Question: "What is true friendship according to the Bible?

"

Answer: The Lord Jesus Christ gave us the definition of a true friend: "Greater
love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my
friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a
servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends,
for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you" (John
15:13-15). Jesus is the pure example of a true friend, for He laid down His life for
His "friends." What is more, anyone may become His friend by trusting in Him as
his personal savior, being born again and receiving new life in Him.

There is an example of true friendship between David and Saul's son Jonathan,
who, in spite of his father Saul's pursuit of David and attempts to kill him, stood
by his friend. You will find that story in 1 Samuel chapter 18 through chapter 20.
Some pertinent passages are 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19: 4-7; 20:11-17, 41-42.

Proverbs is another good source of wisdom regarding friends. "A friend loves at
all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17). "A man of many
companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a
brother" (Proverbs 18:24). The issue here is that in order have a friend, one must
be a friend. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies
kisses" (Proverbs 27:6). "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another"
(Proverbs 27:17).

The principle of friendship is also found in Amos. "Can two walk together, except
they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3 KJV). Friends are of like mind. The truth that comes
from all of this is a friendship is a relationship that is entered into by individuals,
and it is only as good or as close as those individuals choose to make it.
Someone has said that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one
hand, you are blessed. A friend is one whom you can be yourself with and never
fear that he or she will judge you. A friend is someone that you can confide in
with complete trust. A friend is someone you respect and that respects you, not
based upon worthiness but based upon a likeness of mind.

Finally, the real definition of a true friend comes from the Apostle Paul: "For
scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone
would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:7-8). "Greater love has
no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends" (John 15:13). Now, that
is true friendship!

