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 sept cover stories
photographs by
ERIC RAY
40
DAVIDSON Hark: the laziest
fashion by (er, sneakiest?) way
CASSIE to fake a mani
ANDERSON

82
Hello and welcome to
the sex-toy boom

102
Wear a damn mask!

108
Will you ever put on
heels again?

inside

10 you first
16 celeb
26 fashion
38 beauty
56 life
74 astrology
ON JOEY 80 lust
Solid & Striped top. 88 features
Frame jeans. Brooke
Gregson necklaces
and ring. Victoria
Beckham sunglasses.

ON THE COVER
Victor Glemaud top
and skir t. Pamela
Love earrings.

Hair: Dimitris Giannetos at

The Wall Group using Well
Professionals. Makeup: Allan
Avendaño at A-Frame Agency
using Urban Decay.
Manicure: Thuy Nguyen
at A-Frame Agency. Props
styled by Abraham Latham for
Art Department. Production:
Crawford & Co Productions.

88
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The

September
42

S a v i n g l i v e s, b
issue by

ut m ake it
the numbers

fa
un

sh
. PICS AND VIDS

What it took to make this mag. O F PA S TA A S

By SAM FEHER
RESE ARCH (OBVS)
FOR THE QUIZ
O N P A G E 12 .

dating apps
8picture-p er f e ct
p oses giving us
(and now you!)
major grid insp o
62 cringe-inducing
staf f er ro ommate
stories to inspire the
Pet t y-Ro ommate
Whe el of For tune on
on p age 26. page 10. (Plus 134
Tinder he at e d Slack messages
242
matches ab out said stories.)

1
14 Mercur y-Retrograde-induced technology crashes.

D A B R O W S K A / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M . N E W G I R L A N D B L A C K W I D O W : A L A MY ( 2 ). N A I L A R T: A A R O N D U R A L L .
W O M A N I N A M A S K : K R E S H O N N A K E A N E /@ V I S U A L S BY K /M O D E L : N A I E M A H S W I N TO N . C O U P L E O N B E D : A N N A
$14 sound machine 1 sprit z: all it takes to
f all in love with the newest L EG I T I M AT E
e dition of our ver y ow n
3 DISCUSSIONS
fragrance, Eau de Juice

46+
G o o d Energ y Eau de ABOUT PUTTING
Par fum. Hello, mandarin-
THE FLOOFY
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HOURS SPENT
WATC H I N G S C R E E N E RS
es
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to finish a ye ars-
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lta B

to *actually*
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nU

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.
lta
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4 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
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 With notes from editor-in-chief Jessica
Pels (aka the person in the mask!)

Ed letter
Oh, hey! Cosmo shopping edi-
tor Alexis Bennett has arrived to
help you find the best products
and discounts on the internet.
Literally, that’s her actual job.
And here’s what an actual day
in her (v on-trend) shoes is like.

Inside intel: Alexis is Cosmo’s

first-*ever* shopping editor—
and I’m kinda jealous of her job!

out a story on chic

9 A.M.
I usually guzzle at
least a couple cups
of tea first thing in
the morning and
*#TabithaBrown
voice* that’s my
business. While I’m
sippin’, I catch up
on my favorite pod-
cast, Group Chat.
9:30 A . M .
Alright, now it’s
time to get typing.
Today, I’m cranking
Lipstick for when you
can’t wear lipstick.
This sounds gross, but
home desk essen-
also I want some?
tials, now that
’rona has made
crème Reese’s
WFH the new
Franken-Cups...
norm. There’s noth-
yeah, this is not
ing like having a 4 :15 P. M .
good for my sweet
rose-gold plan- Now I dig into
tooth (or is it?),
ner and an acrylic some data. I
I’d like to see this part and I’m missing the
organizer to get always know what
of the transcript, please! coworkers I would
those creative our readers are
girl, quarantin- normally share all
juices flowing. splurging on—yes,
ing with Orlando, this sugar with.
I noticed all you
11: 3 0 A . M . and—my favorite
1: 3 0 P. M . folks dropping
part, obviously— launches is my
When I’m done, I major coins on
her new hobby: job, which means Just a little afternoon
finish up a list of luxe exercise
online shopping. basically every juggling act over
interview ques- equipment and
(She is a natural company has me here: I’m editing
tions for Katy high-end candles.
and tells me she on their mailing write-ups on cute
Perry (!), who’s
just scooped up a list. I get a huge summer outfit ideas
about to do a 6 : 3 0 P. M .
cheap boho dress.) box of Hershey’s and Meghan Mar-
virtual concert I’m ready to leave
new Halloween kle’s favorite jeans
to help raise 12 :15 P. M . the office, aka my
candy—vampire- (they’re Mother,
money for those dining room table,
Keeping up with fang-shaped Cook- btw) plus putting fin-
impacted by and head to...the
new product ies ‘N’ Créme ishing touches on a
COVID-19. I ask living room.
bars, “blood”-filled roundup of Bermuda
about her baby
Kisses, green- shorts (yes, they’re
trending).
3 P. M .
S h o p pin g Edit o r
@_ A l ex isB e nn e t t
Zoom time. The
WE MAK
HI, E team and I debrief
S K S N O W! about Hauliday™—
MA the big discount
shopping event we Two days of major sales
Sinc e masks are non - ne gosh, we because we love you.
just launched with
want e d to give you some cut e Keep your eyes peeled
buy-now-pay-later
for next year’s!
new options—get yours at platform Klarna—
Echo N ewYork.com/cosmo. and game-plan how
We’ll donat e to Until We Do I t, to make it even
an org t hat provid es COVI D -19 bigger in 2021.
re lief to v ulnerable communities.

6 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Masks designed by KATIE CZERWINSKI

 TODAY’S FORECAST:
100% CHANCE OF
HYDRATED SKIN.
Clinically proven to lock in hydration
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© J&JCI 2019
Editor-in- Chief SVP/Publishing Director, Chief Revenue Officer
JESSICA PELS NANCY BERGER
CRE ATIVE D I REC TO R Andy Turnbull ASSO CI AT E PU B LISH ER/CRO Leslie Picard
E XECU TIVE ED ITO R Sascha de Gersdorff star t just ASSO CI AT E PU B L ISH ER/ADVERTISI N G Stacy Nathan
D EPU T Y ED ITO RS Rosa Heyman, Jen Ortiz lly ASSO CI AT E PU B LISH ER/H E A D O F B R A N D
CH I EF VISUA L- CO NT ENT D I REC TO R Alix Campbell na STR ATEGY A N D M A RK E TI N G Jo Bray

fi
FASH I O N D I REC TO R Cassie Anderson E XECU TIVE FI N A N CI A L D I REC TO R Kathy Riess

u
When yo
B E AU T Y D I REC TO R Julee Wilson G RO U P M A RK E TI N G D I REC TO RS
g for wha
ENTERTA I N M ENT D I REC TO R Maxwell Losgar kin t y
Marnie Braverman, Marianne Civiletto
D ESI G N D I REC TO R Jose Fernandez as

ou
FE AT U RES D I REC TO R Andrea Stanley INTEGR ATED ADVERTISING SALES

wa
E XECU TIVE D I REC TO RS
FEATURES Margot Becker Giblin, Andrea Foster

n t.
D EPU T Y L I FEST YL E D I REC TO R Ashley Oerman ACCO U NT D I REC TO RS Marissa Perri,
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 Y O U

F I R S T T h e p e t t y- r o o m m a t e

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 Y O U

W h a t k in d o f
F I R S T

n o o d l e a r e yo u? c Something that’ll
Because we’re all 99 percent pasta by now. look great on
By SAM FEHER Instagram…for when
I make them post that b That ah-mazing
pic of me. chicken stir-fry I meal-
prepped yesterday.

3. You’ve of fered c A sundae: mint chip

t o host your crew drowned in every
the next time y ’all piece of sugar I can
can saf ely go out find in my apartment.
again. What are
you ser ving up?
a Meh, they can bring
whatever! My fridge is
M O S T LY A’ S
empty anyway.
Spaghetti
b A charcuterie
Always chill,
board I Pinned (and
you’re a totally
already sent around
noncontroversial,
to everyone): olives,
classic crowd-pleaser
prosciutto, crackers,
who lets your friends
and seven different
call the shots (it’s
types of cheese.
just so much easier,
c Pizza. right?). Laziness is
your superpower.

4. You just found out

your p arent s have
b een hiding a se cret M O S T LY B ’ S

trust fund from you. Rigatoni

Where will you plan
You’re loyal and
your first big vacay?
Ye

grounded, and you

s,

a I’ll poll the group definitely own a

th

is
is

m chat (sry, NOT invited) color-coded planner.

y
en
tire and send their recs to Like how rigatoni
visio y ?
n b o ard. Wh a bougie travel agent. works hard to deliver
b Going to hit literally sauce to your mouth
every 5-star resort in every little groove,
in the Maldives you always put the
that Tripadvisor crew on your back.
2. You’re 10 minut es
recommends for a
lat e for a first dat e
1. It ’s your BFF’s “girls’ trip.”
and st aring dead-
bir thday and you M O S T LY C ’ S
eye d at your closet. c Someone crown me
obviously have t o do Ravioli
What half-asse d the Lindsay Lohan of
*something*. You…
look do you grab? Ibiza, pls. Like this beloved
a Post a few IG Stories nood, you and your
a An easy lil sundress
where she looks hot. (probs) Gemini self
because I just…can’t
5. It ’s midnight and
b Text her fam so with anything more are all business on
your st omach is
we’re all on the same complicated. the outside, PAR-TAY
grow ling so loudly
page re: presents. on the inside.
b Half-assed what? that your neighbors
are get ting alarme d. Somehow, your
@ GA BRI ELLECAUN ESI L

c Plan a drive-by I vetted this outfit

What ’s your snack? friends don’t hate you
surprise party. What last week.
for flaking on plans
says “I love you” more a Probably chips or
thrice weekly.
than 100 people something?
honking??

1 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 Y O U

F I R S T SMO Q
CO

H ow mu c h d o
yo u r p a r e nt s r e all y k n ow
a b o u t yo u?
Much respect to ever yone whose mom follows their finsta.
By SHANNON BARBOUR

H a ve yo u t o l d t h e m a b o u t H ow m u c h d o t h ey k n ow a b o u t Wo u l d yo u e v e r s e n d t h e m
that new cutie with yo u r s p e n d i n g h a b i t s? d i r t y m e m e s usu a l l y r e s e r v e d
a b o o t y yo u’ve b e e n t a l k i n g t o? f o r yo u r b e s t f r i e n d s?
70%
Trust, they’ve
seen the Amazon
42% 73%
58% deliveries.
Literally never.
30%
They don’t need
Not unless I Duh, my mom to know that
accidentally updated drafts 70 percent frosé costs $20! 27%
my FB relationship of my texts. Hell yeah. No group
status for the first time chat is safe.
in 10 years.

A r e t h ey c o n s u l t e d b e f o r e
yo u m a ke a ny
W h e n’s t h e l a s t t i m e yo u
l i f e - a l t e r i n g d e c isi o ns?
had a deep talk about
a ny a n d a l l o f t h e
76%
f e e l i n g s yo u’ve e ve r f e l t
Yeah, I don’t wanna
i n yo u r yo u n g l i f e? mistakenly order sushi

54
again when I really
should’ve picked Thai.
%

These emotions
STAY bottled up.
24 %

46
Only after everything
has already
gone up in flames.
%
I FaceTimed
them this morning,
so…this morning.

ou for alw
ey a
H a ve yo u e ve r g o n e lik
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n
rever a

ho ne pass
yp wo
58% 42% m
rd
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bu

Words cannot I live for

die
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s with me

express how dancing on

e

much that terrifies tables lov

I ’l l
GET T Y I M AGES.

me to my core. with Kathy.

.

1 4 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
Purina trademarks are owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A.

With Added
Vitamins &
Minerals

Small dog worthy. Small dog adored.

 c e l e b
a list of
Just

r e a lit y sh ow i d e as we’d
d e f init e l y wa t c h
By SHANNON BARBOUR

1.
Finally! A show devoted entirely
to Chrissy Teigen’s kids. Free title idea:
Living Legends.

6.
2.
Keeping Up With
JoJo Siwa gives the Kardashians
ambush makeovers Kravitzes.
to unsuspecting
celebs. Imagine 7.
Tyler Cameron in
Pete Davidson and
a rainbow sparkle
Machine Gun Kelly
ensemble.
cover up people’s
terrible tattoos with
3.
custom designs.
Professional
architects and 8.
interior designers
Internet gods/
judge the fake homes
influencers Rickey
people build
Thompson and
on The Sims.
Denzel Dion team
up with YouTuber
4.
HauteLeMode to host
People who used a hybrid fashion-
to work for celebs design-modeling
break their NDAs competition.
and reveal everything
they know… 9.
Jordyn Woods
5.
and her “twin”
…and the spin-off: sister, Jodie, help
a behind-the-scenes people get over
look at how friend breakups,
famous people Queer Eye style.
and their PR teams
@DONNA _ ADI

manage scandals
and write Notes
app apologies.

1 6 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Illustration by DONNA ADI

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ce le b

S o K-p o p
st ans a r e… White House loves
to brag about the
number of people

s a v in g us all
who show up for him those who hop on the
even when, um, we’re bandwagon because
in a pandemic, this it seems kind of awe-
move in particular some to be a part of.
They have been BUSY. showed K-pop (And just guessing
By STARR BOWENBANK standom’s genius. here, but maybe also
The tens-of-millions- because it feels pretty
strong (!!) group hit damn empowering to
him exactly where it be able to actually
hurts, making their subvert intolerant
disapproval known— authorities at a time
from home. when so many people
Wielding social feel so powerless.)
media like a v If all this seems like
efficient, fun-to-swing the most 2020 thing
sword has always to ever 2020, that’s
been their Thing. because…it is. As
See: that time social media and
they used hashtag political engagement
spamming and all- have become
night streaming to inextricably linked,
make BTS’s “Boy With the barrier to entry
Luv” the most viewed for participation has
YouTube video ever plummeted—and
in a 24-hour period. that is good news for
Or that time they everyone! All this
helped the band new wave of activism
Blackpink set three takes is a smartphone
Guinness World or computer, a desire
Records streaming to do something,
titles. Now, stans and a bit of free time.
are using these same Which, if our screen-
habits—spamming, time reports are to
streaming, ticketing— be believed, there’s
for the greater good, plenty of right now.
Busy as in: protecting says Tamar Herman, When it comes to
peaceful protesters reserving so many tick- author of BTS: Blood, what K-pop devotees
in Dallas by flooding ets to President Trump’s Sweat & Tears. Like can accomplish, the
the police depart- June rally in Tulsa— when the BTS Army limit probably does
ment’s crowd-sourced with no plans to actu- raised $1 million to not exist. And let’s
surveillance app with ally attend—that when match the band’s *all* take this as a
footage of K-pop the cameras panned donation to Black refreshing reminder
concerts. Busy as in: across the “crowd,” Lives Matter. of just how much
(Yo u mi g h t drowning out racist they revealed far more The fans them- every one of us
wanna
s t a r t t a k in g
tweets filed under empty seats than occu- selves, explains can achieve while
strategy #AllLivesMatter by pied ones. Herman, are a diverse lit-er-al-ly sitting on
n o t e s.)
using the hashtag to Given that the mix of people who our couches. Bras
post more concert current resident of the are eager to actively optional.
GET T Y I M AGES.

vids. Busy as in: combat racism and

police brutality, and

1 8 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Illust ration by ABIGAIL SILVER M AN

 MY SHELTER PETS ARE
MY BEST FRIENDS

OLIVIA MUNN WITH FRANKIE AND CHANCE: ADOPTED 2016 AND 2014.
They’re a little bit of a lot of things, but they’re all pure love.

THESHELTERPETPROJECT.ORG
NEWS OF THE WORLD O h, ye a h, a n d h e r e a r e t h e ot h e r 2020 m ov i es t o l o o k o u t f o r t h a t we co u l d n’t f it a ny w h e r e e ls e. To l d ya t h e r e was a l ot o f st u f f!

The nex t f ew mont hs are going

t o b e p op cult ure overlo a d.
12/25:

By ELIZABETH ENTENMAN
•
TOP GUN: M AVERICK

maybe, we don’t

i
know” timeline Long-delayed movies
(see: new seasons
of The Handmaid’s
Tale, Euphoria,
I’m too sad to
continue…). But
’m just
there is also a huge
gonna say it:
postponed wave of
THE CROODS 2,

The first half

backlogged Great
of this year
Stuff coming your Black Widow Candyman Promising Young
felt a bit like an
way right now. Woman
entertainment desert 5/1 11/6 6/12 10/16
Read on for what 4/17 Fa l l T B D
at a moment when Get into the This sequel to the
to watch when.*
we needed the backstory of ’90s slasher classic, Carey Mulligan
distraction of Natasha Romanoff, starring Yahya proves that
*Ahem, we have to the Avenger who Abdul-Mateen II, self-described “nice
12/23:

#content more than used to be a KGB was cowritten guys” can totally
throw a big ol’
ever. (Like, the disclaimer on this operative, and by Jordan Peele, so suck in this
inescapable success welcome a new you know it’ll be intense dark-humor-y
whole thing because
superhero (played excellent. revenge flick.
of a documentary it’s all extremely U N G WO
by Florence Pugh).
•

YO M
LOV
about a mulleted subject to change
G

EC
AN
PROMISIN

A
man and his tigers
WEST SIDE STORY

bet ween now and…

FT
CO
could *only* have whenever. All the

U N T RY
occurred in such a TBDs you’ll see mean
we’ve been promised
time of need.) The
“fall,” just not an A badass
shows and movies
actual date date. So female-led action
we’d been so
maybe set up a flick is juuust
freaking excited Google Alert for any the distraction
about were put on entertainment that we need rn.
DUNE,

hold, whether catches your eye?

because of pauses
in filming or hopeful
production
COMING 2 AMERICA,

companies waiting
to have major
~theatrical
releases~.
Bacheloret t e?

are a few key

around on some
mythical “2021,
GUT TER CREDIT
12/18:

B L AC K
•

THE W I D OW
M A N DA LO R I A N
UY
G

EE
 9/4 : A QUIET PL ACE PART II, THE BEATLES: GET BACK • 9/18: KAJILLIONAIRE, T H E K I N G ’ S MAN

•
N e w a n d v exc i t i n g s e r i e s p r e m i e r e s

TITLE LES STARS O K AY, S E L L M E

P E N15: A L E X LO M B A R D I / H U L U/ KO B A L /S H U T T E R S TO C K . T H E C R O W N : C O U R T E S Y D E S W I L L I E / N E T F L I X .
B A BY YO DA , B L A C K W I D O W, C A N DYM A N : A L A MY. LO V E C R A F T C O U N T RY: E L I Z A B E T H M O R R I S/ H B O.

