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Jan 1 · 5 min read
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I walked into his office, a defeated salesman on the verge of quitting. Two
hours later, I joined his mentorship program and signed a loan commitment
for $12,500.
Nobody had ever made me feel like I was a man of such importance and
stature. I strutted out the door, feeling like I owned the world.
I had stepped into his office hesitantly, intimidated by his display of success.
The walls sported pictures of his skiing exploits from all over the world. His
desk featured the requisite man with Mercedes photo. All of the trinkets on
display looked like museum pieces.
I was barely able to pay my bills. This guy had achieved it all. I hadn’t
earned the right to occupy his airspace. What the hell was I doing there?
Then he turned off his cell phone and placed it in his desk drawer. He called
his assistant and told her not to interrupt him unless there was a family
emergency.
He took out a fresh notepad and pen and sat across from me. We exchanged
brief introductions, and then he opened with, “Tell me about your
struggles.”
He’d throw in other questions (what he’d call reversals), not to frame the
conversation but to keep me talking. The one or two times he wanted to
change the direction of the discussion, he’d first ask permission.
. . .
When I walked into his office for that first meeting, he never said, “I’m going
to give you my undivided attention.”
I saw all this and concluded; he’s treating me like I’m a dignitary.
But your actions alone, only make up half the demonstration equation.
You also show interest through your body language. Slumped shoulders and
lethargic movement signals disinterest. Sharp movements, good posture,
and smiles show sincere desire and anticipation about what they have to
say.
Imagine meeting a friend for coffee. She greets you with a frown. She
checks her phone every time you speak and breaks eye-contact to stare at
the table next to you. But she tells you she’s super interested in what you
have to say. Hard to believe, right?
If you want someone to know you’re interested in them, don’t say it. Let
them conclude it from the actions you take and the body language you
exhibit.
Think of it as a game of Tennis where one player does just enough to keep
the rally going. Reversals keep the conversation moving without forcing it
into directions your counterpart might resist. It gives them a feeling of
control, which makes them more comfortable and more likely to open up to
you.
When you shoot back with just a question, it comes across as harsh, even
with the right tonality. The transition statement buffers the question and
makes the conversation feel natural.
Her intentions were kind, but the praise was disingenuous. My mentor had
made it feel sincere because he did his homework first.
“You should quadruple your income goal, perhaps more.” The proof was
there. I had to believe it.
Had he not gone through the prerequisite of learning about me, he could
not have given me a realistic vision of achieving that goal.
. . .
1. Your actions, not words, demonstrate a desire to learn about someone. Top highlight
3. Use that knowledge to point out the greatness they never knew they
possessed.
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