Shahidi 1

Jacob Shahidi
Professor Ellis
Writing 10
January 24, 2011
What are you thinking and why?

The question asked was “what are you thinking and why?”, and this couldn’t be a more
complicated question. The reason isn’t because the nature of my thoughts is complicated but
because the vast number of things that I could be thinking about. I can be consumed by a single
thought for three weeks or run through a series of them in a matter of minutes. It all depends on
my current disposition on life. If things have been going swimmingly for me I’ll most likely
think about the good things that are yet to come, but if things are sour at the moment then I
would most likely be consumed by thoughts of failure and inadequacy. Those are the general two
tendencies I have…not saying that I don’t have other thoughts in between these two extremes.
Everything isn’t always up and down in my mind; there is a fine middle ground where
everything is just ok and I am simply living my life one step at a time.
The things that go through my mind are somewhat odd; even I have to admit that. I often
times wonder things that a “normal” people wouldn’t really think about. For instance this
morning I was driving up to the school on North Lake Road, and it was so foggy I could barely
see anything in front of my car and it dawned on me. What would happen if I were to drive off
the road and go into the field to my right and then just drive back? Granted I would probably
have to maneuver a bit to miss the trees and I would have to go right through the barb wire but
aside from that. I wonder if anyone would find out. Other times I imagine different scenarios of
my future. What if I were to quit school and follow my passion of music? Where would I be?
What if I just gave up everything? Where would I be? Things of that nature often cross my mind.
And possibly the most frightening thing I’ve ever thought about would have to be my own
funeral. How would it look? What would it look like if I died young? How about if I was
advanced in age? Would people be crying or would they just be silent? Would anyone even care?
This specific thought doesn’t come that often but when it does it certainly is an interesting thing
to picture, at least I think so. There is also the opposite of this. I often picture my future as a
successful Optometrist, living back in my home town with my private practice and life is simply
perfect. This is most likely the most entertaining thought I have and it gives me the most peace
of mind. It helps me get through my studies because it makes me realize that I’m actually going
to accomplish something.
Aside from spending my time contemplating aspects of my own life, I also tend to think
about others to a great extent as well. The way I work when I meet someone is that I don’t
usually speak much on the initial encounter; I usually just let them talk. The reason behind it is
because I want to understand them. People fascinate me. I want to know what they think and
how they think so I just listen to them talk and attempt to formulate what kind of person they are.
This often goes even further as I try to get in their head and find out what they want, how they
act, what kind of inferiorities or superiorities they have. Thinking about a person’s true nature
and understanding how they think fascinates me.
Any psychiatrist would most likely read this and ask me why I would even spend time
thinking about these kinds of things. I wouldn’t blame him, I asked myself that question a few
times, and I honestly had no answer before. I thought it was because I had some sort of
inferiority complex or some sort of trauma that led me to have these odd thoughts. I was
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attempting to psychoanalyze myself, like I attempt to do for other people but it didn’t really work
out. And then I figured out why I can think about such things and not be plagued or consumed by
the thoughts. It’s because I’m not chained to them. I can let my mind wander and entertain itself
and it really has no affect on my psyche. It’s just all in good fun, and frankly I enjoy it most of
the time.