2019-09-01 Cosmopolitan USA PDF

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THE
SECOND
OF
W H Y,
OFFICE
The
sex
B AT H R O O M
MIRROR?
trend
that’s only
P. 46
for patıent
people
The
adultıng
10
situationships
you didn’t
test( NOT EVEN
THE OLDS
GET 100 )
I’m begging you
even iced
realize coffee it is
you’re ın
“I’m going to fight
for a second chance
until somebody f*cking
gives me one.”
“I am my
o w n b o s s .”
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DILLARD’S
sept
g.
dbre akin
oun
Gr
? Fo r f a ll?
cover
stories
ots
Bo
18 The adulting test
46 Why, office
bathroom
mirror? Why?
84 The sex trend

that’s only for
patient people
inside
86 10 situationships
you didn’t even
realize you’re in
18 yo u
110 The second
30 celeb
coming of Iggy
40 f ashio n
54 beaut y
71 ast r o l o g y
Gucci bomber, top, skirt, 80 l ust
and bag. Roger Vivier boots.
Jimmy Choo sunglasses. 94 life
Adeam earrings
110 f e a t u r es
143 sh o p pin g
T Y L E R J O E . S E E PA G E 14 3 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .
ON THE COVERS
Cover: Jay Godfrey at Saks Fifth Avenue dress. Yeprem rings. First inside cover: Michelle Mason dress. Pologeorgis faux fur stole.
Anna-Karin Karlsson sunglasses. Second inside cover: Chinti & Parker dress. Marimekko hat. Mercura NYC sunglasses. Jennifer Fisher earrings. To get Iggy’s look,
try Colour Riche Matte Lipstick in Matte Mandate, Colour Riche Monos Eyeshadow in Matte-Ison Avenue, Voluminous X Fiber Mascara in Blackest Black, True Match
Lumi Glow Nude Highlighter Palette in Sunkissed, Infallible Total Cover Foundation in Natural Beige, all by L’Oréal Paris.
Photographed by Eric Ray Davidson. Styled by Aya Kanai. Hair: Francisco Maymi (Hair by Fran). Makeup: Lora Arellano using Melt Cosmetics. Manicure: Julie
Kandalec. Props styled by Chelsea Maruskin for Art Department. Shot on location at 420 Kent Avenue, Luxury Apartment Rentals in Brooklyn
1 0 C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2019
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e d l e t t e r
HION W
. FA S EE
S K
P. C OMING
IS
Why branch out
into fragrances, you There’s something ~differ-
ask? Do a magazine, ent~ about the mag you’re
website, YouTube holding, by the way. It’s
channel, Snapchat our first-ever Easter Egg
Issue, a contest we cre-
edition, Instagram
ated with our friends at
feed, etc. not keep TRESemmé to do some-
you busy enough? (I, thing cool: bring one
too, have asked this reader (and her bestie) to
question, most often NYC for Fashion Week.
circa 2 a.m.) I mean,

HERE’S HOW IT
yes, but there’s also
WORKS
this: We’re enthusi- Buckle in and get ready to
astic consumers of find all the secret clues
beauty products here hidden in these pages.
at Cosmo, just like The winner gets a trip to
New York City, tickets to
you (one-third of all
the Rebecca Minkoff fash-
beauty spending in ion show (you’ll even get
this country is done to meet the designer her-
by Cosmo readers!). self!), *and* a primp ses-
We also have bona sion with Cosmo beauty
H e r e’s
director Carly Cardellino
fide experts among
Vaccaro and a TRESemmé
us, like our team of stylist beforehand.
know-it-all beauty
E R I C R AY DAV I D S O N . S O U R C E F O R C O S M O B E A U T Y S P E N D I N G : 2 019 C O M S C O R E M U LT I - P L AT F O R M //G F K M R I M E D I A\ F U S I O N ( 3 -19/ F18 ); B A S E: W O M E N .

connoisseurs. And
a juic y
HERE’S WHAT
then the coup de YOU’RE LOOKING
grâce, the thing that FOR THROUGHOUT
made us realize that THE MAG
s e c r e t...
a Cosmo fragrance 3 trivia questions
about fashion shows that
line wouldn’t just be
TRESemmé has done the
fun for us to make but hair for (and yes, you
would also be exactly have to answer them!)
We’ve been busy what you need to 7 TRESemmé bottles
1 mention of a
lately at Cosmo HQ. buy: Perfume is the
TRESemmé product
Or I guess I should Or more lazy girl’s best secret hidden in a story
say, busier than accurately, the juice. weapon. It’s the dry 1 mention of the
usual. After hours, in Cosmo has officially shampoo of the Adult TRESemmé tagline
between our regular launched a brand- Woman world. The “work it” hidden in a story
1 mention of the
work, we’ve been new fragrance line, most bare-minimum
as TRESemmé tagline
covertly obsessing called Eau de Juice, st y h way of being just the
Thir “style without stiffness”
never
over a cool new proj- available in four looked right amount of extra. hidden in a story
c h ic e r.
ect. And as a staff of high-end scents at A quick spritz as you
self-professed bad Ulta Beauty stores rush out the door is And because I’m nice, I’ll
help you out: There are
secret-keepers (I am nationwide. (Did literally all you need
13 easter eggs in this
perhaps the worst, you know that in the to feel like a fancy issue, and you’ll know
being from the South, beauty industry, we bitch. And whose you’ve landed on a page
where “Okay, so I call the liquid inside inner fancy bitch that has one (or more!)
didn’t tell you this but” perfume bottles doesn’t want that? when you see these cute
little bobby pins.
is the beginning of “juice”? Hence the
half of all conversa- name—and the damn Collect them all, submit
tions), it’s been hard cute packaging.) your findings, and tell us
not to talk about. So what hair trend you think
is gonna be huge this sea-
thank god for today: Get thee to your
n e a r e s t U l t a. son at TheEasterEggIssue
the day I get to finally JESSICA PELS .Cosmopolitan.com. For
E a u d e J u i c e,
spill the tea. $ 55 e a c h EDITOR-IN- CHIEF more details on the whole
thing, flip to page 143.
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y o u
ulting
Ad Ed
ition!
NFESSA
CO Y
P l e a s e, d e a r
g o d, s o m e o n e
teach me
how to shop for
groceries
My body is 90 percent frozen piz za,
8 percent ramen, and 2
percent veggie burgers. @ me.
By EMMA BATY
?
shopping
K AT B O R C H A R T/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .
A: Noth
Q:
er y
W
ha
oc
t ’s gr
worse than
ing
Li
.
te
ra
lly n
o t hin g.
,
from flavors like sweet peach to lemon verbena to
a surprising, refreshing twist of invigorating mint.
you as new lif e
sl eh ch
ai o
ic
h
s k ing for
ic
es
A a
Wh
f
?
ri
en
t
d.
O K AY,
BUT
HERE’S
SOME
ACTUAL
he cold HELP
sweats
set in
around
11 a.m. every Sunday.
I open my fridge and
USE INSTA
see a barren waste-
“I follow my fave
land of old ketchup
food bloggers on
packets, which I saved Instagram and
for some reason, and save good-looking
one bag of shredded recipes when I
cheese that’s prob- randomly see them
N ’ T in my feed. It’s
ably been in there a I C A
easier to let the
liiittle too long. I order E V E N ideas come to me
P U T
a bagel (delivery, O N
rather than search-
because I’m lazy) and S .
ing for something.”
PA N T
face the inevitable: —S M I TA
GAU T U M , 29
I need to go to the
supermarket.
I am, and I cannot
stress this enough,
absolutely terrible at
grocery shopping. So I’ll head to the I wander the aisles PICK TWO
Like, go-in-with-good- store list-less. I wander VEGETABLES
intentions-but-come- the aisles like I’m in like I’m in a damn art “My best trick is
a damn art museum,
out-with-nothing-
but-boxes-of-instant- only to buy the same
museum only to to buy two fruits or
veggies that
ramen-level bad. three things I always buy the same three I can repurpose
for breakfast,
At least I’m aware do: a C-list frozen
of my issues. Let’s pizza, two boxes of
things I always do. lunch, and dinner,
like broccoli
start with planning. veggie burgers, and and asparagus,
Some people spend literally nothing else. to panic, and put it instead of buying
(Apologies to all the right back. a ton of produce.”
a quality chunk of And because I have
time laboring over the no concept of how to Chipotle employees After 45 minutes — L AU R E N
R O S E, 3 0
perfect shopping list. turn rando freezer-sec- I’ve stank-eyed before; of this, I look down at
But when I sit down tion swag into a legit guac probs should a semi-full basket and
to make one, it’s like breakfast, lunch, or cost extra.) And have think, This is fine. And,
I’ve never eaten a dinner, I forget about you checked out pista- ya know, it is fine.
real meal. Lasagna? stuff to eat *with* chios lately? You Less food in my
Never heard of her. those foods, like, IDK, basically need a six- fridge = less time ORDER
Baked chicken? Who buns, fries, a vegeta- figure salary to afford cooking = more time ONLINE
quality nuts (also, side rewatching Game of “I shop on my
K AT B O R C H A R T/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .
is she? And before ble, or uh, ranch?

you ask, I obviously But here’s maybe note: almonds, wal- Thrones or contemplat- grocery-store app,
nuts, and cashews so I can double-
know what Pinterest the biggest problem: ing how few dates I’ve
check my fridge to
is. But that’s almost Cooking requires can suck it for being been on this month. make sure I’m
too much food-shop- ingredients. Ingredi- equally bougie). Sorry (not sorry), gro- not buying some-
ping inspiration, you ents are really, really Sometimes I do get cery lists and Pinterest thing I already
ambitious and pick up, boards I never made. have and avoid
know? Which of the expensive. Like avoca-
like, a pack of cilan- impulse buys.”
5,000 zucchini-noodle dos. That shit’s pricey! I’m very busy!
—M ARIAH
recipes is best? Some- tro, stare at it as I do M U N D S, 28
one, anyone, halp. mental math, start
BAKE YOURSELF
A LITTLE CRAZY.
FROM THE AUTHORS OF THE BEST-SELLING

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you
ulting
Ad Ed
ition!
How “college ” is your bedroom?

Technically, Christmas lights aren’t a lamp. By EMMA BATY
M O S T LY A’ S
Yo u l i v e a t
H o m e G o o ds.
Your bedroom
is *actually*
FOUR What ’s your #ApartmentPorn.
st ance on hamp ers?
Age appropriate?
Tr ue a dulting a Pro. I have a wicker Sure.
= ke e ping a one in the corner. Best Sophisticated?
plant alive f or
six m o nt hs.
$40 I ever spent. Kinda. Not
embarrassing
b I have the collapsible
if anyone visits
one from my freshman
at 2 a.m.? Def.
year. It will outlive me
Give any of your
and my future children.
friends who got
c I use a designated C’s on this quiz a
chair. It counts. design assist.
FIVE It ’s a Sunday
morning. You’re
M O S T LY B ’ S
current ly snuggling
up in… Yo u ’r e d o i n g
a A pile of throw pillows
a m a z i n g,
and an accent blanket. sweetie.
You’ve officially
b My fluffy-ass duvet and
started to dabble in
the pillows I sleep on.
the decor arts, and
c My stuffed animals that’s great. You’re,
B E D R O O M : A LY S S A R O S E N H E C K . I N T E R I O R D E S I G N : E L S I E L A R S O N O F A B E A U T I F U L M E S S . A L L OT H E R S: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
and some fuzzy white like, one non-poster
pillows—or maybe my piece of art away
fuzzy white rug if I’m from truly calling
hungover. yourself a Grown.
M O S T LY C ’ S
TWO What ’s Yo u r e a d -
your he adboard ing this from
sit uation? your dorm
ONE You’re in the a I got a tufted one THREE IYO, S I X Hey: Where’s r o o m r n?
mood t o re de corat e, Christ mas light s the t owel you
at West Elm as Somebody call
so you go Amazon- should b e use d showered with this
soon as I got a Bobby Berk,
Priming for… for… morning?
raise. because your setup
a A tastefully framed a Trees? a On the wooden rack I
b I mean, I bought screams “eternally
abstract print that installed myself, tyvm.
it off the girl b Glowing up my 21.” If you’re legit
will look perfect in
who lived here windows! Their b I have one of those 21, cool. If not,
my “at home, bored”
before me...but it’s light is like an IRL metal hangy things on please see every
Instagrams.
actually nice. filter! my door. “A” answer in this
b Something fun under quiz and visit your
c Nonexistent. c Shoving into empty c Gooood Q. The floor?
$30. Maybe one of nearest laptop
wine bottles and Maybe?
those marquee signs? to order renter’s-
plugging them in
c Well, this tapestry takes when guests come insurance-worthy
up a lot of room, so IDK over, obviously. accessories.
if I need new stuff.
?
famous model c how
TRIVI
A Q : Which lose d Ch f a s h ion s
r i s t i a n S i r i a n o ’ s F e b r u a r y 2 0 19
22
Clean
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natural finish.
you
ulting
Ad Ed
ition!
MO
OS Q
C
Wait, yo u m a ke H OW m u c h?
We asked you ever y money question you’re not asking
your friends. B y T A Y L O R A N D R E W S
6
percent of you make $100K D o yo u m a ke m o r e t h a n yo u r # Wo r k W i f e? Be honest:
or more. (Hi! I nv it e us t o A r e yo u a c t u a l l y h a p py
y o u r y a c h t a n d g i v e us
y o u r H B O p a s s w o r d, p ls.)
16% I do, but only because CBD Zens me out w i t h yo u r s a l a r y?
enough to actually ask for a raise.
39%
48
She earns more than I do.
p e r c e n t o f y o u m a ke 4 5 K
I’m here for the sympathy HH frosés!
8%
o r l e s s. Ra is e y o u r h a n d Considering I spend most of my
if y o u’r e h us t lin g h a r d
days art- directing office
f o r t h a t $10 0 K lif e. 45% Wait, I’m supposed to know this?
#OOTD selfies, it’s good.
W h o a r e yo u m o s t c o m f y S o w h e n, I YO, is t h e r i g h t t i m e
40%
t a l k i n g m o n e y w i t h? t o r e q u e s t m o’ m o n e y?
I mean, it’s fine, but I’m always
in search of a few extra hundos.
9%
No one. I’d literally rather talk 6% 37% 57%
about my sex life with my father. When your When the CEO When you’re
boss starts using you’ve never met canceling BIP 52%
12% you as a couples signs a “Congrats watch parties No, but I’m putting in the werk
therapist. on one year!” letter. to work late. now to swim in diamonds later.
My coworkers. Well, only when
we’re not discussing my beef
with Terr y, the office manager.
31%
My friends. Help us, we’re poor.
48%
My mom. She knows what an IRA is
and I haven’t googled it yet.
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K . M A N I C U R E: M I S S P O P U S I N G ZOYA N A I L P O L I S H .
L e t ’s c h a t s a v i n g s .
D o yo u h a v e a ny?
27%
Yep. My 29%
bank app is
LOL, sure. Also,
real sneaky
Kat y Perr y is
about helping
JonBenét Ramsey.
me save.
Ble$$ up.
44%
I direct- deposit a bit of H
O
my paycheck each month. H E Y!
See you soon, bb! Wann a weigh
in? Fo ll ow us o n
Twit t e r f o r o u r
n ex t p o l l.
© 2019 Noxell Corp.
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you
ulting
Ad Ed
ition!
ESSIO
NF N
O S
C
Things we should have known

but just figured out
We, the Cosmo staf f, (a) are decently smar t humans but also (b) definitely
missed the memo on these semi - impor tant life lessons.
“I didn’t know
that you should
“So, cold brew change your
is *not* just a underwear
fancy name for every day until I
regular iced was 19. At that
coffee.... “I believed point, I was only
I found out ‘nauseous’ only switching them
after chugging “I just realized that Keanu Re eves meant ‘light- out every time
one and headed’...until I showered...
and Adam Driver are dif ferent
almost having I told my friend so, like, three
a caffeine- people. I haven’t watched any of
last week that times a week.
induced heart their stuf f, but I always se e them on I felt nauseous My college
attack.” my Twit ter timeline and I assumed and she asked, roommates were
—S A R A H that Keanu was, like...one of ‘Are you going talking about
WELDON, 24
Adam’s characters.” to throw up?’ it, and I was
and I said, ‘No, like, ‘WHAT?!’
— K AT I E C Z E R W I N S K I , 21
I’m nauseous, NO ONE TOLD
you dummy.’ ME.”
I should be —A N O N YM O U S,
nicer.…” TO PROTECT HER
F A M I L Y, 2 9
G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 7 ). C O N F E S S I O N S M AY H AV E B E E N E D I T E D F O R L E N G T H , C O N T E N T, A N D C L A R I T Y.
—HANNAH
CHA MBERS, 25
“Last week, I
learned that
Black Friday
is called Black
Friday because
it’s when
companies “I told my friend
are typically u
that my ideal
r e y o k n o w. .
mo . toast time is a
making a profit, he
level 3, for three
T
aka ‘in the the

less you
kn
ow minutes. She
black,’ instead
,y
of losing money, informed me

ouk
or ‘in the red.’ that the numbers

now?
Um, I also on the toaster

always thought dial actually
the opposite of indicate
‘in the red’ was degrees of
‘in the green.’” darkness.”
—T A Y L O R
—PAT T Y
ANDREWS, 24
C A M E ROTA , 2 4
SATEL
-LIT
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you
UR OWN ADV
S E YO EN
OO TU
RE
CH
How long can you

make it without calling
your mom?
Take our day-from-hell test and see how you do.
By SARAH WELDON
RT
S TA
A. B.
Good morning, sunshine! So
1
sorry to break it to you, but it’s It’s chill ’cause I’m never
I can brush not cr ying
not *actually* Saturday like So your manager
my teeth while on the way
you thought it was. It’s Friday. also spraying to work, so
points out the bags
And it’s now 11:07 a.m., since dr y shampoo this seems under your eyes
you forgot to set your alarm. like a champ. about right. when you walk in,
which, ugh. Then you
What’s your move? GO TO 1 GO TO 6
check the anxiety-
fueled to-do list you
wrote yesterday and
your heart drops
ter
d u os. even more when you
et
see “Make dentist
b
I ’l l w ai
Name
t. appointment.”
B. A.
2
I’m gonna take this This is too
opportunit y to finally much for
Your under-eye figure out my ancient today. I’m
office phone and dial delegating to
in a Very Important the dentist my coworker my assistant,
Meeting, waiting to says has movies Mom.
playing all the time. END
Presentation, when GO TO 2
A.
Curse at my phone,
and GTFO of there

before I lose my shit. 3
GO TO 3 A. B.
Once outside, you Um, my world is literally I guess it’s time I meet
B.
take a deep breath, crumbling around me. my mysterious landlord?
Pull up my big-girl pants
picture Harry I’m calling my mama, I just need to call my
and push down my feels
Styles winking, asking her to make me roommate to make sure
so deep my therapist
and count to three. dinner and maybe move that person exists and
will need to find them.
What’s next? in with me forever. isn’t a murderer.
GO TO 4
END GO TO 4
ulting
Ad Ed
ition!
ur* mom
*yo
ld
ll a scam
ou
pu fo
W
ry
o u?
A. B. 7
I google “IRS scam?” I google
and get lost in a black “how to Walking to your car,
hole of #Scamtent so move to you feel your phone
good I won’t be doing Mexico.” heat up in your bag.
actual work today.
GO TO 8 It’s actually, um,
GO TO 7 on fire?! You didn’t
even know that
could happen! You:
When you get to A.
your desk, you Stomp on it in the

have five voice parking lot and pray
mails from the IRS. for all my lost contacts
Congrats, you’re and passwords. Do I
getting audited! even know my mom’s
number anymore?
GO TO 9
5 B.
Risk burns to save my

This day was a one-way bb. I’d do anything for
ticket to Crazytown, but my children, okay?
you dealt with it like And my mom. Gotta
a queen. You can call call her to say ILYSM!
yo’ mama to give her
END
something to brag about
when she runs into your
high school ex’s mom.
8
END
The IRS goes silent, but
B.
of affirmation and the
I finally realize my
definition of tax fraud.
Virgo and her Aquarius
don’t mix (pro tip: check END
out p. 74). “Hey, Mom,
can you pick me up?”
END
9
A.
G E T T Y I M AGES.
I channel my inner Joanna You’re walking into

Gaines and calmly tell the your apartment, ready
roomie she’s not allowed to
to de-pants and have a Turn right around.
play Fixer Upper anymore.
Housewives marathon, I’m heading to
GO TO 5 when you spy your ex McDonald’s and
by your door. You... then buying a new
phone...to call Mom.
4
END
You find out that your Etsy-shop-

owning roommate attempted to fix
the hole with plaster and a shower
curtain. It didn’t work. So...
S e p t e m b e r 2019 C o s m o p o lit a n 29
c e l e b
T h e r e a l w inn e r of
T h e H a n d m aid ’s Ta l e is
M a d e lin e B r ewe r
Janine might be the underdog, but the woman who plays her is killing it.
By EMMA BATY
Cu
st
om
be
da
zz
led
he
ad
ph
on
es
.T
ha
t ’s
it.
Th
at’
s the
t w e et .
Believe it or not, Hustlers is a
comedy, despite the fact that the
women get all this money by liter-
ally drugging clients and running ful” for her. (Reader, I can tell you,
up their credit-card charges. It was no guy is too beautiful for Mad-
M a d e l i n e B r e w e r is really, Madeline’s first time in that type of eline—even Spencer, who is very
really afraid of dogs. So afraid of role, and she even got to do some beautiful.) At some point, there
them, in fact, that she will hardly improv, which is one of the hard- was a drunken moment on a
go near one when it’s in her gen- est acting skills to master (despite beach, and Madeline kissed him.
eral vicinity. With that in mind, seeming so easy). She was nervous Now they post pics of each other
we went ahead and hired an Irish to do the movie, in part because on Instagram eating fully loaded
wolfhound named Roland to pose of the “badass” actresses she was veggie dogs at Dodgers games.
alongside her for this photo shoot. working with. Things weren’t always Insta-
Roland is a good “I was, like, visibly shaking,” gram-level perfect though. They
boy…and also the she recalls. “J.Lo, at one point, were broken up for most of 2018
size of a show pony. “At one point, just grabbed my hand. She’s like, because she thought she was too
In our defense, she J.Lo grabbed ‘You’re doing great.’ It was really, young (she was 26 at the time) to
did agree to it before- be with the person she’d be with
C R E AT I V E D I R E C TO R : A B BY S I LV E R M A N . P R O P S S T Y L E D BY C A L E Y B I S S O N + S Y D N E Y B O W E R S . S E N I O R V I S U A L S E D I TO R A N D P R O D U C E R : R AY D E N E S A L I N A S H A N S E N . R O L A N D ( T H E W O L F H O U N D ): O W N E R S
hand. So when I ask

my hand. She’s forever. In a total flex, she went on
her about it later, the like, ‘You’re a date with none other than a pre-
P H OTO G R A P H E D BY R U B E N C H A M O R R O. S T Y L E D BY T I F FA N Y R E I D. S T Y L I N G A S S I S TA N T: C A R LY T H E D E R . H A I R : DAV I D V O N C A N N O N . M A K E U P : M I S H A S H A H Z A DA . M A N I C U R E: Y U K I E M I YA K AWA .
actress says she wants Priyanka Nick Jonas.