Recommended Resource: Faithfulness: The Foundation of True Friendship by

Jacalyn Eyre

Friend, Friendship
Most of the Old Testament words translated "friend, " "friendship, " or "be
friendly" come from two Hebrew roots, rhand hb. The most common terms for
friend are reeh, [h,[er] "friend, " and oheb, [b;hoa] a participial form meaning "one
who loves." In the New Testament several words appear, including philos [fivlo"],
"friend, " hetairos [eJtai'ro"], "companion, comrade, " and plesion [plhsivon],
"neighbor, " along with a variety of kinship terms such as "brother, " "mother, " or
"child, " extended to refer to people outside one's family for whom one feels
special affection. The terms used most include philos [fivlo"], "friend, "
and adelphos [ajdelfov"] / adelphe [ajdelfhv], "brother/sister, " the last of which
becomes a technical term for a fellow believer.
In both Testaments the ideas of friend and friendship involve three components:
association, loyalty, and affection. There are also three levels of meaning:
friendship as association only; friendship as association plus loyalty; and
friendship as association plus loyalty plus affection.
At the lowest level a friend is simply an associate or "the other fellow" ( Judges
7:13 ; Rom 15:2 ; James 4:12 ). In Jesus' parables the vineyard owner addresses
a laborer ( Matt 20:13 ) and the host speaks to a wedding guest he does not
know ( Matt 22:12 ) using the term "comrade." Jesus addresses Judas in this
way in the garden: "Friend, do what you came for" ( Matt 26:50 ).
At a higher and theologically more interesting level the idea of friendship contains
not only the component of association but also that of loyalty. The "king's friend"
( 2 Sam 15:37 ; 16:16 ; 1 Kings 4:5 ; 1 Chron 27:33 ) serves as a royal advisor
or, in the Maccabean period, as a member of a favored class of nobles (1 Macc
2:18; 3:38; 6:10; 10:65). Hiram of Tyre's "friendship" with David ( 1 Kings 5:1 ) is
actually a political alliance that may have little to do with affection but everything
to do with treaty obligations. The "friend who sticks closer than a brother" ( Prov
18:24 ) shows loyalty. When the Jews accuse Pilate of not being "a friend of
Caesar" ( John 19:12 ), they are questioning his loyalty to the emperor.
The highest level of friendship contains the components of association and
loyalty along with affection. The friendship of David and Jonathan ( 1 Sam 18:1-
4 ; 20:14-17 ) has all three components, as does the friendship between Paul
and the Philippian church (see, e.g., Philippians 4:1 Philippians 4:15-20 ).
According to Scripture there are three possible objects of friendship: another
person, God or his Son, or someone else who follows Jesus.
The first involves human friendship based simply on common humanity with all
the joys and dangers associated with it. Human friendship brings help in time of
trouble ( Prov 17:17 ; 27:10 ; Luke 11:5-8 ) and advice in perplexing situations
( Prov 27:9 ). A friend may provide consolation in trouble, as when Barzillai the
Gileadite consoles the hunted David ( 2 Sam 19:31-39 ), or when the friends of
Jephthah's daughter help her mourn her early death ( Judges 11:37-38 ). A friend
may offer help at the risk of death, as Hushai the Arkite does when he spies for
David in the court of Absalom the usurper ( 2 Sam 15:32-37 ; 16:16-19 ; 17:5-
16 ). A friend may rebuke in love, proving more faithful than a flatterer ( Prov
27:6 ). Ecclesiastes develops the theme of friendship in the "two are better than
one" passage ( 4:9-12 ).
One of the greatest biblical examples of the "friend who sticks closer than a
brother" is the relationship between David and Jonathan. Jonathan's loyalty to
David runs deeper than his loyalty to his father Saul or his own ambitions ( 1
Sam 18:1-4 ; 20:14-17 ). The dirge David sings when he hears of Jonathan's
death marks their relationship as a high point of human friendship ( 2 Sam 1:17-
27 ). Ruth's stubborn loyalty to her mother-in-law Naomi stands as another
display of human friendship at its highest.
In the New Testament Paul shows a talent for gaining friends. In his letters he
names many people as his special friends in Christ. In the Book of Acts Paul's
friends include even the pagan officials of Asia known as Asiarchs ( Acts 19:31 ).
While friendship on the human level has its joys and consolations, it also has its
dangers. Sometimes a friend can fail to dissuade one from an evil action, as
Judah's friend Hirah the Adullamite does when he helps Judah make
arrangements with a supposed prostitute ( Gen 38:12-23 ). A friend can lead one
into sin, as when Jonadab son of Shimeah persuades his cousin Amnon to rape
his half sister Tamar ( 2 Sam 13:1-6 ). A friend can even lead one to worship
other gods ( Deut 13:6-11 ). Proverbs contains warnings about the dangers of
bad company ( 1:10-19 ;4:14-19 ).
Even if a friend does not lead one astray, the friend may cause grief through
misunderstanding. Job's three comforters, although they try to be his friends, only
make his suffering worse (2:11-13; 6:14-27; 19:21-22; 42:7-9).
Friends may prove false, pretending affection and loyalty from ulterior motives
( Psalm 55:12-14 ; Prov 14:20 ;Proverbs 19:4 Proverbs 19:6-7 ). A friend may put
one into debt by asking security for a loan ( Prov 6:1-5 ; 11:15 ;17:18 ; 22:26-
27 ). Friendship can break down through gossip ( Prov 16:28 ) or holding
grudges ( Prov 17:9 ). Friends may abandon one in trouble ( Psalm 38:11 ;
cf. Eccl 9:10 ). The disappearance of true loyalty to friends is one of the
symptoms of social and moral breakdown addressed by the prophet Micah in
eighth-century Judah ( Mic 7:5-6 ).
As one can be a friend to another person, so one can be a friend of God or of
God's Son. Abraham gains the title "friend of God" by his faith and obedience ( 2
Chron 20:7 ; Isa 41:8 ; James 2:23 ). Those who keep God's covenant are called
his friends ( Psalm 25:14 ). By contrast, one can be a friend of the world, which
excludes the possibility of friendship with God ( James 4:4 ; 1 John 2:15 ).
Many show they are friends of God by becoming friends of Jesus. His open
acceptance during his ministry of all kinds of people displays not simply a
tendency toward human friendship but portrays the possibility of divine-human
loyalty and affection. The "disciple Jesus loved" ( John 19:26 ; 20:2 ; 21:7 )
enjoys more than a human relationship with Jesus. Their friendship is more
spiritual than social, as no doubt Jesus' friendship with Lazarus was ( John
11:3 John 11:5 John 11:36 ). Jesus shows this kind of divine-human friendship
by addressing his disciples as friends ( Luke 12:4 ), by letting them know the
inner meaning of his life and ministry ( John 15:15 ), and, most clearly, by dying
on the cross as the sacrifice for sin ( John 15:13 ). When Jesus tells his disciples,
"You are my friends if you do what I command" ( John 15:14 ), the components
of association, loyalty, and affection all appear.
If one can be a friend of God or of God's Son, this friendship can extend as well
to others who are also friends of God. Christian friendship finds its basis in the
friendship between each believer and God. When John refers to fellow believers
simply as "the friends" ( 3 John 15 ), he implies the loyalty and affection for one
another that spring from loyalty and love for God. Seven times in 1 John the
writer addresses his readers as "dear children, " using the language of family to
express this deep affection ( 1 John 2:1 1 John 2:12 1 John 2:28 ; 1 John 3:7 1
John 3:18 ; 4:4 ; 5:21 ).
Paul expresses this loyal and affectionate relationship when he refers to or
addresses several individuals with the language of family love. He speaks to
Timothy and Titus as his true children ( 1 Tim 1:2 ; Titus 1:4 ), and to Timothy as
his "dear son" ( 2 Tim 1:2 ). Onesimus is not only Paul's "son" but his "very heart"
(Philem. 10, 12). An unnamed woman in the Roman church is mother literally to
a Christian named Rufus and figuratively to Paul ( Rom 16:13 ).
The New Testament shows a certain "in-group" mentality by making a distinction
between members of the household of faith and outsiders ( Gal 6:10 ). But the
writers never press this distinction, and they often make the point that Christian
friendship should not appear only within Christian circles. While Paul, for
example, encourages special concern for believers, he does so in connection
with encouragement to "do good to all" ( Gal 6:10 ). Jesus encourages his
followers to invite needy strangers, not friends, to their tables ( Luke 14:12-14 ),
and in the parable of the Good Samaritan he extends the concept of neighbor to
include anyone in need ( Luke 10:25-37 ).

