ORIGINAL CONTENT:

Giving in to peer pressure is never a good thing. You don’t have to be someone else just to please
your friends or your peers. If they can’t accept you for who you are, then you are in the wrong
group of friends. The movie A Walk to Remember showed the perfect example on what will happen
if you keep on succumbing to peer pressure and what will happen if you make the decision to stop
and be free from it.

In the scene where Jamie Sullivan talked to Landon Carter and he rejected her, that was an
example of a bad outcome because of the pressure. Landon Carter was considered a cool kid in high
school so he went to a group of cool kids as well and in the fear of being left out or being laughed at,
he rejected Jamie Sullivan even though they had to practice their lines for the role play. He did not
want to associate himself to a nerd-looking girl even if he wanted to.

There was also a scene where Landon hugged Jamie because his friends distributed a flyer
with Jamie’s face edited and was put on a woman wearing bikini. This particular scene showed on
how you should break free from peer pressure and protect someone you love. It takes courage to
face the wrong and correct it.

Having friends is a treasure itself but if those friends or yours are not setting a good
example, think twice if you really want to treasure and keep them. Because for me, having one
friend that supports you and have faith in you is better than having ten friends who are changing
you to become one of them, which is not a better version of yourself. You can always free from
yourself to peer pressure, just stick to your own faith and fight for what you love. Maybe those ten
friends of yours will also change because of you, and if not then you will be glad that you cut them
to your life.
EDITED CONTENT:

Giving in to peer pressure is never a good thing. (Note: Peer pressure, by itself, is not always
a negative thing.) You don’t have to pretend to be someone else just to please your friends or your
peers. If they can’t accept you for who you are, then you are in the wrong group of friends. The
movie A Walk to Remember is the perfect example of the negative effects of peer pressure, and
what could happen if you make the decision to break free from it.

(Try to make your sentences more concise.)

An example of a negative effect of peer pressure is the scene where Jamie Sullivan talked to
Landon Carter, and he rejected her. Landon Carter was considered a cool kid in high school so he
became friends with a group of cool kids as well. In fear of being left out or being laughed at, he
rejected Jamie Sullivan even though they had to practice their lines for the school play. He did not
want to associate himself with a nerd (even if he wanted to… wanted to what? Statement is
contradictory, because it already said that he didn’t want to associate with a nerd. Either remove, or
add another statement like “even though he was beginning to like her” or “even if he had to”).

In the scene where Landon hugged Jamie because she was upset that his friends distributed
flyers with her face edited on a woman wearing a bikini, it showed how Landon broke free from
peer pressure and chose to protect someone he loved. It takes courage to face your mistake and
correct it.

Having friends is a treasure itself, but if those friends are not setting a good example, think
twice if you really want to stay friends with them. Because for me, a friend who (because it is a
person) supports you and has (because subject is singular – a friend) faith in you is better than ten
friends who are encouraging you to go down a path that doesn’t lead to you becoming a better
version of yourself. You can always free yourself from peer pressure. Just stick to your own faith
and fight for what you love. Maybe those ten friends of yours will also change because of you, but if
not, then you will be glad that you cut them out of your life.

You have a habit of using gerunds to start a paragraph. Although it is not technically
incorrect, it does not look appealing to a reader, and is generally not done when forming a
paragraph. Gerunds are words that are formed with verbs but act as nouns. (Ex. “Giving in to peer
pressure is never a good thing” and “Having friends is a treasure itself”)