T H E U N D O I N G : K R I S T I N C A L L A H A N / E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N . A L L OT H E R S (15 ): G E T T Y I M A G E S .

Odessa A’zion, Amalia Welcome to the next gen of

Grand
Yoo, Maliq Johnson, Amir gritty high school dramas sure to
Army
Bageria, Odley Jean put you in your feels.

Jonathan Majors, Jurnee A horror drama set in 1950s

Lovecraf t
Smollett, Courtney B. Vance, Jim Crow–era America, featuring
Countr y
Michael Kenneth Williams monsters of all kinds.

Nicole Kidman, Hugh Grant, Here to fill the Big Little Lies–
The
Fall TBD HBO Donald Sutherland, Edgar size hole in your psychological-
Undoing
Ramírez, Ismael Cruz Cordova thriller-loving heart.

Amazon Sasha Lane, Desmin Borges, Comic-book stans get caught

Ut opia Fall TBD Prime Dan Byrd, John Cusack, Rainn in a dangerous web in this thriller
Video Wilson, Ashleigh LaThrop from the writer of Gone Girl.

Hilary Swank, Ato Essandoh, Hilary is a badass

Away September 4 Netflix Mark Ivanir, Ray Panthaki, astronaut on a super-risky
Josh Charles, Vivian Wu mission in this sci-fi drama.

Live-action laughs + cartoon

Lamorne Morris,
Hulu sequences + timely subject
T. Murph, Blake Anderson
matter + Winston from New Girl.

T
Psst: Relish se ason

H
EC
4, bc 5 was

ROWN
pushe d to 2022!

B u t w h e n i s my f a v e c o m i n g b a c k?
CA
N

IS US
DY

IS
MAN

TH

SEASON WHEN WHERE

17 Fall TBD ABC

2 September 18 Hulu

4 Fall TBD Netflix

2 October TBD Disney+

5 Fall TBD NBC

P E N15 THE UNDOING G R E Y ’S A N ATO MY

TH

O
DEEP WATER, 11/13 : • STILLWATER 11/6 : • FATALE C O M E P L AY, 10/30: • N THE NILE
ce le b

B e n P l a t t i s h e r e to m a k e
you with this
perfectly curated playlist
By EMMA BATY

can take you out of

These songs = your head and into your
body.”
a vibe check
5. “First and foremost,
I love Haim because
Evergreen they’re fantastic Jewish
1
BY Y E B BA
sisters and they’re from
L.A., so they’re girls
of my own heart. This
song’s got a lot of funk.”
I Know a Place
2 6. “It’s so rare that
BY M U N A
someone can take a
classic song that’s
not theirs and make you

3
Your Smiling Face
B Y J A M E S T AY L O R
This is Ben

ly
’s al
a r d abou “t hi
n k i n g re
h t m
usi
c” pose.
4
Light On
BY M AG G I E RO G E RS
hear it in a way you
haven’t before. To do
that with a Joni Mitchell
5
The Ste ps song is even harder.”
BY H A I M
7. “She does so many
different vocal things
that are impressive.
6
A Case of You As a singer, it’s so
BY JA M ES B L A K E fun to listen to.”
8. “I love a song that
juxtaposes joyful
God Is a Woman release with a lyric
7 (live version) that’s more melancholy
BY A R I A N A G R A N D E and underhanded.
1. “She’s one of the Positive on positive
greatest vocalists I’ve can be overkill.”
make us a montage of
Missing U ever heard. This really
8 pictures and home vid- 9. “It’s the ultimate joy
BY RO BY N fills me up—it feels very
eos. One of the songs maker. I can’t listen to
warm and calming.”
he set my sister’s to it without feeling at
2. “One of my favorite was ‘Your Smiling least somewhat happy
ZO E Y G R O S S M A N /C O U R T E S Y N E T F L I X .

A lit t l e ‘release everything’ Face.’ It always makes or smiling a little bit.”

How Will I Know
9 extra Ben dance songs—a ‘jump me think of my family.”
BY W H I T N E Y H O US TO N f o r y a! 10. “I wanted to write
around and throw your
4. “I saw Maggie live a song that I would like
arms to the side’ kind
BON K
US twice and I listened to hear when I’m in the
TRA
C of song.”
to her album about darker spaces or when
10
So Will I 3. “My family is Jew- 300 out of 365 days the anxiety of this year
BY B E N P L AT T ish, and whenever one last year. ‘Light On’ becomes overwhelm-
of us had a bar or bat ing. I’m hoping it com-
mitzvah, my dad would forts a lot of people.”

2 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
ce le b

M ov ie t h e a t e rs,
I miss yo u The Twiz zle rs
b e t t e r still b e t he re
w he n I g e t b a ck.

Remember when we
could sit in a room
and laugh/cr y with
other people?
By EMMA BATY

t
to throw a “Kim,
there’s people that
are dying” GIF at
me, and that’s fair!
But just let me have
he last movie my moment, okay?
I went to There’s no way in
before quar- hell I’m going back
antine was a packed to a theater anytime
weeknight showing of soon no matter
The Invisible Man. For what’s “allowed”—
two hours, surrounded let me grieve!
by the smell of pop- To wit, I watched
corn and the sound Pete Davidson’s The
of Sour Patch Kids King of Staten Island
being ripped open, recently, and it was
we watched Elisabeth funny, sure, but it
Moss’s character take would have been
down her abusive funnier—not just
ex-boyfriend. When seemed funnier but
the woman in front of actually been funnier,
me gasped an “Oh, like how food tastes And you miss out that creates a really
hell no” at a pivotal better on airplanes— on the afterglow. In specific sense of
moment, I felt it like it if there were a woman “normal life,” you can after an absolutely community that’s
was part of the plot. to my right enter a theater in a chilling ending when almost impossible to
It was definitely part who had her terrible mood and everyone just sits replicate while tweet-
of the experience— entire fore- there for a beat or ing along with a
one I miss everything arm on my two before stumbling watch-party hashtag
You can come out 90
about, right down armrest and out en masse and from home.
to the questionably a guy in
minutes later feeling exchanging “What Don’t get me
sticky floors. front of me like you just got a hug. just happened?” wrong, I love a good
I know, I know. who kept looks? That. Remem- tweet-watch, but it
There are way bigger looking at his phone. come out 90 minutes ber going on a first just can’t recapture
@ PA C K E D PA R T Y/ PA C K E D PA R T Y.C O M .

things to worry about Because we’d still all later feeling like you date to a movie that the big collective
than being deprived be giggling together just got a hug. Or like made you both sob? bond I’ve been miss-
of a 3:30 matinee with in the dark. Watching you were momentarily That too. ing. Or the chance
a bunch of potentially the movie in a well-lit part of something Not to get all to escape the real
infectious strangers. room at my parents’ bigger than yourself. emotional about it, world, together, for a
You’re probably ready house is almost too You know that feeling but there’s something couple of hours.
comfortable or some- about this particular
thing. Too easy. group experience

24 Cosmop o litan S eptemb er 2020

Cheese. Tacos.
No dinner drama.

© 2019 Kraft Foods

 f a s h i o n
1.
THE
FR A M E
Your
thumbs 3.
were made 2. THE CHEEK
exactly THE BOSS A slight brush of
for this Profesh and your manicured
reason. powerful. fingers = dreamy.

a list of
Just
p osi n g
su g g est i o ns i f
yo u n eve r
k n ow w h a t t o
d o w it h
5.
4.
T H E S WO O N
yo u r h a n ds T H E S Q UAT
Just prop your
When you finally By L AUREN ADHAV elbows up on
see the UPS driver your knees and
with your packages. you’ve nailed it.

@ V I S U A L S BY K . M O D E L : N A I E M A H S W I N TO N .

6. 7.
THE POINT THE TWIRL 8.
But less “Hey, Also known as THE DISCO
you!” and a fifth position. Like peace signs but
little more You’re a way artsier—especially
“Heyyy, you.” ballerina now. with statement eyeliner.

2 6 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Photographs by KRESHONNA KEANE

©J&JCI 2020
 TH E

By L AUREN ADHAV
Fan c y night g ow ns O P TI O
NS!

D o u b l e yo u r s l e e pwe a r
as, we ll, re gul a r- we a r (?).

a r e yo u r n ew d a y t im e t hin g S t y l e t h e m as d re s s e s, o r
if t h ey ’re t o o s e e - t hro u gh,
we a r t h e m ove r je ans
an d a b ra t o p.

What even is the dif ference bet ween bed and life anymore!

D ô e n,
$198,
shopdoen
.c o m

Hill H o us e
H o m e,
$10 0,
hillh o us e
h o m e.c o m

N an a J a cqu e lin e,
$ 429, n a n a
ja c q u e lin e.c o m

Th e S l e e p
S hir t,
$205,
thesleep
s hir t
.c o m

S l e e p e r,
$250,
the -
sleeper
A nya L ust, $595, .c o m
a nya l us t.c o m

2 8 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 f ashion
D ô e n,
$208,
shopdoen
.c o m

D o mi, $168,
s l e e p d o mi
.c o m
Camp o
Co ll e c t io n,
$525,
c amp o
c o l l e c t io n
.c o m

L aS et t e,
$150,
l as e t t e.s h o p

A r ak s,
$330,
a ra k s
.c o m

Take a turn
about the
room in one
of these flow y
numbers. It ’s
refreshing,
is it not?

Eb e rjey,
$56,
e b e rjey
.c o m

O, GET
LS A
A ROBE!

Just fully ke ep
the bougie
H I L A R Y WA L S H ( 2 ).

vibes going.
Fe N o e l, $628, L ove, Ve r a, $50, L e ml e m, $375, O li v ia vo n H all e, $ 485,
f e n o e l.c o m l oveve ra.c o m l e ml e m.c o m o livia vo nh a ll e.c o m

S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 29
 f ashion

Nylon bags are the ALLLLL THESE

2000s TRENDS

2020 fashion equivalent

ARE COMING
BACK

of comfort food
Get in my belly on my shoulder.
By ALEXIS BENNETT

O H H I,
N OSTA LG I A

S PAG H E T TI -
STRAP MINIS
L o e f fl e r Ran d all,
D ail y Pap e r d re s s,
$125, l o e f f l e r
$148, d ail y p a p e r
ran d a ll.c o m
c l o t hin g.c o m

B a g gu,
$ 48,
b a g gu.c o m

LOW-RISE JEANS
7 Fo r A ll M ank in d
je ans, $198,
7f o ra l l m a n k in d.c o m

BU C K ET H ATS
A sa t a M ais é h a t, $175,
a s a t a m ais e.c o m

Pr a d a,
$1,29 0,
f as hio n
p hil e.c o m PL ATFO R M S
Po p py
Lissim an, L oza M al é o mb h o
$95, s a n d a ls, $150,
p o p py l ozam a l e o mb h o.c o m
lis sim an
.c o m

G o l dno.8,
$125,
g o l dn o8
.c o m
S T Y L E D BY M E G U M I E M OTO.

L e S p o r t s a c,
$60, l e s p o r t s a c
.c o m M ATC H I N G S ETS
J BD A p p ar e l s e t,
$240, jb d a p p a re l.c o m

3 0 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Ph o t o g r a p hs by CO R E Y M AY WA LT
f ashion

The art of not looking like a walking burrito

while layering
Yes, I said ART. By L AUREN ADHAV
it in your hand (or just use your pockets!) to reduce bulk.
The puf fier the coat, the more annoying the purse. Carr y

“ Two c o l o rs”
is your new
mantra
Your layered sitch
won’t be as impres-
sive if it all blends
together, so ditch
the all-black and
embrace brights.
Alternating two
hues guarantees
that everyone can
peep your new
know-how.

Go up a
jacket size.
Really.
Or risk
2
tr ying (and
failing, lol)
D o n’t i g n o r e to fit all
your bottom those other
half
Wear fun socks or sleeves
tights with skirts,
dresses, or flowy
underneath.
pants (even better
if those pants are
3
shorter or have side
slits) for expert-level
layering. And to, uh, O h, also,
duh, stay warm.
texture is your
friend
Mix! Up! Materials!
Chunky knits, quilted
jackets, pleated
pants, leather
shoes—it all creates
more visual interest.

3 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 f ashion

H i, st y l e is

now Restrictive rules whomst?

By RACHEL TORGERSON

i
you likely know,
around “seasons” of
collections—and it’s
dk about
“shown” those col-
you, but for
lections at Fashion six months for it to
me, it all
Week, to buyers be “in.” Style stars
feels like a
and editors like me, started blending sea-
blur. And by
about six months sonal clothes on the
“all,” I mean,
ahead of time so street, doing boots
of course, the space-
we can make all
O R A N G E P U F F Y C O AT A N D TA N C O AT: B L A U B L U T E D I T I O N . A L L OT H E R S (10 ): G E T T Y I M A G E S .

time continuum. But and sweater vests in

our plans. But even warm weather and
also the way fashion
before COVID-19 layered slip dresses
has evolved to keep
halted clothing pro- is actually kind of
up with the times, and sandals with
duction, virtualized major. We grew up
instead of staying socks in the cold.
runway shows, and hearing that certain getting dressed for
ahead. It may seem
kept us in matching hues and textures winter versus sum-
Bear with me small, but this shift
sweats 24/7, things had a time and a mer is whether or
here. The whole not you’ll feel warm
were starting to place. As I got my
fashion industry has enough.
change. Shoppers start in the industry,
worked forever, as Another new
wanted to wear a following those rules
trend as soon as made sense, and the thing that feels
they saw it, not wait ability to preview totally right: Being
collections months able to wear items
ou do w ahead of time did year-round means
n y ha
he t
w seem great. But the less spending for you
yo
ke

uw
lo oks li

a n t.

Less spending for

t it

you and less waste

ha

for the environment.

and less waste for
the environment.
Sure, there will
always be quick
fads, but go ahead
and wear that neon
skirt this fall instead
of switching to plaid.
You’ll decide what
to wear when you
damn well please.
And doesn’t that
power feel nice?

S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 33
 f ashion

could have this splendor?

By L AUREN ADHAV

L a Vest e, $170,
l a ve st e l a ve s t e
.c o m

G anni, $325,
Cat h e rin e G e e,
g a nni.c o m
$288,
c a t h e rin e g e e
.c o m

ig sl e eve s.
w b
ne
he
t
e
ar
Big collars

F Y I ...
O ur L a d y of
N e cklines eve n has
a sp e cial “disse nt
c ollar ” she we ars
w he n she want s t o
signal disap proval,
w hic h, now t hat I
know that: same.

Àc h eval
Pamp a,
$39 0,
M an g o, net- a-
$50, p o r t e r.c o m
mango
.c o m

J.I N G, $69,
jin gus.c o m

THEY’RE
REMOVA BL E
TOO!
KIMBERLEY ROSS.

Throw t hese
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f ashion

I ’m s o l d

Should
I ’m s ke p t i c a l
leggings
just go ahead Leggings have
come a looong

and officially
way since the
stretched-out, see-
through days of

become Listen, I’m firmly

in camp Leggings
yore. Some styles
look just as fancy
as actual pants.

work wear? As Pants. But

wearing ’em
to work? Not
The most pressing question worth it. Because
of our time. ( JK.) (But still regardless of how
pressing?) you feel about
them, someone at
your job definitely
thinks they’re
unprofesh—and
that someone
may be the very
same someone
you need to
impress on the
day you decide
“these Lulus
are totally fine
with a blazer.”
Sure, comfort is
important—and
who could expect
us to return to
pants with real
buttons post-
lockdown?—but
there are other
options, friends!
Like flowy slacks
or my own go-to,
the midi skirt.
You can trust me
on this: I once
wore a pair of
Spanx leggings
while interviewing
Victoria
Beckham—
THE queen of
professional
chic—and she
said she...loved
my outfit?! (Still
basking in that
moment.) If you’re
somehow not
convinced after
that anecdote,
consider a looser
style. The wider-
leg ones I own
could fool the
strictest HR exec,
but their material
is so soft that it
feels like I’m not
wearing a damn
thing. Working
in them is like an
upgraded version
of the zillion
pantsless Zoom
B L A U B L U T E D I T I O N . H E A D S H OT S ( 2 ): R U B E N C H A M O R R O.

