Prior to the Meeting 

As soon as the small group and meeting time is established, send your small group an email as an 
orientation for the group call. Here is a ​template​ for your reference.  

Things to Keep in Mind 

The first meeting is going to look a little different from the rest of the meetings. Most of the time 
will be spent learning about each person’s history and there will be some time at the end 
dedicated to explaining the way the group functions during the rest of the 12 weeks. Whereas 
regular meetings center around honest sharing, goals, and redeterminations, this meeting will 
focus primarily on the first point—honest sharing. This will be each participant’s opportunity to tell 
their story, be heard, and most importantly be loved through it all. 

Before we can have grace, accountability, or integrity, we must have honesty. As we all know, 
being vulnerable is not easy. Discomfort and fear of judgment often prevent us from being totally 
honest. That is why it is critical to foster an environment conducive to honest sharing and 
discussion, by assuring participants of their safety and confidentiality. We also encourage you to 
pray before your meeting in order to invite God to work through you to radiate warmth, 
compassion, and love.  

Conducting the Meeting 

❏ Introductions​: Name, age, where they’re from, etc. Feel free to spice it up, but keep it brief.  
❏ Words of Recognition​: Acknowledge that each individual has been on a journey to get to 
where they’re at. Each participant is taking ownership of their sexual integrity in the most 
courageous way by joining this group call.  
❏ Review Agreements from Group Call Guide 
❏ Safe Space​: Emphasize that the group calls are a safe space, a no-judgment zone, 
and that whatever is said in the group stays in the group. Explicitly express that 
security is a priority.  
❏ Give p ​ articipants​ a chance to a
​ sk questions​ about the Agreements. 
❏ Meeting Outline​: Briefly state the agenda for the meeting. General outline is testimonies 
and goals → practicalities → conclusion. 
❏ Testimonies​: For many participants, this will be their first time telling their story to other 
people. We recommend you model vulnerability by being the first to share your journey 
with your own sexual integrity and how you came to be a facilitator. If you’ve never 
struggled with porn and/or masturbation, please share about an equally personal struggle 
that you have grappled with. It should be something you have actively worked on or 
received help for. Through sharing vulnerably, you will set the tone by helping participants 
feel safe to open up. Once you are finished sharing, allow space for participants to share 
any thoughts that came up for them during your testimony. This may naturally segue into 
the next testimony. If no one decides to share, thank participants for listening to your story 
and popcorn someone. 
❏ Thank and Validate​: After each testimony, thank participants for sharing and highlight a 
part of their story that you relate to or that you want to show them love for. Open up the 
floor for the participants to say something in response to the sharer. This could lead to a 
segue for another person to share. If that does not happen organically, the last sharer can 
popcorn a participant who hasn’t shared. Continue this pattern until everyone shares. 
❏ Remind Participants to Declare Goals​: Declaring goals has 3 purposes:  
1. Declaring goals in the group chat is an accountability measure and creates a record that 
can be referred to regularly.  
2. It reinforces each participants’ sense of ownership over their goals.  
 3. Progress can be measured against them over the course of the program. 
❏ Congratulate​: Once everyone has given their testimony, congratulate the group for taking 
a major first step towards becoming people of integrity by sharing honestly with others. 
Encourage the participants to share their doubts and questions in future meetings and to 
be who they are, where they are. Feel free to say anything else that’s on your heart before 
wrapping up the meeting. 

Concluding the Meeting 

Go over practicalities for future meetings.  
❏ Confirm Meeting Time​: Confirm with the group whether the current meeting time will 
work as a recurring time or if another time is better.  
❏ Establish Group Chat​: Up until this point, you may have been communicating with your 
group exclusively via email. This is the perfect opportunity to establish a convenient mode 
of communication so that you can reach the group more directly. Additionally, this creates 
a space for participants to stay in touch with each other throughout the week. 
❏ Introduce ​Scales​: Explain how the two scales function in their check-ins.   
❏ Check-in Format​: Walk through a brief description of the check-in format. Reference the 
Group Call Guide​. 
❏ Close in Prayer​: If there are no further questions from participants, close in prayer or be 
more inventive with how you end your meetings if you wish. 
❏ Optional Follow-Up Message​: You may offer to send a ​follow-up email​ or message with 
additional reminders and information, like the scales, that participants can have a 
reference of whenever necessary.  
   