True Friendship

True Friendship - Recognition

How can we find true friendship in this often phony, temporary world? Friendship
involves recognition or familiarity with another's personality. Friends often share
likes and dislikes, interests, pursuits, and passion. 

How can we recognize potential friendship? Signs include a mutual desire for
companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. Beyond that, genuine
friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one
another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of
life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while
expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of
judgment or negative criticism.

True Friendship - Relationship, Trust, Accountability

True friendship involves relationship. Those mutual attributes we mentioned
above become the foundation in which recognition transpires into relationship.
Many people say, "Oh, he's a good friend of mine," yet they never take time to
spend time with that "good friend." Friendship takes time: time to get to know
each other, time to build shared memories, time to invest in each other's growth. 

Trust is essential to true friendship. We all need someone with whom we can
share our lives, thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. We need to be able to share
our deepest secrets with someone, without worrying that those secrets will end
up on the Internet the next day! Failing to be trustworthy with those intimate
secrets can destroy a friendship in a hurry. Faithfulness and loyalty are key to
true friendship. Without them, we often feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. In true
friendship, there is no backbiting, no negative thoughts, no turning away. 

True friendship requires certain accountability factors. Real friends encourage

one another and forgive one another where there has been an offense. Genuine
friendship supports during times of struggle. Friends are dependable. In true
friendship, unconditional love develops. We love our friends no matter what and
we always want the best for our friends.

True Friendship - Examples of Real Friendship

True friendship stories are found throughout the Bible. In Genesis 18:17-33, we
read about God sharing His intentions with Abraham. Abraham responds by
telling God his thoughts and feelings about the situation. God and Abraham are
able to do this because they trust and respect each other. 

First Samuel 20 focuses on the friendship of David and Jonathan. These two
men truly cared for each other and had great trust and confidence in one
another. David was running for his life from Jonathan's father, Saul. Jonathan
recognized that David was innocent. Because of the true friendship they shared,
David survived Saul's assassination attempts and went on to become one of
Israel's greatest kings. 

Real and true friendship involves freedom of choice, accountability, truth, and
forgiveness. Peter and Jesus give us this example: Peter, afraid for his life after
Jesus is led away from the Garden of Gethsemane, denies knowing Jesus (John
18). As He is led away by His accusers, Jesus casts a look toward Peter that
says, "I knew you would deny Me, and I forgive you" (John 21). 

Real friendship looks at the heart, not just the "packaging." Genuine friendship
loves for love's sake, not just for what it can get in return. True friendship is both
challenging and exciting. It risks, it overlooks faults, and it loves unconditionally,
but it also involves being truthful, even though it may hurt. Genuine friendship,
also called "agape" love, comes from the Lord. The Lord Jesus calls us His
friends and He laid down His life for us (John 15). 

Relationships in real life involve different levels of friendships, and that's okay.
But humans are designed by God for lasting relationships. Often our isolationist
society offers only vague, empty relationships. God wants us to have friends here
on earth. Most of all, He wants us to be friends with Him! 

God's Word tells us that a friend sticks closer than a brother, and that in order for
one to be a friend, one must show themselves friendly (Proverbs 18:24). The
question is: what type of friend do you desire to be? 

Proverbs 18:19 in the New Living Translation says: "It's harder to make amends
with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate
friends like a gate locked with iron bars." When we've offended a true friend -
whether by breaking a trust or by speaking the truth with love - we risk losing that
friendship. We must be careful not to break the trust. But when not speaking the
truth will cause greater hurt in our friend's life, we must be willing to sacrifice our
needs for those of our friend. That is true friendship. 

If we sometimes offend a friend without meaning to, God's Word offers a solution.
It's called forgiveness. There is no greater example than the love of God for us. It
is so great that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, in order that our
friendship with God might be restored. He did that in spite of the fact that we
have offended Him deeply. We have disobeyed His commands, turned our backs
on Him, and followed our own path. So the question remains: What type of friend
do you want to be? True Christian friendship forgives. 

Do you need a friend? God wants to be your true friend. Are you longing for
companionship? God is always with you (Hebrews 13:5). Who do you know who
needs a true friend today? God wants you to befriend others. He calls us to be
His hands and feet in a world starving for true friendship.

Learn More!

WHAT DO YOU THINK? - We have all sinned and deserve God's

judgment. God, the Father, sent His only Son to satisfy that judgment for
those who believe in Him. Jesus, the creator and eternal Son of God, who
lived a sinless life, loves us so much that He died for our sins, taking the
punishment that we deserve, was buried, and rose from the dead according
to the Bible. If you truly believe and trust this in your heart, receiving Jesus
alone as your Savior, declaring, "Jesus is Lord," you will be saved
from judgment and spend eternity with God in heaven.