IF Loungewear vibes calls I did this

YO
GO U’R
NN E without the actual year.
DO A
A pa IT loungewear—or
ir w it A l e x is B e n n e t t
v is i b l hout
e s e a l ot s of the judgy elevator SHOPPING EDITOR
st e al m s is
t hy c a eyes.
h oic e
.
M a d e l e i n e Fra n k
Re e v e s
DEPUTY ARTICLES
DIRECTOR

3 6 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 Trademarks owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A., Vevey, Switzerland.

®
 b e a u t y a list of
Just

actually
l e git exc us es
for not
t a k in g o f f
yo u r m a ke u p
before bed

6.
Your remote’s
pause button is
broken and you can
either miss the Real
Housewives finale
or wash off your
beat, so.

7.
You’re now in love
with your across-
the-street neighbor
and you want to
1. look 10/10 on the
off chance that you
You are three years
lock eyes.
deep in Instagram
stalkage and can’t
lose your place. 8.
You impulsively
2. got bangs that you
4.
You’re really busy don’t know how to
You’ve been cast
with your sixth 5. style and can no
on The Bachelor
quarter-life crisis of Yo u s p e n t a s hi t longer face your
and your pristine
the week. ton of time on bathroom mirror.
contour isn’t going
an-y-where once your cat eye and
3. you step out of that a r e p o s i t i v e y o u’l l 9.
limo. You’re just never be able to
Your grandma Your cat is sleeping
here to find love, d o o n e t his c r is p
hasn’t washed her on your stomach.
a g a i n.
@ A L I S S A J A N AY

face in 54 years okay? Can’t disturb cat.

and she’s fine. Sorry.

3 8 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
b e aut y

An insider’s guide to:

nail art for laz y people
Stickers are the greatest things to happen to DIY manis since…ever.
By AMA KWARTENG

e:
1
tim
R E A g
L > y in
dr d s. 4
FA K E al on
T ot ec S M O O T
H
s
o
z er I T O U T
Stickers made
with actual polish
or pre-cured gel Use a medium-grit
polish (versus file to get rid of
plastic or film) any excess sticker
look natural, lie around your
flat, and can last edges and even
up to 14 days. out your look.

N O
TO U C 5
H I N G
! M A K E

Use tweezers ’E M S H I N E
(oily fingers =
the enemy of For bonus
stickiness) to lift points, layer on
the stickers off a clear top coat.
their backings You’ll get extra
and gently place security and a
them on each of glossier finish.
your nails.

FIT
C H E C K

Once they’re on,

M A N I C U R E A N D M O D E L : A J A WA LTO N . S T Y L E D BY A N D R E A Z E N D E J A S .

give them a min

ESE PRET
to bend to the TH TY
P
curve of your O
B
SH

nail. Then rub a

BS

Fro m l e f t:
ziplock bag over M ani M e H o t S p o t s, $25,
m a nim e.c o. A r t ips D e lil ah
them to adhere M inim a list G e l N ail S t rips,
without $7, e t s y.c o m. Co l o r St r e et
L e s s Bit t e r, M o re G lit t e r, $13,
fingerprints. c o l o rst re e t.c o m. Cia t é L o n d o n
T h e Ch e a t S h e e t s, $18,
us.cia t e l o n d o n.c o m. O li ve &
J u n e S t a rs N ail A r t S tic ke rs,
J a cquie A ic h e rin g (in d ex f in g e r), $7. 50, o live an djun e.c o m.
$1,6 50, ja c q uie aic h e.c o m.
M iss o m a rin g (rin g f in g e r), $123,
b ra c e l e t s, $103 (t o p) an d
$8 4 (b o t t o m), mis s o m a.c o m. S O U RCE: E D I TO R I A L N A I L A R T I S T
A J A WA LTO N @A JACK DA N N I E

4 0 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Photograph by AARON DURALL

 Q u e e n o f W FH
FURNITURE | OUTDOOR | UPHOLSTERY | LIGHTING | DÉCOR | RUGS | BEDDING
 b e aut y
B l a c k - o w ned
beau
are t y brands
It’s high time the masses
got in on this fab.
By JULEE WILSON
s
o, wow. It just
feels wildly
right that my
first official feature as
Cosmo’s new beauty
director [insert over-
joyed squeal] would
be about my love for
and the importance of
Black-owned beauty
brands. Because
I’m a proud Black
woman, period. And
because I’m obviously
obsessed with all
thangs beauty.
I’m not new to this,
I’m true to this, so
most of these compa-
nies have been on my
radar for a minute—
from the Fashion Fair
makeup my mother
used to wear to The
Lip Bar lipsticks that
stole my heart the sec-
ond they launched
eight years ago.
Whether the same is
true for you or you’re
seeing these brands
for the first time as
part of the #BuyBlack
movement online, it’s
4 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
here
dope beyond belief
that they’re finally
getting the wide-
spread attention they
deserve. And that in
shopping them, lots
of people are helping
to level the economic
W STAR
playing field.
Don’t get it twisted
though: Buying Black
goes beyond activ-
ism. Sure, it feels
good to contribute to
H E R E TO
T h e n ex t p a g e! B u t
a l s o: H e a d o nlin e f o r
o u r ~f ull list~ of 125
B l a c k- ow n e d b e a u t y
b ran ds t o s h o p r n
a n d f o reve r.
y y
to slay
They most definitely
are.
And—it kind of
goes without saying,
but I’m gonna say it
anyway—these prod-
ucts are for *every-
one*. “Black-owned”
doesn’t necessarily
mean “just for Black
people.” Unless some-
thing specifically says
it’s made for deeper
skin tones or Afro-
centric hair, anyone
can consider it theirs
or even an upgrade.
In my humble opin-
ion, all people with
dry skin could use
some of Hanahana
Beauty’s Shea Body
Butter. Everyone with-
out a soul-mate serum
should add Aba Love
Apothecary’s Flower
Crown Brightening
Facial version to their
list. And 241 Cosmet-
ic’s Double Trouble
the financial growth
Mascara can defi-
of the Black commu-
nitely get any set of
nity (while denying
lashes into formation.
A R T H U R B E L E B E A U/ T R U N K A R C H I V E .
your dough to compa-
I could go on (and
nies that have done
on and on) about
little in the way of
how there are just so
allyship). But it’s
many equal-opportu-
T also important to
nity beautifiers that
recognize Black-
can get you right
owned brands as
from head to toe.
amazing enough to
be mentioned along-
side the mass brands
we see all the time.
 Absorbs

faster than Always ®*

Up to 9 hours Xpress-DRI® protection and

dermatologist tested to be gentle on skin,

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Period or not,

*vs Always Infinity Size 1; 3x faster conducted by U by Kotex Bench Test, 5/16/19 ubykotex.com
b e aut y

6
And I pretty much 1 Mented
will: The Cosmo Organic Cosmetics

beauty squad is Bath Co. 4

It’s no surprise that
This brand’s mantra is Oyin this collection—
hell-bent on making Handmade

Just as good as any…

“Clean. Not compli- launched by two Har-
sure this is abun-
cated.” and a testa- Its all-organic line is vard grads—is
dantly clear—not handmade and
ment to its no-frills, brilliantly beautiful.
just with round- all-fab products. hand-packaged in
Mented Cosmetics Blush
ups like this one Baltimore. i n Pe a c h f o r t h e S t a r s,

and bet ter than many.

O r g a n i c B a t h C o. B a r
$2 2, m e n t e d
(although definitely S o a p i n Pe a c e f u l l, $8, O yin Handmade Honey c o s m e t i c s .c o m
o r g a n i c b a t h.c o Hemp Detangling
with roundups like & Moisturizing
7
this one!) but also 2 C o n d i t i o n e r, $14,
o y i n h a n d m a d e.c o m Sienna
with continuing Uoma Beauty
Naturals
coverage aimed If head-turning makeup 5
All these formulas are
at celebrating the is your thing, get your Pholk
Beauty hyper focused on
unique beauty of hands on this massive
helping you get your
line of goodies. Beware, beauties.
all our readers. healthiest-ever hair
These products
And finally, this Uoma Beaut y Badass and scalp.
Icon Mat te Lipstick inspired by African
is the point in the i n W h i t n e y, ingredients and ritu- Sienna Naturals Plant
$2 4, u l t a .c o m Po w e r Ve g a n P r o t e i n
program where als are addictive in a n d M o i s t u r e Re p a i r
I send you off to 3 the BEST way. H a i r M a s k , $28,
s i e n n a n a t u r a l s .c o m
shop these badass Oui the People Pholk Beaut y Glow
Re p l e n i s h i n g Fa c e
brands so you can Most folks come for the
Wa s h, $20,
8

fall as deeply in cult-fave single-blade p h o l k b e a u t y.c o m Mischo

Beauty
love with them as razor and stay for the
fancy body products. Vegan-friendly,
I have. Have fun
cruelty-free, gluten-
(and stay woke)! O u i t h e Pe o p l e F e a t h e r-
weight Hydrating Body free polish that looks
G l o s s, $ 6 5, as lovely and lasts
o u i t h e p e o p l e .c o m
as long as the
regular stuff does.
5 Mischo Beaut y Lacquer
i n B a b y L o v e, $20,
m i s c h o b e a u t y.c o m
2

7
S T Y L E D BY M E G U M I E M OTO F O R A N D E R S O N H O P K I N S .

u’l l t a ke
Yo
8
on
eo
fe !
ver y vm
t h i n g, t y

4 4 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Ph o t o g r a p h by CO R E Y M AY WA LT
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b e aut y

couldn’t leave You just

your face alone

(again)—here’s how to fix it
LOL, your skin texted
and it’s piiissed.
By CHLOE METZGER

the
~Y I K E S ~

You piled on

o ok re d?
the acids

face l
“Acids break down
my and dissolve dead
ake

skin cells, which is

em

good—until you use

fir

too much and literally

is
h
st

erode the top layer

oe
D

of your skin, leaving

you with a raw face,”
says dermatologist
Mona Gohara, MD.

the F I X

Stop using anything

harsh. Your routine
is now a cleanser, a
moisturizer, and…
Vaseline. “It cre-
ates a protective

h
barrier that helps
rebuild and heal
wounded skin,” says
Dr. Gohara. Morn-
ing and night after
i, I know: Now *did* seem scary peel pads that kinda (definitely) smell moisturizing, dab a
like an excellent time to com- like really acidic acid? Congrats! Your sanity thin layer over your
pletely and radically alter is burning—why not your face too?! irritated areas (no,
your skincare routine. So you Okay, so in hindsight, maybe doing all it won’t clog your
slathered on that weird, prob- the things was not the best idea (don’t worry, pores). Then be
ably expired cream your aunt gave you two not even beauty editors are immune). But patient. “Your skin
years ago? Nice! Restarted the retinol that there’s good news: I know exactly what you will take about 28
destroyed your skin last time around but who need to calm your shit down and get back to days to regenerate,”
cares now? Sure! LOADED UP on those sorta your regularly scheduled non-skin freakouts. says Dr. Gohara.

4 8 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Illustrations by T YLER SPANGLER

 b e aut y

the F I X
the the
~Y I K E S ~ ~Y I K E S ~
the See a dermatologist
~Y I K E S ~ (i.e., not Google). That said, if you can’t
“POD can look get to a derm rn
You went You used like a lot of things, and you’re okay play-
ing a little game of
HA M with ~ever y single including tiny red,
risk, try dabbing a
retinol You hard-core product~ and slightly itchy
bumps around benzoyl peroxide
picked your now you’re your mouth, eyes, spot treatment (like La
“Retinoids speed up
the shedding of your face breaking out and nose, making Roche-Posay Effaclar
skin cells to create it really hard to Duo, $20, laroche-
As in you attacked
newer, fresher skin,” Rude. But hold up— self-diagnose,” says posay.us) over half of
every tiny, invisible
says Dr. Gohara. This that breakout may Dr. Gohara. And the bumps every night
pore that nobody
process is usually not actually be acne. using the wrong for a few days. If they
but you noticed and
great—but when you “Using a ton of new products can make start to fade, keep
now you’re covered
use too much or a products all at once it worse, like throw- going! But if they
in swollen bumps
too-strong dose, “the can trigger perioral ing oil on a fire. grow more inflamed
and oozing patches.
shedding surpasses dermatitis, or POD, or spread, try calling
Amazing.
the growth, and which is basically if a derm (or doing a
you’re left with flakes acne and eczema had telemedicine visit) for
the F I X
and irritation.” an inflamed baby,” a prescription topical
says Dr. Gohara. antibiotic.
the F I X Cleanse your skin.
Then, to speed up
Ca
healing and mini- nt
his
Intense hydration is ha
mize scarring, stick nd
your BFF. Dab on f
a pimple patch

ol
lo
a hyaluronic acid

w
(like COSRX Pimple

me
serum (try L’Oréal Master Patch, $6,

eve
Paris Revitalist Derm ulta.com) over any

ryw
Intensives 1.5% Pure area that’s leaking

here?
Hyaluronic Acid or bleeding. If you

Thx.
Serum, $30, drug- squeezed a cystic zit
stores), then slap on and made it a hun-
a sheet mask (like dred times worse,
SheaMoisture Coco- hold a paper-towel-
nut Oil Instant Hydra- wrapped ice cube
tion Gel Mask, $5, on and off for 10
drugstores) and let minutes, and “dab
it all sit for 10 min- on 1 percent hydro-
utes. Repeat for two cortisone cream
to three days until to help decrease
the flakes are gone inflammation and
(don’t pick or you’ll swelling,” says Dr.
risk scarring!), says Gohara. Then hands
Dr. Gohara. And lay off until…forever.
off your retinol until
your skin is healed,
then reintroduce it
slowly: Apply it two
nights a week for two
“Your skin takes
weeks, three nights a about 28 days to
week for three weeks,
then every other night regenerate.”
indefinitely.

S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 49
 b e aut y

.
p es
ty

Ch o os e yo u r ow n
in
sk
ll
ra
fo

a t - h o m e h air -
fe
sa
is
ser
e la

r e m ova l a d ve nt u r e
lit tl
ute
his c

On a scale of 1 to
P. S . T

hairless cat, how far

1
are you willing to go?
LASERING
By RUBY BUDDEMEYER It’s pricey, but a
good laser (like the
one at left) will help
destroy hair follicles.
Just be ready for
some intense
pinching and heat. 4

Braun Silk- E x p e r t E P I L AT I N G 6
Pro 5, $330,
a m a zo n.c o m Epilators—equipped
TRIMMING
Which areas are your with a ton of little
number one priorities tweezers on a K, so this won’t
spinner—work by leave you totally
for hair removal?
plucking out hairs at hairless (like, say,
START an electric razor
the roots. They’re
TBH, Usually just great for bigger would), but
How ambitious are you when it everywhere— large areas, surface areas. Just it’s an excellent
comes to canceling body hair? I like to get like my legs note: Patience and method for
pain tolerance are managing body
my face, or arms.
required (it kinda hair without any
pits, legs,
LOL, I’m…not? I’ll do feels like snapping pain or irritation.
the works. 4
I’ll pluck a few whatever it rubber bands...fun). Look for a cordless
2
rogue ones if takes to get the trimmer with a
Re min g t o n S m o o t h
and when I need job done. WA X I N G & Sil k y Es s e ntial
few attachments
to, and that’s Epil a t o r, $ 4 5, that target
Waxing won’t stop
wal m a r t.c o m specific areas.
kind of it. your hair from
Let ’s talk pain: How much
ever growing back, Philips Bikini
7 can you actually handle? Pe r f e c t A d van c e d
but it *will* keep Bikini Trimm e r,
your skin soft and $30, t a rg e t.c o m
Fine, I’m As long as smooth for up to
kind of a it works and six weeks—for a
v affordable price.
Is your skin sensitive? wimp. gets rid of
my body Fl amin g o B o d y
3 Wa x Kit, $10,
hair, I’m t a rg e t.c o m
Nope! A thousand times willing to
Honestly, it’s yes. I’m prone to suffer.
unusually bumps, cuts, and
resilient. ingrown hairs.
5
6
S H AV I N G
If you want
Would you spend more smooth-AF skin 7
QQ: Would you rather $$$ if it meant your hair but aren’t willing
S T Y L E D BY M E G U M I E M OTO F O R A N D E R S O N H O P K I N S .

would grow back slower? 3 to carve out a TWEEZING

spend a long time removing
chunk of your day If you can’t
hair for longer-lasting SUGARING
to get it, shaving really be bothered,
results or spend less time but Smooth a sugaring
Not if it Definitely. is your go-to. All it’s best to stick
need to retouch often? paste over your skin,
means My ambition you need is a to basics: a
knows no quickly rip it off a few gentle razor and
cutting into good ol’ pair of
seconds later, and 10ish minutes in
I can get I’d rather go my future bounds. tweezers. A slanted
it’ll pluck out your the shower. tip will help you
suuuper all in. I wanna car-house-
1 hairs like a wax (the grab stray hairs
antsy, so be hairless wine fridge S chic k H yd ro Silk
feeling is similar but 5 Ra zo r, $16, more easily than the
I prefer for as long savings. d r u gs t o re s; O ui
slightly less burny). other kinds.
something as humanly t h e Pe o p l e T h e
2 S u g a r M e S m o ot h Sin gl e Ros e G o l d Twe eze r m an Pink
quick. possible.
B o d y H air Re m oval S e nsit ive S kin Pe r f e c t io n S l ant
Syst e m, $ 42, Ra zo r, $75, o ui Twe eze r, $23,
5 t h e p e o p l e.c o m s e p h o ra.c o m
revo l ve.c o m

5 0 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Ph o t o g r a p h by CO R E Y M AY WA LT
 PROMOTION

