Castles of America

I am off to see the castles of America

I've got the Silverline, I've heard the call
I will bring my friends Hilario and Erica
In a two-year whirlwind tour, we'll see them all

The Biggest Tits in History

She's got the biggest tits in history
She loves to show them 'round
They're bigger than her chickadees
They each weigh half a pound
She told me she's got more of them
But I've seen only three
And those were quite sure the biggest tits in history

Your average tit weighs half an ounce

That's if you feed them well
But she's got ways to make tits bouncy baby boys from hell
She majored in biology
She knows whereof she speaks
You know her tits are happy from their smiling little beaks

She's working for the government

She's breeding them for clones
To use them on the battlefield
For intercepting drones
Her mother did the same work
It's all through her family tree
And that's why Lola's got the biggest tits in history
Tits in history
Tits in history

The Day the Politicians Died

Verse 1]
Billions laughed and no one cried
The day the politicians died
Celebrations spread worldwide
The day the politicians died
Even their own mothers
Their own husbands and wives
Said, "Now all men are brothers"
Let's get on with our lives

[Verse 2]
Billions laughed and no one cried
The day the politicians died
Celebrations spread worldwide
The day the politicians died
We've risen from the mud
We're different from the beasts
We've got the taste for blood
So let's eat all the priests

[Verse 3]
Billions laughed and no one cried
The day the politicians died
Celebrations spread worldwide
The day the politicians died
It's all one big party now
'Cause all the politicians died

Castle Down a Dirt Road

Well, we failed at all the normal ways of doing things
Ways that wouldn't make our parents disown us
All those chemistry degrees just left us ruing things
So we played the numbers fate's dice had thrown us

In a castle down a dirt road
Where the lighting flowed
We were thinking up ways to make things explode
In a castle down a dirt road
Certain technicals prevented us from leaving there
Such that what our parents thought was rendered moot
Our new set of problems centered on conceiving there
Ah, but worse was how to find the offspring cute

In a castle down a dirt road

Where we dreamed in code
There was mass destruction in every newt and toad
In a castle down a dirt road

In a castle down a dirt road

Where a strange wind blowed
One flash of light and then strange things growed
In a castle down a dirt road

Bathroom Quickie
Pick me
Up let's have a bathroom quickie
Give me an enormous hickey
Like a tattoo
Ricky
God, I want a bathroom quickie
I want you to get me sticky
And I you

My Stupid Boyfriend
My stupid boyfriend can't find his own house on a map
My stupid girlfriend can make any question a trap
My stupid boyfriend wants mommy to pick up his room
My stupid girlfriend fills each day with impending doom

Oh, if only they'd come to a sudden end

Then you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend
My stupid girlfriend thinks sex is some kind of sin
My stupid boyfriend drinks only the stinkiest gin
My stupid girlfriend just mumbles in her private code
My stupid boyfriend takes any excuse to explode

Oh, if only they'd follow the overdose trend

Then you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend

My stupid girlfriend takes hours to make up her mind

My stupid boyfriend is always one sentence behind
My stupid boyfriend loves nobody more than himself
My stupid girlfriend's in love with her pet magic elk

We don't even like them so why pretend

When you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Oh, if only they'd come to a sudden end
Then you could be my stupid
Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Love Gone Wrong

He had lye
Thrown in her eye
She married him
She loved the guy
T'was love
Love gone wrong

T'was love
T'was love
Love gone wrong

[?]
And found a trick
Let me cook
And eat your dick
Mad love
Love gone wrong

Mad love
Mad love
Love gone wrong

I don't have to make these up
It runneth over
Doth the cup
Of love
Love gone wrong
Of love
Of love
Love gone wrong

So you'd think
With all I know
It wouldn't fall
On me like snow
Our love
Love gone wrong

Our love
Our love
Gone so wrong

Favorite Bar
[Verse 1]
Do you have a favorite bar?
We can play pool with strangers
Maybe wear some lipstick and not be in danger
Of getting beat up in the men's room

[Verse 2]
Do you have a favorite bar?
The bartender's German
He only understands the names of liquors in the German language
Doesn't watch the TV 'cause it's over his head
But he was in the Olympics
You can ask him

[Verse 3]
Do you have a favorite bar?
Where you can drink yourself under the table
And they know you're there
So they won't lock you in
They don't take all your money
When you're completely insensible
They leave you your dignity
You can play The 5th Dimension on the jukebox

Kill a Man a Week

[Verse 1]
Turn the other cheek, the status
Quo goes on and on
Kill a man a week, sisters
And soon they'll all be gone

[Verse 2]
If we do it quietly, no
One need fire a gun
Kill a man a week, it will
Be fun, fun, fun!