doing great.’”
to get a puppy of They met at the Golden Globes,
her own in the future and their eventual date was “fun.”
and thought shooting with Roland “He’s a nice guy. We went out and
J E S S I C A + S T E V E N I V E Y. T H I S PA G E, S T I L L : G E O R G E K R AYC H Y K / H U L U. C A M I L L A A N D M A R C D R E S S; E L I Z A B E T H C O L E E A R R I N G S . O P P O S I T E PA G E: B R O C K C O L L E C T I O N D R E S S .
would be a way to “face my talked,” she says. “He’s a sweet

fears.” All 177 pounds of them. person.” So what do you talk about
Risk taking almost seems like when you’re on a date with Nick
Madeline’s kink. That’s why she Jonas? “He’s a creative guy. Like,
plays such broken characters. Like we talked about creative stuff...”
Tricia, a drug-addicted prisoner she trails off. (I get it. Sometimes
in Orange Is the New Black. Or you wanna be mysterious.) But that
Alice, a cam girl whose identity date made getting back together
was stolen, in Cam. Or Dawn, a with Spencer sort of tricky.
stripper, in this month’s Hustlers, “We both dated other people,
alongside Jennifer Lopez. But and I obviously went on a date
you still might know her best as with someone very publicly,” she
The Handmaid’s Tale’s Janine, says. “Spencer’s friends were like,
the surprisingly honest handmaid ‘Hey, is your ex-girlfriend dating
who gets beaten over the head Nick Jonas now?’ and he was like,
with a can of soup just for being really nice.” By ‘What the fuck, Maddie?’”
nice to Ofmatthew. the way, Mad- The good news? They worked
At first glance, her part in eline confirms things out. The bad news? Made-
Hustlers has absolutely nothing in that J.Lo is the line’s been so busy, IDK, starring in
common with her part on Hand- most beautiful a major television show and prep-
maid’s. The movie is based on a person she’s ever seen up close. ping for the release of her first big
viral New York magazine article “J.Lo’s a bad bitch, honestly,” Mad- movie that she’s hardly had time to
Re m e mb e r
about a group of New York City eline says. “She is so talented and truly appreciate it. She’s working
t hat hot se c
strippers who band together to she g ot t o so hardworking.” on that though.
con a bunch of Wall Street frat-bro we ar an eye Considering three of her recent “Life is short, but it’s also meant
p at c h?
clients out of major $$$. But look jobs have been Hustlers, Hand- to be enjoyed,” she says she has
again and you’ll see a common maid’s, and OITNB, it’s safe to realized. “Instead of just constantly
thread: Janine and Dawn are both say Madeline’s worked with a pushing, pushing, pushing and
trying to make the best out of terri- lot of women. But she did find a moving toward the next thing, the
ble circumstances. The handmaids boyfriend somewhere in between next job, the next event…it’s meant
and the strippers are all just try- Litchfield and Gilead. She and to be enjoyed, you’re meant to
ing to “take matters into their own actor Spencer Neville have been experience it.”
hands,” as Madeline says. dating since they met while work-
ing on a TV show in 2016.
At first, she didn’t pay attention
to him because he was “too beauti-
ce l e b
o
r tw
fo
g
e o f yo u is THE OLIVER
in
on
’r e d r i n k
d a
TWIST
n
bi
... a
rd.
“I grew up really
you
poor. There was a

en
h
W point when we lived
in a tent for a year.
Then we lived in
motels. I went to
school from motels.
I spent the most time
in a small trailer
with my six brothers
and sisters. I always
looked at acting
as therapy, but I
was also driven by
wanting more for
myself and my family.
I just bought my
parents a beautiful
home.”
THAT HIGH-
LOW LOVE
“My fiancée has
nothing to do with the
industry, and I find
that to be relaxing
and peaceful.
We also come from
two different sides of
the tracks, like Romeo
and Juliet. She grew
up in a diplomat
kind of life, where
they had bodyguards
L uke
and all that stuff.”
NEW BEARD,
WHO DIS?
SLEEPER
“My character in
K l eint ank
BAE
The Goldfinch
becomes this sweet,
sad alcoholic.
He’s a heavier-set
guy, so I was like,
Hi and welcome to our new column, Sleeper I’ll just eat pizza and
let myself go.
Bae, where we intro you to an obsession you
I had a beard that I
don’t yet have but soon will. Let’s star t with this
T Y L E R J O E . S E E PA G E 14 3 F O R FA S H I O N C R E D I T S .
let get scraggly.

imminent internet boy friend and costar of There’s something
telling about a man
The Goldfinch (out September 13), shall we?
who just doesn’t take
By M O L LY S TO UT care of himself.”
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ce l e b
P-CULTUR
PO PACKA
E
RE G W E
A E AT
C W H
P R E S C R I B E
The perfect
p l a n for g e t t in g ove r 1
The soundtrack to
your life (right now)
starts with how-could-you
yo u r b r e a k u p
screamer “Drive,” by
M il ey Cy rus, and ends
with “L a y M e Dow n
(acoustic),” by original
Ex- bae WHOMST? sadboi S am Smit h.
By SAM FEHER
2 Nice Is Just a
Place in France,
It’s happening. You and bae are officially donezo, and there’s no turning
by The B et ches, g e t s a
back. In the midst of this angsty split, you’re not sure you’re gonna spot, front and center, on
make it. Except you will, with the help of some gas-station rosé, multiple your nightstand.
screens, and these cure-all entertainment recs.
3
You’re in the mood
for a li’l rebellion!
START Just FYI: This ~wild streak~
comes from a dark place,
So…why’d you split?
so watching teens rip off
celebs in The Bling Ring
I may have What’s the He’s moving (on Amazon Prime) is def a
overreacted politically to Africa Did you want to safer bet than drowning
slightly when correct way (or okay, break up? yourself in alcohol.
he was late to to say “HE IS just away).
H E A D P H O N E S , H A L S E Y, C Y R U S , S M I T H , S I VA N : G E T T Y I M A G E S . T H E B L I N G R I N G, T H E N OT E B O O K , H O W TO B E S I N G L E : A L A MY. P E N15: A L E X LO M B A R D I / H U L U.
our Euphoria CANCELED” Customize your
*dry- I can’t tell if 4
marathon. in 2019? breakup playlist
heaves into I’m smiling
paper bag* or crying? Is from head to toe, starting
cry-ling a with anti-love song “I’m so
1 thing? t ir e d…,” by L au v and
Troye Sivan, and ending
2 with H alsey ’s slow-burn
fuck-you “ W it hout M e.”
How have you handled stuff

like this in the past? There’s a podcast
5
called Guys We
F****d. Listen to it.
It takes some Immediate Do espresso I take myself Laughter is
time, but I regret and a martinis count on vacation therapy.
6 You need girl time
always get very incrimi- as breakfast? and post Nothing like
like Taylor Swift
through it. nating plea- endless thirst pushing your
needs T-shirts with cats on
mail that will 3 traps. It’s emotions so
them. Grab your BFF and
exist in my revenge szn! far down, you
two pints of ice cream
nightmares can’t feel
before streaming the LOL-
for the next 4 warmth!
till-you-ROFL Pe n15 on
16-plus years.
5
Hulu—you deserve it.
1
7 Watch The
N ot e b o o k on
Where is your happy place? YouTube (you = sad hermit
crab, and that’s okay).
Safe AF in the Alone in my Going on Dumping/getting

arms of my bed cave solo dumped is shitty,
C a n’t h e a r squad (featuring adventures but your life isn’t over—it’s
you over members— Doritos to “find just beginning. Watching
t h e s o u n d o f my
this is a job for crumbs). myself.” H ow t o B e Sin g l e on
CO M E BACK .
the A-Team. Amazon Prime will make
7 8 you want to hike the Grand
6 Canyon by yourself...and
then join Tinder.
ce l e b
The “
b* tch ”
H e ll o, 911? A
gir l is o u t h e re...
g row in g u p.
We root for feist y young stars...so

why does ever yone ghost when
they turn into feist y young women?
By LAURA BECK
s
Humphrey on Gossip
Girl—delight audi-
ences with their atti-
tudes. That is…until
they start to grow up.
assy girls Eventually, people of
are hilari- the interwebs seem to
ous, right? Something turn on the actresses
about these sweet themselves.
youngins acting like Hear me out—and
jaded, cheeky mini- let’s start with Taylor,
adults makes for who eventually gained
incredible entertain- a reputation for being
ment. See: Darby difficult on the set of
Camp as a precocious GG. Tim Gunn called
elementary schooler her “a diva” and
on Big Little Lies, “pathetic” after his expectation, some
calling her mother cameo on the show. At Clifford, was attacked people feel intimi-
“woman” and con- one point, there was on Twitter as “fat and able with the idea of dated enough to
trolling the family literally a Facebook ugly.” Millie Bobby these once-innocuous jump to one very
aux cord. Or Millie page called Taylor deleted her own Twit- tots becoming grown- loaded word: “bitch.”
Bobby Brown get- Momsen Is a Bitch. ter account last year ass women? No, they “It’s an unfair term,”
ting the bullies to sit (Way harsh, Tai.) after a tribe of trolls definitely are. But… says Dr. Saltz, espe-
TF down in Stranger Meanwhile, a teenage started #TakeDown why? According to cially because “men
Things. Or Abigail Abigail, releasing a MillieBobby Gail Saltz, who behave this way
Breslin’s pageant gal song after a purported Brown. And MD, clini- are simply deemed
B R E S L I N A N D M O R E T Z I N C H A R A C T E R : A L A MY ( 2 ). R E D C A R P E T: G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ).
defiantly dancing to breakup with 5 as soon as It’s hard cal associate ‘assertive.’”
“Super Freak” in Little Seconds of Summer Chloë Grace out there professor of Which…obviously
Miss Sunshine (#TBT). guitarist Michael became more psychiatry blows. And makes
for a
It’s like seeing a Chi- outspoken at Weill Cor- me want to speak
huahua dressed as a IRL, articles sassy-girl- nell Medi- up—loudly—for
lion for Halloween: started pop- turned- cal College, these junior adults’
“Hehe, that li’l nug- ping up with young-lady. it’s partly rights to be as strong-
get isn’t supposed to titles like because willed now as their
be all ferocious-like! “The Shady Side of of society’s implicit onscreen personas
Chloë Grace Moretz.” biases around what a once were. So if
the ones bordering Okay, so it’s hard woman is supposed 12-year-old Darby
on teendom—say, out there for a sassy- to be like. Dr. Saltz makes headlines in
girl-turned-young- breaks it down into a few years for being
vigilante Hit-Girl in lady. Maybe on some two parts: First, kids a diva, I’ll have
Kick-Ass or Taylor level, people are just can kind of get away my #DarbyCampIsA
deeply uncomfort- with a lot—even when Champ hashtag
then-scheming Jenny they act particularly ready.
extra, “people think
a d u l t i n g a t i t s f in e s t
F U R N I T U R E | U P H O L S T E R Y | L I G H T I N G | D É C O R | R U G S | M AT T R E S S E S | B E D D I N G | WA L L PA P E R
AVA I L A B L E AT
ce l e b
gonna
e ’r e ne
W e
d
a
big
Yo u r
ger rem
ot
e.
st r e a min g
h a b it is
about to get
a l ot m o r e
co m p lic a t e d
And more expensive.
Here’s your hack.
y
By EMMA BATY
D I S N E Y+
Your love affair with binge watching
might have started simply enough, with
APPLE T V+
a borrowed Netflix password back in
seventh grade, but these days, it looks
more like mainlining Netflix…and
Hulu and HBO and Amazon—every
HBO MAX single day. (Hey, it’s the golden age of
television, right?) And just when you
thought you had this whole streaming
NBCUNIVERSAL thing figured out, the universe rolls out
FOUR NEW PLATFORMS, each duking
it out for your $ and your eyeballs. So,
A P P L E R E M OT E, T H E S I M P S O N S : A L A MY. A L L OT H E R S: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
what, are you supposed to shell out

cks are in
g ha ye your entire paycheck just to keep up?
t hin ll ow
no ,
r- Nah. “Selective streaming” is the name
fo
FY
-
of your game. Start with this primer on

I.
ay
“I got access to
rp
my brother’s Hulu
the fate of your favorite shows, which
Yo u
account (he stupidly

uses the same password services you actually need, and what
for ever y thing) but didn’t
want him to know, so I
the hell this means for the future of TV.
named my profile
‘+Add New Profile.’”
“I logged
on to my boy-
friend’s email to
Your guide to the newbs reset his Netflix

password after I
forgot it.” B E H O L D,
YOUR BUNDLE
D i s n e y+ A p p l e T V+ HBO Max NBCUniversal
YOUR NEEDS
There’s way more This service will live So, you’ll get HBO Since the com- You must have all
to Disney than within the Apple TV content (hi, Game pany owns all the the TV shows. TV is
cartoon princesses. app you probs of Thrones), major NBC shows and everything.
The best of Pixar, already have on blockbusters, and Universal movies,
SUBSCRIBE TO
The basics
Marvel, and Star your phone, so it’ll the big DC super- there will be tons
Wars movies will be easy to access hero movies (Chris- of stuff to watch.
Apple TV+, HBO Max,
live here as one while you’re, like, tian Bale as Batman (The service itself and NBCUniversal,
big happy family. stuck at the airport is the only Batman is still nameless, because they’re about to
Plus brand-new TV during yet another we accept). BTW.) have the buzziest new
shows and movies, delay. (But you’ll stuff and the best oldies.
à la Netflix. pay an extra fee for
the Plus content.) BALLPARK BILL
$60/month (including
Netflix, obvs)
Besides the Plus is all about Highlights should It should have all
originals, so the include HBO your NBC s,
advantage to this classics, like Sex including SNL YOUR NEEDS
Yo u r f a v e s
got The Simpsons streamer is kinda and the City and and The Office, Classic movies. Your
and every new TBD, but it’s Apple Entourage, your and big Universal number one priority is
Disney movie and it’s original best films (A Star franchises like reliving your youth.
streaming here content. Chances Is Born, anyone?!), The Purge, Fifty
SUBSCRIBE TO
~exclusively~. are, it’ll be good. and the crown Shades, and Fast
jewel: Friends. and Furious. Disney+ and
NBCUniversal, because
the movie archive will be
extensive on both—from
High School Musi- The celebs are Kaley Cuoco, No announced
B r a n d! N e w! C o n t e n t !
Despicable Me to The
cal is coming back coming thru with plans (yet!) for
Incredibles.
as a TV show, and shows starring and Ansel Elgort original content,
Disney is launching Reese Wither- are among the but expect it to BALLPARK BILL
the first-ever Star spoon, Jennifer stars who’ve launch before the $19/month
Wars TV series, Aniston, Jason signed on to 2020 Summer
The Mandalorian. Momoa, and none new projects, Olympics, just in
Your dad will other than Oprah. from rom-coms to time for Hot Swim- YOUR NEEDS
be pumped. Oprah! true-story thrillers. mer programming.
You’re a reruns-only
kinda girl. The new stuff
isn’t for you.
The damage
$6.99 a month Rumor is that You’ll reportedly

or $69.99 a it’ll cost $16 or be able to sub- SUBSCRIBE TO
year, which is tends to be $17 a month. scribe for about NBCUniversal and
insanely low. expensive! $10 a month. HBO Max, because
The Office and Game
of Thrones both require
If you’re That Girl All we know so far We want it! This Honestly, worth it for yearly rewatches.
who knows all the is that it’ll have new one could change The Office alone...
O u r t a ke
BALLPARK BILL
words to “Colors shows we’ve never the game, based and did we mention
$46/month
of the Wind,” this seen. Consider us on how much Hot Swimmer
(including Netflix)
one has your name intrigued! content and $$$
written all over it. it has.
YOUR NEEDS
Reality TV is your
“I convinced life. You’re an amateur
my brother to ask WE CAN SEE THE FUTURE, AND... Reality Steve.
my parents for HBO
Now as a birthday SUBSCRIBE TO
gif t so I could W h a t ’ s t h e f a t e o f l i v e T V ? Dan Rayburn, a streaming video expert and analyst Eh, none of these.
use it.” at Frost & Sullivan, broke it down for us. Basically, live TV is not going away, thanks to one Hulu and Netflix might
major thing: sports. Companies like the NFL and MLB have contracts worth big bucks. still be your best bet.
BALLPARK BILL
O k a y , w h a t a b o u t t h e l o v e o f o u r l i v e s , N e t f l i x ? Netflix is the Regina George of “I used my $19/month

streaming, having lit-er-a-lly invented binge watching. But Rayburn says some of its rivals might start ex’s Netflix
to outpace it because, well, they have Toaster Strudel heiress money. “They can afford to lose money account for t wo
on original shows because they can make it up somewhere else,” Rayburn says. Disney’s a perfect years af ter we broke
example. It can make money in so many different ways: cruises, theme parks, toys, etc. Netflix makes up—I just watched
money only one way. Don’t panic yet, but soak up those Netflix weekends while you can. ever y thing using his
sister’s profile.”
L e t ’s p l a y a
game of
sh a g,
“
m a r r y, M ARRY
The shor t t we e d
k il l ” J ust as c l as sic as
yo ur grandma’s—
b ut wit h a li’l
more l e g.
w i t h f a l l ’s
b i g g e st
I
do
n ’t
t r e n ds
ma
ke th
e r u l e s, p
You might not
agree, but that’s
par t of the fun.
By L AUREN ADHAV
SHAG
The silk y slip

Yo u ma y b e ove r t his
st y l e in a minut e, b ut
yo u’ll re all y want
to we ar one at
l e ast o n c e.
KILL
The boho maxi

Save it for Coach-
ella. (On second
thought, maybe not
TREND 1
even then.)
Romantic
dresses
f ashion
TREND 2
TREND 3
Patterned
Bold
pants Bori
ng
ma
outerwear
rs
h
m
al
lo
w
co
at
?
Id
M ARRY on
’t k
now
h e r.
The cargo p ant
Extra pockets = more
room to stash booze
for the movies (see
page 100).
S H A
G
The st at ement co at
*Stefon voice* This has
everything: personality,
fashun sense, and DRAMA.
SHAG
Y
R R
The p l aid p ant M A
Remember Cher’s
plaid skirt? It’s
just as fire in pant
form.
KILL The l e a t h e r b lazer

In the words of Hannah
The “work ” p ant Montana, it’s the best of
both worlds.
The clothing version
of a sad desk lunch.
Nix it from your
L E AT H E R J A C K E T, S E A S H E L L N E C K L A C E: B L A U B L U T E D I T I O N . A L L OT H E R S: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
life!
Statement
jewelry
TREND 4
K I
L L
S H AG M A R RY K I L L The p e aco at
2000 is calling. It wants its
basic outerwear back.
Cr yst als Pe arls S e ashe lls
Sparkly and expensive- They’re your rock— Just toss ‘em back in
looking? Yesss, gimme. figuratively speaking. the ocean, pls.
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f ashion
TREND 5
Midi SHAG
Skirts
Whit e
Sure, it’s vulnerable
to stains, but you
love living on
REND 6
G
S H A
Color ful l e a t h e r
The material is still edgy,
but bright hues are way
less intimidating.
KILL
Slouchy
What’s under
there though?! (You
know, besides
your legs.)
M A
R R
Y
M ARRY
Skinny
These are the pants
you can’t live with-
out—and if that’s
not true love, idk
what is.
Pl e at e d midi
A timeless skirt with the per-
fect length doesn’t exi....
LL
KI
footwear
Basic
TREND 7
B all et t ull e
G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 9 ).
S H AG M A R RY K I L L
Leave the princess-y
vibes to the experts—
Ank le st raps Ut ilit arian b o ot s Sk y-high pumps
i.e., preschoolers.
Sexy talk: Your feet You two can get through Because you’re done walk-
won’t slide around. anything—literally. ing like a baby giraffe.
Healthy, beautiful
smiles for life.
THERE’S WHITENING,
THEN THERE’S
IMENSIONAL
WHITENING
#1 WHITENING BRAND.*
*P&G calculation based on Nielsen U.S. reported sales for year ending w/o 6/08/2019 © Procter & Gamble, Inc. 2019.
f ashion
Why do I look like a monster in

the office bathroom mirror by 2 p . m .?
Who is that gremlin I see, staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
By RACHEL TORGERSON
b ut your
outfit
looked
so cute this morn-
ing, right? Look,
sitting at a desk
S
O
TI
ME
P S
BEAU
FOR
TY
YA
DON’T PILE ON
MORE MAKEUP
for hours on end Before you load
is hard...on you up on more con-
and your clothes. cealer/blush/
re d/ etc., spritz on
Here are six stealth ss
le some face mist.
s w i n g y/
les
k
ways to look like It’s shocking

... e y e s l o o
rs
less s
skin how H 2 O can
ea
c
you have your shit a
bring every-
ly
together all day.

?
thing right back

together.
1. B e c r e a s e
G I V E YO U RS E L F
conscious A M I N I FA C E
M ASSAGE
.
Wear thick materi-

y. .
D Just for a min-

oe
m
als like denim or s th ke

is o ut fit ma ute! It’ll boost
wool, which hold circulation
to give you a
their shapes, or pretty glow.
wrinkle-resistant
fabrics like polyes- BAN MASCARA
SMUDGES
ter or nylon blends. Tubing mascara
Read that tag, bb! (i.e., the kind
that forms literal
2. Say bye to tubes on your
lashes) doesn’t
pit stains smear or trans-
Fun fact: White or fer like tradish
ones do.
light-colored tops in that pair of heels
hide your sweat bet- under your desk to SWITCH UP
T H A T PA R T
ter than dark ones about slips. Trust: soak up odor. You tape can mend a
Flip your hair to
do. If your sweat They somehow make can even wipe one broken seam, and the other side
glands are work- your clothes look through your hair to a pencil eraser can for the second
half of the day—
ing overtime (um, like they fit better, tame frizz (just not stand in for a lost
you’ll get all the
same), try wearing and they ward off a shoe one?). earring back. volume back.
a linen shirt. The static and keep butt
natural material sweat at bay. 5. Raid the 6. Bring the G R A B A TO I L E T-
M I R R O R : G E T T Y I M A G E S . G R E M L I N : A L A MY.
S E AT COV E R
absorbs sweat and supply closet (jewelr y) drama
Press it against
keeps you cool. 4. Stockpile If all else fails, your skin to
Packing tape, soak up excess
dr yer sheets a fab pair of ear-
sticky-side-up oil (I’m serious).
3. Add a layer They’re the ultimate rings will distract The material is
around your hand
BRB, calling multitaskers: Rub everyone from the almost identical
= your new lint to regular blot-
Grandma to tell them on your clothes roller. Double-stick fact that there’s ting sheets.
her she was right to get rid of deodor- toilet paper stuck
By LAUREN
ant or makeup resi- to the bottom of BALSAMO
due, or bunch ’em up your shoe.
FOR
ALL THE
MOMENTS CANDICE PATTON
WE
Stand Up To Cancer
Ambassador
STAND
UP
Since 2008, Major League Baseball® has
supported Stand Up To Cancer in its mission
to fund groundbreaking research and get
treatments to patients faster than ever before.
Join us as we stand united to show our support
for loved ones affected by cancer.
Visit StandUpToCancer.org/MLB
Stand Up To Cancer is a division of the Entertainment Industry Foundation (EIF), a 501(c)(3) charitable organization.
Photo By
MLB trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of Major League Baseball. Visit MLB.com ANDREW ECCLES
TO FIND A GREAT CANDIDATE,
GIVE TRADITIONAL HIRING
PRACTICES THE DAY OFF.
LEARN HOW TO FIND, TRAIN AND CULTIVATE

A GREAT POOL OF UNTAPPED TALENT.
f ashion
F DO I WEA
E EF R
TH TH
OW AT
H ?
Overall out fits that won’t make

you look like a 5-year-old AT
Cosmo staf fers demonstrate. WORK
By L AUREN ADHAV
98.6 percent sure

this ’fit shows up
when you google
“chic office
wardrobe.”
On JILLIAN
SELLERS, assistant
photo editor,
@Jillian Jillian7
FOR
THE
‘GR A M
Go all in with a
bold-print blouse
and sparkly kicks.
On SA M FEHER,
assistant to the EIC,
@SamanthaFeher
DAT E
NIGHT
Velvet overalls + BRUNCH

T Y L E R J O E . S T Y L E D BY S A R A H C O N LY. H A I R : S A R R A N A U S I N G O R I B E F O R A R T
D E PA R T M E N T. M A K E U P : M A R I E - J O S É E L E D U C F O R O D I È L E AT H O N E Y A R T I S T S .
see-through lace
TIME
= the perf equa-
tion for a dang
sexy lewk. Florals are
On GINA basic...but silk
PISACRETA, floral overalls?
ad coordinator,
F*cking fancy.
@GinaMPisacreta
On L AUREN
ADHAV, assistant
fashion editor,
@L Adhav
a l ls: b a sic a l l y t h e d e
over finiti s.
shu
n on of st nes
Fa yle wit hout stif f
On S am: Frame ove ralls, $330, f rame - st o re.com. The Kooples t o p, $258, t he ko o p l e s.com. Pollini b o ot s, $790, p o llini.com. Jennifer Fisher
e ar rin gs, $550, je nnif e r fishe rjewe lr y.com. On Gina: M ot he r ove ralls, $268, mot he rd e nim.com. Jud y Zhang t o p, $630, simil ar st y l e s a t
sharisp l a c e.com. M arskinr y y ppy he e ls, $395, marskinr y y p py.com. Shourouk e ar rin gs, $280, shourouk.com. L o e f fler Randall c lut c h, $250,
l o ef f l e r rand all.com. On Jillian: S ézane ove ralls, $180, s ezane.com. Sandro t o p, $340, sandro - p aris.com. Zimmermann he e ls, $650,
us.zimmermannwe ar.com. Simon Miller b a g, $590, simonmill e r usa.com. On L auren: Fleur du M al ove ralls, $625, f l e urdumal.com. Uniqlo T- shir t,
$10, uniql o.com. M arskinr y y ppy he e ls, $472, marskinr y y p py.com. Shashi e ar rin gs, $54, sho pshashi.com. Yuzefi b a g, $50 0, y uzefi.com
never u
r I ’d se
he
Never play the size

c
t ea
n o w.
th
me
ma
at
I t old my
ok
guessing game again

t lo
a g a i n, b u
Just tr ying to shop over here—why you got ta make it so hard?!

l l s
ski
e
By RACHEL TORGERSON
es
th
First things first: Get your measurements.