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b e aut y

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Ph o t o g r a p h by CO R E Y M AY WA LT
5 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Illustration by SARAH MADDEN
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b e aut y
W hy is eve r yo n e
sk ip p in g t o n e r?
Truly the liquid treat your face deser ves.
u
By LAUREN BALSAMO
ntil recently,
I, too, consid-
ered toner to
be BS. An
unnecessary
add-on in an already
confusing skincare
world. Like, no, I
don’t need to clean
my already clean
face with some
dribbly fluid, tyvm.
But here’s the
thing: Toner—pro-
vided you use one
that’s alcohol-free
and made for your
skin type—is actually
pretty wonderful. I
learned this IRL after
finally working one
into my routine, just
to see, and watching
my skin suddenly look
really good. Plump,
soft, dewy good.
Toner’s genius is
that it has a slightly
acidic pH, which
helps balance your
skin’s own hugely
important pH—some-
thing that can be
thrown off by any-
thing from face
soap to pollution,
says derm Dendy
Engelman, MD. “If
your skin’s pH is out
of whack, it can lead
to redness, acne, and
5 4 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
4 OPTIONS
WORTH
YOUR $
IF
YO U H AV E
oily or acne-
prone skin
The 2 percent sali-
cylic acid in this
exfoliating toner
dissolves excess oil
in pores to keep your
skin breakout-free.
Farm a c y D e e p Swe e p
2% B H A Po re -
Cl e anin g To n e r, $28,
s e p h o ra.c o m
YO U H AV E
IF
dr y skin
This ultra-moistur-
izing toner softens
skin and boosts its
protective barrier for
all-day hydration.
L an eig e Cre am S kin
To n e r an d M oist u rize r,
$33, s e p h o ra.c o m
YO U H AV E
IF
sensitive skin
your product routine.
Soothe redness
“Because damp skin and irritation with
is more receptive to this elderberry-
active ingredients, infused option. It’s
clutch for reducing
putting on serums or
dryness,” she inflammation.
creams immediately
explains. “A good Re n é e Ro ul e au El d e r-
after toning will b e r r y S o o t hin g To n e r,
toner will keep your $36. 50, re n e e
make them work bet-
pH around 5.5—the ro u l e a u.c o m
ter,” says Rouleau.
sweet spot for a
can help remove any So, to recap:
healthy glow.” Most YO U H AV E
harsh minerals or Toner isn’t just “fancy IF
formulas also have
chemicals found in water for your face,” dull skin
ingredients like
S T Y L E D BY M E G U M I E M OTO F O R A N D E R S O N H O P K I N S .
tap water that build something I have
hydrating hyaluronic
up on your skin and definitely said more
acid and exfoliating A combo of brighten-
cause inflammation,” than once in my life
AHAs and BHAs ers, like niacinamide
says celebrity facial- (oops). I’m sorry it and vitamin-C-rich
to help with issues
ist Renée Rouleau. took me a minute to Barbados cherry,
like dryness and
Think of it as a final helps fade dark spots
realize—then tell you
hyperpigmentation. for a serious glow.
rinse for your face about—its greatness,
The perks don’t Fe nt y S k in Fa t Wa t e r
and the first step in but better late than Po re - Re f inin g
stop there. “Using a To n e r S e r um, $28,
never, right?
toner post-cleanse f e nt yskin.c o m
Ph o t o g r a p h by CO R E Y M AY WA LT
 ©2020 Procter & Gamble

get your
on
 l i f e Just
a list of

wa ys yo u c a n p r e t e n d
it ’s st i l l su m m e r
By SARAH WELDON

1. 3. 5. 6. 8. 10.
Get a kiddie Just…buy a white- Order Dip everything you Or buy a bag of Flex your Photoshop
pool for your noise machine and corn dogs eat in BBQ sauce. sand and hide skills and
roof slash living pretend it’s A/C. in bulk. pinches of it in all pretend you spent
room. 7. your jeans pockets your summer
4.
and tote bags. vacationing in Paris.
Sit in a sandbox
2. Wear aerosol and listen to Kid
Swallow a sunscreen Cudi like you’re 9.
watermelon seed as perfume. 16 and your heart Eat Oreos with
so you’ll become just got broken. peanut butter in
a watermelon l o n g, my your pillow fort and
So sw
and have endless make believe you’re
ee

watermelon for at Camp Walden.

ts
w e a t.

life.
o f.
wo
…

W st
oof ju
. Literally

5 6 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Ph o t o g r a p h by A L L I E H O L LOWAY

lif e

THE

f lu f f iest p an c akes
THE
INGREDIENTS

2 egg yolks
4 egg whites

OF YOUR FREAKIN’ LIFE

Pancakes for dinner tonight, ever y night,

¼ cup sugar
½ cup milk
¾ cup pancake mix
2 3.5-inch metal ring
molds or cookie
forever and ever amen.

cutters

W h a t ? Yo u d o
n
By AHAD SANWARI

’t

ea
tg
THE RECIPE

lit t
er sy r up?
1.
In a bowl, whisk
together the egg
yolks, sugar, milk,
and pancake
mix until the batter
is smooth.

2.
In a separate bowl,
use a hand mixer (or
a whisk and lots of
ambition) to beat the
egg whites until
they’re fluffy. They
should form THICK
peaks. Gently (seri-
ously, gently) fold the
egg whites into the
batter with a spatula.

3.
Ad a p t e d f ro m
Place a pan on the
a re cip e by A l vin Zh o u
stove over low heat.
o f B uz z Fe e d Tast y. Set two greased
Fin d m o re of his molds or cookie cut-
re cip e s o n Tast y ’s ters in the center of
Yo uTu b e c h a n n e l, a n d the pan and fill each
c h e c k o u t his sh ow, about 75 percent of
the way with batter.
M a kin g I t Big.
Cover the pan and
wait 10 minutes,
or until the centers of
the pancakes are
slightly jiggly. Flip
’em over, cover, and
wait 5 more minutes.

4.
Adorn with fruit or
syrup or butter or all
of the above.
F O O D S T Y L E D BY D R E W A I C H E L E .

5 8 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Photograph by CHELSEA KYLE

It’s not bribery. It’s Potato Pay.
lif e

Is t his t h e Yo u h a v e 2 0 p e r c e n t
of your dream pad’s

b est t im e eve r purchase price ready to

go for a down payment
(so if the place costs
$200,000, you’d need

t o b u y a h o us e
$40,000 in cash). And
enough savings to live
for eight months if you
suddenly lost your job,

o r n a h?
says personal finance
expert Suze Orman
(that’d look like around
$24,000 if you make
$3,000 a month).
Hi, renters! Let’s discuss. Anything less and you’ll
struggle if your new sink
By ALEXIS BENNETT
explodes or you lose
some income.

A n d y o u m a ke
e n o u g h to pay your
mortgage, property
taxes, and home
insurance after you
settle in without dipping
into said savings, says
Orman. Use an online
tool (she has one at
SuzeOrman.com) to
calculate your monthly
mortgage payment, then
add on 45 percent of that
number. So if you get a
30 -year mortgage with
These mortgage discounts > the shoe clearance rack at Marshalls.

a 3 percent interest rate

on the aforementioned
founder Yolanda palace, you’d pay $675-
Michelle about one ish a month; 45 percent
of that is about $304.
of the ways the gov-
Add them up and you get
ernment is attempt- $979. If you can swing
ing to stimulate the that much each month
economy. Less inter- and still have enough for
general life stuff, you’re
even a remote possi- est means you’ll have set. No? Keep saving.
bility, it’s not one to pay the bank less
I’m going to sleep money in the end. A n d a n d y o u r FI C O
on. Which is why Now for the real- s c o r e i s 76 0 or higher.
I’m out here report- ity check: Unemploy- This is kind of like a
credit score that tells
ing this little article ment is at an all-time
lenders how well you
for me all of us. high, and almost no manage debt (aka if
The good news: one who’s lucky you’re trustworthy
The two-bed, two- enough for them to loan
enough to still have
a bunch of money to).
If there’s one thing bath you’ve been a job is immune It’s possible to get a
my mama taught me, eyeing might legit from pay cuts or mortgage with a lower
it’s to always look for be a reality. “A layoffs, so it’s not score, but banks reward
fiscally responsible folks
a silver lining. And major pro of pur- *all* upside out
with better interest rates,
right now, there chasing a home there, says Fenaba which, reminder, is what
(shockingly) is one: right now is a lower R. Addo, PhD, asso- you want.
Mortgages are more mortgage interest ciate professor of
affordable than they rate,” explains Insti- money, relation- And here we are.
have been in a looong tute for Economic ships, and equality If you’re nodding,
time. I hate that it took Research Studies at the University you might be in
a pandemic for us to of Wisconsin at position to jump
get here, but if being Madison. Whether on the discounts. If
able to actually buy a buying is right for not, well, at least
place of my own is you depends on if… you have this plan.

6 0 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Illustration by KHADIJAH HORTON

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lif e

Appear edgy
wh
ile

*f
ee
lin
g* l
By FR E YA D RO H A N

ess on edge
.
help with anxiet y? Or do they just look really chic?
and can they honestly

We all *thought* we
were anxious in 2019.
Then 2020 hit like
a ’90s infomercial,
reminding us: But
wait, there’s more!
Now, physically sepa-
rated from the people, HOW
places, and therapists DO I EAR
we love, we’re sud- SEED?
denly very interested
in appointment- and
prescription-free anxi- have used this form STEP 1
ety treatments. Even if of auricular therapy Swipe your ear
those treatments are to combat our good with rubbing
basically…jewelry. friend anxiety and alcohol to remove
Specifically, the also pain, insomnia, any oils.
ear seeds

stick-on ear constel- But it (probs)

and more. The idea
lation kits blowing up d o e s n’t h u r t t o t r y
is that by taping the
on IG and Amazon STEP 2
seeds (traditionally Okay, so scientific
rn—and in acupunctur- Grab tweezers
actual flower seeds, data on the effective-
and pick up a
ists’ DMs. Mona Dan hence ze name) on ness is still inconclu-
sticky seed, plac-
of ear-seed-maker Vie specific ear pressure ing it on one of sive, says Eric First,
Healing says prospec- points and then press- the spots above. MD, a fellow at the
tive buyers have been ing on them, you’re
(Or look online for American Institute of
late-night messaging other ear maps.)
sending therapeutic Stress. But! Paying W O M A N : G E T T Y I M A G E S . E A R S E E D S: C O U R T E S Y E A R S E E D S , E A R S E E D S .C O M .

her about them since energy to correspond- attention to how you

April, wondering just ing areas of the body. feel, noticing that you
how—and how well— Basically, gently push- STEP 3 need something, and
they work. Here’s the ing a seed—modern Call it good or attending to yourself
answer. add as many more
versions include in the moment *is* a
as you want.
mindfulness exercise,
What are

magnetic metal or
T h e y ’r e n o t ( s u p e r ) sticky crystal studs— and mindfulness can
science-backed into your skin mid- absolutely reduce
STEP 4
For decades, Chinese- freak-out (or anytime, stress, says Klein.
Gently apply pres-
medicine practitioners really) and leaving sure and wait for So if you’re down
and acupuncturists it there for up to five ~the feels~ to hit to spend cash on
within five minutes. something that maybe
days could help chill
you out, says Jessica S O U R C E: M O N A DA N ,
AC U P U N C T U R I S T A N D
works, go for it. But if
FOUNDER OF VIE HEALING
Klein, lead acupunc- you’re in need of legit
turist at Area 25 in mental health therapy,
New York City. stick to the real thing.

6 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 1 in 2 kids is underhydrated.
-American Journal of Public Health

Access to Creative Roots has

been clinically shown to increase
hydration levels in children.

1g of sugar
Taste kids love
Plant-powered hydration

1
Harvard School of Public Health article
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Dr. Douglas Casa, “Nutrition, Urinary Markers and Sleep Habits in Children”
lif e
Diet companies are banking on you
feeling sh*tt y about your
post-isolation body
s
ome states
were barely
one week
deep into
lockdown when
“quarantine 15”
jokes arrived on the
socials. Maybe the
meme fairies were
just trying to make a
lighthearted joke
while the world
burned, but the
punch line threw
shade we really
didn’t need. The pos-
sibility that we could
look different after
an uncontrollable
virus took over the
world was hilarious,
apparently. El oh el,
amirite?
And it should sur-
prise exactly no one
that the weight-loss
industry immediately
jumped on quaran-
tine as a marketing
tool. A random sam-
pling of seven diet
companies’ Insta-
gram posts between
March 12 and July
14 found that at least
20 percent—and
up to 80 percent—
of the brands’ con-
tent used threats of
stay-at-home weight
gain to sell us their
products.
6 4 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
PSA:
No one:
Them: Let’s flat ten the cur ve of your stomach!
By ASHLEY OERMAN
If you’re thinking, isn’t a solid measure
Who cares?! Busi- told “now is the time” of health. Plus,
nesses want to make to trim down can weight loss alone
money and I’ll hand a lot of us, and it’s undo important won’t make you
it over if they help fine to just enjoy it. progress. healthier. What will:
me lose my quaran- By posting Look, it’s true that a relationship with
tine weight! then aggressive pep talks excess weight is food that doesn’t
(1) all these words on grabbing this associated with involve calorie math,
are for you, boo. chance to perfect many health condi- restrictive eating, or
And (2) using food to our bodies, diet com- tions, but the proven working out just to
cope in tense times is panies also trigger biological connec- burn off snacks.
a very normal reac- setbacks in disor- tions aren’t crystal I’m not saying you
tion (and, honestly, dered eating. For clear. We don’t yet need to magically
a privilege). people trying to deal know what exactly fall in love with the
We shouldn’t feel with legitimate leads to what, and way your thighs look
weak or lazy for stress-induced eat- being overweight in shorts rn (they do
practicing a little ing disorders, being look good tho!). The
Doritos self-care. key to dismantling a
Soothing ourselves system that makes $
shouldn’t lead to a off your insecurities
negative self-talk spi- is ID’ing diet thirst
ral. “It’s hard enough traps and excluding
to block out body- yourself from that
image concerns in a narrative. When
normal time,” says you’re no longer
human COVID-19 convinced your body
survival kit (and my is a problem, the
actual therapist) problem is solved.
Rachel Gersten,
LMHC. “Now, most
of what we’d nor-
mally turn to is
Th
e
on
gone.” Food as com-
ly
fort is what’s left, for
we
igh
t I c
are
ab
Please contact the National
ou
Eating Disorders Association
t,
(NEDA) help line at
TB
H
800-931-2237 if you believe …
.
you or someone you love
is struggling with an eating
disorder and needs help.
For crisis situations, text
“NEDA” to 741741 to be con-
nected with a trained volun-
teer at the Crisis Text Line.
I l l u s t r a t i o n b y D ’A R A N A Z A R YA N
Your squad has arrived

The fragrance collection ser ved by

lif e

numbers are also down is

a more responsible
way to travel, says
Manisha Juthani, MD,
an infectious diseases
expert at Yale School of
Medicine. Just keep in
mind that whatever your
plans—and even if you • Road-tripping using gas-
take every precaution— station bathrooms.
your trip could result in • Driving and staying
someone (including you) at an Airbnb.
getting sick. • Driving and staying
at a hotel.
What if I tested • Flying anywhere
domestically.
positive for
• Flying anywhere
C O V I D -19 a n t i b o d -
internationally.
i es o r I ’ve r e c ov- • Taking a cruise.
ered from the
v i r u s? A m I i n t h e Helpful! But what
clear to go any- if I have to travel
where I want? to (or from) a
“Probably not,” says place with high
Dr. Juthani. Studies sug- C O V I D -19 c a s e s ?
gest that the antibodies
First, think about if you
last for only a short
sincerely *have* to. If
period of time, so it’s
you got sick, you’d be
very possible that you
putting more stress on the
could contract the virus
health care system. So
again. That’s a risk to you
consider canceling any
and all the people you
non-necessary trip if your

11 ver y valid
travel with.
state or destination has a
positive rate near 10 per-
O k a y, s o w h a t ’s cent or higher. (You can

Qs you have about the absolute safest

t ype of vacation
for anyone to take
check all 50 states’ rates
at Coronavirus.JHU.edu.)

traveling again right now?

You mean besides stay-
I do need to
travel for a family
ing home and kickin’ it in emergency but
Get ready for RVs to take over your IG feed. your kiddie pool? c a n’t st a y w i t h my
By CARINA HSIEH Bc that’s truly the safest. a c t u a l f a m i l y. Yo u
Generally, though, the sure we can trust
Is it just shitt y more time you spend h o m e r e n t a l s?
for me to take a indoors with other
people, the higher your It all comes down to the
trip before a
risk of catching or host’s cleaning proce-
v a c c i n e e x i s t s? dures (so always ask for
U?
HB spreading the virus.
So…yes. Jetting off to hit lots of details). But rent-
s,

Here’s Dr. Juthani’s

e ach swing

the clurb with a big ranking of options, from ing out an entire home is
group of friends is highly least to most sketchy: less risky than shacking
shitty. But traveling from up at a hotel with what
• Road-tripping in an RV
db

a state with low COVID- could be lots of other

Mo

d- with your own bathroom.

ar

ky
o

bo 19 cases, renting an RV travelers who are all

M A R KO/S TO C K S Y.

arding bac
with the people you using unavoidable
already live with, and shared common areas
road-tripping to an like elevators, restau-
isolated-ish place where rants, and lobbies.