Email Templates 
 
 Pre-Meeting Email Template

Hi, everyone!

With our first meeting coming up on [insert date and time, specify timezone(s) here], I am emailing you to give
more details regarding what to expect for this first meeting.

What does the first meeting look like?

The first meeting is typically different from the rest because we'll be listening to each other's stories for a
majority of the meeting. ​Please come prepared to share a testimony geared towards your history with porn
and/or masturbation, what led you to sign up for the group, and what you hope to achieve/gain/experience
through this group. Utilize the S​ etting the Tone​ lesson to help guide you through the latter point.​ Share what
you are comfortable sharing; it's okay not to go into detail if it makes you too uncomfortable, but a reasonable
amount of discomfort is healthy, especially if your intention is to challenge yourself.

How long will the meetings last?

Generally, we aim for the meetings to last 90 minutes at the most. The first meeting, in particular, may be
longer than the average meeting. Because we're sharing deeply personal parts of our lives and that shouldn't
be rushed (even with prior preparation), you may want to prepare for the possibility that the meeting will go
over time.

But time is precious and I intend to respect everyone's time. ​Please let me know if you absolutely cannot go
over 90 minutes for this meeting​, whatever the reason may be, and I will do my best to facilitate our meeting
efficiently. If you need a self-imposed time limit for your testimony, then aim for roughly 10 minutes, no more
than 15 minutes.

How/where will we meet?

For this first meeting, we will meet via [insert video conferencing medium]. [Insert link to the meeting if this
applies.]

Recap + Reminders

● Review the Agreements (found in the ​Group Call Guide​) prior to the meeting.
● Set aside time to reflect on your “why”—why you want to cultivate your sexual integrity.
○ Think about what you want to walk away with by the end of our last meeting.
○ Your goal(s) should support you in being connected to your “why” (North Star goal).
● Take time prior to the meeting to reflect on what you'd like to share for this group call. Points to
include:
○ History with porn and/or masturbation
○ What led you to sign up for the group call?
○ What do you hope to achieve/gain/experience?
● During the meeting, be in​ a private space, ​free of interruptions and other eyes, in order to maintain
focus and confidentiality of all participants.
● Use a device that allows you to us​e video.
● Let me know if you do not have time for the meeting to potentially last for an hour and a half.
I am here for any questions/concerns. Hope this email finds you well! See you soon.

[Insert signature]
 Post-Meeting Email Template

Hi, everyone!

[Insert follow-up remarks about how wonderful the first meeting was and how excited you are to see how much
everyone will grow over the course of the next 13 weeks.]

 
For your reference, here are the two scales that we will be using in future meetings:

Lifestyle Scale: How would you rate the quality of your current lifestyle?
1 = Clear on my vision & producing results in the important areas of my life
2 = Connected, grateful, developing good habits, in control
3-4 = Good, but slacking, isolated, upset in some way
5 = Fairly good, but in some way unclear or concerned about my future
6-7 = Lonely, lazy, frustrated
8-9 = Overwhelmed, helpless
10 = Apathetic, just don’t care

Sexual Temptation Scale: How would you rate your sexual temptation?
1 = Fully embodying my vision for sexual integrity
2 = Too busy or distracted to feel tempted
3 = Wandering eyes, stray thoughts
4 = Fantasy
5 = Strong desire to act out. Relapse likely without intervention
6 = Masturbated ​or​ watched porn once
7 = Masturbated ​and​ watched porn once
8 = Masturbated ​or​ watched porn numerous times
9 = Masturbated ​and​ watched porn numerous times
10 = Out of control

If you have any additional questions about the scales, feel free to post about it in the group chat and we can
discuss it there.

[Insert concluding words of encouragement. Below are my words. Feel free to borrow and tweak.]

I wish everyone the best as you further reflect on your "why" and goals for the next 3 months. It's okay not to
have it all figured out. If your why is unclear. That's okay. As long as you are actively searching, you'll find it as
you go through your process. Same thing goes with your goals. Everyone has to start somewhere and it's
taken you all so much life experience, self-reflection, and courage to get to this point and share about a deeply
personal struggle with others. That's huge! Being present at the meeting and sharing openly is a big victory on
its own. Celebrate that and take stock of this major accomplishment. I'm proud of each one of you and I'm
excited for what's to come! See you all next week!

[Insert signature]