With so many stores to choose from online and IRL, it *should* be simpler than ever to add to cart. But the fact is,
figuring out your right size usually means busting out math you haven’t used since high school—or just holding your breath
and playing numbers roulette. So until retailers all over the world band together to standardize sizing, you’ve only
really got one option: become besties with your bust, waist, and hip measurements. They’ll help you unlock the key to size-
conversion success. So will we, with these charts that’ll allow you to find the right fit anywhere.
L e t ’s t a l k d r e s s e s On to jeans
Frustrating, I know, but even in the U.S., an 8 Jeans are easier, TG—most American brands
from one store may be smaller or bigger than follow an inches measurement like 26, 30, and
an 8 from another. For the most part, though, 36, which are close to the real circumference
this table has you covered. Honestly, it’s a of your waist. For those that use traditional dress
total mystery how other countries get the num- European Size
sizing (i.e., numbers like 2, 8, and 16), see below.
bers they use for their sizes, but the handy Conversion International shoppers can use the same equa-
equations at right help simplify things. Equations tions to the left for denim sizes across the pond.
U.S. U.S. U.S.

Letter Bust Waist Hips Letter Waist Waist
number number denim
size (in) (in) (in)
size UK size (in) (cm)
size size
X XS 30 22 32 .5 00 U.S. size + 4 X XS 23 58.42 00 23

XS 31 24 34 0 XS 24 60.96 00 24
XS 32 25 3 4.75 2 FRANCE XS 25 63.5 0 25
S 33 26 35.5 4 U.S. size + 32 S 26 6 6.0 4 2 26

S 34 27 36.5 6 S 27 68.58 4 27
M 35 29 37.5 8 M 28 71.12 6 28
I TA LY
M 36 30 38.5 10 M 29 73.6 6 8 29
U.S. size + 36
L 37 31 39.5 12 L 30 76.2 10 30
L 38.5 33 42 14 L 32 .5 82 .5 12 32
XL 40 34. 5 43.5 16 XL 34.5 87.75 14 34
XL 41.5 36 45 18 XL 36.5 92 .75 16 36

TA P E M E A S U R E: J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K . S T Y L E D BY A L M A M E L E N D E Z .
XXL 43 37.5 4 6.5 20 XXL 38.5 97.75 18 38

XXL 4 4.5 39 48 22 XXL 40.5 103 20 40
XXXL 46 40.5 49.5 24 XXXL 43 109.25 22 42

XXXL 47.5 42 51 26 XXXL 45.5 115.5 24 44
Shoooooes
European Size
UK FRANCE I TA LY
Conversion
Equations
You likely already know your American shoe size, but if you’ve U.S. U.S. U.S.
ever tried shopping from a fancy European label, all of a sudden shoe shoe shoe
you could randomly be a 39 or 43. Honestly, what does that even size size size
mean? This quick math has you covered, fren. − 2 + 31 + 30
T R I V I A Q : H ow m any H a did sist e rs walke d t h e O sca r d e l a R e n t a F e b r

ua r y 20
19 r u n w
ay?
50
© Procter & Gamble, Inc. 2019
mightiest
protection
for your tightest
styles
100
><ΘKKZ&Z
f ashion
H ow t o
l o o k cu t e w hil e
sp o r t s-in g
Fans are not, in fact, required
to wear jerseys.
By RACHEL TORGERSON
.
O
, IM rs
T h e se dr e ss e s a re t h e r e a l w i n n e
Kul e
d re s s,
$148,
G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 6 ). Y E L LO W S U N G L A S S E S S T R E E T S T Y L E: S H U T T E R S TO C K . O R A N G E S W E AT E R S T R E E T S T Y L E: T Y L E R J O E .
ku l e.c o m
St in e G oya
d re s s, $162,
Pr ab al G u r u n g net- a-porter
d re s s, m o d a .c o m
o p e ra n di.c o m
WANT SOMETHING A
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N o ne e d to hit ’em ove r t he he ad
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n e c k, p ant s, $135,
$ 4 5, t o r ys p o r t.c o m
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P.E N a t io n
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swe a t e r, $154, Sub in

p e - n a t io n.c o m
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sets, plz
Cold days
in the stands
Ag o l d e s h o r t s, $128,
got nothin’
revo l ve.c o m on these
Oo toasty track-
h,
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he
re
ad
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or a
Pa t r
iots
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Pr et t y Lit t l eThin g
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Win the
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No one will
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S e p o n a va l l ey.c o m 6, c l aire s.c o m TH CH
BARRETTE E SCRUN
b e a u t y
77%
of you sa y you’re
all in, so...
SO U RCE:
COSM O P O L L
How to
get bangs and not
regret them
A sacred text.
By C A R LY C A R D E L L I N O VACC A RO
G E T T Y I M AGES.
ogxbeauty.com | ogxbeauty
b e aut y
The Bang Yes, you

Commandments can give
yourself
1 A c c e p t t h a t t h e y ’r e w o r k
Unless you have curly fringe (and a trim
b
actually want to wear them curly), the easiest to grow out,” says
any style you choose will require celeb hairstylist Harry Josh. If
“If you’re
angs can be *some* effort on your part. Think you’re happy and ready for more,
going to DIY
a really good of bangs like the cat-eye liner of you can always go shorter.
it, point-cut
time. I should hair—they’ll always take more
your hair by
know. I’ve legit than two seconds to perfect. 4 See someone who knows
holding a pair
had every w h a t t h e y ’r e d o i n g
of scissors
type—long, blunt, shaggy, 2 Clip in before you commit Once you’re sure, book an
vertically and
choppy, baby—and I continue The easiest way to make sure you appointment with a stylist whose
continuously
to be a repeat customer. Why? love the idea of bangs: Try on a own bangs you like or someone
cutting upward
Because I always know exactly clip-in version (like the ones you who cuts a friend’s bangs. “Don’t
into the ends,”
what to expect before my stylist see all over Amazon), says celeb- assume everyone is good at
says Josh.
cuts them, and IMO, that is rity hairstylist Lacy Redway. They cutting bangs...because they’re
Take off the
the secret sauce for having a obviously won’t blend in to your not,” says Josh.
tiniest bit of
healthy relationship with bangs. cut as seamlessly as real bangs
length from the
But I get that anyone would, but you can at least get a 5 Bring inspo
center, working
scarred by a bad feel for what you’d look But just because Rihanna looks
your way out
experience might be Think of like. You can also down- beyond with a certain fringe
to the sides to
feeling triggered. So bangs like the load a hair-makeover texturize them
doesn’t mean it’ll work for you.
please hear me out: A cat-eye liner app like L’Oréal Paris’s Treat the images you’ve saved on
a bit. Do this
fucking cool fringe is of hair—they Style My Hair, which Insta as starting points, then ask
every other
absolutely something lets you upload a pic your stylist if you have anything,
take more time you need
you can handle if, like of yourself and “try on” like a cowlick, that would make
me, you do some prep
than t wo a bunch of bang styles
a trim, and see
styling a nightmare. Also, have
seconds to your stylist in
work. Like I said, it’s without even leaving photos of bangs you don’t like, so
between, just
all about proactively per fect. your couch. your stylist gets your clear vision.
in case they
knowing what you’re
need to correct
getting into, choosing the right 3 D o n’t b e i m p u l s i v e 6 Consider the temperature
or reshape
kind based on the amount of “People can be very emotional “Cooler temps allow your bangs
anything.
time you’re willing to spend with their bang cutting,” says to stay the way you styled them,”
(Basic profesh
styling, and then actually Ryan Austin, a stylist at IGK salon says Josh. “Plus, you don’t have
trims cost
learning how to do said styling. in NYC. “Then a week later, humidity to fight with on the frizz
anywhere from
Don’t worry, I’m here to help. they’re like, ‘Oh, I didn’t really front.” Of course, he’s not say-
$0 to $20.)
Consider this a guide to the want them.’” His advice: Thor- ing you *can’t* get bangs year-
best bangs of your life. oughly think through your deci- round, just that fall (as in, right
sion, then consider getting a now!) is a great time.
lengthier version of your dream
G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 4 ).
bangs. “Longer styles are always
Hi, so how BABY BLUNT A-SHAPED

T I M E : 8 minutes. These tiny bbs require TIME: 8 minutes. This type must be straight T I M E : 6 minutes. These come to a
long does it multiple steps to style. from roots to ends or it loses its cool fac- point at the middle of your hair-
really take to Smoothing serum (try
W H AT YO U N E E D :
tor. In other words: It’s high maintenance. line, so they require a thorough
blow-dry.
st yle bangs? TRESemmé Keratin Smooth Hair Shine A blow-dryer and a mini
Anti-Frizz Serum, $5, drugstores), a dryer oval boar-bristle brush for pumping up A dryer, flat
to nix cowlicks, and a comb to set them. volume at the root. iron, and flexible-hold hair spray.
BANG HACKS
YOU’LL
S w o o p y, c u r l y AC T UA L LY U S E
, cu
rta
in We do.
... t h e
ew
o
d,
rld
ba
“When I start to look
b y.
is
yo
..
tired, I know my
ur
bangs need a trim
ban
to open my eyes up
g s o y s t e r, b b .
again. I use a pair of
E m Ra t a l o o k in g manicure scissors to
back at whatever point-cut them just a
h a ir s t y l e s h e bit.” — J E S S I C A P E L S ,
us e d t o h a v e
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
like...
“Keratin treatments!
I do only my bangs
to cut the styling time
in half and prevent
frizz. It lasts three
months and costs
$100.” — L A U R E N
BALSA MO, SENIOR
BEAUTY EDITOR
“I use a hair mist (like

Pe a k b a n g PRO TIP Carol’s Daughter
e u p h o r i a,
courtesy of The shorter Hair Milk Refresher
Zendaya your bangs Spray, $12, ulta.com)
are, the longer to add bounce when
they take to my curly bangs fall
do. The longer flat.”
and shaggier —ISABEL CALKINS,
they are, the BEAUTY WRITER
easier they
are to work “Make yourself a dry
with. Science. shampoo cocktail
to soak up oil—use
a powder formula
along your hairline
for volume and a
tinted one on the
rest.” — L B
Emma
p r o v in g t h a t, “I train my bangs to
y e s, b a by stay in place with
bangs are flat clips that sit flush
in d e e d
against my head
How to look wearable
e f f o r t l e s s w it h while I get ready.”
A-s h a p e d —C A R LY C A R D EL-
b a n g s: a g ui d e LINO VACCARO,
b y R ih a n n a BEAUTY DIRECTOR
LONG CHOPPY S H A G G Y A N D C U R LY
T I M E : 5 minutes. You’ve gotta do some T I M E : 3 minutes. They don’t need to be TIME: 0 minutes. They’re the perfect match
strategic brush work on these. perfect (they’re supposed to look relaxed). for anyone who wants to wear their bangs
natural, says Austin.
A dryer to blow your
W H AT YO U N E E D : A dryer and texturiz-
bangs downward (so the center section ing spray for a lived-in look (try Nexxus W H AT YO U N E E D : Air...from the earth.
lies flat against your forehead) and a Between Washes Air Lift Dry Texture
round brush to create a flip at the ends. Finishing Spray, $12, drugstores).
b e aut y
$ $$$
S o t his is h ow yo u
g e t inv isib l e p o r es
Solves on a scale from cheap to bougie.
By A MA KWARTENG
un facts first:
Your body is
covered in
approximately five CHEAP FIX N O T TO O C O S T LY PRETTY PRICEY
million pores (I swear that’s

not an exaggeration), and
your face alone is home $ $ $ $ $ $
to about 20,000 of them.
USE AN ACID GRAB A TRY A PRO
The truth is that you need
TONER RETINOID LASER
all these teeny divots to
Specifically, one with You know it’s an acne -
TREATMENT
release oil and sweat and
salicylic acid. It’s oil- fighting powerhouse, Willing to spend some
to maintain healthy skin.
soluble, which is a but it’s also clutch for more? Hit up your
They’re part of being a real fancy way of saying minimizing the look of derm for a Clear +
live human—which it can work its way your pores. Retinoids Brilliant treatment. It’s
is why there’s no getting deep into your pores increase cell turnover a resurfacing laser
rid of them. Most of the and dissolve the stuff (your skin’s natural that exfoliates the top
time, this isn’t an issue. But (sebum and dead skin renewal process) and layer of dead skin
cells) lodged inside, boost the production of cells and helps boost
if your skin is naturally
says NYC dermatologist collagen and elastin, collagen production.
oily or acne-prone or has
Howard Sobel, MD, the proteins responsible Most appointments take
suffered UV damage, founder of Sobel Skin. for smoothness and around 20 minutes and
chances are, some of those “When you remove that firmness, explains Dr. cost between $400 and
20,000 are looking a little gunk, it prevents pores Sobel. Translation: This $600—and you might
less tiny due to excess oil, from stretching and stuff helps prevent dead need up to six separate
inflammation, or a lack looking larger.” The best skin from building up treatments. But they
part? There are a ton and plugging pores, and work. About a week or
of collagen. If yours are
of inexpensive salicylic supports the foundation two after each lasering,
driving you nuts, check out
acid toners out there (try of each pore, preventing your pores will start
these three cost-conscious Bioré Witch Hazel Pore it from sagging and to appear smaller
ways to shrink them down Clarif ying Toner, $6.50, stretching. Don’t sleep and your skin will be
to their OG size and get drugstores). Just dab a on this ingredient. (Try smoother overall.
smooth skin in the process. little on a cotton pad Lancôme Visionnaire
G E T T Y I M AGES.
and swipe it on. Skin Solutions Retinol

Serum, $75, lancome-
usa.com.)
b e aut y
about t
t is o
ta b
FIRST-
lip
e
TIMER
This
my lon
ge
s
tr
elati
o n s hip.
lipst ic k o n
It’s technically called lip blushing, but I’m
considering it a face tat for street cred.
By HANNAH CHAMBERS
ately, my lips have given up

on looking like lips. Their
natural color has faded, and
they just kinda…disappear
into my mouth? Picture the moment
when you’ve just caked on a full face
of foundation but haven’t done your A F T E R
lipstick yet. Yeah, like that.
Obviously this isn’t a *huge* issue
(my split ends are literally screaming at
me to stop googling lip procedures and by adding up all the $30 lip kits I’ve
just schedule a damn trim; also, you bought and never used.)
know, world peace). But it’s totally the I was really happy, but
kind of thing I’d fix if I could. That’s Drummond still suggested I come
why I became obsessed with lip B E F back in for a touch-up a few weeks
O R E
blushing, a semipermanent tattoo-like later to get any spots that didn’t
process that defines and fills in your lips soak up enough pigment the first
so you won’t need more than gloss for a time around. My only complaint is
whole year or two. with customized needles and organic that I went in a little too early, which
With the help of Cosmo’s beauty pigments. He did numb my lips first, so meant that lip blush number two was
B E F O R E: T Y L E R J O E . H A I R : N AT E R O S E N K R A N Z F O R H O N E Y A R T I S T S . M A K E U P : J E N N I F E R N A M
team (srsly, working here is the best I barely felt anything except for a few more painful than it needed to be.
F O R H O N E Y A R T I S T S . A F T E R : R U B E N C H A M O R R O. H A I R A N D M A K E U P : D E E P T I S A D H WA N I .
job ever), I made an appointment with sharp pinches. The entire procedure (Apparently, my nerves were still pissed
cosmetic tattoo wizard Christopher was shorter than an episode of The about the whole “continuously running
Drummond at Bachelorette. a needle over them” thing.) It was
PFRANKMD Skin Drummond told me nothing some topical numbing cream
Salon in NYC. He’s Now I describe to expect dry, flaky, couldn’t combat. What stung a little
been in the beauty my lips as “subtly slightly tender lips more: the $350 follow-up fee.
industry for 25 for up to five days Now I’d describe the look of my
years, so I trusted Facetuned.” after the procedure. I lips as “subtly Facetuned”—meaning
him with my face. lucked out and didn’t I’m still obsessed. Nobody else has
Also, Madonna goes there. Casual. get any of that, although at first, my really noticed, but I love knowing that
I told Drummond that I wasn’t lips were way darker than the shade I my Cupid’s bow is more defined and
looking for anything dramatic. I just picked out. Then I had a minor freak- that my faded spots are gone. Also,
wanted to vamp up my natural color out as it faded to look like I was FWIW, I’ve started exclusively using
and enhance the shape of my lip line. rocking heavy liner sans lipstick. But Aquaphor in place of my favorite lip
He helped me find the exact right by day six, there they were: my regular tint because all I need is a little bit of
shade and then got to work inking on lips, except rosier and with a deeper sheen. ILU, but sorry, Benefit.
my new “lipstick” using a handheld tool Cupid’s bow. (This is probs a good time
to mention that lip blushing will set you
back a steep $1,500. I justified the cost
U by Kotex®
b e aut y
PRESENTED BY TRESemmé
TO THE BEEN USI

EW PR AY W E
AY FO NG
N -S TH H ’V PR
S
IR
I
O G
I’M
IN
LE
HA
V
I
HA
ER
C A R LY
ector
L AU R
itor
dir
ed
EN
CA
y
ty
ut
R
A
B
LS a
e LI
AM r b NO O
,
O , senio VACCAR
Overall, my vibe is low When I was a kid, I

maintenance. Most days, had bangs that my Aunt
I just air-dry my hair and Debbie would curl and
wear it straight and a little tease with a comb—
piecey. If I’m feeling extra, but that volume wasn’t
I’ll spritz on a salt spray lasting through an entire
to get a lived-in, beachy dance recital by itself.
texture. And that’s kind Cue: the beginning of
of it. Which is probably my love affair with hair
why I’ve only really ever spray. As I got older, I
dabbled in hair spray. continued to play with
Most important—for me at different hairstyles—some
least!—is that my hair feels long, some short—that all
zero percent stiff. I always called for a shot of spray
want it soft and touchable. to either hold my look in
Of course, some extra place or keep flyaways
hold here and there would under control. Fast-
be nice, but my early
attempts at using hair
sprays resulted in my hair
S o...h air sp r a y? forward to most recently,
when I’ve been relying
on TRES Two to keep my
feeling stiff and crunchy. A newb and an OG talk it out. baby bangs blended into
Although TBQH, I can the rest of my look—
probably chalk this up I part my hair down the
to my lack of experience center, spray TRES Two
and...perhaps a tendency to make my bangs lie
J OY W O N G/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M . B A L S A M O : R U B E N C H A M O R R O. VA C C A R O : R O B I N B L A C K .
to overdo it on the flat against my head,
spritzing (looking at you, and then slip a flat clip
too, fave perfume!). All this on each side (they don’t
is why TRESemmé Micro- create creases!) to make
Mist is such a freaking sure zero hairs pop out
game changer for me. It of place. As my bangs
holds my natural, loose start to grow out, though,
waves in place (literally I’ll probably switch to a
TRES e m m é Co mp re s s e d TRES e m m é T RES Two
all day) and shields them M ic ro - M ist H o l d L eve l E x t ra H o l d H air S p ra y, more flexible or fine hold,
from the annoying effects 3 B o ost H air S p ra y, $5, $5 f o r 11 oz., d r u gst o re s because I’m an equal
d r u gs t o re s
of humidity (byeee, frizz). opportunist like that.
Maybe best of all, its And while I might break
superfine mist is so, so T H E TA K E AWAY up with hair looks
easy to work with—I never every so often (okay,
get any random sticky Not all sprays are created equal. If, like Lauren, you’re late pretty often), my daily
clumps. Hello, styling to the hair-spray game, it’s worth trying TRESemmé Micro- relationship with hair
goals! So, yeah, I’m still Mist (no crunch, just a flexible hold that leaves you with a spray will always be rock
just starting to love hair fresh look). If you’re all about that hair-spray life (hi, Carly), solid. It’s just been too
spray, but I feel like I’ve go with an extra-strong option like TRESemmé TRES Two good to me (and Aunt
already come a long way. that locks flyaways and more intricate styles into place. Debbie) over the years.
NOT YOUR
AVERAGE
HAIR SPRAY
COMPRESSED MICRO MIST.
FOR STYLE WITHOUT STIFFNESS.
b e aut y
THE REAL
REVIEW
Rating t he
internet ’s
favorite
eyeshadow
palettes
What’s really
wor th the cash?
By A M A KWARTENG
R THE
FO
Shadow
Newb
Dio r 5 Co u l e u rs Powe r R THE

FO
L o o k in # 97 7 G l o rif - E ye,
$63, dio r.c o m Beaut y Guru
TH E PA LET TE M o r p h e 39S S u c h a
G e m A r t ist r y Pa l e t t e, $35,
Five different matte m o r p h e.c o m
shades (a couple
of neutrals, two purples,
and a bold blue) and two TH E PA LET TE
dual-ended wands with The 39 (!) shades range
foam and brush tips. from bright pinks to
neutral browns in every
TH E R E V I E W
TH E R E V I E W finish you can think of.
R THE
“My makeup routine FO
can be described as “I have an eyeshadow TH E R E V I E W
minimal at best, nonex- Wa n n a b e comfort zone (hi, beige
and taupe), but I’m look- “This took me back to the
istent at worst. But from Influencer ing to switch up my rou- big Crayola box of my
the moment I tried this childhood—like, where
Dior palette, I was sold. tine. This palette has just
A n ast asia B eve r l y Hills the right mix of natural would I possibly begin?
I wasn’t overwhelmed J a c kie Ain a Pa l e t t e, $ 4 5, But it’s also what makeup
by the colors and it was and fun shades that are
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K /S T U D I O D. S T Y L E D BY A L M A M E L E N D E Z .
anast asiab eve r l y hills.com dreams are made of. I

super easy to apply. insanely pigmented and
really easy to blend. decided to channel some
I used the brush that serious Kylie vibes by
came with the palette— TH E PA LET TE To amp up the colors,
I patted them on with a starting out with a blend
surprise! I’m not makeup- Fourteen different of light brown and then
brush savvy either—to finger. To make them
shadows and two applying a neon pink to
swipe the purple shade more diffused, I blended
different finishes curated the inner corners of my
onto my lids. I even them out with the brush.
by beauty influencer eyes. It was a whole thing
dotted the bright blue on They even lasted all day,
Jackie Aina. It also but took just a few min-
my inner eye corners!” staying right on my
comes with a dual-ended utes. Pro tip: The shadow
—TAT I A N A
eyelids rather than smear-
brush (but TBH, if you’re stays best when you dab
DONALDSON, 23 ing down my face.”
nodding rn, you probably on concealer first.”
— S O F I A P E R E Z , 21
already have your own). — G A B R I E L L E G A R C I A , 21
PRESENTED BY NEUTROGENA
BEAUTY
BLUEPRINT
SEASONAL
SKIN-CARE GUIDE
Let ’s get real

about acne
Nearly ever y single one of
you told us clear skin is your
number one skin - care goal
(preach!). Time to make it
your realit y.
By LAUREN BALSAMO
STR ESS
When you feel seriously fried, levels of
the stress hormone cortisol start to surge
through your bod. And that, in turn,
can trigger both inflammation and your
oil glands to go into overdrive. It’s the
perfect recipe for...blackheads, white-
heads, and cysts. Womp.
S W EE TS A ND
J U N K FO O D
Refined sugars and processed foods:
no bueno for your blood sugar and
insulin levels. When those spike, your
insides go into inflammation and oil-
production mode. Yup, more acne.
of you think stress and No need to permanently break up
anxiet y give you acne with pizza and cake tho. Just make of you think your pimples
them a once-in-a-while thing, and eat are from too many sweets
( y o u ’r e r i g h t , g e n i u s e s ) .
skin-friendly veggies, healthy fats,
and gre asy foods (well,
and whole grains on the reg instead,
y o u ’r e r i g h t a g a i n ! ) .
says derm Whitney Bowe, MD.
Source: On-site poll of 260+ Cosmopolitan.com respondents
PRESENTED BY NEUTROGENA
The foundation of any good acne-fighting routine: washing your face. Yet
40 percent of you aren’t totally sure about what products to use. The right
stuff will keep oil and dead skin cells (um, yuck) from clogging up your
pores. Give these three hardworking options a try.
FOAMING CLEANSER
E
Gentle enough to use as a daily
FOR wash, this foaming scrub de-gunks
pores both physically and chemically
(it’s science, bb). Mini buffing beads
exfoliate dead skin, while salicylic
scan to shop
acid dissolves oil and debris.
N e ut r o g e n a Oil - Fre e Ac n e Was h Pink