[Verse 3]
If we pull together, each
Of us need kill but one
Kill a man a week, and
Then we're done

Kraftwerk in a Blackout

You and me, baby

We are like Kraftwerk in a blackout
One of us, baby
Has always thrown his damn back out
But tonight, baby
Let's bust that dusty eight-track out
And dance again
[Verse 2]
You and me, baby
We are like dolls without voodoo
Goin' nowhere fast
The Enterprise without Sulu
Lately it's got so
I don't know what I mean to you
Let's dance again

[Outro]
Will we ever dance again? (Ever dance again)
Will we ever dance again? (Ever dance again)
Will we ever dance again? (Ever dance again)
Will we ever dance again? (Ever dance again)

When She Plays the Toy Piano

[Verse 1]
When she plays the toy piano
Woodland animals come round
Little birds sit on her shoulder
Wondering how she makes that sound

[Verse 2]
When she plays the toy piano
With her arabesques and trills
She’s a wonder, we all love her
But it doesn’t pay the bills

[Verse 3]
She should sell that toy piano
Move to town, and get a job
Buy a studio apartment
Settle down and marry Bob

[Verse 4]
When one plays the toy piano
It drowns out the slithering time
But it’s oozing up the stairs now
And she hasn’t got a dime
[Verse 5]
When she plays the toy piano
She is ransoming her youth
Like a ketamine addict
In an isolation booth
[Verse 6]
When she plays the toy piano
When she makes her so-called art
She defiles her papa’s tombstone
She is breaking mama’s heart

[Outro]
She is breaking, breaking, breaking mama’s heart
She is breaking, breaking, breaking mama’s heart
She is breaking, breaking, breaking mama’s heart
She is breaking, breaking, breaking mama’s heart

Death Pact (Let’s Make a)

Let's make a death pact
Cause I can't live without you
Let's make a death pact
When you go, I'll go too

Rock ‘n’ Roll Guy

I want a real rock 'n' roll guy
One in a gown slit to his thigh
Liquid eyeliner in his eye
Making him cry, cry, cry

I need a real rock 'n' roll man

Someone with no long-term plan
As worldly-wise as Charlie Chan
Someone who can sleep in a van, man

Give me a real rock 'n' roll star

Someone with blood on his guitar
Someone who dresses like a Tsar
Oh, who doesn't look best from afar?

Find me an old rock 'n' roll soul

Who paints his nails black as coal
Who may go out just for a stroll
And never return
Turn, turn..

I’ve Got a Date with Jesus

I've got a date with Jesus
A man that I don't have to chase
We're goin' out on the town of men
We're goin' back to his place

[Verse 2]
I'm goin' out with Jesus
He's the greatest guy I know
He gives me strength to change my life
He's so much better than Joe

[Verse 3]
When I'm alone with Jesus
He knows just how I feel
I've never had a lover so good
He's never been a real

[Outro]
I've got a date with Jesus
Love never felt so right
He's a thirty-somethin' single man
And I'm on fire tonight
He's a thirty-somethin' single man
And I'm on fire tonight

Come, Life, Shaker Life!