6 8 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 Whatever your plans,
your trip could result
in someone get ting
sick—even if you take
ever y precaution.
What if their
t ow n d o e s n’t h a ve
r e n t a l s?
If you have to stay at a
hotel, touchless check-in
is a good idea, as is
bringing your own
wipes and using them
on surfaces like remotes,
doorknobs, and the
toilet flush handle. Spend
as little time in lobbies
as possible, and try to
stand in the corner of the
elevator when you need
to get to/from your room.
This’ll keep you from
breathing the most traf-
ficked air. Dr. Juthani
also suggests turning
down turndown service
and room cleaning to
limit your exposure to
others (and theirs to you).
Is it safe to use
pools and hot tubs
w h i l e I ’m t h e r e ?
While the water itself is
safe, says Dr. Juthani, the
proximity to other ppl
inside the locker room or
around the pool does
pose a risk. If you can’t
resist, sit or swim away
from anyone in the pool.
Will it ever be
safe to take
a c r u i s e a g a i n?
Someday, post-vaccine
or when a more effective
COVID-19 therapy exists,
yes, says Dr. Juthani. But
for now, be prepared to
love you some road trips.
G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ).
Asking for a
f r i e n d …w h a t i f
I found a really
good deal on
an international
flight?
Welp, as of publication
time, Americans aren’t
even allowed into the
European Union and are
restricted from entering
some other countries.
Besides that, spending
hours on a flight is high-
key risky rn (and the
longer any flight, interna-
tional or domestic, the
higher the chance of
infection). Also, if you get
sick abroad, it’s unclear
if you’d face problems
coming back to the U.S.
“I wouldn’t take a risk
going overseas right now
if I didn’t absolutely have
to,” says Dr. Juthani.
Fine, but what
if I have a legit
reason to fly?
If you’re booking essen-
tial travel, get a window
seat. That’s your safest
option since you won’t be
as exposed to people
walking up and down the
aisle. Mask up before
you get to the airport and
don’t take it off until you
land. Also, go to the rest-
room before the flight to
avoid waiting in line
once in the air. If there’s
no line, the restroom on
the plane should be safe.
(As for the bathroom in
the airport, Dr. Juthani
says don’t stand close to
others, and turn away
ASAP when you flush—
there’s a theoretical risk
of infection from “toilet
plume”…lovely!)
Ye a h , I ’m j u s t n o t
comfy traveling
a t a l l t h i s y e a r.
Can I ask my
employer to roll
over my expiring
v a c a y d a y s?
You can try! Say some-
thing like, “I know we
normally don’t allow
vacation time rollover,
but this year is unusual
in that most of us can’t
travel. Could you
make a one-time excep-
tion to allow our days
from 2020 to carry
over to 2021?” says
Alison Green of the
AskAManager.org blog
and advice column
(@AskAManager). If
the request comes from
a group of your col-
leagues, it will have more
weight, so go ahead
and round up all your
wanderlust-y coworkers
for a cause.
S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 71
lif e

UP
L

E
V
Even you can make this

LE
Congratulations on

indestructible becoming a plant parent!

It’s not always this easy!
By SARAH WELDON

herb garden

EP 1

ST
Take some sprigs of
almost any herb
(think: basil, chives,
mint, thyme, oreg-
ano) and pluck the
leaves off their lower
stems. Then cut each
We all deserve stem base at a
45-degree angle.
the magic that
is fresh basil on EP 2

ST
Stick your sprigs in
a large pile of
cups or jars of tap or
tomatoes and filtered water so that
mozz—without the stems are fully
submerged. Place
the tender them in a spot with
patience it lots of sunlight and
wait a couple of
takes to raise weeks for your itty
an entire plant. stalks to ~magically~
grow roots and more
And now, leaves. Pro tip: Swap
because out the water when it
starts looking gross.
nature, water,
and these EP 3
E.

ST

genius instruc- Move your bbs to

RIIIV

larger vessels as they

tions exist, you grow. (See: those
TH

can create a 291 rando jars

s,

you’re hoarding.)
tie

v simple (and
et

pr
my also v cute) EP 4
e,
ST

T h r i v Snip as needed for

garden in, like,
cooking and
10 minutes. cocktails.
Here, let me
help you help
your herb
children grow
into strong,
independent,
edible adults….

7 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Ph o t o g r a p h by A L L I E H O L LOWAY

 a s t r o
A st r o l o g y c a n
h e l p us
h e a l ri ght n ow
The cosmic answer to this dumpster fire of a year.
By A DA M A S ESAY

(your Moon = in
charge of your emo-
tions), catering
directly to my cre-
ative Leo Moon’s
needs by tuning into
live DJ streams, danc-
At this point, it ’s ing, and trying to find
obvious we’ll never moments of joy even
forget 2020. As a on the hardest days.
Black woman, living We still have
in the middle of all months left in the
these simultaneous year, and I have
crises has meant hope for the time
re-confronting my that remains. 2020
own traumas around doesn’t have to be
race and being canceled—use what
thrust into a journey you learn in the
of self-reflecting, following pages to
growing, and trans- create a foundation
forming that, at that will last your
times, feels out of my whole life. I encour-
control. And it hurts age you, espe-
like hell. cially
One thing that is if you are a
helping me work Astrology is Black
through this pain: about so much woman,
astrology. Especially more than your to dive
in terms of under- grew my business deeper
horoscope.
standing how to (hi, come visit me at into under-
care for myself—and corn forecasted that a LilithAstrology.com!) standing not
especially because profound shift was beyond what I act of only your birth
it’s allowed me to coming. I used that thought I could self-care. chart but how the
plan ahead. knowledge as well accomplish, focused These days, I’m planetary energies
Like most astrolo- as the energy from on my finances, and trying to pinpoint affect you too. It can
gers, I knew this Jupiter, the planet of mentally grounded how upcoming plan- help you process and
year was going to good fortune, being myself. I now realize etary energies will find a way forward.
be rough. January’s in its home sign, Sag- that what I was doing, affect my life and The universe knows
@ E M I LY LY N N D E S I G N

Pluto/Saturn con- ittarius, for most of thanks to astrology, how to keep that self- you deserve it.
junction in Capri- 2019 to build myself was actually a radical care going. I’ve been
up. I proactively paying special atten-
tion to my Moon sign

7 4 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 I llust r a t io ns by EM I LY PE R E L M A N


Y O U R S E P T E M B E R
H O R O S C O P E
ARIES
( 0 3. 21– 0 4 .19)
Work is taking over until Venus enters
Leo on the 6th. Then you’ve got a v hot
sec of romance before Mars retro-
grades in your sign on the 9th. Wait it
out till Libra season starts on the 22nd.
CANCER
( 0 6. 21– 07. 2 2)
You’ve been supes busy, but Mer-
cury entering Libra on the 5th and
Venus entering Leo on the 6th help
you relax in time for Mercury sliding
into sexy Scorpio (yesss) on the 27th.
LIBRA
( 0 9. 23 –10. 2 2)
Your job’s been UGH, but Mercury in
your sign helps you think clearly and
Venus in Leo gives your social life a
shot of tequila. Your love life might get
messy, but your crew is there for you.
SAGITTARIUS
(11. 2 2–12. 21)
Mars Retrograde starts on the 9th, and
you’re feeling like a golden retriever
trying to get people to play with you…
they’re just not interested. Stay posi-
tive, Sag—this too shall pass.
AQUARIUS
( 01. 20 – 0 2.18 )
You’re starting the month in your feels.
But soon, Mercury entering Libra and
@ E M I LY LY N N D E S I G N
Venus entering Leo give you an energy
boost. Mars Retrograde on the 9th may
bring drama, but it won’t be too bad.
By JAKE REGISTER
TAURUS
( 0 4 . 20 – 0 5. 20 )
Early September is *chef’s kiss* for
you, especially re: sex. But then Mer-
cury in Libra + Venus in Leo + Mars
Retrograde = blegh. Things will start
looking up again around the 27th.
LEO
( 07. 23 – 0 8. 2 2)
We know work stuff has been getting
you down, but cosmic action in Libra
means that dramz is fading. Even bet-
ter, Venus is in your sign almost all
month, making your love life thrive.
SCORPIO
(10. 23 –11. 21)
Virgo season helps you and your ride-
or-dies reconnect, but once Mars Ret-
rograde starts on September 9, your
motivation all but disappears and
work gets extra demanding (sry, bb!).
CAPRICORN
(12. 2 2– 01.19)
This month is a tad hectic—and Mars
Retrograde on September 9 is causing
all kinds of chaos at home. Address
each problem directly and maybe, uh,
learn to compromise a little.
PISCES
( 0 2.19 – 0 3. 20 )
September is all about love—and as
the Bachelor-fantasy-date vibe ebbs,
the Bachelor-fantasy-suite vibe flows.
Mars Retrograde is making your work
life hell, so TG for all the great sex!
ast rolo g y
GEMINI
( 0 5. 21– 0 6. 20 )
You’re feeling introverted, but when
Mercury enters lovey-dovey Libra on
the 5th and Venus enters outgoing Leo
on the 6th, you’re thriving! Just watch
out for tricky squad issues.
VIRGO
( 0 8. 23 – 0 9. 2 2)
No thanks to Mercury and Venus, your
love life slows down after the 5th. Then
Mars Retrograde makes your sex life
more complicated. But “complicated”
can mean “hot”…maybe?
And a
bir t h d a y
(t ar ot)
card
By KERRY
WARD
THREE OF COINS
HBD, Virgo! Everyone is
noticing you right now—
including some pretty powerful
people. So go ahead: Put
yourself out there and go for
what you want. (A promotion?
A whole new job? To go viral
on TikTok?) The Three of Coins
shows that whoever’s watching
(your boss? your boss’s boss?
Beyoncé???) is open to
helping you out. You’ve just
gotta make the ask.
S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 75
 ast rolo g y

H ow t o us e
~ m a ni f est in g~ t o
f i x eve r y t hin g
t h a t f e e ls f*c ke d
Like magic. But actually.
By ERI K A W. SM ITH

Let me actual
astrologers explain:
“Manifestation is
No mat t er how into essentially about ask-
astrology you are ing the universe for
(very, I hope!), what you want,
chances are that understanding that
“manifesting” is it’s on its way, and
something that’s on being open to receiv-
your radar. It’s like ing it,” says Lisa Star-
making wishes, right? dust, a member of
Like, I’d love an S.O. our Cosmo(s) Coun-
(I haven’t met a cil. Okay, so it’s a
stranger since March, cosmic version of “I
but still!), a heap of see it, I like it, I want
money (Great it, I got it”—except
Recession 2.0 not in a next-day-
whomst?), and a delivery way.
vacation (especially First, says
after being stuck Stardust, you have to
inside for months). But get super granular
manifesting is about about your ask. So if,
our rose-quartz
crystals and expect
boo to slide into our
DMs. We have to put
in some work. That
could look like
journaling about your
ideal partner or
writing a letter of
intention with exactly
what you want from
(and for) someone.
Hell, you can even
break out ye olde
vision board.
meditating regularly
on whatever you’re
and you have a few trying to manifest.
different options. When you peti-
Some are structured, tion the universe like
like lighting a red this, you create “an
candle during the energetic link
New Moon or making between your emo-
offerings to a goddess tional self and the
(for love-related physical thing you’re
requests, Stardust trying to manifest,”
says you can make an says Aliza Kelly,
altar to Venus and another Cosmo(s)
present her with Council member
honey, champagne, (she’s actually writ-
@ E M I LY LY N N D E S I G N

more than having a like me, you’re Next, you’ve gotta or flowers) (yes, it’s ing a book about
laundry list of wants. looking for a partner, put in the request, v nice to be Venus). manifestation right
we can’t just whisper Some are more
“I want a lover” to open-ended, like
I F YO U ’R E
.
R ..
FO
I N G
O K
LO
EMOTIONAL HEALING A NEW JOB
G O O D H E A LTH
During a Full Moon, slowly untangle a Meditate on your career goals with a clear-
Take a bath with Epsom salts.
tangled necklace or string. Reflect on your quartz crystal on the New Moon.
As you soak, visualize your wellness
memories as your fingers do their Then keep that rock in your purse—or next to your
goals becoming reality.
thing—this will help you process your feels. keyboard—when you have a big interview.

7 6 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 WHEN IN
D OUBT:
LOOK TO
THIS SPOT IN
THE SKY
By SIX

So everything feels like A Lot rn. If you’re in a “too much”

moment, there’s someone who has your back: the ancient
goddess Lilith, mother of demons. [Cue screams.] Wherever
Black Moon Lilith is on your birth chart (look for that symbol
above or plug your birth deets into a free Black Moon Lilith
calculator online) shows where you feel marginalized and
how you can lean into her strength to reclaim your power.

ARIES SCORPIO

Your independence = Because you play it

now, so trust that she
knows). Another way
to set up that link:
Practice abundance
by acting generously
instead of hoarding
what you have. So if
you’re (also like me!)
trying to manifest
cold, hard cash, loan
a small amount to a
mandatory. Don’t let
others boss you around.
TAURUS
You are clear on your
values and know your
worth. Trust yourself, not
your frenemies.
GEMINI
Stay curious about
ev-er-y-thing. Ask all the
questions, and you’ll find
the answers eventually.
CANCER
Your nurturing energy
Like going to the isn’t easily understood by
others, so focus on those
gym (lol, remember
who appreciate you.
gyms?), manifestation
LEO
works best as part
of a routine, says You’re a natural star,
Kelly. Light that candle which means some
people might get jealous.
every New Moon
Let them—don’t dim
or repeat a specific your light!
ritual every weekend.
VIRGO
Keep asking for
what you want, keep Some find you judgmental
because you see straight
believing that you’ll
through BS. Keep on
receive it, and it will triple-checking every
cool—like, freezing-cold
cool—it’s hard for ppl to
see the real you. Open up
to those who’ve earned
your trust, and take some
me-time to recharge.
SAGIT TARIUS
Others may think your
ideas are a bit much,
but you’re a big-picture
person (and, tbh, they’re
kind of boring anyway).
Stick with your new plans
and they’ll pay off.
CAPRICORN
You dedicate yourself
tirelessly to your dreams,
which is why it’s so
exhausting when people
don’t respect your effort!
Trust your plans—you
make excellent ones.
AQUARIUS
It’s true that the world is
often slow to appreciate
you. So build your own
community—your like-
minded crew is out there.
PISCES

friend in need. It’s
great karma and it
also tells the stars that
your bank account is
ready for action.
happen…granted, detail. Someone needs to. It’s beyond frustrating
usually on the that your super-creative
LIBRA
universe’s timeline, projects can take forever
You tend to let other to get recognition.
not yours, but we
people take the lead, but Reminder: Sometimes the
can’t have absolutely trust that you’re capable of universe saves the best
every thing. making fair decisions too. for last.

MONEY LOVE FRIENDSHIPS

Place a sachet of basil (it attracts good luck Take two candles, put them on either side Write the name of someone you admire or
and cash) under your bed so that while of a table, and light them. From the want to reconnect with down on paper. Put it
you’re asleep, you can be messaging the uni- New Moon to the Full Moon, bring them in a cup of sugar water, then let it dry in the
verse that your bank account needs funds. closer together until they’re touching. sunlight so your ’ship is bright and sweet.

S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 77
ast rolo g y

Let your elemental

energy ground you
In the vibe -y way, not the middle school way.
By MIA LARDIERE

Sometimes I feel like a

frozen pea: tight, rigid,
rolling all too quickly from
A to B. I’d much rather be
like a plump canned peach,
soaking contentedly in my
own juice. The latter—that
feeling of comfortable self-
awareness—is basically
what happens when you
tap into and work with (not
against!) your elemental
energy. Part of your core
astrological personality,
it’s a force that helps you
understand how you react
to stress and what you can
do to best manage that
stress. Here, the four kinds
of elemental energies
and how you can achieve
your own particular
peach-like status.

Earth
TAU RUS, V I RG O,
CAPRICORN
You’re kind of like the mom of the
group chat: stable and reliable.
Those same earthy vibes also
make you, ahem, sensual
(*Alexa, play sex playlist*)
and tactile. Which is why Aliza
Kelly says you should reconnect
with your physical senses when
things get fraught: “Do a full-
body scan. Plant your feet on the
ground and take inventory of
what you’re touching and
Fire
A R I ES, L EO,
SAGIT TARIUS
Have you ever looked at a fire
and thought, Wow, how boring.
Next! Ofc not, because fires—
and you—are quite literally lit.
But that same passionate energy
also means you can be
temperamental, burning loved
Air
GEMINI, LIBRA,
AQUARIUS
So you’ve probably left someone
(or 12 someones) on read
recently. Yep, you’re fun to follow
but incredibly hard to pin down.
And being all over the place (in
the best way, bb, the best way)
makes the whole self-awareness
thing a lil complicated. When
you feel off-center, embrace your
Wa t e r
C A N C E R, S CO R PI O,
PISCES
No surprise that you are prone to
tears, care immensely about
people, and are super close to
your loved ones. You can also
pretty easily drown in your own
emotions before crawling into
your shell. When you feel
@ E M I LY LY N N D E S I G N

hearing and the places in your
body where you’re feeling
tense.” Getting out of your
thoughts and into your bod is
your fastest way to calm.
ones when you’re in a mood.
When your sparks start flying, try
to be intentional about where
you direct that energy, says
Kelly. Channel it into a project or
activity instead—put that flame
to good use, fire ppl!
love of talk and check in with
someone close to you. Getting
an outside perspective can help
tame your hurricane of thoughts
into a gentle breeze.
overwhelmed, try pinpointing the
exact cause of your stress and
then examining how you feel
about it before acting. “Don’t
judge these emotions,” says
Kelly. “Use them like hydraulics
to fuel positive action.”

7 8 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 ast r o l o g y

Oh, and t e a le aves

can help wit h
ever y thing else
By LISA STARDUST

Once, that is, you figure out how

to, y’know, get the tea from the tea.