Ready for G ra p e f r uit Fo amin g S c r u b, $23 f o r a
p a c k o f 3, a m a zo n.c o m
your clearest
skin ever?
WE E K
E PORE STRIPS
IC
So, guess what? Regular pore strips (you

T W
know, the ones that tug at your skin as

you peel ‘em off) are actually not so great
because of, well, irritation. The solution?
FO R
This medicated strip-to-scrub with salicylic

acid. Pop it on wet skin, leave it on for two scan to shop
minutes, then gently massage it with wet
fingers to help erase your blackheads.
N e ut r o g e n a B l a c k h e a d Elimin a t in g S t rip
scan to shop
M a ke u p Re m ove r
WA I T, O N E L A S T T H I N G : S P O T T R E ATM E N T S
B E T H S T E R N B A U M /A R T PA R T N E R .
Sometimes you do everything right, and acne still happens...and

that’s when a fast-acting spot treatment comes in. Look for one made
with benzoyl peroxide, your fiercest weapon against acne-causing
bacteria. Used in this Neutrogena cream at 2.5 percent, the potent
ingredient is as effective as higher concentrations and less drying and scan to shop
irritating, says derm Joshua Zeichner, MD.
N e ut r o g e n a O n - t h e - S p o t Ac n e Tre a t m e nt, $39 f o r a p a c k o f 6, am a zo n.c o m
To shop, scan with the Amazon app.

b e aut y
We n e e d t o t a l k a b o u t
eye cream Yes, you really need one—
and these are the cult faves
you can’t miss.
By LAUREN BALSAMO
Let me
guess what
yo u’r e
t h i n k i n g:
Why can’t I just use my

regular face cream? Well,
“most face creams contain
some sort of fragrance, which
F R O M L E F T: S A M I D R A S I N /A R T PA R T N E R , M O D E L : FA R H I YA / P H OTO G E N I C S L A ; A N TO N I O T E R R O N / T R U N K A R C H I V E .
can aggravate eye skin,”
explains dermatologist Dendy
Engelman, MD. “And thick
ones can also cause the under-
eye area to retain moisture
and look puffy.” So there’s
that. Also, the skin around
your eyes is superthin and
delicate and has fewer and
less concentrated oil glands
to keep it plump and bright,
says dermatologist Shari
Marchbein, MD, which leads
to the obvious dark circles,
dryness, and puffiness. It also
means your eye area will be
the first part of your face to
show signs of aging. Bottom
line: If you want to prevent the
above, you’re gonna need a
targeted eye cream.
H e l l o, y e s,
t his c o u l d b e
y o u.
4 options
t h a t ’l l f i x e v e r y
e y e i s s u e A SA P
DA R K FI N E
C I R C L P U F F I N E
E S S S D RY N E S S L I N E S
w hy they happ e n w hy it happ e ns w hy it happe ns w hy they happ e n

“If yours are a bluish- Fatigue, dehydration, Because of the lack of oil Kim K. once said she doesn’t
purple color, it’s because tears—they all cause fluid glands around your eyes, laugh for fear of aging.
the blood vessels under to build up around your this area is very prone to Extreme, yes, but there’s a
your skin are showing eyes, says Dr. Marchbein. dryness and conditions like kernel of truth to it: Every time
through,” says Dr. Not dealing with any of redness, sensitivity, and you blink, squint, or smile, the
Marchbein. Tons of these but still see even eczema, explains Dr. skin around your eyes
factors can cause this, puffiness, especially in Marchbein. Also, harsh creases. Couple that with UV
including naturally thin the a.m.? “It’s because cleansers and makeup exposure and pollution,
skin, allergies, or lack of when you’re lying down, removers can deplete your which deplete collagen (the
sleep. If your shadows are fluids don’t drain properly skin’s protective barrier, protein that keeps skin plump
a brownish color, blame from around your eyes,” making things worse. Ugh, and firm) and bam—lines
genetics (womp, womp). says Dr. Marchbein. so not what you need rn. become a very real thing.
your eye-cre am fix your eye-cre am fix your eye-cre am fix your eye-cre am fix
The best brighteners in the In this case, your product’s Your thirsty-ass skin is It’s retinol. The ingredient
game diffuse shadows in applicator is just as begging for all the can smooth lines thanks
two ways: They contain important as the formula moisture it can get. Look to its ability to generate
mica (light-reflecting itself. Look for a tool with a for a super-gentle eye fresh, new skin cells and
particles that instantly cooling metal tip (this cream with hydrating increase collagen and
mask under-eye darkness) L’Oréal Paris gel has one) ingredients like glycerin elastin production, says
as well as caffeine and and use it to really and hyaluronic acid. Dr. Marchbein. It’s
antioxidants. “Caffeine massage your eye area. (Skinfix’s nonirritating powerful, though, so you
can help constrict blood It’ll increase circulation to one, below, contains should start out using it
vessels, which minimizes help reduce swelling, says both.) “They’re sparingly. Apply it twice
their appearance, while dermatologist Arash humectants, which means a week at night,
antioxidants like vitamins Akhavan, MD. “And as a they draw moisture from gradually upping the
C and B3 suppress pigment rule, lightweight formulas the air, pulling it into your frequency as your skin
production to brighten the (gels and serums) with skin to keep it looking builds tolerance.
skin,” says Dr. Marchbein. antioxidants are better plump and dewy,”
than heavy creams.” explains Dr. Akhavan.
TRY TRY TRY TRY
L’O r é al Paris
O l a y E yes A g e Pe r f e c t S k inf i x N e ut r o g e n a
B right e ning H yd ra - N u t rit io n B a r rie r+ Lipid Ra pid Wrink l e
E ye Cre am, D e - Pu f f in g B o ost 360 º Re p air E ye
$25, H o n ey E ye G e l, E ye, $ 40, Cre am, $22,
d r u gs t o re s $25, d r u gst o re s s e p h o ra.c o m d r u gs t o re s
MORE
COVERAGE
TO LOVE.
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a s t r o DARK MOON
Whe n the M o on is
t ot ally invisible
What is a Moon The next time you

need a legit rea-
Use incense to
cleanse your energy
before stepping into
bath, and why do you son to cancel

plans, use this:
the water. This is the
perfect Moon phase
for a salt bath to clear
the Moon. As in, away bad vibes from
need to take one? you’re busy taking

a Moon bath, aka
stuff like a breakup
or an encounter with
an ex.
an intention-setting
It’s like a regular bath but vibe - ier.
ritual you can do
By ERICA FELDMANN, AKA @HAUSWITCH at certain points of
NEW MOON
the Moon’s 28-day Whe n that lit tle
cycle that will help fingernail of a M o on
you better under- sa ys hi
stand your own Setting intentions for
growth with fresh
stals > ru
physical and emo- flowers in your water
ry
C ny da
bb
tional sitch. Basi- can feel rejuvenating
s a y. during this phase. The
ie
er
cally, getting in
k
energy of this luscious

duc
the tub is a way to full bath can be used

to launch that new
sync up with the creative project you’re
lunar phases and excited about.
do some serious
reflection. Also,
these soaks are WA X I N G M O O N
pretty—behold, at Whe n a bb
left. And they feel M o on is st ar ting t o
sooo nice. grow int o a f ull one
The first step is Now is the time for

love or self-love baths.
to make sure you’re A stone like rose
paying homage to quartz or lusty garnet
can be a great ally.
all four elements, Add rose water or
says Erin O’Leary, flower petals for extra
oomph.
HausWitch coven’s
very own water-
sign Moon Witch
(she runs Erin’s FULL MOON
Apothecary and Whe n...well, duh
makes sea-salt Use this phase to start

a gratitude practice
Moon baths with by thanking your body
herbs and crys- for everything it does
for you. Treat yourself
tals...so she should to soothing bath oils
know). Her favor- or a bath bomb.
ite setup is salt for
earth, incense for
air, candles for WA N I N G M O O N
fire, and wine for Whe n the Full M o on
water—but hon- st ar ts t o f ade a wa y
estly, just do you. It’s a period to let go
of habits. Use anti-
No tub? We gotchu. Place your tools just outside your shower, and use Turn on your faucet negativity crystals
BY @ T H E C O LO U R F U L D OT.
salt scrubs instead of soaks or rub on oils right after you rinse. If you and keep reading. (smoky quartz, black
C R Y S TA L B AT H R I T U A L
tourmaline) and a salt

wanna take things next-level, douse yourself with water you’ve charged in
bath with eucalyptus
the moonlight. (Grab a pot, fill it with water, and leave it outside to purge any energies
during the Moon phase of your choice.) Your bubble baths could never. holding you back.
ast r o l o g y
N-ON RN- OFF

UR U
T
S
T
S
Notoriously impulsive, they get extra Their short attention span = no
excited by need-you-now bursts of time for excessive foreplay or any-
ARIES desire (hi, bathroom-stall hookups). thing slow ’n’ steady.
They’re alllll about exploring Tauruses despise sloppiness.

their senses, so get one going with Keep that bedroom tidy or book a
chocolate, wine, and candles. hotel room—you’re welcome.
This air sign is governed by The only thing Geminis can’t

Mercury, the planet of communica- stand is monotony. Don’t be afraid
tion. So: sexting. A lot of it. to get a little freaky.
Cancers need to feel safe before Stuff that’s *not* mutually

emerging from their shells, so kick satisfying is a no-no. Unreciprocated
things off with a cuddle sesh. oral? Just don’t.
When it comes to sex, all the Leos need to feel wanted.

bedroom’s a stage. (We’re talking Underappreciate one, and kiss
LEO about role-playing, BTW.) this hookup good-bye.
Virgos are obsessed with sex and They’re grossed out by

need to savor every moment. Make it anything unsanitary. Keep those
laaast with lots of foreplay. sex toys ~extra~ clean.
b i g g est
Libras love sophistication, i.e., Ignorance. Didn’t bring your
they fancy. Cocktails and some Frank (sexy) intellectual A game? Don’t
LIBRA Ocean go a long way. expect many fireworks.
t u r n - o ns If it’s taboo, it’s a turn-on.

Scorpios love getting extra kinky.
Any type of “faking it.” They
thrive on real, intense chemistry
and
SCORPIO and sexual tension.
turn-offs SAGIT TARIUS

Sex that carries a hint of danger.
Don’t be surprised if your Sag date
is into public boning.
They get annoyed by overly
sentimental moves. Best press pause
on that “Getting It On” playlist.
for each
F R O M L E F T: J U A N M OYA N O/S TO C K S Y; G E T T Y I M A G E S .
New things. And more new things.
Caps can’t deal with someone who’s
si g n
They’re as ambitious about sex as
CAPRICORN all talk but no delivery in bed.
they are with other pursuits.
Um...everything? As long as it’s

THIS IS not conventional. Also, tech. Vanilla sex.
AQUARIUS Aquarians love a good vibrator.
IMPORTANT INFO.
By A L IZ A K E L LY
They’re highly empathic, so it’s Pisces will run fast from
no surprise that deeply spiritual rigid vibes and partners who
PISCES connections get them going. aren’t open-minded.
ARIES TAURUS GEMINI CANCER LEO

How the universe wants Take it out in a Invest in five FaceTime your Hide your phone Get a blowout
you to cope with stress sweaty kickbox- bath bombs BFF ASAP and so you don’t and snap some
ing class. Or on and call dibs on tell them what send a text you’ll feelin’-yourself
By A L IZ A K E L LY
an angry jog. the bathroom. happened. regret. selfies.
predict certain events
based on how the
This is how astrology world has behaved

during planetary
HOW TO
SHUT DOWN
movements in the
*actually* works past. Translation:
The planets are not
HATERS
WHO
S AY. . .
*actual* puppeteers
controlling your every “My horoscope is
Th e M o o n is
n ’t never right.”
flo move from the sky,
but “astrology is a “Horoscopes are
at
in
based on a language
tool that can tell you
ga
of archetypes,”
ro
what’s going on with-
und up her
explains astrolo-
out being the root ger Annabel Gat.
source of everything,” “They don’t take into
says astrologer Chris account every unique
fo e
placement in your
r
no
Brennan, who com-
ing
th
chart” like rising and
!!!
pares it to a clock. Moon signs. Also, she
“The clock isn’t the notes, they’re inter-
reason it’s 9 p.m., preted by real, indi-
Hand this riiight on over vidual people, who
it’s just a tool that
to your astro - skeptic friend. reflects that.”
will naturally give you
different takes!
By JULIA PUGACHEVSKY
“Allegedly I’m a Leo,
B u t o k a y, h e r e ’s
but I actually hate
d
some legit science attention.”
Lots of research does That’s because you
are more than just
show a tie between
your Sun sign. “Even
espite the birth seasons and per- if you share the exact
fact that personalized sonalities. One Finn- same birthday as
astrology seasons and celestial horoscopes were ish study with close someone, if you were
introduced, with to 5,000 participants born at 2 p.m. and
has been events. They recorded
King Ashurbanipal the other person was
around for millennia, astronomical obser- found that women
born at 3 p.m., your
it’s still picked apart vations on clay of Assyria relying born in the summer whole chart would
by doubters every- tablets, noting plan- on daily astrologi- sought more thrills be shifted,” says
where. We’ve pre- etary movements and cal reports to rule. and novelty (hello, Cosmo astrologer
(Honestly, he was Jake Register.
pared your airtight weather changes Leos!) than their
(TBH, you’re totally
counterargument for and drawing con- probably a Cancer.) winter-born counter- a Cancer Moon.)
the next time someone nections between parts did. And a study
I t ’s m e a n t t o “Horoscopes are so
mocks your horoscope the two. They inter- from Japan showed
vague that they could
obsession. preted those links as be symbolic, that people born apply to anyone.”
messages from gods. not literal between December Daily horoscopes
T h e r e ’s a r e a - The rainy season in While astrology is and February ranked focus on your sign as
son people have Babylonia consistently lowest in agreeability a whole, says Bren-
always evolving,
(um, Capricorns and nan. And as you just
believed in it for occurred during Feb- its general frame- learned, two Virgos
a long-ass time ruary, aka Aquarius work remains the Aquariuses aren’t could be born weeks
season...so Aquarius same: This is a POV- known for keeping apart with drastically
Around 2400 BCE, the
became known as the based ideology that’s their heads down). different placements
Babylonians created a of the Sun and other
Water Bearer. Later intended to loosely Everyone finally
system to measure planets. All astrolo-
on (but still forever convinced? Great.
gers can do is their
ago), around 700 Next up: UFOs. JK. best to generalize.
to 500 BCE, more (But they’re real too.)
VIRGO LIBRA SCORPIO SAGIT TARIUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES

Immediately Finally clean your Frantically GTFO of town... Go HAM Volunteer at an Splurge on
type out a to-do bedroom (okay, scrawl all your or staycay with a at the club animal shelter those Lizzo
list in your Notes just buy new stress into a weekend Netflix with your and hug, like, tix you’ve
app. Trust. pillows). journal. bingeathon. crew. 57 dogs. been eyeing.
Incompatible-roommate
horror stories “My Scorpio roommate
was in a polyamorous
LDR, and I—a Virgo—
loved her free-spirited
And you thought M ercur y Retrograde was scar y. watery energy. At
least, I loved it out-
By PATRICIA CA MEROTA
side the apartment.
Living with her was...
difficult. She would
S
W AY . G E T go on lots of online
AL .
dates and have them
. CHA
I RTH R T.
sleep over, and her
.B boyfriend would also
R
EI
come visit. One time, I
TH
came home from work
and he was watching
TV. I asked where my
roommate was, and he
was like, ‘She’s stay-
“Hi, I’m a Libra, ing at a guy’s tonight.’
and I used to live with He just looked so sad.
two roommates, a girl So we watched the
and a guy. The girl was Sex and the City movie
a Taurus and a literal together. For what it’s
nightmare. She was a worth, he’s a Cancer
party animal, one of and I think he’s just too
those steadfast ‘must sensitive and emotional
black out every Friday’ for her. They’re still
types. What I didn’t together though.”
know at the time— —J ULIA, 26
I thought I was just
i
under the weather—is
that I had cancer…
actual cancer, not the
sign. She’d have peo-
ple over to pre-game
whenever I was
feeling my worst. One
time, I asked her to “There were three of
t’s my own fault I had to break please move the party us: a Capricorn, a
out of the apartment. Cancer, and a Leo…
my apartment lease just to
Her friends drunkenly that last one’s me. The
GTFO—I didn’t look up my started berating me, Cancer was crabby
would-be roomie’s sign before calling me ‘bipolar about everything—
moving in. (News flash: Sign compatibility bitch’ and ‘psycho.’ I even nitpicky stuff like
“My roomies are all told my roommate how a chair being slightly
is *not* just about dating.) And it turns out Leos and I am too, inappropriate she was, crooked—and was
that she was a textbook Aquarius. Which, so I might even be and our other room- on the couch literally
insulting myself with all the time. I’d come
FYI, is the complete opposite of me, a Leo. mate agreed. But this
this story. Anyway, girl had no intention home to complaints
Sure, both our signs are pretty self- maybe it’s because of backing down or about how dumb
centered, but when it came to doing basic they—we?—are all telling her friends they everyone—but her, of
chores—and, uh, being basic human perfectionists, like, weren’t welcome at our course—was and ran-
hella-messy per- place. I know Tauruses dom vents about how
beings to each other—I did my share. She
fectionists, but they can be stubborn AF much she hated cats.
expected everything to be done for her. always throw away and aggressively Being in the living
Cut to a constantly messy bathroom, rude my produce. They’ll passive-aggressive. room meant deal-
texts, and loud hangs with her besties on trash a small potato This was all that and ing with a constant
or a lopsided orange then some. Needless to stream of negativity.
Monday nights. Aka hell. even if it’s perfectly say, I moved out.” She’d nonstop talk over
Now I’m living with a Taurus (yes, I edible! As some- every movie too. My
—A M AN DA, 25
checked ahead of time), and it’s been a one who works for Cap roomie stayed
a sustainable food calm, but my fiery self
peaceful coexistence. But not everyone’s
company, this drives couldn’t take it. I’d hide
so lucky. Behold, a handful of my favorite me nuts. Meanwhile, in my room or leave.”
real-life rooming nightmares (as you fever- they let their own
—LISA, 26
ishly text your roommate for her sign). food rot on the coun-
tertop! I will never
understand this logic
or these people.”
—GAVIN, 25
ast r o l o g y
F
A
LL
E Q U I N
O
X
Your September
horoscope
·
I t ’s h e r e. ·
A n d t h a t ’s a By JAKE REGISTER
g o o d t hin g.
To recap what
you learned in
seventh grade
ARIES TAURUS GEMINI
earth science: ( 0 3. 21– 0 4 .19) ( 0 4 . 20 – 0 5. 20 ) ( 0 5. 21– 0 6. 20 )
Summer always
starts on its The first half of the month Virgo season is the most pro- The vibe is extra cozy, helping
solstice, the speeds by thanks to work ductive time, and you’re get- you make your pad look super
longest day of being a fast-moving trash fire. ting real busy…in bed. Thotties cute. All those Pinterest boards
the year. Then The only thing keeping you are sliding into your DMs left dripping in throw pillows will
as time goes going is tea-spilling with your and right. Don’t forget: With pay off come Libra season,
on, daytime coworkers—yeah, it’s fun, but all these potential baes, there’s when your love life glows up
hours dwindle it can also get draining as hell. bound to be a fuckboy hiding and Netflix and chilling
until they Do some solo vegging too. in the midst. Don’t get played! becomes top priority.
become exactly
equal to night-
time hours...and
you can say hi
to the fall equi-
nox. Basically, CANCER LEO VIRGO
we’re talking ( 0 6. 21– 07. 2 2) ( 07. 23 – 0 8. 2 2) ( 0 8. 23 – 0 9. 2 2)
about the offi- This time of year is extra You’re stuck at work and There’s a stellium (an effing lot
cial start of social for your introverted focused on getting that bread of planets) in your sign, so
Pumpkin Spice sign. You’re making plans right now, but Jupiter (the lucki- most people are in complete
season. It and *gasp* actually show- est planet) is activated in your harmony with you. On the off
always coin- ing up to them. Bonus: You’re chart’s love/sex zone at the chance some dramz happens
cides with the also meeting a lot of new end of the month. Your already anyway, Venus in Libra on the
start of Libra people—including a possi- outgoing sign is now attracting 14th blesses your finances for
season in late ble boo. It’s thrive season. pretty much everyone. some retail therapy.
September,
which is great
news for every-
one because
Libra is ruled by
Venus, the LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS
planet of ( 0 9. 23 –10. 2 2) (10. 23 –11. 21) (11. 2 2–12. 21)
beauty, plea- You’re drowning in complex Oh heeey! You’re on a happy Your boss is finally giving you
sure, and love. feels, which come pouring out high thanks to a stacked inbox the credit you deserve and
In other words, as word vom. Some advice: of party invites and just as your paycheck is looking extra
you’re really STFU. (Love you, mean it.) many new ’gram followers. thicc. Hold on to those $$$s
feelin’ yourself You’re the most social sign, so This confidence boost looks because when Libra season
in those comfy- of course you wanna talk good on you, and if you’re in starts on the 23rd, you’re
cute boots and everything out, but right now is the mood for some hookups, splurging on, well, everything
~aesthetic AF~ all about keeping calm. there’s literally no better time. (as you should).
autumn Instas (a
gorge shot of
you and some
fall leaves is
obviously hap-
pening). Warn-
ing tho: This big CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES
(12. 2 2– 01.19) ( 01. 20 – 0 2.18 ) ( 0 2.19 – 0 3. 20 )
Libra energy
can also get This Virgo mood is blowing up You’re not the DTR type, but Group texts driving you
swept up in cuff- your chart’s travel sector. Now Virgo season is activating your completely insane? You could
ing season (that is when to take that Insta-perf chart’s zone of intimacy, and get new buds—your Google
starts now too), trip you’ve been obsessing damn you’re in your feels. Cal is packed with ops to meet
so tread lightly over. If you don’t have Also, horny. Still, this sexy new faces—or you could just
with those anything booked, squeeze in energy is pushing you to form talk to your friends about it IRL.
feels! an impromptu vacay—trust, deep emotional bonds instead Hiii, growth! Either way, your
·
X
LL O A
F
any planning stress is worth it. of hooking up casually. friendships get stronger.
E Q U I N
IA Q:
Which Big Lit tle Lies star at te ow ? S e p t e m b e r 2019 C o s m o p o lit a n 75
nded n sh
TRIV Carolina
H e r r e r a ’ s F e b r u a r y 2 0 19 f a s h i o
ast r o l o g y
E ve r y t hin g yo u n e e d to k n ow
a b o u t ast r o l o g y h o us es
Your bir th char t is about to make so much more sense.
t
By J ESS I C A L A N YA D O O
hey’re the cos-