When they're sure the men are gone
The women sing their favorite song
Our sound spins us around
There is no braying
Voices long ago drowned
Now sound again

[Chorus]
Come, life, Shaker life!
Come, life eternal!
Shake shake out of me
All that is carnal
I'll take nimble steps
I'll be a David
I'll show Michael twice
How he behaved
Come, life, Shaker life!
Come, life eternal!
Shake shake out of me
All that is carnal

[Verse 2]
When they're sure the men are gone
The women sing their favorite song
Our sound spins us around
There is no braying
Voices long ago drowned
Now sound again
[Chorus]
Come, life, Shaker life!
Come, life eternal!
Shake shake out of me
All that is carnal
I'll take nimble steps
I'll be a David
I'll show Michael twice
How he behav-ed
Come, life, Shaker life!
Come, life eternal!
Shake shake out of me
All that is carnal
(I Want to Join A) Biker Gang
Chorus]
I want to join a biker gang (A biker gang)
I want to be in a gangbang (In a gangbang)
I like my empty life but dang (Life but dang)
I want to join a biker gang (Biker gang)

[Verse]
I'll get to kiss my chum, and my chum will be deaf and dumb (And my
chum will be deaf and dumb)
With a big hairy beard, while there's a wolves where, he was reared
(While there's a wolves where, he was reared)
And we could both be rivers, runnin' into what we'll feel (Both rivers
runnin' into what we'll feel)
These guys are zoomin' glue and maybe my chum will be healed (And
maybe my chum will be healed)
So let my wife and children hang (Children hang)
I will be known henceforth as fang (Henceforth as fang)
Now let the gates of Hell go clang (Hell go clang)
I'd love to join a biker gang (Biker gang)
You make it all look fun, like it was good to be someone (Like it was
good to be someone)
You do it with finesse, like everythin' was not a mess (Like everything
was not a mess)
You do it with a gnash behind your ridin' free-moustache (Behind your
riding free-moustache)
You do it with a smile, like it was goin' out of style (Like it was goin' out
of style)

[Chorus]
I want to join a biker gang (Biker gang)
I want to be in a gangbang (A gangbang)
I like my empty life but dang (Life but dang)
I want to join a biker gang (Biker gang)

You’ve Got a Friend in Beelzebub

You've got a friend in Beelzebub
He follows you round, like a dog
You've got a friend in Beelzebub
He surrounds you with lightning and fog

You know more than you should know about

Secret geometry
Belphegor and Baphomet
Have had you round for tea
You sometimes drop in unannounced
On Lucifer and me, cause

You've got a friend in Beelzebub

A mixture of friendship and lust
Letters you've penned to Beelzebub
Have brought civilizations to dust

Let’s Get Drunk (and Get Divorced)

[Verse 1]
Of the men with whom I've tarried
You were far away the worst
We were drunk when we were married
Let's get drunk again and get divorced

[Verse 2]
I was blotto at the wedding
For all I know, I was forced
There were bloodstains on the bedding
Let's get drunk again and get divorced

[Verse 3]
Was there vodka in the blinis
Was it cognac in my borscht?
While I'm still cute in bikinis
Let's get drunk again and get divorced

The Best Cup of Coffee in Tennessee

Verse 1]
She's fat
I like that
I've got a nice big belly too
Gray eyes
She looks wise
But I'm not looking for a high IQ

[Chorus]
She works hard at the Busy Bee
Making the best cup of coffee in Tennessee
I can't believe she's gonna marry me
She makes the best cup of coffee in Tennessee

[Verse 2]
She's old
So I'm told
She wears an apron like a queen
She's short
No import
I'm sure most people think she's pretty mean

[Chorus]
She works hard at the Busy Bee
Making the best cup of coffee in Tennessee
I can't believe she's gonna marry me
She makes the best cup of coffee in Tennessee
[Bridge]
Don't call her a waitress
She says she's a barista
I love her sense of humor
I'll marry her on Easter

[Chorus]
She works hard at the Busy Bee
Making the best cup of coffee in Tennessee
I can't believe she's gonna marry me
She makes the best cup of coffee in Tennessee
When the Brat Upstairs Got a Drum Kit
When the brat upstairs got a drum kit
She played her li'l heart out
Each bash and crash, each thwack and thump
Was free of doom or doubt

The plates would plummet from the rail

The cats would screech and zoom about
But you and I, we didn't care
For we were living in love's lair

When the kid upstairs discovered ska

The genre to which one jumps
She pogoed up and down the floor
The ceiling fell in clumps
T'was quiet when she was at school...
Until the month she got the mumps

But you and I, did we complain?

