[WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

Lights up on Morticia and Gomez, standing together.

Morticia: She's perky.

Gomez: She's bubbly.

Morticia: She's optimistic.

Gomez: Where did we go wrong?

Morticia:
WE TAUGHT HER TO HUNT.

Gomez:
WE TAUGHT HER TO AIM.

Morticia:
WE GAVE HER A BOW.

Gomez:
WE GAVE HER NO SHAME.

Morticia:
WE GAVE WHAT WE HAD.

Gomez:
MADE SURE SHE WAS BAD.

Morticia, Gomez:
DID ALL THAT WE COULD TO KEEP HER SAD.

Gomez:
WE TOLD HER TO STAY AWAY FROM MODERN JAZZ.

Morticia:
WE GAVE HER THAT WEEK-LONG TRIP TO ALCATRAZ.

Gomez:
WE PROMISED SHE'D BE EQUIPPED

Morticia:
AND FILLED HER CRYPT WITH WOE.
Morticia, Gomez:
WHAT DID WE KNOW?

Gomez:
WE TOOK HER TO FUNERALS IN THE MORNING MIST.

Morticia:
WE TOOK HER TO SLAUGHTER HOUSES.

Gomez:
SCHINDLER'S LIST.

Morticia:
WE TAUGHT HER TO SCOWL AND SNEER AND DOMINEER

Gomez:
ON CUE!

Morticia, Gomez:
SO, WHAT DID WE DO? WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

Gomez: Are we good parents?

Morticia, Gomez:
WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

Morticia: Are we cliché?

Morticia, Gomez:
SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN GUILT AND GUILLOTINE, WE FORGOT TO NOTICE
THAT OUR DAUGHTER LOST HER WAY! WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

Morticia:
AND CAN WE FIX THIS?

Gomez:
MAYBE IT'S A PASSING PHASE?

Morticia, Gomez:
BUT IF SHE'S GOING WRONG, THEN WHAT WILL CHANGE HER WAYS?

Gomez: That's it! We'll cancel this dinner

Morticia: We'll circle the wagons.

Gomez: And give these "goodylicious" Beinekes the boot!

Morticia:
WE MUST INTERVENE!

Gomez:
WE SHOULDN'T DELAY!

Morticia:
SHE'S BARELY EIGHTEEN!

Gomez:
SO WHAT DO WE SAY?

Morticia:
WE KNOW THE OCCULT.

Gomez:
THAT'S CERTAINLY TRUE.

Morticia:
WE'RE TO CONSULT.

Gomez:
MORTICIA, WITH YOU.

Morticia:
SO WHY ALL THE FUSS?

Gomez:
MY DARLING, DISCUSS.

Morticia:
SHE NEEDS ONLY US!

Gomez:
IT'S US, ONLY US!

Morticia:
WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR HER, TO SWEAR FOR HER.

Gomez:
DISCOURAGE DENTAL CARE FOR HER.

Morticia, Gomez:
DO WELL FOR HER, EXCEL FOR HER, MAKE HOME A LIVING HELL FOR HER, SO
‘WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?’ IS NOT THE QUESTION. RESOLUTE AND STRONG
IS OUR NEXT MOVE.

Gomez:
WE'LL TELL HER TODAY!

Morticia:
DO WHAT WE SAY!

Morticia, Gomez:
SEND ALL THE BEINEKES BACK TO THE FRAY, TURN THEM AWAY AT FIRST
SIGHT! AND THAT'S WHERE WE'LL GO RIGHT!
No dinner tonight!

Blackout.