Professional Documents
Culture Documents
16 SEP 2020
International net loss, expecting a decrease of more strength to support moose in orbit.
than five percent on last year’s 50,000 According to John Johnson, head
Moose Count moose counted. The head of Singa- of the NASA Moon Sizing Experi-
pore’s Agency for Agriculture, Jing- ment the first delivery of moose into
Underway Feng Lau, explained to an incredu- low moon orbit could be achieved as
lous Singaporean parliament yester- early as the third quarter of next year.
By BOB O’BOBSTON
day that bad weather had contributed The technology to nurture moose in
to this season’s poor showing, most space is available now’’, he said, ’’all
notably when a cargo of 150 moose that is needed is political will’’.
The UN-sponsored International were swept out into the Indian ocean
Moose Census got off to a flying in a monsoon.
start today with hopes for an increase Yet again the global demand for Granny wins
in the worldwide moose population moose will be met largely by the
compared to last year’s disapointing US and Canada. The recession-hit World Wrestling
States is taking comfort in its moose
figures. Among the traditional early
reporters were Egypt, returning fig- growth figures with gross production
Championship
ures of six moose, a twenty percent expected to break 700,000 and net ex- By ROY MCROYSTON
increase on 2011’s figures of five, and ports to grow by 2%. The worldwide
Uruguay whose moose population re- dominance of Canada shows no signs
mains stable at eleven. of abating though with this year’s
According to Robbie McRobson, moose population expected to match Records were smashed in
head of the UN Moose Preserva- last year’s record figures of one hun- Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Cham-
tion Council, worldwide moose num- dred million billion. pionship last night as 78-year-old
bers are expected to grow markedly Europe’s rise as an international Maud Johnson, grandmother of five,
on last year due to the traditional moose power will slow slightly this became the first woman for fifty-six
moose strongholds of Canada and the year as a response to the European years, and the oldest competitor ever,
United States, with the larger de- Union’s move towards standardising to claim the gold medal. She walked
veloping moose ecologies also poised the European moose. Stringent qual- away with her million dollar share of
to make gains. The largest percent- ity controls are holding back the de- the prize money, runner up Tommy
agege increase in moose will likely velopment of the eastern european Thompson from Nigeria taking half a
come from China’’, says McRobson, populations compared to last year million, and third place New Zealan-
The Chinese government has invested when they contributed significantly der John Smith receiving a warm
heavily in moose infrastructure over to europe’s strong growth figures. handshake from the umpire.
the past decade, and their committ- Norway, which is not an EU member Having started the tournament a
ment to macrofauna is beginning to but has observer status, strengthed rank outsider she began to impress
pay dividends’’. Since 2004 China has in numbers relative to the Euro area in her second match when she took
expanded moose pasture from 1.5% with numbers of Norweigian moose, US number three Ron Ronson by sur-
of arable land to nearly 3.648% and known locally as elk’’ expected to rise prise and subdued him in twenty sec-
moose numbers are expected to rise for the tenth consecutive year, partic- onds with her unique move that has
to 60,000 making China a net moose ularly thanks to a strong showing in been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip".
exporter for the first time. This is the last quarter. The injection of a new wrestling style
good news for neighbouring Mongo- As moose season reaches its close, into the tournament was welcomed
lia, a barren moose-wasteland whose researchers world wide are turning to by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and
inhabitents nonetheless have an insa- science in an attempt to boost next post-match breakdances have proved
tiable desire for the creatures. The in- year’s figures. NASA stunned the entertaining to fans. However, she
crease in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is scientific community today with the was still not expected to win in
anticipated to relieve pressure on the announcment of their discovery that round three last Wednesday, facing
relatively strained Russian suppliers, the moon is significantly smaller than off against title-holder Paulo "Spine-
but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of previously believed. This conclusion, Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un-
trade with its larger neighbour. which is the conclusion of a ten- derdog Johnson was soon showing her
Historically the only competitor year collaborative project, will have worth with stamina and agility easily
to China in the far eastern moose profound implications for the moose matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s
markets has been Singapore but the community as the gravitational field experience paid off initially as he took
tiny island nation is set to report a is now known to be of the right the first two rounds, but as John-
Clock 16 SEP 2020 2
son became more confident her su- only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe the road and back whenever I felt my
perior strength came to the fore and and slender, some would say scrawny, arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy
she clawed back two rounds to take figure belies her agility and strength added "I always knew she could do
the contest into a decider. By this which she demonstrated by holding it. She’s my grandma.". The young-
time Lutti’s body language indicated Thompson above her head several ster is also her manager and has re-
that he already felt overawed by the times during the bout and throwing portedly arranged sponsorship deals
pretender to his crown, and the new- him into the crowd once. With the which will dwarf her one million dol-
comer took advantage of this to en- scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the lar prize fund. Her new contract with
gage a mutual headlock which she contest went to a panel of judges to be headband designer Nike alone is set
held for three hours until the Vat- assessed. They awarded Thompson a to earn her fourteen billion dollars
ican man retired from exhaustion. C grade whilst Johnson received an over the next year. She will also be
The next seven matches were barely A, becoming the first grandmother to promoting Tupperware, Halliburton,
a contest as the news of Johnson’s ever win the title. the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala
supremacy overawed all her oppo- The new champion explained her Bingo. Her continued participation in
nents who became too indimidated to success as the result of a strict train- the sport is not assured as she wants
fight properly. ing regimen instituted by her coach to spend more time on her bungee-
Nigerian Tommy Thompson is and grandson five-year-old Sammy jumping business, and knitting. Ev-
also a relative newcomer to the Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten eryone here at the World Champi-
wrestling scene, but with his 210lb raw eggs for breakfast every morning, onships, however, hopes for her re-
frame he was expected to fare well sprinting fifty miles a day and carry- turn.
against Johnson who weighs in at ing my daughter’s car to the end of