Psychic tea-leaf reader Blue June

suggests beginning by honoring
tea leaves in your own way, like
holding them and meditating on
the question you’d like to ask. Then
place a teaspoon of loose leaves in
your teacup, pour in boiling water,
and allow the leaves to steep.

After you’ve sipped all your tea

(minus the leaves), place the
teacup upside down on a saucer,
turn the cup clockwise three times,
tap the bottom three times, and turn
A S K Y O U R the cup back over. Then look for
the shapes the leaves make,
starting at the rim near the handle
A S T R O L O B E S T I E and moving clockwise to the
middle, then to the bottom of the
Real - talk advice from astrologer, author, and cup. Pay special attention to how
the shapes relate to one another.
Instagram meme queen Aliza Kelly. Like, an ax next to a heart means
that your relationship is likely over
(meep). Let your intuition guide
Dear Still you, and keep an eye out for these:
Socially Dist ant
Dear Aliza, Sagit t arius,
-
T E A
I’m in an accidental You and your Leo are readjustment period, CO DE
R
long-distance both fire signs, which but it doesn’t mean
relationship. After a means that you share that you’re not
year and a half a passionate, compatible. It just
together, my Leo impulsive spirit— means you have
A LETTER AN ENVELOPE
partner and I ended which makes social been through a crisis
Someone whose There’s big news
up riding out the distancing really and are looking at
name starts with this coming, and it’s
pandemic in separate hard! It’s been a the world from new letter is coming probably good.
states (I moved back rough six months, but perspectives. Luckily, into your life and/or
in with my parents; you’re putting our this is also what fire causing drama.

Leo stayed put in our collective safety signs do best:

A CRESCENT
city). We text and ahead of instant explore, discover, MOON
have weekly Zoom gratification…and and stay curious. SC AT TERED You’ll have
date nights, but I that is actually the Remember to lead DASHES meaningful
constantly worry key to strengthening with your heart, and You’re about to dreams.
be super busy.
that our relationship your bond, because love will follow.
won’t be as strong you’re working as a To t he M o on and b ack,
post-quarantine. How team. x x Aliza THE SUN
can we get through That said, because A LION Happiness is on
@Aliza Ke lly
You: feeling strong the horizon.
this new normal—and of your innate playful
or victorious.
beyond? natures, it’s important Need some cosmic help
to have fun together
@ E M I LY LY N N D E S I G N

to cope with your dram a?

Since re ly,
too (virtual dance- Hit us up: A strolobestie A STAR
Still Socially Dist ant
@Cosmopolitan.com. A KEY You should follow
Sagit t arius off, anyone?). When
Be ready for a new your dreams.
you finally reunite, opportunity.
there will likely be a

S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 79
 W
H
thoughts
IL
E
ev

S
O
er

M
y Just

8 0 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
w
a l

EO
is
t

N
of

E’
om

S
an
GO
ING
has
DOWN ON
H
l u s t

ER
K A R I N A T W I S S/ T R U N K A R C H I V E . T H I S I S A P R O F E S S I O N A L M O D E L
A N D U S E D F O R I L L U S T R AT I V E P U R P O S E S O N LY. L I V E LY: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
 11.
Whatever happened
to that Blake Lively
movie with “rhythm”
in the title?

1. 12.
Hmm, is the length Reminder to
of a minute of giving look up Blake Lively’s
oral equivalent to IMDb page.
the length of a minute
of getting oral?
13.
Did I ever cancel
2. my Apple TV+
or the org
m ef as What is subscription after
o time anymore that free trial?
m
C

anyway?
stay for th 14.
e
3.
Ahem, right: Focus.
pr
od

Okay, nooow Focus!

uctive e pip

we’re getting
somewhere.
15.
But seriously,
ha

ni 4.
es. why is it that
Nope, Blake Lively only does
never mind. thrillers now…?

5. 16.
TBH, men Concentrate,
*should* wax. damnit!

6. 17.
I wonder what it Almost there.
feels like to get your
balls waxed.
18.
Almost. There.
7.
If he asks me to
wax his balls, 19.
I’ll leave. Why AND WE’RE
do men always want THERE.
their partners to
wax them?!
*spiritually floating
8. three feet
Wait…wait… off the ground*

**all answers about

9. Blake Lively’s
…there we go!!! career are magically
answered**
10.
Now, keep up this
rhythm, pls.

S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 81
lust

CTION
SU

MV P

V I B E

Th e S a t isf ye r
Pr o 2
N ex t G e n, $55 Sh
e ’s

a
be
a u t, n o ?
While most of the
economy is going
to shit, over in the
sex-toy industry,
things have been,
well…explosive (so
sry). People have
been buying vibra-
tors like toilet
paper, making
retailers like Lelo,
Lovehoney, and
PinkCherry see up
to 250 percent
spikes in sales.
They’ve sold, no
joke, more than
1 million toys
since March.
Let that sink in.
Or maybe you

toy
don’t need to, since

x - a solid chunk of
Cosmo readers—
already a very
The se

b o om
sex-positive bunch,
love yas—bought
their first-ever
sex toy during
quarantine. Which
just makes sense,
Quarantine = ever y vibe’s time to shine. and not only
because literal city
By CARINA HSIEH
and
governments in
TAY LO R A N D R E WS places like NYC

8 2 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020 Ph o t o g r a p hs by J ESS I C A PE T T WAY

 41%
Show me of women have
invested in a

the data!
new sex toy
during
quarantine.

The most common reasons

and D.C. officially p e o p l e b o u g h t a s ex t oy d u r i n g
recommended mas- q u a r a n t i n e:
turbation as the 17%
safest form of physi- They wanted
cal intimacy during to try some-
thing new.
the pandemic. (Also
on NYC’s rec list:
glory-holing, aka
8%
having sex through 6% They were
a wall. Yep.) They were bored.
Another Cool w
u r n e b o o.
lonely.
yo
Thing: Sex-toy ce
u

companies are
od
us to intr

spreading their new

wealth. B-Vibe, pur-
veyor of butt-centric
low
Al

products, donated
Most women
UV-C sanitizing who added to
bags to hospitals. their sex-toy
One Condoms collection amid
quarantine
shifted its lube pro-
spent between
duction lines to

31 AND 60
$ $
make hand sanitizer
and worked with
rubber suppliers to (and 9 percent
dropped more
help get more PPE
than $101).
like gloves made.
So props to these
businesses for keep-

185
%
ing frontline work-
ers protected—and
Lelo’s recorded
the rest of us safe
uptick in
and sated at home. sales between
Whether you’ve March 2020
already filled out and June 2020.

your stash or you’re

just now catching
A n d a g l i m p s e a t p o p u l a r (a n d
up (go for it, bb, c h i c) s ex- t oy b r a n d D a m e’s
no time like the g r ow t h, c o m p a r e d t o t h e s a m e
present!), we’re m o n t h s i n 2 019
here to help you
216%
navigate this new
terrain with this 103%
guided tour: which 80%
playthings have
been the most A B B I T 29%
R

popular during
37%
lockdown, how
MV P
to spot a counterfeit
MARCH
APRIL
M AY

toy (the sad down-

JANUARY
FEBRUARY

V I B E
side of online
Th e L e l o S o r a ya
shopping *sigh*), Wa ve, $250
and more.

S e p t e m b e r 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n 83
 lust

spot a counterfeit
T E X T U R E D . N E W TA K E S
o n…
T OYS e as O N

r
C L A S S I C S

ra
Dame Pom

fo
Magic Wand

rs
Silicone and flexible

IN THE WILD
e best selle
to fit perfectly in your Rechargeable
hand. $90, dame The cordless version

HOW TO
products.com of the Cadillac
of vibrators.
re th

BlowYo Textured $130, babeland.com

Stroker
we

A penis sleeve to Tiger Vibe G5

se e

make masturbation
Th

A ridged rabbit with a

or giving handys wide tip, clutch for cli-
even more fun. toral or prostate play.
$30, lovehoney.com $140, babeland.com

Pink Pleaser Greedy Girl Rabbit

Veined like a bag of A rechargeable rab-
supermarket shrimp, bit with a flat base so
with clitoral nubs you can stand it up on
at the base. your nightstand like
$20, adameve.com the objet d’art it is.
$90, lovehoney.com

According to our own

Cosmo data, 94 per-
U L L E T
B
cent of you wouldn’t
R E M OT E -
be able to tell the
A N D A P P -
MV P difference between a
C O N T RO L L E D
S U C T I O N
counterfeit and the
V I B E S
V I B E real deal (and 77 per-
V I B E S
Th e D am e Ze e We-Vibe Couples cent didn’t even know
Satisfyer V ib r a t o r, $30 Unite 2.0 fakes were a thing!).
Pro 2 Next Gen A wearable design
made specifically for
Sadly, phonies don’t
The most wallet-
friendly suction toy. partnered play. just lurk in the shadows
$55, babeland.com $100, pinkcherry.com
on the deep, deep
Lelo Sona Cruise 2 THE Panty Pleaser interweb—they’re
The bougiest-looking Vibe touted openly on

MVP
version out there. The most discreet product marketplaces
$118, lelo.com panty vibe for
teasing fun. like Amazon and eBay.
Womanizer Liberty $100, lovehoney.com Plus, They! Look!

TOYS
A teeny metallic pink
The! Exact! Same!
clit stimulator with a Lelo F1s
clamshell cover. Cute! Developer Kit As! The! Real! Things!
$100, pinkcherry.com A penis sleeve you Obviously this is
OF can code and custom-
ize. Also included:
bad for multiple rea-
fingerless gloves for sons, the main one
QUARANTINE hornily fast coding?? being that lack of reg-
Love. $169, lelo.com
ulations in the sex-toy
industry = lots of sus

5
products going in and

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charge—that’s two times longer Insertable! Length! (Compared
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*WORTHY* UPGRADES battery. $135, babeland.com $140, goodvibes.com

8 4 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 What you might A PEEK INSIDE
A KNOCKOFF
consider a “good deal”
is actually a sh*t The blue neck con-
tains two springs that
product. transfer the vibration
from the motor to the
head.

WA N D
M AG I C
Peep the large silver
cylinder between the
circuit board and
the head—that’s the
v powerful, brushless

R E A L
motor.

The green circuit

board is meticulously
designed.

The blue neck con-

tains no springs (it’s
literally just a piece of
foam rubber).

WA N D
around your privates, descriptions, since no maje red flags to
says Marie Aoyama, regulations means look out for. (And btw,
marketing director at no fact-checking. if, let’s say, “your There’s no motor,
M AG I C
Tenga toys. And since Basically, what you friend” accidentally so it’s *noticeably*
lighter when held.
counterfeit versions might consider a finds herself with a
are most commonly “good deal” is actu- counterfeit toy, tell her
FA K E

made up of phthal- ally a crap product to return or recycle The circuit board is
poorly produced.
S O U R C E I M A G E S: H I TA C H I M A G I C .C O M . A L L OT H E R I L L U S T R AT I O N S: M I C H E L E WA LT H E R S .

ates, aka chemicals that can easily over- it via SexToyRecycling

that are linked to can- heat or stop working .com. It’s also okay
cer (plus a laundry list right away. So let’s to leave a brutally S O U R C E: J O S H D E I TC H E R ,
O P E R AT I O N S D I R E C TO R
M A G I C WA N D O R I G I N A L A N D C O U N T E R F E I T I L L U S T R AT I O N S: M A R Y FA M A .

of other things), that’s put you onto some honest review.) F O R V I B R AT E X

something you really

don’t want.
Knockoffs made
out of phthalates
also tend to be more
porous, which means
they are nearly
impossible to fully
sanitize (hi, yeast
and bacterial infec-
tions). And you’ll
be lucky to find an
honest “made out of”
ingredients list in any
of these false product
Be v war y if…
IT’S CHEAP THE PRODUCT WHEN MADE OUT IT SMELLS LIKE IT FEELS LIGHT
AS FUCK. NAME OR OF SILICONE, CHEMICALS WHEN A N D H O L L O W.
Look to reputable DESCRIPTION IS IT’S MISSING YOU OPEN THE FYI, solid plas-
N OT Q U I T E R I G H T. VERBIAGE LIKE: PAC K AG E .
sites like Babeland tics—the ones you
and Lovehoney to “Counterfeit com- “100 percent This would most want—are usually
compare costs. “If panies usually don’t body safe,” “medi- likely mean unsafe labeled “ABS,”
the price seems too have the resources cal grade,” or “food silicone or vinyl is which should look
good to be true, it to do language grade,” which is being used, says and feel solid,
probably is,” says checks for packag- how the industry Martin. advises Martin.
ing,” says Aoyama. most commonly
Shay Martin, co-
owner of Vibratex. labels safe silicone,
says Martin.

PRETTIER QUIETER MORE POWERFUL MOTOR

The Rosebud Aurora plug is made out The Womanizer Premium is virtually The Doxy Die Cast Wand houses
of lightweight onyx-colored aluminum un-hearable, and the motor turns a powerfully rumbly 9,000 rpm
and adorned with a crystal. I mean…! off as soon as it’s not in contact with (which is, like, 143 mph).
$76, babeland.com the body. $199, babeland.com $235, babeland.com

S O U R C E: S E X - TOY E D U C ATO R L I S A FI N N
 How to

*a c t u a l l y *
sl e e p
w it h yo u r
partner
Smar t solutions for whatever weird sh*t
they do at night.
By TAY LO R A N D R E WS

THE THE
THE SH O RT-TER M LO N G -TER M
PROBLEM S O LV E S O LV E Sn
or

T h e i r s n o r es Visualize the Consult a sleep

er gets the

m a ke yo u soothing rise specialist. Better

and fall of beach that your partner
c o nt e m p l a t e
waves as you figure out what’s
r e d ow n l o a d -
fl

listen to your really going on oo

i n g T i n d e r.
r,
bedmate’s inhales (like, say, sleep s r y.

and exhales. apnea) before

(You didn’t know you waste another
it at the time, but penny on sub-
this is what all par earplugs or
those $35 yoga a white-noise
classes have been machine.
training you for.)

T h e ir n e e d t o If your S.O. just Welcome to your

Cu d d l e A l l has to be all new bedtime BFF,
up on you, remem- the body pillow.
N i g ht L o n g
ber that (1) it’s Tell your partner
l e a ves yo u r kinda cute and to snuggle up to
l i m bs as l e e p— (2) your entire bod it when they’re
a n d yo u w i d e doesn’t need to be ready to sleep so
a wa ke. involved. Tell them they have some-
before you fall thing to wrap their
asleep that you’d arms around that’s
rather stick to just not, well, you.
hand-holding.

8 6 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2020
 lust

Because we’re all

way bet ter after a THE
THE
SH O RT-TER M
THE
LO N G -TER M
decent night ’s rest. PROBLEM S O LV E S O LV E

Yo u’r e d a t i n g Weird but effec- If that high A/C

an IRL tive: Getting your bill is cutting into
fireperson into your take-out
f u r n a c e.
a super-steamy budget or what-
pre-bed shower ever, order some
can actually help sheets or PJs made
cool down both of from breathable,
your body temps athleisure-ish
for the night. You material. Polyester
can also set the and rayon fabrics
A/C to a chilly wick away mois-
65 degrees for ture, aka sweat.
optimal snoozing.

T h e ir l a u n d r y If you’re posted up Call them out on

s c h e d u l e is at your partner’s the habits, which
place, your best are, quite frankly,
q u e st i o n a b l e
bet in the moment major turn-offs.
(a t b est). is to take off and Or just insist you
flip over the two move over
pillowcase you’re to your place,
sleeping on. At where the sheets
the very least, are fresh, the
you’ll be using the beauty products
side that is seem- ample, and the
ingly “cleaner” TP two-ply.
and less coated in
germs or dandruff.

T h ey h a ve Have! An! Sorry to send

f u l l - b l ow n Orgasm! The ’em back to third
release of hor- grade, but it’s
c o nvos i n t h e i r
mones like oxyto- time to estab-
s l e e p. cin and prolactin lish a solid sleep
not only alleviates schedule. Insist on
stress (which is going to bed and
often at the root waking up at the
of sleep talking) same time ev-er-y
but also makes it day. Better sleep
so you’re both hygiene = helping
literally too tired nix these midnight
to say goodni—. convos for good.
A N N A DA B R O W S K A / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.

T his w i l d Doesn’t seem like Time to ditch the

t w it c h e r k i c k s it atm, but this is boozy (read:
actually nbd if sleep-disrupting)
a n d m ove s
it happens only nightcap or opt for
a n d j e r k s… once in a while— a magnesium sup-
yo u o u t o f a they’re probably plement at least
d e e p s l u m b e r. just stressed or an hour before
sleep deprived. bed. If it’s still
Put that weighted an issue, it may
blanket to use to be worth making
help minimize an appointment
their movement. with ye olde sleep
specialist.

S O U R C ES: J U L I A N A H AU S E R , P H D, M A R R I AG E A N D FA M I LY T H E R A P I S T W I T H T E M P U R - P E D I C;
L AU R I L E A D L E Y, C L I N I C A L S L E E P E D U C ATO R A N D P R ES I D E N T O F VA L L E Y S L E E P C E N T E R; M A N DA N A
M A H M O U D I , M D, P H D, I N S T R U C TO R I N T H E D E PA R TM E N T O F M E D I C I N E AT N Y U L A N G O N E H E A LT H;
R E B E CC A R O B B I N S, P H D, S L E E P E X P E R T A N D DAG S M E J A N S C I E N T I FI C A DV I S O RY B OA R D M E M B E R;
E L L E N W E R MT E R , FA M I LY N U R S E P R AC T I T I O N E R W I T H T H E B E T T E R S L E E P CO U N C I L
 THE

KING
EVOLUTION
OF

JOEY

S H E K N OWS H O L LY WO O D WA S N ’ T

M A D E F O R YO U N G WO M E N TO T H R I V E .

