8 Ways Childhood in 2020 Is Not

as Fun as the 80’s and 90’s

 
But we know things are better with shoulder restraints, air bags,
educational television and a modicum of vegetables.
September 7, 2020 by Gavin Lodge Leave a Comment

Childhood in 2020 is very different from the 80’s and 90’s, and that’s all for the good. Safety
and health are tantamount to parenting, as opposed to convenience and convenience back
when we got to ride without seat belts munching a lunch of fruit roll-ups.

But we know things are better with shoulder restraints, airbags, educational television and a
modicum of vegetables.

Nonetheless, I know my kids’ childhood in 2020 is less fun than my own. In addition to my
quick list of archaic pleasures, what will your kids miss out on?
1. Processed foods. I ate Mac’n Cheese, Kool-Aid, Fruity Pebbles, Pop Tarts and Fritos.
And there was no about their nutritional value. But my kids will only have those on special
occasions. (Like at the frequency of Haley’s Comet visits.) Now we worry about red dye,
HFCS, and chemical additives that render food addictive. And we obsess over our kids eating
vegetables. Actually, red dye confounds me. But I totally obsess over the veggies. In my
childhood, canned creamed corn counted as a vegetable. And I will never serve that to my
kids as a vegetable. Unless we’re camping. Actually, they can eat all those foods can be eaten
when camping. All bets are off camping. But every day? Sorry guys. You’ll never have it as
good as I did.
2. Seat belts. My dad drove a Volvo in the early 80’s. There was a black grip bar that
inexplicably (to me) jutted out from the dashboard. When riding in that car, I’d hold onto the
black handle to get myself as close to the front windshield as possible. Occasionally Dad
would ask, “Gavin, please sit back and put on your seatbelt.” “No,” I’d respond. “Well, then,”
he’d compromise, “at least lock your door.” Yeah, kids. That’s never going to happen, again.
3. And speaking of driving: the front seat by age three? Not gonna happen. Sorry. Please
proceed to the back of the car with less of a view.
4. Saturday morning cartoons. My parents didn’t monitor me. I watched hours of
cartoons until at least 11 AM. If I woke up early enough, I could catch the full 90 minutes of
The Smurfs from 6:30 to 8. I didn’t have to worry about “what else was on” because I didn’t
have a remote control. Few choices meant fewer worries. Now, let’s face it: with Netflix and
YouTube, cartoons are less special and the sheer volume of videos at fingertips means less
enjoyment and more worry what they’re missing. Instead, they schizophrenically tap between
videos without indulging in the pleasure of calm watching. I lived for Saturday mornings.
Kids, you’ll never know such bliss. I won’t allow it. Oh, and half hour of screen time. Tops.
Except when daddy needs a break. So…whatever I say. And go read a book.
5. Classroom holiday parties with tons of sugar and nuts. Parents didn’t avoid the sweets
and no one had allergies. Sorry, guys. With carrot muffins masquerading as “treats”, you’ll
never have it as good as I did. Sorry. I have to play by the rules, now, too.
6. Russia was the bad guy. The world was black and white. Sure, I lay awake thinking
about nuclear holocaust. But now? Yikes. Hurricanes, terrorists, cyclone bombs, CV-
19, and Russia? Life seems more and more like an episode of 24 every twenty-four hours. I’ll
do my darnedest to protect you. And I hope you don’t lie awake at night worrying. I’ll do the
worrying for you.
7. Passing notes. I mean, I haven’t been in a junior high class in a long time. But passing
notes, and the challenge of hiding it from the teachers? We lived for that. Plus, “do you like
me? Mark the boxes ‘yes’ or ‘no’” is so much more titillating than sexting. Please, please
don’t send naked pictures of yourself. Just draw them on paper and pass them in class. I’ll
talk to the teacher if you get caught.
8. We didn’t have to be so friggin’ good. You have to volunteer for half a dozen
philanthropies to qualify for junior high entrance, not , let alone college admissions. In my
day, only serious over-achievers (with over-involved parents) did anything We watched
Saturday morning cartoons and ate Frosted Flakes. You have it way worse, kids. I expect you
to be volunteering for blood drives and writing non-profit grants by second grade. You’ll
learn empathy, damn it.

What has my fatigue-fog made me forget? I want to know what your kids will miss out on in
their childhood in 2020!