One fine day, I got up and fixed my bed with hair tangled on top of my head & few strands

left
untied. I pulled my sweaters on and went out bringing along my laundry bag and water jag with me. I
walked as I organize my thoughts, piled them up in a manner I wanted it to.

But it’s not always the case. It isn’t my mundane day-to-day routine. Because most of the days
that were spent away from home were the days that feel like this world is meant to oppose me. And it
comes in waves and worse, sometimes it comes in series of waves with distant crests and troughs.

There are days that I no longer know what to think. Sometimes I forget everything about our
home and the life I have lived for over 20 years. But most of the time, when waves are brought by
invisible cyclones, it come as if the little pieces of me that were left are going to be crushed one more
time.

The days where I could no longer distinguish whether it’s the salt or the tear that makes my
food a little bit salty, or whether it’s the water from the shower that runs along my cheeks or not, or
whether the pain or exhaustion that puts me to sleep- have become the days that I got comfortable
with. It made me feel the weakest but it is that one thing that makes me realize that I’m alive and living
the life I never thought I could – and for that I’m actually in my strongest state.

It hurts to watch people around me come and go. Come to let me escape for a little while and go
to make me feel a little more impaired. It hurts to feel like you’re being forgotten, but makes you realize
that if you knew how fast would people forget you after your death, you would not live your life to
please anyone but Allah. Such is life.

I still don’t know where this would lead me. All I know is I can’t wait to be home, to sleep on my
queen-sized bed, to not only hear the sounds coming from a tv but also to see what’s in it, to share
coffee with my homies, to morning the night with my bestfriends and to live. To just live without
anything to worry. Even for a day or two.

I can’t wait. Indeed. But before those days could come, I still have to pull a fight. Ciao.

This photo was made hours before the Marawi Siege. Saw it unintentionally and see where it
brought me. Lesson learned, never browse your documents. Or else, you’ll end up wasting your time
haha