TO O BA D, H O L LY WO O D.

Words Photographs Fashion

by by by

EMMA E R I C R AY CASSIE

BATY DAVIDSON ANDERSON

88
COSM O P O L ITA N

SEP TEM BER 2020

IF
IT
“I ’M SU R E PEO PL E W I L L A N A LYZE E V E RY M OV E M E N T A N D E V E RY D E TA I L . A N D YO U K N OW W H AT ? L E T TH EM .”
lunch together on a Monday after-
noon in June—well, it’s sort of lunch.
And we’re not at all together. She’s
home in L.A., quarantining with

WERE
family, which is relatable, while man-
aging the renovation of said home
because it’s hers, which is not. (“Don’t
worry, everybody’s wearing masks
and gloves,” she explains over the
sound of a construction crew ripping
out carpets.) Joey’s teacup Yorkie,
Angel, is happily hopping on her lap.
I’m also home, in Grand Haven,

UP
Michigan, having left New York City
to quarantine with Mom and Dad in a
town that is the opposite of New York
Joey King, we’d be talking about City. I basically begged my parents to
something, anything, other than take our black Lab, Finn, out for two
Joey King. hours so he wouldn’t bark while I was
Sure, the 21-year-old Los Angeles on this Zoom. Well, it was supposed
native, who’s been acting for more to be a Zoom, but half an hour in, the
years of her life than not, is a profes- app self-destructed just as Joey was

TO
sional famous person, but even she showing me around her bedroom (it’s
knows that when the country is filled with a giant ornate bed, for her,
going through a total and painful and lots of little beds, for her “old as
reckoning of its racist past and pres- fuck” dogs). So anyway, now we’re on
ent—while also battling a pandemic FaceTime. We’re doing what she calls
that doesn’t seem to be going any- lunch-delivery roulette. You each
where—the last thing anyone needs order for the other person from a
is a celebrity profile. local restaurant in their town—“gotta
And yet: “I get it,” she says about support small businesses,” her publi-
our interview. “We got some shit to cist enthusiastically explained via
cover.” This is, after all, part of the email—then talk through why you
deal when you’re a young Hollywood chose each dish. The time-zone
star. For every Big Splashy Project difference puts me three hours past
you book, you have to do press so lunchtime, but what is time, really,
everyone knows about—and wants to
see—the project. This makes The
OPENING SPREAD
Next Big Splashy Project a little easier Frame jeans. CVC Stones rings.

to book. Oh, and did I mention you

OPPOSITE PAGE
have to do it all with a smile on your Dior dress, bralette, and belt.
Giuseppe Zanotti heels. Marlo Laz
face, even when asked waaay too per- earrings and ring.
sonal questions about your intimate
relationships, all while it feels like
the world is ending around you?
Not that Joey gives up control that
easily. It was her idea that we have
when you’ve been sitting inside your
house for the past four months?
I picked a spread for Joey of my
favorite New York City foods (pas-
trami sandwich, matzo ball soup, a
black-and-white cookie) because I’m
homesick. Her verdict: “I’m so happy,
you don’t even know.” My own
Grubhub options are McDonald’s,
Wendy’s, and Subway, so I painstak-
ingly curated a list of acceptable
Middle of Nowhere, Michigan, res-
taurants for her to choose from.
She ordered me “Italian”: chicken
Francesca with kale Caesar salad,
aka Midwest for “chicken and greens
covered in cheese.” “I ordered brus-
chetta too,” she says as we unbox our
lunches. “And they were like, ‘We
don’t have any bread.’ I was like, Are
you joking?! Everything I’m trying to
do is going to shit!”
This, of course, is a lie. Not the
bruschetta, the other thing. Just
looking around her house proves the
opposite: a picture of her and Patricia
Arquette in costume from The Act; a
shadow box with the teddy bear her
character, Gypsy Rose, was obsessed
with; a painting from the set of
White House Down. I can tell she’s
not arrogantly hoarding this stuff
for some sort of trophy wall—it’s
more like how you’d hang on to old
sorority sweatshirts because they
still spark joy.
And consider the reason we’re here
at all: Joey has just returned to the
Kissing Booth franchise (the sequel to
the 2018 Netflix movie premiered
July 24) that made her a household
name. And this time, she didn’t just
act, she also co-executive-produced
the damn thing. She has other proj-
ects in the works she’s excited about
too, some she’s not ready to share just
yet and one that sounds kind of

JoosTricot dress.
Retrouvaí ring.
major: a TV series about two women since people started flooding streets
living in the woods, starring herself across the country to peacefully
and her friend, the Booksmart actress protest the brutal killings of George
Kaitlyn Dever—and produced by Floyd and Breonna Taylor and
Margot Robbie. (“Margot Robbie, are Ahmaud Arbery and too many oth-
you fucking kidding me?” says Joey. ers. Before our call, Joey had planned
“I love her so much.”) to go to a protest that ended up get-
Yeah, so even though this year has ting canceled. She spent her morning
been kind of a nightmare, she’s try- researching organizations and donat-
ing to make the most of it. Emphasis ing to fundraisers instead. But none

“YOU SH OU LDN’T HAVE TO BECOM E SOM ETH IN G FO R PEO PLE TO LISTEN TO YOU.”
on “trying.” This morning, she was of it really seemed like enough, and
planning on getting up early, like just feeling down at all was a struggle
8 a.m., and exercising. It didn’t hap- when she knows—like so many of us
pen. She’s still wearing the workout know—that there is someone, so
clothes, though (leggings with cool many someones, suffering so much
cutouts and a Hulu logo sweatshirt more this very second.
perfectly draped off her shoulders), as “I preach a lot about being proac-
she sits on the floor of her soothingly tive about your mental health and
gray bedroom feeling that slept- not feeling selfish for feeling
through-my-workout guilt. “Some depressed or upset,” she says, “but
people are really good about setting then when I sink into these weird
goals—if they set a goal, they know moods, I immediately feel super
they have to do it and they won’t feel selfish, which makes me feel worse.
good until they do it,” she says. “I am When it comes to taking care of
the same way, yet I still let myself not yourself, there is a certain level of
get it done for some reason.” selfishness you have to have, but it’s
The truth is that in spite of her hard. I haven’t found that balance
success, Joey, like you, like me, like yet. Because I in no way, shape, or
all of us, is having trouble coping. form want to make any conversation
Her mood has been “so bad”—the day that I start right now about me.”
before our interview, she didn’t even She’s trying to be an ally in the
leave her room. Black Lives Matter movement, having
“2020…at first, everything was on tough conversations with extended
fire, then we were going into World family members, reading books
War III,” she says, like she’s counting (Joey’s sister Hunter told me they’ve
off realities on her fingers. “Then the been working through a copy of
coronavirus hit.” In February, she So You Want to Talk About Race
was at Fashion Week in Paris and had together), and using her platform to
just stepped into the lobby of the post resources and raise awareness.
Louvre Museum when it was abruptly Basically, doing what any white girl
evacuated and closed due to COVID- of extreme privilege with a big plat-
19. “Your brain goes to the worst-case form should be doing right now. “I am
scenario. Like, What if every single a guest,” she says. “Like every white
person in the universe dies?” person who enters, we are guests.
“And then the protests started,” This is not an issue we have to make
she says, returning to her list. When about ourselves. We don’t get to make
we talk, it’s been only a few days it about ourselves.”
 There are, though, between racial
injustice stories and “Juneteenth
facts” posts on her IG, others about
the new Kissing Booth trailer and
outtakes from photo shoots like this
one. Like she said, she knows she’s
one of the last people her fans need to
hear from right now…but she also
wants to be really good at her job,
which, again, means she needs you
to hear from her. A lot. Including in
magazines like this one.
And “selfishly,” her job, even if she
isn’t on actual movie sets right now,
gives her some semblance of nor-
malcy. She’s been doing it for so long
that she knows the industry like
other 21-year-olds might know the
back of the menu at their favorite bar.
Joey was 6 years old for her first-ever
TV appearance, on The Suite Life of
Zack & Cody, a Disney Channel show
I most definitely watched when I was
11, when I most definitely had a crush
on the Sprouse twins.
Hers is a very child-actress-turned-
grown-up-actress origin story, even
the part where she knows that being
in front of the camera might not be
enough for her. She already gets it:
Hollywood—like, well, the world—
wasn’t built to empower young
women. In fact, it’s built to do the
exact opposite, keeping them in a
small box labeled Pretty Young
Thing. Joey has experienced ageism
her entire career, she says, especially
because she looks so young. It’s
gotten better as she’s become more
successful, but that’s frustrating in
and of itself. “You shouldn’t have to
become something for people to lis-
ten to you,” she says, throwing her
hands in the air.
Remember how liberated and
annoyed you felt the first time it
 seemed like you’d actually been “There’s so much I want to say,” she
taken seriously? It’s like that feeling starts, then pauses for a second to
when you’re watching a movie and all laugh. “What’s the most, um, correct
your friends start to catch on to way to go about this? Elle Evans
something in the last act when you’d needs her Noah Flynn, and whatever
figured it out in the first 30 minutes. that means for my personal life, I’ll
Equally frustrating is the one do anything to make sure the story of
thing about Joey that people have my character who I care about so
almost always taken too seriously: much is complete.” For the record:
her love life. (Yes, you’ve arrived at Joey, um, seems to be seeing some-
*that* part of the interview. There’s one else now. She’s hesitant to say
always a *that* part.) When Netflix much when I bring it up, but when I
announced it was making a second ask, she’s not…not smiling?
Kissing Booth movie, the big thing Just like the ending of every teen

“ I H AV E T O T E L L M Y S E L F T H A T I F I T D O E S N ’ T G O M Y W AY, I C A N P I C K M Y S E L F B A C K U P.”
everyone—the fans, the internet, romance ever, Joey is moving on.
me—wanted to know was whether Right now, she’s particularly focused
Jacob Elordi, who played Joey’s on pitching that new TV show with
onscreen BF, would be returning. her friend Kaitlyn. (“Any time I’m
Between movies, the two stars were invited to fancy parties and I know
romantically attached…and then not. Joey will be there,” Kaitlyn later tells
News of their split broke fans and the me, “I know we’ll be able to go in a
dozens of stan accounts scattered corner together and eat snacks.”)
across social media. It’s one of the things that, 2020 be
Joey knows I’m going to ask the damned, is making Joey cautiously
question even as I awkwardly optimistic about what comes next.
attempt to bring it up. “Ask it. I If the project doesn’t get picked up,
don’t give a shit,” she says. So I do: well, she’s already familiar with the
“What was it like to have to act with heartbreak of disappointment. It’s
someone who you might now feel fine. “I have to tell myself that if it
really guarded around?” doesn’t go my way, I can pick myself
After a few false starts, a few back up,” she says. “And I won’t cry
“wells” and “you knows,” she says, for too long.”
“No one’s thinking to themselves, She wants me—and more impor-
That was easy, because it wasn’t. tantly, you—to feel that too. She’s
I’m sure people will analyze every hoping that by the time you read this,
movement and every detail. And things will look a little brighter and
you know what? Let them. But at the the idea of optimism itself will start
end of the day, I was just thrilled to to seem a little less Hollywood and a
be Elle Evans again.” little more real life.
Okay, but now that she’s faced with “2020 is a piece of shit,” she says
a press tour and a version of the before we hang up. “And I know it’s
above question on repeat—“What was silly to hope that everything’s
it like to work with your ex-boyfriend beautiful by September because it
F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N , G O TO C O S M O P O L I TA N .C O M .

every day?”—could she go into just a won’t be. So I’m hoping that there’s
little more detail? hope. That’s more realistic.”

Carolina Herrera dress. Pamela Love earrings.

Hair: Dimitris Giannetos at The Wall Group using

Well Professionals. Makeup: Allan Avendaño at A-Frame
Agency using Urban Decay. Manicure: Thuy Nguyen at
A-Frame Agency. Props styled by Abraham Latham for Art
Department. Production: Crawford & Co Productions.
 “O n e d o c t o r t o l d
m e w h a t I was
d e s c ribin g d o e sn’t
exist,” s a ys A nnie
Rey n os o. “I s a t in
an U b e r c r yin g a f t e r
t h a t. S o m e o n e is
l o o kin g a t yo u in
t h e f a c e an d s a yin g
yo u’re a lia r.”
 Wo m e n s a y t h e i r

BREAST
IMPL ANTS
are making them

SI CK.
Doctors and insurance companies

a r e g a s l i g h t i n g t h e m i n t o b e l i e v i n g i t ’s

all in their heads.

Inside the wildly expensive, endlessly

frustrating experience of tr ying to get implants removed
when your health is on the line.

Wo r d s b y P h o t o g r a p h s b y

C AT H E R I N E G U T H R I E A D E L I N E L U L O

97
C O S M O P O L I TA N

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 0
Annie Reynoso Annie, then 32, looked down
at her boobs. She felt a little
uncomfortable, like she was

wanted a tummy being upsold. But it was true,

they were droopy. They could
use some oomph. Plus, this
was supposed to be a birthday

t u ck .
B u t h e r d o c t o r s a i d n o.

U t e r i n e f i b r o i d s m e a n t s h e w a s n’t
gift to herself, something just
for her. She’d been saving up for
years. So she went for it: $4,500
implants that took her from
a good candidate for abdominal
a C- to a D-cup.
s u r g e r y. H e h a d a n i d e a t h o u g h, She didn’t regret it. Not at first
anyway. Her new breasts were
t h e d o c t o r. I f w h a t A n n i e w a s perky. They did have oomph.
They filled out shirts and dresses
l o o k i n g f o r w a s a p h y s i c a l b o o s t,
in a way that made Annie feel
there were other options out there. good about her body. She forgot
all about the tummy tuck.
Like breast implants. Then it was a few years later,
and odd things started happen-
ing: Her breasts swelled to a
G-cup. She had fatigue that
“ T h e re is t his t hin g insid e o f m e m a kin g m e sic k an d I c a n’t
d o any t hin g a b o u t it. T h a t ’s a re a ll y s c a r y f e e lin g.”
would knock her out for days.
Sudden dizzy spells made it
scary for her to drive. She’d get
short of breath after walking just
a few steps. She had night sweats
that soaked her mattress. And
there were even stranger symp-
toms: nausea if she ate before
noon, and pain in her chest,
neck, ears, and jaw that felt like
the worst sunburn of her life.
She kept tubes of Aspercreme in
her purse, coat pockets, and
desk drawer. At least a dozen
times a day, she had to slather
herself in ointment.
Throughout 2018, Annie got
mammograms, blood tests,
biopsies, MRIs, CT scans, an
echocardiogram, and more. The
results turned up nothing. Or
almost nothing. One doctor
diagnosed her with a fast heart
rate. After a large lymph node
was discovered on her neck, she
got a biopsy. Still no conclusive
answers. At this point, even
though she had good health
insurance, she was shelling out
hundreds of dollars for co-pays
and out-of-network specialists.
The tests added up.

