Exam-Fright Killer Definition Getting Married 146 MARRIAGE jally recognised and approved union and partnership between two people, certified by the government, by the church, or both. Marriage is one of society's most important basic institutions and a private, personal relationship, in which husband and. wife have the usual roles and responsibilities of living together, having sexual relations only with one another, sharing economic resources and rearing children. Frequent reasons for getting married 'which often result in_ disappointment, unhappiness and marriage breakdown: to appear grown up and gain adult status to be free from the parents’ supervision to achieve sexual gratification to combat loneliness to avoid pregnancy out of wedlock being head over heels in love to avoid becoming a spinster to marry money. vvvvvyyy Reasons which may lead to a successful bond after careful mate selection: > The partners have a lot in common: race, religion, age, economic status, social class, like education, shared interests and hobbies. > There is chemistry between the partners. > The couple have realistic ex ns of what th eve in > Both sides recognise and discuss the expectations of the spouse before getting married, > Partners realise that marriage is more than sharing a home and having sex. It is a two-way physical, emotional and financial: partnership — mutual dependence and the fulfilment of mutual needs. > The couple is able to keep channels of communication open about problems, such as housework, finances or children’s upbringing, and they can play and fight fair. > They are ready to devote enough quality time to each other, and they have the necessary coping skills to survive tough times.Marriage inthe Past Modern Marriage Marriage %* Mates used to be selected in a marriage market. > Historically, marriages were arranged. Parents, playing a major role in the choice of the partner, did the matchmaking. Marriage was an alliance between two families to enhance wealth or acquire titles. Children had little or no voice in the decision, ‘The strictest rules prevailed in China and Egypt, where the couple might first see each other only on the day of the wedding. If the parents did not approve of a ‘marriage, the couple could do nothing but elope. > The bride’s parents gave a dowry to the new couple, a tradition aimed at attracting a desirable husband. In some cultures, in Africa, for instance, the bridegroom’s family gave bridewealth or bride price to the bride’s family. + Restrictions > Most cultures prohibited incest (sexual relations between close relatives). > Inmonogamous cultures bigamy was prohibited: people were allowed to have only ‘one spouse at a time. > In cultures ising _poh (e.g. ancient Hebrews, Mormons, Islam and Africa) marriage to more than one wife or husband was. possible in theory. In practice, most men could not afford more than one wife. %® The roles of husband and wife within marriage reflected their roles within society. > 19th century ideals of marriage indoctrinated that the husband was the breadwinner; the the homemaker, responsible for hearth and home. Women had restricted opportunities and limited legal rights. They were transferred to the groom by the father and lost their maiden name. Their identity was incorporated into that of the husband. They had to submit to the husband's sexual demands and they had no control over property. Men had nearly unlimited authority: they had the right to control, even physically discipline their wives. * Social changes have profoundly affected marriage, generating significantly new trends. > Arranged marriages have become less common. Parental influence on marriage is decreasing, as young people depend less heavily on their parents’ resources. When selecting a partner, couples enjoy a greater freedom of choice. Increasing emphasis is put on love and romance, on emotional satisfaction and on companionship and compatibility, as a basis for marriage. > A lot of couples get acquainted at work. Lonely hearts advertisements in newspapers, magazines or on TV, and a growing number of dating agencies and computer matchmaking services help find prospective mates and suitable partners. ‘More and more people get acquainted in Internet chat rooms. 447| Alternatives Marriage 148 * Exam-Fright Killer > Engagement (bet the formal agreement to get married, has informal, The symbol of the commitment is an engagement ring given fo the fiancée by the fiancé. > A great majority of young people have sexual intercourse in their teens. A relaxation of sexual taboos has resulted in a greater public acceptance of premarital sex. > The average age at first marriage has changed significantly. Many couples marry later in if, in their late 20s. At the same time, marriage rates have dectined during the past few decades. Divorce and remarriage have also become commonplace. The roles of man and wife have also changed with the times: gender relations have been redefined. As a result, m¢ marriage is a bond between equals. > Couples are closer to true equality: spouse roles are less stereotypical. The tasks inside the home are shared. However, the bulk of the housework is still done by women, indicating that a considerable imbalance between the duties of husband and wife still remains. > The Ideal husband is the “New Man”, who shares household chores and is involved in baby-care and minding the children. He gets up at night to the teething baby, can change a dirty nappy, fetches the kids from school, often demonstrates his culinary skills, shops with pleasure, irons shirts and “hovers” efficiently. He is amiable, understanding and considerate to his wife, but, at the same time, he is strong and brave — manly. Many people think that the “New Man” is women's wishful thinking, because most men regard doing chores around the house as a sign of weakness or a challenge to their masculinity. Cohabitation — living together in a sexual relationship without being formally matried ~ has become a widespread practice, especially among young adults, since the 1960s. Main reasons for cohabitation are the following: > Many people who have been through the pain of a divorce want to avoid repeating the experience. > For most couples, cohabitation is a profound way of assessing compatiblity, and a lifelong learning experience of loving and adjusting on equal terms. > Senior citizens may lose welfare benefits if they marry. >» Women who do not want to play the traditional role of being secondary choose to remain legally independent. > In case of a break-up, ending the relationship is easier, not complicated with either legal battle or legal expenses. > Cohabitation is cheaper than living alone. > Two obvious disadvantages to cohabitation are that cohabiting couples receive limited protection from the government (c.g. medical insurance does not cover unmarried partners), and that the public is not unanimously supportive of cohabitation — itis still viewed as “diving in sin”.* Homosexual unions Marriage > Homosexual unions have been recognised by several European countries as {ealstered domestic partnerships, which do not include all the rights (e.g. insurance, inheritance and pension benefits) that heterosexual married couples enjoy. The Netherlands was the first country t6 legalise same-sex marriages in 2001, with the {full array of rights, including adoption. Same-sex marriages are legal throughout Canada. The first legal gay marriages in the US were performed in 2004, > Gay marriage provokes controversy. Religious conservatives are the most outspoken opponents, because they fear that the legalisation of homosexual partnerships will undermine the institution of marriage. 149