mic version
of a crystal
ball—only way
more legit. There are 12
houses, each represent-
ing a key part of life, from
health to money to rela-
tionships and everything
in between. Consider the
wheel of houses as a map
in the sky, with planets
constantly moving from
house to house. The loca-
tions of the planets at
the moment of your birth
(or throughout your life)
can give you valuable
insights—so if Jupiter (the
planet of luck) was in your
second house (which rules
finances) right when you
1S T H O USE 2N D H O USE 3R D H O USE 4TH H O USE 5TH H O USE
were born, making money
This governs Where you’ll Lots going on This is about Watch out:
will likely come easy to
what you look find the things here: your atti- your home This house
you. (Share the love, pls?) like and how you value on a tude, intellect, and your fam- is all about
Now pair the handy you present practical level, and communi- ily—both the love affairs,
yourself to the like money (both cation. Friends one you come creativity,
guide at right with your world. It’s all your potential to and neighbors from and the fertility, sex
own natal chart and be about how make it and how too. Also, one you may drive, dating,
amazed by the sneak others see you you relate to it), sort of ran- someday romance, and
(this is also and your gen- domly: early create. fun. (Who’s
peek at how all your known as your eral relationship education. sweating?)
hopes, dreams, and rising sign or to your stuff.
drama may unfold. ascendant).
Yo u r p e r s o
nal
wh
Big ee
e lo
rpos Think f
Pu in g
In
fo
n t
io
rtu
S
ut 10 t h 9th
en *t
ne
h
ol
se
D o n’t k n ow yo u r b i r t h t i m e?
Ev
11 t h 8th
Sit hips
Heal l
a
th
s
uat
Ment
12 t h 7th Let us Nancy Drew that sh*t for you. By MIA LARDIERE
Routiion-
1s t 6th I was totally fine not knowing my birth and understanding all the deeper
Ego
time—I’m adopted, it’s complicated—until stuff like how the houses affect you.
ne
2nd 5th I got interested in astrology and learned But before I drowned in astrological
that the exact moment you were born is a FOMO, I discovered “birth rectifica-
St e
s
u
g
3rd 4th
ff
n
i
key to unlocking your entire zodiac chart tion,” an intensive process in which an
x
Th y
n Ho
sio me
Expres
O h, also, we figure d out your destiny
By RACHEL TORGERSON
You, person who’s interested in yourself and your future, might want to learn about your north and south nodes. They’re these little
astrological details (the symbol on your birth chart that looks kinda like a pair of headphones) that map out the entire trajectory of
your life and show you your major flaws. Pay attention to which sign and house your north node is in—it’s your key to success. Any-
time you act in agreement with it, you excel at whatever you’re doing. Sounds great...except most people are stubbornly hardwired to
follow their south node, which always lies directly opposite the north one and means (sorry) you’ll probably fuck up important things,
like relationships and career decisions. So: Find your north node and go hard on those qualities, because that’s how you’ll win.
6TH H O USE 7 TH H O USE 8TH H O USE 9 TH H O USE 10TH H O USE 11TH H O USE 12TH H O USE
It rules the Call up your Another one Welcome to NBD, just Your less emo PSA: So much
things you crew. Here, with A Lot higher learn- your life call- social con- of the stuff that
do every day you’ll find part- going on: big- ing, ethics, ing—your pur- nections live gets caught in
(even granular nerships—who ger money and vision. pose and your here alongside your blind spots
stuff like you like and stuff like inheri- Here’s where career are humanitarian stems from this
brushing your how you relate tances, taxes, your view of based here. It’s concerns. Look house, which
teeth and to others—your and debt. Fun! the world is also the high- to the 11th for governs mental
petting your BFF, your life Also, com- shaped. For est point in the revolution, and spiritual
pup). This is partner, your pletely unre- this reason, it’s chart, where evolution, and health and
also where you frenemies, and lated, orgasms. also all about you’ll want the organizing your earliest
can see your your straight-up And how you international to be recog- it takes to get developmental
physical health enemies. feel about travel. nized for your there. experiences.
and habits. death. Casual. achievements.
MUTI.
astrologer studies all your major life events would be speculative. First: I drafted a list communication and storytelling played a big
and behavioral habits and tries to reverse- of my life milestones and when exactly they role in my life. (Hello, it me, Cosmo’s Snap-
engineer your birth chart. It can be pricey occurred. Then she asked me some super- chat editor, communicating this tale to you
(often around $200), but it’s way less than a personal questions (e.g., “Did your family right now.) She even quizzed me on if I ever
round-trip ticket to your birthplace and you struggle with money when you were growing ran for student council. (Um, twice. Freaky!)
get to keep your vacation days. Sold. up?”) to see if she could zone in on my rising In the end, Schaim wasn’t able to nail
I consulted rectification expert Leisa sign based on how I deal with things. down my exact birth time, but her process
Schaim, who talked me through the neces- She could: Once she rotated my did let me try on new astrological identities
sary steps—she requires her clients to have a speculative chart to Sagittarius rising, that may be a big part of the one I already
ballpark idea of their birth time, so our chat everything started clicking. She wondered if own. Total Sag move, no?
ast r o l o g y
T h a t w a s my
l u n c h, J a n! HOW YOUR
S t o p st e a lin g
SIGN BOMBS
my s a n d w ic h!
A JOB
INTERVIEW
By JULIA
PUGACHEVSKY
ARIES
You confidently go in
knowing nothing
about the position.
TAURUS
You death-grip the

boss’s hand and
break a finger.
GEMINI
You let it slip that

you’re a Gemini.
CANCER
Your one Q is about

office snacks.
Ask your LEO
You zone out when
astrolobestie will improve natu-

rally if you can adjust
your lens—just a
they aren’t asking
about you.
VIRGO
Real - talk life advice from astrologer, little bit, okay?—to
You are A+, but
author, and Instagram meme queen Aliza Kelly. try to understand her someone else is more
quirks. Meet her with qualified??? WTF?
kindness. If she feels
Dear Aliza, *always* camera- safe with you, she’ll LIBRA
An (annoying) Cancer ready, Cancers need probably chill out. You stroll in 10
coworker and I are outside affirmation Finally, no shade, minutes late like
not vibing well. I kind
Dear Aggravat ed before they perform. it’s NBD.
but...the qualities we
of cannot stand her.
Aquarius, Your colleague is just dislike in others are
As the last air sign asking for attention
SCORPIO
She complains about often the things we
of the zodiac, you’re and approval with
You hold serial-killer-
everything, inserts don’t like about our-
free-spirited, indepen- level eye contact.
herself into everyone’s all her extra behav- selves. Kthxbye!
dent, and not afraid to ior. And the more you
conversations, and SAGIT TARIUS
break rules. Basically, To t he M o on and b ack,
acts like a know-it- try to ignore her, the x x Aliza You make a weird
you can be a lot. (In a more she’ll try to feel
all. The way she talks @Aliza Ke lly joke and the room
good way! But still!) included. goes dead quiet.
makes me want to
What you need to I know you despise
breathe fire. Worst
resolve this conflict: a hand-holding, Aquar- Need some cosmic help CAPRICORN
of all, we’ll soon be
shift in perspective. I to cope with your dram a? You get honest
sharing a small office, ius, so I’m not going to Hit us up: A strolobestie
know, I know, but it’ll when they ask what
and I’m terrified that force you to embrace @Cosmopolitan.com. you’d fix.
be worth it—your job this person with open
I will lose it on her.
and emotional well- arms or become her
Help! AQUARIUS
being are on the line. friend (although, TBH,
Thanks, You wear a pink, glit-
Believe it or not, she’d probably love tery outfit for the most
Ag gravat e d Aquarius
inside every hard- that). Your dynamic If yo corporate role ever.
u
shell Cancer is a more want
Leo (the next zodiac exclu of this PISCES
siv
good e astro You realize that you’d
sign) who’s dying to ness…
t ex t “s u b hate the job, so you
take center stage.
BEN RIT TER.
to 7 7 s c rib e
17 7 a ” sabotage it!
nd ge
But while Leos are mag e
ve r y m t t he
MESS
o n t h.
A GE A
R AT E N
S M A D DATA
Y APP
LY.
PROMOTION
How do you
M a ke Yo u r S p a c e use the POD? ™
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l us t
Why do guys
get over breakups

so much faster than the rest of us?!
*Me: goes on post - breakup journey of self- discover y*
*Dude: downloads Tinder that night*
By CARINA HSIEH
Lucif e
r, t
ha
t yo
u?
H E X ./S TO C K S Y.
lust
nti
His a cs are
FY
I: hid
in g his sa dness
. QQ:
with Ariana Grande,
Anna Faris, Miranda Guys,
Lambert, and all the do you
other women who It’s because they think
have watched their they move on to the it will help them get
honestly
exes move on to new next so fast that no over you.” And (atten- think
relationships faster one notices they’ve tion: men) it probably you move
than they could sign been burned. won’t. Another 2015 on too
them out of their On the flip side, study by Binghamton
fast?
Hulu accounts. Like, women are usually University and Uni-
why??? Why do half urged to let it all out. versity College Lon-
of all women take up (Picture a post-Warner don found that while “After a breakup,
to three months to get Elle Woods with women report higher I want to be
mascara tears run- distracted
over a breakup, while levels of emotional
immediately
men just…seem fine ning down her face.) and physical pain and validate my
ot even 24 hours after right away? after a breakup, they ego by going
our tearful breakup, on dates. That
my ex had a fresh pro- being said, my
first major
file up on OkCupid.
girlfriend still
“Um, isn’t this crosses my mind
your guy?” my friend every couple of
texted, sending me months—and
that was almost
a screenshot of the 10 years ago.”
evidence. The dude —HUNTER, 29
couldn’t even wait a
full business day to get
back out there?! Ugh,
“I definitely
it totally wrecked me.
didn’t process
After our final the breakup
good-bye convo, I pic- faster than my
tured myself spending last female ex. It
took me about a
time self-reflecting. I’d year or so to get
dip into two or three over it. To me,
emotional pizzas, sign there’s a part of
me that never
up for my first yoga
truly lets go of a
class, and slowly real- breakup.”
ize some truths that —JULIAN, 28
Because guys have actually have an over-
would make the mem-
been socialized not to all easier time recov-
ories of my ex fade Society has reinforced
take heartbreak hard, ering. “Men, on the
and my single, con- that expressing our “As an extrovert,
explains Jordan Madi- other hand, never fully
fident vibes grow. It feelings is our forte. I’ll rebound
son, a licensed mar- do—they simply move pretty quickly.
would be so tragic, so “We’re given the time
riage therapist. Sure, on,” wrote the study That said, it’s
emo, so beautiful! to mourn, cry, and
some may talk about it authors. (And guess taken me a lot
But cool, my ex process our emotions,” of work in
while shooting hoops who gets to deal with
would be spending explains Madison. therapy to
with their friends or that baggage? Yep, actually feel like
this time grabbing So wait, should we
sulk alone on their their rebounds!) I’ve ‘gotten over’
drinks with hot dates. feel kind of...sorry for
couches, but most tend I’m still stewing serious
I immediately felt guys? Their surface- breakups,
to follow the “man up” over my ex replacing
like kindred spirits level fix def isn’t doing learned from
advice they’ve been me so easily. But if them, and
fed since childhood. them any favors, says science says it’s bet- moved on
To preserve their egos, Jeannie Assimos, ter to admit that than healthily.”
chief of advice at suppress it, my pizza —DAVID, 33
eHarmony. “Men are and I are gonna be

more likely to rebound just fine.
The dude couldn’t even
H E X ./S TO C K S Y.
with another woman,

wait a full business day but it’s not because
to get back out there?! they didn’t love you.
lust
I t ri e d t h e n ew s ex
t r e n d t h a t ’s all ab o u t
n o t o r g asmin g
And I kinda loved it?
By KRISTA M C HARDEN
even possible? And is

it…fun?” to which my the biggest roles of
boyfriend replied, our lives, and gener- of the main event. It
“I…think so?” ally, we love it. But I’m comes from the Ital- Now, I’m not the
Let’s rewind: My tired! I’m so very tired. ian word “carezza” (a kind of girl who likes
BF and I have been There are only so caress), and although to stare deeply into
together for a min- many ways to arrange the concept has been my partner’s eyes and
ute—okay, eight your limbs before you around since at least gently weep as I cli-
funny thing happened years’ worth of min- pull something. 1844 and is well- max, but like I said, I
when my legs were utes—and we keep Enter the art of known in the tantric do need breaks from
behind my head and our sex life adult-film- karezza. It’s an affec- world, it’s starting to my acrobatic sex life.
my boyfriend was get- worthy. We’ve done it tionate, unrushed style enter the average per- Plus, if it’d help me
A D D I C T I V E C R E AT I V E S/S TO C K S Y.
ting ready to enter me on a boat, on a float, of sex that emphasizes son’s bedroom (i.e., and the boyf go full
from behind. As I con- from the back, in the connection and treats me). And bless up: Spice Girls “2 Become
torted myself into this crack....I’ve eaten a orgasms as a delight- Experts say that when 1,” then who am I not
sexy pretzel, I won- doughnut off his dick, ful bonus instead done right, it can to try slowing down?
dered aloud, “Is this for crying out loud! transform sex into a
We screw like porn wonderland of mutual
stars auditioning for pleasure.
Karezza
IRL
“I’m in an LDR, H OW S LOW S E X “Karezza was too
which means we have to ROLLED intense for me and my
make the most of sex when fiancé! Maybe it was
WITH READERS
we’re together—a lot of quick- because we’re stressed out
ies! Trying karezza was a break planning our wedding, but
from our routine, and it was we both had a hard time
so, so good. Even though concentrating. We’ll try again
an orgasm isn’t the goal, I after we’re married!”
had t wo!”
—A L L I E , 28
—B E C C A , 2 4 “I asked the guy
94 %
I’m hooking up with to
try karezza with me. It was
weird to be so intimate with
someone who isn’t my
boyfriend, but it was also
really cool. He even texted
afterward to say how
of Cosmo
awesome the sex was.”
readers are
—S T E P H A N I E , 2 0
down to try
The karez za
karezza. (Report
comedown
back, k?)
SOURCE: In hindsight, I have
COSMO POLL
Ta k i n g i t s l o w. a few thoughts. First:
R e e e a l s l o w. We gradually Making out is the best!
My boyfriend and undressed each other, I felt like a teenager
I set aside a Satur- unlocking our eyes again. And all that
day night to turn on only to find the nec- intense eye contact
The Weeknd, dim the essary buttons and made me realize that
lights, and try it out. zippers. We got to I don’t often truly look
We stood facing each really look at each at my boyfriend. Ear-
other and made a pact other, which drove muffs if you can’t han-
not to laugh, no mat- me wild because I just dle mushy stuff, but I
ter how awkward. wanted to grab him remembered what a
Then we spent a good and let him slide into babe he is and how
hour, fully clothed, just me but couldn’t. Fully much I love him. That
kissing and touching naked, we took our shit was magical, and
each other. Not hurry- time exploring each if you could bottle it
researcher Steve ing was tough at first, other’s bodies with just up and sell it, you’d be
McGough points but then it became... lips and fingers, start- Elon Musk–level rich.
out: “Our digitally better? Feeling him get ing with 10 heavenly That said, karezza
I t ’s a p r o c e s s ,
overstimulated lives hard through his pants minutes of his head probably isn’t the best
not a position
have caused many but not being able to between my legs. We move on a casual
“Karezza movements of us to lose connec- do anything about it kissed some more, Tuesday. It’s a hot
are typically very tion with the deeper was frustrating in the taking short breaks to way to check in or
slow so as not to build parts of ourselves.” best way. We gave hug and stare. reconnect after time
toward orgasm,” says By spending so much each other foot mas- When we finally apart or a fight, but
Laurel Steinberg, time loving all up on sages—which I thought had intercourse in mis- it’s def kind of a time
PhD, a clinical sexolo- each other, you can would gross me out, sionary (face-to-face, suck. My boyfriend
gist and relationship get back in tune with but I was so worked ya know!), it lasted said the same, but he
expert. “Instead, bae...and your own up that any bare skin about one minute loved how close we
caressing, holding, and body too. turned me on. because we were both felt after. No shade
rubbing are the goals.” so horned up. Seri- to our usual moves—
It’s not about the end- ously, we climaxed at reverse-cowgirl can be
ing, but the journey, the exact same time. as enjoyable as it is
you feel? Penetrative Afterward, we just O-inducing—but some-
sex might still be the held each other and times a woman doesn’t
finale, but this is about This shit was magical,
both said—legit jinx- need to contort like
foreplay. On steroids. and if you could bot tle style—“Damn, that a pretzel. She’s not a
The payoff: next- it up and sell it, you’d was intense.” snack, she’s the whole
level feels. As sex be Elon Musk– level rich. damn meal.
lust
1 The Sex Snack

You two have been hooking up
again, and again, without devel-
oping ~feelings~. Maybe you’re
not looking for a relationship, or
10 sit u a t io nships perhaps you just want to explore
some new kinks. Either way, you
both know what’s up and keep
yo u didn’t eve n things strictly between the sheets.
If you’re not sure how
to DTR besides calling 2 The Free Pass
r e a liz e yo u’r e in it “a thing,” you’re Whether you’re blowing up their
probs in a situation- phone or vice versa, the only words
ship. Maybe you’re you two exchange are “u up?”
You’re not BF/GF, but you’re This happens when one of you is
having sleepovers
definitely...something. (a) drunk, (b) lonely, or (c) both.
with this person three There’s no need for romance…your
By ASHLEY MATEO times a week but you bodies are doing the talking.
forget they exist when
Mom asks if you’re 3 The Benefriend
1 2 “ I ’m o n my t hird dating anyone. Or Sure, things get physical, but you’re
d r ink, W YD? ” maybe you’re sliding probably going out to brunch the
into each other’s DMs next day too. You trust this person
enough to ask for their opinion on
daily but you haven’t
your dateability (even when you’re
actually hit the Follow naked) and know they won’t be
button yet. bothered or jealous.
Sound familiar?
It takes six weeks, on 4 The Sidebar
average, for new cou- You hit each other up for self-
ples to put any kind of esteem boosts whenever the
label on their relation- people you actually like dip out.
They’ll say you look amaze and
ship, according to a
how that match was an idiot to
recent survey from sex- ghost you. You’ve never gone past
toy brand EdenFan- a “thank you” make-out tho.
3 4
tasys. That is, if you
want to be official at 5 The Imaginary Eff
all. Maybe The Safety Not only are you into heavy sext-
Crush works just fine ing and getting into deep convos
for you, thankyouvery- over iMessage, but you also ask
each other how your work presen-
much. Here, the full
tations went. The problem? It’s all
cast of characters you on your phones. IRL hangs are rare
could be dealing with. or, eep, have never happened.
I L L U S T R AT I O N S BY FA G O S T U D I O. B U I L D I N G : G E T T Y I M A G E S .
D o my b o o bs
look good for 6 The Safet y Crush
5 yo u a t t his a n g l e? 6 Cute banter, do-me eye locks,
SO, W TF
lingering-a-bit-too-long hugs...
DO YOU except nothing sexual has really
happened here because it’s
DO NOW? too nice to live in that early
relationship-esque bubble where
I f y o u ’r e . . . shit can’t possibly go wrong.
...totally fine
with your 7 The Plus-One
situationship: Who doesn’t love that lifesaver
You do you, boo. “Just who will suit up for everything
be really transpar- from your office holiday party to
ent about what your your sorority sister’s wedding—no
goals are,” says questions asked? People think you
D o e s eve r y- clinical psychologist look great together, but you have
t hin g g o b a d? Jenny Taitz, PsyD. no real spark off the dance floor.
7 8
...losing sleep
over living 8 The Expiration Date
in this gray area: You like each other and are “dat-
Consider whether the ing” for all intents and purposes—
stress is worth it, says except there’s a hard stop when
Taitz. “The pain may you know you’ll need to cut things
outweigh the thrill of off. Maybe they’re about to move
the moment.” across the country or this is a fun
summer fling before school starts.
...ready to take
things to
the next level: 9 The Breadcrumber
DTR. Stat. Avoiding it They throw out “crumbs” of atten-
gets uncomfortable,
tion—sporadic flirty texts, comments
“especially if you want
on your ’grams, super-vague plan
something different,”
9 10
suggestions—to keep your interest
says psychologist
Niloo Dardashti, PsyD. but never follow through on any-
thing. This person gives you the
...pret t y positive absolute bare minimum.
you want out:
Treat them the way 10 The Missed Connection
you’d want to be
treated. “Just be Your first date went so well you
honest, and own it,” closed down the bar...but date two
says Dardashti. didn’t happen for six weeks. You
Whatever you do, can’t tell if it’s not getting serious
don’t ghost. because you’re just not feeling it or
the timing majorly sucks.
S e p t e m b e r 2019 C o s m o p o lit a n
87
lust
lust
Affordable
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The
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It’s not your first
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you want the best in
the effing West.
You deser ve to treat

yourself, y’know?
By CARINA HSIEH
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lust
What it ’s like
to date a guy who
ex
t -le
ve l?
lives at home
n
e
breakfasts ar
This house - that’s - not - his - house IS cute though.

By A L LY H I RSC H L AG
ke
*Dro
ca
n wn
pa s
’s o
Carol
ut
th
es
ou
nd of mo
m ’s
va
cu
um
*
Hooking up with a 23-year-old who resides
with his parents: standard. But when you’re both
older...and you still have to tiptoe past
their bedroom in order to get your own? #Halp.
After dating many men who’ve failed to launch,
I’ve got some wisdom for you.
PRO CON
H e ’s g o t a H e ’s g o t,
super-nice pad uh, older
Sure, it’s 90 minutes
roommates
deep into the ‘burbs, And they have a
but hey: four bed- strict “no guests
rooms and a hot tub. after NCIS” rule.
Yo u m e e t t h e Yo u ’ l l g e t t h e
parents ASAP hard sell
TALES FROM THE FRONT LINES
They’re going You know how a car
to adore you from salesman tries to
HIS MOM’S BASEMENT
the moment you say push a wreck that
hello, so expect “has a few good
bonus birthday miles left”? That, but
“For two years, I “I went on a date “My ex graduated “We were poor,
gifts this year. with an adult man.
dated a guy who with a guy who and got a sick fresh-outta-college
had moved back was 24 or 25 and job but quit after kids dating
A fully stocked An always in with his parents. lived at home. less than a year long-distance.
kitchen crowded house His family After the date, to move back in He was living
was amazing and we went upstairs with his parents in his parents’
A pantry stuffed with Boundaries are
variety snack packs nonexistent, and accepting—we to his parents’ and work in the basement—eating
and every single that includes when hung out there a game room to family business. their food, using
spice for that one you’re in what lot, and at times, watch TV, and I’d commute more their internet, etc.
time you spontane- you thought was a it felt like I lived his little brother than two hours Meanwhile, I was
ously want to cook. locked bathroom. there. We didn’t was in there and each way to see living on my
stay together, but refused to leave. him. When I got own. There’s a
it gave me insight Watching this guy my dream job in level of maturity
Lots of fun Sex in random and his brother the city, he was that comes with
as to how I might
date plans places share my space fight over wanting mad about it, so paying your own
He’s a master at Sounds hot in and compromise to be alone we broke up. Later, bills. I felt like he
adventures out- theory, but talk to on noise and in a room in their he admitted sometimes couldn’t
side the house, like me the next time you decor options.” parents’ house he was intimidated understand that,
paddleboarding get caught naked —A S H L E Y, 2 5 was just too by my success.” which made me
A L A MY.
or honey tasting in the back of a much for me.” —L E S L I E , 21 resent him a little.”
at a local farm. car by state police. —HELEN, 33 —ELIZABETH, 29
WARNING: This product
contains nicotine. Nicotine
is an addictive chemical.
lust
SEX Q&A
A ll yo ur
sup e r h ot s ex
qu est io ns,
ans we r e d
Ever y thing is fair game on
these pages, people.
It m
e,
By FAY E B R E N N A N
ma
-o
ke
ut
qu
een
.
I’m bisexual. How

do I deal with
nosy-AF Qs about
my hookups from
straight friends?
A As much as this
probably pisses you
off, take a beat and
think about it this way:
Friends will always
ask for the sexual
tea. Why? Because author of The Game of able—or even painful. Can I pass some -
talking about sex with Desire. Also, remem- Try hopping on top. one herpes if I give
people you know and ber that you only have “You’ll be in control them oral when I
trust is almost as much to spill what you’re of the thrusting, so you have a cold sore
fun as having it. (I said comfortable sharing. can decide how deep on my mouth?
almost.) And “their and fast he can go,” A ”Absolutely—we see
curiosity is a positive What’s the best says Boodram. Or try it all the time,” says
thing because you sex position when standing up with him Leah Millheiser, MD,
get to debunk myths you’re with a well- behind you. “He’ll clinical assistant pro-
and misconceptions in endowed guy? lose some inches fessor and director
one community—and A Well, lucky you! because you have of the female sexual
that might ultimately Then again...maybe a natural cushion medicine program at
help another commu- not? Receiving an between your bodies,” Stanford University.
nity,” says sex educa- oversize package explains Boodram. Whenever you feel
tor Shan Boodram, can be uncomfort- Hint: It’s your butt. a cold sore coming
a
a t m n i, b lust
th
b.
t
Protec
DUDES
WA N N A
KNOW
Do most women pre-
fer receiving oral on
their back, stomach,
I’ve been dying
or in a 69 position?
to incorporate
Survey says: ALL OF
more vibrators into THE ABOVE. But
Talking about sex with my partner’s and really, it’s whichever
people you know and trust my sex life. Any position she finds
advice for starting most comfortable.
is almost as much fun as Here’s a foolproof
the convo?
having it. (I said almost.) A Yay! You two are
one: Have your girl
lie on her back and
gonna love to buzz— prop a pillow under-
licking their nipples it adds such a fun neath her hips, sug-
feels the same as lick- dynamic to the bed- gests Sadie Allison,
PhD, founder
ing their elbow,” says room. But you’re not
of TickleKitty.com.
Dr. Millheiser. “If that’s alone in being new
you, your body might at this. While 42 per-
What should I
not be responding in cent of Cosmo readers do when I can tell a
the same physiologi- have tried using sex woman is faking an
cal way, but it’s noth- toys with their partner, orgasm? I want to be
able to please her....
ing to worry about.” 58 percent haven’t...
Hmm, you can tell?
yet. To join the other
Because most dudes
I know I should side, act like the idea can’t (so consider
pee after sex to just occurred to you. this your special
avoid a UTI, but “Use a dream as the talent!). As much as
what about after icebreaker, like ‘I had she shouldn’t feel
like she has to fake
masturbating? the wildest dream
it, you shouldn’t feel
A Here’s a little ditty last night that got me like you have to call
for ya: If something so hot. Can I tell you her out on it. Instead,
goes in, pee must about it?’” suggests next time you’re
come out. So, yes, you Boodram. “This way, hooking up, ask her
what feels good, or
should go before and you’re making it about
ask her to move your
after any kind of pene- what new toy you hands/mouth/body
tration during solo sex can try together ver- where she wants—
on (watch for telltale My partner loves to make sure no germs sus casting doubt that then follow her lead.
C LO C K W I S E F R O M L E F T; M A R C VA N DA L E N / B L A U B L U T - E D I T I O N .C O M ;
signs like skin tingling licking my nipples, made their way into your partner hasn’t
and pre-outbreak but they don’t get your urethra. “Think of been doing it for you.” I read that when
J A M I E N E L S O N / B L A U B L U T - E D I T I O N .C O M ; P H I L I P F R I E D M A N .
headaches) or if you hard. Is that weird? urine like a broth for women get turned
on, it’s a full-body
already visibly have A N ips can be a huge bacteria to grow in,” NAN
EN thing. Is that true?
R
one, going downtown erogenous zone for says Dr. Millheiser. “If B
Many of us get tin-
E
is an absolute no-go. women. They contain you get rid of it, then
FAY
gles in our spine and