Annie paid for them all, until
she lost her job as a mental
health advocate, which she did
full-time while also going to
school. She’d been good at it,
but she was always sick. And
with so many bills and no
income, she slid $7,000 behind
in rent on her New York City
apartment. More than once, she
came home to an eviction notice
taped to her door. Her car was
almost repossessed; she cashed
out her 401(k). Between the
stress of her money problems
and her illness, she failed four
of her college classes, leaving
her unable to graduate.
That’s when something
finally changed: A friend of
Annie’s started feeling better
after her implants were
removed, and a rheumatologist
told Annie some of her symp-
toms aligned with Sjögren’s
TH E VO O RH ES.
syndrome, an autoimmune
disease potentially triggered by
her implants. After that, all she
reasons. Even though she was
dangerously sick and had reason
to believe she’d never get better
as long as the implants were in
her body. Even though she
didn’t have close to $7,500.
WHEN IT COMES TO POPUL AR
plastic surgeries, boob jobs are
at the top of the list. They’ve
been the most performed cos-
metic procedure in the country
for 13 years straight. In 2019,
around 300,000 women got
breast implant augmentations,
a 41 percent jump from 2000,
according to data from the
American Society of Plastic
Surgeons (ASPS). (This doesn’t
include the additional 107,000
women who got breast implants
after a mastectomy and recon-
struction, which is considered
medically necessary.) Driving
the record-setting numbers:
Gen Z and millennial women,
who make up nearly 70 percent
could think about was getting of breast implant surgeries.
them out. The uptick has no doubt been
Once again, she waited in a helped along by a ground-level
surgeon’s office. A new one this plastic surgery economy—no-
FINANCIAL CRISIS FOR WOMEN.
time. She’d gotten her implants surgery nose jobs, lunchtime
in the Dominican Republic, lipo, in-and-out injectables—
where her family lives and they that makes getting nipped,
could help her through the tucked, and filled seem as easy
recovery. Now she sat alone in as getting a bikini wax or a
THE BREAST IMPLANT BOOM IS
New Jersey, consulting with a teeth-whitening treatment.
doctor about having her It seems that way because
implants removed in a proce- that’s exactly how it’s sold.
dure called an explant. She was “Some plastic surgeons have
CREATING A NEW HEALTH AND
hopeful. Until she was told it adopted an attitude of ‘I’ll
would cost $7,500—and that inform you of potential risks but
insurance wasn’t likely to cover follow up by saying those risks
a dime. likely won’t happen to you,’”
It had nothing to do with says S. Lori Brown, PhD, a
where she’d gotten her implants— retired FDA researcher. It’s not
insurance companies generally surprising why: The average sur-
don’t reject coverage for compli- geon’s fee for a breast implant
cations just because an initial procedure is around $4,000.
surgery took place out of the Multiply that by 300,000 and
country. It had everything to do there’s your $1.2 billion reason
with the fact that insurers just for the “everything will be fine.”
don’t cover the explant Annie In many cases, doctors are
needed, even though she wasn’t right—everything will be fine.
changing her mind for aesthetic But in a lot of other cases, it
won’t. In 2019, nearly 34,000 autoimmune disorder caused Annie, the answer seems obvi-

HEALTH ISSUES ARE THEIR FAULT.”

women had their implants by implants. In 2018, a study ous. They’re sick, they need
removed, according to the ASPS. in the International Journal of health care—health insurance
A number that has been going Epidemiology found that women (which, btw, they pay to have)
up by the thousands the past few with silicone breast implants should help them get well.
years. And a huge chunk of had more than a 20 percent Still, most insurers won’t.
those procedures—explants increased risk of being diag- “It’s a bit of a game,” says Scot
often cost between $7,000 and nosed with an autoimmune or Bradley Glasberg, MD, former

“ WOM E N A R E ESSENTI A L LY TO L D TH AT T H E I R
$10,000—won’t be covered by rheumatic disorder. president of the ASPS. “Insurers
insurance, creating a new health There is also overwhelming use the fact that there is no true
and financial crisis for women. anecdotal evidence online, in medical definition or billing
Facebook groups like Breast code for breast implant illness
AT T H E H E A R T O F I T A L L I S Implant Illness and Healing as an opportunity to try not
something both frustratingly by Nicole, where hundreds of to pay for it.” When it comes to
murky and devastatingly clear: thousands of women share their explants due to breast implant
Women self-report any number stories. And of course, there are illness, they consider it just as
of different symptoms like the endless comments on posts elective as the original implants
Annie’s that are believed to be like Chrissy Teigen’s recent were. (The exception is for
caused by their implants, but Instagram update about having women who undergo breast
there is no official medical term her implants removed. Women reconstruction after a mastec-
or definition. They have to just saying they wish they could tomy, including those done
call it “breast implant illness.” too—women saying, “Having for preventive reasons, but
Many doctors, citing a lack of them is making me sick.” even here, there are insurance-
scientific proof, don’t believe the friendly loopholes. Some govern-
condition even exists. They E N T E R T H E Q U E S T I O N YO U ’R E ment- and religious-based plans
rarely warn their patients about probably wondering about right are exempt from having to cover
it in advance. Insurers don’t now, which everyone involved in anything, leaving those women
acknowledge it at all. this entire mess has raised at to pay for any later complica-
And yet, there is evidence some point: Who should pay tions out of pocket.)
to suggest that breast implant when a voluntary procedure Never mind that insurers
illness might actually be an goes wrong? For women like often cover the cost of address-
ing complications from other
elective procedures like IVF and
gastric bypass surgery. Or even
other breast-implant-related
complications that they can
“see,” like a rupture. And con-

T H E V O O R H E S . M A R T I N DA L E: M O N I K A N O R M A N D. D E A R M A N : C O U R T E S Y L A U R E N D E A R M A N .
fusingly, breast reductions are
often covered in full if a woman
can prove she’s in pain and the
surgery would end up improving
her quality of life.
This is mind-boggling to peo-
ple like Bailey Martindale, 30,
plic
ated expla who got breast implants to help
m nts
Co ca correct a genetic condition that
n

caused her breasts to grow long

co
st

and narrow. For her, it was a

ten
s of thous

quality-of-life decision as much

as it was a cosmetic one, yet she
still paid for them in full. Six
and

years later, she was diagnosed

of s

with an autoimmune disease

d

ol
la
rs.
called Hashimoto’s thyroiditis
and doctors said removing her
implants would likely improve

her health. She was also told that
the $16,000 for the type of
explant she needed was consid-
ered elective and therefore not
covered. She still hasn’t been
able to come up with the money.
FOR SICK WOMEN WHO ARE
financially able to get explant
surgery, it can change every-
thing. In a July 2020 study in
Annals of Plastic Surgery,
researchers found that those
experiencing symptoms of
breast implant illness saw an
improvement in their health
within a month of having their
implants removed. Like Lauren
Dearman, who had explant sur-
gery last November.
She was just 20 when her
parents offered to pay $8,000
for her C-cup breast implants.
Six years later, she began to have
severe abdominal issues and
chest pain, bad enough that
she went to the ER. She was
tired all the time and had such
trouble focusing that she
couldn’t even write a to-do list.
She couldn’t climb the stairs
to her third-floor apartment
without gripping the railing.
Her boyfriend told her she was
out of shape. Her boyfriend, she
knew, was wrong.
When she came across a
Facebook group where women
were talking about breast
relationships and jobs, and go
bankrupt in an effort to save
their health. “Women are essen-
tially told that their health
issues are their fault,” she says,
“because they chose to get
implants.”
In 2019, the FDA said it was
putting more effort into
educating doctors and patients
on the “systemic symptoms”
many women with implants
Wo m e n like B ail ey (l e f t) st ill experience. Although they
h a ve n’t b e e n a b l e t o a f f o rd ex p l ant also still say they don’t have
surg e r y, w hil e L a u re n h a d t o t a ke o u t
“definitive evidence demon-
a h e f t y l o an t o p a y f o r h e rs.
strating breast implants cause
these symptoms.”
implant illness, the stories read Doctors, too, remain reluc-
like her own medical file. tant to get onboard. “To recog-
Within weeks, she made an nize breast implant illness
appointment with a surgeon in is to kill the goose that laid
Chicago who agreed that her the golden egg,” says H. Jae
implants could be at the root of Chun, MD, a Newport Beach,
her health issues. Lauren cried California, surgeon who special-
when she learned how much the izes in explant surgery. “And
surgery would cost. Her parents many doctors just aren’t going
couldn’t pitch in financially to mess with the goose.”
this time, so Lauren withdrew In the meantime, one of the
$2,500 from savings and took only options for desperate
out a personal loan for $6,500 patients is the National Center
so she could have the proce- for Health Research’s program
dure. At $190 a month, she’ll to help women navigate the path
be paying it off for the next to explant. They don’t give out
three years. But she feels so money, but if a woman has
much better now. health insurance, they’ll do
In a health care system that what they can to coach her and
has no problem paying for her plastic surgeon through the
Viagra (and Viagra overdoses), insurance maze. Often, that
the fact that women like Lauren means helping fill out paper-
have to finance their medical work explaining why the proce-
care is infuriating, says Cari M. dure is medically necessary. It’s
Schwartz, a lawyer at the firm a process that can take months
Kantor & Kantor in California. and still results in a denial the
Schwartz is working on majority of the time, says Diana
bringing a class-action lawsuit Zuckerman, PhD, the group’s
against insurance companies president. But so far, they’ve
that deny explant coverage. helped more than 1,500 women
She’s interviewed hundreds get the explants they need.
of women across the country Annie doesn’t have the $7,500
desperate to get their implants for hers yet. She did get a new job
out. In every case, insurers and had started saving up, but
denied coverage, even when she lost it during the pandemic.
physicians deemed removals So she’s been scrolling through
medically necessary. Schwartz job listings, many of which tout
has seen women rack up credit- great health insurance benefits.
card debt, borrow money, lose Not that it matters.
 MASK
e a r a damn
W

an i
t)
(

d d o
loo u
k cu y o
“G
oi
ng
te while 2 0 20
.

t
ou
t” m a k e i
akeup, but m
Words by Photographs
L A U R E N by
B A L S A M O Q U I L L E M O N S

In case you missed it (BUT WE’RE SURE YOU DIDN’T), face masks
are the new norm. So we sent some of the coolest ones we could find to some
of the coolest makeup artists we know to devise ~exemplary eye makeup
looks~ for pairing with your new must-have (LITERALLY MUST-HAVE,
DON’T MAKE US COME FIND YOU) accessory.

102
C O S M O P O L I TA N

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 0
 s t a t e m e n t

watercolor “This mask reminded

me of the watercolor
eye makeup trend.
I wanted to do a
version by blending
together a bunch
Raisa Flowers, @RaisaFlowers
of bold colors on my
lids and brows.”

HERE’S HOW

1 “I created an all-
white base with Make
Up For Ever’s Color
Cream in White, $30,
to ensure the pig-
ments would really
pop. Using the Sug-
arpill Capsule Col-
lection palette in
C1, $42, and the
Coloured Raine Vivid
Pigment palette, $50,
I put shimmery light
blue and periwinkle
all over my lids and
then created a dra-
matic wing by drag-
ging blue shadow
from the middle of
my lids past my outer
corners.”

2 “For my brows, I
buffed a bright pink
on the inner corners
and light- and dark-
purple shadows in a
teardrop shape on my
outer corners. I used
a liner brush to apply
those same bright-
pink, shimmery blue,
and periwinkle shad-
ows under my lower
lash lines as well as
a hint of yellow in my
inner corners.”

3 “Last were my
lashes: a few swipes
of Nars’ Climax Mas-
cara, $24, and a
set of wispy falsies
from Ardell for extra
length.”

M ASK:
Jonathan Simkhai, $48 for 2,
jonathansimkhai
.com. Elsie Frieda earrings,
$145, elsiefrieda.com

104
C O S M O P O L I TA N

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 0
 HEY YOU, NEED A
NEW MASK?
M ASK:
Check out our collab with Echo at
Res a, $20 f o r 2,
EchoNewYork.com/cosmo. Cut e as hell, and revo l ve.c o m
we’ll donat e t o Until We Do It, an
organization dedicat ed t o
providing COVID -19 relief t o vulnerable
communities.

“I really wanted my
eyes to be fresh
and summery, so I
decided to do them in
the same pink color
as the mask.”

HERE’S HOW
glossy

1 “I started by
applying a layer of
Bite Beauty’s Power
Emily Cheng, @EmilyChengMakeup

Move Creamy Matte

a n d

Lip Crayon in Nonino,

$24, all the way up to
my creases using my
fingers (even though
it’s meant for lips, the
texture of this crayon
makes the perfect
base for shadow).”
s o f t

2 “With a dense
shadow brush, I
pressed a pink-peach
powder from the Desk
colors in Charlotte
Tilbury’s Pillow Talk
Instant Eye Palette,
$75, right on top and
blended a lighter
shade out of the
edges using a pointed
shadow brush.”

3 “To give my eyes

and lashes definition,
I smudged Danessa
Myricks’ Waterproof
Cushion Liner in Black,
$15, between my
upper lashes and cre-
ated a subtle winged
effect, then layered
two coats of Two
Faced’s Better Than
Sex Waterproof Mas-
cara, $25, on my top
and bottom lashes.”

4 “To finish, I put the

teeniest amount of
clear gloss (I like The
Lip Bar’s Lip Gloss in
Minimalist, $14) onto
my ring finger and
gently tapped it on
the center of each lid.”
3 t r i c o l o r

smoky
Ya s m i n I s t a n b o u l i, @Ya s m i n i s t
M ASK:
Th e M ight y
Co mp any,
$25, t h e
might yc o m
p any.c o m

“As soon as I saw this

mask, I knew I wanted
to create something
super bright and
dramatic.”

HERE’S HOW

1 “I started with my
brows, using Anasta-
sia Beverly Hills’ Brow
Wiz, $23, to define
their shape, fill them
in, and brush them
up. Then I primed my
lids with a little bit
of Fenty Beauty’s Pro
Filt’r Instant Retouch
Concealer, $26, and
set that with a match-
ing nude shadow.”

2 “I took Urban
Decay’s 24/7 Glide-
On Eye Pencil in
Deep End, $22—it’s
the most gorgeous
turquoise blue—and
used it to line my
entire upper lash lines
and the outer third of
my lower lash lines.
To give the liner a dif-
fused effect, I used
two different blue
powder shadows (one
light, one dark) and a
fluffy blending brush
to smoke it all out.”

3 “On the inner part

of my lids just below
my brow bones, I
tapped on the lime-
green shadow from
the Claropsyche
Real Fantasy pal-
ette, $45. And on my
inner corners, I used
a tiny shadow brush
to apply Stargazer’s
Neon Eye Dust in Red,
$6, in a V shape.”

4 “Finally, I went
in with a few quick
coats of Hourglass’s
Caution Extreme Lash
Mascara, $29, on
my top and bottom
lashes.”

106
C O S M O P O L I TA N

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 0
 cat eye

“I wanted to balance
Delina Medhin, @DelinaMedhin

the rich, dark fabric

of this mask with
b r i g h t

a super-bright eye—
specifically a lime-
green cat eye with a
little extra detailing
to match.”

HERE’S HOW

1 “To get the wing,

I used MAC Cosmet-
ics’ Eye Kohl Eyeliner
in Minted, $19, the
perfect mint green,
and layered Danessa
Myricks’ Colorfix
24-Hour Cream Color
in Primary Yellow,
$18, on top, letting
a hint of the yel-
low extend past the
edges.”

2 “For my lashes, I
took Maybelline New
York’s The Falsies Lash
Lift Washable Mas-
cara, $10.50, and
wiggled the wand
from root to tip, really
focusing on the base
of my lashes to create
a faux-liner effect.”

M ASK:
Fall o n, $80, f all o njewe lr y
.c o m. M o uns e r e a r rin gs,
$150, m o u ns e r.c o m.
3 “The simplest
detail was the little
crystal under the cen-
ter of each eye. To
get them to stick, I
applied a dot of cos-
metic glue to my skin,
waited 30 seconds
for it to get tacky,
then took a tiny crys-
tal and gently pressed
it right on top.”
10 8 Cosmopolitan September 2020

Fashion by CASSIE ANDERSON

Photographs by TIMOTHY SMITH

Wo rds by R ACH EL TO RG ERS O N

REM EM BER
b e c a u s e t h e o re t i c a l l y a t s o m e
B e h o l d t h e s e n e w c u t e o n e s,

PUMPED FOR THIS (HEH)

p o in t y o u’l l g e t t i re d o f s l i p p e r s.

Wow, it has been a minute since I wore anything with height.

I’ll be easing back in with this velvet- on-velvet combo to remind me of my pom-pom
house shoes and teddy socks.
Marco de Vincenzo heels. Simone Wild socks.
 THIS. COLOR.

Getting rid of ever ything in my closet that doesn’t

go with bright light green right now. Seriously, why
wear any other shoe?

Fenty heels. Mateo New York anklet.

*i m a g i n e s t h e s o u n d o f
t h e s e c l o m p i n g d ow n a h a l l w a y *
 *l o o k s f o r g l a m o r o us
11 0 Cosmopolitan September 2020 r o b e t o w e a r w i t h t h e s e*

BEAUTY BONUS

L eve l up yo ur at-ho m e p e di
g am e wit h a f ew dro ps of S all y
H anse n Vit amin E N ail and
Cutic le Oil, $8, o n e a c h t o e.

J US T SOM E R E A S O NS H E E L S A R E S T I L L G R E AT:

1. They can make you tall enough to skip the stepladder.

2. They upgrade your walk to the mailbox.
3. Instagram.

Jimmy Choo heels. Agolde jeans. The Last Line anklet.

 B U T FI RS T, FR I N G E
Omg, I’m absolutely WORTHLESS until I get
my morning strut in front of the mirror wearing
crystal-fringe sandals. Can you relate?

Area heels and pants. Brent Neale ring.

 UM , H AV E YO U S E E N T H ES E?!
They truly deserve every ounce of your attention. I can’t
focus on anything else. Literally trying to write a magazine
caption right now, but I cannot.

Nº21 by Alessandro Dell’Acqua heels.

11 2 Cosmopolitan September 2020

M y s t e r i o us s py h e e l s: a c t i v a t e d .
M O D E L : M E I S H A B R O O K S/ PA R T S M O D E L S . F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N , G O TO C O S M O P O L I TA N .C O M .

I D K W H O N E E DS TO H E A R TH IS, BU T…
…wearing socks with your sandals can make them
last well into the fall and winter. Plus, it looks super
cute. Shout-out to another adorbs monochrome
situation.

Chloe Gosselin heels. Comme Si socks. RE/DONE jeans.

t he l ast p a g e

Welcome to a land where ever y thing’s (mostly)

tidy, the air smells heavenly, and song lyrics
materialize out of dreams. Also known as…
Kelsea Ballerini’s bedroom.
I n my ni g ht st a n d
By MADELEINE FRANK REEVES

MY OVER ALL
NIGHTSTAN D VIBE
Organized! Organizing
all the drawers in the
house has been my
quarantine project.

WHAT’S ON TOP
Good smells. I’ve got
Le Labo room spray, an
essential-oil diffuser with
lavender and eucalyp-
tus, and a fire-hazard
amount of candles.

AND WHAT’S
INSIDE
My journal. Inspiration
always strikes at incon-
venient times, like 3 a.m.
I like to jot it down. Also:
old thank-you notes and
birthday cards (I save
them all).

WHAT I STE AL
FRO M MY PA R T-
NER’S SIDE
His massage gun, when I
don’t feel like stretching

MY WORST
Ce le brat e t his Virg o BEDTIME HABIT
que e n’s b-d a y (S e pt e m- I make tea every night
b e r 12) by stre aming
but always forget to
her new album, Ke lse a.
bring the cup back to the
kitchen. There are seven
cups on there right now.
Ew, I know.

CURRENT BEDTIME
READING
Untamed, by Glennon
Doyle

WHEN IT COMES
TO AL ARMS, I…
Need three. The
first is a warning, the
second is a reminder,
the third is GTFU.
P E G G Y S I R OTA .

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