlyle who said : Consider
.
—

the signi fican ce of S ILE N CE : it is boun dl ess ,

never by me di tating to be exhausted un spe ak a ,

bly p rofi t abl e to thee : Cease that chaotic hub

bub wherein thy own so ul runs to waste to con
, ,

fused suicidal di slocation and stupor ; out of

Silen ce comes thy strength Speech is silvern .
‘
,

Silence is golden ; Speech is human Silen ce i s ,

_

d ivi ne ’ .
 GO LD E N R UL E N UM B E R X
Do not exaggerate .

He . may rem ember that one o f the ex

-
Y ou
tracts that I rea d to you f rom my note book -

referred to exaggeration in conversation D o .

you know I have been payi ng attention to this

,

fault and I fin d that it is decidedly general even

,

with p eople who are supposed to be honest and

sincere I t is r e ally one phase of falsifying ; in
.

my opinion it is a very disagreeable habit and

, ,

one that aperson shoul d try to rid hi m self of .

She Parents can not be too ca reful i n th e

.
-

b ri nging up of their children to see that they

do not fo rm the habit of exaggerating what they
undertake to tell Why ! Some persons can
.

not make the simplest statement without e xag

gerating the facts For instance if one unde r
.
,

takes to give the price of a garment or of some

furni ture the amount paid is always increased
,

in the telling of the sto ry ; and so wi th the nar

ration of trivial events the spe aker will e n
—

l arge his statements until he presents a (i s

49
50 ART OF C O N VER S A T I O N
t o rt e d picture to the mental vision o f t
he
listener .

Th e exaggeration of facts sho ul d certainly be

avoided ; and a person can overcome this ten
den ey in hi mself i f when he fin d s that he is
, ,

makin g a misstatement he will correct hi mself , ,

and give a true version For example if he .

,

fin d s that he is fixin g the cost of a possession at

fiv e dolla r s when it sho u ld be fo u r dolla r s and
,

fif t y cents he can correct the e rro r without even

,

betraying his intention to falsify B y doing .

this he gr adu ally trains himself to adhere to

,

facts ; f or whi le the price of the article may b e

,

a matter of small consequence it is a matter of

.
,

far m ore importance that the person who has

the habit shall correct his tendency to misstate
facts S o again when one is narrating an inci
.
,
’
dent in one s experience the same strict ad ,

h e r e n ce to the facts sho u ld be observed I n this .

way a person establishes a reputation for ver

aci ty . We all have friends in whose statements
we place no reliance simply because we know ,

that they invariably exaggerate every fact that

comes within their observati on or experience I .

know of no fault in conversation that is mo r e

grievous than this nor that can give one such a
g e neral a i r of insincerity in all things .
52 A RT OF C ON VER S AT I ON
She Of course we kn ow that in telling a
.
-
,

story for the sake of its humo r a person will ,

sometimes lapse into an enlargement of the

details but as Ru dya rd ! ipling wo uld say
, , ,
”
That is another story .

He Had we not better make thi s Golde n

.
—

R ul e Numb e r X ? .

I wonde r whether I can recite all the Golden

Rules

Golde n Rule Numb e r 1 .

—
A v oi d un n e c e s s ary

d e t ai ls .

2 Do
.
—
n ot as k q u e s t i o n n u m be r t wo un til

nu m be r on e h as be en an s we re d, n or be t o o
cu ri ou s n o r t o o dis i n t e r e s t e d, t h at i s , d o n o t as k

t o o m any qu e s t i on s n o r t o o f e w .

3 -D o n o t in t e rru pt an ot h e r
. wh il e he is
s p e ak i ng .

4 Do n ot con t radi ct an o t h e r, es p e ci ally

'

—
.

wh e n t h e j
s u b e ct u n d e r di s cu s s i on i s o f t ri v i al
i m p ort an ce .

5 Do n ot do al l t h e t al king ; giv e you r t i r e d

—
.

l is t e n e r a ch an ce .

6 . Be
-
n o t con t i n ual ly t h e h e ro o f y ou r o wn
s t o ry ; an d, on the o t h er h an d, d o n ot l e av e y ou r
s t o ry wi t h ou t a h e ro .

7 —
Ch oos e j
s u b e ct s o f m u tual in t e res t .
 TW ELVE L
G O D E N RUL ES 53

8 .
—
Be a g oo d lis t e n e r .

9 .
—
M ah e y ou r s p e e ch in h arm ony wit h y our
s u rrou n di ng s .

10 .
—
Do n o t e xagg e rat e— our new rule .
 GO LD E N R UL E N U M B E R XI
I n du lg e o ccas i o n al l y in a l
r e e v an t q u o t at i on ,
bu t d o n ot g arbl e it .

