1. Why should you never mention the number 288 in front of anyone?

 
Because it is too gross (2 x 144 - two gross).
2. Which weighs more?  A pound of iron or a pound of feathers?  Both
weigh the same.
3. How is the moon like a dollar?  They both have 4 quarters.
4 .What is alive and has only 1 foot?  A leg.
5. When do giraffes have 8 feet?  When there's two of them.
6. How many eggs can you put in an empty basket?  Only one, after
that the basket is not empty.
7. What coin doubles in value when half is deducted?  A half dollar.
8. What is the difference between a new penny and an old quarter?  24
cents.
9. If you can buy eight eggs for 26 cents, how many can you buy for a cent
and a quarter? 
10. Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long?  At a yard sale.
11.If there were 9 cats on a bridge and one jumped over the edge, how
many would be left?  None - they are copycats.
12. If you take three apples from five apples, how many do you have? 
You have three apples.
13. What has 4 legs and only 1 foot?  A bed.
14. How many times can you subtract 6 from 30?  Once; after that it is
no longer 30 (Don't try this in a test!)
15.If one nickel is worth five cents, how much is half of one half of a
nickel worth? 
How many 9's between 1 and 100?  20.
16. Which is more valuable - one pound of $10 gold coins or half a pound
of $20 gold coins?  One pound is twice of half pound.
17. It happens once in a minute, twice in a week, and once in a year. What
is it? The letter 'e'.
18. How can half of 12 be 7?  Cut XII into two halves horizontally.
You get VII on the top half.
19. When things go wrong, what can you always count on?  Your
fingers.
20. Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?  They need to be changed.
21. A street that is 40 yards long has a tree every 10 yards on both sides.
22. How many total trees on the entire street?  10, 5 on each side.
23. What goes up and never comes down?  Your age.
24. What did one math book say to the other math book?  Wow, have I
got problems!
25. Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long? 
26. Why did the dentist need to know math?  Because they may need
to do a square root canal.
27. What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?  A high
school math problem!
28. Why did the amoeba flunk the math test?  Because it multiplied by
dividing.
29. What makes arithmetic hard work?  All those numerals you have to
carry.
30. What are ten things you can always count on?  Your fingers.
31. Why are misers good math teachers?  They know how to make
every penny count.
32. What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic?  Multipliers.
33. What do you call three feet of trash?  A junk yard. (3 feet = 1 yard)
34. Why did the man sleep with a ruler?  To see how long he could
sleep.
35. How does a cow add? 
36. What is a forum?  Twoum + twoum.
37. Why did the boy's mother sew him 3 socks?  Because he said he
grew another foot.
38. How do you make seven even?  Remove the "S".
39. What happens when you cross a friend and a calculator?  You get a
friend you can count on.
40. What did the zero say to the eight?  Nice belt.
41. Where do mathematicians go shopping?  At the deci-mall
42. Why did the math class not have desks?  Because they had time-
tables.
43. What happened to the plant in the math class? 
44. How do you get straight A’s?  By using a ruler.
45. Why is the meter stick such a stubborn ruler?  Because he won't
give an inch.
46. What will happen to the inch worm when we go to metric?  He'll
become a centipede.
 
47. How do you make the number one disappear?  Add the letter ‘g’
and make it gone.
48. What keeps a square from moving?  Its square roots.
49. What kind of insect is good at math?  The account-ant
50. Why did the student wear glasses in math class?  Because it helps
to improve di-vision.
51. What is (108 minus twelve times nine) plus (18 minus nine times two).
plus (49 minus seven times seven) plus (144 minus twelve times twelve)
plus (121 minus eleven times eleven) plus (64 minus sixteen times
four)?  A lot of work for nothing.
If one's not enough, two's company and three's a crowd, what's four and
five? Nine.
52. Why didn’t the Romans find algebra challenging?  Because X was
always 10.

53.How do we know that the following fractions are in Europe? A/C, X/C
and W/C ? 
54. What do you get when you combine Einstein and Pythagoras
discoveries? E m c2 = m ( a2 +  b2 )
55. How do you expand (a + b)2?  (a            +            b)           2
56. How would you prove that 2 = 1?  If a = b (so I say)
[a = b] 
57. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?  Geometry.
58. What do you have to know to get top grades in geometry?  All the
angles.
59. Why was the obtuse angle upset?  Because he was never right.
60. What's a polygon?  A dead parrot.
61. Who invented the Round Table?  Sir Cumference.
62. What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?  A
plane cheeseburger.
63. What do your eyes do when you see a tough geometry problem? 
They dilate.
64. What did the complementary angle say to the isosceles triangle? 
Nice legs.
65. Where did Christopher Complementary begin his journey?  At the
Verta Seas.
66. How do you catch a Geomotrysaurus Rex?  With a Zoid Trap, the
same way you would trap-a-zoid.