“You probably also erectile tissue, which bacteria won’t have toes and feel hot all
want to avoid kissing typically makes them a chance to colonize over. Since arousal
starts in our brains
so you don’t transmit stick out whenever in your bladder and
and works down-
the virus mouth-to- they’re titillated. That cause an infection.” ward, it can often
Sex & Relationships
mouth,” says Dr. Mill- said, they can also Pleasuring your clitoris Director feel like our entire
heiser. “Try to wait be finicky—and that’s only? Then you don’t Email your sex body is electrified.
questions to And it’s awesome.
until the cold sore is totally normal too. have to go (unless, of SexQandA@
completely gone.” “For some women, course, you need to). Cosmopolitan.com.
l i f e
T his is w hy s e l f -
t im e r e x is t s.
A hy p e r - p r a c t i c a l
g ui d e t o
t r a ve lin g a l o n e
Be your own damn Insta husband.
By ASHLEY MATEO
C O U R T E S Y A S H L E Y M AT E O.
RumChata®. Caribbean Rum with Real Dairy Cream, Natural & Artificial Flavors, 13.75% alc/vol.
Agave Loco Brands, Pewaukee, WI. Please Enjoy Responsibly. RUMCHATA and CHATA are Registered Trademarks of Agave Loco, LLC.
lif e
e,
ud
od
s
nd
t.
ho
, ra
ss
you
thi
for
nk
Tha
o, #SoloTravel is having a moment. But
lots of women are feeling left out: 58 per-
cent of you say you wouldn’t feel comfort-
able adventuring on your own, according
to a recent Cosmo poll. This sort of
makes sense (thank you, news, for always being filled
with dire woman-traveling-alone stories). But it’s also kind
of annoying. Like, yeah, some of the perils are real—but
who wants to wait to see the world until you find an S.O.
or until your cal magically syncs up with your BFF’s? The
truth is that you can, and should, have a blast setting
off by yourself. It’s just about figuring out how to win
at me-time and, of course, staying smart.
*A L L* T H E
KING-
PICS,
SIZE BED
WITHOUT
FOR ME,
THE
PLZ NO
DRAMA
PARTNER,
“J US T O N E? ”
No diva-ish travel NO
Now that you’re a party
F*CK YES. buddies mean you can BAGGAGE
of one, there’s no one
finally stay where you
around to rush your per-
want to stay. When Being on your own means
Having to answer “YEP, fect shot or shame you for
searching for a room, put packing light—and like a
JUST ME” every time a taking too many selfies
your trust in reviews, and genius. You need a bag
waiter asks is enough to (there’s no such thing,
pay special attention to you can actually lug
make even the most BTW). Instead, pair up
exact locations, not just around on your own,
blissed-out tourist feel a with the most influencer-
neighborhoods. “I once sometimes for long peri-
wee bit lonely. “I usually esque equipment of all: a
noticed in the comments ods of time. “When I
make a joke out of it, tripod. Grab a tiny one
of a Cape Town Airbnb started to travel solo, I
which breaks the awk- for under $10 at Target
that it was really close to used a giant backpack,”
wardness,” says Berna and throw it in your purse.
a loud nightclub,” says says Mak. “It killed my
Anat (@HeyBerna), a Pop your phone into it
Anat. “That means there back. Now I use a much
financial influencer who when inspiration strikes,
are always going to be a smaller one and only
travels solo. “I tell them and use your self-timer. If
P-OF- bunch of drunks around— bring the necessities.”
TRI ‘I’m taking myself on a you just can’t nail the pic
FETIM not great if you’re a single Sorry, amahzing-but-
-LI E
date’ or ‘I can entertain
woman.” Same goes if
on your own, look for
huge-knee-high boots—
A myself.’” But you also
ALERT! your hotel is in a super-
someone carrying a real
don’t owe anyone an you’re staying at home.
camera. “They probably
secluded area that you’ll Make a few clothes last
explanation. “Just say know how to take better
need an expensive Uber the entire trip by bringing
‘yes’ proudly with a photos,” says Kristin
We’r e g i v i n g to and from. a stain pen and a
a w a y $10 0,0 0 0
smile,” says Queenie Addis of the blog Be My
Mak, who runs the travel small bottle of detergent
to one lucky Travel Muse. “If I don’t like
blog Ms Travel Solo. Then and washing dirties
reader so you can their snaps, I thank them,
book a private jet enjoy a meal with your in the sink.
then wait a few minutes
t o t a ke y o u a n d fave companion (you). Google Map a hotel
and ask someone else.”
y o u r c r e w w h e r- before you book and
e v e r T F y o u w a n t. make sure it’s in a central
Re a l l y. S e r i o u s l y.
area. No matter where Your absolute must-pack
This is actually
h a p p e n i n g. E n t e r you stay, pack a rubber item: a dummy wallet,
If a sitch feels at all Embrace the #LaterGram.
for a chance to door-stopper wedge, says Addis. “I hide the
sketchy, pull out your “Take photos, soak it in,
win at PrivateJet which you can buy on good stuff, like my
stranger-danger skills then go to a safe place
.C o s m o p o l i t a n Amazon for under $10. credit card, in my shoe or
.c o m. from kindergarten. “I’ll and post,” says Anat.
“There are stories about bra and just have a bag
say my ‘partner’ is joining “That way, you’re not
hotel keys being reused,” with petty cash and
me—even though I’m not broadcasting where you
says Anat. “Just stick a canceled cards I can
married—or that I’m are on your own.” Then
stopper under the front hand over if someone
meeting up with my fam- you get to properly obsess
door and no one will be tries to mug me.”
ily,” says Kiersten Rich of over the French gardens
able to get in.”
The Blonde Abroad blog. you traveled 5,000 miles
to see in real time.
Jacob Sanchez
Diagnosed with autism
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BECAUSE WE BELIEVE: SWEAT. CHANGES. EVERYTHING.
lif e
6 sn e ak y
wa ys t o
Update your
old-school go-to
drink a t We a r a w i n e b r a
If you really want to
t h e m ov ies
commit, get a WineRack.
Showing up with It comes in three sizes
booze in a water bottle that all hold 25 ounces
is effective...but also of liquid (spicy margs,
very college. It’s time anyone?). All you have to
to retire that plastic— do is fill it up—and make
brands like S’well make Because nothing says relaxation sure you’re wearing
cute 25-ounce containers more than a bra full of wine. a shirt that you can snake
that’ll *also* keep your the long tubes through.
drink chilled the entire By SARAH WELDON Share with friends and be
movie. (P.S. Just one holds the hero of your crew.
an entire bottle of rosé,
so you and your girls
are covered.)
Use cargo pockets

re * c h e f ’s k i s
sa s*. (not kidding)
a rg
Pull a Rihanna m
“My adult boyfriend still
t
re
Sec
“Okay, so after RiRi refuses to get rid of

wore a flask bracelet at his cargo shorts,”
Coachella last year, I says Emma Holmes, 23,
bought one and used “but at least they come
it at Mamma Mia 2,” in handy on movie dates.
says Leigh Miller, 25, a The pockets can fit a can
genius. “It felt weird but it of beer, spiked seltzer,
was kind of awesome. No mini booze, whatever.”
one even cared that I was Also, cargo pants are
drinking out of my wrist.” now officially ~on trend~
Bed Bath & Beyond (for better or worse),
sells one for $20 so there’s zero shame
that can fit a little more in this game.
than two shots.
Bring an
Break out extra tampon
the gummy bears
But the boozy kind:
This one takes some Amazon sells tube-
dedication so assign it shaped “tampon flasks”
to your Virgo friend: Two that fit up to an ounce
days pre-movie, soak of alcohol. Fill up a
10 gummies in a bowl few, throw ’em in your
of vodka (or your hard bag, pass them around,
liquor of choice). Make and you can totally turn
sure they’re totally sub- the Downton Abbey
merged and covered in movie into a drinking
the fridge. Then dry ‘em game. We’ll start you off:
off and pop them in a zip- Take a shot every time
lock like the soccer mom you wish Matthew were
S TO C K S Y.
of your dreams. still alive.
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lif e
ltiple pho
Mu to
The
op
Why so many brides are
s?
Ve r y d o w n
saying t wo “I dos.”
r is e of t h e
By JESSICA GOODMAN
.
weddings = everybody
double
gets what they want…
and sometimes where
they want. For couples
we d din g
with far-flung relatives,
like Maryland native
Melanie Altar and
her Scottish partner
N Y Liam Allan, spreading
the festivities across
a
continents is the most
(only?) feasible way
to celebrate with
nyone all their loved ones.
of t w
who’s got- perk o (These guys opted for
ne C A
w
ten into a traditional Scottish

O
Tw
ed
o
d in g s?
it over a folk-dancing party in

cu
t e ’f i t s .
guest list with a future in without the stress the UK, then legally
MIL or helped a bride of guests,” says Fried- became hubby and
write place cards until richsen. (She points to wife in the U.S. a few
3 a.m. can attest that “epic Instagram photos months later.)
planning a wedding of couples exchang- And TBQH, some-
is Hard. As. Hell. So ing vows in breath- times it’s just more
it’s tough to imagine taking settings” as convenient. New York-
any sane engaged igniting this trend.) But ers Connie Wang
couple being like, that may not go down and Nathan Reese
“Let’s do it twice!” so well with the folks (pictured here) had
But that’s exactly back home, as new- a backyard party
what’s happening lyweds Ivy and Matt planned in California.
more often these Ford found out while But arriving early to
days, according to making plans to elope get a marriage license
wedding planning on the Italian coast. To wasn’t an option, so
pros like Christina tiered cakes and eat include their families, they decided to take
Friedrichsen, founder them too. not,” says the groom. they decided to first do care of that at home.
of IntimateWeddings Then there are the “Having two ceremo- the city-hall thing and They toasted with a
.com, and Maggie attempts to please nies brought everyone a celebratory few friends and a
Gaudaen, cofounder different families closer together.” dinner with 40 guests fancy meal two weeks
of Pop Wed Co. Our with varying lists Others decide to in New York City. before leaving for their
age of on-demand of demands. Take host a second event “Most people remem- big ceremony.
everything is helping Yaagnik Kosuri and as a concession of ber our wedding as Bottom line: If
make it happen, and Farnoosh Mahdavi, sorts. Their real goal city hall,” says Ivy, you’re about to walk
F R O M L E F T: I S H A V I J; L A U R E N S P I N E L L I P H OTO G R A P H Y.
our obsession with who had two wed- is an intimate elope- “but to us, it’s Italy.” down the aisle and
documenting—and dings—one Hindu, ment and “having a In a way, repeat the thought of doing
posting about—every one Persian—over the chance to take it all “I dos” are the per- the whole thing twice
little event is adding course of one week- fect compromise: Two sounds kinda appeal-
more fuel, leaving lots end. “We’re from ing, go for it. Just
of soon-to-be-marrieds completely different don’t expect your
wondering why they cultures, and while we guests to send two gifts
In a way, it ’s kind of the per fect
can’t have their two have always straddled because, uh, they’ve
Pinterest-perfect three- that line with each compromise. Two weddings = got a lot of weddings
other, our families had ever ybody gets what they want. to go to this year.
Creamy dressing can’t be fruity?
e m e .
Bi t
lif e
at a
ing
ov
nd it thr
m
ea ill
ac
ur b os s is
s
lp
yo
glacia
RK
u.
O
W IT
yo
n
he
W Pr o t ip: G e t
yourse lf a
rid e-or-die work
wif e you can
strat e gize wit h.
How to tell your boss you’re unhappy

at work without getting fired
Deep breaths, bb. Deep breaths.
By DANI BLUM
ı
N E V E R A C T U A L LY NAB SOME
S AY “ I ’M M I Z ” CAL TIME
BE SUUUPER
SPECIFIC
Something so real: Honestly, just the
BRING IDEAS
Demanding a fix idea of sending
Make a list of Come armed with
will do you exactly a “Hey, can we
every factor that solutions, says
f your zero favors. So chat???” email is
bums you out, even consultant Steve
Sunday instead of calling enough to make
the subpar office McClatchy. If you
Scar- out your supervi- you want to keep
snacks. Then nar- wish “traveling
ies are more like sor’s micromanag- quiet altogether.
row it down to the for work” meant
Sunday Hating- ing, try something The work-around:
most critical issues, across state lines
My-Job-Is-Ruining- like: “I need your Ask if you can
like the ones you versus to and from
My-Life-sies, it’s help with a chal- set up a monthly
rant about in your lunch, find industry-
beyond time to lenge I’m having,” 20-minute check-in.
group texts (hi, relevant events to
speak up. Here’s advises career Use the first
working overtime attend. Then tell
how to make coach Andrea one to bring up
without extra pay!). her how this would
your case without Goeglein, PhD. The whatever’s bother-
getting shown That’s the stuff help your team:
point is to make ing you and
the exit. you’ll want to get “I can make
your boss *want* the rest for
into with your boss. connections that
to help you productive
(Also, bring your might bring in
problem-solve, not convos about
own damn snacks.) business.” Who’s
get defensive. your work.
the star now?
6 r e d f l a g s t h a t m e a n i t ’s t i m e t o l e a v e
EVERET T CO LLECTION.
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.
Your role isn’t Your boss isn’t on You low-key hate There’s *actual* You haven’t gotten There’s no room
really the your side. your coworkers. unfairness or a raise in forever— to grow past
right fit for you. sexism at your job. and feel like the role you’re
you deserve one. in rn.
©2019 Procter & Gamble
Zero Feel
Zero Leaks. Zero Bunching. Zero Bulk.
with
Fit to Form Up to 10 Hours

it’s possible
GROOVES LEAK-FREE
lif e
Sharing?
I d o n’t
k now he r.
O h h i,
Find t his and ot he r

dessert of
insane l y OT T re cip e s
in t he up coming c o ok b o ok
H e llo, Co okie D ough,
by K rist e n To mlan. your
A DA P T E D F R O M H E L LO, C O O K I E D O U G H: 110 D O U G H L I C I O U S C O N F E C T I O N S TO E AT, B A K E, A N D S H A R E, BY K R I S T E N

TO M L A N . C O P Y R I G H T © 2 019. P U B L I S H E D BY G R A N D C E N T R A L P U B L I S H I N G. P H OTO G R A P H BY E VA N S U N G.
sexiest dreams
Cookie dough AND pie pockets?
Whence did you come, heaven?!
By JESSICA GOODMAN
THE PASTRY THE DOUGH THE BAKE

Buy two sheets of 1
Grab 1 ∕8 cups edible Poke holes in the cen-
your favorite cookie dough (like ter of each pocket (to
premade pie dough DŌ’s chocolate chip, let out steam), and
and roll them out cookiedonyc.com). bake your cuties on
until they’re each Add 2 tablespoons to parchment-lined
roughly 9'' x 13''. the middle of half of cookie trays at 350
Cut each sheet into your pie-dough rect- degrees for 20 to
9 equal rectangles angles. Top each 30 minutes. After
so you have 18 total. with the remaining they’re cool, go wild
Coat the edges of pastry to create on the decorations.
every rectangle 9 pie pockets. Crimp (Can’t go wrong
with a brushing of the edges together with icing and
whisked egg. with a fork. sprinkles, duh.)
´ţš
Ő
THE REASON EVERYONE SAVES
ROOM FOR DESSERT
(incl. refrigerating)
W HAT YO U NE ED
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 cup plus 2 Tbsp. sugar, divided
6 Tbsp. butter, melted
3 cups (12 oz.) raspberries, divided
1 Tbsp. each zest and juice from 1 lemon
4 eggs
M AKE I T
HEAT oven to 325°F.
of prepared pan. Bake 10 min.
pour over crust.
PERFECT
´ţš
Ő IS MADE WITH
©2019 Kraft Foods

lif e
LEVEL
UP
Yo u r s i n k i s
your secret part y
weapon
Only le gends do this.
And you? You’re ab out to b e a le gend.
By JESSICA GOODMAN
C H E L S E Y K Y L E . S T Y L E D BY R E B E C C A J U R K E V I C H .
DO A VE A FEW
LEA
A L ISO N ROM A N, AU TH O R O F EP CLEAN FILL
‘ER UP INGS OUT
DE TH
TH E U P COM I N G CO O K BO O K N OTH I N G FAN CY,
Before going into Add enough ice As in, garnishes
throws *the best* parties. One of her full part y mode, scrub so your sink is half full, and anything edible.
favorite tricks? Fill your kitchen sink that bish really well, says Roman. Then Set those up on a
says Roman. (You throw in a bunch of nearby counter or bar
or bathtub with ice to create a very know there are still some wine, beer, and soda cart. Swipe any leftovers
convenient (and extremely chic) cooler. Try nast y leftovers hanging to show your guests this right into the garbage,
it this weekend; just be prepared for around!) Then plug is where their BYOB and let any remaining
the drain so all stuff goes. (They did ice melt down the drain.
all your friends to freak the eff out over that ice and cold water BYOB, right?!) Cleanup, done.
your genius move. stay put. Freaking brilliant.
SQUEEZE
THE MOMENT
THE FRAGRANCE COLLECTION SERVED BY COSMOPOLITAN
A V A I L A B L E E X C L U S I V E LY AT U LTA B E A U T Y
T H E
U N A P O L O G E T I C
R E T U R N
O F
A Z A L E A
The infamous Australian export is here to claim her
se cond chance. (H er sophomore f ull - l ength st udio album,
I n M y D e f e n s e , d r o p p e d J u l y 19. ) S h e k n o w s w h a t
y o u ’r e t h i n k i n g . A n d s h e d o e s n’ t c a r e . I t ’s c a l l e d g r o w t h .
By JEN ORTIZ
Phot o graphe d by ERIC R AY DAVIDSO N
St y le d by AYA K A NAI
THIS PAGE
Balmain jacket, Neiman

Marcus. Mercura NYC
sunglasses. Lele Sadoughi
earrings
OPPOSITE PAGE
Anna-Karin Karlsson
sunglasses.
Shourouk earrings
ggy Azalea won’t leave the room until she’s shattered everything inside.
The rapper is wearing big construction gloves and a hard hat with a protec-
tive plastic shield across her face, standing inside a space that looks like a
Law & Order interrogation room gone bad. Along the wall rest a sledgeham-
mer, two baseball bats, and two crowbars. She requests Outkast’s “Bombs
Over Baghdad” to blast over the speakers—“That’s a good smash song.”
She warms up by hurling some glasses (shot, pint, mason jar), one by one,
against a diamond-plated steel wall—until, apparently over it, she just
chucks a whole bunch at once. She attacks a clunky office printer, picking it
up and unceremoniously dumping it onto the floor. Then there’s a big flat-
“YOU GET AS M ANY screen TV. Turns out, breaking a television into itty-bitty pieces is way harder
CHANCES AS YOU’RE WILLING than it looks. Iggy hits it with a crowbar several times
before she realizes it’s not going to happen. But it is going
T O F *C K I N G to happen. She wedges the pointy end of the crowbar into
a crack on the screen, separating thin black layers of glass
F I G H T F O R
until the display is totally, definitely gone.
TO OTH A N D NAIL .” From the neck down, Iggy’s wearing what she calls her
“airport outfit”: an oversize tie-dye hoodie in baby pastels
from Korean streetwear brand 99%IS over a vintage Ozzy
Osbourne T-shirt, light-gray joggers, and clean white
sneakers. Somehow this totally works with her glamorous
head, which is topped with a sky-blue wig tucked inside
her hoodie. Her makeup has an airbrushed Barbie Insta-
gram dream-girl effect—Kardashian lashes and extra-
pouty, nude-colored lips. In other words, she’s not exactly
blending in to our surroundings, a tidy, faux-gritty bar
near New York City’s actually gritty Penn Station. The
place has a room in the back, The Wrecking Club, where
you can, ahem, work out all your issues.
Iggy isn’t angry, by the way. She smashed all that stuff
to make a point. “I’d have been so annoyed if we had just
left it lying there because we’re girls,” she says over pro-
sciutto and margherita pizzas in a private room usually
used for (what else?) throwing your glass against the wall
after you’re done with your drink. “Like, Sorry, couldn’t
do it, that’s too hard for us to break.”
Speaking of seemingly indestructible stuff, remember
when Iggy herself was untouchable? Five years ago,
“Fancy” was the Grammy-nominated song of the summer
you couldn’t get out of your head. She was in a high-
profile relationship with NBA player Nick Young, himself
famous enough to get away with the nickname Swaggy P.
She starred in a Super Bowl commercial, fashion cam-
paigns for Levi’s, Forever 21, and Steve Madden, and one
of the year’s most-watched music videos on YouTube.
11 2
C o s m o p o l i t a n S e p t e m b e r 2019
THIS PAGE
Michael Cinco dress.

Mercura NYC sunglasses.
Ninon earrings
OPPOSITE PAGE
Michelle Mason dress, The

Outnet. Shourouk earrings
O h not hing, just our c hic-

as-shit new f ra grance.
Eau d e J uice, $55, a vailable
exc lusive l y at Ult a B e aut y.
Iggy was getting ready to headline a huge North Ameri-
can tour. She was being readied for the level of stardom
reached by other pop-music blondes who go by first
names. And then suddenly, she wasn’t. second chance, and so what if this isn’t her first second
She lost at the Grammys. Her engagement ended after a chance? “You get as many shots as you are able to perse-
cheating scandal that played out like reality TV. (Nick was vere for in life, no matter what you do,” she says. “You get
reportedly caught bragging about sleeping with other as many chances as you’re willing to sit there and fucking
women in a leaked video. Iggy later said she also caught really fight for tooth and nail. And I’m not going to stop
him on their home security cameras.) The tour was fighting for a second chance until somebody fucking
“rescheduled” and later canceled. She told fans there’d gives me one, and then I’m not going to fuck it up.”
been a “creative change of heart,” the sort of phrase that Iggy’s been going this hard since before she was Iggy,
invites internet conspiracy theories. There was talk of a when she was Amethyst Kelly from Mullumbimby,
second studio album—and not surprisingly, record-label Australia, a town that is impossible to pronounce
drama—but that got put off indefinitely too. Her Twitter correctly. At age 16, she got on a plane, alone, to Miami. It
feuds (Azealia Banks, Q-Tip, Papa John’s) left her perpet- was just a vacation with a girlfriend, she told her mom,
ually playing one of two roles: the villain or the punch but in reality, the friend bailed and Iggy never planned on
line. Iggy eventually released some new singles, music coming back. She was going to be a rapper. There was no
videos, and an EP, but it just wasn’t the same. backup plan. She networked the hell out of Myspace
Now, though, she’s *really* back—whether you want Music. She dropped mixtapes, got a record deal, and
her or not—and it’s on her own terms this time. In My opened for Beyoncé.
Defense, out now and full of humor, raunch, and bops that Today, it’s a fact that if you say “Iggy Azalea” three
make you want to embarrass yourself at the club, is her times in a mirror, a think piece will appear behind you
first album since leaving the big-name record labels to waxing philosophical on the definition of “cultural
become an independent artist. “I guess I’m sort of my own appropriation” and authenticity. And not without reason.
boss—well, I am my own boss,” she says. “I should say that She is, after all, a white woman profiting off black culture.
with authority: I am my own boss.” Iggy sees this as her She raps with a “blaccent,” which, in her case, is an exag-
gerated Southern drawl that can’t be found in
Australia. When asked about the issues sur-
“I’M STILL GOING rounding “speaking black” in a 2013 interview
with Complex, Iggy responded, “If you’re mad
TO BE RIDICULOUS about it and you’re a black person, then start a
rap career and give it a go too.” A few months
A N D L A R G E R before that, Iggy faced backlash from fans
T H A N L I F E . who’d uncovered some old racist tweets she
claimed were jokes. And before that, she had to
SO I CAN’T BE THAT F*CKING write an apology for using the phrase “runaway
SORRY ABOUT IT.” slave-master” in a lyric.
If you’ve been reading this waiting to get to
the part where Iggy apologizes for all the
above—sorry, she’s not sorry. (The most sing-
along-able lyric off one of her new songs is “I
started to say sorry / But fuck that shit,” so
yeah.) But listen, she does get it now. Sort of. She
thinks cultural appropriation is subjective,
even though she knows that sounds like a
fucked-up thing to say. “You could ask one per-
son of the same race, ‘Does this affect you?’ and
they will say yes,” she explains. “But another
person will say no. They could be from the same
place, same everything, but have different per-
spectives about it.”
Then again, can you really say sorry and then
keep doing the same shit? (Her question.) “I’m
still going to make the same type of music
and still be ridiculous and larger than life,” she
says. “So I can’t be that fucking sorry about it.”
11 4
THIS PAGE
Chinti & Parker dress.