We were in love, on Lovers' Lane
But you and I, we didn't mind
For love is deaf, and dumb, and blind

The Price You Pay

Verse 1]
Now children, listen well
Unto the tale I will tell
Of little Lulubelle
And her dancing
Ensnared by glossy magazines
She wore immodest clothes
And soon became the kind of girl
That everybody loathes

[Chorus]
Oh, what a price you pay
When you go dancing today
Oh, what a price you pay
For your dancing

[Verse 2]
Lulubelle “made the scene”
I think you know what I mean
Lulubelle drank caffeine
And read novels
She wore make-up and learned to drive
And went around in pants
She got a job, and spoke to men
Corrupted by the dance
[Chorus]
Oh, what a price you pay
When you go dancing today
Oh, what a price you pay
For your dancing

[Bridge]
She ate whatever she felt like
Without a hint of shame
She cut her hair! She burns in Hell
Her dancing was to blame

[Chorus]
Oh, what a price you pay
When you go dancing today
Oh, what a price you pay
For your dancing
Oh, what a price you pay
When you go dancing today
Oh, what a price you pay
For your dancing

The Boy in the Corner

I was always the boy in the corner
Scribbling in my little book
You felt at home in the spotlight
Let everyone get a look
Then one day the boy in the corner
Was struck by some lightning and killed
You kept dancing in the spotlight
Glittering, coiffed, and fulfilled

Song of the Ant

I have climbed and climbed
Till I'm almost dead
Now a mushroom is bursting
Out of the top of my head

I Wish I Had Fangs and a Tail

Verse 1]
I wish I had fangs and a tail
And a sex neither female nor male
More arms with more digits
All fitted with widgets
And a power, somehow, to change scale

[Verse 2]
I wish I could dig like the moles
And have fur to survive at the poles
I wish I had cash
And a dashing mustache
Then I could accomplish my goals

Evil Rhythm
[Verse 1]
Down in New Orleans there is a new thing
A person they have learned to call Queenie King
Woah-oh, woah-oh
There seems to be a problem when her hips swing

[Chorus]
She does whatever she wants with 'em
She's got evil rhythm
It's the hip new hypnotithm
She's got evil rhythm
Mmm-mmm

[Verse 2]
The banks are going under all over
Because of all the money bankers throw her
Woah-oh, woah-oh
They think that's gonna stop her they don't know her

[Chorus]
She does whatever she wants with 'em
She's got evil rhythm
It's even worse than communithm
She's got evil rhythm
Evil, evil
[Outro]
Evil rhythm
Evil, evil
Evil rhythm
Evil, evil
Evil rhythm

She Says Hello

Verse 1]
She says hello
And I would be lying
If I didn't mention
She was crying

[Verse 2]
She says hello
At least I think so
We both had too much to drink, so
Anyway, she says hello
Let's just say she says hello

The Little Robot Girl

Verse 1]
She likes inventing those
New kinds of dancing
She can't hold still or pose
Can't speak and can't sing
There's only one thing she can do
She is a dancer through and through

[Chorus]
Just watch her twitch and twirl
The little robot girl
Just watch her wheel and whirl
The little robot girl

[Verse 2]
Her choreography
Is second to none
The sun's her battery
Through every aeon
She'll dance for all eternity
But she will never notice me
So I

[Chorus]
Just watch her twitch and twirl
The little robot girl
Just watch her wheel and whirl
The little robot girl
[Chorus]
Just watch her twitch and twirl
The little robot girl
Just watch her wheel and whirl
The little robot gir

I Wish I Were a Prostitute Again

He dressed up as a bunny
And licked my little foot
He gave me lots of money
To thrash his naughty butt
And sing when he was done
He dressed me up as King Tut
My life was much more funny
And more entertaining then
I wish I were a prostitute again

He paid me for my urine

He paid for my poo
Dressed like the Shroud of Turin
Costumed as Betty Boop
Or as Martin van Buren
Or in a hula hoop

I sold him life insurance

And I pocketed the pen
I wish I were a prostitute again

I got him his own collar

Custom-made, studded with jewels
I made him hoot and holler
With my very special tools
I am a classics scholar
Because he put me through schools
He had twelve million dollars
Until he gave me ten
I wish I were a prostitute again
I was too busy shopping
To cavort with other men
I wish I were a prostitute again