67. What anesthetic do you receive when you are getting your teeth pulled
by a Geometry teacher?  RNova-gon-cane.
68. What did the circle say to the tangent line?  "Stop touching me!"
69. Which triangles are the coldest?  Ice-sosceles triangles.
70. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by
its diameter?  Pumpkin-pie
71. What happened to the teacher that was arrested trying to board an
airplane with a compass, a protractor and a calculator?  He was
charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
72. What's the best dessert in the Math Teacher's Café?  A slice of
chocolate pi.
73. How many calories are there in that slice of chocolate pi? 
Approximately 3.142
74. What shape is usually waiting for you at Wendy's?  A line.
75. Why can’t you have beer at a math party?  Because you can’t drink
and derive.
76. What is the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"? 
Natural log cabin + c = houseboat.

77. What is the shortest mathematicians joke?  Let epsilon be smaller

than zero.
78. Why are mathematicians afraid to drive cars?  Because the width
of the road is negligible compared to its length.
79. What is the first derivative of a cow?  Prime Rib.
80. What's polite and works for the phone company?  A deferential
operator.
81. What did the zombie say to the mathematician?  I hate integrating
by parts.
82. What is the limit as n goes to infinity of sin(x)/n?  6 (Cancel the n
in the numerator and denominator)
83. What did sin x ask e  x at the party?  Why don’t you integrate
yourself into the party?
84. What chart should not be shown at an Alcoholics’ Anonymous
meeting? A bar chart.
85. How can this function be a limerick?

It can be read as:

Integral z-squared dz
from 1 to the cube root of 3
times the cosine
of three pi over 9
equals log of the cube root of 'e'. 
(And it's correct, too! Each side evaluates to 1/3.) 
86. Why are Maclaurin series so good for approximating functions?
(contributed by Aaron)  They're Taylor-ed (tailored) to each of them.
87. Who knows everything about vector calculus? (contributed by
Aaron)  The Oracle of Del Phi.

88. Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes?  Lack of fit.
89. What did the Box Plot say to the outlier?  Don't you dare get close
to my whisker?
90. What did one regression coefficient say to the other regression
coefficient? I'm partial to you.
91. Why did Yogi Bear become a statistician?  Because he discovered
that truth could be inferred on the basis of bare facts.
92. Why did the statistician do such a horrid job of laying tile on his
bathroom floor?  He incorrectly partitioned some of the squares.
93. Who is the most famous Statistician?  George Washington. He
claimed he never told a lie and got away with it.
94. How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another? 
Check the p-value.
95. is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?  That's the Law
of Spline Demand.
96. What does a statistician use to measure the weight of trees?  The
log scale.
97. What do you call a statistician on drugs?  A high flyer.
98. How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?  1 to 3,
alpha = .05
99. What happens to the statistician who was thrown in jail?  He now
has zero degrees of freedom.
100. Why must statisticians stay away from children's toys?  Because
they regress so easily.
101. What chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention?  A pie chart
102. What mathematical symbol did math whiz Ferdinand von Lindemann
determine to be a transcendental number in 1882?
A:Pi.
103. What do you call an angle more than 90 degrees and less than 180
degrees?
A: Obtuse.
104. What's the top number of a fraction called?
A: The numerator.
105. What Greek math whiz noticed that the morning star and evening star
were one and the same, in 530 B.C.?
A: Pythagoras.
106. What two letters are both symbols for 1,000?
A: K and M.
107. What's short for "binary digit"?
A: Bit.
108.  What century did mathematicians first use plus and minus signs?
A: The sixteenth.
109. What number, a one followed by 100 zeros, was first used by nine-
year-old Milton Sirotta in 1940?
A: Googol.
101. What handy mathematical instrument's days were numbered when
the pocket calculator made the scene in the 1970s?
A: The Slide rule's.
111. What's a polygon with four unequal sides called?
A: A quadrilateral.
112. What's a flat image that can be displayed in three dimensions?
A: A hologram.
113. What number does "giga" stand for?
A: One billion.
114. What digit did Arab mathematician al-Khwarizmi give to the West
around 800 B/B.?
A: Zero.
115.  What word describes a number system with a base of two?
A: Binary.
116. How many equal sides does an icosahedron have?
A:  Twenty.
117.  What do mathematicians call a regular polygon with eight sides?
A:  An octagon.
118..  What T-word is defined in geometry as "a straight line that touches
a curve but continues on with crossing it"?
A:  Tangent.
119. What geometrical shape forms the hole that fits and allen wrench?
A: The hexagon. 
120. What number is an improper fraction always greater than?
A: One.
Submitted by: Sandro Leonor

Submitted to: Sheryl Rose Catipon

suphistikada29@y7mail.com