Title:

What Creates Self-Esteem?

Word Count:
686

Summary:
We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways
that will never create self-esteem.

Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:

� You make a lot of money?

� You achieve a high position in your work?

� You have an expensive car or an expensive home?

� You are famous?

� You find the right relationship?

� You receive approval from the important people in your life?

While all of these can result in momentary ...

Keywords:
self-esteem, self improvement, personal growth, spiritual growth, self help, love

Article Body:
We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways
that will never create self-esteem.

Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:

� You make a lot of money?

� You achieve a high position in your work?

� You have an expensive car or an expensive home?

� You are famous?

� You find the right relationship?

� You receive approval from the important people in your life?

While all of these can result in momentary good feelings, none of them create a
deep and abiding sense of self-esteem.

Self-esteem actually has nothing to do with your achievements or with other people.
Self-esteem results from two things regarding your inner relationship with
yourself:

� How you see yourself

� How you treat yourself

Richard, a client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives
is a big house, has expensive cars, a lovely wife and three children. But Richard
consulted with me because of his low self-esteem. He was perplexed that he
continued to feel so inadequate in spite of all that he had achieved and all that
he had.

As we worked together, it became apparent that, no matter what the outer truth was,
Richard continued to see himself as the inadequate child his father told him he
was. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with
him. And not only did Richard constantly judge himself as his father had judged
him, he treated himself as his father had treated him � ignoring his own feelings
and needs. As a result, Richard was always looking to others for the attention and
approval that he didn�t receive from his father and was not giving to himself.
Instead of being a loving parent to the child within him, he was a harsh and
inattentive inner parent.

Jackie, another client of mine, is a very successful actress. Yet fame and fortune
have not given her self-esteem. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful
and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time. This
is because, on the inner level, Jackie is constantly telling herself that she is
stupid. �How could I have made that stupid remark!� �How could I have acted so
stupid?� Mirroring her mother�s own self-judgments and her judgments toward Jackie,
she is constantly putting herself down. Until Jackie learns to see herself through
eyes of truth rather than eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate
and insecure.

It might make it easier to see how you create your own high or low self-esteem if
you think of your feeling self as a child within. No matter how much you achieve or
how much approval you get from others, if you are treating your inner child badly �
by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself - you will continue to feel
inadequate. If you continue to see yourself through the distorted eyes of your
parents, siblings, peers or teachers, and continue to treat yourself the way they
treated you or the way they treated themselves, you will continue to have low self-
esteem. If you open to seeing the truth of who you really are � a beautiful divine
soul who just wants to love � then you will treat yourself as you would treat
anyone whom you saw as a beautiful divine soul. When you take loving action in your
own behalf, you will feel valued rather than inadequate. Loving actions might
include:

� Speaking up for yourself with others and telling your truth without blame or
judgment in conflict situations.

� Taking care of your body through eating well, getting enough exercise, enough
sleep, and so on.

� Creating a balance between work, rest, play and creative time.

� Treating yourself and others with respect and compassion rather than with
judgment.

� Attending to - rather than ignoring - your own feelings and needs.

� Taking the time to pray and meditate.

� Choosing to notice your thoughts and practicing inner self-discipline regarding

your thoughts.

When taking loving action in your own behalf replaces your inattentive and
judgmental behavior toward yourself, you will feel high self-esteem.