He . have j ust been reading a v ery interest

-
I
ing article entitled L earning by Heart and
“ ” “

I have become impressed wi th the idea that one

sho uld occasionally commi t to memo ry in spir
ing passages in verse and pro se I n the lan .

“
guage of the author : They m ay come to u s in
our dull moments to refresh u s as with spring
,

fl o we r s ; in our s e l fi sh musings to win u s by ,

p u re delight from the tyranny of foolish castle

b uilding self congratulations and mean anxi e
,
—

ties They may be with u s in t h e workshop in

.
,

the c rowded streets by the fire si de ; sometimes

,

on pleasant hill sides or by sounding shores ;

-
,

noble fri ends and companions our own ! never —

”
intrusive ever at hand coming at our c all
, ,
.

She Some on e has said that an apt quota

.
—

t ion is as good as an o ri gi nal r ema rk I t is cer .

t ai nl y always relevant We cannot all be .

Wordsworths or Tennysons ; Charles L ambs or

Carlyles but we can make some of their bes t
,

54
 TWE LVE GO LD E N RUL E S 55

thoughts our own A conve rsation or a letter i n

.

which some choice quotation fin d s a place is ,

certainly thus imp roved an d lifted above the

commonplace It was Johnson who said that
.

classical quotation was the parole of literary

men all ove r the wo rld .

He . F o r a long time I have been copying in

—

a note book extracts that have interested me

-
, ,

but it did not occu r to me to commit them to

memo ry Hereafter I shall do s o for I am sure
.
, ,

that it will add to my resources both in co nver

sation and in letter writing -
.

She Some of the most delightful letters that

.
—

I have ever received have been those in which

there have been quotations so relevant so , ,

charming that for the tim e being they seemed

, ,

to have been written for me alone .

He . I have always hesitated to interpolate

-

my conversation or letters with quotations for ,

fear that I might seem to be airing my familiar

ity with classical literature .

She Of cours e one does not wish to appear

.
—
,

pedantic ; and one will not if one will use the ,

quotation for the occasion instead of maki ng an ,

occasion for the quotation The proportions .

,

too of a conv ersation or a letter must be pre

,

served I f one is talking ab ou t a c omm onplace

.
56 AR T or C ONVERS A TION
subj ect the quotati on if one is made should be
, , ,

in keeping with th e thought A s a clever writer .

“ ”
has said A dull face invites a dul l fate and
, ,

so wi th a commonplace sub j ect ; the treatment

sh o ul d be in ac cordance with i t .

He. Some persons are never abl e to q uote

—
-

a passage or tell an anecdote without pervert

ing the meaning I n fact I have lon g been in
.
,

t e re s t e d in noticin g how in exact the maj ority

of people are in makin g statements of all ki nds .

I can re call several friends who are u nr eliable

in what they say Their statements sho ul d be
.

“ ”
ch ecked up v e rif 1 e d as we say in bus iness
—
,
.

“
She A s some one has said : A g arbled q u o
.
—

t at i on may be the most e fi e ct u al perv ersion of

’
an author s meani ng ; and a partial re pre
’
s e n t at i on of an in cident in a man s lif e may b e

th e mo st malignant of all calumnies .

He.
—
How very relevant that quotation is .

You have certainl y j ust e xe m pli fi e d yo u r own

suggestion namely that the quotati on sho ul d be
, ,

used to suit the occasion .

Shall we make this Golden Rule Number XI

OCC AS I ON ALLY IN D UL G E m A RE LE VAN T ! U O TATI ON ,

B UT D O NO T G AB BLE I T ?

She Certain ly ; a Gol d en Rul e th at i t i s we ll

.
—

o ccas i onally to obse rv e .

 G O LD E N R UL E N U M B E R X I I
Cu l ti v at e t act .

He . the signifi can ce of S ILE N CE

Consider
it is boundless never by me di tating to be ex
,

h au s t e d unspeakably p ro fi t abl e to thee Cease

, .

that chaotic hubbub wherein thy own so u l runs ,

to waste to confused suicidal disl o cation and

stupor ; out of S ILE N C E comes thy streng th .

Speech is silvern silence is g olden ; speech is

,

human silence is di vine

, .

She And what suggested t h e li nes f rom

.
—

Ca rlyle ?
He .
—
O ! I was thinking of one of the extracts
in my list of quotations relevant to our sub j ect ,

“ ” “
Th e Art of Conversation I t is when you .

come close to a m an in conversation th at you

discover what hi s real abilities are ”
O ne might .

add an d wh at t h ey are n o t
, .

She A nd I suppose that the line suggested

.
—

the thought that in many instances to quote

, ,
“
Ca rlyle again Speech is silvern silence is
, ,
”
g olden ; speech is human si lence is divin e ,
.