Marimekko hat. Mercura
NYC sunglasses.
Jennifer Fisher earrings
OPPOSITE PAGE
Rita Vinieris cape

“THE OLDER I GET,
T H E L E S S
I K N O W
ABOUT
ANY THING.”
The way she sees it, the reason some people hate her is the
same reason a lot of other people love her, so what’s she
supposed to do? In fact, she describes her fans as “free
thinkers.” As she puts it, “They have to be because if you
thought what everybody else thought, you probably
wouldn’t be a fan of mine.”
Iggy used to feel really defensive about this stuff. “I
would hit back and say, ‘What about this that I had to go
through?’ because I wanted to talk so much about my
experiences of things I didn’t have, and I think it felt like I
wasn’t acknowledging that there is white privilege and
there is institutionalized racism,” she says. “It seemed to
a lot of people like I was living in this bubble or unaware of
all these things that people have to experience.”
The charitable interpretation is that Iggy understands
that the criticism stems from America’s relationship with
race and that that history is fucked up. And hey, if that’s
how you feel or what you believe, she’s not taking away
the fact that it’s real for you. The less charitable one is that
she doesn’t care. Either way, she’s going to stop rage-
tweeting about it.
That growth is courtesy of what she describes as a
mental-health retreat in Arizona that her management
team insisted she attend two years ago. She resisted at
first but eventually acquiesced. (“They just didn’t want
me to fuck up my own life, basically,” she says.) For about
two weeks, Iggy sat with a therapist to unpack everything:
her childhood and what had made her feel out of control
as a kid; her control issues as an adult; resisting criticism,
specifically “not being able to separate well-intended
criticism from trolling.” She identified the forms of sabo-
tage she was inflicting on herself. Mentally, she needed a
break. “I just couldn’t get out of functioning at this insan-
ity level,” she says. “Where you’re like, Whoa, hold on,
don’t operate the vehicle.”
Looking back now, her chaotic ascent lasted forever
and not at all. “The whole thing was very overwhelming,” threatened to release stills from an alleged Iggy sex tape).
Iggy says. It’s not hard to imagine what it must have felt This stuff hasn’t really let up either: More recently,
like—how thrilling and disorienting and wonderful and nude outtakes from Iggy’s GQ Australia shoot were
awful to be so young you could still be on your parents’ allegedly stolen and posted on the internet without her
health-insurance plan and then, like that, “you’re sud- consent. When the photos leaked, Iggy wrote a statement
denly mega fucking famous within a few months.” And on Instagram that she felt “blindsided, embarrassed,
almost immediately, people make headlines by criticiz- violated, angry, sad, and a million other things.” She
ing you (or in Snoop Dogg’s case, calling you a bitch), law- knows there are people who don’t understand why she’d
suits suddenly appear (one for a casual $1.5 million by a be so upset. It’s not like she hasn’t done sexy shoots
disgruntled producer), and your own body becomes a before. “That’s the problem with you understanding
weapon used against you (the hacker group Anonymous consent,” she says. “When somebody else chooses for me,
that’s not consensual.” Old Iggy would’ve lost her shit.
11 6
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Barneys. Marion Parke heels
Hair: Francisco Maymi (Hair by

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using Melt Cosmetics.
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Her lightbulb moment was realizing that maybe she’d

been wrong—blowing up on critics and other stars, being those little girls who fantasizes about her wedding—but
difficult to work with, screaming out all her feelings on she’d love to be a mom.
Twitter. “You want to be right so bad because you feel like Just thinking about her early 20s makes her cringe.
you’re justified, your emotions are so real,” she says “There’s a part of me that doesn’t necessarily dispute
matter-of-factly, like someone who’s learned to talk about everything I’ve said,” Iggy says. “But I definitely feel like,
these things in therapy. “It’s hard to say, ‘Okay, I handled Who the fuck is that person? It’s that time in your life when
that in a bad way.’” you think, I’m a real grown-up and I know everything, and
Iggy has left Los Angeles for Atlanta, where she you can’t tell me shit.” Now she knows the truth: The more
recorded in her mixtape days, to live with her boyfriend, stuff you break, the harder it is to put it all back together.
rapper Playboi Carti. Fast-forward 10 years and she hopes “The older I get, the less I fucking know about any-
she and Playboi are still together, still living in Atlanta. thing,” she says. With that, Iggy stands up and throws her
She doesn’t care if they get married—she was never one of now-empty water glass across the room. It makes a loud
clang. She doesn’t flinch.
T h e y
c a l l
h e r
T h e
S a v
Y o u ’ v e n e v e r h e a r d o f h e r. O r t h e l i v e s
s h e ’s s a v e d . T h a t ’s b e c a u s e t h e
t o p - s e c r e t i n v e s t i g a t o r ’s j o b i s t o
stop violent acts before they even happen.
Andrea Stanley goes undercover with the
a n o n y m o u s w o m a n w h o ’s b e e n
quietly taking down the most malevolent
men in America.
a n t
Content warning: This stor y contains details about violence and sexual assault.
Michael Finton
was living in
D e c a t u r, I l l i n o i s ,
a shrinking manufacturing town, ing. And as spring turned to summer, This was the plan:
working as a part-time cook at a Finton’s posts got even darker. That’s
cheap take-out joint. He was 29 and when she called the FBI. For 96 hours, I’d disappear. No one
unmarried, with red hair and white What happened next reads like a could know where I was going—not
skin, described as polite by his movie script, except more dramatic my editor, not my husband, not my
coworkers, as the mild-mannered and all true. Federal authorities set mom. I’d heard about the Savant
guy next door by his neighbors. He up a sting operation that resulted in from one of her colleagues at the
liked to hang out and play cards and Finton getting into a van he thought Anti-Defamation League (ADL),
watch soccer. He also wanted to kill was rigged with nearly one ton of where she works closely with law
as many people as he could. explosives. He told his accomplice, in enforcement agencies. After several
But no one knew that yet—except reality an undercover FBI informant, weeks of discussion, she’d agreed to
for her. that the blast would be a “historic speak with me only if I promised to
An elite investigator who tracks occasion.” He parked the van outside withhold major details, including
angry men online, she’s known a federal office building in Spring- her location and exactly how she
to some in her field as the Savant field, Illinois, where hundreds of does her work. Two weeks before I
because of her uncanny ability to people worked. And then, from a met her, I still didn’t know her name.
suss out when, exactly, hate speech few blocks away, he made a call that One week out, I bought a plane ticket
will morph into violent action. She he thought would trigger the explo- that would take me to a small town
came across Finton’s Myspace pro- sion. When nothing happened, he in the U.S. (I can’t even say which
file in 2007 and was disturbed by called again. region.) When my flight departed, I
what she saw: videos of extremists It could have been one more mass- had no direct contact information
carrying out brutal killings along- casualty event on our grim, ever- for her, just the cell number of one of
side quotes glorifying religious lengthening list. Columbine. her handlers.
martyrdom. The page gave her a Orlando. Charleston. But it wasn’t. What I can reveal: Her house is a
primal, hairs-on-end feeling she’d Because Finton was immediately six-song-playlist’s drive outside of
learned not to ignore. swarmed by FBI agents and mem- town. When I land on a Monday
Back then, online rage was still rel- bers of the Joint Terrorism Task morning, I head north and west into
atively new. This was before Dylann Force. He was shackled, locked up, a flat horizon in a rented silver Kia,
Roof used the internet to self- and indicted, eventually pleading passing a Target and a Texas Road-
radicalize, before men flocked to guilty to one count of attempted house. One of the nation’s premier
message boards to tap out screeds use of a weapon of mass destruction investigators of extremism, hidden
against women, before mass shoot- against property owned by the here amid the capitalist camouflage
ers shared their delusional final United States. He’s now serving and exurban sprawl. I end up in a
manifestos on social media. Back 28 years in federal prison. development for families on their
P R E V I O U S S P R E A D, H O U S E S: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
when you could post all the crazy There were plenty of news articles way up: three-car garages, lawn
shit you wanted online and no one about Finton’s arrest, but you won’t crews, giant trampolines. The brown
really took you seriously. find her name in any of them. and powder-brown houses work hard
She started screenshotting every- Instead, in articles about her cases, to distinguish themselves from one
thing Finton posted. She dug into his you’ll see words like “tip,” “alerted,” another—a fountain in the front
past and found out he’d spent time in “uncovered.” Words that basically yard here, an orange wreath on the
prison for assault and robbery and mean her. Even the existence of door there. Everything blends and
seemed to have adopted radical her work has been largely a mystery. blurs together; nothing stands out.
views behind bars. She kept watch- At least, until now. This is the point.
12 0
C o s m o p o lit a n S e p t e m b e r 2019
B e f o r e s h e s t a r t e d t r a c k-
in g d a n g e r o us m e n
o n lin e, K h o n e d h e r
ins t in c t s—a n d h e r n e r v e s
o f s t e e l—a s a m a r in e a n d
t h e n a c o p.
around on the inter-

net (trust me, I
looked)—that her
biggest claim to
fame in her cul-de-
I pull into a concrete driveway sac is that she
with a slight upward slope. The chased off a guy
house has stone siding and a match- who was grifting everyone’s Wi-Fi.
ing shed that sits to one side like a We move to her home office, where
life-size dollhouse (her woodwork- she pulls a plaque out of a drawer.
ing shop, I later learn). It’s the type of It’s a photo and a framed letter from
place you’d think belongs to some- then–FBI director Robert Mueller
one with no secrets, the blinds wide that says, in part, “We are so grateful
open for anyone to look inside. for the good work—and the good—
She answers the door herself. you do.” It’s proof that the people
She’s wearing a gray T-shirt, jeans, who need to know, know.
black boots, gold hoop earrings. Her
height, her brown hair—it’s all nor-
Studying behavior
mal, unremarkable. She looks how
she looks, which is not like a top- networks in the country. Her hours to predict what people will do next is
secret agent hunting murderous are all the time; hate doesn’t sign off not a new job. The FBI has employed
internet villains but also not not like at 5 p.m. Her job, i.e., to stop poten- profilers like K for years to help them
one. She projects a low-key confi- tial mass murderers from carrying catch serial killers and repeat rap-
dence that makes me feel like she out their plots, used to mean track- ists. But in the age of internet radi-
could put me in a headlock (and she ing domestic terrorists like Finton. calization, it’s more important than
could, she will later admit, although But lately, K’s focus has been pulled ever to determine who is actively
“that wouldn’t be my first choice”). toward the alt-right, a younger, more plotting mass killings versus just
She tells me to call her K, based on a misogynistic version of the white fetishizing them online. K is the best
childhood nickname, and gives me supremacist movement that’s con- of the best at seeing the difference.
a handshake-slash-hug. “I’m sure verting a new generation on message And of course, misogyny is having
they told you I didn’t really want to boards and social media. She is a devastatingly proud moment.
do this,” she says. tracking the men who hate women. “We’ve never really seen violent hate
She has a guardedness about her And they’re so dangerous that most being directed at women like we are
but laughs easily. “I hope you like of her family and friends don’t even now, in the same way that it has been
dogs!” she says as hers yip at my feet. know what she does. “I just tell them for black people and Jews,” says
(I don’t, actually, but I lie, then I’m a researcher on domestic terror- Heidi Beirich, director of the
immediately worry she can tell.) ism,” she says. “I think they assume I Intelligence Project at the Southern
We take a seat at her tawny- work for a think tank.” Poverty Law Center.
colored dining-room table (she Her life depends on her anonym- To join a cult of angry men, you
made it by hand). It’s here, amid ity. It’s what allows her to exercise used to have to show up in a field in
stacks of bills, sticky breakfast outside during the brightest bits of the middle of the night. You had to
dishes, and tropical vacation photos day and to shop for groceries without know someone, get a tattoo, shave
of her, her husband, and their kid, looking over her shoulder. She main- your head. Now you just have to click
that K spends her days and nights tains such a low profile—no personal around on a computer, anonymously
infiltrating the angriest extremist social media, zero selfies floating if you want to. And scary numbers of
12 1
Yo u w o n’t s e e K’s
n a m e in t h e
h e a d lin e s a b o u t m e n
s h e’s h e l p e d c a t c h.
men do. The ADL estimates that tens

of thousands of alt-right members
have popped up in the last few years.
There are the incels (involuntary cel-
ibates), who are angry at women for
not sleeping with them. The pickup
artists, or PUAs, who believe in
manipulating women to have sex.
There’s the Red Pill community,
which preaches, among other things,
that women have it better, so much
better, than men. “If someone is
lonely and connects with one of
these groups, taking on the
ideological beliefs of the group
happens almost subconsciously,”
says Michael J. Williams, PhD, a Many of today’s extremists hide self-described incel, drove a van
researcher who studies how to coun- their radical views under the guise of into a sidewalk full of people in
ter violent extremism. “The ability to boy-next-door preppy looks and Toronto in 2018 and killed 8 women
recruit hate is more widespread than organize activities, like all-male and 2 men, injuring 16 others. Many
ever before. It’s far easier and faster.” hikes, to appear mainstream. “They of the other men behind large-scale
Meaning, these guys aren’t just have a product they want to sell and recent murders have a history of
trolls in basements—they’re people that product is hate,” says K. “When violence toward women, per the
you probably know. Beirich calls you see a bunch of normal-looking International Center for Research
them “millennial misogynists.” K guys, you think, How bad could it be? on Women. Nikolas Cruz, the
says many are college-educated and But violent men don’t have to look Parkland shooter, was allegedly
articulate. They have day jobs and any different from kind men.” Some abusive to his ex-girlfriend. The
Tinder accounts. In the fall of 2017, of the ones K tracks post pictures Orlando nightclub shooter, the
white supremacist propaganda on with their kids and pets amid calls Texas church shooter, the Califor-
college campuses more than tripled for mass violence. nia bar shooter—all reportedly
from the previous year, according to On sites like Gab, Reddit, 4Chan, violent toward women.
ADL data. No wonder, per the FBI, and VK, the new white supremacists In other words, this isn’t a pow-
hate crimes rose about 17 percent and misogynists hatch conspiracy der keg waiting to explode. It’s been
too. (This number is probably even a theories that take off on Twitter and exploding for years.
vast undercount, since hate crimes make it on fake news sites like In March, K nailed 30-year-old
are notoriously underreported.) InfoWars and even occasionally Fox Corbin Kauffman of Lehighton,
Modern “male supremacy,” as the News. They serve up “constant peer Pennsylvania, who had posted
experts now call it, actually dates pressure to do something criminal,” tasteless memes and murderous
TO P C E N T E R : G E T T Y I M A G E S . R I G H T: J O S H U A R O B E R T S/ R E U T E R S .
back to the 1970s, when men’s rights says K. They turn hate speech into threats on a fringe social-media
activists came about as a reaction to hate crimes: site frequented by members of
women’s liberation, explains Jessica Your girl broke up with you? the alt-right. His Twitter bio read:
Reaves, editorial director for the It must have been her fault. “One of the extremist WN [white
ADL’s Center on Extremism. This She’s kind of a bitch. nationalists] that CNN warned you
time, it’s not just feminism to She is a bitch. about.” He’d posted a video of
blame—it’s Donald Trump. I didn’t Rape her. himself, a knife in his lap, speaking
say it. Nearly every expert I talked to End her. in an amped-up cartoonish voice
did. “The 2016 campaign energized It was this kind of twisted thinking about how he wanted to commit
misogynistic groups,” says Reaves. that galvanized Elliot Rodger, 22, an hate crimes. Before he could
“They heard very powerful men talk- incel who in 2014 killed 6 people and follow through, K had the FBI at
ing about women in a way we had wounded 14 others in Isla Vista, Cali- his door. He’s now facing up to five
never seen before in public.” fornia; Alek Minassian, 25, another years in prison.
12 2
K goes to
her comput e r—
the same one she uses to search for
weeknight chicken recipes and
advice on how to cut bangs. Sud-
denly, I’m looking at a picture of an about his motorcycle or his family. In Roof–style bowl cut that he’s photo-
arm tattoo in which Donald Trump is that way, these men are vulnerable, shopped the round blond chop onto
positioned doggie-style behind Hill- because they have to put themselves his own picture. “He really worries
ary Clinton, his body thrusting, out there. The internet is their bull- me,” she says. But for now, she’s hold-
while she appears wide-eyed and ter- horn, the best way they have to ing off on reporting him, because he
rified. It’s inked in black, permanent. reach their disciples. seems to lack the means to carry out
I see a riled-up thread in which When she first started doing this, a serious attack—he doesn’t yet own
men are arguing against women’s she did it in person. Once, a man weapons. She stares at his page for
right to vote. A streaming video in caught her taking pictures at a gath- another beat before clicking off.
which a man is flipping a switch- ering of white supremacists. She Indeed, the line between bad and
blade. An illustration of a nude played it off, but her nerves were really bad is so thin that I can’t see it.
woman straddling a wood beam with fried. Another time, she was jotting K doesn’t always see it either. It’s
her feet weighed down, alongside a down some notes when a well-known more that she feels it. She explains:
quote that says “[Christine Blasey] extremist sat down right next to her. “You know that feeling you get when
Ford needs to be curbstomped... She remembers her heart beating so you’re about to get on an elevator and
torcher [sic] the pig”; a picture of a hard she could feel it in her finger- you get a sense that you shouldn’t
blindfolded naked woman with tips. She slowly closed her notebook, because as the doors open, the per-
three men in masks standing behind terrified. What did he see? son standing there gives you a bad
her; posts about how sexually Others in her field have been vibe? Most people ignore that feeling
assaulting women should be legal; doxed, making them vulnerable to and get on the elevator anyway. Me?
and posts like these: violence. One of her friends, who I’ll wait for the next one.”
“I #believewomen. I believe firmly works in a similar job, told me she She’s tried to train others to do
they should shut the fuck up, quit what she does. But she
wearing pants like a man, and GET can’t “because when it
“Given the
THE FUCK BACK IN THE KITCHEN comes to this feeling that
WHERE THEY BELONG.” I get when I just know
o p p o r t u nit y, I ’m
“I am 100% against hitting women this person is going to do
I’ve never hit one myself. But a liberal
sure they w o u l d something really terri-
feminist Dyke it’s not a woman and ble, I’m always like, Huh,
they have been green-lighted.…” how do I know that?”
come after me.”
“Men can’t wait for women to come She got the feeling last
around. Nature doesn’t work that year from Dakota Reed,
way. We, as men, must regain our had to move after extremists fire- 20, of Washington state, an alt-
culture and take control.” bombed a car in front of her house righter who had posted a picture of
K is currently keeping close tabs and ran her kids off the road. K does himself in a mask pointing an
on more than 1,000 men. She calls sometimes worry about the safety of assault rifle at the camera. “I started
them her List. They’re right here on a her family. “Given the opportunity,” tracking him and found multiple
spreadsheet, pages and pages of she says, “I’m sure they would come Facebook profiles where he was
faces, light eyes and jelly-pocket after me.” using different names and posting
cheeks, dark eyes and deeply sunken So yeah, working from a computer images of weapons,” says K. Law
dimples, old skin and new. has made her life easier. It’s also enforcement ultimately seized a
One guy lives less than a mile from made it impossibly hard. When your cache of weapons. He’s currently
her. “I know their screen names, territory is the internet, there’s a lot serving a one-year sentence.
their real names, their fake names, to sift through. Some words mean When I ask Oren Segal, the director
when they change their names,” she nothing; others mean people are of the ADL’s Center on Extremism,
says. Private accounts, alias about to die. And it isn’t always easy if there are other people like K, he
accounts, multiple accounts—she to find the words in the first place— tells me there are other people who
knows. I can’t reveal her exact meth- the ones that belong to the person do what she does but no one like her.
ods, but let’s just say anyone who is who will do the thing. Because it’s not just her intuition—
vocal online about his hate for She points at a man on her screen
women has likely chatted her up who is so desperate for a Dylann C o n t in u e d o n p a g e 142
12 3
IF YOU WEAR
A LOT
OF WHITE
It suggests you do things

by the book—in a good
way, says Dawnn Karen.
The hue has always been
associated with
innocence and purity but
also with altruism (just
think of doctors’
and old-fashioned nurses’
uniforms). Basically,
you’re probably
a Good (and totally
chic) Samaritan.
Gucci bomber, top, skirt, and bag.

Roger Vivier boots. Jimmy Choo 124
sunglasses. Adeam earrings C o s m o p o l i t a n S e p t e m b e r 2019
Ph ot o gr ap h e d by T YL ER J O E Tu r ns o u t, yo u r s t y l e h a bit s (we s e e yo u,
St y l e d by AYA K A N A I m o n o c h ro m e - o u t f it gir l) reve a l a *l o t* a b o u t yo u r
p e rs o n a li t y. Eu p h o ri a s t a r S y d n e y S w e e n e y m o d e l s
y o u r b i g g e s t g o - t o s w hi l e f a s hi o n p s y c h o l o gis t
D a w n n Ka re n b re a k s t h e m d ow n.
IF YOU WEAR
A LOT OF
ANIMAL PRINT
Girl, you’re obviously

BOLD. But similar to an
actual cat, you can also
be calculating and
focused when it comes to
going after what you
.
want—be it a promotion
se
the
or a cute pair of heels.
t least three of
“People can
be intimidated and
daunted by this type of
person,” explains Karen.
Not like you care.
had a
’v e
ill I
ven speak to me t
n ’t e
Do
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top, and pants
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Versace long sleeve,
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you a dress. By ELIZ ABETH KIEFER
and know what the hell

they say when I’m making
$20 million so I’m not get-
ting fucked over.” Her
expression turns serious.
She stans a suit. “You will always be the
And a crop top. And a power number one person look-
sleeve. And a “granny” ing out for yourself.”
sweater. And super-bright Honestly, she’s pretty
separates. Basically, just give serious about all her plans,
Sydney all the clothes. which can probably be
But suiting, in particular, attributed to what she
has become a staple for the calls “the Virgo in me.”
actress when she wants to feel Beyond nabbing those $20
“feminine but powerful,” million roles, her goals for
which happens...a lot. Look, the next few years include
when you find yourself work- getting behind the camera
ing the same red carpet as Brad to try her hand at produc-
Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio ing and directing and
(they all starred in this summer’s Once Upon a potentially getting in front of a sewing machine—
Time in Hollywood), any little confidence boost is she’s toying with the idea of designing her own red-
welcome. Of course, she’s proven herself plenty carpet outfits.
powerful already, delivering achingly emotional Until then, she’s filling her off-the-clock closet
performances of women who tend to meet tragic (which she keeps meticulously organized by strap
ends, from a psych-ward inmate in Sharp Objects to width, fabric weight, and color because, remember,
a brainwashed child bride in The Handmaid’s Tale Virgo) with mostly low-key looks. Her current casual
to the in-over-her-head, lovestruck high schooler uniform? A constantly expanding collection of high-
Cassie on Euphoria. Complex young beauties are waisted jeans and “super torn-up” vintage T-shirts.
kinda her thing. She also finds herself buying variations of essen-
In real life, though, Sydney is anything but tially the same baby-blue fuzzy sweater over and
tragic—or easily manipulated. A trained mixed over again—right now, she estimates the count is 10.
martial arts fighter (yep, seriously), the 21-year-old That should be enough to get her through the
also squeezes college classes into her jam-packed season. “I can never wait for fall to hit so my granny
schedule between shoots. And she isn’t in school to style can come back,” says Sydney. “Middle of
brush up on her acting skills. She’s majoring in frea- September, I’m pulling out my boots.” That’s just
kin’ business, tyvm. Sydney for you: one step ahead.
Years ago, when a producer asked her why she was
bothering to further her education, she remembers
telling him, “I want to be able to read my contracts
12 7
IF YOU WEAR
A LOT
OF TEXTURE
People drawn to this kind

of clothing are usually
super in touch with their
emotions, says Karen.
And if you’re into smaller
tactile patterns, like
subtle pleating on a
purse, you’re probably
ultra detail-oriented and
able to read into the
underlying meaning
of any conversation.
(Maybe you should
be a spy? Maybe you
are a spy?)
Fendi sweater and skirt.

