Art and Science of Counseling:

Training Material 2

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 INDEX

1. Introduction........................................................................... 03

Part 1 (Theory)

2. The Human Mind and its Programming ......................................05

3. Believing is Seeing ................................................................. 06
4. Stress and Stress Management ................................................ 08
5. Communication with Teenagers / Students ............................... 11
6. Affect Regulation .................................................................... 14

Part 2 (Practical Techniques)

7. Breathing Awareness ............................................................... 21

8. Success and Excellence ........................................................... 22
9. Convert “Have to” into “Want to”................................................ 22
10. Concentration Technique........................................................... 23
11. Progressive Muscular Relaxation (PMR) ...................................... 24
12. Dealing with Distractions ......................................................... 25
13. Preparing Autosuggestions ....................................................... 26
14. Mini-nap................................................................................. 28
15. General Ego-strengthening Autosuggestions............................... 29
16. Learning – Memory and Test taking Autosuggestions ................... 31
17. ECC Vs TTF ............................................................................. 33
18. Introspection .......................................................................... 34
19. Your Daily Practice Schedule ...................................................... 39
20. Faculty................................................................................... 40

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 Stress and Stress Management

What is Stress?

Whenever there is a change in our environment (physical or psycho-social

environment), which we appraise as a damaging or harmful, some demand is
placed on us for adjustment. Our body and mind would respond to this demand
and there will be some ultimate outcome. This sequence of creation of demand,
body-mind responses and the outcome is known as stress. Stress is both,
physical as well as a mental condition.

Should there be any stress in our life?

Yes. Stress is essential for growth and development. Responses of our body and
mind to the demands (stressors) which are perceived as of “moderate degree”,
prepare us to meet with the same. Every successful handling of the demand
(known as “eustress”) adds to our resources and coping abilities. This is the
process of self-development.

What is management of stress?

Upon exposure to a demand for adjustment, coping mechanisms are set in to

bring about appropriate adjustments. If the person perceives any threat to
adaptation during this process then there is generation of anxiety, tension and
psychosomatic symptoms. This is known as “distress”. A person can learn to
minimize the “distress” and handle stressors as “eustress”. This is called Stress
Management.

What are the stressors?

Different individuals have different situations as their stressors. The first step in
learning to manage stress is to find out our own stressors. Some of the common
stressors are:

Physical Stressors: Excessive heat, cold, noise or person’s own illness.

Family Stressors: Sharing of work load, different values, different lifestyles,

distribution of assets, illness or death of a family member, staying away from
the family, and so on.

Interpersonal Stressors: Spoiled relationship with a family member, friend,

neighbor, or any ‘significant other’ due to different values, expectations,
obligations, poor communication, misunderstandings, jealousy, and so on.

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Career and job related Stressors: Examination, interview, public speaking,
training at work place, deadlines for completion of a task, poor communication,
ill-defined role, competition, power struggles, and so on.

Socio-economic, Political and Environmental Stressors: Unemployment,

less income, high cost of living, technological changes, pollution, poor services,
and so on.

How do we know that we are over-stressed, or we need to manage our

stress?

Every person has a set of signals (Stress Orchestra) which is put-on whenever
he is stressed, irrespective of the stressor to which he is exposed. Identifying
our own Stress Orchestra is the second step towards stress management. It
acts as a red light or a warning bell to tell us that some action is needed to
manage the stress. Common stress signals are as under:

Physical: Headache, burning in and/or watering from the eyes, increased

respiratory rate and disturbed rhythm, dryness of mouth, cold hands and feet,
trembling, palpitation, butterflies or burning in the stomach, diarrhea /
constipation, tense and aching muscles, excessive sweating, and so on.

Mental / Emotional: Lack of concentration, frequent mistakes, forgetfulness,

absent mindedness, poor judgment, tendency to over react, irritability / short
temper, nervousness, thought block or excessive thoughts, depression,
emotional outbursts, crying, feeling of exhaustion and fatigue.

Behavioural: Increased or decreased eating, lack of sleep or excessive sleep,

increased or decreased libido, clumsiness, speech disturbances, absenteeism,
increased smoking / drinking, and so on.

What can happen ultimately, if we fail to manage our stress?

Exposure to excessive or repeated stress would cause several negative effects

on the person, some of which will happen immediately but most other will tend
to appear gradually, as stress is cumulative.

Inappropriate behaviour: Loser behavior, short temper, excessive smoking,

drinking, eating and indulgence in sex, proneness to accidents, decreased
flexibility, and so on.

Lower energy and performance level: Reduced concentration, poor

judgment, increased forgetfulness, frequent mistakes and excessive tiredness.

Illness: Psychosomatic disorders like, migraine, tension headache, asthma,

high blood pressure, heart problems, peptic ulcer, ulcerative colitis, low back

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pains, arthriris, skin diseases, psychosexual problems, and so on. Stress lowers
resistance power and makes the person prone to develop infection. Neurotic
conditions like anxiety panics, hysterical reactions, and in vulnerable persons
other serious psychiatric conditions can develop.

How can we manage stress?

(1) Remain aware of your stressors and stress responses.

(2) Immediately use Breathing Awareness or Relaxation Response.

(3) Analyze and deal with the actual stressor by taking actions, withdrawing
or compromising through adjustments in your beliefs and attitudes
through use of any technique, like self-hypnosis, Bio-feedback, Yoga,
and so on.

(4) Re-appraise the meaning of the situation or event.