57
58 A RT OF C ONVE R S A T I ON
He .
—
Undoubtedly
in many instances it , , .

wo uld be be t ter to preserve a discreet silence

than to say that which is di sagreeable or un
truthful Of course the tactful person can t re
.

quently so turn the conversation as to be

obli ged to adopt neither alternative .

She One sho uld always be truthful and one

.
—
‘

sho uld never say that whi ch w ould be di spl e as

ing to the listener o f course we must except
,
—
,

those semi di sagreeable thin gs whi ch we some

-

times feel privil eged to say to our relatives or

our best friends on the gro und that we are
,

champions on the side of truth .

He I have always maintained that it is o nl y

.
—

a true friend who will tell the un pleasant h o m e

truths .

She Yes ; we can all remember occasions

.
—

when our expressed resent ment at some well

meant criticism o ff ered by a member of the
family for example was met by the re j oinder
, ,

that i t was t h e t ru t h .

“ ”
He Th e
.
—
truth is not always pleasing to
the ear and I agree with you that except in
, ,

the case of the privileged few o nl y the pleasing ,

things sho ul d be told .

She That is all p rovided of course that

.
— —
, ,

they are at th e s ame ti m e truthful .

60 AR T on C ONV E RSATI ON
who are so obtuse as these to go through the
wo rld without blun de rin g at every step .

’
She I don t kn ow I t seems to me that
.
-
.

these unthin k ing people mi ght be taught to

thi nk S u rely we can all learn by observation
.
,

and experience ; and it wo ul d seem that persons

fai rly introspective mi ght di scover that it is
not direct speech alone that wo u nds o r ofi e n d s .

We all kn ow that the prettiest co mplim ents are

often those whi ch are implied and co nversely , ,

sometimes it is the Suggesti ve criticism or ce n

sure that wounds the m ost .

He Then we must remember that we sho ul d

.
—

keep o ur mi nds alert ; that we must n ot be

fo u nd napping ; that it is not suf fici e n t that we
refr ain from giving pointed home thrusts but ,

that we sho ul d never even by indirect speech

, ,

leave with our listener an un pleasant memo ry .

She Yes ; we meet some people often o nl y

.
—
,
—

for a moment onl y once perhaps in a life

,
—
, ,

time ; but it is possible in many instances to , ,

make that moment linger forever as a pleasant

memo ry to that other We can a ll remember .

some occasion when there was me r ely a hand

clasp when but few wo rds were spoken but the
, ,

memo ry is o u rs forever Somethi ng that was .

said perhaps seemin gly trivial but gl orifi ed

, , ,
 T W E LVE GO LD E N R UL E S 61

by the ’
speaker s smile by the sincerity of his
,

heart .

He A fter all to sum it up it is the wo rd

.
-
, ,

T A C T or the lack of i t that makes a person

- - -
, ,

co rrespondingly agreeable or disagreeable in

his social intercourse with another Someone .

h as de fin e d t act as the art of pleasing and so I ,

sho uld thi nk we might add this mandate to ou r

g olden rules Cul tiv at e t h e art of pl e asing
—

s ay th e rig h t t hin g o r s ay n o t hi n g .

N ow I am going to recite all our golden

,

rules for I know them by heart

,

Golden R ul e N umbe r 1 .
—
A v oi d u nn ece s s ary

d e t ai ls .

2 . Do —
n ot as k qu e s t io n n u m be r t wo un t i l

n u m be r o n e h as be e n an s we r e d ; n o r be t oo cu ri

ou s an d t o o di s in t e re s t e d; t h at i s d o n o t as k t oo
m any q u e s t i on s n o r t oo f e w .

3 D o n o t i n t e rru p t an o t h e r
.
—
wh il e h e is
s p e akin g .

4 .
-
Do n ot con t radi ct an o t h e r, e s p e ci ally

wh e n the j
s u b e ct un d e r di s cu s s i on i s o f t riv i al
i m p or t an ce .

5 .
—
Do n ot do all t h e t al ki ng ; g i v e y ou r t i re d
li s t e n e r a ch an ce .

6 .
—
Be n o t con t in ual ly t h e h e ro o f y ou r o wn
62 ART OF C ON VE R S A TION
s t o ry ; n o r, on the ot h e r h an d, do n ot l e av e y ou r
s t o ry wi t h ou t a h e ro .

7 .
—
Ch o os e s u bj e ct s of m u t u al in t e r e s t .

8 .
-
B e a g o o d li s t e n e r .

9 .
-
M ah e y ou r s pe e ch i n h arm on y wi t h y our
s u rro u n din gs .

10 .
-
Do n o t e xagg e rat e .

11 I n du l g e o ccasi on al ly in a r e l e v an t qu o
‘
—
.

t ati an , bu t do n ot g arbl e i t .

12 .
—
Cul tiv at e t act — ou r n e w ru l e .
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