Alexandre Birman booties.
Zara hair clip. Eshvi earrings.
Roger Vivier bag
12 8
IF YOU WEAR
A LOT OF
BOLD COLORS
Contrary to what you

might think, you’re likely
an introvert. Karen
explains: “Usually, if the
clothes are loud, the
person doesn’t do a lot of
talking.” Great news if
you want to be left alone
at a party.
ry truck
oce
gr
a
g
at h
in
o m
empt climb
e
,p
pl.
att t
n’
Do
Versace long sleeve, tops,

skirt, and earrings. Alexandre
Birman heels. Nancy
Gonzalez bag
BEAUTY
BONUS
For the insanely thick

lashes you thought
existed only on Insta,
swipe on two coats of
Maybelline New York
Volum’ Express
The Colossal Spider
Effect Washable
Mascara, $8. (And
read our lash bible,
page 138.)
IF YOU WEAR
A LOT
OF PANTSUITS
This look doesn’t *have*

to mean you’re all
business. Yes, you’re a
leader, but because a suit
is a kind of uniform, it
can also mean you’re
trustworthy, Karen says.
Think about it: You go
to people in other types
of uniforms (cops, Starbs
baristas) all the time
when you need help.
Carolina Herrera jacket, top,

and pants. Elizabeth Cole
Jewelry earrings. Jaggar The
Label bag. Lyft bike
IF YOU
WEAR A LOT
OF BOWS
Kinda like a present,

you’ve got a lot to offer—
and you know it. You
have high self-esteem (as
you should!), but because
a garnish like this feels
like a symbol of
childhood (remember
those ribbons in
your hair when you were
a kid?), you can also
have an innocent quality.
Area top and dress.

Marskinryyppy heels. Alexis
Bittar earrings. Alexander
Wang bag
about how
i ng
nk
Hair: Leonardo Manetti
h i
tt
an actual g for Ion Studio. Makeup: Tracy

s
I ’m ift
O h, ju
t Murphy at Statement Artists
o
using Koh Gen Do. Manicure:
th
ew
Julie Kandalec using Chanel Le
orld.
Vernis. See page 143
for shopping information.
13 1
t h e
M Y T H
o f
M A L E B I R T H
C O N T R O L
I t ’s b e e n “10 y e a r s a w a y ” f o r t h e p a s t 5 0
years. Are we just getting conned?
By H A N N A H SMOTH ERS
Phot o graphe d by H A N N A H W H I TA K E R
The scene: Alex (or maybe his name is Andrew or Jesse)
brought you back to his place and things are totally on. His arms?
B e e f y. H i s m a k e - o u t s k i l l s ? C l u t c h . H i s h a i r ? L i k e Z e u s h i m s e l f
blow- dried it. Clothes are coming of f and then, right at the crucial
m o m e nt, h e l o o ks a t yo u wit h eye s a c o l o r yo u’ve o nl y
ever seen before on tropical postcards and whispers slowly into
y o u r e a r, “ D o n ’ t w o r r y, b a b e . I ’m o n t h e p i l l .”
13 2
l i a r. . . .
fami
els
fe
s
hi
t
m,
Hm
The idea that
this I t ’s not t h at it ’s not p ossib l e
As women know, all birth-control methods have
to be three things: effective, reversible, and safe.
scenario And it’s taken scientists a very long while to

achieve all these for men (for a play-by-play, see
the timeline below). After all, it’s no small feat to
could be a reality (give or take a few details) has prevent the 800 million sperm in a single ejacula-
been looming for what feels like forever. Head- tion from doing their thing, says Diana Blithe,
lines have promised that long-term, reversible PhD, program chief with the National Institute of
male birth control is *this close*. Then...nothing. Child Health and Human Development’s Contra-
It’s all started to feel like a cruel, elaborate joke.
P R O P S S T Y L E D BY E L I Z A B E T H P R E S S F O R J U DY C A S E Y. G R O O M I N G : D E E P T I S A D H WA N I . I N S P I R E D BY A P H OTO BY E T H A N P I N E S . T I M E L I N E ( A L L E X C E P T 18 32 ): G E T T Y I M A G E S .
ceptive Development Program.
How can women have dozens of contraceptive In 1974, Elsimar Coutinho, MD, thought he’d
options and men only have two: one-time-use hit the trifecta with gossypol, an oral contracep-
condoms and permanent vasectomies? tive for men that used a chemical from cotton
As our investigation found, it depends on who plants to reduce sperm count. But it was kiboshed
you ask. Some scientists say killing millions of before it ever hit the market when studies found
sperm is harder than dealing with one egg. Phar- that it wasn’t so reversible after all. Since then,
maceutical companies tend to think it’s too risky researchers have focused on hormonal methods,
to fund the development of something men including weekly testosterone shots, that have
won’t use (and women won’t trust them to take). been proven to be both effective and possible to
Independent experts blame systemic sexism. undo. But products keep hitting the same snag:
Reproduction, they say, is still seen as strictly a the third requirement, safety—or what women
“women’s issue.” who’ve been taking birth control forever know as
We also found something else, something side effects.
major: Many of these hang-ups—the very reasons Issues like weight gain, acne, and mood
male birth control has stalled again and again— swings—yes, the stuff we deal with daily—have,
are lies. Researchers have discovered methods at one point or another, shut down an otherwise
that work, and men want their own birth-control successful male contraceptive drug trial. In 1996,
options. And according to an exclusive Cosmo the new potential It Drug for men was shots of
survey, women overwhelmingly want men to testosterone, but after testers complained of
have them too. weight gain, decreased testicular volume, and
“But wanting male birth control is different the weekly shot schedule, it was killed. Ten years
than us being able to get it approved,” says John later, another clinical trial of testosterone and
Amory, MD, a medical professor at the University
of Washington School of Medicine at the fore-
front of the latest male BC trials. Here’s why it’s
still out of reach.
Wo m e n ’s B C
16 0 0 B C E 18 2 7 18 32 19 0 9 19 6 0
Egyptian women soak cotton Scientists discover Charles Knowlton, MD, Richard Richter, MD, The FDA approves
in a mixture of fruit, honey, the female egg, unlocking recommends women pump pubs a paper about early Enovid, the first
and dates and put it in their the mystery of an acidic solution into their insertions of IUDs hormonal birth-control pill
vaginas as DIY spermicide. human reproduction. vaginas to kill semen. made from silkworm gut. for women.
A li’l histor y lesson in birth control
10 0 0 B C E 18 2 3 18 55 195 4 19 6 0 S 19 74
M e n ’s B C
The first recorded The first vasectomy is Rubber is introduced Doctors start A trial of Win Elsimar Coutinho,
use of primitive performed, although into condom performing 18,446—a sperm- MD, presents gossypol,
condoms made from not for birth control production and vasectomies reducing pill—fails after a plant-based pill,
silk paper, linen, but to shrink a man’s men are told they’re for actual one guy drinks on the at a UN Population
and horn. prostate. reusable. sterilization. med and gets sick. Conference.
13 4
reduces sperm—is being bankrolled by a small
pile of government funds allocated to all contra-
ceptive research, including more options for
women.) Plus, the thinking has gone, if some
new male contraceptive option went haywire
after a few years, men might sue for big bucks.
So yes, you are correct: This is pure sexism at
play, confirms Lisa Campo-Engelstein, PhD, an
associate professor of bioethics at Albany Medi-
cal College. “No one blinked an eye when
women experienced diminished sex drive on
the pill,” she says. “But when that’s happened
for male contraceptives? People say, ‘No way,
that’s part of what it means to be a man.’”
That ’s nice. But w h a t ab out us?

At the same time as all this testing and retesting
it!
e
and dead-ending has been going on, dozens

I se
of types of female birth control have been

enh
approved, like the now-ubiquitous birth-control

it w
pill. “Women had a huge demand for this prod-

ve
lie
be
ill uct,” says journalist Jonathan Eig, author of
W
The Birth of the Pill. But meeting that demand

came with a double standard that’s allowed
men to stay off the hook, he adds, sometimes
even at serious risk to women.
Take Enovid, approved in 1960, which con-
progesterone shots fell apart when men started tained literally 10,000 times the amount of
dropping out after experiencing muscle pain, estrogen in today’s low-dose pills. Women had
acne, depression, and changes in sex drive. been taking it for several years before anyone
“Men just aren’t going to tolerate anything realized it had serious side effects like blood clots
that messes with their libido or is associated and stroke. In 1974, the Dalkon Shield, an early
with weight gain,” says Dr. Amory with a sigh. IUD with an alien-sounding name, had to be
And major pharma companies with the funding pulled from shelves because, after three years on
to field drug trials are obviously not going to be the market, it was causing issues like severe
motivated to put money or marketing behind a pelvic inflammatory infections, pregnancy
product that might not even interest their clien- complications, and even death.
tele. (Case in point: Dr. Amory says he doesn’t
consider pharmaceutical funding an option for
male birth control these days. His current
research—a clinical trial of a hormonal gel that
19 74 19 8 0 S 19 9 8 2000 TO 2002
The Dalkon Shield, an IUD, Modern versions The first emergency BC products like the The FDA approves another IUD,
is pulled three years of the low-dose contraceptive is patch, NuvaRing, and Kyleena, which has fewer
after its release because birth-control pill approved by the the Mirena IUD are hormones than some previous
of complications. become available. FDA. FDA approved. options and lasts five years.
19 8 6 19 9 6 2006 2 010 2 016 2 018

The World Health Weekly shots of Trials on a hormonal Vasalgel, an injectable A trial of testosterone Clinical trials of NES/T,
Organization declares testosterone fail implant are abandoned gel that blocks sperm, and progesterone a hormonal, topical
gossypol “not to launch after men when drug companies gets a projected injections is promising, gel that stops sperm
acceptable” because complain about fear guys won’t use it. availability of 2018 until guys drop out due production, begin in nine
it’s not totally reversible. weight gain. (still waiting). to side effects. sites here and abroad.
13 5
So, yeah, women have been through a lot—
yet a few guys complaining of side effects we
consider normal in a trial is enough to kill a
potentially viable male BC option. Experts say
this all stems from a stuck-in-the-’60s mentality,
when women were willing to stomach just about
Initiative, an organization that helps fund and
anything to be able to have sex as freely as men
facilitate research on male contraceptives. When
did. “Back then, women had a lot of incentive to
asked what kind of method they’d use, most men
put up with side effects or at least see how bad the
said they’d want either a pill they pop right before
side effects were going to be,” explains Eig. (In
sex or one they take every day.
fact, when Dr. Coutinho presented his male BC at
And get this: Only one-third of men who are
a UN Population Conference, he was booed off
on the fence about male birth control said they
the stage by an audience of mostly women. They
were concerned about possible side effects.
had just been given control over their reproduc-
One-third! In interviews with Cosmo, guys said
tive health a few years prior—and they weren’t
they’d be happy to deal with reasonable side
effects of taking birth control if it meant they’d
have more of a say in contraception. “If you’re in
In interviews with any sort of relationship, you agree to share any
burdens, and birth control is unequally distrib-
C o s m o , g u y s s a i d t h e y ’d uted on women,” Jeff Fitzgerald, 27, told us.
Harris Bransch, 25, agrees. “Birth control
be happy to deal with shouldn’t be one person’s responsibility. There
are two people who are trying not to get
side effects if it meant pregnant.”
It’s about effing time, according to you: A stag-
t h e y ’d h a v e m o r e o f a gering 98 percent of Cosmo readers believe there
should be a birth-control option for men beyond
say in contraception. condoms and vasectomies. And while most of the
women we talked to wouldn’t necessarily trust a
random hookup to accurately use or take it
about to give it up to men.) “One of the unin- (totally fair for both sides, TBH), in the context of
tended results was that men became passive and a relationship, nearly 100 percent of women told
developed the attitude that they didn’t have to us they’d ask a partner to use long-term male BC
take any responsibility,” adds Eig. “So by the time if it existed—and that they hope it does soon.
we got around to actually contemplating birth
control for men, they had checked out.” O ka y, so gi ve it t o us?!
Men want it. Women want it. So the science
To d a y ’s gu ys a r e n’t a c t u all y doesn’t need to be held back anymore by out-
c h e c ke d out t h ou gh dated, sexist beliefs. As a solve, Dr. Amory and
It’s not surprising that drugmakers might believe others in his field are appealing to the FDA by
the juice isn’t worth the squeeze on male BC. trying to change the way the government thinks
But it is—or at least it could be: “Men today are about reproductive responsibility and risk.
much more interested than they used to be,” says They’re going to show them the same receipts
Campo-Engelstein, “even though there’s still the we just laid out for you, in the hope that the major
perception that they’re not.” decision-makers wake up to the idea that men
The honest, modern, up-to-date truth: and women should carry equal (or at least more
Today’s guys really, really want their own contra- equitable) weight when it comes to BC—and
ception beyond condoms. A whopping 77 percent that men need to finally take a more active role
of men between the ages of 18 and 44 who have in preventing pregnancy.
sex at least once a month are “very or somewhat” And then there you’ll be, sometime, hopefully
interested in taking birth control, according not too far from now, picking up your BF’s BC gel
to a recent survey by the Male Contraceptive at the pharmacy or going with him to get his
baby-blocking implant put in. Wait...what are we
even saying? He can handle picking up his birth-
control prescription himself. It’s been half a cen-
tury. You deserve a break.
13 6
The re al numb ers
Co s m o a s ke d m o re t h a n 80 0 wo m e n
b e t we e n t h e a g e s o f 18 a n d 38 h ow t h e y
f e e l a b o u t t h e d a n g lin g c a r ro t o f m a l e
B C . G u e s s w h a t ? E ve r yo n e’s in.
98%
o f wo m e n
believe there
should be a
b i r t h - c o n t ro l
option for
men beyond
condoms and
v a s e c t o mi e s .
94%
o f wo m e n
would ask
their par tner
to use male
c o n t ra c e p t i o n
i f i t e x i s t e d.
94%
o f wo m e n
re.
he want male BC
p ill
cl
e to become a
r
a
i r e a l i t y.
er t m
Ins
81%
of women say
t h e y w o u l d n’t
rely on a male
method as
their one and
only form of
c o n t ra c e p t i o n.
42%
of women believe
male BC will
actually become
a r e a l i t y.
S O U R C E: CO S M O
POLL
J u l y 2019 C o s m o p o lit a n 1 37
l a s
13 8
13 w a y s
t o g e t
h e s
i n s a n e l y
g o o d
PSA: THESE MASCARAS,
GROWTH SERUMS, FALSIES, AND EXTENSIONS
ARE THE REASON EVERY GIRL
ON YOUR INSTA FEED HAS THE EYELASHES
OF AN ANGEL.
By RU BY BU D D EM E Y E R
Ph ot o gr ap h e d by RU BEN C H A M O R RO
13 9
Q
Two v i m p t l a s h
Qs, answered
e.
p her
1. D o g r o w t h re u
m y e yes a
H i,
serums
even work?
There’s just one that’s
approved by the
FDA: prescription-
only Latisse, which
makes your lashes
grow longer after
using nightly for four
weeks. A bunch of
OTC serums promise
the same, but be cau-
tious (there have been
reports of eye irritation
and discoloration).
A safer non-Rx option:
lash conditioners (like
L’Oréal Paris Lash
Serum, $15) that
make your lashes
*look* longer
by hydrating and
strengthening them.
2. Should I
be using a lash
primer?
If you wear mascara

for a good 12 hours a
day—and IDK, want
that mascara to stay
put—eyelash prim- J oie b l a ze r.
ers are a must. “They Fal l o n J ewe lr y
plump your lashes e a r rin gs
and create a smooth,
fanned-out base for
easy mascara appli-
cation,” says makeup
artist Lindsey Williams.
“Primers also help your
mascara stick better
for longer wear.”
(Try Dior Diorshow
Maximizer 3D Triple
Volume Plumping
Lash Primer, $30.)
THE ONE
Lashes for every commitment level

T H AT D O E S N ’ T
The One-Night Stand
BUDGE
5
Falsies
Wanna be a ~little~ extra? Get individual
falsies that are long, fine, and varied in length,
Cove r gir l La sh B l ast and glue them along your lash line where you
A c t i ve M as c a ra, $9. 50 want more volume. Not quite enough
“I’ll apply six coats and for ya? Go for a classic, super-thick lash strip.
never get a clump or
spider-looking lash. It takes PRO TIP
a sec to dry, but once it
(almost) does, it doesn’t flake or “If you’re working with lash strips, take them out
smudge, no matter how of the package and wrap them around
magic many sweaty, get-me-out-of- the base of your fattest makeup brush using your
here clubs I wear it in.” fingers,” suggests makeup artist Moises
mascaras Ramirez. “When you’re ready to put them on,
—CHLOE METZGER, they’ll be shaped like a dome—this makes it
senior beaut y editor easier to glue the inner and outer corners down,
so they won’t pop off your eyelids.”
TH E O N E THE ONE
T H AT FA NS O U T T H AT M A K E S YO U R
L ASHES LOOK
The Sorta-Casual Fling
Lash Lifts
This $150 treatment is basically like a perm
Ch an e l L e Vo lum e L’O r é al Paris Te l e s c o pic for stick-straight lashes. The whole process
M O D E L S: S H R E YA C H A U D H A R Y, J U L I A N A C E V E D O, N I K K I R E Y N E N . LO C AT I O N : T H E W I L L I A M S B U R G H OT E L . S E E PA G E 14 3 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .
Révo lu t io n D e Ch an e l, $35 L e n g t h e nin g takes an hour, during which a technician coats

& L as h by L as h S e p a ra t in g
“Ever since I gave birth M as c a ra, $9. 50 your lashes with a solution (either a perming
S T Y L E D BY K AT H Y L E E . H A I R : A K I H I S A YA M A G U C H I . M A K E U P : M O I S E S R A M I R E Z . M A K E U P A S S I S TA N T: AYA TA R I Q . M A N I C U R E: K AYO H I G U C H I .
to my daughter, my lashes cream or keratin lotion) that curls, lifts, and

“On the weekends,
have been stumpy defines individual hairs for up to 12 weeks.
I go next-level, but
and sparse. This mascara
come Monday morning,
helps beef up each lash for PRO TIP
I tend to gravitate
a thicker, fuller finish.
toward the no-makeup
It’s on the creamier side Believe it or not, you naturally shed four to five
makeup vibe.
though, so I recommend lashes every day, so around five weeks post-lift,
That’s why this is my
applying it with a light a good chunk of your new lashes will
go-to—it makes my lashes have fallen out. Use an eyelash curler and
hand to keep separation
look way longer and thicker a lightweight mascara to disguise the untreated,
between lashes.”
but still natural.” straighter lashes that grow in their place.
—CARLY CARDELLINO
VACCARO, —RUBY BUDDEMEYER,
beaut y director beaut y editor
T h e LT R
T H E O N E T H AT T H E O N E T H AT
W I L L CO N V I N C E YO U COMES OFF
I N S A N E LY E A S I LY
Extensions
Aka the secret to mile-long lashes. During your
two-hour appointment (which costs up
to $400), a specialist glues semipermanent
extensions on top of your natural lashes.
S his eid o Co nt ro ll e d Ch a os M a y b e llin e N ew Yo r k But these babies eventually fall out too, so
M as c a ra I nk S n a p s c a ra, $8 you’ll need to commit to monthly touch-ups.
in S a p p hire S p a r k, $25
“I need a mascara to go
“This is actually the most PRO TIP
on fast and last for an entire
perfect subtle pop of blue. day—no smearing or
Just keep in mind that Before you book your appointment, ask your
smudging—and come off
the lighter your lashes are, technician what type of glue they’ll use.
with my regular cleanser Harsh ones that contain formaldehyde
the more color payoff (because I’m never going to can irritate your eyes, says Zaina Al-Mohtaseb,
you’ll see. Pigment aside, actually use a makeup MD, assistant professor of ophthalmology at
this mascara gives me solid remover). Snapscara checks Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.
volume and length.” all the boxes.” Request gentler adhesives like butyl cyanoacry-
—A M A KWARTENG,
late or octyl cyanoacrylate.
—L AUREN BALSA MO,
beaut y assistant senior beaut y editor
14 1
They call her The Savant C o n t i n u e d f r o m p a g e 12 3
it’s that she literally never public safety. She became a police to-head with some of the worst
forgets a face. Once she encounters officer, going undercover as a sex men in the world. K knew she could
a hateful man online, “she remem- worker or desperate druggie looking do it, because she’d been doing it for
bers their name and everything for a hit. “I had this piece-of-crap years. And honestly, she kind of
about them,” says the friend who pickup truck with a baby seat in the missed it.
works in a similar field. “She’s got front that had a camera in it,” says K.
this phenomenal ability.” She got hooked too, on the adrena-
A few weeks
After Charlottesville’s infamous line. “The chase of getting the bad
Unite the Right rally in 2017, at which guy? Oh man, that feels good.” af t er my visit,
Heather Heyer was killed by a white Eventually, K took a job working I get an email: “He seems to fit
nationalist, the authorities struggled for a state-run agency that reinvesti- squarely into the incel category,”
to determine which extremists had gated capital-murder cases. This writes K. The “he” is a 40-year-old
been present. K identified 305 of required her to meet with death-row white man who walked into a yoga
them from pictures and video inmates, Clarice Starling–style, studio in Tallahassee, Florida, and
floating around on the internet. alone in a small box-shaped room shot six women, killing two. A self-
Some were charged with crimes. with nothing but stale air and a cold proclaimed misogynist who’d called
Others are now being monitored by table between them. The gig was a women “whores” on YouTube and
law enforcement. master class on staying stoic in the sang about wanting to “blow off” the
face of evil. One guy recounted his head of a “cunt” on SoundCloud, he’d
crimes “in a tone someone might use been arrested twice for groping.
S h e g r e w u p p o o r,
to talk about a trip to the park,” K hadn’t had him on her List.
in a trailer she shared with her par- recalls K. “He had stabbed a woman “When I miss something, I feel terri-
ents and two older siblings, where to death and wanted to rape her but ble. It’s heartbreaking, devastating,”
buckets caught rain that came told me he couldn’t because she was she says. Her entire career has
through holes in the roof. She rode too slippery with blood. So he went taught her to be good at compart-
the bench on her high school basket- and got her granddaughter. This mentalizing—at functioning in the
ball team and played drums in the time, he raped her first and then world despite what she knows. But
band. She was the last person anyone killed her.” K pauses. “If you freak when she feels responsible for not
would have guessed would become a out, they’ll stop talking,” she says. catching a murderer, “it just makes
deep-cover investigator. It happened “So I would just nod, listen, and keep me feel exhausted, angry, sad,
kind of accidentally, after she my face devoid of a reaction.” depleted. It takes a few days to
enrolled in the Marine Corps so she Only one man ever got aggressive: recover mentally.”
could afford college. “He told me he could throw me It’s one of the reasons she doesn’t
K was a good marine—focused. 100 feet, stood up, and shoved the really sleep these days. “The eupho-
This despite all the men trying to get table at me. He had killed a woman ria among extremists right now is
a peek at her during their 10-minute with a hammer.” really depressing,” she says. “I’ve
shower time on the base in Korea, You’d think she would be angry never felt hopeless until the past 18
where she was one of few women. at men after all this. But at one point, months.” Her work is “just a drop in
One of her superiors on base made she tells me she doesn’t even con- the ocean,” she says. “I’m stretched
jokes about killing his wife. Once, sider herself a feminist. “There are thin trying to stay on top of it all.”
when he grabbed K in a sexual way, shitty men and there are shitty She tells me about one of the
she clocked him. “He was wearing a women,” she says with a shrug. (It’s deeply troubling guys she’s been fol-
flight suit that had all these pockets just that shitty women aren’t often lowing lately, who posts rants about
full of crap, so unfortunately, when I the ones plotting to blow people up.) how he won’t let his wife watch tele-
hit him I actually hit something in But after her stint on murderers’ vision because it makes her too
his pocket,” she recalls. “I thought I row, it all started to weigh on her. “feminist.” He shares degrading
broke my hand.” She’d had her kid by that point and photos of naked women and fanta-
“If you touch me, I’ll knock you needed a break. She tried briefly to sizes about electrocuting them—
out,” she told him. She was 19. He become an artist, but that lasted and seriously hurting others too. He
never bothered her again. three months, until she learned recently hinted that these don’t
When she transferred to a base that the ADL was looking for some- need to stay fantasies.
back in the U.S., she started night one to monitor extremist groups. He thinks he can get away with it.
school and got a degree in justice and The job would require going head- He, at least, is wrong.
1 42
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In my ni g h t st a n d
She sings, she acts, she slays. But did you
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