(5) Give appropriate rest to your body and mind.

(6) Do optimum physical exercise regularly.

(7) Take optimum amount of appropriate healthy diet.

(8) Organize your work and time.

(9) Seek help or counseling.

(10) Help others and do acts of kindness.

(11) Count your blessings.

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 Communication with Teenagers / Students

Adolescence is the most crucial part of life. It is a period of experimenting,

experiencing and expanding. There are doubts and confusions in the minds of
teenagers. They are like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. They are so mature and so
childish. Their conversation is so sophisticated and so incoherent. They are so
detached. They are so clingy. They are so selfish. They are so giving. They can
look so beautiful and so grungy. They respect the parents. They scorn the
parents. They love and admire their parents.

Often there are conflicts between what they are told by their parents, what they
find outside in the world and what they actually want to do. They may choose
friends their parents do not approve of or try alcohol or other substances out of
curiosity. They may wear clothing that is trendy and generational. They may
compare their families’ lifestyles with those of their friends’ families, or break
rules imposed by their parents or the community.

The emotional and behavioural changes exhibited during adolescence are

attributed to biological factors (hormonal changes), peer group influence, mass
media influence and parental attitude. Patience, openness and an
understanding attitude on the part of parents make this phase of life smoother.

Some adolescents have serious struggles, at times, requiring professional help.

Following are the signs of such troubles:

➢ Large amount of time spent alone and isolation from family and friends.
➢ Sudden changes in schoole performance.
➢ Drastic mood swings or changes in behaviour.
➢ Changes in the child’s peer group or separation from long time friends.
➢ Lack of interest in hobbies or social and recreational activities.

Of course, not necessarily any of these signs always indicate serious trouble.
There is no need of pushing for drastic or dramatic solutions immediately.
Sometimes young people just need time and support to work through their
problems.

While communicating with children, it is equally or rather more important to see

that our communication is healthy as to see that it is effective. Our
communication creates basic subconscious programmes in their minds which
contribute to their personality and attitudes in the future as adults. At times,
faulty and unhealthy communication can create various psychological and
biological ailments in them.

Following are some general principles and tips about what and how to
communicate which can help parents in having healthier communication with
their adolescents:

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1. Flexibility and freedom

Discipline is certainly an important quality in life but certain amount of flexibility

is essential in rearing of this age group. The adolescent child is searching for an
identity who would like to define his/her own ambitions, goals and the values.
The youngster tries to learn things and put across his ideas in his own way. This
requires asserting his/her independence and individuality sometimes to the
point of being even aggressive. Instead of condemning their ideas or labelling
them as stupid, the parents need to point out other aspects of the same idea.
They need to give the confidence to the child that he/she is capable of thinking,
taking decisions and be self sufficient at the same time, whenever they need
support parents would help. Parents may provide good role models
demonstrating to the teenager the good habits, value system, appropriate
methods of communication and so on by their own behaviours rather than
preaching the same.

2. Consistency

This may seem to be contrary to flexibility, but the parents need to strike a
balance. Inconsistency causes confusion, sense of unpredictability and thereby
insecurity. So, there need to be minimum of rules and when a rule is instituted,
it is to be followed. Under some condition if the rule is broken, the parents
(adults) need to provide proper justification for the same to the youngster.

3. Criticism

Some parents have a habit of criticizing the adolescents for something they
have or have not done. Most parental criticisms are unhelpful. Criticism creates
anger, resentment and a desire for revenge. Sometimes it may give rise to self-
condemnation and feeling of guilt in the youngster leading to loss of self-
esteem. This may set in the vicious circle of criticism – wrong behaviour – more
criticism. When it is essential to point out their shortcomings, instead of
criticizing the personality or character, one may give opinion about the
particular action or behaviour and do not generalize. (See no. 7)

4. Generalization and personalization

Generally the three factors, permanence, pervasiveness and personal appear in

our negative statements. For example, when a child has forgotten something in
the school, we may say, “Always you are forgetting everything in the
school”. Here, the word ‘always’ indicates permanence. If we check for the
validity of this factor by thinking, ‘whether the child is really forgetting always?’
we will know that perhaps it is not true. When we check the validity of
pervasiveness by thinking, ‘whether he/she is forgetting everything?’ we will
understand that it is not so. And similarly when we examine that ‘is it so that

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he/she is the only child who forgets?’ we may appreciate that no, many other
children also forget certain things sometimes.

5. Principle of Positivity

As it is recognized that our usual style of communication is more negative, we

require making conscious efforts to make it positive. Generally our instructions
to children are worded like, “Don’t forget”, “Don’t do this or that”.

As the subconscious mind picks up only the key word from a sentence, it will
receive ‘forget’ only from the statement “Don’t forget”. The subconscious don’t
understand “no”. So, if we want the child to remember something, we need to
say, “Do remember this” rather than “Don’t forget”. Instead of telling the child
“Don’t watch T.V. now”, let us say, “Please go and play in the ground now” or
“Please complete your home-work now”.

6. Acknowledgement of feelings

Adolescence is the age of inconsistency and full of contradictions such as being

generous and at the same time being egoistic and self centered. They may
complain without adequate reason. It is better to acknowledge then deny their
feelings of anger, hurt or humiliation. The parents need to listen to their
problems without any judgmental comments giving them opportunity to
ventilate their feelings and then indicate that it would be easier to resolve
incidents and restore peace after the emotions have subsided. Later on the
youngster could be explained about how, why and what went wrong.

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